Anna Jones's Diary
by Miss.A.Jones
Summary: It's Monday morning and Anna Jones has woken up with a hangover, an unfinished assignment, and her Professor. To make matters worse, the Daily Prophet's just arrived and her mother's on the front page... SB/OC, L/J, RL/OC, OC/OC
1. Chapter 1: Resolutions & January 1 to 12

**Diary of Anna Jones**

(Soon-to-be Sex Goddess of Hogwarts)

I WILL NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES:

Binge or snack when bored (or hungry, for that matter)

Visit the kitchens between classes

Eat chocolate whilst fantasising about Sirius Black

Lust for Sirius Black whilst studying

Procrastinate homework

Leave everything to the last minute

Waste time.

Behave inappropriately in the common room

Get drunk with Mary

Get drunk with James Potter

Get drunk

Behave in an unpoised manner

Stare at myself in the mirror with self-loathing, as this is narcissistic, and also unproductive

Be seen in shabby clothes or bad hair or no makeup

Buy slutty clothes

Go for more than two days without exercise

Sneak out of school with Mary to go clubbing

Snog random men I dance with when clubbing

Imagine shagging Professor Dumbledore

Eat more than 1500 calories a day.

Go on any fad diets as have all been unsuccessful in the past.

.

I WILL

Become a diligent student and ace all my NEWTs without needing to cram

Adopt a more zen-like approach to life

Exercise daily

Eat three square and healthy meals a day

Stop drinking coffee

Get a proper boyfriend (someone sensible and practical like Remus Lupin, but obviously not Remus as he is taken/probably gay)

Lose virginity with said boyfriend

Read a novel a week to improve my mind

Read the newspaper every morning instead of trashy Witch Weekly

Be poised and glamorous, like Grace Kelly (or Lily Evans)

Spend more time with Lily Evans, as she is an excellent influence as opposed to Mary who always convinces me to go clubbing

Resist offers to get drunk with James Potter, as this has never lead to drunken sex with Sirius in the past (and hence is not likely to lead to such an event in the future)

Lose at least 2 ½ stones

Throw out all slutty clothes and replace with elegant clothes

Write in this diary every day

Become the sex goddess of Hogwarts by the end of the school year 

* * *

**January 1, 1978 **-Written on January 2 (terrible)

* * *

Weight: 11 stones (disgusting)

Height: 5 ft 5 (have I stopped growing?)

Calories: 3000 (repulsive)

Drinks: 5 shots , 2 cocktails + ½ bottle vodka

Boys snogged: 2 (neither Sirius, both randoms from Witchy Business)

Hours of exercise: 3 hours (dancing is a sport)

Hours spent cursing Sirius Black's name: 24 (completely understandable)

* * *

Ugh. So hungover. Very bad start to the year.

The day started off very well. I sat down at the breakfast table, armed with the Daily Prophet and a cup of tea to replace my usual morning coffee. Only Lily Evans was there from Gryffindor, so I sat next to her. I only got to read the first page of the Lifestyle section of the Daily Prophet (very interesting article on what really turns men on) because Lily started talking to me. As she is my new role model, thought it would be wise to spend as much time with her as possible so that her good habits might rub off on me.

Because I was still tired and bloated from the day before, I couldn't bring myself to study or go for a walk, so I went back to the Common Room and sat on the couch with a Mills & Boon novel (one book a week- I never specified what kind of book!).

While _Lovers Under the Sun_ was actually a very good read, it was a very _bad _idea to read it in the common room. You see, I was sitting on the couch, engrossed in the romance between Anita and Juan, when the book was suddenly snatched from my hands-

'_I could feel Juan's throbbing member against my thigh as he seared my neck with hot, passionate kisses…._ Who thehell _reads _this kind of shit?'

I stared at James Potter feeling absolutely horrified, and then looked around the common room to see that the Marauders had indeed arrived. I whimpered a little when I saw Sirius staring at me like I was some kind of idiot (which I am, I don't deny that- I just wanted to keep this little fact about me a secret from him).

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Thankfully, Remus Lupin came to my rescue.

'James, don't be rude. I've read that book, and there's actually a very good plot to it.'

My head snapped up and, if I hadn't been 99.9% sure that Remus was gay (he reads Mills & Boon for Merlin's sake!), I would have snogged him then and there.

'You know, _Moony,' _Sirius drawled (my heart skipped a beat, the Sex God of Hogwarts was speaking!), 'it's embarrassing to admit to reading such trash. You're much better than that.'

I felt as though I'd just been slapped. Suddenly, I felt so stupid for ever fantasising about that stupid git.

Sirius glanced at me and I noticed that his lips twitched a little. He then looked to James and stood up.

'I'm going. I've got better things to do than listen to a psychoanalysis of Juan and Anita's relationship.'

And with that, the stupid git exited the room.

James apologised to me, gave me my book back, and left the room also. Remus and Peter followed.

So that's why I all but ran through the corridors of Hogwarts for the kitchens and demanded that the House Elves provide me with anything and everything creamy, chocolatey, cheesecakey and alcoholic. Even though the binge was bad (resolution-wise), I did have good reason.

After gorging myself on a slice of cheesecake, rum balls and two Chantilly cream donuts, I waddled miserably back to my dorm.

Thankfully, Mary had arrived. I really needed my best friend at that moment and she, as always, rose to the occasion spectactularly. It took one look of my face for her to crack open a bottle of vodka.

My memory of the rest is rather hazy. I remember recounting my horrid day, and then Mary suggesting that we should go out. I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't need much convincing, either. I found my sluttiest dress (which was disturbingly tight) and put on my makeup. We started hitting the tequila shots whilst getting ready.

'Where do you two think you're going?'

We wavered as we met Lily Evans, Authoritarian Bitch of Hogwarts, in the doorway.

'We… uh…. '

'L…library!' I giggled.

We both erupted into drunken giggles, and then Mary swayed and clutched at the wall as she lost her balance (which isn't surprising given the height of the heels she was wearing)

Lily put her hands on her hips and frowned.

'You've been drinking, haven't you?' she snapped. 'As Head Girl, I'm going to have to...'

'Drinking?' I interrupted, confused. 'What's hic…alcohol?'

Lily opened her mouth to argue, but at that point Mary threw up on her, and she ran to the bathroom screaming.

I patted Mary encouragingly.

'Good idea,' I said stupidly. 'Shall we go?'

Mary convulsed again and I lunged for Lily's paper waste bin, getting Mary there just in time. I held her hair back as she did her business and, a minute later, she was chirpy and happy as she had been before.

'My tolerance has decreased,' she whispered sagely as we crept down the stairs.

We reached the bottom of the staircase and tried creeping across the common room. Unfortunately, I was met by a disdainful James Potter.

'You got drunk without me?' he said, clicking his tongue.

'How hic…do you know..hic that I'm drunk?' I hiccoughed.

He raised an eyebrow and I have to admit, I almost thought he was sexy (though that could have been the alcohol's influence over me)-

'I think you've put your eyeliner on your lips,' he said, clearing his throat.

I frowned, and turned around to see a scary looking girl with black lips in the mirror.

I screamed, and James laughed at me. I then noticed that Sirius Black was sitting next to the mirror, smirking in his damned sexy state.

'I'm sorry,' I said primly, stumbling over to him. 'Do you have a prob—'

But I never got to finish the sentence, because a wave of nausea overcame me and I had expelled the contents of my afternoon's binge in his lap.

Up until then, I'd never heard a boy our age screaming. In my hazy recollection of that evening, he sounded like a little girl.

'Let's bail,' Mary hissed, pulling me to the portrait as James, Remus and Peter ran to Sirius' aid.

As we tottered to Hogsmeade, I wailed that my chances of ever sleeping with the git were now vanquished. It was bloody cold, I should add, so we all but ran to our regular club (shameful that a schoolgirl should have a 'regular club', but I do). We were so cold when we finally got inside, that the only logical thing to do was obviously to drink some more.

I can't remember much after that. I know someone bought me a drink at the bar, and I pecked him on the lips as a 'thank you' before making my way to the dancefloor. I remember a good-looking man in his late twenties looking at me, and my smiling back at him (as is the unspoken rule of picking up). He made his way across the dancing people and before I knew it, we were grinding up against each other and, even sooner, snogging each other senseless. We did so for the rest of the night.

I can't even remember his name. All I know is that he was the most amazing snog I'd _ever _had (even better than Sirius in my fantasies) and that I probably would have shagged him there and then on the dancefloor, had Mary not pulled me away.

By 5am, we had both stumbled back to the common room. We either decided that climbing the stairs was too difficult a task, or we simply passed out. Either one is just as likely. All I know is that I woke up this morning with a very stiff back, behind a couch on the common room floor, with a furious Professor McGonagall glaring down at me.

Speaking of, Mary's just come out of her meeting with her, and now it's my turn.

Fuck.

* * *

**January 2**

Weight: 10 st 8lb (stress, puking and dancing prove to be effective methods of weight loss)

Height: 5ft 5 (not good enough)

Calories: 0 (excellent- too ashamed and sick to think of eating)

Hours spent wishing I owned a time-turner: all day

Near-expulsion meetings: 1

* * *

Well, I can safely say that I've had a terrible start to the year. Nonetheless, I've decided that I'm not a completely hopeless case. I _can _still become a gorgeous and poised sex goddess. There is a learning curve with these things. Obviously, one cannot expect to be turned from ladette to lady overnight…

Picking up from where I left off, McGonagall (whom I suspect is a lesbian- why does no one else believe me? She's never worn her hair down, never smiles at any good-looking male teachers) called me into her office and told me off for setting a terrible example to the younger years. I tried reasoning with her that there aren't any students from the younger years staying in the Gryffindor quarters at the moment, but this only made her angrier. She took 10 points off Gryffindor for cheek. Umm hello? I was merely pointing out a truth? Honestly, Minnie…

My drunken state wasn't touched on. Not directly, anyway. I made up some story of food poisoning and how I ate my Aunt Myrtle's pudding that is always ridiculously fully of brandy (truth is that I ate Aunt Myrtle's pudding on Christmas Day). Not sure she bought it, but who cares. I'm still at school and that's the main thing.

Not that I want to be here. To be quite honest, expulsion seems to be quite a pretty prospect at the moment. I've landed myself detentions for a month with the new Defence Against the Dark Ars teacher (Minnie's idea of an initiation rite, apparently), as soon as term starts again in a week's time. I tried getting out of Minnie why our old DADA teacher- Professor Kike- suddenly left, but that woman's as hard as steel to crack.

Maybe she's not a lesbian, but hasn't had sex in a decade? That's my alternate theory. Maybe we should all pitch in and get her a vibrator. I'm sure she'd be much pleasanter for it…

Detention, however, is the least of my worries. Today, I came back to the common room and Sirius visibly shuddered when he saw me.

The git FUCKING SHUDDERED!

Great. I'm now repulsive to all men. Makes me want to drink myself into oblivion.

* * *

**January 9**

Weight: 10 st 2 lb(bad, obviously, but MUCH better than 11. Seeing Sirius cower each time he sees me is very good incentive to never gorge- or indeed eat- ever again)

Height: 5 ft 5 (must try harder to grow. Stretching exercises are in order)

Calories: 800 (excellent- but all alcohol, so v. bad)

Drinks: 5 (bad)

Food: 0

Sirius shudders (10- horrible)

* * *

Substituted alcohol for food today. Once I tell you why, you'll see that I had very good reason for doing so.

Today I was quite the perfect angel. I woke up right away, went for a walk, had all my Christmas homework ready to hand in, my clothes were all folded neatly, and I had spent an hour grooming myself so that I looked like an elegantly poised school girl. I actually looked okay. Fat, obviously, but nice nonetheless.

I was very proud of myself- especially of the few double takes a few guys did when they saw me in passing down the corridor. I felt that, finally, I was on track to becoming the perfect woman/sex goddess I set out to be at the start of the year.

But then I walked into my DADA classroom and that all turned to shit.

Remember that gorgeous guy I snogged on New Year's Day? The one who was the _amazing _snog? The one whom I probably would have ended up shagging had Mary not dragged me back to the castle?

Well, he was standing at the front of the class.

His name?

Professor Melrose.

Fuuuuuuuuck. How do I manage to get myself into these situations?

I took a seat at the back of the class and started hyperventilating. Thankfully, he cut the class short as a mere 'introductory' one, and I bailed as soon as I could. He didn't see me, I don't think.

I had Divination next, but I felt that fate was cruel and that I didn't want to know how much worse my life could possibly get. Mary, bless her, skived class with me and poured vodka down my throat before tucking me up in bed.

But I'm scared to go to sleep. For the past few nights, I've had raunchy dreams with Melrose… who's now my _Professor _Melrose.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Not only do I have a serious crush on my teacher, but I've already had a drunken snog with him.

How and _when_ did I become so slutty? I must be the biggest tart in Hogwarts!

(Note: Tart of Hogwarts does not equate to Sex Goddess of Hogwarts. It's easy to confuse these widely different titles).

.

3am- I just had a nightmare and woke up to realise that my nightmare is actually a reality. I have a month's worth of detentions with Melrose, starting tomorrow.

Oh Merlin, whoever's up there really has it in for me. Going to search for more vodka to put myself back to sleep…

.

4am- Perhaps I should become a nun? That way, would never find myself in such horrifically compromising situations.

.

4.15am- Men always find nuns hot, don't they? I'm sure most guys have fantasised about shagging a nun at some point. Hmm

.

5am- That's it. I'm becoming a nun. Will make the announcement to Mary when she wakes up. Why is she still asleep? Might go shake her to see if she's actually asleep

.

5.05am- She was asleep… but I woke her. She was furious-

'I was having the most amazing dream, and you woke me up at the crucial moment!' she hissed venomously. 'I don't fucking care that you want to become a nun. Go to sleep.'

And with that, she pulled the covers over her head and turned her back to me.

Humph. Maybe go for a walk, as sleeping is obviously futile.

* * *

**January 10**

Weight: 10st 1lb (consistently improving- )

Height 5ft 5 (have I stopped growing? Horrid thought! Horrid!)

Calories: 1200 (mostly in chocolate to prevent any sexual urges I may have felt in detention with Melrose)

Sex fantasies with Melrose: 3

Books: 2 (both Mills & Boon, but were read to distract self from impending detention- good, but were read in Potions- bad)

Snogs: 0 (good or bad. After disaster of last snog, am starting to think lack of snogs may be a good thing)

Shags: 0 (pitiful)

Virginity: Still intact

Sirius shudders: 4 (improving)

* * *

I have a lot to say, but have decided that will recount the events of today chronologically so as not to miss anything important out.

It was a _very _eventful day, you see.

So, I went for a walk at around 5.30am. It was bloody freezing, so I was rugged up in many layers and probably resembled something like a penguin as I waddled across the snowy grounds of the school.

I came to the quidditch pitch and saw that the Gryffindor team was training. I have to hand it to Potter, he's very sexy when he's the captain of the team. It makes a nice change from the nervous mess he is when around the Authoritarian Bitch (Lily Evans).

I stood to the side for a while and watched as the team trained, feeling very jealous. When I first came to Hogwarts, I dreamed that I'd be the star seeker of the team- thin, gorgeous, and the hero of every match. It was always a little fantasy that I'd be shagging the strong and manly beater from my team (in Gryffindor's case, The Git, or Jeffrey Banks (who is younger than me, so not entirely possible)).

But then we had our first flying lessons and, in that hour, this little dream of mine was shattered so ruthlessly that I spent the rest of the day crying in the bathroom (with Moaning Myrtle laughing cruelly at me, I might add). I won't get into the whole story, but let's just say that my broom was so certain that I wasn't meant to ride it, that it bucked me off it, catapulting me into Peter Pettigrew and Lily Evans.

Maybe that's why Evans dislikes me so much?

Still, I couldn't help feeling wistful as I watched the team training. They seemed so in control of their brooms; so lithe as they deftly dodged bludgers and caught the quaffles with ease.

When James called for them to come down to the ground, Sirius glanced over at me. I tried smiling, but he shuddered and quickly looked away. Crestfallen, I decided that I should just keep walking as watching others exercise certainly doesn't count as self-exercise.

I didn't go to breakfast, because I didn't want to see Professor Melrose (I don't even know his first name!) before I had to. Instead, I went to the kitchens and picked up a few pieces of toast and a cappuccino (there was no way I was going to survive the day without proper caffeine).

First, I had a spare period, so I tried getting some of my Potions pre-reading from a few week's ago done. I'm so behind in my readings, I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to pass my Potions NEWTs…

Anyway, I did a little bit which is given the fact that I was emotionally traumatised.

On the way to Potions, I passed Melrose in the hallway and I felt my heart fluttering nervously. He was even more gorgeous up close, than I ever remembered him. Like, _really _gorgeous. I wouldn't be surprised if he did male modelling part-time.

Suddenly, I had visions of us shagging on his desk during detention.

'Thinking of something good are we?'

I turned around and Sirius was walking behind me. I shot him a confused look, and he looked pointedly down to my nipples that were very hard and visible through my shirt. Somehow, in my infinite stupidity, I had forgotten to wear a bra.

How I manage to do these things, I'll never know.

I blushed furiously and Sirius smirked at me. Suddenly, I felt very annoyed that he had even been looking at my tits. Not only is he a git, but he's also a dirty pervert.

'Do you mind?' I said primly, crossing my arms over my traitorous tits.

'No,' he said nonchalantly, still unashamedly staring at my tits.

Annoyed, I lifted his chin up so that he was forced to look at my face.

'My face is here,' I hissed, pointing at my face before turning on my heel.

'Just appreciating your very fine assets,' he called, running to catch up with me.

Humiliated, I rummaged through my bag and pulled on a jumper. I clenched my fists as I heard him sighing in disappointment.

'You know,' I said hotly, as we walked into the classroom, 'I was going to apologise for puking on you, the other day' (he shuddered at this point) 'but I'm not going to. You're a vile, perverted git and you deserved it.'

With a huff, I walked over to Mary who had saved me a seat and set about arranging my notes.

Unfortunately, Slughorn had decided to lecture us on possibly the most boring potion of all time- the Boredness Potion. I have absolutely _no _idea how anyone came up with the stupid idea of creating a potion to induce boredness (and why it's on the NEWTs syllabus). My guess is that the inventor was extremely bored with his life.

Given the dullness of the class, I think it's excusable that I got through two Mills & Boon novels. They were very good, too…. But bad, because I kept imagining that the gorgeous male was Melrose, and I was the sex goddess heroine.

After potions, we had lunch. Sirius Black certainly had his git radar on full, today-

'Jones, were you reading more smutty novels during potions?' he said (he was sitting opposite me, you see).

I glanced at him, completely confused as to why he was suddenly taking such an interest in me. Ever since school started, we had barely exchanged more than a few sentences. We didn't _hate _each other or anything… he simply never made an effort to speak to me.

I shrugged, toying with my Shepherd's pie.

'They were all I had in my bag. You can't honestly say that you were interested in Slughorn's lecture on boredness.'

He raised an eyebrow and, for a fleeting moment, I forgot that he was a vile, perverted fuckwit. He was just so damn gorgeous that I had to fight the urge to lean across the table and snog him senseless.

'No. I certainly agree that Anita and Juan's steamy sex life would have been infinitely more interesting than a lecture on boredness potions,' he murmured.

At that moment, I realised that he had the most amazing and unusual gray eyes.

As if he needed even more reason to be a complete sex god.

'It wasn't Anita and Juan,' I laughed (I was surprised he remembered their names), 'today was Kelly and Ken.'

'Ken?' he said, laughing incredulously.

I blushed. I was about to respond, but Professor Melrose walked into the Great Hall at that moment and I quickly forgot about my conversation with Sirius.

'Something wrong, Jones?'

I snapped out of my fantasy where Melrose was ripping my shirt off me, and looked to Sirius.

'What?' I said, confused.

Sirius shot me a suspicious look and then turned and saw Melrose. His lips became thin.

'Oh not you too,' he said, rolling his eyes. 'He's a _teacher_.'

I stiffened as the fact really sunk in—I had snogged my teacher. Not in a fantasy, but in reality.

I pushed my plate away from me and got up hurriedly. Sirius looked confused by my behaviour, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with him.

'I've got to go,' I said, sweeping out of the Great Hall as quickly as I could.

…

Somehow, I found myself back in the kitchens, eating a huge chocolate soufflé. In the past, I'd imagine shagging Sirius when eating chocolate. Today, however, it was Melrose.

But, unlike my fantasies with Sirius, I couldn't enjoy these ones. I felt so dirty and slutty.

'Oh Merlin,' I said, banging my head against the table. 'Why me? Why?'

And then the bell rang through the school heralding the end of lunch, and I realised that it was time for detention.

Okay, my hand's stiff from writing so much. Going to take a break. Will write the rest later.

.

1am- Too tired to write the rest. Will finish tomorrow morning.

* * *

**January 11**

Weight: 10st 1lb (at least not fatter)

Height 5ft 5 (shameful)

Calories: 1600 (bad)

Sex fantasies with Melrose: 2 (improving)

Sex fantasies with Sirius: 10 (repulsive. Have turned into a common tart)

Virginity: Still there. Wish it would just GO AWAY.

Sirius shudders: 0 (excellent)

Exercise: 1 hour (good)

Study: 3 hours (angelic)

Boyfriends: 0 (shameful and depressing)

* * *

6am- Okay, so continuing from where I left off yesterday-

I was so nervous about my detention with Melrose that I was actually shaking when I knocked on his office door.

'Come in,' he called.

My knees knocked together. His voice was just _soo_ deep and shagelicious.

Slowly, I opened the door and stood by the door. He was bend over a box of folders, giving me a brilliant view of his perfectly-sculpted rear.

I had to close my eyes tightly to control myself.

'Are you Miss Jones?'

I quirked open an eye to see that he was looking at me, confused. I bit my lip, and stiffened as he dropped his folder as he realised who I was.

'Y….you?' he stammered, turning beet-red.

I clenched my fists behind my back.

'Look,' I breathed nervously, 'It was New Years, and I'm of age. Technically, I'm allowed to go clubbing. I had no idea you were going to be my teacher.'

'You're… you're a _student!_' he squeaked, his eyes wide.

I chewed my lip, feeling ashamed.

'I... yes.'

He clutched at his chest and sunk into his chair.

'Oh Merlin…' he gasped. 'This cannot be happening…'

'I….'

He held up a hand.

'Just… maybe you should leave,' he whispered. 'I… We shouldn't be alone together.'

In a way, I was quite disappointed…. But, at the same time, relieved that I didn't have to stay in that awkward situation any longer. I all but sprinted out of the room.

I spent the rest of the evening dissecting the events of the detention with Mary. She thinks that Melrose ordered me out of the room as quickly as he did because he got a huge erection as soon as he saw me, and needed to wank it off.

I don't mind that explanation, to be quite honest.

9pm- Got up early again today to go for a walk. As usual, it ended up in my spying on the quidditch team. Still, exercise is exercise so it shouldn't matter what incentive I use to get my sorry arse out of bed and walk…

James Potter in his element, again, was just downright amazing to watch. He really could do much better than the Authoritarian Bitch. Maybe I should get with James Potter? Might be hard, though, because he doesn't get drunk anymore as he's keeping sober for the AB. Also, he's Head Boy so it's understandable that he should want to keep his slate clean.

I didn't turn up to detention with Melrose but instead studied for three hours straight. I was so proud of myself, that I decided to visit the kitchens for some macarons and tea.

On my way there, however, I was cornet by The Git (maybe should call him Le Git? Or not… that just makes him sound even sexier).

'Going somewhere?' he said, shooting me a quizzical look.

Of course, I wasn't going to admit that I was on my way to the kitchens.

'Uh… yes,' I said, looking away.

'You seem very suspicious,' he frowned. 'You're not sneaking out again, are you?'

I looked up at Sirius and shrugged.

'And if I was, what business is that of yours?'

He peered at me.

'I never took you for one to sneak out much. I obviously underestimated you,' he said quietly.

I frowned.

'But I used to get drunk with James all the time last year,' I said.

He rolled his eyes.

'Playing drinking games during chess hardly counts as being rebellious,' he said.

I raised my eyebrows as I felt my stomach squirm pleasurably at this- he thought I was rebellious?

But then I frowned as I realised that Grace Kelly most certainly was not rebellious. A poised sex goddess is _not_ known for being rebellious.

'Well they're one offs,' I said primly. 'I'm not really rebellious at all.'

His smiled a crooked smile and I almost whimpered at how gorgeous he was.

'Jones,' he said shaking his head. 'You don't fool me. I've noticed how you've been trying to act all prim and preppy these past few days. It doesn't suit you. You're much more adorable when you're your usual clumsy self.'

I scowled. At that point, I was more focused on his calling me 'clumsy'.

'Some of us are balance-challenged,' I snapped. 'Now, if you don't mind, I have to go.'

I ran back to the common room to rant about The Git to Mary. She, however, brought to my attention his use of the word 'adorable'.

We were both a little stumped for a while.

'Does Black fancy you?' Mary wondered. 'Seems unlikely, though. I mean, he _was _going out with Helen Asteria up until last year.'

I felt a little stung at this comment. Even though I knew that Helen Asteria was certainly an uncontested sex goddess, it hurt that Mary had so little faith in me.

'You're right,' I mumbled. 'He's probably just bored- or finds my 'clumsiness' funny.'

On that note, I'm going to bed. Tomorrow, I start Mission Boyfriend.

* * *

**January 12**

Weight: 10st (1st loss since start of year- . 10st is still bad)

Height 5ft 5 (appalling)

Calories: 2000 (repulsive)

Sex fantasies with Melrose: 0 (excellent)

Sex fantasies with Sirius: 100 (should give up school and go work in a brothel at this rate)

Virginity: Intact (rendering job as hooker slightly problematic)

Sirius shudders: 0 (excellent. Believe he has moved on)

Exercise: 0 hours (bad)

Study: 1 hours (not enough)

Boyfriends: 0 (Mission Boyfriend going at snail pace)

Time spent trying to grow: 3 hours (and yet no results! Terrible)

* * *

9am-

Today I am focusing on two things:

Mission Boyfriend

Growing taller

1) Mission Boyfriend

After sleeping, I realised that Mary wasn't being cruel about Sirius, but just realistic. I must stop fantasising about gorgeous yet unattainable, men such as Sirius and Melrose. Instead, I must spend my thoughts and smiles on men who will possibly love me back (i.e. less gorgeous, but more sensible and down to earth

Have decided to scan the Great Hall for possible candidates during lunch. Mary has promised to help.

.

1pm-

Everyone Mary kept pointing out was either unattractive, or nerdy. According to her, everyone I pointed out was unrealistic (or taken).

At this point, list of boyfriend candidates remains at a grand total of 0 (pathetic).

.

6pm-

I gave up on finding candidates. Was bloody exhausting. So, instead I decided to focus on 2) Growing.

I read in Witch Weekly that if you lie on grass, stretched out, and feel as though you're lengthening, you can add a foot to your height. I thought I'd try it out.

Armed with the Witch Weekly article, I went outside and lay under the yew tree by the lake. The ground was bloody freezing, so I performed a warming charm on the grass and lay back down again, stretching out as much as I could.

Unfortunately, I found it very hard to concentrate on growing, as my sex fantasies of Sirius shagging me senseless were much more interesting.

'Jones, what _are _you doing?'

I opened my eyes to see Sirius staring at me, as though I was the biggest idiot in the world (it's quite sad how often he does this).

I sat up quickly, muttering oaths under my breath.

'What are you doing here?' I snapped, brushing the grass off me. 'Don't you have class?'

Sirius shrugged.

'Divination's a crap subject. Given that you skipped it last week and are doing so again, I'm guessing that you too feel this way about the subject.'

I stared at him. He noticed that I skipped it, last week?

He cleared his throat uncomfortably and shrugged.

'So what were you doing? You didn't look comfortable.'

I blushed and tried to hide the article from view. Unfortunately, he picked up on my movement and snatched the article from me before I could stop him.

He let out a bark of a laugh.

'You're trying to _grow_?' he snorted. 'Jones, surely you don't believe this crap?'

I tried to snatch the article back off him, but he kept moving it away. We ended up pseudo-wrestling each other until he sprung up off the ground and ran off, holding the article triumphantly.

Furious, I got up and ran after him, but soon ran out off breath (must start running instead of walking, as fitness levels are obviously substandard and may make sex difficult).

I then decided that I'd just summon the damn article from him. I did, and he looked rather disappointed.

'You're no fun, Jones,' he said, pouting.

I rolled my eyes.

'Chasing after you all afternoon isn't my idea of fun,' I said primly.

He put a hand to his heart.

'You kill me, Jones,' he said dramatically. 'Most girls _love_ chasing after me.'

I laughed, partly because it was true.

Suddenly, we heard a throat being cleared from behind us, and we turned to see Professor Melrose.

'Don't you have class to go….ah'.

He trailed off when he saw me and, again, blushed furiously. Sirius looked from Melrose to me incredulously.

'You probably have a spare period,' Melrose nodded, looking anywhere but at us. 'Excuse me.'

He sprinted off, and I closed my eyes as I remembered yet again just how amazing a snog he had been.

'Ahem.'

I turned to see Sirius looking at me. He looked rather annoyed.

'What?' I said innocently.

'What's going on between you two? Whenever Melrose looks at you, he turns into a babbling mess,' he said sternly.

I shrugged, smiling.

'Maybe he's just cottoned onto the fact that I'm an irresistible sex goddess,' I said nonchalantly. 'See you round.'

.

3am- I just woke up and realised that I called myself a sex goddess in front of THE sex god of Hogwarts. What the hell was I thinking?

I obviously wasn't. Fuck fuckity fuck.

* * *

**Next chapter:**

Let me tell you, watching your mother flirting with a boy who frequents your sexual fantasies on a daily basis is NOT something that any girl should _ever _experience.

**Please review! **

**Miss A. Jones**


	2. Chapter 2: January 15 to 22

**January 15

* * *

**

Weight: 10st (why am I not losing any weight?)

Height 5ft 5 (too embarrassed to attempt growing again, lest The Git catch me)

Calories: 1000 (angelic)

Sex fantasies with Melrose: 10 (average)

Sex fantasies with Sirius: ½ (quite good)

Virginity: Present

Boyfriends: 0 (but one very possible in the very near future)

Books: 1 (but M & B)

Study: 0 (impossible after events of today, so forgiven)

* * *

9am- Just realised there's less than a month to go before Valentine's Day. Crap.

.

10am- Have DADA next. Oh the horror.

.

10.05am- Secretly looking forward to it. Melrose won't be able to ignore me, for once.

.

10.10am- Given that I'm 'of age', is a relationship with Melrose actually illegal? Perhaps at school it is, but what if we kept it strictly to Hogsmeade weekends/holidays? Hmm, must investigate.

.

10.30am- Hmph. Minnie just told me off for handing in my Transgfiguration assignment late. Bitch.

The Git was smirking at me and said that I should spend less time 'growing' and reading about Juan and Anita, and more time studying. I don't know where he gets off. He's not exactly a model student himself, even if he _does_ top our year consistently…

6pm- Oh my sweet Circe, I'm absolutely in love! Going out with Mary to celebrate the arrival of Friday…

* * *

**January 16**

Too hungover to care about figures.

3pm- Woke up at 2, and sat in the bathroom for the next half hour, throwing up. Am never drinking again, I swear.

On that note, I feel too sick to write. Going back to bed.

* * *

**January 17**

Weight: 10st 2 lb (why am I getting fatter?)

Height 5ft 5 (have given up, for now)

Calories: 2000 (blame mother)

Sex fantasies with Daniel: 200 (understandable)

Sex fantasies with Sirius: 0 (excellent)

Virginity: Present… but suspect won't be there for much longer!

Boyfriends: Uncertain

Dates: 1

Books: 0

Study: 0 (Hogsmeade Day)

* * *

10am- Am writing to distract self from impending doom of High Tea with mother, in a few hours' time.

DADA was brilliant, on Friday. Daniel (Professor Melrose's first name!) went around the classroom correcting us all. I was working with Mary, and she said that he spent extra long making sure my posture was absolutely perfect. Eventually, The Git interrupted Daniel saying that it was inappropriate for him to 'manhandle' students.

Honestly, I was starting to think Sirius and I could get on, but that interruption was simply unforgivable. He's back to being 'The Git'. Don't know what his problem is.

Class finished, and Daniel called for me to stay behind. As soon as everyone had gone, Daniel shut the door and walked up to me.

'We have to talk,' he said, sweeping his beautiful chocolate hair back so that I could see into his gorgeous brown eyes.

My knees knocked together.

'I… agree,' I stammered, sitting in the chair he pulled out for me (ooh what a gentleman!)

He pinched the bridge of his nose and I suddenly felt terrified that he was going to tell me to never speak to him again.

Suddenly, there was a bang, and an 'omph', and we turned quickly to see that Sirius had banged his head on one of the desks.

I felt my cheeks flushing at the thought that he could have overheard what Daniel was about to say.

'Mr Black, what are you doing here?' Daniel said coldly.

Sirius crossed his arms and glared at Daniel (I don't call him The Git for no reason).

'I forgot my book,' he said venomously (Liar! Liar! You were eavesdropping!)

Daniel cleared his throat.

'Very well. If you'd like to step out, now, I wish to speak with Miss Jones in private,' he said formally, walking Sirius to the door.

For some reason, Sirius looked furious. He hesitated at the door, and shot me a strange look, but I merely shrugged. I really have no idea why he seems to hate someone as amazing as Daniel so much.

Finally, he left.

Daniel shut the door with a sigh, and then muttered an incantation at the door.

'What's that for?' I asked, confused.

'Imperturbable charm. I don't want to be overheard,' he murmured.

I shivered at the thought.

'Look,' Daniel said, sitting down in the chair, 'You're a student, I'm your teacher. You understand that what we did was inappropriate- even if it was an innocent mistake on both our parts.'

I snorted at this.

'Innocent? There wasn't much that was innocent about our snogging and dancing. Why, we were practically shag…'

'Yes, thank you!' Daniel said, shutting his eyes tightly and turning bright red.

He exhaled slowly and- even though I know he had no choice- I couldn't help feeling rejected.

'I… I get it,' I said quietly, getting up. 'Look, you don't need explain all this. I've had my fair share of snogs to know when it doesn't mean anything.'

Daniel stood up suddenly.

'That's just it,' he whispered. 'I can't bloody stop thinking about it. Each time you sit in my class, all I can do is remember how amazing…'

My eyes widened (I felt butterflies in my stomach at this point).

'Amazing?' I stammered.

He looked at me cautiously.

'Or maybe it was just me,' he said slowly.

I let out a nervous laugh.

'No, no, it was definitely amazing,' I gushed. 'I…. I thought….'

He took my hands suddenly, and I stiffened.

'But you see, Anna, we can't do this in school,' he said urgently. 'I'll get sacked. Or thrown in Azkaban.'

I gasped at the thought. Then, I realised what he was implying-

'In school…' I repeated, slowly.

He nodded.

'Would you like to go to dinner on Sunday evening?'

….

I was so excited, I ran all the way back to the common room and repeated it all to Mary. At first she was a bit unsure of it all, but then conceded that he's definitely one of the fittest teachers we've ever had and that I should not let such an opportunity pass- especially seeing as the snogging was amazing.

We then went through Witch Weekly and found all the articles outlining the benefits of having an older man and decided that it was definitely right the right decision.

After dinner (I was too excited to eat), we decided to go clubbing to celebrate. I was a good girl, though. I only drank. I didn't snog anyone because I was saving myself for Daniel.

* * *

5pm- Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

That woman brings it out in me. I swear, she is THE most humiliating…. Bleh!

.

5.10pm- Had to open a bottle of wine to calm down. Feel better now.

Right, so I had High Tea with Mother at Madam Puddifoot's. When she sent the letter asking me to meet her, I replied saying that I would go only if we got a private room. When we arrived, she declined the offer of a private room saying that she was 'kept in an empty house all day long' and that it was unfair of me to want to deprive her of company.

Like I'm the bloody furniture, or something.

Anyway. We managed to get a table in the corner of the teahouse that, at the time, seemed pretty secluded. It was alright for the first hour. She just babbled on and on about her social events, how Aunt Una and Uncle Geoffrey were going to the Maldives on holiday, how she met a lovely boy my age who was related to the Thornton-Lyttons yadyada.

Forgetting that I had a date with Daniel later that evening, I gorged myself on scones, macarons and cucumber sandwiches to distract myself from her incessant babble.

But then, in the second hour, she turned on me viciously. This was horrible, because The Git and his crew decided to take a table right next to us just as she was getting really stuck into me.

'Alright Anna?' James nodded, practically sitting next to me on the couch seat.

I desperately shook my head at him, pleading that he pretend he didn't recognise me, but it was too late.

'Are you a classmate of Anna's?' mother said, lunging forward and beaming at him with her saccharine smile. 'Mrs Jones- her mother.'

James shook her hand uncertainly. I wanted to run and hide in a very small room.

'Yes, we're in the same house and year,' he said.

'Oooh, how lovely!' she cooed. 'And what about you three?'

'Yes, mum, they're all in my year,' I hissed. 'Let's leave them alone….'

'Oh hush, Anna,' she said, waving me away like I was a fly or a similar such pest. 'You never told me you had such handsome boys in your year level!'

'Oh God!' I exclaimed, turning around and covering my face in shame.

I heard James laughing.

'Ms Jones, I can scarcely belief that you're Anna's mother. Why, you two could be sisters!' Sirius said smoothly, taking her hand and kissing it.

The witchy woman laughed coquettishly and blushed. Let me tell you, watching your mother flirting with a boy who frequents your sexual fantasies on a daily basis is NOT something that any girl should _ever _experience.

'Sirius Black,' he said.

Her eyes lit up and I groaned in anticipation of what was coming.

'Walburga's son? Ah, it's been so long since I last saw you!'

Sirius and I looked at each other, perplexed.

'Why,' she continued, 'You used to play together as children. Remember? You used to play around in the paddling pool naked!'

James actually spat out his tea at this and started choking. Sirius and I exchanged a horrified glance.

'You were only three, mind you, because we moved to Ireland for a few years for Mr Jones's work. But, oh, our families go way back. Your mother and I were at school together, Sirius. We had tea together only last week. Such a lovely woman.'

Sirius smiled tightly.

'Yes, quite,' he said shortly.

I suddenly sensed a change in the atmosphere.

'Well, we shan't detain you from tea with your daughter,' he said, nodding formally. 'Pleased to make your acquaintance again, Mrs Jones.'

'Likewise,' mother replied, flashing him that stupid flirtatious smile of hers.

Sirius smiled back, glanced at me, and then turned to the other three.

I could tell from their silence, that they were going to listen in on the rest of my conversation with Mother.

'Goodness, they're such charming boys!' she cooed to me. 'And so handsome! You still don't have a boyfriend, Anna, do you?'

I shook my head, mortified. I suddenly wished that I could spike Mother's drink with silencing potion.

'And why not?' she snapped, as though the lack of boyfriend was _my_ fault. 'With such handsome and pleasant boys in your year, how can you _not _have a boyfriend?'

I rolled my eyes.

'Oh I don't know mother…. Maybe because I'm actually quite average in all respects and no one fancies me?'

Mother huffed. I heard Sirius clearing his throat.

'Yes, well… I _did_ try to take you to that clinic where they operate on your stomach and band it so you can't eat as much.'

'Mother!' I hissed, turning scarlet. 'Would you mind not discussing that…'

'You see, darling,' she continued, completely oblivious. 'That's _why _you don't have a boyfriend. It's because you don't take any care or pride in your appearance. You don't let me take you shopping…'

'Because I don't _want_ to wear twin sets,' I said through gritted teeth. 'I'm 17, mother, not 40.'

She glanced at Sirius.

'Boys with proper breeding can tell when a girl carries herself with class, darling. How about I send you off to finishing school this summer?'

…

It continued on like that for the next hour. Then, suddenly, she glanced at her watch, shot up out of the chair, kissed my cheek and trilled-

'I've got pre-dinner cocktails at the Ritz, darling. Got to fly. Byeeee.'

She left ten galleons on the table and swept out of the teahouse in two seconds flat, leaving me alone at my table next to the Marauders.

'You know, _darling_, you shouldn't wear your hair like that,' James laughed, tugging at my ponytail.

'Yes, and _why _don't you have a _boyfriend?' _Peter cooed.

'Guys, don't….' Sirius murmured.

'Oh very funny,' I snapped, getting up from the table and storming out of the teahouse. I was in no mood for their stupid, immature jokes.

I think I'm going to drink a few more glasses of this lovely wine to clear my head of the past few humiliating hours of my life, and then start preparing for my lovely date!

.

6pm- Black dress, or blue? Or pink? Damn it, where is Mary when I need her? Going to check if she's back from her date…

.

6.10pm- Found the PERFECT dress… except it's not mine. It's Mary's. Sure she won't mind. Right, now I need to organise myself:

Date: 7pm

To do:

Pluck eyebrows

Shave legs

Exfoliate face

Makeup

Curl/wave hair.

Crap. I'm going to be late….

.

12am- Ahhh lovely night. Lots and lots of wine and snogging. Hmmm bed time…

* * *

**January 18**

Weight: 10st 1 lb (against all odds)

Height: 5ft 5 (don't know why I'm even bothering)

Calories: 100 (can't eat)

Sex fantasies with Daniel: too many to count.

Study: 0 (how can I be expected to study when in love?)

Sleep: 1 hour (can't sleep either).

Coffee: 5 (v. bad)

* * *

Last night was magical. And not in the Hogwartsian sense or the way a wand (a literal wand, that is) can create.

Daniel took me to a cute little French bistro in Hogsmeade and ordered a bottle of wine (I love it when they order bottles rather than glasses. It means business.)

We chatted for a while- he's only 24, but amazingly talented. He was accepted into Auror school as soon as he finished his NEWTs and finished the accelerated program, top of his year (what a catch!)

He's spent the last year going on top secret Ministry missions (he told me various stories about creatures I've never heard of) and, when Professor Kike retired suddenly due to ill health, he was personally asked by Dumbledore to take the position of DADA Professor….

I didn't take much else in, to be quite honest. I spent most of the time staring dreamily into his lush chocolate eyes, wishing he'd stop talking and just kiss me.

And, on the walk back to Hogwarts, kiss me he did! He pulled me to a little hidden garden and, quite simply, snogged me senseless. Even though I was under the heavy influence of the wine, I can safely say that he was even more amazing a snog than I ever remembered him to be.

I've spent all of today in a dreamy haze. Apparently I've been super smiley and everyone thinks I've been drinking. I swear I haven't. The only thing I'm drunk with, is love. His love is my drug….. Ahhhh.

.

10pm- Just saw Sirius. He walked past me, but said nothing. Maybe my mother has put him off me completely? Not to say that he fancied me or anything, but I thought we could perhaps be friends of sorts.

Or maybe it was the fact that we've gotten naked together before? I feel so cheated! I've had all these sex fantasies of Sirius, not knowing that I've actually gotten naked with him before!

And what was I doing when we were frolicking about in the nude? Why did I get naked with him and not actually do the deed? Such a wasted opportunity. _This_ is an exactly what I need to change about myself- wasting golden opportunities. Hmph.

.

10.05pm- Have decided my new motto is to be _Carpee Dieum. _Going to go write it on a poster and stick it on the window next to my bed.

.

10.10pm- Hmph. Snooty Authoritarian Bitch Lily Evans just walked past my bed as was writing Carpee Dieum in lovely calligraphy writing and spitefully informed me that it's actually spelt _Carpe Diem_. Don't believe her. Going to look it up

.

10.11pm- Hmm have no books on Latin. Going to ask around the common room

.

10.12pm- Asked around. Ended up asking the useless Head Boy, James Potter, who simply said that Sirius knew some Latin. I then made up some excuse about it not being important, but Potter went and fetched Sirius, dragging me along with him-

'Sirius, Anna has a question for you?'

Sirius raised an eyebrow (although Daniel is sexier, there's no denying that Black is fit. Ahh wasted opportunities…).

'Surely, Anna can ask me for herself,' he said, rather coldly (I really don't know what I've done to make him hate me so much)

'Umm… you speak Latin, right?'

He shrugged.

'I do know some Latin.'

'Great. So how do you say 'seize the day'?'

He cleared his throat, and I swear I saw his lips twitching.

'Carpe Diem,' he said.

'And how do you spell it?' I asked, ready for my triumph over know-it-all-Evans.

He wrote it down on a piece of parchment and handed it to me.

'Fuck,' I muttered, furious. 'Thanks….'

I walked slowly back to the staircase, annoyed at both Sirius and Lily for being so clever.

'Any reason you want to know how to spell 'Carpe Diem'?' Sirius called after me.

I bit my lip and then (stupidly) decided the truth wasn't so embarrassing.

'I want it to be my new motto. You know- stop wasting opportunities.'

He raised his eyebrows incredulously.

'So why don't you make 'Seize the Day' your motto? Why do you want it to be in Latin, when you don't speak the langauge?'

I opened my mouth to retort, but then threw up my hands in defeat.

'It sounds better,' I snapped. 'Good evening.'

* * *

**January 20**

Weight: 9 st 13 lbs (yess! yess! In the 9's!)

Height: 5ft 5 (but am I even _that_ short?)

Calories: 500 (bad, have started eating again)

Sex fantasies with Daniel: 0 (thanks to the stupid anti-lust potion Mary spiked my drink with)

Study: 5 (what else is there to do when I can't fantasise about Daniel?)

* * *

I'm giving Mary the Silent Treatment for the next few days. This morning, she announced that she was launching an intervention against my DanLust (as she calls it), and only told me about the anti-lust potion she had spiked my orange juice with _after_ I had finished the drink.

I don't want to admit it, but it's actually been pretty good. I've managed to catch up on a lot of homework and even do a spot of exam study (so rare!).

That being said, I'm still confused about what's going on with Daniel and I. He completely ignores me around the school and didn't even glance at me during DADA today.

Did I do something? I mean, I know he's far too good for me, but what's changed between the date and today?

I find myself becoming very jealous whenever girls in the hallway giggle about how fit he is, but I can't say anything, because a) my teacher, and b) he's not my boyfriend. I don't even know if we're seeing each other.

I think I'm going to take a sleeping draught and go to bed. Too depressed to play drunk chess with James in the kitchens.

.

1am- James Pottesh ish amazinggg. Drunken chess the best. All problemsh gone! Daniel ish a fuckwit. Want to marry Jamesh

* * *

**January 21**

Weight: 9 st 13 lbs (hmph)

Height: 5ft 5

Calories: 2000 (needed big hangover breakfast)

Sex fantasies with Daniel: 0 (love anti-lust potion)

Study: 1 (hangover was terrible)

* * *

Woke up on the couch this morning with splitting headache. James Potter was on the ground next to me. Apparently I won the game last night. Would you believe my luck? After years and years of losing every single bloody match to that prat, I can't remember the one time I manage to win!

So I know I said that I was going to turn in for an early night, but I saw my _Carpe Diem_ poster and decided that I wouldn't wallow in my room but would go to the kitchens with James Potter, play chess… and get drunk.

Evans shrieked when she saw us (such an early riser, she is. Don't know why).

She then started hitting James repeatedly, and he had to explain to her that he and I are in no way together but merely had a late chess game, which seemed to infuriate her even more.

Honestly, that girl's a nut. Don't know what James sees in her, even if I secretly wish on a daily basis that I was her.

* * *

**January 22**

Weight: 10 st (bad. Am thinking of coming off anti-lust potion)

Height: 5ft 5

Calories: 1800 (bad)

Sex fantasies with Daniel: 0 (anti-lust potion)

Study: 3 hours (could be more)

* * *

10pm- Brilliant day. Aside from creeping back into the 10 stone category( v bad), everything else has gone _brilliantly_.

Had a serious discussion with Mary last night about Daniel and why he's ignoring me. She decided we needed a male opinion, so we roped in Remus Lupin (we swore him to secrecy first). He's meant to be going out with Nigella Twining, but no one's ever seen them do anything more than hold hands (and she herself complains that he won't sleep with her).

Anyway, so Remus' questionable sexuality aside, we had a deep discussion about my sorry situation. Of course, I didn't tell Remus _who_ Daniel was exactly, as that would put us both in a very precarious situation.

Remus thinks that Daniel's got my affection too easily (Mary agreed). They said I should start flirting with other boys in front of him and totally ignore him.

This is going to be hard. Better stay on the anti-lust potion.

* * *

**January 22**

Weight: 10 st 1lb (Nooooo!)

Height: 5ft 5

Calories: 2000 (start strict diet tomorrow)

Sex fantasies with Daniel: 2 (anti-lust potion proving to be inneffective)

Lustful thoughts about Sirius: 20 (terrible!)

Study: 0 (it's Friday)

Exercise: 4 hours (dancing counts)

* * *

Firstly, let me say that I am going to kill Remus Lupin (when he's not so conveniently surrounded by his posse of Marauders.)

I arrived at the Breakfast table this morning, only to be assaulted by questions from James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. Sirius was too busy reading a letter to notice—

'Who are you seeing?' Potter demanded, brandishing a bratwurst in my face.

'Potter, get that out of Anna's face,' Lily snapped.

For once, I wanted to hug Lily.

'Who's your new boyfriend, Anna?' Peter continued, as James sulkily ate his bratwurst.

I turned bright red and turned furiously on Remus.

'You _told_ them?' I shrieked.

'Told us what?' James frowned.

'What…. How do you know about me and… someone?' I stammered, confused.

'Oh, we have a list of the single girls of Hogwarts in our dorm,' James shrugged nonchalantly. You were at the bottom of the list, so I noticed when I looked at the list this morning only to see that your name had disappeared.

I felt as though I'd just been slapped.

'Bottom?' I repeated dully.

At that moment, Daniel walked in the Great Hall, looking gorgeous as usual. I felt like such an idiot.

'Well?' James piped. 'Who is it? Come on, fess up!'

I picked up my bags and stood up.

'I'm going,' I said miserably.

…

I spent the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself. In a way, it proved an effective method of helping me completely ignore Daniel in DADA. The entire lesson (which was thankfully a theory lesson), I kept my eyes fixed on the board, and didn't look at him once. I had never been more thankful for the bell.

'Miss Jones,' he called out suddenly, as I was packing my books away. 'Kindly stay behind.'

I looked at Mary and she shook her head slightly, but then I looked to Daniel and he looked so confused and torn that I couldn't help myself.

'Is everything okay?' he said as soon as Sirius- who was malingering as usual- left the room. 'You look down.'

I ignored his eyes.

'Wonderful,' I lied. 'Brilliant.'

He grinned and toyed with the collar of my shirt.

'How about dinner again this Sunday?'

He leant forward to kiss me and I swear it took all the effort in the world to pull away.

'I'm sorry, I can't,' I said, forcing a smile. 'I'm busy.'

He smiled easily.

'So cancel whatever it is,' he whispered silkily.

_Ice queen, Ice queen_ I kept repeating in my mind.

He tucked a tendril of my hair behind my ear and, that time, I didn't resist when he leant forward and kissed me. Unfortunately, the effect was greatly lost on the stupid anti-lust potion.

'Sunday?' he repeated.

I chewed my lip. He probably only ignored me around the school because he didn't want to lose his job. That's perfectly understandable.

'Yes,' I sighed, finally. 'Okay.'

He smiled, pecked me on the lips again, and opened the door for me.

…

I was walking back to the common room, minding my own business, when Sirius appeared, out of nowhere—

'You seem to get called back a fair bit by Melrose,' he commented.

I was surprised to see that there wasn't the faintest trace of a joke as he said this.

He was- pardon the pun (oh who am I kidding. I _love _the pun)- completely serious.

I shrugged.

'Oh, you know how I am with handing in assignments,' I lied, scratching my nose (apparently your nose actually does grow a bit when you lie, so if someone is saying something suspicious and itching their nose, they're probably lying. True fact, I read it in Witch Weekly).

Suddenly, Sirius took my arm.

'Look,' he said, clearing his throat uncomfortably, 'I want you to be careful about him. He's… he's not all he seems.'

I was taken aback.

'I'm sorry, are you implying something?' I asked icily.

Sirius smiled. He almost looked relieved.

'Oh… no…. no… just giving you a heads up, that's all,' he said, smiling and holding the portrait door open for me.

We walked into the common room to find that it was empty, which made going our separate extremely awkward.

'So… you and I used to be… playmates?' he said uncomfortably.

I blushed.

'Apparently so,' I muttered.

'Pity you got naked for me so young,' he laughed. 'I can't remember any of it.'

I raised an eyebrow and had to remind myself that Sirius flirts like this with everyone.

'Perhaps we should have a playdate sometime soon,' he grinned.

I shouldn't have felt a flutter in my stomach as he said this, but I did. Part of me wished he was being serious (there it is again!)

'Would we get naked?' I laughed.

'Of course. What's a playdate without nudity!' he exclaimed.

I laughed, but then sighed.

'Yeah, I don't know how Melissa would feel about that,' I said quietly.

'Who's Melissa?' Sirius frowned.

'Weren't you going out with her?' I said incredulously.

He frowned, and then his eyes widened.

'Oh… _her. _No, I ended it a few weeks ago.'

He rolled his eyes and I couldn't help disliking him a bit for it. Melissa was gorgeous. I was a fool to ever think that Sirius and I could ever have a 'playdate' that would lead to anything more than meaningless shagging.

'I… I need to get ready. Mary and I are going out tonight,' I said eventually. I was pretty awkward.

He groaned.

'Again? Didn't you get drunk on Wednesday?'

I laughed.

'What are you? My mother?'

He shrugged.

'Speaking of,' he said quietly, avoiding my eyes, 'You shouldn't listen to her about your appearance. I… I'm not the only one in this school who thinks you look…'

He trailed off and cleared his throat quickly.

'Let's just put it this way- most guys don't like wafer-thin girls. You don't need to change a thing about you.'

I stared at Sirius, shocked. And then, I couldn't help it. I hugged him tightly.

'Thank you,' I whispered, blushing as we separated. 'I know you don't really think that- because all your past girlfriends have been rakish - but it was sweet of you to say that all the same.'

'Yeah,' Sirius said, looking (again) serious, 'But the only girlfriend I ever really liked wasn't close to being rakish.'

I had to think for a while whom he was talking about, and then I remembered Helen Asteria. I thought it was rather insulting to her that he should even say that. That girl had curves, but they were in all the right places.

And being curvaceous is one thing. I'm not curvaceous; I'm fat.

'Anyway,' he said, shrugging. 'You should go get ready. Have a good night and please, for the sake of Gryffindor, don't end up on the Common Room floor. We can't afford to lose any more points.'

…

He really is quite sweet. I never would have expected it from him. You see, this is my dilemma- at times he's this really nice guy who has the potential to be quite sensitive and meaningful… but then at other times, he makes crude remarks about my tits.

Mary's calling for me to hurry my sorry arse up.

One last thing- why did Sirius warn me about Daniel? Will have to ask Daniel on Sunday. Was very strange indeed.

* * *

**Hm, Sirius knows something about Melrose. But what is it?**

_As soon as he kissed me, I felt a wave of nausea overcoming me. I'll spare you the gory details (I'd rather forget), but let's just say we're back to counting Sirius shudders._

**Reviews make my day, so please leave one if you're reading!**

**Love, Miss A. Jones**

**P.S. I've had a review from a concerned reader regarding plagiarism from 'The Good Morrow'. You don't need to worry, because I'm actually Anya, writing this story under a different pen name! But thank you for your concern, all the same. I was very touched!**


	3. Chapter 3: January 23 to 31

**January 23**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 10 st 2lb (horrible, but soon to drastically change)

Height: 5ft 5 (I can always wish)

Calories: Irrelevant with Atkins Diet

Weight loss potions: 3

Lustful thoughts about Daniel: 150 (off anti-lust potion as counteracts with weight-loss potion)

Lustful thoughts about Sirius: 1 (good)

Study: 2 hours (not enough, but too dizzy from weight-loss potion to concentrate)

Exercise: 2 hours (1 hour walk to Hogsmeade, half hour jog, half hour sit ups etc)

* * *

9am- Today is the day. I am soon to be a _thin_ sex goddess. I don't care what Sirius says about liking curvy girls. If I'm to get shagged anytime soon, I want to be confident about my body.

I didn't drink much last night so, when we came back at 1am, I spent an hour researching various diets presented in Witch Weekly. I've decided to do a combination of the Atkins Diet and Madame Slim's Weight Loss potion.

The Atkins Diet is a strict no-carbohydrate diet (which means no bread or cakes! How will I survive?), but I'm allowed to eat as much fat and protein as I like. So, when I go on my date with Daniel tomorrow, I can just order a steak and salad, and he won't think anything of it! Hmm, not sure how to get around the dessert dilemma …

How Atkins works, is that it induces a state of starvation because the body burns carbohydrates before it uses up its fat stores. So, by cutting out the carbohydrate in my diet, I will fool my body into thinking it's starving and burn all that repulsive fat away!

Now I don't know much about Madame Slim's Weight Loss potion, but there were various quotes from success stories, and all the models had good bodies and seemed satisfied with the product, so I think I'll try it. I'm hoping it will amplify the weight loss effects so that I become wafer-thin in no time!

On that note, I'm off to Hogsmeade to buy the potion from the apothecary.

12 noon- Right. The apothecarian was quite annoying. He kept asking me all these questions about what I knew about the potion, and harped on about its side effects. It was rather tiresome, really. I just wanted to get on with my weight loss, but he kept trying to hold me back.

Have read the instructions, and it says to drink a cup of the potion (mix a teaspoon of the powder with water) with each meal. Will drink two with lunch, as missed out on drinking first dose of potion with breakfast.

.

2pm- I think I look skinnier already! Off to try skinny jeans and see if am any skinner….

.

2.05pm- Hmph. Not skinnier. Still can't fit into jeans.

.

3pm- Miss bread.

.

3.30pm- Not even allowed milk in induction phase of Atkins Diet! What is this? I'm English, I can't _not _have milk in my tea!

.

3.45- Having Earl Gray tea without milk. It's tolerable. Wish I could have a scone with my tea, though… or a macaron. Oh Merlin, _really_ want a macaron…

Must be strong. Must think of shagging Daniel, and how much better will be if I am thin.

.

10pm- I'm feeling a little queasy. Had a bad episode in the bathroom just now… think potion is emptying everything out. Oh crap, need to go again.

.

10.10pm- Maybe diarrhoea is side effect of Atkins? Would have thought that high fat diet would make me constipated.

Or maybe I shouldn't have had two potions at lunch? Hmm, stomach is actually a bit painful. Will try sleeping it off.

10.11pm- Oooh just remembered big date with Daniel tomorrow! So excited!

* * *

**January 24**

Weight: 10 st (solid improvement)

Height: 5ft 5 (Still hoping)

Calories: N/A

Weight loss potions: 3

Lustful thoughts about Daniel: 150 (off anti-lust potion as counteracts with weight-loss potion)

Lustful thoughts about Sirius: - 100000

Study: 3 hours (average. Still dizzy)

Exercise: 3 hours (2 x 1 hour walks, half hour jog, half hour sit ups etc)

* * *

10am- Woke up with horrible cramps. Ran to the bathroom and threw up. Was so painful I actually cried. Realised I had gotten my period, so waddled- still crying- to the Hospital Wing.

Of all people to meet on the way, I met James and Sirius. Both were acting extremely suspiciously, but I didn't care because cramps were so horrible.

Found it even harder to explain why I was crying and clutching my stomach as though I was going into labour (I can't imagine anything worse than those cramps)-

'Anna, what's wrong?', Sirius said, taking my arm. 'Has someone hurt you?'

'You're not drunk, are you?' James said disdainfully (prat).

I shook my head and sniffed tearfully.

'No… I just… don't feel well.'

'You should go to the Hospital Wing,' Sirius said.

I snorted (a bit mean, but I was in so much pain I wasn't thinking straight).

'I'm not an idiot, Sirius. Just where did you think I was going?'

He looked affronted.

'Oh… right,' he said quietly. 'Would you like us to come with you?'

I winced as I felt another horrible cramp, and then felt him taking my arm as he led me down the corridor.

'What is it?' he said, concerned.

'None of your business,' I snapped. 'Look I…' (winced again) 'I just want to be alone, okay!'

He let go of my arm.

'Okay,' he said coolly.

And with that, he and James left me and I continued down the corridor in my menstrual-bitch-type fashion.

.

As soon as I saw Madam Pomfrey, she knew exactly what was wrong with me and gave me a batch of lovely painkiller potion. She let me sleep off the rest of the pain in the Hospital Wing before giving me a few more vials of potion to take away with me.

When I went down to breakfast, I felt really bad for how rude I had been to Sirius and James, but they weren't there for me to apologise.

Still feel bad. They were only trying to be nice. It's not their fault they're not cursed with monthly bleeds (bastards!).

Waiting/studying in the common room for them to come back.

.

1pm- Hmph. They weren't at lunch either. Maybe they're at Hogsmeade? Will go for a walk by the quidditch pitch in case they've got training. If not, had might as well jog around the pitch and get my daily jog out of the way.

.

3pm- They weren't there.

My day's going so terribly. First I get my period. Then, I go and act like a total bitch to the sex god of Hogwarts and his friend, and now I can't fit into my dress for tonight because I'm too bloated!

Fuck, I hate periods.

.

4pm- I've never told anyone this, but I read that it happens in Witch Weekly, so I'm obviously not as weird as I think I am for feeling this way-

Whenever I get my periods, I get incredibly horny. Like, I wish I could shag anything that moves. It'd probably help with the pain, come to think of it.

Hmm, wonder if Daniel will shag me tonight? Would be messy, though. Not sure I'd want to lose my virginity when on my period. Kind of gross, really.

.

4.30pm- If we were to do it in a water-based environment (lake/sea/shower), would reduce messiness greatly… maybe?

.

5pm- Sod studying. I'm going to sleep. Hopefully bloating will subside by date.

.

6.30pm- Fuck, fuck, fuck. Overslept. Am meant to already be there, but am still in pyjamas. Don't have an owl to tell him will be late…. Crap.

.

11pm-

I have discovered a very powerful weapon. Being late.

When I finally arrived (half an hour late), he looked so uncertain and was so inquisitive (I think he was jealous) that he doubled his efforts during the date. That meant 2 bottles of wine (I kept vanishing my wine- pity, because it was good wine- but am not allowed to drink with Atkins diet), full three course meal (found a way to vanish my tart when he wasn't looking), and an extra-long snog session.

And if I thought the snogging was amazing before, let me say it was nothing compared to today. There was much more urgency, and his hands actually kept creeping up my skirt (of course, had to push them away. Shudder to think of his reaction if he discovered my period this way. Ugh!)

Because I'm still feeling a bit sick and dizzy, I said I wanted to go home earlier (even though part of me really wanted to stay). He looked surprised, and then asked me out for next Sunday right away!

Don't want to sound ahead of myself, but have a sneaking suspicion that Daniel really likes me. Will be interesting to see how things go during the week. Maybe he'll start paying a bit of attention to me around the school… I hope so.

* * *

**January 25**

Weight: 9 st 12 lbs (Yes! Yes! Love Madame Slim! Love Dr Atkins!)

Height: 5ft 5 (Is being short that bad a thing?)

Calories: N/A

Weight loss potions: 3

Lustful thoughts about Daniel: 3 (strangely, libido has diminished greatly)

Hours spent regretting words to Sirius/James: All day

Exercise: 3 hours (2 x 1 hour walks, half hour jog, half hour sit ups etc)

* * *

10pm- Despite bloating, have lost so much weight! My tongue feels a bit funny, cramps are still present, as are the bowel issues… but all worth the weight loss! Can't weight for bloating to subside. Then, the effects of weight loss will be much more visible.

Have been exercising fiendishly. It's becoming an obsession.

Speaking of obsessions, wasn't able to catch Sirius or James. Each time I tried to go up to them, they found a way to disappear. Maybe I should write them a letter, apologising? But what to say? 'I had my period?'

Guys freak out about that sort of thing.

Didn't see Daniel today but, funnily enough, this didn't really bother me. I've been too focused on losing weight and exercising today.

Will study more tomorrow.

* * *

**January 26**

Weight: 9 st 11 lbs (Good! Good!)

Height: 5ft 5

Calories: N/A

Weight loss potions: 3

Lustful thoughts about Daniel: 0

Apology letters to Sirius/James: 20

Apology letters sent to Sirius/James: 0

Exercise: 3.5 hours (2x walk, 1 hour x jog, half hour exercises)

Study: 4 hours (good)

* * *

Have officially lost my libido. Saw Daniel today, and felt nothing. Actually felt a bit panicky at the thought of going on a date with him next Sunday, as this will take place during my usual evening walk and exercises.

I had DADA and really couldn't see the point in lusting after Daniel so I did what I almost never do- I concentrated in class. He kept trying to catch my eye and, at one point, directly asked me a question- where is a bezoar found. I'm proud to say that I knew the answer was a goat's stomach. I think he was almost surprised that I knew the answer, which made me a bit angry, to be quite honest. I mean, I know I do stupid things on a half-hourly basis, and I don't study as much as I should, but I actually get decent grades. They're not Lily Evans-good, or anything, but they're certainly not below average.

Sometimes, I wish people would realise that I'm not as stupid as I look. I think I'm going to try a bit harder with my studies from now on. And keep my mouth shut as much as I can.

In other news- the period is subsiding, but still have bowel issues. Tongue still feels funny, and no matter how much I brush my teeth, they still feel a bit furry. Also suspect have developed halitosis (hah fancy word! I'm not so stupid after all!)

But am losing weight at a beautiful rate, so it's all worth it.

Was too embarrassed to try apologising to Sirius and James today. Composed numerous letters, but they all seemed so awkward. At lunchtime, saw Sirius talking to a girl in Ravenclaw, and was surprised that it stung a bit.

But, of course, she was really pretty. And, despite what he said last week, twiggy-thin.

Oh well. I'm well on my way to becoming rakish, so it's all fine.

* * *

**January 27**

Weight: 9 st 10 lbs (I can see the results! My skirt is hanging much more loosely on my hips!)

Height: 5ft 5

Calories: N/A

Weight loss potions: 4 (trying to maximise effects)

Lustful thoughts about anyone: 0

Apologies to Sirius and James: 1

Successful apologies: Suspect 0

Exercise: 3 hours (2x walk, half hour x jog, half hour exercises)

Study: 4 hours (good)

* * *

10am- Cornered Sirius and James as they were coming down from Boys' dorms. They both were rather distant. My apology went like this (horrible!)-

'Um… hi.'

They both merely looked at me. Maybe they're not good in mornings? Then again, that couldn't be right because they're always having quidditch training sessions in the morning…

'Listen,' I continued awkwardly, 'I… I was in a lot of pain the other day, and wasn't really thinking straight. I feel really bad about how rude I was to you both. You were only being nice and looking out for me, and I just…er… threw it in your faces.'

I looked at them, pleading for them to smile and say that they hadn't thought anything of it, but they didn't.

James merely shrugged and muttered, 'Don't worry about it.'

Sirius wasn't even looking at me. I saw he had a letter in his hand, and he kept opening the flap of the envelope impatiently.

'So… we're okay?' I said uncertainly.

'Yeah, sure,' James nodded. 'Sorry, but we've got to go somewhere.'

And with that, they left me. I don't know, but that really didn't seem like they accepted my apology.

.

11am- Discussed it with Mary in Potions. She thinks it might have something to do with the fact that Remus hasn't been seen around school for the past few days. Apparently his mum's sick again.

Maybe it's serious. I'm really worried for Remus, now. He's so sweet, I hope his mum's okay.

.

10pm- Bleh. Just received a formal invitation from _my own mother_ to have afternoon lunch with her and my father in Hogsmeade this Sunday. I'm not joking- it's on proper white card and printed out like a sodding wedding invitation or something.

That woman infuriates me. She sent along an extra note that went like so—

_Darling, I hope you're making more of an effort on your appearance. Make sure you talk to Sirius as often as you can. He comes from a very rich family, you know. Old money. I've heard tell that he's moved out of home, but I'm sure this is only a temporary thing. You know how boys can be._

_When he graduates, he'll be a very eligible catch. I suggest you exercise all your efforts into catching him. He's also a very good-looking boy which will be excellent for any offspring you produce._

I think the worst part of it all is that she actually unashamedly believes all that advice she gives me. Sometimes, I desperately wish that she's spent her entire life taking the piss with all these dumb theories and ideas of hers…. But she hasn't. She thinks she's absolutely correct and clever.

I wish dad would set her straight, but he's hopeless when it comes to mother.

Don't know why. Actually, I do. It's because, I'm ashamed to admit, my mother is a sex goddess. Still is, in her middle age. Men have always fawned over and bent over backwards to please her.

And me? Surely, as her 'offspring' (as she refers to my brother and I), I'd inherit some of this sex goddess-ness?

Apparently not. Hmph. I'm not going to reply. I refuse to send back an RSVP card to my own parents.

Think I'll send a letter to dad, though. I miss him.

* * *

**January 28**

Weight: 9 st 9 lbs (Wish loss was slightly bigger. After all, I did take an extra portion of potion)

Height: 5ft 5

Calories: N/A

Weight loss potions: 4 (still trying to maximise effects)

Lustful thoughts about anyone: 0.5

Attempts to generate lustful thoughts: Countless

Exercise: 1 hours (terrible!)

Hours spent counselling Mary about her fuckwit boyfriend: Too many

Study: 1 hours (Blame Mary)

* * *

11am- Just had transfiguration. James and Sirius kept whispering and passing notes in class. Minnie lost her nut. As she had told Mary and I off for talking earlier in the class, she made us swap places so that Mary was to sit with Sirius, and I had to sit with James.

James was silent for a lot of it, but I couldn't help it. When we started doing practical work (it's unfair how good James is at transfiguration), I cracked—

'You're still angry at me, aren't' you?' I burst out.

He looked surprised.

'What?'

'You're both still angry at me,' I repeated, feeling depressed.

'About what?' he said, looking confused.

'The other day,' I said slowly. 'You know how I got angry at you for…'

'Oh _that_,' James laughed. 'No, we're not. Trust me.'

My shoulders slumped.

'Oh…well… good.'

James raised an eyebrow.

'That time of the month?' he said quietly.

I winced.

'James,' I said through gritted teeth, 'That's _n__o_t something I want to discuss with you.'

He laughed.

'Don't worry, we figured that out pretty quickly. We've had girlfriends before. We know the signs and symptoms.'

'Huh.'

It was kind of depressing to hear about them having had girlfriends, because it highlighted just how hopeless my own love life has been. I've had one boyfriend, and that was in third year when I dated Russell Bland for a week.

The worst part of that story is that he dumped me because he decided he wanted to take up Chess Club instead of having a girlfriend.

'Hey, look,' James continued, glancing over his shoulder at Sirius, 'It's a bit of a tough time at the moment. With Remus's mum and Sirius'…'

James trailed off and bit his lip.

'Sirius' what?' I pressed.

'Look, he's just having girl troubles at the moment.'

I felt that little sting again.

'Girl trouble?' I repeated, trying to sound nonchalant.

James surveyed me for a moment.

'You seem to know a bit about this kind of stuff. But this is just between you and I, okay?'

I nodded eagerly.

'Well, an ex-girlfriend of his has been contacting him lately. It was a pretty bad breakup. She cheated on him, you see, but he still likes her. Now, she keeps suggesting that they meet up for coffee, but he's not sure if it's worth getting back with her.'

He paused.

'I think he still really likes her- much more than any other girl he's ever been with- but can he trust her? What do you think?'

I had a fair idea which girlfriend of Sirius' James was referring to. Part of me wanted to say that she was a cheating whore and that Sirius should tell her to piss right off….

But another part of me sort of felt they belonged together. They were both beautiful and smart. Together, they just _looked _like sex. Even though she's a year older than him, they just looked so 'cool'. They were definitely the 'it' couple of Hogwarts.

But then she finished school, and when Sirius came back to Hogwarts last September, he was newly single and dating a different girl a week.

I remember being a little depressed at hearing that they had split up. Even though I always fantasised about Sirius, he was always just that- a fantasy. I always knew I'd never stand a chance with him.

I think what disappointed me the most about their breakup was the fact that- if two people who seemed so absolutely perfect for each other couldn't make it- what chance do the rest of us stand?

I hesitated for a while before noticing that James was waiting for an answer.

'Look, it depends on how she cheated on him and the situation. If it was a misunderstanding, that's very different to her purposely setting out to cheat on him. Also, if substances- like alcohol or drugs- were involved, she's held less accountable.'

I paused.

'The most important factors, are what she did, and how many times she did it. Did she simply snog someone else, or did she actually shag him? I think a snog is forgivable, but shagging not so much. And was it just the once, or many times? If it was a one-time mistake, he has to decide whether he's willing to overlook whatever it was under the idea that 'we're all human and we all make mistakes.'

I paused and looked to James, who was looking at me as though I was crazy.

'What?' I said, frowning. I mean, I know I do some crazy and stupid things, but I didn't think any of what I had just said was either. In fact, I was quite proud of how sensible my advice had been.

'How on earth do you think so deeply about these sorts of things?' he said (he sounded impressed). 'You… you think of all these different situations and… wow.'

I beamed, feeling important.

'I'll pass that advice on,' James nodded. 'Have you ever considered counselling?'

I laughed.

'Me? If anyone needs a counsellor in this school, it's me!' I exclaimed.

James laughed.

'Nah, you're alright. We all have funny little things we do. At least yours provide everyone else with comic relief.'

I crossed my arms.

'Yes, but while everyone laughs _with _you at the comedy you bring to their lives with your pranks and whatnot, everyone's laughing _at_ me. It's not quite the same thing.'

James laughed and merely ruffled my hair. Minnie told him off, but I couldn't help smiling nonetheless. I think I actually love James Potter.

…

4pm- Had DADA, but kept staring at Sirius the entire time. Is he really getting back with Helen Asteria? He was different when he was going out with her. A bit more up arrogant. He wouldn't speak to anyone who wasn't a Marauder or her.

Ever since they broke up, he's become a lot nicer to everyone else. Much more down-to-earth.

Maybe that's why we've been more on speaking terms this year.

Is it selfish to hope they don't get back together because I don't want him to turn back into his old self? I can't believe she cheated on him! Who would cheat on _Sirius Black_? I mean… the other guy would have had to have been amazing.

Daniel-amazing.

I think all my staring at Sirius annoyed Daniel, because he called me back at the end of class. As soon as he shut the door, he crashed his lips on mine and kissed me till my lips felt bruised.

As before, I found it really hard to get into it. Before this diet, I would have wanted him to shag me then and there.

But today, I sort of got bored after a while. I was a bit hungry, really.

When we separated, though, he said something which actually made me want to shag him then and there-

'Have you lost weight? You feel thinner.'

I was so happy that I kissed him again.

.

5pm- Lack of lust is probably a good thing. Will stop taking slimming potion when am satisfied with weight. And, when am satisfied with weight, will be satisfied with body enough to shag. My libido will return at the exact right time! Perfect!

.

7pm- Fuck. Speaking of cheating partners… John St Claire (Mary's boyfriend) apparently snogged Alyssa Jirkby. Fuckwit.

Long night ahead.

* * *

**January 29**

Weight: 9 st 7 lbs (Good! Good! Haven't been this thin in years! Love this diet!)

Height: 5ft 5

Calories: N/A

Weight loss potions: 5 (I know it's almost double the recommended, but I love the results to much)

Exercise: 5 hours (to make up for yesterday's lack of exercise)

Time spent spying on Sirius in class: Approximately 3 hours

Study: 0

* * *

I have achieved a milestone today. I was able to fit into my skinny jeans. I haven't been able to fit into them since I was 15!

Am finding it difficult to concentrate on anything other than losing more weight, today. Have spied on Sirius a fair bit in class- he does seem rather troubled (but oh so handsomely so). Makes me want to hug him. Maybe I can, in the name of therapy?

Mary was a wreck last night. She finished an entire bottle of wine on her own, and kept crying over and over again. According to John, he was cornered by Alyssa and she forced herself on him, but he felt so bad about it that he told Mary.

We're not entirely sure what to believe. I think it's quite plausible. After all, Alyssa is a notorious tart and man-stealing whore, so it's not surprising that she would do such a thing.

Nonetheless, we decided that Mary should ignore John for the next week (at least) to make him suffer for it, and to ensure that such a thing never happens ever again.

Off to exercise more. It's addictive.

* * *

**January 30**

Weight: 9 st 3 lbs (Is that even possible? Can't believe it! Will drink an extra potion today, as it's obviously doing wonders!)

Height: 5ft 5 (but thinner, so height is okay now)

Calories: N/A

Weight loss potions: 6

Lustful thoughts about anyone: 0

Exercise: 6 hours

* * *

8pm- Have spent most of today doing some form of exercise. Can't believe how thin I've become. Everyone's noticing it- even James Potter! He asked me if I'd been getting fit! So happy!

Remus came back today. Poor boy, he was so pale and thin…. His mother must have been in a very bad state. He said she'll be okay for now. I'll say one thing- his mother's lucky to have such a dedicated son. Then again, his mother is probably much less infuriating than my own mother, who _resent _me the _exact same invitation_ notice with the envelope stamped as 'urgent'.

Honestly, that woman.

A bit worried that dad hasn't written back. Normally he replies straight away.

.

10pm- Had snuck off to do a bit more exercise when I ran into Sirius, coming from the direction of the Whomping Willow. He looked surprised to see me—

'What are you doing here?'

'Could ask you the same question,' I said, raising my eyebrows.

He shrugged.

'Just came from Hogsmeade. You?'

'Just went for a jog,' I said, grinning.

He looked me up and down.

'Have you lost weight?' he said, frowning.

I felt outraged at his lack of enthusiasm at my new figure. He almost looked as though he didn't like the new me!

'Yes,' I said dully. 'Trying to get fit.'

He frowned.

'You mother hasn't….'

'No,' I interrupted haughtily.

'Oh,' he said. 'You look like you've lost it a bit too quickly. No offence, but you look really drawn.'

I crossed my arms, feeling hurt tears pricking my eyes. After all that effort, only to look _drawn_?

'You yourself look drawn,' I said stiffly.

He nodded.

'Yeah, been having a few personal issues lately.'

I raised an eyebrow, but he said nothing further on the subject. He then turned to me.

'Are you doing anything tomorrow?'

I felt taken aback.

'Um… well, I'm having this lunch with my parents.'

'What about tomorrow evening?'

I blushed.

'I've got a date.'

He surveyed me.

'Anyone I know?'

I couldn't help smiling.

'Perhaps,' I said slyly.

Sirius shook his head.

'Your loss. I was going to suggest we have a playdate- for old times' sakes- but seeing as you're busy…. Though I can't imagine your date would be as undeniably charming and handsome as me,' he grinned.

I rolled my eyes.

'Actually, he's even better… not that you're charming and… okay, you are a _bit _handsome. I'll give you that... Not that you need to be told,' I added

Sirius laughed.

'Better than me? Now that's something I don't believe. Ah, but they say 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder', so I suppose you really must be blinded by love.'

I merely shook my head. Luckily, we'd arrived at the common room by that stage so there weren't any awkward silences.

.

11pm- Just woke up suddenly… did Sirius Black just ask me out? Oh sweet Circe….

.

11.05pm- It matters not if Sirius Black asked me out or not, because I already have my own infinitely handsome, charming and amazing man.

.

11.10pm- I can't deny that it's hard, not knowing exactly the nature of our 'relationship'. If one can even call it that…. I think I'm going to have to have the dreaded 'talk' with Daniel, tomorrow. Eek!

* * *

**January 31**

Weight: 9 st (I never imagined, in my wildest dreams, that I'd reach this weight so soon!)

Height: 5ft 5

Calories: N/A

Weight loss potions: 4

Lustful thoughts about anyone: 0.5 (ashamed to say it's about Sirius)

Hours spent apologising to Sirius: 2

Hours spent listening to my mother's lectures: Too many…

* * *

I felt really sick when I woke up today. Very nauseous.

Somehow, I managed to get up and put on my running gear. I downed two potions on an empty stomach and decided that I didn't want to eat breakfast (especially seeing as I was going to have lunch with my parents later on).

The runs had returned, and I had to sit on the toilet for a while. Horrible business.

Nonetheless, I still managed to go on my run. I ran past the quidditch pitch where the Gryffindor team was training, but didn't stop to watch them. I was completely focused. Absolutely nothing was going to stop me.

I was concentrating on the horizon ahead of me and pushing myself to run even faster, when a black figure on a broomstick suddenly swooped down in front of me.

I screamed, but then calmed down when I realised it was Sirius.

By this stage, I felt really, really ill. It's always shit when you're running really hard and then have to stop suddenly... so the fact that I already felt nauseous and gross didn't mean good things.

My vision was blurry and I kept blinking to try focusing my vision as he dismounted his broom and walked up to me.

'Anna, I…'

'Sirius,' I panted. I wanted to tell him that my vision was spotting and that he should grab me before I fainted.

But, before I could finish my sentence, he pulled me to him, and kissed me.

Believe me, I had fantasised about that moment ever since I first (technically- 'secondly') laid eyes on Sirius on my first day at Hogwarts.

And, every single time I had fantasised about kissing him, it _never_ went the way it actually did. How it turned out was too horrific for even my worst nightmares—

As soon as he kissed me, I felt another wave of nausea overcoming me. I'll spare you the gory details (I'd rather not recount it but would prefer to forget the horrific incident), but let's just say that we're back to counting Sirius shudders.

I fainted before I could see his reaction (something I'm sort of thankful for).

When I came to, I was in the Hospital Wing. My parents were sitting one on either side of the bed. Sirius was sitting at the (very far) end of the bed. He looked as though he was in physical pain just looking at me.

I don't blame him.

Madam Pomfrey is too clever. She knew right away that I had been using Madame Slim's Potion, and said that the product had been classified as a dangerous one when not used according to the guidelines. She managed to extract from me (don't know how she does it) that I had been taking much more potion than the recommended dosage, and that I had also been on the Atkin's Diet, as well as exercising vigorously.

Apparently, it says on the instructions that low-carbohydrate diets and heavy exercise are contraindicated with the potion. Whoops. Maybe I should have listened to the apothecarian after all…

Naturally, as soon as Madam Pomfrey left, my mother launched into a never-ending lecture on how silly I was, not to have read the instructions. She then said how stupid I was to lose weight through a new, largely untested potion, when she had been willing to pay for me to have gastric banding surgery.

My dad intergected everynow and then, saying—

'Pam, she's been sick. Let her rest'…. But Mother ignored him as per usual and continued her rant.

Thankfully, Madam Pomfrey told them to let me rest. I didn't want Sirius there. Even though I kept apologising to him and he kept telling me that it was okay, I felt horrible. Not just about the puking, but about how he had to hear my mum go on and on about her stupid ideas about gastric banding (though given my actions with the potion, I suppose I'm hardly better).

There was also the fact that- forgetting the sickness and everything- he had kissed me. Part of me wanted to know if he actually liked me, but another part didn't because I'm with Daniel now. And I _like_ Daniel. Obviously, we've been moving very slowly due to the slight legal issue of his being my teacher, and the fact that I've been so obsessed with losing weight over the past week… but that doesn't mean that I'm going to drop it all because Sirius Black has kissed me.

I'm also a little annoyed. I told Sirius only the other day that I was with someone else. He had no right kissing me. He should have known better- especially seeing as Helen's cheating on him obviously hurt him.

…

9pm- I thought this day couldn't get any worse, but it just did.

I woke up to find my parents in the room. Mother clicked her tongue disapprovingly as she realised that I was awake.

'You kept us waiting for so long,' she said, sounding irritated.

'Pam,' my dad growled. 'She's your daughter. You should be glad to wait for her.'

She clicked her tongue again.

'You see, that's where we went wrong with her,' she snapped. 'You constantly indulge her selfish tendencies.'

I was too exhausted to argue.

'You could have just gone home,' I said weakly.

'No,' mother said, looking at me sternly. 'We stayed, because we have news for you. That's why we invited you to lunch.'

'Oh no, you're not arranging a marriage for me with Sirius Black,' I joked weakly. 'After today, I'm not too sure he'd be a willing party in the marriage.'

My dad suppressed a snort.

'Colin!' mother snapped.

He fell silent, and I couldn't help noticing that he himself looked drawn and upset.

Mother cleared her throat and held her head high.

'Anna, your father and I are taking a break from each other.'

I stared at them, completely dumbfounded. My parents- who had always lived in the same house, who were always mother and dad, at home… with Jamie and I…. Were no longer?

'What?' I whispered numbly, feeling as though my entire world had crashed around me.

'Don't say 'what', Anna,' mother said, sounding irritated. 'Say 'pardon'.'

I wonder if Madam Pomfrey's got a stash of liquor anywhere in this Hospital Wing… I think I'll be needing it.

* * *

**Uh oh, Anna's parents are separating, Sirius kissed Anna, and she's missed her date with Daniel... what will happen next?**

**A little teaser for you all-**

'The wax clump was starting to get painful, but there was no way I was telling Sirius Black that I had wax stuck to my crotch.'

**What's Anna gone and done this time?**

**Please leave me a review on your way out. That would make me very, very happy!**

**Love, Anya**


	4. Chapter 4: February 1 to 7

**February 1**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 5lbs (feel so cheated. Instant gain of 5 pounds? How?)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 2000 (Madam Pomfrey-enforced diet for recovery) + 500 calories in chocolate (non-Madam Pomfrey diet)

Drinks: 1 bottle champagne (not celebratory)

Movies: 1

New friends: 1

* * *

1pm- I didn't go to any classes today. Madam Pomfrey has ordered that I come to the hospital wing to eat all my meals for the next month because she thinks I have an eating disorder. I think that's a bit harsh. I mean, just because I didn't follow the directions on a fad potion, doesn't make me anorexic or anything…

I still can't believe my parents have split up. Even though I could never for the life of me understand what my father ever saw in my mother (past her sex goddess-facade, that is), I still want them to be together. I want to come home at Christmas or over summer and have both of them there.

That's the strange thing about my parents. Even though they're so widely different in personality, I always felt that they somehow complemented each other well. There was always that balance.

But now? Am having horrific visions of coming home over the summer to only mother (I'll surely die. I won't survive an entire summer alone with that woman), while dad is off wasting away in some brothel in Amsterdam, trying to forget his woes.

.

2pm- No, no, no. This can't be happening. Have to get them back together.

.

2.30pm- As I'm of age, I can choose to live with dad, can't I? That mightn't be so bad…

.

3pm- Humph. Just received snarky letter from mother—

_Dear Anna,_

_I hope you're not indulging in any other stupid activities such as your latest dieting disaster. Darling, I've told you many times. If you're serious about your appearance, you'll ask me to book you in at that clinic where they do gastric banding. Laura Wootton's daughter had it done a month ago and the results have been spectacular!_

_Now, I know you were a little upset about the news your father and I gave you, but these things happen, darling. No need to make a fuss. We aren't. _

_This Sunday, there's a sale at Malkin Couture, Hogsmeade. I've had a tip off from my hairdresser. Meet me outside. We'll go for afternoon tea afterwards._

_Love,_

_Mother. _

Not going. No way am I meeting with her.

.

3.10pm- But Malkin Couture? I only ever _dream_ of those clothes…

.

3.15pm- No. Must be strong. She's using Malkin Couture as a way of seducing me to her side. Won't betray dad like that.

.

3.30pm- Could get her to buy me clothes and stay on dad's side anyway. As my mother, she's meant to buy me clothes. Doesn't mean she's bought my love…. Right?

.

4pm- Crap. Mary said that Daniel asked her where I was in class today. I completely forgot about our date last night- what with my little episode and parents and all…. He must hate me.

Should I send a letter, or see him in person? Hmm think seeing him in person is much more sincere…

.

6pm- Daniel was lovely. Completely understanding. Snogging definitely cheered me up, but we couldn't for long because he had a huge pile of assignments to mark. I wonder what he'll give me for my assignment? I put a lot of effort in it. Don't want him thinking that I'm as stupid as I really am…

.

11pm- Top night. Would never have expected it.

Mary and I were discussing my family disaster when Lily came in from the bathroom. She was looking at me with this really sad but sincere expression-

'Anna, I… I couldn't help overhearing. I'm so sorry.'

I shrugged and took the champagne bottle Mary offered me.

'S'ok,' I muttered. 'Thanks.'

Lily hesitated. She looked like there was some internal struggle going on inside her-

'I… I know I shouldn't be suggesting this as Head Girl and all, but I always find watching movies helps when I'm upset.'

Mary and I looked at her like she was crazy (we've done this often in the past, but only because of her crazy Authoritarian Bitchy ways, not because we actually thought she was mad).

'Do you know what a movie is?' she said slowly.

We shook our heads.

'It's this thing muggles do. It's like… moving pictures, with words and music and…'

She trailed off.

'It's sort of hard to explain. Do you just want to try it out and see if you like it? There's one in the muggle town near Hogsmeade.'

Anyway, so we went and saw this movie called High Society'. I just about died. Grace Kelly was the epitome of 'sex goddess'. She was just so amazingly beautiful and graceful.

I never knew that Grace Kelly used to be in these movie things. I just knew her as this stunningly poised muggle Princess?

Turns out Lily loves her as well. We're going to go watch Grace Kelly movies together! Feel bad for ever calling her a bitch. She's not. I think she just felt a little uncomfortable around Mary and I. She's really very sweet. Hope she and Potterhead get together sometime soon. They'd be lovely together.

.

11.10pm- Whoops. Mentioned James to Lily, and she went a little AB again…

note to self: never mention James again to Lily (unless she brings him up, obviously)

* * *

**February 2**

Weight: 9 stone 7lbs (Creeping up and up. V bad)

Height: 5 ft 5 (but possibly soon to be 5 ft 6 after all the stretching of today- trying to see quidditch match over top of Bowler's huge head)

Calories: 4000 (not actually sure how many, exactly. Have been eating non-stop today… but Quidditch Day, so exempt)

Drinks: Zillions

Gryffindor wins: 1

Slytherin losses: 1 (mwahahahahahaha)

* * *

10am- Huge egg & sausage & bacon breakfast with lots of toast and coffee. Raring to go for quidditch match. GO GRYFFINDOR!

Lily going to sit with us while we cheer Potterhead and his team on. V excited.

.

1pm- WE WON! PARTY TIME!

.

3am- Agahs ahs siriush bedhuw sleptimehsh

* * *

**February 3**

Weight: Don't care

Height: Irrelevent

Calories: Can't be bothered

Sirius shudders: 10 (they're more like flinches)

* * *

Yesterday was possibly one of the craziest parties of my existence. Even crazier than snogging my teacher in a club because, at the time, Daniel wasn't my teacher but just some person I was dancing with.

As I've already stated, Gryffindor won the match against Slytherin. Quite easily too. James Potter is a lord. He really is. He wove in and around all the vile, slithery Slytherins and scored again and again. Lily loved it. She had a perfectly innocent excuse for lusting over his tip top quidditch form.

I myself split my perving time half-half between Potterhead and Sirius. I know, I know, how could I resist looking at Sirius? The thing is, James Potter really is _that_ sexy when on a broom.

Not to say that Sirius isn't. I had to keep reminding myself about Daniel throughout the match, because seeing Sirius in his tight scarlet robes, beating the crap out of those bludgers with his strong, manly arms was… I'm getting hot just remembering it.

Things really turned crazy as soon as we won. Firstly, Lily kissed both Mary and I in her excitement and started screaming and cheering like the biggest fangirl I'd ever seen. Our divination teacher, Professor Meleta, thinks there'll be this teen pop sensation called 'Justin Bieber' in the future, who will cause girls to go crazy.

Lily was behaving how I imagine this Bieber kid's fans will be like.

Then, to our absolute shock, James Potter flew right over to the stands and came right up to Lily and said in his sexy, out-of-breath, voice-

'I believe we had a deal.'

Lily hesitated and then, before any of us could figure out what on earth James was yakking on about, she flung her arms around his neck and snogged him.

In full view of the entire school.

Things really went crazy then. There was a party in the Common Room and Sirius and Peter appeared with a full carton of firewhiskey as well as heaps of butterbeer.

Not one to let an excuse to party go to waste, I found a bottle of firewhiskey and sat in the corner, drinking it all and sharing with no one else.

Mary, still angry about her breakup with John St Claire (fuckwit of Hogwarts), was crying to Remus for the first part of the party. I watched on in my pleasant drunken state as he comforted her. Then, suddenly, she snogged him.

Now, I've always maintained that Remus is gay, despite his little tomboy (ex)girlfriend in Ravenclaw. So _I_ expected him to push her away and fess up the truth about his sexuality (or at least make an excuse about having a girlfriend).

But no. He snogged her back. For the entire night.

I must have looked horrified, because Sirius came up to me at some point and said-

'There's a pairing I never would have picked.'

'But… he's gay!' I exclaimed, indignant. Usually my gaydar's spot on.

Sirius laughed.

'No, he's not. We've all suspected him of being gay, but trust me when I say that Moony's straight as an arrow.'

My jaw dropped, and then I had to gulp a few times as I felt the need to puke. Sirius shuddered (he's getting better at noticing when I'm about to puke).

'Do you need a bathroom?' he asked uncertainly.

I nodded, clapping a hand over my mouth as he lead me across the midst of dancing and screeming teenagers to the Boy's staircase.

I had never actually visited the boy's dorms until then. I didn't really get the chance to enjoy them, however, because I lunged for the bathroom and threw up the better part of a bottle of firewhiskey as Sirius stood by, shuddering with my every retch.

When I had nothing left to throw up, so I rinsed out my mouth and slumped back against the wall, breathing heavily and sweating.

'You really like your drink, don't you?' he murmured, sitting next to me.

I felt too sleepy and drunk to have a proper conversation, so I rested my head on his shoulder.

'Mmm firewhiskey,' I mumbled (or something like that. I can't really remember very well).

'I… I wanted to talk to you about the other day,' he said hesitantly. 'I…'

Suddenly, I got a burst of energy and sprung up (alcohol works in mysterious ways).

'I'm not tired anymore,' I said excitedly. 'Let's go back to the party.'

I went back into the dorm and must have swayed, because Sirius caught me.

'Whoops,' I whispered.

Then, I became mesemerised by his smoulderingly sexy grey eyes.

'You have lovely eyes,' I wondered aloud. 'Actually, everything's lovely. Except your personality. You're a right git sometimes.'

I don't remember anything else clearly. I know I was on his bed at some point, I have a vague memory of trying to take off my clothes and Sirius telling me to put them back on because I was pissed.

At some point, I passed out.

This morning, I woke up, still on his bed and half-dressed. I was horrified. As I crept past the other beds, I saw Mary and Remus sleeping together (slut), and then, to my absolute horror and surprise, Lily and James on another bed. Unlike Mary, Lily was still fully dressed… but the fact that she had slept in James' bed was shocking enough.

Feeling like the biggest virgin in the school, I slowly made my way down the stairs to find the common room a catstrophic mess. On one of the couches was Sirius, sleeping. I couldn't help smiling as I watched him.

He could easily have taken advantage of me last night… or even at least just slept in the same bed. But he didn't. I have to respect that about him- he does treat women respectfully, even if he does go through us faster than his underwear (I'm guessing. Obviously I don't know Sirius' underwear schedule).

I wasn't sure what I should do- wake him and tell him he could have his bed back, or just let him keep sleeping?

I decided on the latter, but tripped over a broken coffee table as I was creeping around his couch, so I woke him up anyway.

'Jonesh?' he mumbled, squinting as he rubbed his eyes.

'Ouch,' I pouted, rubbing my sore knee. 'Sorry, I was trying to be quiet.'

'And failed, in typical Jones-style,' he laughed, stretching his arms (why, why, is he so sexy? I'm with Daniel. Shouldn't be having such thoughts about Sirius… or anyone else, for that matter).

I shifted uncomfortably.

'I was really drunk, last night,' I said awkwardly. 'I…'

'Yeah, it was a big night,' he interrupted, getting up. 'I don't know about you, but I'm starving. We can still make breakfast. Want to fuel up on a big hangover-cure breakfast?'

I got the impression that he had changed the topic on purpose. At the mention of food, however, my stomach growled ravenously.

'Yeah,' I said. 'That sounds like a grand idea.'

.

We were the only students from Gryffindor at the breakfast table. I looked across the hall and saw Daniel at the teachers' table. He was eyeing Sirius. Then, he glanced at me and flashed me a quick smile before turning back to Professor Slughorn.

Sirius and I said nothing as we loaded our plates up full of greasy goodness. We ate in silence for a while. The whole time, I kept on thinking that Daniel and I need to have a conversation about where our 'relationship' (if I can call it that) is going.

'Stupid,' Sirius muttered. 'Holding a match on a Tuesday. Do they think any of us are going to turn up to our first class?'

I frowned as I tried to remember what class we had first.

'DADA,' he said, reading my mind as he poured out coffee and handed some to me.

My eyes widened.

'Well, we should go,' I said, keeping my eyes fixed on my eggs. 'We're up… and Dan.. I mean, Melrose has seen us. It would be rude not to turn up.'

Sirius snorted.

'Yeah, I don't care about being rude to him,' he said harshly. 'I think I'm going to hit the showers and clear up our dorm a bit.'

I raised my eyebrows.

'Did you know that Lily and James were sleeping together this morning?' I exclaimed.

He grinned.

'Yeah, I saw them go up last night,' he said. 'And your friend Mary seemed to be getting her own 'happy ending' with Moony.'

I shuddered, and then looked up at Sirius. I had to know.

'Um… you, I…we didn't…'

He shook his head.

'No. You were pretty pissed. Don't worry, I'm not the kind to take advantage of a girl in that state.'

He paused, and then flashed me a cheeky smile.

'Don't need to. I have enough sober girls after me as it is.'

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help smiling with relief.

'Thanks, Sirius,' I said. 'And sorry for stealing your bed.'

He grinned.

'You're the first girl to sleep on my bed without shagging me. I'm not sure if I should be congratulating you or consoling you on that milestone.'

I laughed.

'I'll take the congratulations,' I said, drinking my coffee. 'Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to DADA.'

He scowled.

'You'll be the only person from Gryffindor,' he said sourly.

I shrugged.

'You could come too,' I said.

He shook his head and stood up and walked with me to the Great Hall entrance.

'No chance. I'll see you later, probably. In the meantime, I'm going to clean up Moony, Peter, and James's vomit. Fun.'

.

1pm- I wasn't alone in DADA, as all the Ravenclaws turned up. Daniel asked me where the rest of my house was, and I muttered something about a quidditch party. He was good about it, though. He laughed and said that he remembered quidditch parties being pretty big, back in his day, so he understands why no one else turned up.

Afterwards, I stayed behind. I really wanted to talk to him about 'us'.

'Daniel,' I said quietly. 'What are we?'

He looked a little confused.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean… are we… are we boyfriend/girlfriend… what are we?'

He leaned closer to me, and I quickly forgot about Sirius. Just the closeness made me want to shag him right there on the desk.

'I'm you're teacher, and you're my student,' he said.

I felt my heart sinking.

'So… so we're nothing? All those dinners, the snogging… it's nothing?'

He sighed and leant forward and kissed me slowly (need to go back on the anti-lust potion, I think).

'Let's just take this slowly, okay?' he muttered.

I pushed him away.

'I'm in my final year, here,' I said. 'I… if you don't want to be with me, tell me. But I'm sick of taking things slowly, and getting nowhere!'

He raised an eyebrow and his lips crooked into his gorgeous half-smile.

He took a step closer to me and I swallowed nervously as I backed against the wall. He leant forward and kissed me again, while another hair tangled in my (very messy) hair, pulling me closer to him.

Suddenly, seventeen years of repressed libido were unleashed. I _really _needed to do something more than simply snogging. I felt uncontrollable as I kissed him frantically and quickly undid the buttons of his shirt.

I sighed as his hands made their way under my shirt and I think I actually whimpered as they brushed over my tits. It felt like anywhere he touched had been set on fire.

He started kissing my neck as one of his hands slid down to my arse, then down my leg, hoisting it around his waist. I gasped as I felt something very hard pressing against my crotch.

The school bell suddenly rung, and we paused.

'I have to go,' he said quietly, releasing my leg and moving back a little.

I felt frustrated at being pushed away, _yet again_. I knew what I was about to ask was overstepping our silent boundary, but I couldn't help it—

'When?' I said simply. 'When's a good time.'

He straightened his tie and licked his lips slowly.

'Sunday,' he said quietly. 'This Sunday.'

I felt my shoulders slumping. I didn't want to wait _that long_… but then I remembered that I had a few matters of hygiene (such as the forest that was growing in my pants) that I should probably take care of before I get down to shagging him anyway.

'Fine,' I sighed, buttoning up my shirt.

He gave me a quick smile, pecked my cheek, and walked out of the room without another word.

* * *

**February 4**

Weight: 9st 8lbs (v bad. Must lower before Sunday)

Height: 5 ft 4.5 (how am I shorter? HOW? WHY?)

Calories: 1000 (angelic)

Lustful thoughts about Daniel: 100000

Lustful thoughts about Sirius: 1

Incredulity that Remus isn't gay: HUGE

* * *

8pm- Today, after dinner, I held an intervention in the girls' dorms (usually, interventions are being held against me, so was a pleasant change).

Shamefully, neither Mary, Remus, James, nor Lily were sighted in any classes yesterday. After a long day, I came back to the dorms (our ones), to find Lily and Mary out like dead fishes, with buckets of sick next to their beds.

I felt very sober and responsible. Something I'm not used to and don't want to be ever again.

Today, however, the disgraceful girls had no excuses. It was time for them to explain their shameful behaviour. I sat them down on my bed, and stood in front of them with my hands on hips, clicking my tongue.

'Right,' I said in my best Authoritarian Bitch voice (now I know why Lily assumed the role of Authoritarian Bitch all these years. It's lots of fun!) '_what _has gotten into you two?'

They shifted uncomfortably, avoiding my eyes. I cleared my throat.

'Lily? Would you care to explain yourself regarding the Potterhead?'

She suppressed the smile that tugged at her lips at the mention of her One True Love.

'I… it's been a long time coming. You've all said that,' she said sheepishly.

I nodded.

'Yes, that is true… but you slept in his bed.'

'Hey, _you_ slept in Sirius's bed!' Mary exclaimed.

I bowed my head.

'Yes,' I said fairly. 'But Sirius wasn't in the bed with me. James, however, was all but on top of dear Lily whilst they slept.'

Mary giggled.

'Did his morning glory wake you up, Lily?'

Lily's eyes widened with surprise, and her face turned the colour of her hair.

'Is that… is that _normal_?' she whispered. 'I was embarrassed about it.'

I shook my head, a virginal sexpert.

'No, all boys should get erections during their REM cycle of sleep,' I said knowledgably. 'It's a good sign. It means that everything's working down there.'

'Oh,' Lily said quietly, nodding and blushing harder.

'Well, Lily. Are you now going out with James Potter?'

She shrugged, blushing even more (at this rate, her face was going to be redder than her hair. I never thought that would be possible).

'I think so,' she whispered. 'He… we didn't _do _anything, other than… kiss.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Okay, you're boring us now,' I sighed. 'We'll come back to you when you've done the filthy with James. I'm guessing that will be a while away, though I must say you surprised us all by how fast you moved as soon as he first snogged you. Why, you jumped into his bed at lightning speed! The only person I've known to jump into someone's bed any faster is…'

I turned to look at Mary pointedly.

'You. Come on, fess up. Remus? Since when? Plus, you were more of a whore because you slept with him.'

Mary grinned.

'He was just _so good!_ For someone whom we all thought to be gay… he sure was an animal in the bedroom.'

'Animal?' Lily repeated doubtfully.

Mary nodded seriously.

'He ravaged me. I loved it.'

I cleared my throat.

'Yes, but you just broke up with John St Claire. Are you sure you haven't moved on too quickly?'

Mary shook her head.

'I've had a taste for Remus's sexual powers and there's no going back. Anyway, John always had issues in the sack. He'd always finish early- selfish bastard.'

I raised an eyebrow.

'And Remus?'

It was as though Mary had been waiting for the question, as her response came gushing out—

'AMAZING! He went on for _hours and hours_ and, when we weren't directly shagging, he was doing the most _brilliant _things with his tongue. I swear, I don't think _I _even properly knew where my clitoris was until…'

Lily's eyes were popping out of her head, so I thought it would probably be wise to spare the poor child's ears and censor Mary at that point.

'Okay, so he's good in bed,' I interrupted. 'You could have just said that. We didn't need details.'

Mary shrugged, looking happy and glorious in her sexified state (a state which I am very far from, fucking Daniel).

'But Mary,' Lily said timidly. 'You and Remus have never really fancied each other or given any sign of wanting to go round with each other. Are you sure… are you sure that sleeping with him was a wise idea?'

Mary shrugged nonchalantly.

'Anything that made me feel _that _good has to be a good thing,' she said sagely (I wanted to throttle her. Why doesn't Daniel make me feel _that _good? Why? Why? Why?)

'And we were drunk,' she added. 'So I guess we weren't really thinking straight anyway… but we've had a talk and he wants us to go on a date this weekend, so I guess we'll just take it from there.'

Lily smiled, satisfied. I felt miserable.

'Wow, so we all managed to get boyfriends on Tuesday,' Lily said, blushing. 'Oh, except for you, Anna. But what happened with you and Sirius? You ended up in his bed.'

I shook my head morosely.

'He just took me to the bathroom because I needed to vomit. I passed out on his bed and he slept downstairs. Anyway, Sirius and I don't fancy each other like that.' (Liar! I _would_ fancy him, if I didn't fancy Daniel much, much more).

Lily fell silent, but then shrugged.

'Oh well. I'm sure you'll find someone soon.'

Mary and I exchanged a look, and looked away.

I hate that Daniel's my teacher. I hate that he hasn't said that he's my boyfriend. I'm surrounded by smug couples, when I've been in a 'relationship' with Daniel longer than any of them and yet we're still not a couple.

Fucking wonderful.

Going to have a spa in the Prefect's bathroom and sulk.

.

8. 20pm- Might steal a bottle of Mary's champagne. She doesn't need it now that she's getting regular and amazing sex. Bitch.

* * *

**February 5**

Weight: 9st 8lbs (why hasn't it lowered? Only ate 1000 calories yesterday. Humph)

Height: 5 ft 5 (better, but still not good enough)

Calories: 500 (crash dieting for Sunday.) NTS: Calories doesn't include alcohol

Lustful thoughts about Daniel: All day

Hateful thoughts about Minnie: Too many to count

Virginity: Annoyingly present

Smug couples: 2

* * *

9 pm- Dying. If I thought life was going down the loo when parents announced split up and was admitted to Hospital Wing for misuse of weight loss potion, I had no idea what was to come.

Because nothing is worse than being surrounded by smug couples. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and the classes in between, have all been spent avoiding the sickly romantic displays of Remus and Mary (couple-named Remy), and Lily and James (couple-named Jamily. Contemplated calling them Lames, but think this is a bit mean).

Feel very isolated and think this is grossly unfair. Is it too much to ask that my friends continue to behave in a normal manner when they're not shagging (in Remy's case) or dry-humping (Jamily's) in private. Gahr.

To make matters worse, Minnie called me for a meeting today. At first, was horrified at the thought that she had perhaps found out about Daniel and I.

Was the next worst thing—

'We have been notified by your parents that they are splitting up,' she said, completely matter-of-fact.

'Yes,' I said dully.

'Professor Dumbledore would like you to have counselling sessions,' she said.

I felt excited, for a moment, at the prospect of 'alone time' with Dumbledore. Don't ask me why, but I've always had a thing for his beard… hmm.

'Ok-ay…' I said slowly. 'But I don't think I need…'

'Professor Dumbledore would like you to,' she interrupted, her tone implying I had no choice in the manner.

'Fine,' I said, crossing my arms. 'When do we start?'

Minnie cleared her throat and then looked up at me.

'I won't be counselling you,' she said, her lips twitching.

I raised an eyebrow.

'Right,' I said slowly. 'Who will, then? Professor Dumbledore?'

She snorted (bitch!).

'No, our school counsellor will.'

'I never knew we had a school counsellor,' I wondered.

Her lips twitched (I grew worried, because Minnie's lips twitching is the equivalent of a normal person rolling on the floor, cackling with laughter).

'He is a man of many talents, our school counsellor,' she continued. 'You otherwise know him as Professor Slughorn.'

Don't want to tell ANYTHING to the slug thug. I'm still cut that he never invited me to slug club (not that I'm remotely good at potions, I just don't like his elitist attitude towards students). Have no idea what Dumbledore was thinking the day he employed Sluggie as the school counsellor.

Maybe he was high? I could imagine Dumbledore as a 'free love' hippie… ahh that beard….

Going to get pissed. Nothing else to do seeing as both Remy and Jamily are snogging each other senseless.

.

9. 30pm- Wonder if Sirius and Peter are feeling the strains the new smug couples are putting on school life? Mmm must figure out how to look good naked before Sunday. And how to be an actual sex goddess.

.

10pm- Harumph. Remember when Mary and I used to go out on Friday nights? Now am stuck, alone, in my dorm. V sad. My only constant relationship is with this bottle of wine. I love it.

.

10.05pm- Unfortunately, wine can't deflower me. Fucking Daniel.

.

10.10pm- Wish was fucking Daniel. Can't wait for Sunday.

.

10.11pm- Hmph. Out of wine. Mary out of alcohol, Lily never had a stash to begin with. I have none left. Am sad, friendless child of broken family. No one loves me.

.

10.12pm- Maybe Sirius and Peter want to go out? Feel pathetic, spending Friday night couped up. Must prove to Remy and Jamily that am not dependent on them for a social life.

.

10.15pm- Gah. Peter sleeping. Who is in bed by 10pm on a Friday night? To make matters worse, Sirius has accepted offer to go out. V cold outside. Going to rug up.

.

10.16pm- Not sure if going out at this hour, with Sirius, is good idea. Actually, have feeling is v bad idea… am Daniel's!

.

10.17pm- If Daniel was a proper boyfriend (which, he made clear, he isn't) he would be taking me out tonight. But he's not. Fuckwit. Am going to go out with Sirius. Tata

* * *

**February 6**

Weight: 9st 7lbs

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 500 (crash dieting for Sunday)

Lustful thoughts about Sirius: TOO MANY! BACK TO ANTI-LUST POTION AFTER TOMORROW

Virginity: (Thankfully) present *Thankful as, if was lost, would mean lost it to Sirius

Smug couples: 2 (still annoying as ever)

Annoying mothers: 1

* * *

10am- Last night was… pleasant, but awkward. Would have preferred if Peter was there so as not to make it seem like a date. Getting there, we both discussed our displeasure at the emergence of Jamily and Remy (Sirius seemed impressed by my couple names).

We decided to go to Three Broomsticks and just get pissed. Was already well on the way as had finished a bottle of wine back in my dorms. Sirius bought us two beers and we went outside and drank them while continuing to chat about smug couples.

When we finished discussing couples, there was a bit of an awkward silence. During it, Sirius lit up a cigarette. I was surprised to see he smoked-

'You smoke?'

He nodded, and offered me one. Stupidly (I was curious!) I took one. He lit it for me.

'Have you ever smoked before?' he asked, looking at me suspiciously.

I shook my head.

'Well, just suck gently, then breathe in again so you can inhale the smoke.'

I did so and- let me tell you- NEVER AGAIN. Was fucking disgusting. Spluttered and coughed for the next ten minutes at least!

He laughed at me while continuing to smoke expertly.

'Don't start,' he said, taking my cigarette and butting it out. 'I wish I hadn't.'

'Why _did _you start?' I asked.

He shrugged and looked at the street.

'I… I went through a bit of a rough period last year,' he said, his voice hardening. 'I did a lot of stupid things I now regret.'

'Like?'

He glanced at me and smiled ruefully. (I couldn't help thinking he looked even more gorgeous in his sad state… I just wanted to hug him).

'It was the end of sixth year,' he said simply, butting out his cigarette and drinking his beer. 'I had planned for things to go a certain way…. But people let you down.'

He said nothing more on the matter.

'You know… the other day,' I said, slowly. 'When you kissed me?'

He looked up at me, and I instantly felt bad for bringing it up.

'I just… I've been thinking about it for a while,' I said uncomfortably. 'Don't get me wrong, I think you're great, but I'm kind of with someone at the moment. So you and I… I just…'

He waved a hand casually.

'S'ok,' he grinned (I was a little perturbed by how easily he took the news. Then again, he _is _the Sex God of Hogwarts). 'I'm sort of with someone myself.'

I felt a little stung at this.

'You are? Anyone I know?'

He shrugged.

'We've sort of talked of getting back together for a while now. I've been undecided for most of it, but I now think I'll give it another shot.'

'Helen Asteria?' I said. I wanted to shake him and tell him she wasn't worth it… but then remembered that she was _Helen Asteria_ and realised that she probably _was _worth it.

He nodded and finished the rest of his beer and lit up a fresh cigarette.

'What about you?' he said. 'Who's your bloke?'

I shook my head.

'You wouldn't know him. I'm not really sure what we are, but we're sort of seeing each other.'

Sirius surveyed me for a long while, before saying—

'Well I hope he treats you properly. You deserve it.'

I couldn't help smiling. Still can't, to be honest. Somehow, behind the rebellious rocker looks, cigarettes and hardcore firewhiskey drinking, I think he's just an adorably sweet boy. I don't understand why no one else who knows him agrees with me about this. Hmm

.

11am- Been thinking about Sirius and Helen instead of studying. Think his getting back with her may be a mistake. Of course, it's not my place to tell him.

.

11.10am- How on earth could someone cheat on Sirius Black? I am seriously struggling to comprehend _why_ she would do such a thing. Sure he would make an absolutely lovely boyfriend if he really liked/was serious about a girl (as he was with her). Feel certain he would do anything for her and would be perfectly loyal. Never wanted to think of her in this way, but am inclined to say that she was a bitch (for what she did to him).

.

11.20am- Gahh. Just remembered have horrific meeting with mother. Fuck.

.

11.30am- Malkin Couture. Malkin Couture. Anything for Malkin Couture. Must keep repeating this mantra so as to survive next few hours. Bleh bleh bleh

.

8pm- Wasted exercise. Mother bought me nothing because, according to her, I'm 'too fat' to look good in Malkin Couture. After five minutes in the store, she made us leave, saying that I should lose weight before investing in such lovely clothes.

Horrid woman! Horrid!

She then forced me to have lunch with her (she ordered for me- a garden salad!), and yakked on about how she's landed herself a job promoting jewellery and how, ever since splitting up from dad, she feels as though she's finally coming into her own and 'flourishing'.

Horrid woman. Going to bed right now to forget.

.

9pm- Gahh! Just remembered what tomorrow is! Can't sleep. Must beautify self.

.

9.30pm- Argh! Argh! Have wax clumps stuck to back of leg. Need help… where's Mary? Going to check boys' dorms. Don't care if she's in the middle of shagging. Remus can ravish her _after_ she's sorted my wax problem.

.

10pm- Hmph. Sirius was only person in dorm (Peter was sleeping). Don't know how, but he extracted from me wax clump story and all but pissed himself, laughing at my expense. He then said he'd fix it for me and, somehow, did.

But then went on to comment that, as a girl, I should know about these things. Fuckwit.

.

11pm- Am undecided about what to do with crotch area. Obviously, don't want to be a hairy maclary, but thought of being completely hairless is mildly disturbing. Will seem pre-pubescent… and sleeping with someone with a completely hairless crotch may have paedophilic connotations. Perhaps?

Think will trim first, and then wax if is still ugly.

.

11.20pm- Argh! It's unevenly trimmed. Looks like the coat of a stray dog. Like the 'tramp' in the Lady and the Tramp… hang on, my virginal vagina looks like a tramp? Feel like this is an opposing idea.

.

11.30m- Awww fuck waxing down there hurts REALLY BAD. To make worse, have another wax clump stuck. Too embarrassed to ask for Sirius' help again. Will wait for Mary or Lily.

.

12am- Hmph. No one home yet. Maybe can just ask him for the spell he used…

.

12.30am- I swear, that boy is impossible. I went there, innocently asking for the spell he used on my leg. He, the prat, said that he'd just do it for me and to just show him the part with the wax-

I went bright red, and mumbled.

'I can't do that.'

'What?'

'I. Can't,' I said through gritted teeth.

He frowned.

'I don't understand.'

I tugged at my hair. The wax clump was starting to get painful, but there was no way I was telling Sirius Black that I had wax stuck to my crotch.

'Forget it,' I said, blinking away tears of pain.

He scratched his head.

'I'll just do what I did with your leg. I don't under…'

Suddenly, his eyes widened, and he let out a faint-

'_Oh_.'

I crossed my arms haughtily.

'Exactly,' I snapped. 'Now tell me what you did.'

'Maybe you should go in the bathroom and I talk you through it,' he suggested. 'From the other side of the door, that is,' he added hastily.

I nodded, desperate to get rid of the wax clump.

'Right, so position your wand in directly in front of… _it_,' he said.

This wasn't very easy to do on myself.

'Does it have to be exactly in front?' I called.

'Yes.'

I thought it looked good enough.

'Right. Next?'

'And say this- _waxus obliterato_!'

I took a deep breath and recited the incantation. There was a second where nothing happened, and then I suddenly screamed as the wax clump spread so that the entire area was now covered in painful wax.

'Anna, are you alright?' Sirius called. He sounded half concerned, half amused.

'It's spread,' I cried. 'Fuck!'

'I'm coming in.'

'No!' I screamed, pushing against the door. 'You can't!'

'Does it hurt?'

'Fuck yes.'

'Then I'd better do this. I'll be quick, and no one need know.'

I whimpered.

'No… you can't. It's not right,' I cried.

'Anna,' he said practically. 'It's nothing I haven't seen before. We used to play naked in the paddling pool, remember?'

Defeated- and in too much pain- I moved away from the door and tried covering myself up as he came in. For an awkward moment, we looked at each other.

'Right,' he said, his voice shaking nervously, 'Expose the area.'

I hesitated, before shaking my head.

'No!' I cried. 'I can't do this. It's too weird. I have classes with you… we're…'

'Anna,' he interrupted. 'It's either me, or you live with it.'

I screwed my eyes tightly shut and exposed the area. I heard him take a sharp intake of breath.

'Just fucking hurry up already,' I said through gritted teeth.

I heard him shifting, and then mutter the incantations. Suddenly, the pain was gone and I quickly opened my eyes and saw that the wax was gone. Sirius had turned around and I quickly zipped up my jeans and sighed in relief.

'Thanks,' I muttered. 'And sorry you had to see that.'

He shrugged. 'It was just skin, really. I didn't see anything that resembled…. You know.'

I thought about this comment and decided he was probably right.

'Well sorry anyway… but thanks.'

It was a bit awkward leaving, but I got away eventually.

Am starting to think that Sirius may be my only friend these days, with the perpetual absence of smug couples.

.

1am- Time for beauty sleep. Must be fresh for big day tomorrow!

.

1.05am- Just had an exciting thought- By this time, tomorrow, I will no longer be a virgin. Hurrah!

* * *

**February 7**

Weight: 9st 6lbs (somewhat improving. Promising)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 0 (must lose all I can for tonight)

Nervous thoughts about tonight: zillions

* * *

6pm- Oh Merlin am SO nervous about tonight. Have spent all day reading sex tips and practicing blow jobs on bananas.

.

6.30pm- Just had horrific thought. What if am crap in bed? Oh sweet Circe, all dreams of becoming irresistible sex goddess are very quickly dissipating.

.

7pm- Right. Have found my nicest bra and knickers, and am wearing my sexy, low cut black dress with velvet kitten heels. If am crap in bed, hopefully will at least _look_ somewhat sexy.

.

7.15pm- Hmm wish had spell that made me look skinnier.

.

7.20pm- Harumph. Sirius just saw me and started questioning where am going… he's definitely suspicious. Especially after last night's embarrassment.

.

7.25pm- Right. Am off. Arrrgh so nervous!

* * *

**So it's the big night? How will it all pan out?**

If Slughorn asks me the phrase 'And how does that make you _feel?_' ONE MORE TIME I'm going to find a way to squash him like a big fat slug under my trainers.

AND

Peter Pettigrew is the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. Must snog and shag him senseless.

**Leave a review and you'll (soon) find out!**

**Miss A Jones**

**p.s. If you have Twitter, follow me! My username is anyavioletta**


	5. Chapter 5: February 8 to 14

**Febraury 8**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 4lb (shagging proves to be effective method of weight loss

Height: 5 ft 5 (must really try harder to grow)

Calories: 2000 (Shagging is exhausting!)

Drinks: 3 (not bad)

Virginity: Not present (hurrah!)

Hours spent replaying last night: 10 (approx)

Hours spent cursing mother's name: 3 (v good given circumstances)

* * *

9pm-

This morning, when I woke up, I was acutely aware of my throbbing hangover headache. As I rubbed my forehead, I felt rather sore down there and opened my eyes to see Daniel, sleeping next to me.

It wasn't a dream! It was real! I am a sex goddess! Finally!

I shall return to the details of last night after I recount what happened next. I prefer finishing with good news. It's more optimistic and I, unlike Sirius, am a 'goblet half full' kind of girl.

As well as a sex goddess (hahaha love writing that!) I am a sex goddess! I am a sex goddess! I am a sex goddess….

Could write it over and over-

Anna Jones, Sex Goddess

Anna Jones, Wanton Sex Goddess

Anna Jones, Every Man's Wildest Fantasy

Ahm. Mustn't get carried away. At one point today, I was considering getting business cards reading:

.

Anna Jones, Sex Goddess

By appointment only

.

But then I decided that made me sound like a whore. Anyway, while Daniel making an appointment to see me may be kinky once or twice, I fear it may take the spontaneity out of our sex life should it become a regular occurrence. I want him to take me in broom cupboards, on his desk, in the hallway…

Anyway, back to this morning. Now, I have had my fair share of disgraceful moments. In fact, one could say I've had enough disgraceful moments in my short seventeen years to cover a good dozen peoples' lifetimes.

But nothing compares to the shame I experienced this morning.

I returned to my dormitory as soon as I'd woken up to find my copy of today's Daily Prophet on the end of my bed.

There, on the front page, was Julio Fabio, renowned latino crooner and lothario.

Next to him, fully snogging him like some horny teenager, was my mother.

MY MOTHER. On the front page of the Daily Prophet. Snogging Julio Fabio.

I need a drink.

.

9.30pm- Excellent. Wine makes this world a better place.

Anyway. I've tried contacting dad, but he hasn't responded to any of my letters. I'm really worried about him.

And totally ashamed of mother. All day, I've been getting looks or comments from people, asking me if it was my mother on the front sodding page of the DP.

Really wanted to just run to Daniel's room and hide under his covers and have him shag me to forget.

Will recount the shagging details to try distracting myself from mother's disgrace-

We went out to dinner in a quiet but very romantic restaurant. I just remember Daniel pouring out glass after glass of wine (I was very thirsty….). Eventually, we left and set to snogging furiously. I couldn't help myself. I told him then and there that I wanted to shag him and that I couldn't wait any longer.

He took me to his room and- it's all very hazy in my memory- we resumed the snogging, losing our clothes in the process.

I remember worrying about my body. I was so sure that he'd be repulsed as soon as he saw me naked, but he wasn't! The way he kissed me all over- it still sends shudders through me….

I know it was painful when he first entered me, but then it wasn't so bad. In fact, it was really good when we tried the second time, though I don't think I orgasmed. If I did, I don't remember it.

Haven't seen Daniel since I left him this morning. Don't know what to do. Should I go see him? Should I wait for him to send me a letter/speak to me?

In a way, mother's disgrace is a blessing in that it's distracted me from worrying about the whole Daniel thing.

Singing off for tonight—

Anna Jones, Divine Sex Goddess.

* * *

**February 10**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 4lb

Height: 5 ft 5 (will I never be tall?)

Calories: 3000 (I blame Slughorn)

Drinks: 10 (blame Slughorn- most questionable counsellor in history)

Virginity: Not present (yay!)

Hours spent replaying shag night: 3 (improving)

Hours spent hating mother: 4 (getting worse)

Hours spent trying to block Slughorn shagging mother from memory: All day.

* * *

Oh Merlin. Today was so frustrating. I had my counselling session with Slughorn today.

It was so disastrous that I can remember it perfectly-

When I arrived, he was perched on his fat arse in the most ridiculous pink armchair I'd ever seen. He was shamelessly eating iced pineapple as he motioned for me to sit on an equally vile lime green pouf.

'Now, my dear,' he said, speaking with his mouth full of iced pineapple, 'I hear you've been having a bit of a hard time.'

It was a strange thing for him to tell me, because I had never felt better in my sex goddess glory. Yes, my mother was a huge setback, but that didn't diminish my sex godessness, so as far as I was concerned, _I _was fine.

It's my mother who needs intense therapy. And not with Slughorn. She'd probably shag him on his vile pink armchair. Eugh...

'I'm okay,' I shrugged. 'I mean, my parents can infuriate me, but I'm not upset or anything.'

He emptied the bag of iced pineapple directly in his mouth and tossed the packet to the side. He proceeded to lean forward, looking at me so seriously that I had to try my hardest to keep a straight face.

'Your parents,' he said. 'Tell me about them.'

I looked at him incredulously.

'Basically, my mum's a sex goddess and has decided to explore this as a job career, forgetting about my poor father who is not only an excellent parent, but loving husband.'

I said it, expecting some kind of shocked reaction from Slughorn. Instead, he frowned and asked-

'Who is your mother?'

'Pamela Jones,' I muttered.

Recognition lit up his sluggish features.

'Oh, Pam! We went to school together,' he said, smiling.

I felt horror gripping me.

'Yes, yes,' he muttered, staring off into the distance, 'Pamela… very beautiful she was…'

He closed his eyes, a disturbing smile of bliss stretching across his lips.

I cleared my throat, not wanting to hear about what he did and didn't do with my mother while she was slutting herself in her school days.

'Yes,' he said, opening his eyes, 'I can understand why you'd consider your mother to be a goddess of that variety.'

'Professor!' I gasped.

He looked at me plainly.

'Do you perhaps resent your mother's beauty and ability to seduce men?' he said seriously.

I had never been so mortified in my life. I _really_ needed a drink.

'No!' I exclaimed haughtily.

'Hm. Interesting,' he said, looking down to his clipboard. 'Resents mother's sexual prowess,' he muttered as he wrote.

'Hey! I don't…'

'What is your relationship with your father?' he interrupted.

'Good,' I said truthfully. 'Dad's great. He's always been there for me and never does anything annoying or embarrassing.'

'Has Elektra complex,' Slughorn muttered.

'I do _not!_' I snapped, getting annoyed.

'When did your mother leave your father?' Slughorn interrupted.

'End of the month,' I muttered.'

Slughorn nodded.

'And how did that make you feel?' he said, in a falsely syrupy voice.

I raised my eyebrows.

'Crap. My parents had just told me they were splitting up!'

He nodded.

'And what's the worst part of it?'

'Having to live alone with my mother at some point?' I suggested. 'No, scrap that. The worst part is definitely her unashamed whorishness. Surely you saw the front cover of yesterday's Daily Prophet! It's disgusting!'

Slughorn sighed, and poured himself a glass of wine. I eyed the bottle, feeling an intense urge coming over me to grab it, and pour its contents down my gullet.

Somehow, with amazing poise and grace, I managed to restrain myself.

'My dear,' he said condescendingly, 'Humans are sexual beings. You cannot expect your mother to repress her sexuality simply because you are too immature to understand what it is to be sexual.'

By this stage, I was so horrified and in so much shock, that I couldn't even speak. I wasn't sure what was worse- the fact that Slughorn was telling me that I wasn't sexually mature and that he (it was implied) had sexual needs, or the fact that he was very obviously fantasising about shagging my own mother.'

He smiled smugly at my silence.

'Some food for thought,' he said to me, sipping his wine. 'You'll understand one day.'

I clenched my fists.

Thankfully, Slughorn is a very lazy man-

'I think that'll do,' he said, seeing that a mere ten minutes had passed. 'Come again this time next week.'

I can't go again. I really can't. I swear, if Slughorn asks me the phrase 'And how does that make you _feel?_' ONE MORE TIME I'm going to find a way to squash him like a big fat slug under my trainers.

And if he mentions my mother, sex, or sex and my mother… ugh. Too disgusting to think about.

Don't know how I'm going to get any sleep tonight. And, if I do, I'm terrified that I'll have nightmares of Slughorn slithering on top of my mother.

It's enough to put one off sex for good.

* * *

**February 11**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 6lb (Stupid Slughorn)

Height: 5 ft 5 (will I never be tall?)

Calories: 1000 (Good)

Drinks: 1 (Good)

Total shags in lifetime: 2 (improving)

Hours spent hating mother: 5 (getting worse)

Hours spent trying to block Slughorn counselling session from memory: All day

* * *

2pm- Already, today is _sooo _much better than yesterday. Started off the day with Divination. Daniel looked more heavenly than ever. I couldn't focus at all in class. Just kept having lovely shag flashbacks.

Then, as we were all going to leave, he motioned for me to stay behind. I dropped my books.

Unfortunately, it wasn't quite as simple as that.

'Here,' Sirius said, bending down and handing me my book. As always, I felt guilty for appreciating the beauty of that boy's physique.

'Thanks,' I said, blushing.

I glanced at Daniel who shot me an inquisitive look, and then decided it was too difficult to stay back now that I was speaking to Sirius.

I noticed Sirius' lips were twitching and then realised it was the first time I'd seen him since the horrific waxing incident.

'Can we please just forget that waxing incident?' I muttered.

He burst out into laughter, confirming that he was indeed replaying the event in his mind.

'Ah,' he said wiping his eyes, 'Jones, you may be many things, but no one makes me laugh as much as you do.'

I crossed my arms.

'Well, if you excuse me,' I said primly, 'I'd rather not be a laughing stock this morning.'

I turned on my heel to make a run for the DADA room, but Sirius held me back.

'Hey, I didn't mean it like that,' he said earnestly. 'I was just teasing you. I like that you're so funny. Most girls are too proper or bitchy- but you're not.'

I stared at him, perplexed by his sudden declaration.

He blushed.

'With you, what you see is what you get. It's refreshing.'

I shifted uncomfortably.

'Um… thanks?'

We stood in an awkward silence. Eventually, I cleared my throat.

'I've got a meeting to get to, so I guess I'll see you later?'

He smiled.

'Yeah. See you, Jones.'

I couldn't help smiling at hearing him say my name.

Anyway. While I always like my Sirius moments, my time with Daniel was amazing. As soon as I returned to the classroom, we started snogging furiously and, before I knew it, I was shagging my teacher on his desk.

I'm such a slut. I blame mother- like mother, like daughter.

Anyway. It was nice, but I'm still pretty sure I didn't have an orgasm.

As I was dressing, he asked for me to return again that evening.

Twice in one day? I think it's love!

.

4pm- In typical fashion, my mother has managed to ruin my day.

She sent me a letter today that went like so—

_Darling,_

_I expect you saw my picture in the Daily Prophet the other day. It's excessively annoying, being a celebrity. There are papparazzi at every corner, waiting to catch that winning snap of Pamela Jones._

_So I'm just writing to let you know that I won't be able to meet you for tea in Hogsmeade until the attention dies down- though, at this rate, it seems to be building!_

_I'll be in touch over the next few weeks. In the meantime, suggest you read this book: 'Diet the Wright Way'. It'll take care of your thighs._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Pamela Jones._

_._

I'm so furious at this letter for so many different reasons. Firstly, she's behaving as though she's some celebrity.

Hello, mother! You're a glorified tart. Nothing more! Grrr

Secondly, sending me a diet book? I was only in hospital for excessive dieting a few weeks ago. That woman has no tact

Lastly, she signs of as 'Pamela Jones.'

Should I start calling her Pamela? I'd prefer that to 'Mother', actually. That way, people may not realise that I am her spawn.

How on earth are we related? I'll never know. Gah.

…

10pm-

Lily just corned us in our dormitory and, brandishing a rather large banana at us, demanded that we accompany her to Sirius' surprise birthday party.

'When is this party?' I said.

'Sunday,' she said nontellingly.

'Valentine's Day,' Mary prompted. 'I know, Remus asked me to come too.'

'So you've both been officially invited,' I said, feeling a little depressed. I thought it was rather unfair that both Mary and Lily had been properly invited and I hadn't, especially seeing as I knew Sirius better than Mary and Lily combined.

'Don't be ridiculous,' Lily said. 'James told me to invite you. The Marauders are throwing Sirius a surprise party.'

'But it's on Valentine's Day,' I said.

'Yes. So?' Lily said, evidently not getting my drift.

'I may have a date then,' I reasoned.

Lily raised an eyebrow.

'Have you been asked? Properly?'

'No,' I grumbled. 'But I'm sure I will be.'

Lily rolled her eyes.

'Wishful thinking. We know you don't have a boyfriend. If you decide to find a Valentine between now and then, schedule a date during the day and keep your evening free.'

Mary shot me a knowing look. I still haven't told her about shagging Daniel. I know she'll be very unimpressed.

'Fine,' I grumbled, not wanting to argue. 'I still don't see why…'

'Of course you should be there for Sirius' birthday,' Lily interrupted, becoming her usual Authoritarian Bitch self. 'He likes you.'

'What!' I exclaimed, turning bright red. 'He doesn't!'

Lily rolled her eyes.

'Of course he does. You two are always speaking and he told James that he thinks you're funny.'

'That doesn't mean anything,' I growled. 'Anyway, he himself told me that he's getting back together with Helen. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it looks like he doesn't want me after all.'

Lily gasped and sat on the edge of my bed.

'He is?' she said curiously. 'How do you know?'

'He told me,' I muttered.

'He _told you_?' Lily gasped. 'When?'

'When we went off to Hogsmeade when…'

I trailed off.

'Look,' I said crossly, 'I'll turn up to his party, but stop implying that there's anything going on between us, because he'll think that I've been saying things, when I haven't. It's all in your head.'

'When did you two go to Hogsmeade?' Mary said, looking hurt.

I sighed.

'You two were both out on dates, and I was lonely. I went up to the Boys' dorm to see if Peter and Sirius wanted to do something. Peter was asleep, but Sirius was awake and suggested we go to Hogsmeade for a drink- which is what we did.'

Both Lily and Mary stared at me with eyes as wide as saucers.

'What did you two _talk_ about?' Lily said in wonder.

'Just… things in general. It was very relaxed,' I stammered. 'Look, please stop reading into this Sirius thing, because it's absolutely not true. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to sleep.'

* * *

**February 12**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 5lb

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 1500

Drinks: 0 (excellent)

Total shags in lifetime: 2 (good)

Guilty re: Mary: Huge

* * *

5pm- I feel terrible. Mary's been cold to me all day and I know why. It's because I never told her about the Sirius thing. But is it really my fault? She's been off with Remus every spare second she gets, so I don't know when she expected me to find the chance to tell her!

.

9pm- Hmph, I still think Remus is gay. He just gave us a briefing on Sirius's party. He wanted us to set up a spare classroom and have a fancy three-course menu with a croquembouche as Sirius's cake.

He also wanted to a cream- not white- tablecloth, with matching napkins, gold cutlery, and cream and gold croquery.

Just as he was explaining his vision of champagne glasses rimmed with gold to match his cream and gold vision, James thankfully set a silencing charm on him.

We then all voted that we go to Hogsmeade and go clubbing instead. Poor Remus, he looked so depressed that I couldn't help feeling sorry for him. He evidently had put a lot of effort into his idea of what Sirius' party should have been like.

'Maybe we can have dinner before we go out,' I suggested.

Remus looked as though he was about to kiss me. Unfortunately, this made Mary look at me like she wanted to lynch me.

'But it's gay,' James grumbled. 'Sirius wouldn't like it.'

'Why not,' I reasoned. 'Why wouldn't he like to have dinner with his friends? The fact that Remus has gone to so much detail to plan out the colour scheme should be touching.'

'More like retch-inducing,' Peter muttered.

I looked to Lily, who nodded in agreement with me.

'I think it'll be nice,' she said. 'Birthdays should be a little more private anyway. I'm sure his birthday has always been forgotten amongst the Valentine's Day celebrations. This way, it'll be a celebration solely for his birthday.'

Mary nodded stiffly.

'Fine,' James shrugged. 'But if he starts calling me gay, you have to take the blame.'

.

After the meeting, I pulled Mary aside.

'You're angry at me,' I said.

'No,' she said, avoiding my eyes.

'Look, you've been busy with Remus. I haven't had the chance to speak to you at all, let alone tell you about what I've been up to.'

Mary pursed her lips and then sighed.

'I suppose you're right.'

I smiled, glad that I still had my best friend.

'Are you doing anything tomorrow? Maybe we can go for coffee in Hogsmeade,' I suggested.

She smiled sheepishly.

'I sort of promised Remus…'

I nodded.

'That's fine,' I said quickly. 'I'm sure we'll have other chances to catch up. Anyway, I need to go visit Daniel so…'

'What's going on with you two?' Mary interrupted sharply.

I shrugged.

'Not much,' I lied. 'I'll speak to you later.'

.

I didn't need to speak to Daniel, but I did anyway. We didn't do anything really, but he did ask me out to Dinner on Valentine's Day.

To make worse, he can't do lunch instead.

I don't know what I'm going to do now. I feel like I'd be letting everyone down if I didn't go to Sirius's dinner- or party afterwards, depending on how things go with Daniel that evening- but it _is _Valentine's Day, and I've always dreamt of having a romantic Valentine's Day.

Maybe I can make an excuse for dinner….

* * *

**February 13**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 4lb (Improving)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 500 (preparing for Valentine's Day)

Drinks: Tea (angelic)

Hours spent torn over choosing between Sirius' birthday/Valentine's with Daniel: 10

* * *

I've spent all of today being torn.

I started the day by meeting my dad for dinner. He was an absolute wreck- unshaven, unironed clothes. He looked so much thinner and his eyes were bloodshot.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I should try to visit him at home if I can every few weekends, just to help him out. I don't think he's eating properly and he's obviously very lonely.

I can't help hating mother even more for doing this to him. He was a man who, despite her foolishness and sillyness, adored her. He truly loved her.

What's worse, is that I always thought she loved him.

Does love last so transiently? Can it really die so quickly? I seem to see all these people who have been burnt by love, and it makes me not want to have any part of it.

The problem is, I think I sort of love Daniel. I'm still unsure of him, obviously, because we're so different and we're not strictly allowed to be together…

But I can't help it. Whenever I'm with him, I feel the most terrible and amazing thrills in my chest that I wouldn't exchange it for anything in the world.

But what about Daniel? Does he love me? Can love last?

After breakfast with dad, I wandered around Hogsmeade aimlessly. Everyone else was on dates. I decided to walk through the gardens. As I reached the garden entrance, I saw _her_.

I never thought it was possible for Helen Asteria to look _even better_ than she did when we were at school. But she did.

I think it was the lack of uniform. She was dressed in a low-cut, figure hugging black dress that highlighted her in all the right ways.

If I could ever have a girl crush on anyone, I think it'd be her. No matter how much I want to dislike her for what she did to Sirius, I can't help but being enthralled by her as well.

Forget Grace Kelly. I want to be Helen Asteria. Without the cheating ways, of course.

I watched as every single man she walked past turned to look at her. But then I saw something which made me dislike her again-

She had this smile, each time a man looked at her. The type of smile one gives when they _know _they're hot, and are going to use it to manipulate everyone else to get what they want.

I realised she was probably meeting Sirius. Depressed, I continued on my way to the park.

Even though I love Daniel- or nearly love him, at least- it's times like those when I wish I had a normal boyfriend. One who's my age and I don't have to see in secret.

* * *

**February 14**

**

* * *

**

Love is blind. Love doesn't have a scale. No weighing today, on this day of love.

.

8am- Such a glorious day! Even though it's cold as hell (is Hell cold? I thought it was hot?), it is, without a doubt, an absolutely _gorgeous _day.

Daniel sent a card with lovely roses and a box of chocolates. He signed as 'your secret admirer', but I know that's only because he would be in a lot of trouble if anyone found he had sent a card to a student.

Am going to eat a few of these chocolates. They look divine!

.

8.10am- Omigosh! Peter Pettigrew is the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. Must snog and shag him senseless!

.

6pm- Ughhh. What a horrid day. It turns out Daniel is a fuckwit and didn't send any of those Valentine's gifts, but the Marauders thought it would be hilarious to send them to me as a joke.

The love potion only just wore off. Thank Merlin I only ate two chocolates, because I'd be after Peter for the next _week_ if I had eaten the whole box.

According to Lily, this is what happened-

I ate the chocolates, and immediately started declaring my love for Peter. Mary cleverly tossed the rest out the window and tried to restrain me, but I was too determined and got away.

Apparently I tore for the boys' dorms where they were all still sleeping, and climbed into Peter's bed. By which point, he woke up with a squeal, and it took James, Sirius, Remus, Lily AND Mary to pull me away from the petrified Peter, and handcuff me to my own bed.

Apparently, they never realised the love potion would be so strong. Am v. angry with them, but angrier at Daniel for not sending me anything.

But maybe he's going to give me a special gift tonight?

Have decided I'm not going to go to Sirius' party after all. Can use the golden excuse of their stupid prank, which is excellent because it means I can go have the most romantic evening of my life with Daniel.

.

6.10pm- He had better fucking have a present for me. I can't take it. Both Lily and Mary keep waving around their bracelets and earrings in my face. Smug couples.

.

6.20pm- Hmph. Sirius just apologised to me. I was very short and told him that it wasn't funny.

I can't forgive anyone until tomorrow. Feel bad for being angry at him on his birthday.

.

6.30pm- Feel really quite bad now. He was really nice about apologising- saying he didn't realise it would be so strong and that it was very irresponsible of them and that it got way too out of hand.

Come to think of it, it was really very mature of him. And very uncharacteristic of him. I've never heard of Sirius apologising for his pranks.

.

7pm- I don't care. I'm off to meet Daniel! Oooh so excited!

.

7.20pm- I want to cry. I just received an owl- after waiting at the restaurant for ten minutes- saying that he couldn't make it and sorry.

Fucking bastard.

Now what do I do? Do I go to Sirius' dinner? They're already half an hour into it?

Just want to curl in a corner with a bottle of champagne and cry.

.

6am (Feb 15)

Last night was one of the most frustrating nights of my life. Somehow, I wish it never ended.

I ended up dragging myself to Sirius's party. I felt on the verge of bursting into tears as everyone cheered when I walked into the room.

I had felt so unloved, waiting alone in the restaurant, that their happiness to see me was overwhelming. Sirius stood up and I noticed I had been set a place next to him.

I sat down and was informed by Remus that they were on the Main Course.

'Sorry for being late,' I mumbled to Sirius.

He glanced at me.

'Sorry for the prank,' he said earnestly.

I shrugged

'It's fine. I'll probably find it hilarious tomorrow.'

He observed me.

'You okay?'

I shrugged, and then forced a smile.

'Happy Birthday,' I said.

'Happy Valentine's Day,' he responded.

My lips quivered at this.

'What happened?' he frowned. 'Something's…'

I stood up suddenly.

'I… I feel sick,' I lied. 'Love potion…'

I ran out of the room, but didn't go to the bathrooms. I just couldn't be in there and pretend to be my normal happy self. It was too much.

I sat by the window, grateful for the fresh air.

'So what happened?'

I turned suddenly to see Sirius.

'What are you doing…'

He shrugged.

'I just told them I was going to check on you. I said I felt responsible, given that I was one of the ones responsible for feeding you love potion.'

I smiled weakly.

'Bad date?' he said knowingly.

I chewed my lip.

'No date,' I muttered.

'Ouch.'

I hit him on the arm, but couldn't help smiling.

'I don't need you to make me feel pathetic about it,' I said haughtily.

He sat next to me on the bench and crossed his legs.

'Forget about him, he's not worth it,' he said.

'You don't know him,' I mumbled.

'I don't need to know him. Anyone who does that sort of thing to you isn't worth it. '

'You don't understand,' I mumbled.

He sighed.

'Well, being stood up isn't nice.'

I shrugged.

'Forget it. Anyway, it's your birthday,' I said. 'We should be celebrating.'

'Yes,' he grinned. 'We should be. So, what do you say? Ready to join Remus's Mardi Gras of a dinner party?'

.

We went back and, somehow, I felt so much better. I was still upset about Daniel, but just having talked about it made it easier to get on with the evening.

I suppose the fact that my champagne glass was in constant need of a refill helped in forgetting as well.

.

After dinner, we all traipsed down the secret passageway to Hogsmeade and queued up for Witchy Business. It didn't take long for us to get in.

By this stage, we were quite a rowdy bunch, having consumed numerous bottles of champagne throughout dinner.

As soon as we reached the dance floor, I pulled Peter to me and said that it was time we tested our love on the dance floor. It was pretty funny. I've never seen a more awkward dancer in my life.

Thankfully, the others came and joined us on the dancefloor so I could leave Peter and get another drink.

From the bar, I saw Sirius in hallway, and decided to go see what he was doing.

When I reached the Hallway, though, I saw that he wasn't alone.

_She_ was there, and they were arguing.

'You decided to have a birthday party and didn't even invite me!' she shouted.

'I've already told you,' he shouted back, 'I didn't plan it!'

'Your friends hate me,' she retorted.

Sirius crossed his arms defiantly.

'No, they used to love you. Until you cheated on me.'

Her shoulders slumped.

'Are we really back to this?' she said angrily. 'I thought we had agreed to move on.'

'We had,' he said coolly. 'But I never promised that my friends would forgive you.'

She tugged at her hair. I was surprised to see this side of her. She looked genuinely upset and I couldn't help feeling a little sorry for her.

It must be hard to try making anything work after a mistake like that. Especially if the other party is still blaming you.

'Sirius,' she said sadly. 'I… I can't keep doing this if you're going to keep blaming me for that mistake.'

He looked the other way, and she went up to him.

'It was a mistake!' she said desperately. 'He was a mistake. The whole thing… it was stupid. _I _was stupid.'

Sirius said nothing, but I could see him clenching his fists behind his back.

Suddenly, she took a step back.

'I can't apologise forever,' she said, the anger returning to her voice. 'If you don't want us to be together, say so right now.'

I held my breath as I watched. Sirius said nothing and Helen's eyes widened.

'Well, I… I don't blame you,' she said finally.

She bowed her head and kissed him on the cheek.

'Happy birthday, _mon cheri,' _she said quietly.

She slowly walked away. I saw him watching her indecisively.

She had barely taken two steps before he ran up to her and pulled her to him and snogged her with more passion than I'd ever seen two people snog.

I turned away, feeling winded. I had nothing close to that sort of relationship with Daniel.

I suddenly felt so depressed because it really highlighted just how far from having an actual relationship I was.

Suddenly, I heard a slap, and turned around to see Sirius holding his cheek.

'That's it!,' she shouted, tears streaking her cheeks. 'It's over. I can't do this.'

She stormed out of the club and, this time, Sirius made no move to go after her.

He closed his eyes, and then sighed and walked back into the club. I went up to him.

'Are you alright?' I said, noticing that his cheek was quite red. 'Your cheek…'

'I'm fine,' he snapped. 'I just need to be alone.'

Hurt, I stared after him as he walked over to the bar and ordered a drink.

Suddenly, the entire day was too much for me to handle. I ran out of the club and kept running until I came to a field. Out of breath, I lay in the middle of the field and, finally, allowed myself to cry.

.

I must have fallen asleep- or at least dozed off- because I remember being shaken awake by Sirius.

'Hey,' he said, sitting next to me. 'It's really not very safe for a girl to just fall asleep in a deserted field in the middle of the night, you know.'

I looked up at him blearily. It took me a few moments to remember that I was upset at him for snapping at me.

'Sorry for before,' he said quietly, picking at the grass. 'I shouldn't have taken it out on you.'

'How did you find me?' I wondered.

He grinned.

'I have my ways. One of the perks of being a Marauder.'

I said nothing and he lay back next to me.

'You still love her, don't you? I saw how you looked at her.'

'You saw?' he frowned.

I nodded, staring up at the sky.

'She's unlike anyone I've ever met,' he said quietly. 'And yes, I do love her… but I'm starting to see that we're toxic to each other. We can't be happy together. Not in the long-term, anyway. Not anymore. I can't forget.'

'It's a pity,' I sighed.

He looked at me.

'You think so?' he said, curiously.

'Yeah,' I said truthfully. 'I've never seen two people so perfectly matched. I don't think I even realised it until I saw you two arguing. You're just… you look right.'

He was silent for a while.

'I know what you mean,' he said. 'Which is why I was prepared to try giving her another chance. We're very similar in character, temperment and…'

'Looks,' I added.

He laughed.

'Really?' he said, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

I hit him.

'Yes, and you know it,' I muttered.

'Well, in a lot of ways we're equals,' he continued. 'In theory, we should be perfect together. But we're both too volatile when together. When it's good, it's the best.'

He sighed.

'But when it's bad, it's a train wreck.'

He took out a pack of cigarettes and went to light one, but then tossed it aside.

'I'm meant to quit for my birthday,' he muttered.

'So,' he said, turning to look at me. 'This man of yours- who is he?'

'I can't say,' I said, blushing. 'And I don't want to think about him anymore tonight.'

'Fair enough. I think we should forget them both. They're both bad for us. Who knows, maybe they're suited to each other?'

I laughed hollowly. I was pretty sure that Helen Asteria was better suited to Daniel than I ever could be.

'Probably,' I sighed. 'Where are the others?'

'Lily and James are dry humping in a private booth. It was disgusting. Mary and Remus are probably actually shagging. They went off a while ago- they probably went to the Shrieking Shack.'

'And Peter?'

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

'Oh Peter? Do you fancy Peter, Anna?'

'Don't be silly,' I said quickly. 'I'm just concerned for his…'

'Saftey?' Sirius offered. 'I would be too, except I know for a fact that he's safely curled up in bed.'

I laughed.

'He really isn't a night owl, is he?' I said.

Sirius shook his head.

'No. Definitely not. Which is quite boring- especially now that James and Remus have birds.'

I nodded.

'I know the feeling. And so we're here- together- by default?'

'Well of course,' Sirius said lightly. 'I'm certainly not here by _choice_.'

I shot him a dirty look but his grin was so infectious I couldn't help laughing.

'You know, Jones,' he said, 'It _is _my birthday.'

I raised an eyebrow.

'And?'

'And it's also Valentine's Day,' he added.

'Right,' I said slowly.

'Have you been snogged today?'

I shook my head.

'No, but you have,' I said knowingly.

'I wish I hadn't,' he said sourly. 'Anyway. I think it'd be a great pity if Valentine's Day went by without your receiving a snog.'

I sat up and looked down at him.

'That's true,' I said slowly. 'Whom do you have in mind?'

Sirius stroked his chin, in mock contemplation.

'Well, I think we're both pretty drunk at the moment, so I wouldn't suggest walking too far to find him.'

'Agreed,' I grinned.

'And he should be quite handsome,' he continued. 'You know, I think with that criterion alone, we've narrowed it down to one person.'

'Oh?'

He nodded.

'And it's not bad at all, because he's right here.'

I bit my lip as he sat up to be on my level. Then, he pulled me to him and I couldn't help leaning forward to meet his lips.

For a few seconds, I felt like I was in heaven. It was definitely the best snog I had ever had.

And, even though it was wrong for so many different reasons, it was the first snog that I'd ever had that felt _right_. It wasn't sleazy like those I'd had in clubs, or have that feeling of being wrong, as it always did with Daniel.

It wasn't even lustful.

It was just… right. I don't know how else to describe it.

I pulled away and smiled.

'Happy Birthday. Or Valentine's Day,' I said, lying back down on the grass.

'You too, Jones,' he said, yawning.

I felt sleep overcoming me at that point and couldn't see myself getting up the energy to move.

'Do you think we can just sleep here? I'm too tired,' I mumbled.

'Yeah, why not,' Sirius said, yawning again. 'Night, Jones.'

'Night, Black.'

And with that, we both fell asleep. I woke up at 5am, freezing cold and nauseous. I woke Sirius up (he's definitely not a morning person. I think he was grumpy at me for waking him), and we slowly made our way back to school.

Now that I've recorded everything so I wont forget, I'm going back to sleep.

I also think I might skiv DADA which is first thing this morning. Yeah, I think I will. Fucking Daniel.

* * *

**A/N: Did you miss me? It's been ages since my last update. I tried making up for it by providing you with a super long chapter!**

**Next chapter-**

'_My hair is green. GREEN!'_

**Now, you know the drill. Press that little button and write me a little (or big) review, and I'll do my best to send you the next chapter asap!**

**Miss A. Jones**


	6. Chapter 6: Feb 15 to 28

**February 16**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 6 lb (Why? Whyyyyyy?)

Height: 5 ft 5 (must really try harder to grow)

Calories: 2500 (Depressed)

Drinks: 5 (v. good given circumstances)

Flowers from boyfriend: 1

Hours spent staring at hair: Approx 5 (intermittently throughout the day)

Use of the word 'fuck': Approx 1,000,000

* * *

9am- Despite the fact that I still haven't spoken to Daniel (and he has made no effort to speak to me I might add), today is still going to be a wonderful day. You see, at breakfast, Lily announced that Professor Meleta is sick and hence we have the first two periods off!

Am going to go for a walk. It's about time I started exercising again. Especially seeing as it is highly unlikely I'm going to be meeting my exercise quota through shagging anymore.

.

9.30am- Still haven't gone walking. Got distracted by the new edition of Witch Weekly that arrived just as I put my trainers on. It was a special hair edition. Now I want to dye my hair blonde. Am sick of this mousy brown colour.

.

9.35- Right. Going to kill two birds with one stone by walking to Hogsmeade to buy the dye. Think will be able to dye hair by Transfiguration which is after lunch. Oooh so excited! Am going to have brilliant hair like Marilyn Monroe.

.

9.40- Hm. Is blonde the right colour for me? Helen Asteria has dark brown hair. Perhaps, given my flair for immaturity, I should opt for a more 'mature' colour?

.

9.45am- Am ashamed to be wondering this but… maybe Sirius prefers brunettes?

.

9.45am- Just asked Remus's opinion. He thinks that I should go lighter. Especially given that winter is nearly over. V. clever boy though am afraid to say I still suspect he is gay. Don't know how to break the news to Mary.

Right. Off to Hogsmeade!

.

10.30am- Just returned with bottle of blonde dye. So excited! Going to go dye it…

.

10.35am- Hm. Have never dyed hair before. Wonder if any talents are required?

.

12 noon- I don't know what to do. Have washed my hair what seems like a hundred times and it's still green.

My hair. Is fucking. Green

Okay. Okay. Must remain calm. Will do Yoga 'Salute to the Sun' and hope that inner zen (is zen linked with Yoga? All seems the same) will give me inspiration to know what I should do next.

.

12.05pm- Right. Am very calm now. Inner poise, and zen. Maybe I should become vegetarian and say that green hair is part of my new outlook on life.

Then again, maybe not. I look like a tree. A FUCKING TREE!

.

12.10am- Still green.

My hair is Green. GREEN!

Argh! What am I going to do? Just remembered that there was green dye right next to the blonde dyes. Some idiot must have put a bottle of the green in the blonde section. What the fuck. Who even DYES their hair green! It should be in the back of the store where only those emo kids will find it. Grrrr

Maybe I can sue the store?

.

12.15pm- Just checked the bottle and saw that the colour is 'Emerald Green'. WHY didn't I check the bottle BEFORE I dyed my hair? WHY?

.

12.20pm- Maybe it's not that bad?

.

12.25pm- It really is that bad. Mary AND Lily both screamed when they saw me. Lily is looking up spells to change it back. Bless her.

.

12.30pm- Grr. Mary just went and told the boys under the pretence of 'asking them if they knew of any reversal charms'. Yeah right. Potterhead said he could try transfiguring it blonde.

.

12.45pm- Harumph. Never speaking to those boys again. Just went to their dorm and they fell off their beds with laughter. Even bloody Remus. Remus, who I partly blame for this because he encouraged me to go lighter. Sodding bastard.

Sirius, the git, was worst. He said that I should be with slimy Snape. I tried hexing him, but it ended up backfiring on me. Now I have an ugly welt on my arm as well.

Just my bloody luck.

.

1pm- Right. Am going to go to Transfiguration now, but will not take off my hat. That way, no one will see my revolting hair.

MUST FIND A WAY TO FIX IT BEFORE DINNER

.

4pm- Fucking bitch. Fucking bitch. Fucking snooty COW!

I hate McGonagall. I really do. As soon as everyone was seated, she came right up to my seat at the back of the class and demanded that I remove my hat.  
In a moment of panic, I told her I had glued it to my hair with a permanent sticking charm and couldn't. The bitch reached out and pulled the hat right off my head.

The entire class started laughing at me, and now everyone is making kissing noises at me each time Snape walks past me.

I hate my life.

To make matters worse, McGonagall gave me detention for violating the school rules by dyeing my hair green. Bitch.

.

6pm- Well, there's been a slight improvement to today. I just received the most gorgeous bouquet of roses from Daniel. He apologised for missing yesterday, saying that he was called out on an emergency top-secret mission, and that he would make it up to me tonight if I would be so kind as to forgive him.

BUT I CAN'T SEE DANIEL WITH GREEN HAIR! WHAT DO I DO?

.

6.10pm- Maybe I'll just go, and he can fix it for me. Come to think of it, Minnie could have fixed it for me. Bitch. She probably wants to give me more detentions.

.

11pm- Lovely evening. Am glad to report that my hair is, once again, light brown. Will be more careful next time I dye my hair.

Daniel was lovely. He smiled, but didn't laugh. All he did was flick his wand, and my hair was back to normal. Then we had a wonderful snog session that made me feel really guilty for my snog with Sirius, yesterday.

Should I tell him? It was more a friendly kiss, though- not the cheating sort of kiss. Yeah, I think I'll keep silent on it. After all, no good can come from it.

I wish Daniel could meet my dad. I know dad would like him. In a way, I want him to meet mother so she can finally shut up about my lack of boyfriend.

Speaking of that devil, have another horrific Slughorn soon. Must brace myself. Right, going to do some more yoga and then bed.

* * *

**February 17**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 5 lb (Slight improvement)

Height: 5 ft 5 (All this yoga is sure to help me grow taller)

Calories: 0 (angelic)

Drinks: 0 (zen outlook forbids alcohol)

Yoga: 1 hour (excellent)

Walk: 1 hour

Study: 3 hours (angelic)

* * *

10pm- I have big news. Today has been a pivotal point for me. I think the fact that Daniel wasn't at school (some mission thing, again) helped me reach this epiphany because it allowed me to have a very clear perspective on life:

I am now vegetarian

I am obsessed with yoga

I am considering becoming Buddhist

I am never drinking again

I am never clubbing again

I think this is an excellent approach to life. I've achieved so much today! For the past few days, I've been following the yoga instructions in an old Witch Weekly magazine. This morning, I woke up and walked to Hogsmeade to buy a proper book on Yoga. But then I went a little crazy and went on to buy the following: 'Finding your Inner Zen'

'Buddhism for Dummies'

'Music for Meditation' and

'The Complete Vegetarian Diet.'

.

I really should become vegan, but I think that'll be pushing me a bit _too _much. It's one thing to take away my steak, bangers, lamb, chicken…. (I LOVE THEM ALL!), but another to take the milk out of my tea. I am British. I cannot drink tea without the milk going in first. On this point I stand firm.

For the next two days I need to kickstart my new diet with a complete detox. That means no food for the next two days- only water. I did very well today. I'm starting to think I've been underestimating myself…

I am not the weak-willed floozy everyone thinks I am. No, I am a strong-willed and disciplined woman, passionate about saving the earth and animals.

Goodnight.

* * *

**February 18**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 4 lb (Better!)

Height: 5 ft 5 (Can't expect results straight away)

Calories: 0 (angelic)

Drinks: 0 (zen outlook forbids alcohol)

Yoga: 1 hour (excellent)

Walk: 1 hour

Study: 3 hours (angelic)

Hours spent counselling Slughorn: 2

Times cursed McGonagall's name: 200 (I am _such_ a good girl)

* * *

10pm- Woke up at the perfect hour of 6am (hard to sleep when hungry). Because no one was awake, I went for a long walk (and resisted the temptation to perve on quidditch training session). As a sort of 'warm-down', I did an hour of yoga.

By the time I finished, everyone was awake and going to breakfast (which I reluctantly missed). Nonetheless, the yoga gave me a very clear perspective on things and I felt completely at peace with my life and how it is unfolding (mantra from the yoga book I have been using).

I went to class for a bit, and then studied for three hours. Straight. It was actually really hard to concentrate because my stomach kept rumbling like a psychopath on heat. It was really quite bad and everyone kept staring at me in the library each time my stomach went off.

So I gave up and went and studied on my bed. This breaks the rules of feng shui and zen (must keep work separate from bed)… but I really had no other options as there were no spare classrooms available.

After lunch (which I did not eat) I reluctantly went to Slughorn's office. Here is roughly how it went:

'Ah, you.'

'Yes, me,' I said, trying to remain calm as I followed the fat Slug into his office.

The fat slug sat on his arm chair, propping his fat legs on a pouf, and motioned that I also do so. I sat down and he summoned a bag of pineapple crystals to him.

'So (gobble, gobble), I understand you're having troubles of some sort?' he said, his mouth full of pineapple.

I clenched my fists.

'Yes. We discussed it last week. Remember?' I seethed.

He stroked his chin, and then his sluggish eyes widened.

'Oh! You're _Pamela's_ daughter!'

'Yes. I am,' I said shortly, repeating my mantra again and again in my mind.

'How is she? I hear she's newly single,' he said, leaning forward, his greedy sluggy eyes boring into mine.

I took a deep breath, and thought of what Buddha would do. I smiled, as the answer came to me-

'She's actually a lesbian,' I said calmly. 'Hates all men. In fact, I think she amputated her last lover's penis. Not my father, of course, because she cheated on him with another.'

Slughorn's jaw dropped, and a few pieces of iced pineapple fell out, onto his lap. He didn't even notice.

'Yes,' I continued plainly. 'She's a full-blown lesbian now. Doesn't shave her legs or armpits, refuses to wear bras and dresses, has shaved her hair into a crew-cut… and I believe she's even growing out her moustache. Apparently she's a killer in the lesbian community.'

Slughorn gulped.

'Pam… Pam… she amputated….'

I stood up and patted the old slug on his shoulder.

'There, there. There are plenty of middle-aged floozies out there. Just because Pamela's switched teams, it doesn't mean there aren't others out there for you.'

Slughorn looked up at me hopefully.

'Really? You think so?'

I suddenly realised that _I _was now counselling my teacher. I don't know how I get myself into these situations. I really don't.

'Of course!' I said, settling back into my chair and crossing my arms in a therapist-like manner. 'You just need to find her.'

Slughorn sighed and summoned another bag of pineapple to him, tossing the empty pack over his shoulder.

'Now really, professor,' I said sternly. 'Are you sure you should be eating _another_ bag? You've already had an entire bag of pineapple and that's more calories there than you should be eating in two entire days!'

He hesitated and then nodded.

'You're right,' he said, looking at me with a determined expression. 'I shouldn't have another packet. It's just… I get so lonely sometimes. Food is my only companion.'

I crossed my arms and fixed him with a stern glare.

'Professor,' I said flatly.

'Please, call me Horace,' he said quickly.

'Right, Horace,' I said sternly. 'The reason you feel lonely, is because you don't go out. You can't expect to meet someone if you never venture out of your study!'

He sighed.

'But I ordered Vera through a mail-order service last year,' he piped up.

_Yuck._

'Vera?' I said, trying not to puke at the thought of Slughorn with a hooker.

'Russian bride mail-order,' he explained.

'Right,' I said weakly. 'And what happened with Vera?'

He sniffed.

'We had a beautiful night… and then she disappeared the next morning.'

I raised an eyebrow.

'Disappeared? How?'

He shrugged.

'I don't know. All I know is that all my money and clothes were gone.'

I shook my head disapprovingly.

'Now, Horace, did you honestly think a mail-order bride was the solution to your loneliness? You didn't even know her!'

Slughorn hung his head in shame.

'Look, you're quite well celebrated, aren't you?' I continued.

Slughorn shrugged wistfully.

'What's the point? No girl cares…'

'Every girl wants a smart man!' I exclaimed. '_Your_ problem is that you've let yourself go.'

'I have, haven't I?' he said morosely.

'Yes, you have,' I said bluntly. 'What _you _need to do is get _off_ your armchair and get walking. Cut out all iced pineapple and eat healthily. If you want a recommendation, I suggest you read 'Buddhism for Dummies.' It will completely change your life.

Slughorn quickly summoned a piece of parchment and scribbled it down.

'Buddhism for Dummies, was it?' he said.

I nodded seriously.

'Yes. Next week, I'd like for you to have read it all.'

'But I have final year papers to mark…'

'Pah!' I exclaimed. 'Are you going to use that excuse every week of your life? Horace, it's time to take control, and you have to do that NOW! Mark all the papers as 'Outstanding' if you can't find the time. But, right now, the most important thing is that you find your inner self again, and make peace with your body.'

I stood up and almost burst out laughing as I saw how his eyes were glazed over.

'Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go practise some meditation. Remember, I want you to have read the entire book by next week!'

Slughorn nodded eagerly and walked me to the door. As I went to leave, he grabbed my hand. I nearly jumped from fright.

'Thank you,' he said earnestly. '_Thank you_.'

.

On a spiritual high from having helped Sluggie out so much, I decided to continue my spree of being a caring and considerate person by asking for permission to see my father this weekend. Minnie, however, is nowhere near as easy to manipulate as Sluggie (that woman REALLY needs a shag. Am considering asking one of the Marauders to sacrifice themselves for this cause).

After I told her why I wanted to go home- including the slight fabrication that Slughorn had ordered me to see my father- Minnie stared at me with her cold and bitchy eyes.

'Very well,' she said primly.

I blinked, stunned that she was so easy to manipulate. I stood up and went to the door. As I reached it, she called out-

'Oh, and Miss Jones?'

'Yes?'

'It has come to my attention that your marks are abysmal. You would do well to spend less time lusting for Mr Black in the classroom, and more time concentrating on what your Professor is saying.'

I flushed, completely humiliated.

'I don't!...'

She looked down to her papers and, without looking at me, held up a hand and waved it, as though shooing me away.

.

The memory has set my teeth on edge. Yet again. I think I'll practise some meditation before getting an early night.

All in all, I think it's been quite a productive day. I've now managed to ensure that I achieve an 'Outstanding' in my Potions NEWT.

Take that, Minnie, you bitch.

* * *

**February 19**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 4 lb (Same, but am peace with this weight)

Height: 5 ft 5 (Can't expect results straight away)

Calories: 1500 (all vegetarian and healthy)

Drinks: 0 (v. good)

Yoga: 1 hour (excellent)

Time spent hugging trees: 1 hour

Study: 2 hours (good)

Interventions: 1

* * *

It wasn't too cold this morning, so I decided to do my Yoga outside. As I was freezing on my mat in the position of downward dog, my yoga session was cut short-

'Jones, what _are _you doing?'

I looked through my legs to see Sirius' face. Flushed, I fell flat on the mat and scampered so that I was standing up. I hadn't seen him- alone, that is- since his birthday.

'Just….'

'Are you trying to do _yoga_?' he smirked, pulling out a leaf from my tangled hair. 'In this cold?'

I crossed my arms.

'I'm getting in touch with nature,' I said primly.

He snorted and I glared at him.

'Sorry,' he laughed. 'But if you could only see and hear yourself, you'd understand why that's so funny.'

I waited for him to stop laughing.

'If you don't mind,' I snapped, 'I'd like to continue with my routine.'

He screwed up his nose- and I couldn't help registering that he really does have a very perfect nose.

'I wouldn't, if I were you,' he said in a low voice.

'Why?' I snapped.

'Because the Slytherin team's about to come on the pitch to train.'

My eyes widened in horror and- right enough- the Slytherin team started marching onto the pitch from the other side.

Being the clever boy that he is, Sirius snatched up my mat and took my hand, pulling me into the girl's change rooms.

'Won't they find us here?' I whispered.

He shook his head.

'Nope. No girls on the Slytherin team.'

I smiled in relief, but then glared at Sirius as I caught him glancing at my bottom.

'Excuse me!' I said trying to cover up my lycra-clad thighs.

Sirius smirked.

'If you don't want people to look, you shouldn't wear such clothes.'

I pursed my lips.

'It's not my fault that I was cursed with this body, okay?' I said heatedly. 'Anyway, I don't care for your opinion because my boyfriend loves it.'

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

'Boyfriend? Wow, Jones, you've found a new boy rather quickly. It seems like only yesterday you were crying about that one who broke your heart on Valentine's day.'

I scowled at Sirius.

'Not that this is any of your business, but he's the same person. It turns out he had an excellent reason for missing our date.'

Sirius nodded slowly.

'They always do,' he said quietly.

I stood up and walked to the opposite side of the change room, covering my ears.

'I don't want to hear what you have to say,' I said through gritted teeth.

Sirius was silent for a moment, and I dropped my hands by my side.

'I sort of have a confession myself,' he said, avoiding my eyes.

'Oh?'

'I'm back with Helen.'

I felt an unpleasant twinge in my gut and, suddenly, I remembered how heatedly they had been kissing that night… and then our own kiss.

And, for a feeling instant, I wished that he would kiss me the way he kissed Helen that night.

'You… are?' I said stiffly, trying to seem casual about it. 'That's… great.'

He nodded tensely, and we sat in silence for a while.

'Let's just blast a hole out the back,' he said eventually. 'I don't want to wait for Slytherin to finish their practise session. They're so terrible, they'll be here until late morning.'

.

I went back to my dorm feeling strangely empty. Even though I had meant what I said about Sirius and Helen being right for each other, it still felt a little bit wrong. He deserved someone like her, who had never cheated on him.

I tried to distract myself by studying for a bit, and then read some more of 'Buddhism for Dummies'. This reading was cut short by the arrival of the new Witch Weekly.

There was a very interesting article in the 'Spiritual' section that said that hugging trees is an excellent way of getting back in touch with nature.

It was lunch time by then, so I decided it was highly unlikely that anyone would find me.

I went to the Forbidden Forest and found a tree. It seemed a bit silly at first, but then I got over myself and just hugged the tree.

I must have stood there for half an hour, hugging that tree, because it was much darker when I was interrupted by a cough for the second time that day.

I turned around to see the Marauders and Lily and Mary staring at me like I was a raving lunatic.

'Um… Anna?'

I felt my heart beating in my chest and my mouth going dry.

'Yes?' I said, trying to avoid Sirius' eyes.

'What are you doing?' Mary said cautiously.

'I'm… hugging trees,' I said lamely.

The group exchanged a concerned look. Before I could register what was going on, they had surrounded me and were forcing me into the Whomping Willow.

.

'Anna, we're holding an intervention,' Lily said gravely.

The others nodded.

'Intervention!' I exclaimed. 'Why?'

'Because,' Sirius said, his lips twitching, 'We're worried about your sanity.'

'Don't get us wrong,' James added. 'It's great for a laugh.'

The Marauders nodded in agreement.

'It's just,' Peter said quietly, 'We're worried you're taking things too far.'

'I have every right to hug trees,' I snapped.

'But you see, Anna, it's not just the one isolated incident of hugging trees, is it?' Remus said patronisingly.

I stared at them, confused.

'This morning, with your Yoga on the quidditch pitch…'

'Your vegetarian diet,' Mary added.

'Hey! That's not weird,' I exclaimed.

Lily nodded.

'It is,' she said seriously. 'Your breath _stinks_ now!'

I recoiled in horror at the thought. It had never occurred to me that I may have developed halitosis over the past few days.

'Let's not forget your 'stretching' escapades,' Sirius added with a wink.

I threw up my arms.

'There is nothing wrong with adopting a Zen lifestyle,' I said.

'Oh come on, Anna,' Mary said practically. 'You're turning into a first-rate hippy. You've already started hugging trees. What's it to be next? Dreadlocks?'

I closed my mouth sheepishly. I actually had been considering getting some dreads…

'Oh MERLIN!' Mary exclaimed. 'You were thinking of getting drealocks!'

Everyone recoiled in horror and I stood up.

'They can look quite good if done properly!' I exclaimed.

'Is that why you dyed your hair green?' James said suspiciously.

Everyone's eyes widened in comprehension and all I could do was shake my head hopelessly.

'Anna,' Peter said very seriously. 'You need help. We didn't want to do this, we really didn't—'

'We hate him on principle,' James interrupted.

'Absolutely,' Sirius said darkly.

'But he'sthe _only_ ex-hippie at Hogwarts, and we feel you don't know what you're getting yourself into,' Remus said gravely.

I looked around the group, thinking they had all gone mad. And they think _I'm _the one thatneeds an intervention!

'Anna,' Mary said gravely. 'Believe me when we say that this was a last resort.'

I looked to Lily, hoping that she retained some vestiges of sanity which the others had evidently lost.

Unfortunately, she hadn't.

'Anna, we've brought the only person we know who can help you. Listen to what he has to say. He's your last hope before you start wearing peace signs, wear ridiculous flower-power clothes, smoke marijuana all day and night, start advocating for 'free love' by having mass orgies…'

'On second thoughts,' Sirius said suddenly, 'Maybe her hippie attitude isn't so bad after all….'

The boys exchanged looks, suddenly uncertain.

Lily cleared her throat, and her glare silenced them.

'Anna, meet the only person who can save you.'

She walked to the door and opened it. There, at the entrance, stood Severus Snape.

* * *

**February 20**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 7 lb (vegetarian diet proving to be ineffective for weight loss)

Height: 5 ft 5 (must be patient)

Calories: 2500 (Depressed)

Number of times washed hands: Lost count at 100

Letters from Daniel: 0 (woeful)

Annoying friends: 6

Happy fathers: 0

Depressed fathers: 1

* * *

Currently I'm on a train back home. Am v. excited to see dad again. Hope to impart my excellent and positive attitude on him during over our weekend together. Might even make him do yoga…

Right. So, picking up where I left off yesterday- I can safely say that I have six of the most idiotic friends one could have. Bringing in Snape? Honestly, _they're _the ones who need help, not me.

Anyway, so this is what I couldn't be bothered to write out last night—

Snape walked in, his hair as impossibly greasy as ever. He glared at Pottyhead and Sirius as he walked past them, sniffed affectedly at Remus, and ignored Peter. He then walked up to Lily and took her hand affectionately.

'I hope you appreciate this,' he murmured.

She smiled, and we all saw his blush. Pottyhead evidently didn't like it because he cleared his throat.

'Your patient is over _there_, Snivellus. I'm pretty sure you're not helping Anna by staring lovingly into my _girlfriend's _eyes.'

Snape scowled at James and then set his black eyes on me. I instantly recoiled.

'Right,' he snapped, sounding irritated. 'I hear you want to become a hippie.'

I opened my mouth in protest, but Snape held up a hand. He then turned to the Marauders.

'You must leave the room. That was the agreement.'

'Oh come on!' Sirius complained. 'This is gold! I can't miss out on this!'

'Out!' hissed Snape.

Begrudgingly, the four stooges left the room.

'How come they get to stay?' Sirius called as Mary closed the door on them.

Snape ignored Sirius, and went on to put an Imperturbable Charm on the door. I gulped.

'Right,' he said silkily, making himself comfortable on the armchair in front of me. 'You, a hippie? I don't think so!'

'I know!' I exclaimed. 'Because I don't _want _to be a hippie!'

'Lily, could you name me her symptoms?' Snape interrupted.

'She's dyed her hair green-'

'Accidentally!' I protested

'She hugs trees-'

'So anyone who follows Witch Weekly is now a hippie?'

'She's become vegetarian-'

'I care about animals! How is that a crime?'

'She practises yoga?'

'Good for the harmony of body and mind. You'd see this if you-'

'She's not showering as much-'

'Again, saving the planet by conserving water.'

'She's been wearing floral dresses lately-'

'Hey! I've had those for ages!'

'And,' Lily interrupted in a hushed whisper. 'She wants dreadlocks'

Snape took a deep breath and pinched his hooked nose in a very serious manner.

'Anna,' he said gravely, 'I'm afraid to inform you that you have all the attributes of a hippie… bar one.'

I raised an eyebrow.

'This is a question that I ask everyone, so don't get offended,' he said professionally. 'Have you smoked any marijuana recently?'

I crossed my arms haughtily.

'Last week,' I admitted. 'But that was before-'

Lily and Mary hugged each other for support and Snape shook his head dramatically.

'What is it, Sev?' Lily said, worried. 'Is she too far gone?'

He thought deeply for a moment, and then spoke-

'She has a very strong case of hippieness,' he said seriously. 'Much stronger than I imagined it to be, and it's manifesting itself at an alarming rate You say she started this behaviour at the beginning of the week?'

Mary and Lily nodded, their eyes wide with worry.

'Yes,' he said, stroking his pimply chin. 'It has certainly been spreading aggressively.'

'Please tell us you can do something!' Mary burst out. 'We can't lose her! She's my oldest friend!'

Snape was silent, and then nodded.

'Very well,' he said quietly. 'But I have to warn you that the side-effects may be permanent.'

'Is she going to lose her hair?' Mary whispered in a hushed tone, looking to me in fright.

'Don't be ridiculous, Mary,' Snape snapped. 'She's got a case of the hippies, not _cancer_.'

Mary bit her lip, and Snape turned to face me.

'Anna, I want you to listen to me,' he said, his black eyes boring into mine. 'If you do this- if you become a hippie- it will affect you for _the rest of your life_. You will never live it down. You will forever be known as the 'hippie girl.' Boys will shy away from you because they'll think you smell- which you do, I might add,' he added, screwing up his hooked nose.

I sat back, affronted.

'I do not!' I exclaimed haughtily.

'Oh Merlin!' Lily exclaimed dramatically. 'It's even _worse_ than we thought! She's in denial!'

Snape ignored Lily's outburst and continued-

'Do you see my hair?' he said, picking up a lank, greasy strand.

I nodded, grimacing at the sight.

'Do you know _why_ it's so greasy, Anna? Do you?'

I shook my head and began to seriously freak out. He wasn't going to touch me with it, was he?

It was worse.

'It's permanently greasy,' he said. 'Nothing can be done. Why? Because I used this 'all-natural' shampoo I bought from a magical head shop. I've been to the top hair salons in Paris, and even they can't do anything for it.'

'Surely you can shave it,' I said, rolling my eyes.

Snape raised an eyebrow.

'Oh, but even _that _doesn't work. You see, my body has taken on the _hippies_, even though I've moved on as a person. The ailment is permanent, and there is no cure.'

I crossed my arms, and started laughing.

'Okay, guys,' I said, making to get up. 'This has been a fabulously hilarious little skit, here, but I've had enough. Snape- great acting- but, seriously, I need to go to sleep. I've got to do an hour of yoga before leaving for my dad's tomorrow morning.'

Snape blocked my way, and I crossed my arms.

'Okay, enough's enough,' I said haughtily.

Snape shook his head and, before I knew what he was doing, he grabbed my hand and put it on his hair.

I can now say that I have a new 'most horrific experience of my life. You know things are bad when getting Sirius to wax your pubes seems _lovely_ in comparison to touching someone's hair.

I can safely say that touching Snape's grotesquely greasy hair was a zillion times worse than Sirius ripping the wax off my vagina.

I must have blacked out at that point, because when I came to, I was lying on a couch in the Common Room, with the six Gryffindor idiots staring down at me.

'She's fine,' Sirius said, going to leave.

'What did Snape do to her?' James wondered aloud.

'We promised we'd never tell,' Lily said loyally.

'On the plus side,' Mary said, 'I think her case of the _hippies_ has finally been cured.'

They looked to me as I stared at my hand as though it was the filthiest thing on the planet. It suddenly occurred to me that I would never be able to masturbate. Ever again.

Not with that hand, anyway.

'Who fancies a drink?' Sirius said, suddenly. 'I've got some firewhisky up in our dorm.'

The group murmured in agreement and left me, still stunned, alone in the common room as they proceeded to get drunk in the boys' dorms.

Bitches.

* * *

**February 22**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 8 lb (gaining weight at an alarming rate)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 3000 (feels like. Not entirely sure)

Number of times washed hands: 58 (improving)

Movies: 3 (bad. Must study- NEWTs are only around the corner!)

6pm (on train back to Hoggies)-

Argh. What a depressing weekend! Dad was far worse than I expected. I came home to find the house in a horrible shape. Dad had obviously done a botched job of cleaning it last minute. He has no proper food- just junk food and hundreds of empty bottles of wine all over the place.

He's resorted to wearing singlets around the house and has already forgotten to put the toilet seat down! (I found out the hard way)

Instead of imparting positive thoughts and energy, I'm afraid I just made it worse, because I allowed the both of us to eat ridiculous amounts of crisps, drink a disgusting amount of wine, and do nothing all weekend but fester on the couch.

This morning, I managed to see a little common sense and set to cleaning the house properly. At least the house will be clean for a short while now that I'm gone.

I feel really bad for dad. He needs help. Maybe I should send him to a counsellor?

Then again, if the counsellors of today are of Slughorn's standards, I'm not entirely sure that'll help. Especially not if the counsellor is drooling about my mother in front of my poor dad.

Now, on top of everything, I have to deal with a frightening pile of homework (let's not even think about _revision_ at this point), Daniel, my idiot friends… and my general crapness at life.

I wish I could go to sleep, and wake up a genius. Hate the Marauders for being so naturally smart. And love Peter for being normal, like me.

* * *

**February 23**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 7 lb (ARGH!)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 2000 (study procrastination)

Number of times washed hands: 30 (improving)

Shags: 0 (terrible)

Snogs: 1 (lovely)

Study: 10 mins (SHAMEFUL START TO STUDY PLAN!)

8am- Today is the day. No ifs or buts about it. TODAY, I am going to get started on my homework. NEWTs really are far too close for comfort, and I know nothing. I might not go brilliantly, but I don't want to fail. That'd be horrific.

Here is my study plan:

This week: Catch up on ALL assignments, do all this weeks' readings, and perfect 7 charms, 7 transfigurations and learn 5 potions by heart

Next week + : Continue readings and perfect 2 charms and transfiguration processes a day, revise a year of schooling every two weeks, and do DADA practical practise with Remus/Lily/Mary/anyone willing to help me.

.

Right. Off to breakfast now. Feel very scared of workload, but will feel better once have caught up. I'm sure.

.

10am- Oh MERLIN! I just got back a Transfiguration assignment. I got a Troll. Oh dear….

10.10am- It's now seeming very unlikely that I'll pass the year at all. Maybe better to defer this year and repeat the year next year?

10.20am- No. Must be firm. Going to get started on assignments now. I can do this. I CAN do this.

10.30am- 10 mins of study, and I already feel better! But have class in half an hour, and it's with Daniel, so am going to go put makeup on now.

.

11.30am- Lovely snog session with Daniel, post-class…. But no shagging as he had a meeting at 11.30. Am starting to wonder if I'm ever going to get shagged again.

11.35am- Maybe will practise self-shagging? Can't concentrate in this state

11.45am- Unsuccessful. Couldn't stop thinking of how unclean hand is post-Snape-hair-touching. Hate friends.

11.50am- Really, should study. Will go to lunch at 12, and then study properly after lunch.

1pm- Lunch over, but sun is out. Looking very pale. Think I might get a bit of sunlight first. PROMISE to start studying at 2pm

2pm- Witch Weekly just arrived. Will read that, and then study. Am giving myself half an hour.

2.30pm- Just read a fascinating article on an ancient ritual for love. Most people are at classes now, so think will go try it out now. Shouldn't be more than an hour. If I get back by 3.30pm, that gives me 3 hours uninterrupted study until dinner, and then 3 hours post dinner. Will ease self into study this week by starting with 6 hours /day. That's pretty good, right?

.

8pm- Oh my giddy Aunt. Worst afternoon ever. Well, not worse than Snape counselling session, but a close second.

Went to forbidden forest for love ritual and found a clearing. In the middle, I lit a fire. I then removed my kit and started copying the dance they outlined in the article, while chanting 'Love, Amore, Come to Me!'

After about ten minutes, I started getting really into it. I now see the appeal of dancing around a fire naked.

Until you get caught, that is.

As I was prancing around, I heard a rustle in the trees. I stopped, suddenly, to see a ghostly Peter Pettigrew staring at me, stunned as a mullet.

We both shrieked. He tore for the castle, and I threw on my kit and ran after him in a bid to silence him before he got to rat on me to the Marauders.

Unfortunately, Peter's in better shape than me, and by the time I arrived at the common room, the Marauders were all rolling on the floor, howling with laughter as Lily stalked up to me, highly unimpressed-

'Do we need another meeting with Severus?' she snapped.

I recoiled in shame.

'Look,' I protested. 'It was in the Witch Weekly!'

I held up the article and Lily narrowed her eyes and looked to the article, her lips becoming a thin line in her disapproval.

'Right,' she said softly, taking the magazine off me. 'I think I see what your true problem is.'

I raised my eyebrows, and Lily shook her head disapprovingly.

'You're not a hippy. We were mistaken.'

James suddenly sat up, from where he was laughing.

'She's not?' he said, wiping the tears from his eyes.

'No,' Lily said gravely. 'Her problem isn't the _hippies_. It's the _gullibles_!'

There was a stunned silence, and Lily stood up, pacing the length of the common room.

'Anna reads and believes absolutely every bit of rubbish printed in this magazine. What's worse is that she _does it_! She is so gullible, that she believes all the trash they write, and goes and hugs trees, or performs love rituals or becomes vegetarian and whatnot.'

She spun around and glared at me, the Authoritarian Bitch in her stronger than ever.

'Anna, we're going to cancel your subscription to Witch Weekly. I'm sorry, it's the only way we're going to spare you from continuing to do such ridiculous things.'

.

9pm- I don't want to give up Witch Weekly. It's my favourite magazine. They have no right to do this!

9.30pm- Have thought up an excellent plan. Will get Sluggie to get me Witch Weekly, in return for my counselling him. That way I can read it in our sessions and no one need ever know. Mwahaha feel so evil and clever now!

10pm- TERRIBLE day of study. Going to bed now. Will start fresh tomorrow. Perhaps Lily is right- if I spent less time doing the stupid things they suggest in Witch Weekly, maybe I'd be on top of my studies?

Fresh start tomorrow, as well as cancellation of my subscription. Until NEWTs are over, anyway.

* * *

**February 24**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 6 lb (improving)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 2000 (need to fuel up for study)

Meat: LOTS! (How did I ever go without it?)

Study: 3 hours (not enough, but an improvement)

Dates for weekend: 1 (Yay!)

10pm- Feel as though have improved somewhat. Managed to complete 2 assignments in my 3 hours of study. Was so knackered by the intensity of my study session, though, that I had to have a mid-day nap. Just woke up now, but am still really tired. Will go to sleep now, and wake up early to study a bit before class.

Oh, and broke vegetarianism today. Have decided that, while good in theory, my not eating meat is not going to save either the planet, nor the animals. I love it too much to go without and- especially now that I'm trying to study- I need the iron and protein to concentrate.

Also received a note from Daniel asking me out to dinner on Sat night. FINALLY! V. excited. Must study diligently for the rest of the week to earn the break on Sat night.

* * *

**February 27**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 8 lb

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 2500

Shags: 0 (terrible- becoming a matter of urgency now)

Study: 3 hours (must increase stamina!)

Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 3 (bad, bad, bad!)

* * *

8pm- It's Friday night, and everyone's gone out for a date while I'm stuck in the library, studying. Woe is me. Even the librarian's telling me to wrap it up because she's got a late night date.

.

11pm- Hmph. On my way out of the library, I saw Sirius, sitting in a corner, reading a book. I nearly died of shock. It seemed like the most unlikely sight in the world.

I went up to him—

'What are _you_ doing here?' I exclaimed

'Studying?' he said plainly.

'On a Friday night?' I exclaimed.

'Nothing else to do. Everyone's out,' he shrugged, snapping his book shut and yawning.

It suddenly occurred to me that Sirius was the only single one in the group. I couldn't help feeling a slight connection with him there.

'Yeah, they are,' I said, slumping into the chair next to him. 'But, seriously, you- studying?'

Sirius smiled incredulously at me.

'Why is that so strange?'

'Because you don't study!'

He snorted.

'Of course I do, Jones. There's no way anyone can miraculously know all the answers without having read about them first. No one's _that_ good.'

I suddenly felt so stupid.

'You actually study?' I repeated, dumbly.

He patted my shoulder.

'Sh! Don't tell! You'll ruin my cover.'

WHY WHY WHY DID I NEVER STUDY BEFORE NOW? I'M SO STUPID!

'Isn't it a bit extreme for you to study on a Friday night?'

'Weren't you studying?' he quipped.

'Yes,' I said, 'but I'm stupid. I _need_ to study.'

'Everyone _needs_ to study,' he said practically. 'And you're not stupid- though I suspect you may be a tad lazy when it comes to the books.'

I felt my cheeks burning in shame.

He shrugged.

'Oh well. You've got plenty of time. You're not bad in class, you know. To be honest, for the amount of study you do, you're actually quite good.'

'Really?' I said, suddenly feeling hopeful.

'Sure,' he said, getting up and putting his book away.

We walked out of the library.

'I just… It's not interesting- study.'

Sirius laughed.

'If it was, we'd all be genii! It's easy to be excellent at what you find interesting. The thing is, Jones, we all have to do it. We're here, at school, so we have to make the most of it. Otherwise, we'd be better off spending our days in some other way. As much as I love Hogwarts, I can think of quite a few other things I'd rather be doing when in class.'

I looked at him in wonder. I never picked Sirius Black to be the type to have an excellent attitude when it came to schooling.

'Wow… that's really… mature.'

He shrugged.

'Not really. It's just sensible. I mean, if you're going to study- sit down, do it for an hour or so- and then go do something else. Too many people faff about all day drawing the study process out. In the end, they only get an hour or two's worth of effective study. My philosophy is to do whatever I'm doing properly, while I'm doing it. Anyway, I don't have the patience to sit at a desk all day long.'

I really wish someone gave me that talk when I first started Hogwarts.

He smiled as he saw me staring at him in wonder.

'You're a genius!' I exclaimed.

'I like to think so,' he grinned, laughing. 'To be honest, I only really started doing all this kind of study this year.'

'Why?'

'Well, for one, we have NEWTs, and I really want to get into the Auror training program,' he said. 'I guess the other thing is that- ever since leaving home- I've really had to grow up and take responsibility for myself.'

I raised my eyebrows at this and he laughed.

'When it comes to important things, that is,' he added. 'When you're dependent only on yourself, you have to manage your time better. It wasn't easy, at first, but I'm getting there.'

I don't think I'd ever seen this side to Sirius- a mature and practical side to him. It made me love him even more.

We walked in silence for a while.

'Uh oh,' he grinned. 'Don't tell me I've shattered your golden image of me,' he said.

I shook my head seriously.

'No…. no, it's the opposite. I…'

I blushed.

'I really admire you. I think it's amazing that you can do so much and be so mature about everything.'

We came to a halt in the middle of the common room, and I saw Sirius shifting awkwardly. It _was_ awkward- I had just told him I thought he was amazing.

He looked at me, his grey eyes serious (I seriously wanted to jump on him then and there)-

'No one's ever said that to me,' he said quietly.

I rolled my eyes.

'Sure. Your strings of girlfriends never told you…'

'I meant, no one's ever said that to me, and really meant it,' he interrupted.

I bit my lip, feeling myself blushing.

'Oh,' I said awkwardly. 'Well… I do mean it. I think you should show this side of yourself more often. It's nicer than the arrogant front you put on.'

Sirius grinned and ran a hand through his hair.

'Ah, but then I'd be boring- like Moony. Nah, I prefer to keep the element of mystery there.'

I laughed, and we both fell silent and looked at each other awkwardly. Thankfully, Lily and James came into the common room at that point and we were saved from any more awkward silences.

Whoever ends up with Sirius Black, is going to be the luckiest girl on the planet. I really think he's an amazing person.

* * *

**February 28**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 7 lb

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: Not sure

Shags: 1 (FINALLY! Was amazing!)

Study: 3 hours (but all effective)

Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 10 (v. bas)

Lustful thoughts for Daniel: 3 (all pre-coital)

Pregnancy scares: 1

* * *

7pm- What a day! So exhausting already- and I haven't even gone on my date with Daniel yet. With all the excitement, I'm not sure I have the energy to go out tonight!

.

It all started this morning, when I walked in the bathroom to find Mary, retching like mad over the toilet. As soon as she saw me, she slumped against the wall and said—

'Anna, I'm pregnant.'

I nearly died from shock- but was also secretly excited at the thought of being a godmother. I think it'd be kind of cool to have a little baby in Gryffindor. He could be our team mascot…

Not to mention how amazingly sexy Remus would look holding a baby. Or Sirius…

No! Must stop thinking about Sirius. Had the most amazing dream last night, until I realised it was with Sirius… and then I woke up and felt guilty. It's just… it's been so long since I really had a chance to be alone with Daniel that it feels like we're not really together. Even though we are, obviously.

Anyway, back to Mary's pregnancy.

We decided that we should go to the apothecary and let them tell us if she was actually pregnant. The entire way to Hogsmeade, Mary was bawling her eyes out. She kept suggesting that we tell Remus, but I sagely told her that we should save the news until it was factual.

That made her cry even more. I- possibly not my best idea- then proceeded to tell her how lovely it'd be if she _were_ pregnant, because then we could all look after the baby like some huge dysfunctional family.

She hexed me. I was angry at the time, but now I can kind of understand why she did it.

We finally made it to the Apothecary where they did some weird blood test thing. What they did was prick Mary's finger, and let a drop of her blood fall into this clear swirling potion. Mary was quite hysterical at this stage. Until the apothecarian said-

'All clear- you're not pregnant!'

At which Mary jumped over the counter and fully snogged him. Unfortunately, Remus happened to walk in to the apothecary at that exact moment.

Long story short, Mary had to tell Remus the entire story, and then apologise profusely for getting carried away in her excitement at not being pregnant. I think they're going out tonight to 'make up' for it.

Personally, I think it's just an excuse to shag some more. Who knows, maybe she'll end up preggers tonight…

Right. I'm off. To be quite honest, I'm now looking forward to this date. It's nice to have Daniel, who has nothing to do with all the silly things I get up to during the day. Quite refreshing, really.

Tata.

* * *

**Do you love me? This update came SUPER quick! To be honest, it was a mixture of my really wanting to write the 'Hippie Severus' scene… and my procrastinating studying for an assessment. Anna's 'study procrastination' diary entry could very well be applied to my study life.**

**Love, Anya**

**p.s. Go check out my Author's Page. It's got the disclaimer for this story, and Banners! One by me, and one by the AMAZING Sarah :)**


	7. Chapter 7: March 1 to 14

**March 1**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 7 lb

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: Thousands (but okay as shagging was extremely strenuous)

Shags: 0 (but still sore from last night)

Study: 1 hour (too distracted by shag-flashbacks)

Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 0

Lustful thoughts for Daniel: Too many to count!

* * *

9pm- I've been a bundle of joy today. Daniel was lovely, last night. He said he had a lot of lost time with me to make up for and then… I still get shivers thinking of it! Now, if only I could have Daniel like that, every night I would be a very happy woman.

Lily and Mary were extremely suspicious of my high spirits. They thought I was reverting to _the hippies_ and smoking spliff again. Obviously I couldn't set them straight by telling them that it was because my DADA teacher is the most amazing shag _ever!_

9.10pm- Aeek! It's already 9.10pm! Where has the day gone? Must stop getting distracted by shag flashbacks and study! Where's Sirius for a pep talk when I need him?

9.15pm- Hmph. Sirius is out. According to James, he's with Helen. James seemed very unimpressed as he told me. Have a sneaking suspicion that Helen is very much disliked by the rest of the Marauders. I don't blame them. After all, she is a cheating tart.

9.20pm- But an irresistible sex goddess of a cheating tart… which is why she gets away with everything. Bitch.

9.30pm- Sod this. I'm going to bed. Will wake up right away at 5.30am and get three whole hours of study in before breakfast. V. determined.

* * *

**March 2**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 6 lb (improving)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 2500 (depressed)

Shags: 0

Humiliation: Magnificent.

Study: 2 hours (I am a ridiculous person)

Sleep: Approx 13 hours

* * *

10.05am- Oh my giddy aunt! What time is this? How the hell is it 10am? I was meant to wake up at 5.30! Not only did I sleep right through my alarm, but I've missed breakfast and… oh crap. I just missed out on DADA.

WHY AM I SO HOPELESS AT LIFE?

10.10am- And why did no one think to wake me? Am v annoyed with Lily and Mary.

10.20am- Esp Lily, as she has become a slack Authoritarian Bitch in her blind lust for Potterhead. Come to think of it, she's not an AB at all anymore. She's just nice.

10.22am- AND BECAUSE OF HER NICENESS, I MISSED OUT ON DANIEL TIME. Gah

.

5pm- Hmph. Was furious with Lily and Mary when they bounded into our dorm, all happy and chirpy from their Daniel-time.

'Why did no one wake me up?' I demanded.

Lily and Mary looked at each other, confused.

'We did. You said you were awake and would be at DADA soon. We couldn't understand why you never came!'

'Because,' I seethed, 'I wasn't awake! I was obviously still half-asleep when I said that!'

'Well that's not our fault, now, is it,' Lily said practically.

Mary nodded in agreement and it suddenly occurred to me that, ever since dating Remus, Mary had been closer to Lily than me.

Is there no justice in the world? Not only am I surrounded by smug couples, but my best friend has also deserted me.

So I stormed off and hid in the kitchens, devouring numerous mini cheesecakes (they're _sooo _good!), and feeling very sorry for myself.

Might go see Daniel and apologise for sleeping through his class.

5.10pm- Is it wise to inform him that I _slept_ through his class? Perhaps should make up an illness… but what illness?

5.20pm- Maybe I had a severe chill?

5.25pm- Or am dying of Tuberculosis?

5.30pm- Should probably steer clear of the infectious diseases, as might scare him away. What do I have?

5.35pm- Period pain is plausible, but also means that won't be able to shag him should the opportunity arise.

5.40pm- Sod this. I'm just going to tell him the truth. He'll understand, I'm sure.

.

8pm- Ughhhhh my boyfriend (I'm calling him that for convenience) thinks I'm an idiot-

'Anna, I know things are complicated with us- what with you being my student during school hours, and our seeing each other out of school...' he began.

I gulped, knowing this couldn't lead anywhere good.

'But I have to tell you, as your teacher, that you really ought to study a bit more. You know that your NEWTs are coming up very soon, don't you?'

I cringed.

'Yes,' I mumbled.

'Well missing class, and not studying out of class, isn't helping your chances of passing the subject… and I _want _you to pass. Not just because you're my student, but because I care about you.'

I looked up at him, feeling humiliated.

'My missing class today was an honest mistake,' I tried to reason. 'I didn't miss it on purpose- I can't help it that I slept through my alarm clock.'

Daniel went to say something, but then must have thought the better of it, and merely smiled and patted my shoulder.

'I understand,' he said soothingly. 'Now, why don't you run along and do a bit of study before the evening's over? I've got a stack of papers to mark, so I need to be alone,' he said apologetically.

I nodded and forced a weak smile before leaving the room.

8.30pm- So humiliated I can't concentrate. Never want to see Daniel, ever again.

8.40pm- Right. Must stop with this defeatist attitude. I can do this. I can.

* * *

**March 9**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 10 stone (Horrific! I blame study)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: Thousands (Need brain food)

Study: Lost count

* * *

2pm- Have disappeared over the past few days in my study frenzy. Haven't seen Daniel at all (he contacted me, but I said I was busy).

The problem is, the more I study, the more I realise just how little I know. It's v depressing.

Oh crap- almost forgot about Slughorn counselling session. Can't afford to miss my only chance of passing Potions!

.

7pm- Feel Horace is progressing rather nicely. He seems to have lost a bit of weight ever since swearing off the Iced Pineapple and even plucked up the courage to talk to a woman at the Hog's Head. Must find someone for him to go out with…

7.05pm- Just had an idea- what if he were to go out with Minnie? Would make atmosphere in Hogwarts instantly better if both he _and _Minnie were getting regular sex

7.10pm- Ugh, but he'd squash her!

7.15pm- I have a sneaking suspicion that Minnie finds Horace rather repulsive… Looks like that idea's out of the picture. Pity.

* * *

**March 12**

Weight: 10 stone (really must sort this out)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: Thousands (but okay as shagging was extremely strenuous)

Shags: 0 (but hopefully soon to change)

Study: Approx 4 hours

Compliments from Daniel: 1 (Was wonderful)

Self-esteem: Somewhat restored.

* * *

5pm- Brilliant day. In Charms, I corrected Lily on an answer and it turned out that I was right! Then, in DADA, Daniel complimented me on how brilliantly I vanquished my Boggart (this was partly due to the fact that I didn't want anyone to _see_ what form my Boggart takes…)

Am finally starting to see results from all my studying. Think will relax a bit tonight and spend some time with Mary and Lily. I'll force them off their respective Marauders, if I must. A girls' night has been long overdue and I need the stress relief!

11pm- Marykhelily Pimms yum banana bla

* * *

**March 14**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 10 stone 1lb (situation becoming rather alarming now)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: Too many (v. hard to stop eating now that I'm used to eating so much!)

Walk: 15 mins (Am v unfit)

Hangover: Huge  
Study: Zero (Blame hangover)

* * *

12 noon- Absolutely smashing night last night. Unfortunately, that means I have an absolutely smashing headache right now. It was a Pimm's and Vodka-fuelled evening, but I can't remember what actually happened. All I know is that, when I woke up, there were all these bananas, covered in strange plastic sheaths, strewn across the floor. I actually slipped on one on my way to the bathroom. Not my most graceful moment…

Anyway. Am off to find Mary. Lily is being her usual chipper self, getting on with the day and such. I, however, need the biggest fried breakfast I can get. Knowing Mary, she'll be feeling the same way.

.

12.10pm-

Yuck. Mary and Remus were snogging like wild animals. It was disgusting- it's like watching two lesbians. Remus is so effeminate that I'm now seriously starting to question Mary's sexuality…

What if she fancies _me_, but is still in denial and hence has settled for the most effeminate-query-gay man she can get? Sweet Circe, I hope not. Not after all those nights where we ended up drunkenly spooning in her bed, snogging as a Dare in 'Truth or Dare'…

Crap. We've snogged. Multiple times. Oh Merlin, my best friend's a lesbian and I never even realised it.

Must investigate this matter further. Be right back.

.

12.30pm- I asked Lily about it, and Lily laughed in my face. Now, I have often heard Sirius muttering that Lily is a lesbian… so maybe it's not _me _that Mary fancies, but Lily?

Would make sense seeing as they're always walking around with linked arms these days. I used to think it was because they're both Smug Couples, but am now starting to think they might be using their 'Smug Couple-ness' as an cover to get cosy with each other.

Going to ask the only person I can trust.

.

3pm- Always knew I could count on Sirius. He was sitting, alone in his dorm, reading a quidditch magazine. Merlin, that boy is _so attractive_. He is so damn fine, that I'm going to give myself leave to describe him a bit more (just so I can have something to lovely read should I ever run out of Mills & Boon novels):

He was lying back on his bed wearing nothing but a singlet (that highlighted his gorgeously sculpted muscles), and a pair of ripped jeans. I actually noticed some chest hair and- even though I rather like the look of a clean chest- I couldn't help feeling a little hot at the sight of it.

Now I know we're only 18, but that boy is really turning into a very fine young man. Oh, who am I kidding? 'Fine young man' doesn't even scratch the surface. He's the most glorious specimen to ever walk this earth.

After Daniel, of course. I think Daniel removes the hair from his chest. It's nice and hard and smooth, but am now finding myself wondering what it would be like if he didn't get rid of it. Hmmmm

Back to the point. Honestly, if I continue in this way, I'll have to go back on that Anti-Lust potion!

Right, so Sirius lying on his bed like the Adonis he is, casually flipping through a magazine when I walked in. He glanced up at me and grinned.

'Hey Jones. What brings you here? Got another waxing problem?' he said, tossing his magazine aside and winking cheekily.

I crossed my arms indignantly.

'No, I don't. And even if I did, what makes you think I'd come to _you_?'

Sirius pouted.

'Now, now, Jones. We both now that no one else in this school is capable of giving you the perfect landing strip I left you with.' (very true)

'Well I don't need to get waxed, thank you very much,' I said primly, going over and sitting on James's bed.

He turned on his side so that he was facing me.

'I won't deny I'm disappointed, Jones,' he grinned. 'Anyway, how can I help you?'

'It's Mary,' I said purposefully. 'And perhaps Lily.'

'Ah, my Marauder comrades' wenches. Yes, I know the girls you speak of.'

I cleared my throat disapprovingly.

'Sirius, behave.'

He laughed and sat up, running a hand through his gloriously silky black hair.

'Very well. What's concerning you about Lily and Mary?'

'Well, I… I think they may be lesbians,' I said tentatively.

What happened next was rather strange. Sirius blinked stupidly at first, and then started spluttering and choking. I became concerned when his lovely skin turned a not-so-lovely shade of beet.

'Sirius,' I ordered, clapping him on the back. 'Breathe.'

It took him a while to recover, but he came round eventually. Once he had caught his breath, he fixed me with a grave stare.

'Jones,' he said seriously, 'What you have told me is a very serious allegation. What evidence have you of Lily and Mary's… _lesbian tendencies_?'

I nodded slowly.

'Well,' I said, 'I just happened upon a snog session of Remus and Mary's, and couldn't help noticing just how painfully effeminate Remus is.'

Sirius sighed.

'Tis true. My comrade, Moony, is afflicted with the grave ailment.'

I ignored Sirius' theatrics.

'Anyway,' I continued. 'As I said, I walked in on them, and it was like watching… two girls kissing, These days, Mary and Lily are awfully close, always walking around with linked arms and whatnot. And you yourself have always called Lily a lesbian.'

Sirius stroked his chin in serious contemplation.

'You know, Anna,' he said softly, 'I think you may be onto something. I always wondered why the flowerchild took so many years to accept my man, Potter.'

I nodded emphatically.

'I know! He's so bloody fit, you'd think she'd accept him right on the spot!'

Sirius closed his eyes tightly shut for a moment.

'I'm going to ignore your comment on Prongs' level of fitness,' he said stiffly. 'And….'

'Oh, I wasn't referring to his level of fitness,' I interrupted. 'I was referring to the fact that he's bloody gorgeous!'

'Yes, thank you!' he said loudly. 'Again, Jones, you're stating irrelevant matters.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Don't worry, Sirius,' I grinned, pinching his cheek. 'You're still the fairest of them all.'

He seemed to like that. In any case, he looked pleased with himself.

'Well…. Thank-you,' he said, his lips twitching. 'Now, back to the problem at hand- I think Lily's main design in going out with Potter may have been…'

'A cover!' I gasped. 'She finally accepted him because she didn't want people to talk.'

Sirius nodded conspiratorially.

'Exactly! As Head Girl, she couldn't very well be the Flaming Lesbian of Hogwarts!'

'That was good,' I laughed. 'Flaming- like her hair.'

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

'Glad you found it amusing. I assure you it wasn't intended to be so clever.'

'Oh,' I said, my shoulders. 'Anyway, I think you're absolutely correct. This year, of all years, it was especially important to keep the lesbian rumours at bay.'

Sirius nodded.

'Now- Mary?'

I pursed my lips.

'I never considered her the lesbian type… but I just don't understand the Remus thing!' I sighed. 'I mean, I love Remus- like an older sister.'

Sirius burst out laughing.

'Oh Anna, it'd help him so much if he was actually gay… but he's not. Really, it's as simple as his the most effeminate man on the planet.'

I shook my head.

'No way. I've got a good gaydar and, let me assure you, it's doing backflips whenever I'm around Remus. He's gay,' I said with absolute certainty.

'Well, gay or not, the problem at stake here is that my two best friends are unknowingly going out with lesbians. We must set everyone straight!' he said, hopping off his bed and walking to the door.

I raised an eyebrow.

'Sirius, I know you fancy yourself quite the lady charmer, but I think Lily and Mary are so far gone that even you won't be able to set them straight.'

He rolled his eyes.

'That's not what I meant. Come on, let's go.'

'Are you serious?'

Sirius flipped his hair back in a way that sent my gaydar tingling. God of the Gays, take Remus, James, Peter…. Anyone! Just leave Sirius alone! PLEASE!

'Darling,' he whispered sexily, 'I'm _always _Sirius_._'

I think it's time to buy a new batch of anti-lust potion.

* * *

**I am so sorry for the long wait. I've had the craziest past 2 months. I'm sure if I bored you all with the full story, you'd forgive me... I hope!**

**Next chapter will be bustling!**

'Prongs, Moony, I have the unfortunate job of informing you that your girlfriends are lesbians.'- Sirius

'Am starting to think that Daniel knew Sirius before this year. Must investigate.'

**Please send a few reviews to my Inbox (just to let me know that you're still reading!)**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	8. Chapter 8: March 15 to 18

**March 15**

**

* * *

**

Weight: 9 stone 8 lb

Height 5ft 5

Calories: 1500 (not bad)

Near-confrontations with James and Sirius' penises (or is the plural penii?): 1

Lust to find out who had the biggest penis: Huge

* * *

I just realised that I never got to finish writing 'the confrontation' part of Lily/Mary's lesbian-ness. Something must have distracted me.

Anyway. So we marched downstairs to where the three other Marauders were playing a game of chess (Remus and James were playing, Peter was watching). I went to run away numerous times, but Sirius kept dragging me back.

We went up to the Marauders' table, and Sirius cleared his throat importantly. The three boys looked up at us.

'Prongs, Moony,' Sirius announced. 'I have the unfortunate job of informing you that your girlfriends are lesbians.'

I cast a terrified glance at Remus and James and saw that they were regarding Sirius with annoyed expressions.

'Somehow,' Remus said drily, 'You seemed overjoyed by this allegation.'

I looked to Sirius and saw that he was grinning so widely that he was running a very real risk of turning into the Cheshire Cat at any moment.

'Of course I am!' Sirius boomed unapologetically. 'It means I finally get my best friends back!'

James glowered at Sirius.

'Sirius, Lily isn't a lesbian.'

'Neither is Mary,' Remus quipped.

Sirius shook his head.

'No, mates, this is where it gets _really_ juicy- your girlfriends…. Are lesbians with _each other!_'

James and Remus rolled their eyes.

'It's true!' Sirius protested. 'Ask Anna!'

Remus crossed his arms.

'Anna,' he sighed,' I hope you're not behind this. Really, you're becoming ridiculous this year.'

'I mean, do you honestly expect us to believe you after your case of the Hippies?'

'And your green hair,' Peter added.

I blinked away hurt tears. It's one thing for me to think I'm ridiculous, but another for everyone else to constantly tell me that I am.

'I have to go,' I whispered, running out of the common room. As I ran out, I heard Sirius arguing with the other boys.

…

I found a little room and sulked for a while, feeling sorry for myself. To be honest, the more I sulked, the less justified my sulking seemed. After all, I am constantly being ridiculous.

Scrap those 'Sex Goddess' business cards. Here's the new, improved version:

.

Anna Jones

Professor of the Ridiculous

.

Anyway. After around ten minutes, the Marauders burst into the room. I really have no idea how they managed to find me in such a massive school.

'Anna,' Remus said, coming over to me and hugging me. 'I didn't mean it. We were joking!'

'Of course we were!' James laughed. 'If it wasn't for you, our lives would be dull.'

'Well, I wouldn't go as far as Prongs,' Sirius said, 'But you certainly make Hogwarts a happier place.'

'And hippier,' Peter added.

Everyone turned to look at Peter, and an awkward silence ensued.

'Anyway!' Remus said loudly, 'The point is, we were teasing you. Wasn't all this meant to be a joke.'

I blushed.

'Sort of,' I mumbled. 'Though I still thing Mary and Lily have lesbian tendencies.'

'You really think so?' James asked eagerly.

I raised an eyebrow, and he sat back in his chair, his eyes glazed over.

'That's so hot,' he muttered.

'Hot!' I exclaimed indignantly. 'What's so hot about lesbians?'

All the boys snorted and I turned on Sirius.

'Do _you_ find it hot?'

'Of course!' he said unapologetically. 'I don't know any man who doesn't.'

'But… they're with another girl!'

There was a sigh around the room and I sprung off my chair in disgust.

'You're sick!' The lot of you! Don't you get it? If a girl is a lesbian, that means she has no use for you lot! And your tiny wands!'

There were general protests across the room at this.

'My wand is _not_ tiny!' Sirius snapped.

'Neither!' James protested.

Sirius snorted.

'Oh come off it James, you're not exactly…'

James' face flushed.

'And where do _you _get off thinking that you're so big? Just because you shag anything that moves, that says nothing to do with size.'

'And, the fact that you've got such a high turnover rate must mean that the girls are left unsatisfied,' I added sagely.

Sirius and James stopped arguing and I bit my lip, wishing that I'd kept my gob shut.

'Excuse me?' Sirius whispered. I shivered.

'Sorry, sorry! I thought aloud- carry on!' I simpered. 'Just ignore…'

'Jones, I will have you know that I have left each and every girl more than satisfied.'

'I'm sure you have. Forget I said…'

'That's it. I'm going to have to shag you.'

Now you and I know that I had been dreaming of the moment Sirius would ask me to shag him ever since I first laid eyes on his gorgeous self. Like most things in my life, it didn't turn out quite how I imagined…

'Shag her later,' James interrupted. 'Firstly, you and I need to sort this out. You aren't bigger than me.'

I started edging towards the door. As tempting as the offer to shag Sirius was, I had to remain faithful to Daniel (despite the fact we haven't shagged for some time now).

'I am so,' Sirius said cockily.

'Boys, there's only one way to prove who is the biggest,' Peter interrupted.

James and Sirius eyed each other beadily.

'You're right, Wormtail,' Sirius said grimly.

'Moony, summon some tape measure.'

'And PlayWitch magazines,' Sirius added.

'What!' Remus exclaimed.

'It's only fair to measure size when they're erect,' Sirius said informatively.

James gulped and Remus sighed impatiently.

'Very well, then. Accio tapemeasure. Accio PlayWitch.'

My eyes widened in horror as Sirius and James began undoing their belts.

'You're joking, aren't you?' I gasped.

'No. Size is no joking matter,' Sirius said seriously.

'His name is Sirius, after all,' Peter added.

'Not funny, Peter,' James said, still glaring at Sirius as he tossed his pants aside.

'I can't be here,' I gasped. 'I'm leaving.'

And with that I ran for the door and didn't stop running until I was safely here, under my covers in my dorm.

Though I can't help feeling curious as to who won… I really hope it was Sirius. After all, Lily is a lesbian. She doesn't need a man with a big… _wand._

* * *

**March 16**

8pm- Was just reading through my previous entries and have come to realise that I really do lead quite a sensational life. Mary (still a query lesbian) believes that I overdramatise things. Lily thinks I should find a proper hobby because, according to her, 'keeping a diary isn't a hobby.'

Hmm, really want to know who won the willy contest. Remus wouldn't tell me. He said that it was part of the Marauders' code of silence that he wouldn't tell and that what happened in the room would be kept in that room. I tried reasoning that I was in the room for the first part of the argument and hence was entitled to know the outcome, but he wouldn't budge. Apparently, if I wanted to know the outcome, I should have stayed in the room instead of running off.

Stupid sodding Remus.

10pm- So excited! Just received a note from Daniel asking me out for a drink tomorrow evening. It's going to be a brilliant St Patrick's Day!

**March 17**

Weight: 9 stone 9 lb

Height 5ft 5

Calories: Thousands

Drinks: Hundreds

Cigarettes: 1 (SHOCKING!)

10am- Woke up at 8 and did an hour of study. Am afraid not much went in because was so excited for date with Daniel!

.

10.30am- Why is life so complicated? It turns out the Marauders and Lily and Mary have decided that we should all go out to Hogsmeade to the Irish Pub over there… but I'm meant to be meeting Daniel!

.

5pm- Harumph. Mary cornered me, and was a total bitch. Smug lesbian couple-

'Anna, what do you mean you 'don't know if you can come out'?'

I shifted uncomfortably.

'I mean that… I may have other plans,' I said shiftily.

She sighed.

'Daniel? Fucking hell, he's our teacher. It was fun in the beginning, but this has gone on for too long. You have to end this.'

I have to end it? _Why _do I have to end it? It's not as though I've had anyone else interested in me! Why can't she be happy for me?

'Well I'm not going to,' I sniped. 'And you can't tell me what to do.'

'Anna, you do realise that what you're doing is highly illegal.'

I rolled my eyes.

'He's not even that much older than me. And it's not as though you've always kept in line with the law,' I snapped.

'This is different. You're shagging your teacher. Do you realise what people would say if they found out? You'd be labelled the slag of Hogwarts!'

I pushed past her, blinking away hurt tears.

'Leave me alone. I don't care,' I shouted, slamming the bathroom door shut behind me.

Part of me is furious with her, but another part knows that she's right. The thing is, I don't see how anyone would find out if we were to continue being careful as we are. I mean, only Mary knows and that's because I've told her.

Sod this. I'm going on my date this evening. The others can go be Smug Couples together for all I care.

6pm- Why is Sirius so lovely? Sat next to him at dinner because was ignoring Mary, and she me.

'You right, Jones? You look a bit down,' he said, nudging me.

I looked up into his beautifully stormy grey eyes.

'Yeah, I'm okay,' I muttered, stabbing my steak with more force than was necessary.

'Well, you can forget whatever's troubling you tonight,' he said. 'I find that a good dose of alcohol poisoning usually sets me straight.'

I pursed my lips.

'Yeah, I'm not coming tonight,' I muttered.

'Oh,' he said. I'd like to say he sounded disappointed, but I'm pretty sure that was just my imagination taking artistic license. 'Well, it's a pity because the rest of those boys are nancies when it comes to drinking.'

He paused, and then screwed up his perfectly straight nose.

'On second thoughts, perhaps it's a good thing. I think you've vomited enough times on me this year to last me a lifetime.'

'Oh Merlin, you'll never let me live that down, will you?' I sighed.

He leaned forward very close and my breath caught.

'Never,' he whispered, grinning and moving back to his shepherd's pie.

I glanced round to the teacher's table and watched Daniel as he chatted away to Minnie. Even though I knew Mary was right, I couldn't help feeling that he was worth it. I mean, someone as godly and clever as Daniel had taken interest in me.

Me.

The shameful disgrace.

And when someone takes an interest- especially someone like him- who am I to turn him down?

On that note, I'm off to get ready.

* * *

**March 18**

Weight: 9 stone 8 lb

Height 5ft 5

Calories: 1500 (not bad)

Drinks: 0 (still recovering from yesterday)

Romantic thoughts: Zillions (v. v. bad)

* * *

7am- How is it that I am awake at this ungodly hour after a night of heavy drinking? The answer is quite simple- I never fell asleep.

Last night was the weirdest, most fucked up evening I've had… I'm tempted to say 'ever'.

It started off normally enough. I met Daniel at a lowkey little inn on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. The first two hours were lovely. He did most of the talking for the first part and I just sat and listened or, rather, watched as he told me about all the complicated and clever things he did when he left Hogwarts.

He then leant forward and whispered in a voice so sexy that my knees knocked together that he had taken a room upstairs and we went up and had the loveliest shag session. It's amazing how quickly everything was forgiven. Am starting to think that shagging could solve a lot of this world's problems.

I was a tad disappointed when he said that we couldn't stay the night- or he couldn't, in any case- because he had to be in London for a late-night meeting. I must've looked disappointed, because he pulled me to him and kissed me in a way that sent butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

'Sorry, I've been a prat, haven't I?' he muttered in my ear as he skimmed his lips across my collarbone. 'But you can understand my situation, can't you? I'm just ridiculously busy. Trust me, there's nothing I'd like more than for you and I to…'

'I get it,' I breathed, still in my trance of post-coital bliss. 'It's okay.'

He beamed, and got up abruptly, pulling me straight out of my little trance.

'After you,' he said, holding the door for me.

I forced myself to smile and picked myself off the bed. We went down the stairs and, just as we landed on the ground bar level, I heard Sirius' booming voice:

'Honestly, Peter, can't you read a map? One we wrote, no less? Where on the wrong fucking side of Hogsmeade! Bloody useless, you are!'

I gasped, but it was too late. Sirius had already spotted me.

'Anna,' he said slowly. 'What are you doing here?'

I turned bright scarlet and felt my heart sinking as I Sirius' eyes moved from me to Daniel.

'Sirius,' Daniel said stiffly, nodding.

I saw the colour draining from Sirius' face (and this isn't an exaggeration. He really was very white by this stage. It was quite scary, really).

Sirius ignored Daniel, and looked to me.

'What are you doing here?' he repeated, his voice shaking.

I didn't know what to say. I'd never seen Sirius this way before. He looked furious.

'Well, it was nice running into you, Miss Jones, Mr Black,' Daniel cut in smoothly. 'But I really must run if I'm to make my meeting.'

'Who is she this time?' Sirius remarked scathingly. 'Stealing away another…'

'Really, I'm very late,' Daniel interrupted. 'Goodbye.'

I'd never seen anyone apparate so quickly. Once he was gone, however, I was scared to look at Sirius again.

'Anna, there's nothing going on between you two, is there?' Sirius said seriously (ah there's the pun again… but, really, Sirius was very serious as he said it).

'No. Course not,' I muttered. 'He's a teacher.'

Sirius looked at me for a moment, and then smiled.

'Sorry,' he sighed. 'It's just… he's got a bit of a reputation. I'd hate for you to get caught up in all of that.'

REPUTATION? DANIEL HAS A REPUTATION? AS WHAT? A WOMANISER? A GENIUS? AN AMAZING SHAGGER? WHAT IS THIS REPUTATION OF DANIEL'S?

Bloody Sirius.

I shrugged, still avoiding his eyes.

'As I said, he's a teacher.'

'Yeah, of course,' Sirius said, looking relieved for some reason. 'Hey, are you sure you're not coming out with us?'

I hesitated.

'What were you doing here, by the way?' he added.

I shifted uncomfortably.

'I met my mum for a drink. She chose here because apparently it's low-key enough for the paparazzi to be kept at a minimum,' I lied.

Sirius laughed and I was surprised at how easy it was to lie about Daniel. I couldn't help feeling a little sickened with myself. If I've had to lie about something, it's usually been something I really shouldn't have been doing.

'Well you should come out with us and forget your mother. The others are waiting outside, I've just got to go to the loo.'

I couldn't help asking-

'Oi, who won the competition?' I called out to him.

He waved his hand and ran off to the toilets. I sighed and went and joined the others.

But there was something about Sirius and Daniel's interaction that was a little odd- am starting to think that Daniel knew Sirius before this year. Must investigate.

.

Eventually, we made it to the right pub. On the way, no one would reveal the winner of the contest- something that really peeved me, I must admit.

When we arrived, however, things really started to go pear-shaped.

Firstly, Lily and Mary were at odds because apparently Mary had worn Lily's dress without asking. Then, when Mary saw me, and the others said they had found me at the Inn, she was livid and said, in front of everyone, that if things turned upside-down, I'd have no one to blame but myself.

Each of us girls stormed off to different ends of the bar and ordered shots, downing them in our pissed-off-bitch-anger at each other. James went to try console Lily, Mary had Remus, and I had no one because Peter was off buying himself a pint of cider and Sirius had somehow disappeared.

Depressed, I ordered more and more drinks until I was quite blind. I slumped in the corner of the pub and watched everyone in my drunken haze. After what seemed like hours, Mary slumped next to me.

'I'm sorry Anna,' she slurred, resting her head on my shoulder. 'I love you. Don't be mad.'

'I love you,' I mumbled back. 'But you love Remus more.'

'No way,' she said, shaking her head emphatically. 'Bros before hos,' she said, very slowly and deliberately.

'Are you calling Remus a ho?'

'Course I am. He's my ho. Do you know he's got the biggest winky out of all the Marauders?'

Suddenly, I wasn't very tired anymore.

'How do you know?' I exclaimed, sitting up suddenly in my outrage. 'He told you?'

Mary pouted, reaching out for my shoulder again.

'Yep.'

'Do you know who won between James and Sirius?'

'No,' she mumbled. 'Apparently they're all sworn to secrecy on that one.'

'Bummer,' I sighed.

We sat in silence for a while, drifting back into our drunken comatose state.

'Anna,' Mary said eventually. 'You deserve better than Daniel. He's not a proper boyfriend to you. You need someone our age.'

I closed my eyes.

'But he's so amazing.'

'You used to say that about Sirius, you know.'

'I still do. He's a bloody Adonis.'

Mary struggled to sit up, and put her hands on my shoulders to keep her balance.

'Anna,' she whispered. 'Why don't you go for Sirius?'

I snorted, and then choked on my own saliva. It took me a while to recover.

'Because,' I gasped. 'His last girlfriend was Helen Asteria. Someone like Sirius doesn't go from the likes of her, to the likes of… me.'

'But he likes you!' Mary whined (drunks are really annoying when they whine).

I actually laughed.

'Yeah, as someone to hang out with when everyone else is on a date, or whenever he wants someone to laugh at.'

Mary became very solemn, very suddenly. She then turned and faced me, her face very serious.

'Anna,' she said. 'Why don't you go for it tonight, with Sirius? If nothing happens, then I'll accept your Daniel situation. But, if something happens… you give him up and take things up with Sirius.'

'No! No! No!' I whispered, covering my ears and swaying in my chair.

'Come on,' she coaxed. 'Just _try_. It'll be fun. We're all drunk, so no one will think anything of it tomorrow.'

I swayed.

'No. I can't. He's got a girlfriend.'

'Apparently they broke up again the other day.'

'For how long?' I muttered. 'Anyway, I won't do that. I'd be hurt if Daniel did something like that to me.

Mary rolled her eyes.

'Fine. But I dare you to snog him. Come on, Anna, you've never refused a dare!'

Thankfully, Remus came and took Mary away at that point and I was left in peace and quiet. Well, it wasn't exactly quiet, and I had to lunge for a bin to hurl a few times…

My memory is a little hazy, but somehow I ended up outside with James and Sirius. Sirius was having a smoke and I, repulsive child that I am, joined him.

Lily kept telling me off for smoking, bit I was too sloshed to care. Suddenly, Pottyhead tried to push us back inside the pub.

'It's chilly. Let's get inside,' he said hurriedly.

'But I'm not done!' I exclaimed.

'Neither am I,' Sirius said. But then his face slackened as he caught sight of something or, rather, someone in the distance.

'That… _bitch!_' he spat, throwing his cigarette on the ground and going over to where Helen Asteria was slinking down the main road of Hogsmeade on the arm of a gorgeous man.

We flinched as we heard shouts. Slowly, we inched forward and forward so we could hear better.

'We only broke up last week. Who's he? The one you were slagging around with behind my back?'

She smiled cruelly- yet oh so beautifully.

'Sirius,' she said silkily, 'We're not together anymore. You said so yourself, last week, when you said that you couldn't forgive me. But if you think I'm going to stand in the foyer while you oscillate between wanting me and hating me, then you have another thing coming.'

'You know what?' he spat, 'I don't care. I'm better off without you in my life.'

I saw her eyes flashing at this. She evidently didn't like that.

'I agree, _mon cheri,_' she said softly.

I heard Potterhead groaning next to me.

'What?' I said.

'Each time she calls him that, he loses it,' he sighed. 'He gets all sentimental and wants her back…. And there you have it!'

James threw up his arms and walked into the pub. I turned to see Sirius and Helen Asteria snogging as though their life depended on it. I then looked to the man she had come with. He looked furious and was muttering angrily under his breath as he drew out his wand and disapparated.

'Wow,' Lily said softly. 'She's… I never understood what they meant by _femme fatale_ until now.'

I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed that Mary was indeed wrong and, for once, I was right.

'He doesn't want her, you know,' Lily said to me as we walked back to the pub. 'But he can't let her go. Or won't. I don't think even he knows which it is.'

Why, oh _WHY _can't someone want me that badly? As much as I- dare I say- love him, I know he doesn't need me. If I were to tell him that we're over, I'm pretty sure he'd move on quite easily.

I want to be wanted. He doesn't have to be gorgeous, or a sex god or smart…

And there I go, getting all sappy and romantic again. Resolve, tomorrow, to banish all mushy thoughts. Might start by throwing out my Mills & Boon collection.

Good plan.

* * *

**Another update? So soon? I'm sure you can find ways to reward me for being such a good little fanfic writer ;D**

**Next chapter-**

'Jones, don't do it. If you do, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Listen to me, Jones, I'm telling you this for your own good!' - **Sirius to Anna**

**What's Anna up to this time?**

**Love, Anya**


	9. Chapter 9: March 18 to April 1

**March 18**

**Weight: 9 stone 8 lb (hideous)**

**Height 5ft 5**

**Calories: 1400 (slight improvement from yesterday)**

**Drinks: 0 (good)**

**Shags: 0**

**Bewilderment: Huge**

**Depression: Quite bad (though understandable given my loss)**

* * *

10am- I spent about 2 hours of this morning hiding under the covers, not wanting to face the day. But I must. It's time I threw out those silly romance books once and for all.

.

10.10am- But there are 2 I haven't read yet! Perhaps can keep those 2, read them, and then chuck them once I've finished them?

.

10.20am- No. Must keep my resolve. Going to find a big garbage bag right now.

.

6pm- Aii! I got caught! This is what happened-

I was sobbing while dragging the huge garbage bag of Mills & Boon books down the staircase. Then, suddenly, the stupid bag split and all my books came tumbling down the stairs.

Swearing, I went down to the Common Room and tried picking them up as quickly as I could. Unfortunately, Sirius arrived on the scene before I could remove the evidence.

'Jones, there's no way you can read so many books in a day,' he said condescendingly, frowning as he read the blurb of 'An Oriental Princess.

'I'm reading them,' I snapped. 'I'm tossing them out.'

He blinked, surprised.

'Tossing them? Why?'

'Because,' I said, trying to stifle my sobs, 'I need to stop filling my head with such romantic nonsense.'

He laughed.

'So you're throwing them out? You _love_ those books!'

I shrugged miserably and kept picking the books up.

'Jones, don't do it,' he said gently, taking the books from me. 'If you do, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Listen to me, Jones, I'm telling you this for your own good!'

I shook my head.

'I have to.'

'But it's so wasteful to throw away thirty books! Surely it's better to give them away rather than to throw them out.'

'Well, you can have them if you like,' I said dully, already plotting my mission to steal them back.

'Fine. I'll take them,' he said quickly. (I find this very suspicious, I have to say). 'But don't get me wrong,' he added. 'I'll just keep them safe so that when you realise that you need them, I can give them back.'

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief.

'Is that so?'

'Yes,' he said, snatching the rest of the books off me and making a beeline for the Boys' Staircase. 'Good day, Jones! I'll guard them well.'

And with that, he sprinted up the staircase before I could probe any further.

Who would have known that Sirius Black, sex god of Hogwarts, reads Mills & Boon novels?

* * *

**March 25**

**Weight: 9 stone 6 lb (an improvement)**

**Height 5ft 5**

**Calories: 1400 (afternoon tea with mother)**

**Annoyance with mother: Magnificent**

* * *

4pm- Harumph. Just met mother for afternoon tea. She is now depressed because 'no one recognises her face anymore' (thank Merlin for that, I say!)

'You know, darling,' she said. 'It doesn't help that you don't give two newt eyes about me.'

What she fails to realise, is that it is SHE who is ruining my life, but doesn't care! Not only _my _life, but dad's! He's still a wreck and she doesn't care one bit. All she cares about is how many mentions she can get in Witch Weekly.

Thankfully, there haven't been any for a while…

But I'm worried that she's going to do something really terrible just to get back in the press. Something about her seemed a little off, today. She was really jumpy and kept looking around her…

.

6pm- Perhaps I should change my name? That way, if she _does_ do something terrible, no one will associate her with me? But what name?

Anna Kelly?

Anna Hepburn?

Anna Melrose (I wish…)

Anna Black. No. Scrap that one.

.

6.30pm- To be honest, Anna Melrose has a very nice ring to it. If only Daniel would give me a ring…. A large one…

.

7pm- Must stop being ridiculous. Daniel isn't going to give me a ring any time soon. At least I don't think he is…

.

7.10pm- Oh, but I wish he would! It would be so lovely to be married. I'd make an excellent housewife!

.

7.30pm- Actually, I'd make a terrible housewife. I can't cook, am terribly messy. I don't even look like a Stepford Wife. Rather, I look frumpy on my best days. Hmph.

.

9.00pm- Let's be honest. The most likely surname I'm going to end up with, is going to be Anna Pettigrew.

9.10pm- It doesn't sound _that_ bad… but the thought of shagging Peter makes me dry retch, so I hope fate has something a little better in store for me.

* * *

**March 29**

**Weight: 9 stone 6 lb**

**Height 5ft 5**

**Calories: 2000 (chocolate binge post non-shag with Sirius)**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: Thousands**

**Gay boys in Gryffindor: Possibly 2**

* * *

This morning, James was arguing with Sirius at the breakfast table. It went something like this-

'You wouldn't have been so hopeless this morning in training had you gone to bed early. Instead, you stayed up all night reading. We have a match in two days, Sirius. Pull up your socks!'

'Reading?' Remus frowned. 'What were you reading, Sirius? Surely you weren't so engrossed in your school books!'

'Surely not,' Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes- his bloodshot eyes.

'It wasn't PlayWitch, because our subscription comes after the match,' Peter piped.

'Thanks for that, Peter,' James hissed, ignoring Lily's glare.

'Potter,' she growled.

'Not now,' he squeaked.

'PlayWitch, Potter?'

James sprung up, his eyes flashing dangerously.

'Yes, Lily, I read PlayWitch. I am a 18-year-old boy and, like most 18 year olds, I look at porn when I masturbate.'

Lily gasped. Mary and I tried not to giggle.

'Yes, I masturbate,' James roared (he was on a roll). 'We _all_ do it. Any man that tells you he doesn't is _lying_.'

And with that, James stormed out of the Great Hall.

'Well!' Lily stammered, her face as red as her hair. 'What's… what's wrong with him?'

We all looked to Sirius, who looked half-asleep.

'He's just stressed about the match,' he shrugged, pouring a second cup of coffee and swilling it down in one.

'What book were you reading last night?' Lily pressed.

Sirius cast a terrified glance at me, before muttering something under his breath.

'What?' Lily frowned. 'Speak up!'

'You were reading a Mills & Boon book, weren't you?' I said, suddenly.

Sirius' eyes widened.

'No,' he said, blushing and looking away. 'I wasn't.'

'Mills and Boon?' Lily all but shouted. 'You? Sirius Black?'

'I wasn't,' Sirius hissed, swilling yet another cup of coffee down before getting up and hurrying off before anyone could further accuse him of reading Mills and Boon books.

'Well, well, well!' Remus grinned. 'I always knew he had secretly read the Mills & Boon books in _my _collection, but I never thought he would go so far as to seek the books out himself!'

We laughed, but Mary stopped suddenly.

'Hang on,' she said, looking disturbed. 'You… you have a _collection?_'

'Yeah,' Remus shrugged nonchalantly. 'Why? Did you want to take a look at it? It's quite an extensive collection.'

Mary bit her lip. She looked very concerned.

'Oh, I _love_ that colour on you,' Remus remarked to Lily. 'The green really brings out your eyes.'

'Stop!' Mary shrieked. 'Stop it!'

Remus frowned.

'Mary, what's wrong?'

'You! You're… you're so gay! But you're not! It's too confusing! I don't know what you are! You own more fashion magazines and romance novels than most girls and yet… '

Mary stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder.

'Sorry, I have to go,' she snapped, storming out of the Great Hall.

'That seems to be happening a lot, today,' I remarked, looking around at the considerably emptier Gryffindor Table.

'It's okay, Remus,' Lily said kindly. 'She was up studying last night and didn't get much sleep. I'm sure she'll be very sorry in an hour's time.'

Remus shook his head sadly.

'But I'm not gay,' he said, looking up at us honestly. 'I… I'm just not!'

He then looked at us and we saw the uncertainty in his eyes.

'Are you sure you're not?' Lily said tentatively.

Remus frowned.

'I just don't fancy men!' he exclaimed.

'But have you ever kissed one?' I asked. 'Because sometimes you don't fancy something simply because you've never tried it.'

Remus looked up at us dolefully.

'Are you suggesting I try kissing another guy?'

.

'Sirius,' Lily and I announced. 'You're needed.'

We tore back the curtains of Sirius' bed and saw him curled up in a ball, Mills & Boon book in hand. His eyes widened in horror when he saw us.

'It's not what it looks like,' he said automatically.

'Maybe this test will help him sort out his own sexuality,' Lily muttered. 'Right, Remus, where are you?'

'Why Sirius?' Remus complained. 'Can't we choose someone else?'

'No,' Lily said. 'Sirius is the most attractive male in this school, and certainly might be gay himself. It won't work if you kiss any odd boy.'

Sirius dropped his book and looked at me in horror.

'Remus kiss me? What are you on about?'

'Sirius, we need you to help Remus make up his mind about his sexuality,' Lily snapped. 'Remus, kiss Sirius.'

Sirius sprung off his bed and hid behind me.

'Come on, Jones, you know this is dumb. Please don't make me…'

'Sirius,' Lily snapped. 'If you're a good friend, you will help Remus here.'

Sirius shifted uncomfortably.

'But he's not gay!' Sirius tried to reason, still using me as a shield. 'He's… he isn't…'

'This is stupid,' Remus said, turning to leave. 'I told you this was a bad idea.'

Remus looked so broken as he went to leave that I couldn't help feeling sorry for him.

'Moony, wait,' Sirius called reluctantly. 'I'll… I'll do it.'

Remus shook his head.

'Forget it. You don't…'

'No. I want to.'

'No, you don't!' I shouted impulsively.

Everyone turned to me.

'Anna,' Lily said severely. 'Shut up.'

'Sorry,' I whispered. 'It's just… all the good ones are always gay.'

Sirius and Remus looked at each other awkwardly.

'Oh, for Merlin's sake,' Sirius sighed after a prolonged silence. He walked right over to Remus, pulled him to him, and snogged him.

And, trust me, this wasn't no light peck on the lips. It was a full, proper snog- tongue and all. It was quite sickening, really.

Unfortunately, their timing was terrible because Mary happened to walk into the dormitory mid-snog. She took one look at Sirius snogging Remus, before running out again.

'Fuck,' I muttered.

'I'll go after her,' Lily said. 'You sort out these two… though I'm not sure they need it.'

Remus and Sirius separated (finally) just as Lily left.

'Well?' I said miserably. 'Will there be two more gorgeous men joining the already-gorgeous gay club?'

Sirius looked uncertain. Remus, however, looked ecstatic.

'That was… brilliant!' he said cheerfully.

'It was?' I said weakly.

'Yes,' he nodded. 'Thanks so much, Pads! You've just cleared everything right up!'

Sirius stared at Remus. He had a funny expression on his face.

'So… do you fancy me?' he asked slowly.

'No!' Remus laughed. 'That's just it- I don't! I didn't feel _anything_ in that snog and, believe you me, I tried! Where's Mary? I have to tell her!'

'Uh, she sort of saw you snogging Sirius and ran out crying,' I admitted. 'So you'll have to perform a very big gesture to beg for her forgiveness. Try making it as manly a gesture as possible,' I added. 'Poetry is a bit noncy.'

'Crap. Well, I'd better go sort this mess out right away.'

He all but flew out of the dormitory, leaving Sirius and I alone together.

'Jones,' Sirius said suddenly. 'Jones, I have to snog you.'

'What?' I exclaimed.

'Jones, I'm feeling very confused right now, and the only thing that can fix that is a thorough snog session with a girl. I might need to shag you as well, if you don't mind.'

While my heart was singing at the idea of a thorough snog session with Sirius Black, sex god of Hogwarts, I couldn't forget Daniel.

'I can't,' I snapped. 'But I think I should take my Mills & Boon books back. They're obviously a bad influence on you.'

'You wouldn't!' Sirius said, scandalised. 'Jones, you can't!'

'I can, and I will!' I snapped. 'Accio Mills & Boon books!'

The books came flying at me from all different areas of the dorm. I counted them, and frowned as I realised one was missing.

'Sirius, where is Goddess of Love?'

Sirius shook his head.

'I'm in the middle of it!' he pleaded, crossing his arm over his chest. I could see the book under his jumper.

'Sirius,' I continued, 'It's no good for you. Now, be a good boy and give me the book!'

Somehow, we had gotten quite close, without my realising it. Our chests were almost touching.

Sirius smirked.

'You'll have to get it off me,' he said, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

Why am I such a sucker for challenges?

I dropped the other books and tried to grab his jumper. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but as he tried blocking my arms, we ended up falling on his bed.

Still, I was more concerned with getting the book. There we were, wrestling on his bed, and my main concern was a stupid Mills & Boon book!

I tugged at his jumper a little too forcefully at one point, causing it to tear. The book fell onto my chest and we both froze, panting.

It was then that we realised just what position we were in. He was on top of me and I could feel his breath on my face. I was painfully aware that my skirt was no longer doing its job in protecting my modesty, but was bunched up around my waist leaving my knickers exposed.

And then he leant forward that little bit further and his lips brushed my own.

I KNOW it was wrong. I KNOW I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it-

I kissed him back, and I liked it.

And it wasn't like the pecks we'd had before, either. It was a proper snog. It felt as though his hands were all over my body as I pulled him closer to me, sinking my hands into his glorious hair.

We were interrupted by the sound of throat being cleared. We turned to see a red-face Peter scurrying out of the dorm as quickly as he could.

And that's when reality hit me.

'What am I doing?' I exclaimed, trying to wriggle out from under Sirius.

He pouted.

'Why, I think you were snogging me. Quite well, too.'

I tugged at my hair.

'This is all wrong!' I said. 'I'm… I can't do this, Sirius! I'm _with_ someone!'

Sirius crossed his arms.

'Who is this mystery person, Jones? Everyone knows you're with someone, but no one's owning up to being that 'someone'. He's not a book character or celebrity, is he?'

'No,' I snapped. 'He's a real person. Just like Helen Asteria is. You're with her, aren't you? You were snogging her the other day.'

Sirius glowered.

'No, I'm not with her,' he said bitterly. 'We're done and dusted.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Now where have I heard that before, I wonder?'

Sirius crossed his arms stoutly.

'Who is he?'

'I'm not saying,' I snapped. 'And I never will, so just let it alone.'

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but I got there first-

'And I'm not going to throw what I have with him away, for a bit of frisking with you because, let's face it, that's all you want from a girl like me.'

Sirius went to speak again but, again, I interrupted him.

'Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with you. You're lots of fun, and I don't mind the harmless flirting… but we're not going to do this,' I said, motioning to the bed.

'Listen, Anna, I don't think…'

I sighed, and tossed the book back at him.

'Here, finish it and give it back to me when you're done. It's my favourite Mills & Boon novel, and I wouldn't mind re-reading it over the weekend.'

And with that, I left to go help Lily convince Mary that Remus is, indeed (against all odds), straight.

Where I found the strength to walk away from a proper shag session with Sirius, I'll never know. Good thing I'm meeting Daniel on Sunday evening!

* * *

**March 31**

**Weight: 9 stone 8 lb (paying for my chocolate binge**

**Height 5ft 5**

**Calories: 2400 (Quidditch match, so understandable)**

**Alcohol: Lost count (Again- Quidditch)

* * *

**

10am- Quidditch match today! Everyone is v. excited. James is a neurotic mess, but Lily has given him a proper snog to calm him down. We are very proud of how far she's come.

Go Gryffindor!

.

11am- Slytherin had better not win.

.

11.30am- Okay. If Slytherin wins, I will personally castrate the Gryffindor team. Sirius included.

.

11.35am- Might make him impregnante me first. I'm sure it would create a beautiful baby.

.

11.45am- Okay, am off! Game is about to start!

.

8pm- Againsh wewon hahahaahahaaa

* * *

.

**APRIL**

**April 1**

**Weight: No idea**

**Height: Probably 5ft 5. Not likely to ever change**

**Calories: Not counting**

**Amnesia: Still v acute**

**April Fools Pranks: 1 (v. stroppy)**

**Near-drownings: 1 (v. bad)**

**Men willing to save me: 4 (v. good. I'm improving!)

* * *

**

9pm- Gryffindor won last night which, of course meant a huge celebration party. Because I was so sexually frustrated, but had no man to shag, I had nothing to do but drink, drink, and drink.

Eugh. Just writing that word makes me shudder. Never drinking again.

I was so drunk that I actually passed out.

.

When I came to, it was today, and I was on a blow-up bed in the middle of the Great Lake.

The Great Fucking Lake.

I was spooning the Giant Squid's tentacle. I'm not even joking. When I woke up, I was hugging one of its slimy arms.

Apparently my scream could be heard all the way from the Great Hall, because it seems like the entire school came running out from breakfast. They all started laughing when they saw me, freaking out on the sodding blow-up mattress.

I then saw the four marauders, laughing their sodding arses off, and realised it was their fault.

'I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!' I screeched. 'THIS ISN'T SOME PRANK. THIS IS…'

But, in my blinding hangover and rage at the Marauders, I lost my balance and fell into the lake.

To a normal person, falling in the lake may have been embarrassing, but not life-threatening. To me, it was quite the death trap because I can't swim.

Apparently those four idiots didn't know that when they sent me to the middle of the Great Lake.

It really was one of the most traumatic and horrible experiences of my life, and there was nothing funny about it. You see, I could see my escape- it seemed so close, and yet was too far away for me to reach- the crystal surface of the water, with the rays of sun playing on the surface.

I tried holding my breath till my lungs felt as though they were about to burst, and then I could hold no longer. I was gasping in huge amounts of water, and choking….

I don't really want to write about it. It was so unbelievably painful.

At some point, I lost consciousness. What I will now write is what Mary has recounted to me.

They saw me fall in the water, and all laughed. After a few seconds passed (and I hadn't resurfaced) Mary remembered that I can't swim.

She screamed at the boys to go after me and save me. Sirius, James and Remus apparently sprinted for the water and began swimming to where I had disappeared. Peter squeaked something about not being able to swim.

But neither of them saved me. Daniel saved me. Lily had fetched him as soon as she heard I was on the lake. He went to Mary and asked what had happened to me and she told him.

Without a moment's hesitation, he performed some spell that instantly transported him to where I had fallen in. In an instant, he had me back on dry land and was performing CPR on me while Lily called for Madame Pomfrey.

Eventually, I came to and saw Daniel's concerned face.

'Anna, Anna,' he kept repeating. 'Can you hear me?'

I groaned, but then lost consciousness again.

When I properly came to again, I was in the hospital wing, surrounded by Daniel, Lily, Mary, and the four Marauders.

'Anna,' James said, 'We're so sorry. We didn't realise…'

But I really couldn't see them. I know it was meant to be a silly prank, but when you've just narrowly escaped death, your perspective changes a little.

'Get out,' I interrupted.

'Anna,' Remus tried. 'It was so stupid. We had no idea…'

I turned to Mary, feeling tears stinging my eyes.

'Ger rid of them, please,' I whispered. 'Please.'

'Get out,' Lily snapped. 'I told you she wouldn't want to see you. How could she?'

'We're really sorry,' Peter piped.

I looked to Sirius, who was standing the furthest away and looking at the ground. I was furious that he hadn't even tried to apologise.

'What don't you understand about 'get out'?' Mary shouted. 'Out! Out!'

Thankfully, Madame Pomfrey helped round them out.

'Thanks,' I said gratefully. I then turned to Daniel.

'You saved me,' I smiled. 'Thank you.'

'Of course,' he said, touching my hand.

I can't believe I ever thought Sirius could come close to being better than Daniel. Sirius, is a stupid immature wanker who nearly killed me. Daniel, however, is a mature, clever and strong man, who clearly has protective instincts. I love him.

'I have to go,' he said quietly. 'Take care you rest well'

I smiled at him as he walked out.

'Thank God for Professor Melrose,' Lily gushed. 'Oh Anna, that was terrible. We were so worried.'

'We've broken up with our wanker boyfriends, just so you know,' Mary said grimly. 'I don't think I'll ever forgive them.'

'Certainly not!' Lily said angrily. 'They nearly killed one of my best friends.'

I suddenly felt touched that Lily, former Authoritarian Bitch of Hogwarts, considered me one of her best friends.

'You didn't have to do that,' I said quietly. 'I just… you know, the memory's still a bit raw for me to forgive them just yet.'

'Stupid, fucking idiots,' Lily seethed.

I couldn't help smiling at hearing Lily use the word 'fuck'.

At that point, Madame Pomfrey bustled in and told Mary and Lily that they had to leave me alone so I could sleep. To be honest, I was thankful to be left alone. I really needed to rest (and forget).

* * *

**A/N: Poor Anna. Just another example of how the Marauders' pranks (sometimes) went too far.**

**Next chapter:**

'_Sirius Black is the most vile creature to ever walk this planet'_

**Again, I'm terribly sorry for the wait for this chapter. I promise they'll be coming quite regularly from now on. It's been a very busy few weeks with Christmas/New Year.**

**Please leave me a review!  
Love, Anya**


	10. Chapter 10: April 2 to 14

**April 2**

**

* * *

**

**Weight: Not sure**

**Height: Probably the same**

**Calories: 2000 (according to Madame Pomfrey)**

**Lungs: Improving**

**Flowers: 2 (1 from dad, 1 from Marauders)**

**Visitors: 6**

**

* * *

**

1pm- I really can't understand why I'm still stuck in this Hospital Wing. I honestly feel fine. Scarred for life, but fine.

Stupid Minnie felt compelled to owl my parents and inform them of my brush with death.

Mother, lovely creature that she is, sent flowers with a 'Get Well Soon' card. Honestly, who sends a 'Get Well Soon' card to a child of theirs that almost died? She is perfectly capable of apparating to Hogsmeade to visit me. What on earth could be more important than her daughter?

Oh yes, that's right- Julio.

Father, on the other hand, was there in an instant. Poor thing. He was so worried about me. I had to keep telling him I was fine and that it was just a silly prank and that it was never dangerous (I lied. If you had seen his face, you would have too).

Eventually, Madam Pomfrey told him he had to let me rest (what's with that woman and resting?), so he finally left. Don't get me wrong, I love him for visiting me, but it was too much for me to see all the worry and anguish in his eyes. It made me realise that I'm really all he has left.

.

3pm- Hmph. The Marauders (sans Sirius, I might add) just came to visit me. I was very stroppy and refused to speak to them for quite a while. They did seem genuinely sorry , though (they brought me a HUGE box of Honeydukes' finest…)

Apparently, they didn't know I couldn't swim. After their use of this excuse for what seemed like the hundredth time, I finally cracked-

'I don't fucking care!' I screamed. 'It doesn't matter that you didn't know- you shouldn't have done it in the first place! Do you know how many dangerous creatures live in the Great Lake? How would I have _any _chance of defending myself in my pyjamas, without a wand, even if I _could _swim?'

They looked down at their hands, ashamed.

'And,' I continued to rant, 'If I hadn't screamed or, worse, had fallen in the Lake in my sleep- I would be dead by now. Done. Gone. All for some idiotic, stupid…'

'Anna,' James interrupted suddenly. I was shocked to see tears in his eyes. Actually, they were all tearful at this point. 'We know, and it sickens us to think that you could have died, and no one would have even known. I swear, thank Merlin you screamed…'

'Do you know how much it hurt?' I choked, becoming tearful myself. 'You can't breathe, but your lungs burn so much that you eventually give in and gasp but, instead of air, water rushes in. You can't cough or splutter it out, because you just end up breathing in more water, and yet you can't help choking and trying to gasp for air but instead, all you get is more…'

I stopped and took a deep breath.

'I joke about pretty much everything. I may be a walking comedy act, but let me tell you there was nothing comedic about what I went through.'

There was silence, and then Remus took a sharp intake of breath.

'We don't deserve your forgiveness, but just know that we regret it with all our hearts. If I could turn back time, I would. Believe me, I would. It sickens me to know I put another person through… that.'

I said nothing, and the three boys stood up and went to the door. Just as they reached it, I burst out-

'I might forgive you lot one day, but tell Sirius Black that if he ever so much as dares to look at me, something very horrible will happen to him.'

James and Remus looked to each other.

'He's really sorry, he really is,' Remus said (he put on quite a show of trying to look truthful).

I snorted.

'Yeah, I bet he is,' I said rolling my eyes. 'Please leave. I need my rest.'

And with that, they left.

What they didn't know is that, had they stayed any longer, I would have burst into unrestrained sobs of self-pity because a boy as gorgeous as Sirius Black had to turn out to be nothing but a self-centred wanker who was quite possibly capable of murder.

I'm now looking at Helen in a whole new light. Kudos to her for getting out early. He doesn't deserve her.

.

6pm- Oh thank goodness. I get to leave this boring, bleach-white room tomorrow. Oooh Lily and Mary just arrived!

* * *

**April 4**

**Weight: 9st 7lb**

**Height: I really don't know why I persist with this…**

**Calories: 2000 (Blame Marauders for extra large box of Honeydukes chocolates). *Note- this figure doesn't include alcohol.**

**Lungs: Normal (I think)**

**Alcohol: Lost count quite early on in the evening.**

**

* * *

**

7pm- I really couldn't hate that Black anymore if I tried. Today, I bumped into him as I was on my way to breakfast (he was just leaving. Honestly, I don't know how he can eat, given what he did. You know, I bet that prank was _his _idea…).

The bastard didn't even stop. He just muttered 'sorry' and kept walking. I was so enraged, I couldn't help myself.

'You're sorry for bumping into me, but you're fine with the fact that you nearly drowned me?'

He paused on the stairs, his back still towards me, but then kept walking.

Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker. Wanker.

Basically, Wanker x infinity.

Anyway. So I spent the rest of the day going to class, feeling humiliated each time someone looked at me, and being furious at Sirius.

But that was nothing compared to what came as we were walking back to the Common Room at the end of the day. There, in front of the portrait, was Sirius Black snogging some fifth year of no consquence.

I was furious.

'He finds the time to pick up little juvies,' I seethed to Mary and Lily, 'and yet he can't find a few minutes in his day to apologise to me?'

Lily shook her head disapprovingly and shoved them unceremoniously to the side as we made our way into the Common Room.

'Remus says he was really shaken,' Mary frowned. 'But he doesn't seem shaken.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Of course he _said _that,' I said, flopping onto my bed. 'They've got their stupid 'Marauder's Code' of loyalty. They'd say anything to defend each other.'

'True,' Mary sighed. 'Oh well, I suppose we always knew he was a bit of a wanker.'

'A huge turd,' Lily interjected.

Mary and I glanced at her and tried not to laugh.

'He is,' I nodded. 'It just infuriates me that I ever thought he was something different.'

'It's a pity,' Lily murmured. 'All the good ones are either arseholes or gay.'

'So what's James?' I laughed.

'Average,' Lily grinned.

'And Remus?'

'Oh please, honey,' Lily laughed. 'We all know he's still in denial. He's… he's…'

Lily giggled to herself, and we all waited for her to continue-

'Remus is a lesbian, trapped in the body of a straight man,' she said solemnly.

'Oh Merlin! That's it!' Mary exclaimed, jumping up in her excitement. 'Lily, you finally cracked it!'

We laughed, but then I flushed as I remembered the day we made Remus kiss Sirius- and how heated things had become between Sirius and I.

'Do we have any alcohol?' I groaned, feeling a headache coming on. 'I really need a drink.'

We looked around, only to discover that our supplies had run out (horror of all horrors!).

So now we're about to venture off to Hogsmeade in search of comfort girls' night in supplies.

Toodles!

* * *

**April 5**

**

* * *

**

**Weight: 9st 8lb (bad, bad, bad!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (It's come to a point whether I must decide whether I'm going to grow, or remain short. This shilly shallying with the business is absurd!)**

**Calories: 0 (too hungover to eat)**

**Slughorn meetings: 1 (not the best counsellor today. Was too hungover to care about Horace's problems)**

**Hours spent hating Sirius Black: All day (bad. Bordering on obsessive)**

**

* * *

**

10am- Ugh. Too hungover. Going to skiv class. Is only History of Magic anyway. Lily gives her permission, bless her.

.

11am- Double ugh. Just realised have my Slughorn counselling session today. Had to cancel last two weeks, so really ought to go see how he's doing.

.

11.01am- But don't want to get out of bed!

.

11.02am- But this is the only way I'll pass Potions…

.

11.03am- Right. Am getting up. Now.

.

11.04am- Five more minutes, and then I'll be up and ready.

.

11.30am- Fuck! Fuckity fuck fuck fuck! What the fuck kind of time is this? Oh Merlin…

.

5pm- Thankfully, I wrote the time down wrong in my planner. I was meant to meet Slughorn at noon, so ended up being slightly early (what's the world come to!)

Horace was in a right state. His girlfriend dumped him over the weekend. If anyone's wondering why there's a world shortage of iced pineapple, it's because Horace is hoarding them in his office. I'm not even joking- there was a mountain of packets right next to his plush armchair.

'I'm finished, Anna,' he sobbed. 'No one wants me. I'm just a big, fat… slob!'

I sighed. It's one thing to listen to all this on a normal day, but to listen to it with a raging hangover is quite another story.

'Look, Horace,' I said, rubbing my temples and sipping my virgin Bloody Mary, 'She is not the only woman you'll ever love.'

He howled.

'Yes! Yes she is!'

I sighed impatiently.

'No, she isn't,' I snapped.

He fell silent, and I quirked an eye open to see that he was looking down at his hands. He looked so sad and heartbroken that I couldn't help feeling sorry for him.

'I'm just tired of getting my heart broken,' he mumbled.

At that point, I felt a little twinge in my chest, because I knew exactly what he was going through.

'Yeah, I sighed. I know what you mean.'

For the rest of the session, all I could think about was that Wanker, Sirius Black. It's not that I was in love with him or anything. It was the fact that I genuinely considered him to be one of my good friends. Before that Prank, I would have trusted him with my life.

I've always thought that only boys can break girls' hearts, and vice versa (or boys/girls if you're gay). It never occurred to me that a friend could break your heart.

But they can. And when they do, it's so much worse than any boyfriend ever could.

Because, with boyfriends, you're always wary that things mightn't work out. You don't like it, but it's there.

With friends, though, you don't expect them to let you down. You don't expect things to 'not work out', because you're not committing to do anything but be friends.

And that should be easy, right?

Apparently not, for Sirius Black. Maybe it's because I'm a girl. Maybe he only ever looked at me as someone he could have a bit of frisking with whenever he felt like it. Or, worse, maybe he never considered me as anything. Maybe all this was in my mind- us being friends and all. Maybe, all those times we spent together were just moments of chance because we were the only ones left. That's not exactly a strong indicator of attraction. Friendship included.

The most annoying thing about all of this is that all I ever expected was a simple apology- for him to feel a _little _bad about the fact that I nearly drowned for his amusement. Hmph.

* * *

**April 11

* * *

**

**Weight: 9st 6lb (being mad at Sirius Black is not without its benefits)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 1500**

**Mother: 1 (unfortunately)**

**Step-mothers: Possibly 1 in the near future (hope she is nicer than my original!)**

**Date requests: 1 (Hurrah!)**

**

* * *

**

6pm- Omph. Sodding long day, no thanks to mother. Merlin, I really detest that woman.

The day began pleasantly enough. Mary, Lily and I went to Hogsmeade for breakfast and then did a spot of shopping. I love shopping, but I hate that my thighs are too big to fit into anything lovely. Anyway. I picked up a dress. It's blue. I think it'll be good in winter, with a pair of tights and boots.

While shopping, I received an owl from mother asking for me to meet her for tea. It had 'URGENT' scrawled on top of the letter in giant red letters.

So my meeting with her to deal with whatever crisis she's going through is 'urgent', and yet her visiting her daughter in hospital, isn't?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Spitting out expletives, I was marched over to Madam Teapot's by Mary and Lily. I seethed the moment I saw Mother. She was sitting there, wearing black and the most ridiculous hat and veil.

Like she's some sort of diva.

'Oh darling!' she cried, the moment she saw me. 'Darling, darling, darling!'

I thought her tears an hug were because she was relieved to see I was okay following my ordeal. I relaxed into her embrace, fooled into thinking my mother had _finally _realised she has a daughter who has craved her love and attention since bith. I was a bit annoyed at how long it had taken mother to care about me, but decided that I would take it- better late than never.

Just as tears of joy were beginning to prick my eyes, my little delusion of having a loving mother was cruelly snatched away from me- by my own mother, no less.

'Now darling,' she snapped, pushing me away and sitting down in her chair. 'Why didn't you tell me?'

'The school notified you that I was in the Hospital Wing,' I said stiffly.

'What?' she breathed. 'Oh that? No, silly, I'm talking about your father!'

I ignored how quickly she had dismissed my brush with death.

'What about dad?' I asked, worried.

'Well!' she exclaimed. 'I was at your Aunt Una's last evening, and she informed me that he went to dinner with our friend Shirley. Shirley!'

I raised an eyebrow.

'Oh, come on Anna,' she snapped impatiently. 'Shirely Bootsworth, ex-wife of Harvey Jones. They have that son who's a lawyer.'

I still had no idea who she was, but pretended I did just so I didn't have to sit through anymore useless explanations.

'Right, and what about Shirley?'

'What about her?' my mother cried. 'She's going out with your father. That… tart!'

I blinked. It was quite rich of my mother, celebrated tart of the wizarding world, to call this Shirley woman a 'tart'.

But now I'm intrigued- who is this Shirley woman? I'm excited for dad. This might be my big chance to _finally_ have a loving mother.

Going to write dad a letter right now, demanding answers.

.

8pm- Hmph. Dad still hasn't replied. Probably too busy shagging Shirley. Oh Merlin, I did _not _just write that…. Ewww!

.

9pm- Yay! Date with Daniel tomorrow! Just received a letter from him asking me to meet him in his office. He said 'it's about time we caught up, Jonesy.'

Merlin, I love it when he calls me that!

* * *

**April 14

* * *

**

**Weight: 9st 7lb (bad)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 300 (trying to be thin for Daniel)**

**Shags: 2 glorious shags! Am a sex goddess once again!**

**

* * *

**

2pm- Why must 7pm be so far away? I swear, if it doesn't come soon, I'm going to explode!

.

2.30pm- Thinking of investing in some anti-lust potion. I can't concentrate

.

3pm- Hmph. Sirius Black just glanced at me in class. I glared back. Resisted the urge to poke tongue at him (v. good!)

.

3.30pm- I HATE MY MOTHER.

I just received a letter from her-

_._

_Dear Anna,_

_I'm just writing to let you know that I'm very disappointed in you. I came to you yesterday, expecting that you would listen to me. Instead, you were short and rude. _

_As your mother, I expect more respect from you. I gave birth to you and have spent the best years of my youth on you. The least you could do is listen and pretend to care._

_Regards,_

_Pamela Jones_

_Your Mother._

_._

Is she FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Calling an emergency rant session with Lily and Mary. We were supposed to study, but I'm just too furious to do anything at present.

.

1am- I'm supposed to be sleeping, but I can't. I just can't get over what Daniel told me tonight!

I went a bit early, because I was just too angry with mother. He was lovely, listening to my rant. Then, we snogged a little and he opened a bottle of wine.

'Are you close with Black?' he said, toying with my hair.

I looked up suddenly. I hoped that all my blushing whenever Sirius spoke to me wasn't _so _obvious that he had noticed.

'No,' I said sullenly. 'Why?'

Daniel shrugged.

'I just see that you two are often speaking.'

'Oh,' I said, glad that he wasn't suspicious of us. 'Yeah, we get along- or used to, before he tried to drown me, that is. I mean, we're in the same house so it'd be pretty awkward if we never spoke.'

Daniel simply nodded and said nothing else on the subject.

'Why did you ask me about Sirius?' I said, turning to look at him. 'You two don't seem to get along at all.'

Daniel shifted uncomfortably.

'You can say it,' I said. 'You can trust me. I hate him now, so anything you have to say against him is completely safe with me.'

I looked up at him and then Daniel nodded.

'Very well,' he said slowly. 'As you know, I'm a few years older than you.'

I nodded ruefully.

'When I was a little younger, I used to tutor Sirius and his little brother a lot over Summer. Our parents were family friends.'

'You knew Sirius before this year?' I said, surprised.

Daniel nodded.

'Yes. For four summers I used to supervise them. Eventually, they were old enough not to need supervision, but Sirius and I remained friends and would regularly catch up.'

'What happened?' I frowned.

Daniel exhaled and looked away.

'At one point, I was going out with a girl who you could say was a little closer to your age than mine. Sirius was one of my closest friends, so naturally she met him….'

He paused.

'I really liked this girl very much. I may have even loved her. Then, one night, I went to surprise Sirius with some good news I had receieved, only to find him and her in bed…'

Daniel trailed off and cleared his throat.

'Let's not ruin the evening with talk of that…'

'He cheated with your girlfriend!' I exclaimed, springing up. 'He did that. To _you_? He was your friend!'

Daniel nodded.

'Yes. Yes, I know! Still, let's not…'

'But that just makes total sense,' I snapped, ignoring Daniel. 'He puts on this front of being all 'loyal' to James and the others but, really, he's just a lying scumbag. I don't know how you can stand here and teach him! If I were you, I'd want to sock him one… or at least fail him!'

Daniel's lips twitched.

'It's okay,' he said, kissing me. 'It was a while ago. All forgotten.'

'Still,' I snapped. 'It was _not_ okay for him to do that to you. He just swans though life treating all his friends like shit… and gets away with it!'

'In the end, Anna,' Daniel said, 'he will be the one with no friends. Let's forget him. Now...'

He then proceeded to shag me in a way that made me forget all about Sirius for the next few hours.

But now that I'm back in my own bed, I can't help thinking about it…

So that's why Daniel and Sirius always hated each other. I don't blame Daniel one bit for hating Sirius.

WhWhich brings me to the turd himself- he's gone around hurting everyone, and yet manages (time and time again) to 'get out of jail free'.

One thing's for certain- I won't be forgiving him for _anything_ as quickly as everyone else seems to forgive him. Bastard.

* * *

**A rather fast update! I've been in bed for the past three days. Half of that was spent with a fever that made me delirious and useless, but the other half was spent writing this because I was too dizzy to get up and do anything else!**

**Next chapter-**

'Jones, I know I should've apologised a long time ago, but…'- Sirius to Anna

**And now, please feel free to leave me a review. It's marvellous fun!**

**Lots of love,**

**Anya**


	11. Chapter 11: April 15 to 29

**April 15**

**Weight: 9st 6lb (shagging has its benefits!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 1000 (good)**

**Study: 2 hours (a start)**

**Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius in class: 3 (v. bad)**

**

* * *

**

10am- Right. Today, I am going to study. I've had a bit of an off period what with the near-drowning and all, but it's time I got back on the horse.

.

10.10am- I've never been horse-riding before. I wonder what it's like?

.

10.15am- I asked Lily, equestrian queen of her town, and she says it's easier than riding a broomstick. (I'd hope so for her sake!)

.

10.20am- Hm. Just remembered it's been a while since I last rode a broomstick. Should look into it. Apparently Daniel is quite good at riding.

.

10.21am- …. And not just broomsticks har har har….

.

10.25am- Right. Going to give myself 5 mins to get any ridiculous or procrastinatory thoughts out of my head, and then will start studying right away as soon as the clock hits 10.30am.

.

10.26am- I feel like a shower. Maybe I should have one now?

Then again. There's no way I'd be able to have one in 4 mins…

.

10.27am- But am really quite disgusting. After strenuous shagging of yesterday, I really ought to shower. Can't very well show up to Transfiguration like this…

.

10.28am- Study, or shower? Will do a Pros & Cons:

STUDY: PROS:

-Will become smarter, and all graceful women are smart.

-Will catch up on homework. No graceful woman is late (unless pregnant with a beautiful child)

- Will be better-equipped for upcoming NEWTs

.

STUDY: CONS:

-Boring

-Many models are beautiful, yet dumb

-Nerdy

-Have never really studied before and therefore may be dangerous for me to venture into the practise now. Not sure if my constitution will be able to handle it

.

SHOWER: PROS:

-Clealiness is paramount

-Cleanliness is next to godliness

-Turning up to class in this state will have me branded a disgusting slob

-Grace Kelly would never be seen in public with greasy hair

-Will ensure that I'm not institutionalised with a recurring case of 'the hippies'.

.

SHOWER: CONS

-No study

.

I think that settles it- shower it is.

.

5pm- Probably should have studied instead of showered. Or, at least not showered for quite so long. Minnie made a proper spectacle of me in Transfiguration. Sodding bitch.

I mean, what kind of idiot doesn't know the meaning of 'I don't know'?

'Miss Jones,' she said, in her authoritatian professorzilla voice, 'What is the incantation to transform this mouse to a snuff box?'

I vaguely remembered something about snuff boxes in second year… but couldn't remember the incantation to save my life.

'I don't know,' I said, glaring at Sirius whose lips were twitching, the conniving wanker.

'And _why _don't you know?' Minnie continued, glaring at me.

'Because I don't,' I said through gritted teeth.

She started walking around the room, her eyes still fixed on me like some virgin serpent.

'Miss Jones,' she said. 'It is imperative that you know this!'

And then my big mouth went blurting again-

'Well, with all due respect, _Professor_,' I said. 'I can't imagine any situation where I would possibly want to be transforming mice into snuff boxes. I mean, snuff hasn't been used for ages! It's all spliff and cocaine these days… and heroin if you're into harder stuff.'

I've never seen Minnie's face turn such a bright shade of red. Not even when Sirius flirted with her in our very first transfiguration class.

'Miss Jones!' she screeched. 'Ten points from Gryffindor for cheek, and detention this Friday!'

She then went on to grill Peter, who knew even less than me (if that's even possible).

So now, not only have I been humiliated in front of my class (nothing new, really), but I have detention on Friday.

Lovely.

* * *

**April 17**

**Weight: 9st 6lb **

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2000 (bad)**

**Study: 0 (too exhausted post-detention, therefore understandable)**

**Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius in class: 2 (improving)**

**Detention: 1**

**Apologies: Many**

**Accepted apologies: None**

* * *

9am- Grrrr. Today, at breakfast, I found out that Sirius also has detention with me. Don't want to be stuck in a room with that twat.

.

9.01am- Wonder how many detentions I would get for murdering Sirius Black?

.

9.05am- To be quite honest, I think I'd receive an award for 'Services to the School' if I murdered him. Hmmm

.

9.06am- Harumph. Mary just saw my 9.01am entry. Apparently I'm on 'Sirius murder watch'. I have such ridiculous friends.

.

9.10am- Maybe Black and I will be allocated different rooms for detention? It's possible. There. Mustn't get prematurely worked up over what isn't.

.

5pm- Gahhhhhhh. Have detention in the same room with him. What to do? What to do? At least he's not here yet. Can always hope he won't turn up….

.

5.01pm- Well, apparently 'mop up without magic' is what I have to do. Fucking hate Minnie. Bitch. She and Sirius really are perfect for each other.

.

8pm- Back from detention. It was one of the more unpleasant experiences of my life.

Sirius turned up, the bastard. I had already mopped up half of the trophy room by the time he arrived.

He was very pale when he came in. I ignored him. He had probably been shagging some underage girl and there wasn't enough blood to perfuse his brain and his little self at the once.

Anyway. He walzed in and stammered-

'Sorry I'm late.'

I sniffed affectedly and said nothing. I'm still quite impressed that I managed to keep my cool so well.

'Where should I start?'

'Now?' I snapped. 'Now that I've only mopped half the area?'

'Okay,' he said quickly. 'I'll do the rest. You just… well, you have to stay here, but you can just sit and do whatever.'

I crossed my arms. I was very suspicious of him. He was up to something.

Nonetheless, I wasn't about to keep mopping when he was willing to do the rest. I marched over to a table and sat on it. He looked at me and blushed.

'Jones,' he said. 'I know I should've apologised a long time ago, but I was just so…'

'Save it,' I snapped. 'I don't need it now.'

His face fell. Why on earth was such a terrible person graced with such a gorgeous face? It hardly seems fair.

'But… can't I just explain?' he stammered. 'I just… I felt so terrible and sick with myself that just seeing you made me feel physically sick.'

'Great,' I muttered. 'Way to make a girl feel special.'

His eyes widened.

'Not in that way,' he said. 'I meant, with myself. That's why I very wrongly avoided apologising to you. Trust me, I tried many times, but then chickened out- like that time you caught me snogging Kylie.'

I snorted.

'Okay, so you've realised that drowning someone is wrong,' I snapped. 'It doesn't change the fact that you're a terrible person and that I want nothing further to do with you.'

He opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it. He nodded, looking quite sad and defeated (all a clever act, I'm sure), and carried on mopping.

The rest of the hour dragged on, but I occupied myself by lying on the table, concentrating on growing taller. He looked at me a few times and looked as though he wanted to say something, but said nothing.

The walk back to the common room was even worse. Who knew silence could be so loud?

Eventually, when we were close to the Fat Lady, he spoke-

'Jones,' he said softly. 'I'll do anything you want to make it up to you. You name it.'

I crossed my arms.

'I don't need anything from you, thanks,' I said tartly (it was very hard to keep my composure and remember what he'd done to Daniel, when his gorgeous grey eyes were looking at me so 'honestly').

'Well please consider it,' he sighed. 'You and I were good friends and… and I think it'd be a pity for us to lose that because I was stupid enough to…'

'Try to kill me?'

He shuddered.

'Save it for your teeny worshippers,' I said, pushing past him. 'Your looks don't fool me. I know what you're capable of.'

'What?' he said, looking confused.

I snorted.

'Stealing the girl someone loves is the lowest of low, Sirius,' I said. 'You disgust me.'

And, with that, I marched off, ignoring his calls of- 'what are you talking about?'

The sickening thing is that he's trying to do it to Daniel, yet again, with me. Though this time it's probably unwittingly, because no one knows that I'm with Daniel.

* * *

**April 20**

**Weight: 9st 6lb **

**Height: 5 ft 5 (detention had no positive outcomes whatsoever. Hmph)**

**Calories: 2500 (study induces snacking)**

**Study: 3 (a good start)**

**Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius in class: 2.5 (worsening)**

**Detention: 0 (good)**

**Drinks: 1 (excellent)**

**

* * *

**

Lily, Mary and I decided to form a study group today. It was actually marvellous fun- we had lots of food and I learnt heaps. Basically, I just listened to Lily yap on about Goblin Rebellions which was a win-win situation, because she got to solidify her knowledge by teaching, and I got to learn it all by listening. She's actually an excellent teacher.

Though I must admit her Authoritarian Bitch side came out a little. Mary went to open a bottle of champagne at the start of our session (to ease us into it), but Lily forbade all alcohol until our study was done. Hmph.

But it was _after _the study session that things became fun. We took the bottle of champagne with us and traipsed down to the Head Girls' bathroom.

Can I just say- Merlin's saggy balls, Lily has the _best _baths on a daily basis.

It was the most amazing room, with high ceilings and all this marble and paintings. It was positively palatial.

Mary and I scolded Lily for not taking us to her bathroom earlier. She rightly apologised and promised to give us the password so we can use it too (YESSSSSSS!)

Anyway, so we spent the rest of the evening drinking and trying out the hundreds of bubble bath scents.

Overall, a top evening. On that note, I'm off to sleep.

* * *

**April 22**

**Weight: 9st 6lb **

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 1800 (better)**

**Study: 1 (not good)**

**Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius in class: 3 (why is he bad? It was so much more fun when he was good)**

**Daniel: 0 (v. depressing)**

**Letters from parents: 1 (an improvement).

* * *

**

11am- Today, I thought I'd surprise Daniel at morning tea. It really annoys me that I can only visit him when he invites me, and that's once a week- tops. He was busy giving advice to Esther Goldmeyer on her essay. Had to make up some old excuse about needing help before running off. Was v. embarrassing.

.

11.01am- Oh dear, Esther's really pretty. He's not having it off with her, is he?

.

11.02am- I don't think he is. Daniel's sweet, caring and wouldn't do that to me- especially after what Sirius did to him.

.

11.03am- Hm, just remembered that Helen cheated on Sirius. Well, he deserved it. What goes around comes around.

.

11.05am- Daniel really is very sweet. He sent me a note apologising for not seeing me, and asked me to see him tomorrow evening. V. excited at having such a wonderful… teacher? Boyfriend? What on earth is he to me?

Hmph. Hate this situation. Can't wait till am out of school and we can do whatever we like without worrying about getting caught.

.

8pm- FINALLY, got a letter back from dad-

_._

_Dear Anna,_

_I hope you're well and recovered from your near-drowning. I was so worried, but you seemed to be improving the last I heard from you._

_I see your mother got to you about Shirley. It is early stages, but we've become quite close friends over the past few weeks. I don't want any fuss, so please respect our privacy at this early stage of our relationship._

_I hope you don't see this as my replacing your mother. It's just that it's been very lonely over the past few months and there comes a time when one must accept that some things just aren't meant to be._

_Stay well._

_._

_Lots of love,_

_Dad_

_._

About fucking time he replied. I'm not sure about this Shirley character. I can't remember her, though, so that's probably a good sign because it means there isn't anything outrageous about her.

Oh well, at least dad seems happy. If she turns out to be a good one, I think I may adopt her as my real mother. Or tell everyone she is, anyway… Ahhhh, to have a normal mother…

* * *

**April 23**

**Weight: 9st 6lb **

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 1000 (V. v. good. Excellent!)**

**Study: 2 (not bad, but mainly homework)**

**Sirius chats: 1 (bad)**

**Daniel time: Glorious!**

* * *

3pm- Hmph. Sirius caught me alone today (how does he do it? He always seems to find my exact whereabouts!). I was sitting under a tree, writing my essay, when he happened upon me.

'Jones,' he said, sitting down next to me. 'Are you still furious with me?'

I tried to ignore him at first, but he's a persistent bugger-

'Jones,' he coaxed, 'Come on, Jones. Don't be like that. We used to have so much fun together! Listen, all the others are having dates on Friday night. What say- you and I hang out? You know- like the old times?'

'Sirius,' I snapped. 'It was one time. It was a mistake.'

'Mistake?' he frowned. 'How can you call having a beer a mistake?'

'Because,' I said haughtily while gathering my books, 'it was a mistake for me to waste any of my time with you at all!'

I expected a smart comment, but he just sat there, looking sad. Ha! A great act on his behalf, I'm sure.

'I'm really sorry, Jones,' he said again. 'I had no idea that stupid prank would get so out of hand. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like.'

'No,' I snapped. 'You can't. But this extends far beyond just that prank.'

'What?'

'I don't want to talk about it,' I said, swinging my satchel over my shoulder. 'In any case, I'm sure you'll deny it anyway.'

He stood up.

'Deny what, Jones?'

'I already told you- I don't want to talk about it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go.'

Yay for my having the strength to walk away! I think I might actually be developing into a poised sex goddess… Hurrah!

On that note, I'm off to visit Daniel to further exercise my feminine wiles. V. excited to see him!

* * *

**April 25**

**Weight: 9st 6lb (why no change! Dieted perfectly yesterday! Even had exercise through shagging! Hmph)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2000 (Too depressed. Dieting obviously has no effect on weight whatsoever)**

**Study: 0 (Slughorn needed a double session today)**

**Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius in class: 1 (improving. Not helped by the fact that he keeps chucking notes at me)**

**Notes ignored from Sirius: All (V. Good!)**

**Drinks: 3 (Slughorn needed them and couldn't very well allow the man to drink alone…)**

* * *

11am- Fuck! What time is this? I've slept through Charms. Oh bugger…

.

11.10am- Was furious at Mary and Lily for letting me sleep through Charms, only to discover that they too slept through charms. How did this happen?

.

11.11am- 11.11am- lucky time! Must make a wish…

.

11.12am- Right. Back to the matter at hand of having missed double charms (no point showing up now). We are all confused as to why and how this happened. Three alarm clocks deciding not to work on the same morning seems very fishy.

.

11.13am- Mmm very fishy indeed. Our first thoughts, are obviously to blame the Marauders.

.

11.14am- Yes, must've been them. We are now planning our revenge.

.

11.20am- Lily just had a brilliant idea (who would've suspected she had this in her?) We are going to pour Wizagra on their pillows. Tomorrow will be a very glorious morning for them indeed…

.

11.30am- Hehe we've done it. I can't wait.

.

11.40am- Hmm, problem may arise in that they may become so horny from the Wizagra that they'll find us and force themselves upon us. Mary just stated she is curious to try sex with Remus on Wizagra

.

11.45am- At least Lily is adamant to remain a virgin. Good girl.

.

11.50am- We are off to lunch now. Are going to remain silent about the whole matter. Best to let them think we intentionally slept through our alarms- that way won't give them the satisfaction of a successful prank.

.

12.30pm- Oh dear, that concept's out of the bag. Lily flew at James as soon as she saw him and screeched about how she wants to win the Charms prize, and how we can't afford to miss class with our looming NEWTs. Fucking Lily always has to remind us about those stupid NEWTs.

.

12.45pm- Bugger. Sluggers just reminded me that we have a counselling session at 1pm. Bugger, bugger, bugger. Was going to catch up on some study then. Now I have to sit there and listen to the pathetic issues of the Slug of Slytherin. Honestly, I'm not a good student as it is. I don't think I should be taking on counselling amongst everything else I have to do.

.

12.55pm- Oh well, there's nothing for it. Might as well get this over and done with. To be quite honest, I don't mind these sessions. I like telling people how to fix their lives. So much easier than fixing my own!

.

8pm- Oh lordy, he was in his element today! I had barely knocked on the door once before it flew open.

'Come in! Come in!' he boomed before slithering across the floor and flopping down on his couch like a child, mid-tantrum.

'Horace,' I said testily. 'What's wrong?'

'She won't answer any of my letters,' he wailed. 'I sent her flowers, iced pineapple…'

'That's because you broke up,' I sighed, sinking into an armchair. 'It's over, Horace.'

'But… but I loved her!' he said. 'It's not fair.'

'Of course it's not,' I said expertly. 'But we can't force others to love us. If she doesn't want to see you anymore, then you must accept that and concentrate your efforts on someone who might return your affections.'

He pouted as he considered this statement.

'That's easier said than done,' he said sulkily.

'Of course,' I said easily. 'But it doesn't make my advice any less correct.'

He was silent for a moment, before reaching for a new packet of iced pineapples.

'Horace, don't you think you've had enough of those?' I said carefully. 'Wizard Watchers only allows one packet of iced pineapple a week, and you've had quite a few today already, by the looks of it.'

'What's the point,' he sulked. 'I lost weight and got chucked anyway.'

'There's plenty of point!' I cried.

'Have you got a boyfriend?' he interjected.

I hestitated.

'I'm not sure if we can call him that.'

'Really,' he said snidely. 'So what _would_ you call him?'

I considered it, and then decided that it was time that I accepted that Daniel was indeed my boyfriend. It was a very lovely feeling.

'No, I think I'd call him my boyfriend. He's my boyfriend.'

'And yet you haven't lost any weight since we started counselling,' he said. (EVIL MAN!)

'I think you'll find my weight fluctuates,' I said icily. 'Now, Horace, you aren't paying the Wizard Watchers program to eat iced pineapple. Focus on your goals, Horace- you want to lose weight for yourself, and for your health. Remember?'

'Oh psh!' he said. 'Who loses weight for 'health' and for their own 'wellbeing'. Let's face it, we're all getting thinner because that's the only way to attract anyone decent- or anyone at all, really- of the opposite sex.'

I hate to admit that the Slug had a point. I mean, would I go through all this calorie-counting rubbish if I knew men liked fat girls? Somehow, I highly doubt it. Why oh why was I born in an era where it's chic to be a stick-insect?

Eventually, I allowed Slughorn to open a bottle of wine and the rest is a rather hazy memory of Madam Rosmerta's finest mead…

* * *

**April 26**

**Weight: 9st 7lb (anticipatory need for extra weight to deal with today's dinner) **

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2500 (blame stress of dinner)**

**Study: 0 (too stressed about dinner)**

**Hours spent secretly glaring at Sirius: All of dinner, and not too secretly either…**

**Detention: 0 (excellent).**

**Drinks: Thousands (Understandable)**

.

12 noon- Awww fuck! Why does this always happen to me? Why am I, Anna Jones, always dragged into the most impossible and disgusting situations?

Just received the following from mother-

.

Anna,

Your father and I, and our respective significant others, are going out to dinner this evening at 7pm, sharp. You are to come.

Mother.

.

I'm not going. I'm going to pretend I never received the letter. What could be worse than being the fifth wheel? Not to mention the fifth wheel surrounded by my own parents!

No. I'm not going. I refuse.

.

12.30pm- Hmph. Just received a letter from father-

.

Anna, darling-

I understand your mother just invited you to tonight's horrific dinner. Understand it wasn't my idea, but she went to Shirley and invited us through her and Shirley said yes, so I had no choice but to accept.

Please come. I'm going to need moral support.

.

Fuck. No. Why does this shit happen to me? All the sodding time…

.

12.35pm- But dad's such a sweetie. Awww fuck, I have to go.

.

3pm- Trying to study, but impossible. All I can think about is mother shagging Julio on the dinner table, for all to see. Ugh! Yuck, yuck, yuck!

.

4pm- Hmm, wish I could bring Daniel for moral support. Unfortunately, that would put his job in jeopardy.

.

5pm- Am considering taking Mary or Lily…

.

5.10pm- Hmph. Neither Mary nor Lily will touch the thing. They cruelly refused, the both of them, to do their jobs as my friends and offer me the support I need.

Bitches.

.

5.30pm- It's times like these when I wish to Merlin that Sirius didn't turn out to be such a prat. He would now how to shut mother up.

.

5.40pm- Arsehole.

.

5.50pm- Maybe I should take Remus?

.

6pm- Remus won't go on account of his going out with Mary tonight. Same deal with James.

.

6.10pm- Against all odds, even Peter Sodding Pettigrew has a date. Don't know if Black is available, and don't care.

.

6.30pm- Am wandering around my dorm like a useless tit. I can't do anything. I'm just too furious about the fact that I'm going to this stupid dinner in the first place. Hmph. Maybe I should catch a horrible infection, rendering me unable to attend?

.

6.45pm- Mmm too late. It seems I'll have to attend this horror feast after all…

* * *

**April 27**

**Weight: 9st 8lb (whyyyy?)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2500 (post traumatic stress disorder)**

**Study: 10 (0 effective, hence pointless exercise)**

**Hours spent plotting Sirius' untimely demise: 10**

**Drinks: 0. Never drinking again. I mean it this time.

* * *

**

10am- I am furious. I woke up this morning, not in my bed as I should have, but on the floor of the sodding common room, spooning Sirius, and surrounded by the ogling students of Gryffindor (perverts).

How the fuck did I get there?

Well. I turned up to dinner at 7pm exactly, as mother had requested. To my annoyance, neither mother, father, nor their significant others were there.

So there I sat, at an empty table, furious at my parents for putting my in such a situation.

Five minutes passed, still no sign of anyone.

At ten minutes, I was tapped on the shoulder.

'About fucking ti-'

I stopped to see that it was none other than Sirius 'The Turd' Black himself.

'What are _you_ doing here?' I snapped.

'I work here,' he said easily.

I almost spat out my wine (yes, I had ordered a bottle. I wasn't going to sit around with an empty glass, now, was I?)

'You? Work?'

'Yep,' he said. 'I mean, my uncle left me a house and some gold but… that doesn't exactly go very far. I wait tables upstairs every Saturday lunch-afternoon.'

'Oh,' was my very intelligent response.

'Anyway, I just got of. What are you doing here, alone? Having a date with your elusive man of questionable existence?' he grinned.

I crossed my arms.

'No,' I said primly. 'And he _does_ exist.'

I sighed glumly.

'I'm having dinner with my parents, and their significant others.'

Sirius snorted, and pulled out a chair and poured himself a glass of wine.

'Hey!' I protested.

'Sounds like a riot,' he said, ignoring my glare.

At that point, my parents decided to show up. Twenty minutes late.

'You're late!' Mother accused Dad.

'Nice to see you too, Pamela,' he muttered. 'I might also point out that you yourself are twenty minutes late.'

She ignored this, her eyes fixed on Sirius.

'Oh goodness! Anna, you've brought Mr Black!'

'No,' I began. 'I haven't brought…'

'Nice to see you again, Mrs Jones,' Sirius interrupted leaning over me and kissing Mother's hand (slippery bastard).

'Anna, who is this?' my father demanded.

I suddenly felt a little nervous at the thought of dad meeting Sirius. I'm not even sure why.

'Um, dad, this is Sirius,' I said nervously.

He looked at Sirius with scrutinising eyes.

'So are you the chap Anna's seeing?' he said disapprovingly.

I shook my head, but Le Git nodded.

'Sure!' he said, shaking dad's hand. 'I see her all the time. We're both in Gryffindor, you see.'

'Hm,' dad said, still uncertain of Sirius.

'Dad,' I interrupted emphatically. 'He _isn't _my boyfriend. He's just a classmate. We're not even friends!'

'Course we are!' Sirius interrupted cheerfully. 'Ah, Mr Jones, please allow me to thank you for raising such a hilarious daughter. No one has ever been able to make me laugh as much as she does. She's brilliant.'

And, somehow, that's how Sirius Le Git Black won over my father. I'm a bit offended that's all it took. I'd have liked a bit more of a struggle, to be perfectly honest.

What followed was a horrific dinner where Sirius sat in between my two parents, who both forgot their respective partners- who were sitting on either of myself.

Basically, Julio, Shirley and I watched on as my parents fought over each other for Sirius' attention. Naturally, I downed numerous bottles of wine in a bid to distract myself from the spectacle that was unfolding before me. Eventually, I was so drunk that my vision blurred, my speech slurred and my memory became blank. It's rare that I'm grateful for these side effects of alcohol but, trust me, they were very welcome last night.

Due to my alcohol-induced amnesia, I have absolutely no recollection of how I ended up on the common room floor or, indeed, _why_ I was on the floor with him at all. Of all the couches around the common room, one would think that we could have slept on separate couches on opposite sides of the room.

I was too embarrassed to ask Sirius what happened. I quite picked my sodding self up off the floor and made a wild dash for the Girls' Staircase. At present, I am hiding under my sheets, hoping that the cruel gossiping students of this world will all magically forget what they saw this morning.

Judging by the way Lily just shouted my name, I highly doubt it. Oh fuck…

* * *

**April 29**

**Weight: 9st 9lb (sod it. I give up. No more weighing in May)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2000 (mostly alcohol)**

**Study: 2 (but then distracted- Lily's fault, so ok)**

**Hours spent wondering if anything happened between Sirius & I: 2 (not bad given circumstances)**

**Detention: 0 (excellent).**

**Drinks: Many (Again, Lily's fault)

* * *

**

12 midnight- Oh Merlin, am absolutely knackered and really too drunk to be writing but oh well. I'm exhausted, but not sleepy. I know it sounds strange. Even I'm confused, but it's true. I find this usually happens to me when I'm drunk.

Yes, I'm drunk. Again. Don't look at me like that. Well, you're not looking at me like anything, because you're a sodding diary and diaries can't look or speak or do anything other than be a non-judgmental book in which to record all my stupid thoughts. I think my original plan in getting you was so that I'd spew out all the crap that I thought in here, so that I didn't say it aloud.

Needless to say, that plan has failed rather spectacularly.

And, even though you are an inanimate object, I still feel as though you are judging me.

Well, I don't care. I'm going to tell you anyway and, because you are an inanimate object- Ha! Ha! Ha!- you can do nothing but suffer it! If you could see me, I'm sticking my tongue out at you RIGHT NOW! Hehe

Right. Tonight. Well, let's backtrack to yesterday. I'm still so confused as to what happened between that Black Bastard and I. I've been to embarrassed to confront him about it and- even then- I'm not sure I want to know what actually happened.

Ignorance is bliss, right?

Well, I tried telling that to Lily. We had another study session this evening. Well, it was _supposed _to be a study session, but it was quite unsuccessful because Lily was convinced that James, the Potterhead, was cheating on her.

Yeah, I know. Least likely thing ever- right?

Well. It turns out that James has been seeing quite a bit of a 'tall, slender woman with shiny black hair'. Lily had spotted them a few times in Madam Teapot's. When Mary and I asked her what this girl looked like, Lily maintained she had never seen the woman's face- only the back of her head.

Naturally, we were all very suspicious about this and, a few bottles of champagne later, we decided that the only proper thing to do was to confront the Potterhead, once and for all.

And that's just what we did. The three of us- drunk as nutters- barged into the boys' dorm. They had, to our surprise, yoghurt face masks on.

'What the hell?' I cried, shocked.

'Oh my sweet Circe!' Mary gasped. 'That's her!'

'Oh my God!' Lily shouted. 'You're hiding her in here! How dare you!'

Tears streaming down her cheeks, Lily lunged at James and started hitting him all over.

'Lily!' he shouted. 'What? What are you?'

'It's here!' Lily cried. 'You're cheating on me with her… and you, Remus and Peter, are both helping him do it!'

Peter and Remus looked very confused as Mary and I clicked our tongues disapprovingly.

'What about Sirius?' Mary said. 'Where's he in all of this?'

'Probably off shagging someone's girlfriend,' I muttered.

'Or boyfriend, as you're all suggesting,' the girl said drily.

We all looked to each other, confused, and the other woman got up and went to the bathroom.

'I knew you were in on it! You bastard!' Lily cried, as Sirius emerged from the bathroom. 'Where is she? I'll kill her!'

'Lily,' Sirius snapped, looking very pissed off. 'I am she. I have no idea what the three of you are on- alcohol, it seems- but James is _not _cheating on you and I am a man, thank you very much.'

'I dunno,' Mary said, squinting. 'He looks like a she from here…'

'Mary,' Sirius growled. 'I'm a man. Now get out, the three of you, before I hex you into believing it!'

We all squealed as Sirius Le Sexy Woman Git chucked us out of his dormitory. Confused, we all traipsed back to our own dormitory where Mary and Lily proceeded to cry about cheating boyfriends before passing out on Lily's bed.

I had a bit of a vomit (hah, you have to listen to _all _the gory details!), and then found I've sobered up a bit. Now I'm feeling a bit down. I'm drunk, and by my sodding self. Usually, when I'm this drunk, I'm snogging the face off some random man at Witchy Business.

But I can't do that. I wish Daniel was here. I'd shag him silly.

I'm tired. I don't know what I'm saying. I think I'll sleep now. Nite nite.

* * *

**Nite nite is something I should've said a while ago as it seems I'm going to get less than 5 hours sleep tonight... but I wanted to update for you all. Say you love me :)**

**Next chapter-**

_'Darling, I was so impressed with Mr Black at dinner the other night that I've spoken to Walburga of the possibilites of marriage between the two of you, and am pleased to say that she is in favour!'_

**Please review!**

**Love, Anya**


	12. Chapter 12: May 1 to 6

**May 1:**

**Weight: 9st 9lb (at least not fatter)**

**Height 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 1500 (better)**

**Study: 10 (excellent!)**

* * *

10am- Right. A new month means a new start… right? Well, that's how I'm looking at it. We're nearly halfway through the year, NEWTs are around the sodding corner, and I need to pull my act together. Desperately.

Got up early this morning and did an hour of study. It was brilliant. I actually finished my assignment for Charms which means I have tonight for revision only!

I've got a spare period now, so am going to go for a walk. It's as that Greek guy said (can't remember which one- there are so many of those philosophers!) – healthy body, healthy mind!

.

10pm- Feeling very satisfied after a day of excellent study. Lily, Mary and I had a little revision session just now. We've agreed to do an hour revision together every night… though I do feel awfully stupid in those sessions where Mary and Lily are talking about things I've never even heard of as though they are the most basic of concepts.

It's okay… I've got time. I just can't be silly anymore. Right. I can do this…

.

1am- Fuck. I can't sleep. I'm shit-scared of these NEWTs. I know nothing… I know nothing… Oh sweet Circe, I'm going to fail!

.

1.20am- Right. Can't sleep. Won't waste the night. Am going to study.

* * *

**May 2**

**Weight: irrevlent, as is my height, and the amount of calories consumed.**

**Sleep: 0**

**Hospitalisations: 1**

* * *

5pm- I bloody fainted in Potions today. It was a total disaster because I fell back into Sirius and James' sleeping potion.

.

6pm- Merlin, am so tired. I was in the middle of writing and fell asleep. I fainted because I was so exhausted after being up all night studying and then

.

6.30pm- This had better stop! I can't study if I'm constantly nodding off. Oh sod it. The Marauders and their girlfriends are here.

.

7.30pm- Got rid of them quite easily. Apparently I fell asleep as Sirius was talking to me… and apparently he took it personally! Haha at least this potion has some positive effects.

.

9pm- Madam Pomfrey thinks I need to stay here tomorrow. Bloody hell. When am I meant to study? Terrible start to May. Terrible!

* * *

**May 4**

**Weight: 9st 7lbs (have miraculously lost weight!)**

**Height: 5ft 5 (but grown no taller. Hmph)**

**Calories: 2000 (need energy to stay awake)**

**Coffees: 10 (my hands are shaking)**

**Sleep: 13 hours (improving)**

**Friends: 0**

**Boyfriend: Uncertain 1**

* * *

9am- Have been allowed to return to classes today. Only have History of Magic (as if I needed an excuse to sleep!), and Defence Against the Dark Arts… which I plan on being fully alert for!

.

12 noon- History of Magic was rubbish. Fell asleep but, according to Potterhead, I missed nothing, so am not despairing. Must stay awake for DADA. I must!

.

2pm- Right. Had a little cat nap after lunch and have just downed 3 cups of coffee. Should be right.

.

8pm- It was worse than expected! We were meant to just duel each other and I was paired with Peter. As we started duelling, all the flashing lights in the room made me sleepy!

Just as I was nodding off, Peter sent a stunning hex at me and, because I was already asleep by then, it hit me!

.

Daniel had to revive me/wake me up. When I woke up, Sirius was telling Peter off saying that you can't do that to someone who's asleep. Then he started telling Daniel off for being an inconsiderate teacher and ignoring my condition. By this stage, Peter was in tears and Daniel was turning bright red.

'Sirius, shut up!' I managed to yell.

He stopped and turned to look at me.

'What if it was someone else duelling you? What if they sent something worse than a stunning curse at you?'

'That's the point! We're duelling! In a real life situation, I mightn't be able to deflect all curses- sleeping potion or not!'

Sirius glared at me. I was really very shocked to see him getting so worked up about all this. Then, I remembered his little drowning prank and became livid.

'How _dare_ you!' I shouted, suddenly. 'You nearly _drowned _me and you're creating a scene over this little stunning incident?'

Daniel cleared his throat.

'Uh… Miss Jones, Mr Black… if you wouldn't mind…'

But I was too annoyed to pay attention.

'You think that you're so special, don't you? You can do whatever the hell you want, and you never suffer for it… but you're so fucking critical of everyone else! I have no idea where you get off thinking you're so superior!'

'I don't…'

'You do!' I shouted.

'Class dismissed,' Daniel said quickly. Everyone except for Lily, Mary and the Marauders scrammed- but I barely noticed.

Suddenly, I felt really angry at him… and it wasn't just about the fact that Peter was sniffling in the corner of the room, or that Sirius had just humiliated Daniel… it was everything! I mean, he _cheated _with Daniel's girlfriend, and yet thinks he has the right to make Helen Asteria feel like she's the scum of the earth for cheating on him?

It's those double standards that piss me off. They're here in everyday life, but Sirius is like a walking double standard and I've grown to quite despise him.

'Jones,' he said seriously. 'When have I ever treated you like I was superior to you?'

'All the fucking time!' I laughed. 'Each time you speak it's with that condescending tone- you always call me 'Jones' because you think you're too good to use my first name!'

I was really on a roll-

'You walk around saying how you 'escaped' your family but let me tell you, _Black_, you're a Black through and through. You mightn't be a blood purist, but you're the most egocentric, self-centred snob I've ever met. Just do us all a favour and get over yourself.'

'Anna,' Lily interrupted quietly.

I shut my mouth quickly as I realised just how white Sirius had become. He's pasty at the best of times… but it was like all the blood had drained from his face. His grey eyes were harder and colder than I'd ever seen them.

In a way, it sort of proved my point because he'd never looked more like his mother…

'I'm sorry you feel that way about me,' he said, his voice shaking with anger. 'I was merely concerned for your wellbeing. If I offended you, I apologise.'

And, without another word, he stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

'Anna, that was… bad,' James said quietly. 'I mean, he can go a bit too far at times but you… wow.'

And, with that, he too left. Remus gave me a sad look, and Peter merely followed them out the door.

'I…. I…'

Daniel gave me a small smile. I felt so ashamed of myself.

'I'm sure he'll get over it,' he said encouragingly. 'He never seems to pay too much attention to criticism anyway.'

At least _Daniel_ made me feel a bit better about the whole thing.

'I have to leave. I've got another class….'

Which left me with just Mary and Lily, who were both looking at me as if I were the Devil himself.

'Oh come on!' I exclaimed. 'He was shouting at Daniel and…'

'Daniel?' Lily interrupted sharply.

'I mean… Melrose,' I said quickly, blushing.

Mary pursed her lips, and I knew she knew.

'What exactly is your relationship with 'Daniel', Anna?' Lily continued, becoming more of an Authoritarian Bitch than I'd ever seen her be before.

'He's… he's my teacher,' I stammered.

Mary rolled her eyes and walked to the other side of the room. I felt sick. Not even my best friend could look at me now.

Lily continued to stare at me with those piercing green eyes of hers.

'Is that so?' she said softly. 'Because you just humiliated Sirius in front of the entire class for a teacher who could very well deal with the situation himself…. And you never seem to argue about anything….'

'Look! You there's a lot you don't understand,' I shouted, exasperated. 'And I'm not in a position to tell you. Let me just say that Sirius is nowhere near as decent as you think he is.'

'Anna, he might be wrong at times, but he's a good person,' Lily said sharply.

'See- that's it!' I exclaimed. 'You're all so blinded by his…'

'Anna,' Mary interrupted quietly. 'Just admit it- you were wrong to do that. You need to apologise to him.'

'Apologise?' I snapped. 'No fucking way…'

Lily cocked her head to one side and I shifted uncomfortably.

'Hm,' she said quietly. 'You're really not who I thought you were. Either that, or you've changed.'

And, without another word, she left the room. I'd never felt worse.

'Come on, Mary,' I whispered. 'You know the deal.. it's not…'

'No, I don't, actually,' Mary said sharply. 'You're having it off with a teacher which is not only morally wrong, but illegal. I've never been for this and yet you're still doing it to yourself. Anna, can't you see how off he is?'

I felt like I'd been slapped.

'Sirius is the one who's off!' I exclaimed. 'Not Daniel!'

Mary shook her head, smiling sadly.

'Oh Anna… I love you, you're my best friend, but I can't make you see sense on this one, can I?

I chewed my lip, feeling tears stinging my eyes.

'Mary,' I tried to reason. 'Daniel's good. He is.'

Mary shook her head sadly.

'Anna… I'd never report it, but only because I don't want you dragged into it all. I hope you realise what would happen if anyone ever found out.'

She paused.

'And I hope you'll realise soon just how wrong this is… before he breaks your heart. Because he will.'

'He won't,' I said numbly.

Mary nodded and then shrugged and left the room.

.

I've never felt so alone in my entire life. I skipped dinner and just went to bed. I was feeling tired anyway, but I just couldn't face anyone.

They're all so convinced that Sirius is the innocent one in all this… It's not fair. Only a couple of minutes before I started shouting at him, he had reduced Peter to tears when it wasn't even his fault.

Why does Sirius always get out of this scott-free?

It's not fair. Hmph.

* * *

**May 5**

**Weight: 9st 7lbs **

**Height: 5ft 5 **

**Calories: 0 (feel sick)**

**Coffees: 0**

**Sleep: 8 (couldn't sleep more if I wanted to)**

**Friends: 0**

**Boyfriend: Uncertain 1**

* * *

8am- Right. I just have to get through today… and then I can go home on the weekend. Wrote to dad and asked if I could come visit him. Who knows? Maybe Mary and Lily have at least forgiven me…

.

12noon- Was wishful thinking to suppose they'd forgiven me. Lily looked at me coldly this morning and went off with James. Mary was a bit nicer- she gave a sad smile, but she too hasn't spoken to me beyond that. I sat next to her in class, but it was awkward as hell. The Marauders haven't said anything at all and Sirius… well, he's been the worst of them all, because he's actually been polite to me!

We were somehow standing opposite each other as we were waiting to get into class. He glanced at me while talking to James and nodded politely (no grin as he usually would, but he wasn't rude either).

Then, James went in the classroom, completely ignoring me. Sirius, however, held the door for me-

'Ladies first,' he said, waiting for me.

I felt so shit. I still feel shit. Why does he have to be nice to me now?

I went to say something, but he had walked off to sit with the Marauders before I got the chance.

12.30pm- Fuck. I have to apologise. I can't take this any more. I mean, _most _of the time, he's been lovely to me… which is why it was so hard to accept that he had cheated with Daniel's girlfriend. Hell, I even thought he was kind of my friend at one point…

.

1pm- Well, if I thought I had to apologise before, I really have to apologise now. Just received this letter from dad-

.

Anna,

Sorry for the late reply, but I'm afraid I can't have you over this weekend as I'm going to Santorini for the weekend with Shirley.

Miss you!

Love, Dad.

.

Bloody hell. My own father- the one person in the world who I thought really loved and cared for me- is going to a Greek island with his new lover while I'm having the worst crisis of my life!

But how do I do this? Will he even listen? He seems to be constantly surrounded by his posse. How am I to find him alone? Usually, I'd just go to the Boy's Dorms and see if he was there… but I'm afraid of having the door opened by James who, against all odds, seems to be angrier than this entire thing than Sirius is.

Actually, of all people, Sirius seems to have taken my attack the best.

Fuck. This is tricky.

.

6pm- Just asked Mary if she had plans tonight- not because I wanted to do anything with her because I'm not sure we're at that stage yet, but because I wanted to see if she had a date with Remus. She does- apparently she, Lily and Remus and James have some double date thing at the Hogsmeade Theatre… which means Sirius should be alone this evening, right? They leave in half an hour, so will go to the Boy's Dorms then.

.

7pm- Hm. Went to the Boy's Dorms and only Peter was there. He was a bit awkward- as in, more awkward than usual- when I asked him where Sirius was. It was as though he was terrified to speak to me!

Somehow, I managed to get it out of him that Sirius has said that he was going for a drink at the Three Broomsticks….

At least it's a crowded place, right?

.

8am- Worst. Fucking. Night.

I hate Daniel. I fucking hate him so fucking much.

* * *

**May 6**

**Weight: 9st 8lbs **

**Height: 5ft 5 **

**Calories: 0 **

**Sleep: 0 hours**

**Boyfriends: 0**

**Friends: All back**

**Murderous thoughts directed at Daniel: Millions.**

* * *

10pm- At first, I wasn't going to write at all. I actually thought about chucking this stupid diary out altogether…

But I need someone to tell absolutely everything to. There's no one else I can do that with. No matter who it is, I always have to censor it to suit them.

.

Last night, I went to the Three Broomsticks, as planned. It was really packed, so it took a while for me to find Sirius. He was sitting at the bar, chatting to Rosmerta (who, quite frankly, wasn't so much as 'chatting' to him as she was baring her ample bosom at him).

When she left to take an order, I went up to Sirius and sheepishly tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, and looked surprised when he saw me.

'Jon- Anna!' he said plainly. 'Can I help you?'

I bit my lip. It was so loud and raucous. It really wasn't the best place to apologise.

'I… I need to speak to you,' I said timidly.

'What?' he shouted over the noise.

'I need to talk to you!' I shouted.

He raised an eyebrow and I could tell he probably wasn't going to budge just like that-

'I'm sorry!' I shouted, feeling very terrible indeed. 'I had no right to say what I…'

I trailed off as I saw Daniel's familiar chocolate brown hair.

Sirius looked at me, and then at whom I was looking at. His features darkened.

'Come back when you're going to apologise _properly_,' he spat, pushing past me to leave.

But then I clutched onto his arm as I saw Daniel approaching a woman from behind, pulling back her dark hair, and kissing her cheek. She turned around, her large, eyes surprised, and smiled and pulled him to her and kissed him passionately.

And, no matter how much I now wish that's how brothers and sisters greet each other, I knew that Mary had been right in what she had said about him… he was cheating on me.

With Helen Asteria.

I felt like I'd been slapped. I felt so stupid for ever even considering that someone like Daniel would take me seriously…

And then I realised everything I'd given him- all that time dreaming of him, my virginity, my love…

'Anna?'

'I'm going to be sick,' I said hoarsely, trying to keep it down as Sirius quickly led me out of the pub.

The instant we were outside, I was retching over the rosebushes and crying uncontrollably.

I felt Sirius pulling back my hair and cried even more.

'Hey, what's wrong? I'm not _that_ angry at you…'

I gulped and retched yet again.

'Did you eat something? Should I take you to Madam Pomfrey?'

I wiped my mouth and turned to face Sirius, feeling like an absolute wreck.

'He's… he's with _her_!' I cried. 'He's with… HER!'

Sirius' eyes darkened.

'I don't need to be informed of the fact that our Defence teacher is sleeping with my ex-girlfriend. I've been aware of it ever since I walked in on them while I was still with her.'

And then and there, I realised the truth. Daniel had never been cheated on- it was Sirius. Daniel had cheated with Helen, on Sirius.

'You?' I gasped. 'You were his friend?'

Sirius snorted.

'He was like the older brother or mentor I never had… and then I introduced him to Helen and, as with everyone else, he charmed her away.'

Sirius screwed up his nose as a look of realisation passed over his features.

'It was him, wasn't it? He was your mystery man.'

I couldn't hold back the sob that had been rising in my chest. Sirius pulled me to him and that's when I completely lost it- I was trembling uncontrollably and the tears spilled out like a burst pipe.

'He doesn't deserve you, Anna,' he whispered to me. 'We both deserved better.'

'I don't deserve anyone,' I cried. 'I was stupid for thinking he… oh GOD, the things I did…'

I pulled away and vomited yet again. Again, Sirius helped me up.

'Here, come with me. Let's get away from this.'

I let him lead me up the path to the Shrieking Shack. I turned to him, my eyes wide.

'Sirius… it's…'

He smiled.

'It's not haunted. That's just a rumour. It's just an empty house.'

He helped me up the stairs (my legs were shaking so much I couldn't even walk myself up a few measley stairs), and into the place.

I was surprised to see a cosy room. He sat me on the couch and set about starting a fire.

Once the fire was set, he rummaged around a cupboard.

'Aha…. Knew we had one left!'

He offered me the bottle of firewhiskey and I took it from him and swilled it down.

'Easy there,' he said, watching me warily.

I grimaced as I felt the liquid scorch my oesophagus. It was just what I needed to numb me.

I closed my eyes and slumped back into the couch.

'You must think I'm the biggest fool in the world,' I said, laughing darkly. 'I don't know what I was thinking… a teacher?'

'It was his fault, Anna,' Sirius said darkly. 'He abused his position of authority and used his charm to use you.'

I flinched at the thought.

'Sorry,' Sirius apologised.

I shook my head.

'You're right. He used me. I'm disgusting. '

Sirius sighed.

'No, you're not. You're beautiful and funny and a very refreshing and rare girl. He's the disgusting one for doing what he does.'

'You're just saying that,' I said sadly. 'How can you be so nice to me when I was so horrible to you yesterday?'

Sirius was silent for a while.

'There was some merit to what you said. Though you perhaps took it a bit far… but I myself have been known to do exactly that quite often. You just gave me a serve of my own medicine. I have to say, I didn't quite like it- especially when it came from you.'

I felt more tears pricking my eyes and, before I could try stopping myself, I launched into another crying fit.

'Shit, Anna, I'm really sorry,' he said. 'I should've told you about him- warned you about him.'

'It's not your fault!' I cried, indignant through my tears. 'How were you to know?'

'I could have told you the entire story about Helen,' he sighed. 'I can't stand seeing you like this- especially when I know exactly what it feels like.'

I looked up at Sirius.

'How do you stop feeling like this? I can't take it anymore.'

He pursed his lips and handed me the firewhiskey.

'This'll get you help you through it temporarily. Use with caution.'

I smiled weakly and took the bottle from him.

'Thanks… and I'm really, really sorry about yesterday. Daniel had fed me lies about you and…'

I sighed.

'Bottom line is that you never deserved any of that. Least of all from me. You've only ever been good to me.'

'Except for when I nearly drowned you,' Sirius added. 'Come on, Jones, don't forgive that so easily!'

I laughed and punched him weakly. I then shook my head sadly.

'I have no idea why she chose him over you. You're the best person I know.'

Sirius blushed a little, and pushed the firewhiskey bottle closer to me.

'I think you start drinking. Most people talk rubbish _after_ they've had a few drinks, but I have a sneaking suspicion the opposite applies to you.'

I sniffed and downed more of the burning liquid… and haven't stopped since.

I have a feeling my liver hates me after these past 24 hours. I don't care. It's numbed the pain brilliantly.

Thankfully, Sirius explained to everyone what happened- with expressed warnings that they're NEVER to tell anyone else of my affair with _the bastard._

They've all left me alone today, but I fear they'll want to talk tomorrow.

I don't want to talk. I just want to be left alone… excepting Sirius. He understands.

* * *

**I apologise most profusely for the long wait for this chapter. Life just got so busy that I had no time to write… but it's all much better now, so you should expect fairly regular updates from now on!**

**But I hope this chapter made up for the wait. A lot was revealed- and congratulations to those who guessed correctly about Daniel! **

**And I am aware it was a darker than the other chapters, but you can expect a return to the usual humour in the next chapter-**

'Anna, you couldn't have picked a better team to launch an assault of revenge on the Wanker. This is Captain Potty reporting for service.'

**Until then- leave me heaps and heaps of reviews in my Inbox! **

**Love, Anya**

**p.s. If you want more of me in between updates, you can follow me on Twitter, Tumblr(s) and Livejournal. The links are on my Author's Page.**


	13. Chapter 13: May 7 to 10

**May 7**

* * *

**Weight: 9st 9lb (as though getting cheated on wasn't bad enough)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: Zillions (mostly in chocolate)**

**Drinks: Thousands (understandable)**

**Murderous thoughts towards Daniel: about 1,000,000 (improving)**

**Wonderful friends: 6 (v. good)**

* * *

Today, I was woken up by Lily and Mary at the ungodly hour of noon.

'Leave me alone,' I mumbled, turning over to go back to sleep in my bed of self-pity and misery.

'No!' Mary exclaimed. 'It's Sunday, it's a beautiful day, and we're not letting you spend it in your own filth.'

I frowned and discreetly took a sniff. Mary had a point. I reeked!

'Come on,' Lily cooed coaxingly. 'We'll all go down to the Head bathrooms. We just got a new bubble bath scent I'm dying to try out.'

I quirked an eye open.

'Mmm, it sounds heavenly too,' Mary said in a voice that made it quite obvious that she was trying to talk it up. '

'Yes,' Lily continued. 'Italian jasmine, bergamont, ylang-ylang, mimosa with patchouli, white musk and vanilla…. Mmm smells divine'.

I hated to admit it, but it did. Good enough for me to sit up miserably.

'Oh Merlin,' Lily said, clicking her tongue. 'It's worse than I thought. Okay, sweetie, up you get. You're in for a day of pampering!'

I will admit that the spa was wonderful. As was the sauna and magical massaging chair…

What was _not_ wonderful, was Lily's failed attempt at waxing my legs. It brought back memories of that little waxing incident with Sirius and I had rather hoped that I would never have to remember that again.

The long-short of it is that I now have a few angry-looking boils on my legs that are really quite painful.

That aside, I returned to the common room some three hours later, much cleaner and happier than I had been leaving it. It's amazing how much one's personal cleanliness can affect one's outlook on life.

Feeling slightly positive and ready to forget Daniel altogether, I went to return to my dorm. Unfortunately, the Marauders had other plans for me.

'Grab her,' James ordered Remus and Peter.

Before I knew what was happening, I had been abducted to the Boys' Dorms by the Maraduers. To my dismay, Lily and Mary didn't object but encouraged the abduction!

After my kicking and screaming, they finally set me down on a chair in the middle of their dorm. I felt quite vulnerable, as they me surrounded me with looks of pity and kindness. I noticed that Sirius was not present.

'Anna,' James said, showing elements of Lily's Authoritarian Bitch side, 'we know what happened and we want you to know that we love you.'

'And that you shouldn't feel ashamed or upset,' Remus added. 'He should never have even considered approaching you. It was illegal and wrong of him.'

'Having said that,' James continued, 'we don't think it would be in your best interests to report him.'

Lily made a noise of disagreement.

'There's no way I'm going to do that!' I exclaimed. 'I don't want the whole world knowing!'

'Precisely,' Remus said. 'Don't worry, Lily. He's not going to get away with this.'

I looked to Remus.

'What do you mean?' I frowned. 'What are you planning?'

James grinned.

'My dear, you couldn't have enlisted a better team to launch an assault of revenge against the Wanker. This is Captain Potty reporting for service, but we are going to make his life a living hell.'

I sighed.

'Look- thanks, but no thanks. I just want to put this behind me. I've got NEWTs coming up and would rather focus on those as opposed to exercising all my efforts on getting revenge on Daniel.'

'Told you!' Lily huffed.

James shrugged.

'You don't need to do _anything_, Anna. Except… for pretend as though you don't know.'

I frowned.

'Don't know what?'

'That he was having it off with Helen at the same time.'

My eyes widened.

'You expect me to carry on seeing him?'

'Course not!' Remus exclaimed. 'We just don't want you to break it off with him… yet. Just make excuses for not being able to see him. We won't allow it so that you're ever left alone with him anyway, so you'll be perfectly safe.'

'Come on guys,' I sighed. 'Let's just forget this…'

'No way!' James asserted. 'We're not letting him get away with this. Teacher or not, no one messes our Anna up as he did!'

I don't know what it was about what he had just said, but I couldn't help it- I suddenly burst out into tears. It was embarrassing as hell, but they're all so lovely that they just hugged me and made me feel even more loved.

I'm so ashamed to think that, only the other day, I took Daniel's side against all of them. They're the best friends in the world. I'm so grateful for them.

And, being quite honest, I'm rather looking forward to what they have in store for Daniel. I hope it's painful and involves destruction of his man parts. Maybe they're going to castrate him?

Hmm mustn't get too hopeful…

* * *

**May 8**

**Weight: 9st 8lb (Mmm)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 1000 (back on track. V good!)**

**Drinks: 0 (excellent)**

**Vegetable juices: 3 (v. good and healthy. Nourishing my body!)**

**Murderous thoughts towards Daniel: about 500,000 (v. good!)**

**Hours spent thinking about Sirius: 2**

* * *

10am- Today am starting a new diet. It involves drinking a specific juice called 'The Ugly Juice'….

But don't be deceived by the name. It might look and taste funky, but it's going to make me beautiful (inside and out!)

Here is the recipe-

Juice ½ beetroot, 1 carrot, 1 apple, 2 sticks celery and a little bit of ginger to taste.

I actually really like it! Going to only drink this juice for the next couple of days. Should detox myself of all things harmful- including Daniel.

12 noon- Really hungry. Lunch is shepherd's pie and it smells fab… might just have a little taste?

12.01pm- No! Must be strong!

12.02pm- Fuck me… it smells AMAZING!

12.05pm- Right. Is unrealistic of me to expect that I'll change my unhealthy diet suddenly. Going to have a small piece…

12.10pm- NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Sirius just took the last piece…. Why the fuck does he need to eat so much?

12.11pm- Seriously considering asking him if he's planning to eat it all…

12.15pm- Sod this. Going to make another juice.

12.40pm- Gah. Everyone stared at me with my measly juice and then Lily asked what I was drinking. I explained and they all groaned and said it sounded disgusting.

THEN, James Sodding Potter reached over and took a sip and ACTUALLY VOMITED all over his plate.

Honestly, it's not THAT bad! Not to mention the fact that I could have eaten the rest of his shepherds pie. He ruined it and wasted it with his vomit. V annoyed.

.

6pm- Right. Am not going to be indecisive this dinner. Am allowing myself to a small helping of roast lamb and potatoes plus a side of green salad. Must hurry because I'll be damned if Sirius finishes it all off before I get to it!

6.30pm- Grr… Horace just stopped me and now there's a group of skinny 4th years blocking the doorway to the Great Hall. Am considering using an Unforgivable to blast them out of the way…

.

7.00pm- NOOOOO ALL The SODDING MEAT WAS GONE BY THE TIME ARRIVED. All that was left was a massive bowl of green salad (which no one had touched). Sod this. I hate salad. Always.

WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME?

How am I meant to study on an empty stomach? Feeling very tempted to summon James' VERY HEAPED plate to me and steal his meat. Might just do that…

.

7.01pm- Hmph. Apparently he put a sticking charm to the bottom of his plate. Seems like the Marauders make it a game of stealing each other's food… hmm, Peter probably isn't good enough to put a sticking charm on his plate…

.

8pm- Why do I always end up in the 'intervention chair' of the Common Room? (That's right. So many interventions have been held regarding my behaviour that there's now an 'intervention chair'. Brr)

As predicted, Peter did _not_ have a sticking charm on his plate… which meant that I was able to summon his plate to me and scarf down as much roast lamb as I could in the few seconds it took for everyone to realise exactly what I'd just done.

'Anna,' James said, heavily, 'What's going on?'

'Sirius stole the shepherd's pie at lunch!' I exclaimed. 'I'm starving! I haven't eaten anything aside from those few little morsels I managed to steal from Peter!'

'Anna,' Remus sighed. 'Why didn't you put any food on your plate?'

'Because,' I seethed, 'I was held up in arriving to dinner! Why are you all so greedy? You don't have to pile your plates up to the ceiling! Why can't you eat _normal_ portions?'

'We have to have a lot of protein,' James replied. 'For quidditch.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Well you might be more considerate of the fact that others want to eat too.'

'Merlin, Anna, why don't you just go the kitchens?'

I bit my lip. I'd totally forgotten about the kitchens. Seems like the lack of food had addled with my ability to grasp basic concepts of common sense.

'Oh…' I said, looking down at my hands. 'Sorry… for stealing your food, Peter.'

'That's okay,' he shrugged. 'It was my third helping anyway.'

My head snapped up.

'Third helping!' I all but shouted. 'You're not even _in _the quidditch team! No wonder there's never any food left over on our table!'

'I get hungry often,' Peter shrugged. 'And I can't sleep if I'm not full.'

I rolled my eyes.

'As much as I'd love to chat and hear excuses for your collective greediness,' I snapped at the boys, 'I'm starving, so I'm just going to pop off to the kitchens.'

Shaking my head at them, I headed off for the kitchens. As I arrived, I was surprised to see Sirius leaving them.

'Sirius!'

He looked shocked to see me.

'Oh… hi,' he said, looking down. 'I was just…. I missed dinner.'

I shrugged.

'So did I. Peter ate all the food.'

'Yeah, he's a greedy little rat sometimes,' he said. 'You need to make sure you get in there quick.'

'Lesson learned,' I grinned. 'Want to keep me company?'

Sirius hesitated, and I noticed he still wouldn't look at me. Had I done something wrong?

'Um… I've got to meet someone. Sorry.'

I blushed, feeling pretty humiliated and rejected.

'Oh… that's fine. Well, have fun!'

He shrugged and simply walked off.

Against all odds, that little meeting with him made me completely lose my appetite. Upset, I walked back to the common room.

And now that I replay that meeting over and over again, I can't help but feeling he really was trying to ignore me.

But why? He was so lovely to me the night we caught Daniel. Is he maybe still angry about my outburst? I thought we were past all that.

V confused. Or maybe he was simply late to meet someone. Maybe I'm just overthinking this… Will speak to him tomorrow and see if things are different.

Good plan.

* * *

**May 10**

**Weight: 9st 7lb (Detox effective!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 3000 (carrot cake is delicious)**

**Drinks: 0 (excellent)**

**Vegetable juices: 0 (finished with the concept of living off something called an 'ugly juice')**

* * *

8am- Merlin, food is _heavenly! _Woke up today with a letter from dad that came with a package. At first was hopeful that it was perfume or some sort of present, but it was a carrot cake that Shirley had baked for me.

As dubious as I am of Dad's 'Shirley'…. I love her cooking! This is the most amazing cake ever!

.

8.10am- Whoops. I ate it all… no food for the rest of the day.

8.30am- But breakfast looks so delicious! Bacon, sausages, eggs, hash browns, black pudding… Mmmm!

.

9am- Right. Ate a massive breakfast… but won't eat any more for today. Ugh, have DADA later on. As though I needed an incentive for comfort eating…

.

12noon- Lunch time, but will be strong. Will not eat any lunch. I won't…

.

12.10pm- But fuck me, those Cornish pasties look well tasty…

.

12.11pm- Going to eat. Need energy to deal with DADA later today. Life's too short to starve myself.

.

12.55pm- Fuck. It's time for DADA… don't want to go. I'm really worried that I'll just break down in tears as soon as I see Daniel and start sobbing uncontrollably. Don't want to have to see him ever again. I'm sure, if I don't, I'll be okay about it one day…

But to sit through class and actually listen to him and his teaching? The thought makes my stomach turn… and I've eaten quite a bit today. Right, Lily's calling me to go. Here goes nothing…

.

9pm- Somehow, that ended up being the best DADA class I've ever had and I have the Marauders to thank for that!

I entered class and the wanker Daniel winked at me. Lily, thankfully, had my arm so she just pulled me to my seat at the side of the room with her. As she did, I noticed that there was a clear vial hovering above Daniel's glass of water on his desk. I watched as the vial turned so that its contents were poured into Daniel's glass.

I then turned to the Marauders to see that Remus was moving his wand under his desk, his eyes fixed on the vial with intense concentration.

I was so touched that Remus- goody two shoes and closet homosexual who would never harm a fly- was breaking the rules… for me.

Already, I felt so much better.

Once everyone was settled (and the vial had been shifted to the bin), Daniel went to the front of the class and started lecturing us on our upcoming NEWTs. I held my breath as he paused and took a long drink of water.

I think looked to the Marauders and they looked as though were trying everything they could to _not_ laugh.

Daniel then placed the empty glass on the table and carried on speaking. I frowned, disappointed. I then looked to the Marauders- all of whom (except for Sirius, who seemed completely unaware of what was going on)- and their eyes were starting to glass over with tears of laughter.

And then… I heard it.

Daniel's stomach rumbled loudly, and angrily.

The class fell silent and everyone stared at him. He tugged at his hair, his face beet red.

'Anyway,' he continued loudly. 'Your exam will comprise…'

His stomach gave another angry growl and we all watched, in a mixture of horror and pure amusement as he suddenly clutched at his stomach as it gave a really long and angry gurgle. I'm not sure, but I'm pretty certain I heard him expel wind as he ran from the classroom desperately, shouting 'class dismissed'.

As soon as the door had shut, the entire class erupted into shrieks of laughter. It was funny… but I couldn't help feeling a little sad.

It was all very well to exact revenge on Daniel, but it didn't change the fact that he used me, and cheated on me. Feel sick. Going to lie down… and probably cry a little. Hope Mary or Lily won't be in our dorm. I just need to be alone.

* * *

**May 12**

**Weight: 9st 8lb (Mmm)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 1000 (back on track. V good!)**

**Drinks: 0 (excellent)**

**Vegetable juices: 3 (v. good and healthy. Nourishing my body!)**

**Murderous thoughts towards Daniel: about 500,000 (v. good!)**

**Hours spent thinking about Sirius: 2**

**Natural talents: 1**

* * *

10pm- Oh my sweet Circe, I am a NATURAL at something! This is so exciting. I've never been talented at anything before… well, unless you call fucking up your life a talent, then I'm a bloody pro…

But I am actually talented at something real. Something proper.

Well… again, that's open to interpretation. Lily thinks it's a bunch of codswallop but, just quietly, I think she's a bit jealous that I was noticed and she wasn't.

.

We were all in Divination today. I was partnered with Mary. No one takes Divination seriously, not even Lily who was reading James' tea leaves-

'You're going to get married at 20.'

James turned beet red.

'You're lying! Lily, this isn't fun…'

'And have ten children.'

James' eyes widened.

'You want ten children?' he croaked.

Lily blinked.

'You want to marry me?'

They both stared at each other until Sirius sprung up and put his arms around their shoulders.

'I think you both should know,' he said, very solemnly, 'that Moony just read in his leaves that Lily was going to leave you, Prongs, mid-way through your marriage to become a Power lesbian.'

Lily slapped Sirius and he howled.

'Ouch! Gosh, Evans, that _hurt!_'

'It was _meant_ to hurt!' she snapped. 'Must you barge in on every aspect of our relationship?'

'Now, now, Lily,' James said tentatively. 'We weren't being _serious_ about marriage at 20 and having 10 kids… we were _joking_… right?'

Lily blinked, looking hurt.

'So you're just like the rest of them!' she snapped, gathering her books. 'You don't want me for anything other than shagging. Well, just so everyone here is clear on something, James and I have _never_ shagged and never will.'

The entire class went silent, until Sirius let out a snort of laughter.

'You… you haven't shagged her yet? No wonder you can't play quidditch properly! You must have the worst case of blue balls in the history of mankind!'

At this point, James chucked his very heavy Potions book at Sirius, and he whimpered. He then got up and also began gathering his books.

'I agree, Evans,' he said, mock-hurt. 'He's a good-for-nothing. He's only been using me all these years because I'm the one who gets the subscription to PlayWitch. Prongs, consider us broken up. And _don't_ think you can get out of this one with a boom-box and power ballad because that only works once!'

At which point he stormed out of the classroom, followed by Lily.

We all stared at James.

'Boom box,' I said. 'Really?'

James rolled his eyes.

'Sirius is a huge drama queen, in case you haven't noticed. He's also a moody and hyper-sensitive bugger. He needs grand gestures to feel loved.'

Mary scooted over to James.

'So,' she whispered, grinning. 'What did you two break up about?'

James blushed.

'Nothing. And stop referring to it as a 'break up'. It was just a silly argument…'

'About…' Mary pressed.

'A while ago, James stole a picture of Sirius' girlfriend and Sirius caught him…'

We all raised our eyebrows and Remus did a hand movement… and then we all groaned.

'Oh NO!' Mary cried. 'Please tell me you didn't wank over your friend's girlfriend!'

James clenched his fists.

'Look… they had broken up at that point, and I couldn't find PlayWitch. And none of you are to tell Lily.'

We shook our heads.

'Mate, I'm surprised you haven't wiped everyone's memory of that event,' I said seriously. 'That's…. bad.'

'Boom-box bad,' Mary giggled.

James threw up his hands in despair and we all laughed.

'Miss Jones,' Professor Meleta interrupted. 'You have your NEWTs coming up. Please, show me your reading of Mary's tea leaves.'

I cleared my throat, ready to do my best bullshitting.

'Oh dear,' I said, looking at Mary's leaves.

'What is it, my child?' Professor Meleta pressed, looking intrigued.

'Yeah,' Mary said, looking annoyed. 'What?'

'I see a broken marriage.'

'Hey!' Mary protested.

Professor Meleta grabbed the cup from me and nodded vigorously.

'Why of course…. So subtly hidden, yet now that you point it out it's so obvious,' she whispered. 'Do go on child.'

I cleared my throat.

'I see… lost jobs. Lost beauty… and… and a broken heart.'

Meleta gazed at the cup, and then at me, in wonder.

'My child, I never saw this gift in you prior to today. You…. You are the most gifted student I have ever taught.'

Mary snorted and I tried not to laugh, myself.

'Anna,' Meleta continued. 'I have a very talented friend. I would like for her to examine you and your abilities further. It may very well be that you are the future of Divination…. Why, you may be a Seer.'

.

I've been receiving a lot of shit from everyone about it since class.

James actually did get a boom box out and got Sirius to forgive him (even though we could all see it was a joke). Then Lily got mad because he asked for Sirius' forgiveness first…. Which means that she's now genuinely angry with him.

I have a 'Seer Test' tomorrow. It's a bit nerve-wracking to be honest! I felt I was bullshitting… but maybe I wasn't?

Maybe I truly do possess a talent for divination?

* * *

**A/N: Well it seems the FF easter bunny as arrived with not virtual eggs, but a new AJD chapter! **

**The link to my OFFICIAL author's website is on my Author's Page. Do check it out. You can also see the front cover of my novel, Stained Glass, and read the blurb there. It's just gone to print so should be available VERY SOON!**

**Next chapter-**

'_This is Anna Jones, soon to be self-made celebrity extraordinaire! That's right- I'm going to be FAMOUS! In the future they'll say 'Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly… Anna Jones. Hmm, mustn't become smug. Nothing worse than a Smug Celebrity. Almost worse than a Smug Couple'._

**Please leave me a review!**

**Love, Anya**


	14. Chapter 14: May 13 to 24

**May 13**

* * *

**Weight: 9st 7lb (excellent progress!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (not so excellent)**

**Calories: 1500 (could be less, but could also be worse)**

**Drinks: 10 (Bad, but celebratory)**

**Vegetable juices: 5 (Tomato juice in Bloody Marys)**

**Natural talents: 1 **

**Natural talents confirmed: 1**

**Celebrity status: Pending**

* * *

10am- Going to meet Meleta at 10.30. Am v nervous for this 'Seer Test'. What will they do to me?

10.10am- Hmph. Potterhead just said they're going to put me on a stretching rack and cut me open to see if I possess an internal 'eye'. Lily hexed him before I had the chance to.

10.20am- Even more annoyed. Peter just launched a ball of goo at me and it hit me squarely in the face. Everyone laughed and said I mustn't be a real Seer because I would have seen that coming. Hmph. Hmph. Hmph. Am leaving these sods who call themselves 'friends'. They're just jealous of my natural talent. Hmph.

10.30am- Just arrived at Meleta's office to see a note-

_Dear Anna,_

_I am sorry to do this, but we'll have to postpone your assessment until 11am. My friend, Ms Gundula Fritz is running late due to unforeseen circumstances._

.

Should I be dubious about this? Unforseen circumstances? They're bloody Seers… nothing should be 'unforseen'. Why, they should already _know_ whether I have talent or not!

.

8pm- It was brilliant! So much happened, I'm so excited! When they finally arrived- at 11.30, I might add- this Gundula woman (a brilliant old woman with bright purple hair, enormous diamante spectacles and the most amazing glitterball robes I've ever seen) took a single glance at me and nodded to Meleta sagely. She then opened her mouth and spoke in her heavy Austrian accent-

'Yes. Yes, she possesses an Innner Eye. She is a true Seer.'

Meleta clapped her hands proudly and beamed at me.

'Anna, it has been confirmed. I wrote to another friend who is a journalist. Her name is Lita Skeeter. How would you feel about doing an interview with her? Why, you are the youngest Seer to have ever been discovered!'

It was like a dream come true! Me, a seer… at such a young age… and now I'm being INTERVIEWED!

I'M FINALLY GOING TO BE FAMOUS! AND, THIS TIME, IT'S ALL FOR THE RIGHT REASONS!

I happily accepted their request and sprinted all the way to History of Magic, burst into the room and shouted- 'I am Confirmed!'

Everyone turned and stared at me. Then Remus turned around and said-

'But surely, as a 'Seer' you already knew they would confirm your status as a Seer?'

I crossed my arms stroppily.

'Now that Miss Jones has decided to join the class, may we continue?' Professor Binns droned.

Everyone shrugged and he carried on lecturing on something I can't remember.

'What's going to happen now, then?' Mary whispered.

I pursed my lips.

'I don't know the entire future!' I snapped. 'I just seem to have a flair for reading tea leaves.'

'And bullshitting,' Lily interjected.

I looked down, hurt. While a part of me honestly knows this is all a load of rubbish, it's still nice to be recognised as being good at _something_- even if it is the art of bullshitting!

Lily sighed.

'Sorry, Anna. I didn't mean it like that,' she said kindly. 'I'm happy for you.'

I pursed my lips. It's hard to be angry with Lily for long. It's her bloody green eyes. They're so honest.

'Fine,' I said stiffly. 'I've got an interview tomorrow with a reporter, actually,' I added.

Mary perked up.

'A reporter? For what?'

'For the Daily Prophet!' I said excitedly. 'Her name is Lita Skeeter.'

Lily gasped.

'No! No! You can't! She'll tear you to shreds! I've never seen her write one nice word about anyone!'

I blanched.

'Fuck, Anna,' Mary said. 'She's horrible! You can't do it! She'll ridicule you.'

And, suddenly, I could see it. Of _course_ it would be that way- ending up in my ridicule. Except this time, it would be for the entire wizarding world to read.

'Oh shit…' I muttered.

'Don't tell me you've never heard of her!' Lily said. 'She's infamous.'

I bit my lip.

'What can I do?' I asked desperately. 'I can't cancel it now!'

Lily and Mary looked to each other, and then at the boys.

I shook my head.

'No. No way. I'm not involving them. They'll hold this over me for the rest of my…'

'Anna,' Lily said seriously. 'This is going to get printed in the Daily Prophet. It's not going to be something that only Hogwarts knows about. The _entire_ _world_ will know about it, and it'll be forever there- in the archives. Why, even your future jobs might be affected!'

I tugged at my hair. This was turning from bad to worse.

'Maybe…' I said slowly. 'We can get the boys to follow her before-hand, and they can do something to her and then tell me about it- and then afterwards, they can do something to her as well, and I'll be aware of that prank and I'll tell her it in a 'prophecy-like format'?

Lily and Mary looked at me, surprised.

'What?'

'You've been spending too much time with Sirius,' Lily grinned. 'You're getting quite good at this now! That's a brilliant idea!'

I smiled, happy to receive credit for brilliance for a change.

Speaking of Sirius, he seems so distant from me these days. He had no role in the Daniel prank and we never run into each other. I can't help feeling it's not just a coincidence.

Maybe he's gone off me completely. I think he can't bear to look at me knowing I was stupid enough to be with Daniel.

Fucking Daniel. Why couldn't I be a Seer when it came to him? Then again, perhaps I always knew but was so desperate to have someone want me that I went along with it anyway. I can't help thinking that's the real reason why this all happened to me.

It's my fault. I brought it all on myself.

Anyway. Must be off. Going to the Boys' dorms to plan tomorrow. Mary's fixing the Bloody Marys for it. Hmm, I wonder if Sirius will be there…

* * *

**May 14**

**Weight: 9st 6lb (Must be the stress of the interview!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 0 (too nervous to eat!)**

**Natural talents confirmed: 1**

**Celebrity status: Pending**

**Interviews: 1**

* * *

10am- Right. Boys have agreed to their part of this- provided I make them 'infamous' when I've achieved my own celebrity status.

They're going to set fire to her on her way out of the school and I'm going to tell her as she leaves 'beware of the flame'. Oh Merlin, this had better work. Otherwise, I'm going to look like a first class moron to the entire wizarding world…. Fuck, I'm so, so nervous!

.

10.30am- Trembling. Lily is considering giving me an anxiety tonic. Mary says we should ditch the tonic and get me drunk as I am most prophetic when pissed. I'm inclined to agree with Mary.

.

10.45am- Aghshhsshh martini yummm

.

11am- Thank goodness Lily had the sense to give me a sobering tonic. I was so shit-faced it's not even funny. Oh crap, the interview's in 15 mins. Aghhhh

.

12noon- Okay. Okay. Okay. I hope it went well. She had this quill that wrote on its own accord as she questioned me. It seems like it took a bit of license with my responses because it seemed to write lengthy responses when I gave one-worded responses.

She seemed very dubious of my Seer status and I almost forgot to tell her the flame thing until she opened the door to leave. And, even then, I said it in such a plain, un-mystical voice I know she wasn't fooled.

Merlin, I hope those boys pulled their end of this prank, otherwise I'd better get drinking again… and never stop. I think I'll just drink myself to death. That way, I'll never sober up to realise the entire wizarding world thinks I'm a complete idiot.

12.20pm- Oh Merlin, it gets worse. They couldn't see her. They seemed really confused about this, because they said she was there on some map (what were they on about? Maybe they were high… if so, I'll kill them!), but they couldn't see her.

Oh crap. It's started. Okay, only thing to do is drink. Mary, the good girl she is, has already started fixing my first drink. Lily's muttering something about NEWTs but I don't care. No one's going to hire me anyway after that article comes out.

I'm already destitute. I can't believe this.

* * *

**May 19**

**Weight: 9st 6lb**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Hangover: Massive**

**Natural talents confirmed: 1**

**Celebrity status: Confirmed!**

**Interviews requests: Hundreds! **

**Managers: 1**

* * *

This is Anna Jones, soon to be self-made celebrity extraordinaire! That's right- I'm going to be FAMOUS! In the future they'll say 'Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly… Anna Jones. Hmm, mustn't become smug. Nothing worse than a Smug Celebrity. Almost worse than a Smug Couple….

.

So today, after a few days of horrible waiting, the Daily Prophet _finally_ arrived while I was in bed- or, rather, Mary's bed- nursing the worst hangover of my existence.

I was woken up by a piercing scream.

'Shuddup,' Mary groaned.

I turned over.

'Anna, wake up! Wake up!' Lily squealed. 'The article came out. It's brilliant!'

I shuddered, feeling a wave of nausea overcoming me, and leaned over the bed, vomiting all over the carpet.

'Ugh! Anna!' Lily snapped.

'Not my fault,' I mumbled.

'I think you'll find it is,' she snapped. 'After all, it was _your _decision to drink so much last night.'

I rubbed my head and looked around for a wand. Clicking her tongue, Lily pulled her own wand out and, in an instant, the carpet was clean again.

'Well?' I muttered. 'What did she say?'

Lily grinned and thrust the paper at me. I still felt pretty sick and, seeing all those tiny black letters and the moving photographs only brought the nausea back.

'Summarise,' I said, handing Lily back the paper.

Lily rolled her eyes.

'Basically, she said you're the first true Seer she's ever spoken to. Apparently your advice of 'beware the flame' was applied to her personal life where an ex-lover of hers turned up at her house… '

'Yeah, but how does that help her?' I frowned.

Lily looked confused as she thought about it. Then, suddenly, an owl flew in and dropped a letter on my lap. I recognised the green ink- it was from Lita Skeeter.

'What does it say?' Lily said, inching closer.

I cleared my throat and read the letter, which I'll just paste here (save me re-writing it!):

_._

_Dear Anna,_

_It is very rare that I ever write a glowing article about someone, but I truly believe that you have a very special gift that deserves recognition._

_I must admit that I thought you were yet another fraud when I was asked to interview you. Upon your advice, however, I am inclined to believe that you are, so to say, the 'real deal'. _

_I am aware of your impending NEWTs. Once you are done with school in a few months, I would like to invite you to visit my office so we can discuss job opportunities for you. The Daily Prophet has been in need of a good Seer to replace the ageing prophecy columnist Aphrodite Stargazer, and I think you might just be the person for the job._

_Yours truly,_

_Lita Skeeter._

.

Can I just say- MERLIN'S BALLS! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me! I now have a job fresh out of school- regardless of what grades I get on my NEWTs!

But it doesn't stop there! Oh no. Now I have journalists from various other papers seeking an interview with me… which means, yes, I am famous.

Famous!

I've arranged for an 'interview' day on Saturday. James said he would be my manager. Hehe this is so exciting!

Hmm, I had better go speak to James about my 'interview' plan…

* * *

**May 23**

**Weight: 9st 5lb**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 250 (it hurts!)**

**Exercise: 3 hours**

**Celebrity status: Still intact **

**Managers: 1 **

* * *

10pm. I'm going to cry. I'm actually going to burst out into tears. James Potter is a horrible, horrible boy. If I hadn't signed the binding contract for him to be my manager and do as he says, I would have fired him already.

These has been the worst few days of my life. The other night, when I went to see him, he was very rude and blunt with me. To make me hate him even more, he was wearing some flash bright blue dress robes and a gold chain around his neck-

'Anna,' he said, chewing on a cigar and sipping firewhisky. 'I can't be your friend anymore. I'm your manager- which means I'm going to say some things that friends usually don't say to each other.'

From the other side of the Boys' Dorm, Remus snorted.

'What managerial experience do you have, James?'

James put a silencing charm around his bed.

'That's better. Now listen, Jones. I've led the Gryffindor quidditch team to victory time and time again, I top the year frequently, I'm popular and have the best-looking girl in the year after me.'

I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he held up a hand to silence me.

'If there's one thing I'm good at,' he said smoothly, 'It's been successful.'

I glowered at him, already regretting the decision to employ him as my manager.

'Now, Jones,' he said, getting up and puffing on his cigar. 'There's no nice way of saying this- you're too fat.'

I stared at him in shock. It's one thing for me to know that, and another for a male friend of mine to confirm it.

'Now, if you weren't trying to be famous, I'd say you were fine. Us boys like a girl with a bit of meat on her.'

He puffed again on the cigar, but then spluttered a little. After washing it down with more firewhiskey, he took a deep breath-

'We need you to be skeletal, but toned. You're not just a seer- you're going to be a _hot_ one. One that fashion labels send their designs to so you can be snapped by the paparazzi wearing their clothes. One that has bikini photoshoots, with spreads in PlayWitch and…

I spluttered.

'I don't think so…'

'Anna,' he said seriously. 'It's a cut throat industry. You won't get anywhere by being nice.'

I stared at James, wondering what had become of my friend. He then clapped his hands.

'Right. Up you get. You've got interviews in a few days which only gives us a short amount of time to get you into reasonable shape. Go to your dorm and change into exercise clothes.'

I stared at him, confused.

'James, it's 11 pm!'

He shook his head.

'Time is irrelevant! I want you in the common room, ready for a work out in 5 mniutes,' he barked. 'Now scoot!'

So, for the past few days I've had my every move watched by Potter's hawk eyes. He won't let me eat anything without his approval- and there isn't much he approves. He forces me to run _everywhere_ and won't ever let me sit down. If we study, he quizzes me while getting me to do sit ups.

I'm at my wit's end. I don't know how much more I can take of this.

* * *

**May 24**

**Weight: 9st 4lb**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2500 (beautiful!)**

**Exercise: 2 hours**

**Celebrity status: Doubtful**

**Hair: Gone**

**Managers: 0 (Hurrah!)**

* * *

So remember when I said I signed a binding contract stating I'd do whatever James ordered me to do? Well, now I'm bald and it is doubtful my hair will grow back for at least a week or so, according to Madame Pomfrey. You see, these binding contracts are binding in that, if you break them, something rather unpleasant usually happens.

If you think I sound a little apathetic to the fact I've lost my hair- you're right. I'll take food and no hair ANY DAY over having hair, starving, and keeping James as my manager.

So how did I break the contract?

Well earlier in the evening, James decided to forgo his managerial duties to go on a date with Lily. Not kind enough to give me the evening off, James asked Sirius to take his place in training me for the evening. I have to admit I was a little surprised when I saw Sirius waiting for me in the common room, and worried that he might possibly be worse than James. Thankfully, he wasn't.

We were walking to the quidditch pitch when he stopped and shook his head at me.

'You look ridiculous.'

I was so hungry and exhausted at that point that his comment sent me into great wracking sobs.

'Hey! Hey, don't cry,' he said quickly, looking confused as to why I was so upset. 'I didn't mean it in a bad way… Oh bollocks, sit down here…'

He led me to one of the ledges and sat me down. Gradually, I calmed down a little.

'I meant you look really tired and pale. You need to eat something. Whatever James is doing- it's bad!'

I nodded miserably and- right on cue- my stomach gave an angry growl.

Sirius laughed.

'Come on, let's get you some food.'

And, I was so miserable and fragile at that point that it never occurred to me that I might be breaking my contract.

.

Sirius laughed as he watched me stuffing everything I could down my gullet.

'Go easy,' he smirked. 'You don't want to make yourself sick.'

I shook my head, biting into a chicken leg.

'James is a bastard. Dictator. Evil.'

Sirius laughed.

'Yeah, I think he took his role as manager a bit too seriously. Honestly, though, don't do it to yourself. You look lovely. If anything, the world needs a new and young celebrity with a real body.'

I blushed.

'Really?'

He nodded, smiling at me.

'You bet. Don't change at all. You're lovely- just the way you are.'

I couldn't help but launching myself at him. I hugged him tightly.

'Thanks Sirius,' I mumbled. 'You're the best.'

He patted my head awkwardly.

'Shit!'

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, to see him holding a chunk of my hair.

We stared at each other.

'What…'

I touched my head and, suddenly, all my hair fell to the ground in chunks. I screamed.

'Look, it's… why did this happen? Just… shush!'

I stopped screaming and began hyperventilating.

'Shit, okay, let's go to Madame Pomfrey. She'll sort you out… come on!'

It was at the Hospital Wing that Madame Pomfrey made me realise I had lost my hair due to my 'binding contract' with James. Speaking of, he wasn't too happy when he found out-

He paced the common room, shooting glares at Sirius and I where we were seated on the couch.

'Unbelievably irresponsible! Staggeringly immature!'

'Staggeringly, staggering!' Peter piped up.

I glared at Peter, who whimpered a little and shut up.

James then walked up to Sirius and I and pointed a threatening finger.

'Who will want to interview you now? Look at you!'

'Hey!' Sirius snapped. 'She's still beautiful.' (I love him! I love him!)

James rolled his eyes.

'Stop being nice, Sirius. This is the media we're talking about. I knew I should never have trusted you with her…'

'Hey!' I protested. 'I'm here, you know. I'm not some inanimate object…'

James shook his head and threw up his arms.

'I give up.'

'Good,' I snapped sourly. 'I was going to fire you anyway.'

James pursed his lips.

'After everything, this is how you repay me? Come on Wormtail, let's leave these two. She can ask for _Sirius'_ advice. After all, where has he gotten her so far? He's let her binge, and helped her lose her hair. She'll be crawling back to me in no time. Mark my words.'

Peter nodded dutifully at James' words as he followed James up to the Boys' Dorms.

I sighed and lay back on the couch.

'He's got a point,' I said. 'No one will want to know about me.'

Sirius clicked his tongue.

'Don't be ridiculous! You should make your newfound baldness a fashion statement.'

I raised my eyebrows.

'Fashion statement?'

'Sure,' he said. 'Wear big earrings and glamorous silk scarves around your head… I've noticed some muggle women doing it.'

And then it clicked in my mind- Grace Kelly.

I sat up suddenly.

'You're onto something,' I whispered excitedly. 'But how did you know about muggle women doing it?'

Sirius shrugged.

'I have an interest in fashion.'

I ogled at him.

'Sirius,' I said, suddenly. 'Are you sure you're not gay?'

'Come now, Jones,' he said lightly. 'We've snogged enough times for you to be able to make a discerning decision.'

I frowned.

'No,' I mused. 'The best kiss I ever had was from a gay guy. We were both drunk and decided it would be fun. Boy do I wish he was straight!'

Sirius shot me a funny look.

'Well I'm not. One doesn't have to be gayto appreciate fashion.'

I shrugged. It then occurred to me that he and I hadn't really spoken properly for a while.

'So… are we okay? We haven't exactly spoken much lately.'

He sighed.

'Yeah, that's my fault. Sorry. Seeing you go through that brought back painful memories. I know I should have been there for you more but…'

'It's okay,' I interrupted. 'I get it.'

We smiled at each other awkwardly, and then I lay back down and laughed.

'What?' he said, puzzled.

'Merlin, I'm actually bald, aren't I?'

Sirius laughed.

'Yeah, you are. Somehow, it doesn't surprise me at all.'

I laughed.

'I know. It's just so typical of me, isn't it? For absolutely everything in my life to go wrong!'

Sirius smiled at me, and I actually felt my heart fluttering. He really is very fit…

'A lot goes wrong, and yet you're one of the nicest people I've ever met. Don't change for anybody, ever, Jones.'

'Why?' I challenged, 'So that you'll never have to live without your daily fix of 'what's Anna gone and done today?'

He laughed and nodded.

'Yeah, that too.'

We sat in silence for a while.

'Well, I still have those interviews on Saturday. Would you mind going shopping with me tomorrow and helping me pick out an outfit? One that will somehow compensate for the lack of hair?'

He grinned at me.

'It would be my pleasure.'

* * *

**Next chapter:**

'_Oh Anna, you sly thing. Why did you never tell us you and Sirius were seeing each other?'_

**P.S If you've seen 'Wild Target', you'll see I put a little quote from the film in this chapter. **_  
_


	15. Chapter 15: May 25 to 29

**May 25**

**Weight: 9st 6lb**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: Don't know, and don't want to know!**

**Hair: Still gone**

**New outfits: 2**

**New crushes: 1 (though have always had a crush on Sirius so… not sure if this qualifies as being 'new')**

**Managers: 0 (Hurrah!)**

* * *

9.55am- Never thought I'd be excited to be bald. Can't wait for shopping date with Sirius!

.

9.56- Note to self: MUST stop calling platonic shopping spree a date.

.

9.57am- Maybe we'll end up snogging in the shrieking shack?

.

9.58am- NO! Must stop having such fantasies. Right. Am off to meet Sirius now. Wish me luck… Oh wait, it's bad luck to say that phrase… oh sod this. He's calling me now. I must say, he has a lovely voice…

.

9.59am- Okay, okay! Am off now! Bye!

.

9pm- What a day! Oh my giddy aunt it was…. Strange.

The day started off normally enough. Sirius and I had the first two periods of the day off, so we went off to Hogsmeade. We didn't really talk much for the first part, because Sirius was very intent on finding me the perfect outfit. I'm not lying when I say that I've tried on all the clothes in Hogsmeade- because I have.

He's very thorough, that boy. I wonder if he's that diligent in the bedroom?

Mustn't get side-tracked.

Anyway. After hours of trying on outfit after outfit, we found one which I personally think looks ridiculous, but Sirius seems to think is 'cutting edge'. There are flared jeans, this magnificently puffy edge top that wouldn't look out of place on a Pirate's ship, and a silk headscarf. For accessories, I have these massive gold hoop earrings, and brown leather belt with an equally massive gold buckle.

I tell you, it's a lot to take in that outfit. But Sirius and the shop assistant seemed to think it was 'haute', so I'll just go along with it. Obviously I know nothing about fashion… and I'm inclined to think Sirius should be right. After all, he's always very well dressed.

We also bought another outfit that I infinitely prefer (though feel extremely self conscious wearing it). It's a very tight black dress. While it comes down to my knees, it's _extremely _low cut. I feel like my tits are going to pop out of it at any second. I got some equally risqué patent leather stiletto heels, and seemed black stockings (not tights). According to Sirius, all women should wear stockings. I'm not sure why it makes any difference. After all, you can only tell the difference when a girl's got her kit off. Sirius wasn't open for discussion on this matter, however.

Anyway, after a slightly horrific and extremely overwhelming few hours of shopping, Sirius suggested we get a bit of lunch in Hogsmeade before heading back. I'd never been happier to hear the words 'shall we have lunch?'

He was a bit quiet when we first sat and ordered, so we really only made small talk-

'How's your salad?'

'As good as a salad can be,' I said, shrugging. 'Want some?'

'No, no… I'm fine with my burger.'

I eyed it jealously for a moment, before forcing myself to eat more salad. I HEREBY VOW TO NEVER ORDER SALAD EVER AGAIN!

We sat in silence for a bit longer- until he looked up at me and I couldn't help smiling a little. Come on! He's so fit! You'd smile too if you were having lunch with him!

'What?'

I frowned.

'What do you mean, what?'

'You're grinning… do I have ketchup on my face or something?'

I laughed.

'No… no…'

He looked at me suspiciously.

'You always have this smile when we're talking. I can't tell if you're making fun of me or not!'

I gaped, unsure how to explain myself.

'What? What is it?'

I put my face in my hands and shook my head.

'No! No! I can't…'

'Anna… tell me…'

I threw up my hands, feeling a little hysterical.

'You'll laugh.'

'I won't.'

'You will. And you'll think I'm crazy… and your ego will go through the roof.'

Suddenly, Sirius grinned a little and leaned forward. I could faintly smell his cologne. It was _so _delicious. It was this fresh, woody yet slightly spicy scent, which made me want to curl up in his arms and never leave.

'I like your cologne,' I said quickly, blushing and looking away.

Sirius looked surprised.

'You do? Yes, I must say I'm rather partial to it. I got it yesterday…'

Sirius' eyes widened.

'Don't change the subject!'

I whimpered and he crossed his arms.

'Jones, I have sacrificed a perfectly good morning of study to help you with your fashion predicament. The least you can do is explain yourself.'

'Fine!' I snapped. 'I grin like an absolute fool each time I see you because you're _that_ good looking and it's just… sometimes lovely just to look at you. Oh sure. Go ahead and laugh. That's right. And you wonder why I didn't want to tell you.'

Sirius was laughing so hard his face had turned beet red.

For the first time in my life, I was thankful to see my mother. Without any warning, she swooped upon us like the vulture she is.

'Oh hello darling! And Sirius! Oh Anna, you sly thing! Why did you never tell us you and Sirius were seeing each other?'

Sirius wiggled his eyebrows at me in a way that made me want to smack him, and shag him all at once. The best I could do was kick him under the table.

'We want to keep it quiet for now,' I explained to my mum, grinning as I saw Sirius spluttering. 'It's early days- we want to take it all one step at a time.'

The look on mum's face was priceless. She looked like not only had Christmas come early, but it had been declared a world-wide day of worshipping her, instead of the baby Jesus.

'Oh my darlings!' she cried, grabbing and hugging us to her bosom. 'You don't know how happy you've made me!'

I laughed as I saw Sirius struggling to avoid staring down my mother's top.

'Okay then!' she said, all exuberant. 'I'll leave you two love birds.'

She pressed a finger to her lips- a blatant lie of a gesture if ever I saw one- as though she could be trusted with our secret- and scurried off.

'What the hell was that, Jones!' gasped Sirius, trying to regain his composure.

I merely wiggled my eyebrows at him and then we both started laughing. He then fell very silent and I was worried that, perhaps, he was upset at my little lie about our dating.

'Jones… Anna…'

I held my breath.

'Do you think that maybe…'

But I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want him being upset about what I had thought was a silly, harmless joke at the time.

'I'm sorry!' I said. 'It was just a joke. I'll write to mum and tell her we're not actually going out.'

He closed his mouth and I felt myself blushing even harder.

'I mean, obviously we're not going out… obviously!'

But there was something like confusion or… I honestly don't know what it was, but Sirius had this confused sort of expression that made me think I'd missed something.

'Yeah,' he sighed. 'Yeah, of course. Are you done? We shouldn't be too late for potions. It started ten minutes ago…'

I checked the clock and realised that he was indeed correct… and we both sprinted back to the castle.

I hope I haven't ruined things with Sirius by that stupid little comment. I know I joke about having a crush on him and- honestly- I do- but, realistically, I know that'll never happen. But I don't want to lose him as a friend. He can be really good to me sometimes. In a way, I'm glad we'll never go out because I think it's afforded us the chance to become friends. I can't think of too many girls Sirius is actually friends with. Other than Helen, but she blew that when she cheated on him with Daniel. That fucker…

Ok. Mustn't think about Daniel the wanker git bastard fucker Melrose. Must concentrate, as am meant to be studying with Lily and Mary.

* * *

**May 27**

**Weight: 9st 7lb (Ouch! Why am I creeping back up so quickly!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 0**

**Hair: Still gone**

**Murderous thoughts towards Sirius: Millions**

* * *

11 am- Oh. My. Sweet. Circe.

Sirius is an idiot. An absolute fucking idiot. I'm so mad at him.

Remember that idiotic outfit I described from our shopping spree yesterday? Stupidly, I wore that to the two interviews I had yesterday. The first journalist tried not to laugh when she saw me, but thankfully told the photgrapher not to take my picture. At the time, I was offended.

Now I'm fucking grateful.

The second reporter- the one for the Daily Fucking Prophet- took SEVERAL pictures.

This morning, I opened the 'lifestyle' section, all excited…. But then screamed as I saw what they had written about me. I'm too depressed to re-write it, so here's a clipping:

'_Miss Jones, who evidently has no real flair for the art of Divination, seems to mock it with her ridiculous outfit. Rather than attempting to restore faith in a tradition whose days are numbered, Miss Jones would rather poke fun at it by pretending to dress as some pseudo-gypsy-pirate. Furthermore, as a cancer sufferer myself, her shaved head fashion statement thoroughly offended me on a personal level.'_

.

'Holy shit. You personally offended your reporter. How the fuck did you do that?' laughed Mary.

'Anna, what on earth possessed you to wear that ridiculous outfit? I mean, you do some questionable things at times, but you generally dress quite well. What…'

I didn't stay to listen to Lily's lecture, however. I tore through the common room, and went straight to the boys' dorms. I didn't care that there was a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door. I barged through the door, ripped Sirius' bed hangings down, and then screamed when I saw Mina from the year below, bouncing up and down on top of Sirius while he sat there fondling her tits. (I should insert here that, normally, Mina's a very nice girl. I've nothing against her… but she just happened to be shagging Sirius at a time when I wanted nothing more than to murder him for giving me the worst fashion advice in Wizarding History).

Mina screamed, and then Siirus himself shouted and sat up so suddenly that Mina fell off the bed.

'Anna, what the fuck?'

I didn't care that I had just interrupted their shag session, or that they were both starkers.

'THIS!' I screamed, thrusting the Daily Prophet at Sirius. 'LOOK WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT ME!'

Sirius fell silent as he read the article. I wanted to slap him as I saw his lips twitching.

'Don't you sit there and laugh!' I screamed.

'I'm just going to go,' said Mina, blushing as she pulled on her robes quickly and ran.

'Don't go… oh bollocks, well go then,' said Sirius pathetically as he watched Mina bolting. 'Thanks for ruining that for me,' he added sourly. 'It took a lot of effort to get her to this stage.'

'You have the nerve to be pissed off at me for ruining your little shag session? Sirius, you picked out what the reporter called 'the most hideous outfit to ever make the Daily Prophet'!'

Sirius laughed and tossed the paper aside.

'Calm down, Anna,' he said, stretching to reveal his dark underarm hair. (For some sick, strange reason, I kind of liked that he had hair there and hadn't gotten rid of it.). 'You could have worn a boring but decent outfit, and no oen would have given your article a second thought. Now you're famous.'

Totally forgetting he was naked, I launched myself at him.

'YOU IDIOT!' I screeched. 'YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE!'

'Anna,' he groaned uncomfortably, trying to push me away. 'I'm not exactly dressed…'

I got off him quickly, blushing.

'Look, Anna,' he said practically, 'You'll be a household name now for wearing _that_ outfit. You have many articles ahead of you to redeem yourself as having excellent style- which is why we got that other black dress for you. But you had to be noticed first.'

I crossed my arms. I could _kind _of see his point…

'Why didn't you tell me?' I huffed.

'You'd never've done it, Anna,' he shrugged. 'You may have a penchant for embarrassing yourself, but it's always unintentional. You wouldn't have had the balls to pull this off had I told you beforehand.'

'Well that's not fair,' I snapped. 'It was my decision to make given that it's my name and reputation that's on the line.'

Sirius shrugged and I sighed.

'Sorry for interrupting your… whatever… with Mina.'

Sirius suddenly looked a bit awkward.

'With Mina… it was just a bit of fun, you know. It's not serious or anything.'

'Okay?' I said, confused. 'Good for you?'

He gave me this very strange look and I myself felt a bit uncomfortable at this point.

'Well… I'm going to go now…'

'You're not…'

We both stopped and looked at each other.

'Oh.. okay, see you round,' shrugged Sirius.

I shook my head.

'What were you going to say?'

He grinned easily.

'Just wanted to check we're still mates,' he said quickly.

I rolled my eyes.

'I suppose. Though you don't deserve it. You've nearly drowned me, dressed me in a ridiculous outfit for the whole world to see… what's next, Sirius? What's next?'

'That's for me to know, and you to find out,' he grinned.

'Oh dear,' I sighed, sauntering to the door. 'I'd better leave before you ruin me any further…'

'Hey, Jones,' he called. 'You free Friday night?'

I turned and looked at him levelly. Obviously Sirius and I are just friends, but I couldn't help feeling a bit… (jealous?)... about Mina.'

'No,' I said primly. 'But Mina might be.'

And with that, I skipped off down the Boys' staircase.

I don't know it's jealousy. I know I like Sirius. I probably always will. I'm glad we're mates and all, but I'm also worried that, if I spend enough Friday nights with him, walking in on him in compromising situations as I just did with Mina might really fuck me up. And I don't want to be fucked up over Sirius. I like him too much for that.

I don't think I'll go for lunch now. I feel a bit tired, actually. I might just lie in bed for a while…

.

8pm- Bollocks. I just woke up. I've wasted my entire Sunday sleeping. Fuck. My NEWTs are just around the corner. Fuck, fuck, fuck. When am I going to get my life in order? I feel like I've lost control over everything. What's the point to my life? What am I even doing here? I'm just a laughing stock. Hmph. I think I'll just go back to sleep… it's easier than dealing with this world.

* * *

**May 28**

**Not bothered with figures today.**

I think I'm depressed. And I think it's got everything to do with Sirius. I saw him briefly today- he was chatting to Mina in the hallway. I just felt so sad, all of a sudden.

He'll never like me. Why can't I be that girl he fancies? Screw friendship… I don't care if we're friends forever or not. I just want to snog him so badly it hurts.

Except he'll never snog me unless it's a joke. I'm sick of being a joke.

Fucking hell. I've gone and done it. I've seriously fallen for Sirius Black. Fuck.

* * *

**May 29**

**Weight: 9st 5lb (Benefit of being in love**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 500 (v. good)**

**Hair: V. short stubble. Lily is performing charms on my head on an hourly basis to encourage my hair to grow back.**

**Study: 4 hours (Good)**

**Hours spent moping over Sirius: 1 (acceptable, as this was post-study).**

* * *

**11pm- **I love my girlfriends. After an intense study session this evening during which I realised I'm not as dumb as I always thought I was (I knew an answer to a Charms question not even Lily knew!), Lily confronted me.

'Anna,' she said in her loving 'Authoritarian Bitch' tone, 'you're not well.'

I merely stared at her.

'You've been so down lately. Is it the Daily Prophet article? I thought we decided it was good publicity!'

I shook my head and washed my face. We proceeded to ready ourselves for bed in silence.

Once we got into bed, however, Lily's questioning continued.

'Anna, you're not… you're not depressed about Melrose, are you? He's been off on that mission. I thought his not being her would have been good for you.'

I couldn't help smiling to myself as I realised I hadn't even thought of Daniel over the past few days. It's strange… knowing I'll never be with Sirius seems to hurt even more than finding out that Daniel was cheating on me.

'No, it's not that,' I said quietly.

'You're not on a diet, are you?' questioned Mary.

I shook my head.

'Oh for Circe's sake, Anna! You're worrying me. What is it?'

I blushed furiously.

'I… fancy someone.'

Lily laughed. She sounded relieved.

'Don't laugh!' I cried. 'It's so bad. It's so, so bad. He'll never love me and that's so much worse than finding out that Daniel was cheating on me. At least, with Daniel, I could be furious with him. I can't even be angry at Sirius though, because he's only ever really been nice to me.'

'SIRIUS!' squealed Mary. 'Oh my GOD!'

My eyes widened as I realised I had let it slip, in my desperation.

Lily smiled at me knowingly.

'He likes you, Anna. I've never seen him be so thoughtful and considerate to any other girls in the school. You guys actually hang out, don't you?'

'That's just it!' I sighed, reaching up to tug at my hair only to realise I had none. (This frustrated me even more.) 'He only sees me as a friend. He'll never like me in the romantic sense.'

'Maybe he does?' said Lily hopefully.

'No,' I said bitterly. 'I walked in on him with Mina yesterday…. mid-shag.'

'Ouch.'

'_That's_ why!'

I turned to Mary, confused.

'Huh?'

'It makes sense. I mean, you guys have spent a lot of time together this year, and you've always fancied him in your own way, but I was wondering what happened between you two that made you suddenly realise that you really actually love him.'

I screwed up my nose.

'Don't say that,' I said, shuddering. 'I don't love him.'

'Of course you do. And seeing him shagging another girl made you realise that.'

I crossed my arms.

'Well what do I do about this? He'll never fancy me, so my best option is to simply get over him. How?'

'Are you sure you don't want to try?' suggested Lily hopefully.

'No,' I said emphatically. 'No way. I've embarrassed myself a lot in front of Sirius, but this is something else.'

'You're a bit emotionally retarded, you know that?' mused Mary.

'And Sirius isn't?'

'True,' she shrugged. 'Basically, you're a match made in Hell.'

'No,' I sighed. 'We're a match made in my over-zealous imagination. It'll never, ever, ever happen.'

'But if you try…'

'No, Lily. I'm not going to humiliate myself like that in front of Sirius. It's one thing to do physically stupid things… and completely different thing to admit my feelings to him.'

Lily looked sad, but Mary nodded in agreement. At least _her_ head isn't full of sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.

'Just keep busy, Anna. And ignore Sirius at all costs. You'll probably get over him in a few days. This is probably just your shock reaction at seeing him with another girl. After a few days I'm sure you'll realise you're fine with just being friends.'

'Okay…' I said, not entirely convinced. 'Yeah… you're probably right.'

We left it there. I feel a bit better- and I'm so glad I was able to have gotten it off my chest and confide in the girls- but I'm not sure I'll be over Sirius in a few days.

I desperately hope I will be. This is horrid.

* * *

**I haven't forgotten this! I do intend on finishing it, despite Stained Glass and all. You'll just have to be patient for updates, because I've got a fair amount on my plate at the moment!**

**Next chapter-**

_It was bloody awkward. Sirius and I stared at each other in awkward horror as we found ourselves surrounded by snogging couples. I'm going kill Lily for suggesting this._

**On that note… I sure do appreciate reviews!**

**Love, Anya**


	16. Chapter 16: June 1 to 5

**June 1**

* * *

**Weight: 9st 3lb (Gooooood!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: Unsure… **

**Hair: Pixie cut. I don't mind it now**

**Study: 2 hours (not v good)**

**Meetings with Daniel: 1 (horrific)**

**Meetings with Helen Asteria: 1 (strange, but not horrific)**

**Match-makings: 1 (V. good!)**

**Hateful thoughts towards Sirius: Hundreds (not zenful, but better than the following-  
**

**Loveful thoughts regarding Sirius: Millions. (Bad)**

* * *

**11am- **Oh Merlin… crap. I knew I couldn't avoid Daniel forever. I was actually beginning to forget about him, what with his suddenly leaving for some urgent mission. I was rather liking our Temp teacher as well- she was female, for one. And ugly- which made it impossible for me to have a crush on her.

Though I kind of loved her simply because she wasn't Daniel. I saw her leaving this morning, and ran up to her-

'Miss Honey! Where are you going?'

She must have seen the terror in my expression… because her leaving could only mean one thing.

'Your Profeesor Melrose is returning this morning, Anna,' she said, smiling at me.

'So… you're leaving?'

She nodded.

'I was only a temp.'

I seized her arm, desperately

'No! Don't leave! We love you!'

Miss Honey laughed awkwardly.

'Anna, I am no where near as talented as Professor Melrose…'

'Don't say that!' I cried. 'Miss Honey, you've got to have more confidence in yourself! I learnt more in the few lessons with you, than I have all year with Dan-Professor Melrose!'

Miss Honey's eyes widened and she looked at me meaningfully.

'Really?'

I nodded (was a lie, obviously- she was terrible… but I'd rather learn from her any day rather than Daniel).

'Oh hello Anna. Are we still on for a counselling session at 3pm?'

I turned and saw Horace, waddling over to me. I had totally forgot about that session, and really didn't think I could deal with it today.

Suddenly, it occurred to me that both Miss Honey and Slughorn were single… and perfectly suited to each other.

'Professor…' I said slowly. 'Have you met Miss Honey? She was tempting for Professor Melrose.'

I smiled to myself as both Sluggie and Honey stared at each other nervously.

'N…no,' stammered Slughorn, flushing. 'Enchante,' he murmured, taking Honey's hand and kissing it.

I grinned as she blushed furiously and giggled. Seeing that my work was done, I left the two of them alone. Hopefully Karma will repay me favouriably one day… in the form of Sirius? V. Bad. Mustn't think such thoughts…

But it doesn't solve my Daniel dilemma. I don't want him to come back. I don't. I wish Sirius would just shag me to help me forget the whole thing.

.

1pm- Okay. Am really hyperventilating now. Here's the note I just received:

_Dear Anna,_

_It's been a while, hasn't it? Will you forgive your Professor? I've got some time off between 2 and 3. How about you let me make it up to you…_

_D_

.

What do I do? What do I do? Lily, Mary, James and Remus are in double Ancient Runes, Peter is in Muggle Studies… only Sirius is free now, but I don't know I want to discuss this with him. He gets all weird at the mention of Daniel.

I don't want to see Daniel. I don't.

But I can't avoid him forever, right? He is my teacher?

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

.

1.10pm- I have to ask Sirius. I can't take this. Going now.

.

1.30pm- I think I'm going to cry. The door was shut and that stupid 'Do Not Disturb' sign was up. He's fucking someone. WHY? WHY?

.

1.31pm- Maybe I can send him an owl? Better than assaulting my poor mind with the image of him shagging another girl.

.

1.33pm- Okay, am deseperate now. But I think if I see him now, I'll burst into tears. I wish he wasn't so damn fit. Maybe then, he wouldn't shag so many girls

.

1.34pm- Then again, if he wasn't so damn fit, I wouldn't love him so much… Okay, okay! Here's the note I'm going to send him-

.

Sirius,

Not sure if you're busy, but I'm in a bit of a desperate and urgent situation and need your advice asap. If you're free, I'd really appreciate your help.

Love, Anna

.

Should I scrap the 'Love, Anna'? Maybe should just write 'Anna'… or 'Regards, Anna'.

Or 'Cheers?'

No, sounds all a bit weird. How about 'x Anna'?

Or 'xo'?

I'm so confused. Oh sod this. I'm just sending it as is. I would write 'Love, Anna' if I were sending it Remus or Pottyhead or Peter… so Sirius will just have to deal with it.

.

1.35pm- Hmmm. I just sent it. Hmm. Hmm. He had better reply.

.

1.36pm- What if he doesn't?

.

1.37pm- He has! He's shouting for me to come down to the common room! I love him! Love him! Well, no I don't… or I do. I don't know. Won't keep him any longer. Lovely Sirius. Love him!

.

1.55pm- I hate Sirius. Can't believe I ever liked him, the fucking wanker.

'Anna! You wanted to see me!'

I tore down the stairs and saw him standing there, looking like he'd just woken up.

'Was I disturbing you?' I said tentatively. My heart sunk as I noticed he'd done up his buttons wrong.

'I was only sleeping,' he shrugged.

'Oh… sorry. You weren't… busy?'

'Anna, what are you on? If you fancied a chat, could we do it another time? I got zero sleep last night and am positively knackered. I thought you had a crisis.'

I think my face must have fallen, because his eyes widened-

'Christ, I'm sorry. You know me- I'm terrible in the mornings. What's wrong?'

I sat on the couch and showed him Daniel's letter, chewing my lip as I watched Sirius' face change from simply looking tired, to looking livid.

He looked up at me and his grey eyes were so hard and furious-looking that I recoiled a little.

'I'm sorry!' I squeaked.

'You're not going,' he said through clenched teeth. 'No bloody way…'

'I know,' I sighed. 'But he doesn't know I know, and he's my teacher and he'll corner me at _some _stage…'

'No, he won't,' growled Sirius. 'I won't allow it. Did you reply to him?'

I shook my head.

'No. I wasn't sure what I should do.'

Sirius stood up, suddenly looking even more furious.

'You weren't honestly thinking of going, were you?'

I shrugged.

'I thought it might be best to go and say I didn't want to see him anymore- just get it over with.'

'Are you kidding me!' Sirius shouted.

I flinched and felt the tears welling up.

'What's wrong with you women?' he growled, pacing the room. 'He treats you like shit, and yet you keep going back!'

I stood up, getting angry myself. I know Daniel's a sore point for him, but he hurt me just as much and I don't know where Sirius gets off thinking he can take it all out on me.

'I do not!' I snapped. 'I want to resolve this.'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Yeah, I'm sure that's what you'll be doing. I know you, Anna. He'll make up some little story and you'll be back in his arms in no time.'

I actually hate him. How dare he say that? He was actually being a supreme prick.

'Fuck you,' I said angrily, turning back to my dorm. 'I thought you'd be able to help.'

He grabbed my arm.

'You're not going,' he snapped. 'Don't do it. I won't allow it.'

I snorted.

'Sirius, you have no right to tell me what I can or cannot do.'

I tore up the stairs and have been hiding out here ever since.

I think I'll go. I'm going.

.

10pm- Okay… I have a lot to write.

When I came down the stairs, he was still there, scowling at me.

'Where are you going?'

'None of your damn business,' I shot back. Stalking off to the portrait.

'I'm coming with you.'

I stopped, and fleetingly considered hexing him. He shook his head.

'Don't attempt it. I'll deflect it in an instant.'

I threw up my hands and continued walking. Annoyingly, he followed.

'Okay, Anna, I'm sorry how I reacted. I realise I wasn't sensitive or nice or…'

'You were a fucking wanker,' I snapped, turning the corner.

'Yes, yes, I know,' he said, running up to catch up with me. 'But don't do this to yourself simply to spite me.'

I kept walking, even though I knew he had a point.

'Okay, Anna, please,' he said, blocking my way to Daniel's office. 'Just stop for a second. I apologise for how I spoke to you. I was wrong.'

'Yes, you were,' I snapped.

'But if you already knew you should go, you wouldn't have asked for my advice. Think about it… '

I looked at Sirius squarely.

'So?'

'So…' he said desperately, 'I really think it's in your best interests that you don't…'

I saw the door opening behind Sirius. For a moment, he closed his eyes and muttered 'fuck'.

The next thing I knew, he'd grabbed me and was snogging me as though our lives depended on it.

'Anna, I thought I heard…'

I separated from Sirius just in time to see Daniel staring at us in shock. Sirius looked a little dazed for a moment, and then he leaned in and muttered in my ear-

'It's up to you, now,' before walking off, without so much a glance in Daniel's direction.

I looked at Daniel, who was staring at me, apparently speechless. I winced. No matter how 'over' Daniel I had felt yesterday, it still hurt like hell. As he stood in front of me, all I could think of was everything I'd done with him- shagging him, snogging him… being in love with him…

It was all a bloody lie. I'd lost my virginity to the biggest fuckwit of all.

And, no matter how pissed off I'd been at how Sirius had spoken to me, I realised he'd done this to Sirius as well. And it's one thing to cheat on a girlfriend, but another to do it to a best mate.

I wanted to hit him.

Instead, I cleared my throat and asked if I could come in. He seemed so shocked that he let me in.

'Something you need to tell me?' he asked, actually looking quite pissed off himself.

I nodded.

'Ye…yes,' I stammered. 'I don't want to see you anymore.'

Daniel raised an eyebrow.

'You don't?'

I shook my head. I don't know where I found the strength to go through that. I really don't.

'No. I… I've realised that I love Sirius.'

Daniel's eyebrows rose even higher.

'Sirius? Don't you remember what I told you about him…'

I shrugged.

'Yeah I do… but Sirius is there for me. You never are.'

Daniel crossed his arms.

'You weren't singing that tune when I pulled you out of the lake.'

I remembered it and, for a moment, my resolve shattered. I couldn't deny that the man had saved my life.

And then I realised I didn't want to have some feud with him, or any hard feelings. I just wanted out.

'Look, Daniel,' I said. 'I just don't feel right about us. You're my teacher and won't make any kind of commitment to me and… I feel that I'm at a time in my life where that sort of toying with my feelings isn't good enough. I want more than to be someone you remember once a month. I want to be 'it'.'

Daniel cleared his throat.

'And… and you think you're 'it' with Sirius, do you?'

I nodded slowly.

'Yeah… I do.'

I went to the door, but he interrupted me.

'Anna, just wait a moment. I think…'

Suddenly, his fire flared green, and a figure stepped into his office. I froze, terrified we'd been caught.

But then I saw it was Helen Asteria. She stopped as she saw me.

'Oh hello. Sorry, I didn't realise you were with a student…'

'He's not anymore,' I said plainly. 'You have him all to yourself.'

She looked confused, but I didn't care to deal with them anymore. Whatever stupid things I might do, I've never wanted to be part of any stupid love games or deceptions.

I walked out of the office and- I couldn't help it- I smiled. I really felt free.

'Anna… Anna Jones?''

I turned around and saw Helen Asteria walking up to me.

'Yes?'

'Hi… sorry, I'm Helen Asteria. You probably don't remember, but I was in the year above you at school.'

I tried not to snort at the concept of my not remembering her. She was only my idol throughout my school years.

'Yes, I remember,' I said, confused.

She shifted uncomfortably and I honestly had no idea what on earth she could possibly want with me.

'You're probably really busy, but I was wondering if we could have a chat?'

Let me assaure you that I was _really_ confused at this point.

'I guess?'

She smiled, flashing her brilliantly white teeth.

'Great. How about… the kitchens?'

So we walked over to the kitchens and, after picking out a cake each and hot chocolate (I noticed Helen poured some rum in hers), we sat at the benches.

'Look, I realise this is probably really confusing for you. I just… I wanted to talk to you, because I know you're probably Sirius' only friend who doesn't absolutely hate me.'

I went to get up.

'Look, you're stunning and all, but I'm not going to get you two back together…'

She shook her head desperately.

'No, no… I don't want that. Please… just hear me out!'

I sat back down tentatively and silently cursed her for being able to eat cake while retaining such a good figure.

'Are you sleeping with Daniel?' I blurt out.

She blinked.

'What?'

'Daniel… Melrose. Are you still shagging him?'

'God no!' she exclaimed. 'No way… eugh! Once was bad enough!'

I raised my eyebrows.

'I saw him snogging you at The Three Broomsticks the other week.'

Helen's eyes widened.

'Oh… yes, he likes to attempt to seduce me back every now and then. You possibly didn't watch long enough to see me slapping him for trying to snog me.'

I suddenly didn't hate Helen so much anymore.

'Oh… no. I didn't.'

'And I only used his office as it's the quickest way in to the school. I came to see you,' she added. 'Trust me, I'm done and dusted with that wanker.'

Suddenly, Helen's eyes widened.

'Oh no… oh no, you didn't…'

I nodded miserably.

'Yeah. I did. Idiotically.'

She reached out and patted my hand.

'I'm not sure if this makes you feel any better, but you're not the only one to have fallen for his apparent charm.'

I couldn't help myself.

'How on earth did you ever think Daniel could be better than Sirius? Sirius is so good. He really loved you.'

Helen withdrew her hand and suddenly looked very sad as she looked into her hot chocolate.

'Is he? Is he really that good?'

'Of course he is!' I said indignantly. 'He's the best.'

Helen smiled ruefully.

'I used to think so. But when you've been fighting for days on end… it loses it's charm. Maybe with someone else he'd work. Our tempers were terrible though. We're both too hot-headed and stubborn.'

'Tell me about it,' I said, rolling my eyes as I remembered my previous argument with Sirius.

I think looked at her and realised I still wasn't exactly sure what she was doing here. I asked her.

She looked at me and shrugged.

'I saw him with you a while ago. I think you were having beers at the Three Broomsticks or something.'

I remembered the night. I have to say, it was probably one of my best nights of the year.

'I know this probably doesn't make much sense to you, Anna, but that night when I saw you two, Sirius was smiling- genuinely smiling- and I honestly can't say I haven't seen him smiling like that in a very long time. You obviously make him happy- whatever your relationship.'

'We're just friends,' I said, a little miserably.

She smiled at me.

'Yeah, but I think you're good for him. You make him really happy… so I think what I wanted to say was… look after him, okay?'

At this point, I noticed that there was quite a large rock on Helen's ring finger.

'You're engaged!'

She nodded slowly.

'Yeah, I am. Look, I know Sirius must have made me out to have been the biggest bitch in the world, but I made a mistake. A really fucking terrible mistake. I regret it every day. The thing is, I don't know we'd have gone the distance as a couple anyway.'

She took a deep breath.

'The fact of the matter is, I still love him and want him to be okay- even though I'll never be with him again. I don't know if he'll be upset about my engagement, but I just… I want to know that you'll still be there to make him smile like you did that day at the Three Broomsticks.'

I can honestly say that I had never been more surprised than I had, at that moment. I took a long sip of my hot chocolate before responding.

'He never says anything too bad about you, you know?' I said. 'I know you tore out his heart by going off with Daniel, but I can tell he still loves you when he talks about you.'

Helen bit her lip and I nodded.

'You should tell him yourself about the engagement,' I said. 'I know in a way you wanted me to tell him for you- and that's why you sought me out- but you owe it to Sirius to tell him yourself.'

'Tell me what?'

We both spun around, shocked, to see Sirius standing in the doorway. He was looking from me to Helen suspiciously.

'That fucking map,' sighed Helen.

'Tell me what, Helen?'

'I think I'll go…'

'Stay,' said both Sirius and Helen simultaneously.

I stopped suddenly and really wished I could escape. This wasn't something I wanted to see. I knew it would make things between Sirius and I awkward.

'I really think I should go…'

'Tell me what, Helen?'

I sunk back into my armchair, bracing myself for Helen to crack the bad news.

She looked to me and then sighed and stood up.

'Anna's right. I have to tell you. Sirius, I'm engaged.'

Sirius blinked for a moment, and I noticed he suddenly became extremely rigid.

'And why do you think I care?'

'Come on, Sirius,' said Helen softly. 'I just wanted you to find out from the right person.'

'Anna's the right person, is she?' he shouted. 'Let me tell you something, Helen. No one's the right fucking person to hear that news from. Who is it? Daniel?'

'NO!' shouted Helen. 'I told you, I was only with him the once. Look, it's… Theo. From Beauxbatons.'

'You've been cheating on me since second year?'

'No! Sirius, please don't make this difficult. We've been going out for the past month and… I don't know. He asked me, and I said yes.'

Sirius shrugged and went to leave.

'Good for you. Congratu-fucking-lations…'

Helen took his wrist gently.

'Come on Sirius,' she said softly. 'Don't be like that. He's right for me. He calms me down… you yourself said that, even without Daniel, we weren't right.'

At that point, I really just wanted to go up to Sirius and hug him. He wasn't crying, but worse. He just looked totally broken.

'You'll find that girl who calms you down too, Sirius. That girl who makes you smile and laugh…' (Her eyes flitted to me and I REALLY wished I had been allowed to leave). 'But that girl isn't me, Sirius. As much as I love you, and wish it was… it's not.'

He wasn't even looking at her now. She hesitated, and then kissed him quickly on the cheek.

'Good luck, Sirius. You deserve someone good. I hope you find her soon.'

She glanced to me and mouthed 'Thanks', before leaving. I wanted to shout at her for forcing me in this horrible situation.

So there I sat, still as a fucking stone, because I knew Sirius was going to be furious and would probably snap at me if I tried to say or do anything…

As soon as we heard the portrait door swinging shut, he turned around and raided the pantry until he pulled out a bottle of firewhiskey. I watched, like a mute idiot, as he poured out a full glass of it before walking over and taking a seat next to me. I said nothing as he swilled half the glass down in one. It was painful just watching him drinking it.

'Jones,' he gasped…

I got up quickly and brought him a glass of water, which he downed quickly. I gently took the firewhisky off him.

'It's not good for you,' I murmured.

'She was never good for me.'

I sighed as I sat back next to him. I closed my eyes as he lay his head on my shoulder.

'You know, I don't know we should look at them in that way. It'll fuck us up forever if we do. We just have to accept we were with them… and that, whether they were good or bad, they are no longer 'for us' at all. They're no longer ours. Or she isn't, in any case. I don't think Daniel was ever 'mine'.

'You went to him.'

I sighed.

'Yeah… oh, and I hope you don't mind, but I told him I was with you. Thought it might be a good bit of karma for him.'

Sirius laughed a little and sat up. I can't deny I wasn't disappointed at the loss of contact.

'How did he take it?'

I smiled as I remembered it.

'Not well. He kept trying to talk me out of it.'

'And you…?"

'Told him I was over him and left,' I shrugged. 'It was easier than I thought it'd be.'

'And why did she come and talk to you?'

I shrugged.

'She wanted to know I'd be there for you, and look after you.'

Sirius looked at me and I blushed (I couldn't help adding this)-

'She seemed to think I make you smile.'

Sirius himself smiled at this.

'Yeah, you do. Thanks.'

I shrugged.

'No worries. I'm glad _someone _finds joy from my misfortunes.'

Sirius shook his head.

'No, you make me smile… when we're just like this. You're a great friend, Anna.'

Friend. Friend. FRIEND.

I think I'll just have to accept that's all I'll ever be to the gorgeously tortured Sirius Black.

But, I have to admit: Sirius himself is a pretty great friend. I wouldn't have had the strength to go through that Daniel confrontation if he hadn't followed me there.

I stood up and held out my hand to help him up. He staggered a little.

'You're a great friend too, Sirius. I love you.'

And then I hugged him. And he hugged me back- really tightly. I don't think we were hugged enough by our mothers growing up. We hugged each other for a _really_ long time. It's hard to explain, but it wasn't the sort of hug that made me want to shag him, or snog him. And, when I told him I loved him, I didn't really mean it in the way I'd have said it to Daniel, or he'd have said it to Helen. It was more… that I love having him in my life. I love him as a person- like I love Lily, Mary, James, Remus and even Peter. But I think I love Sirius a bit more than the other boys, mainly because he seems to understand me and help me along, rather than ridicule me.

'I love you too, Jones,' he murmured before we separated. 'Don't ever change.'

I couldn't help laughing at this.

'Trust me,' I said as we walked out of the kitchens. 'I've tried so hard to change- and yet I don't.'

He shrugged.

'Why try, though? You are who you are. Stop apologising for it and start embracing it. We all love you for who you are- not for who you've spent your entire life striving to be.'

I think, after his telling me he loves me, that's the second nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. I feel bad for writing such a hateful entry on Sirius earlier. He can be infuriating- and even he's not perfect- but his heart is in the right spot.

And that's the main thing.

* * *

**June 2**

**Weight: 9st 5lb (fucking Helen Asteria, forcing me to eat cake)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2000 (bad) **

**Drinks: 1 (good)**

**Hair: Short bob **

**Study: All day! (Excellent!) **

**Loveful thoughts regarding Sirius: Thousands (an improvement)**

11pm- Had a massive day of study with the girls. It was actually lovely weather, so we packed a picnic basket, our schoolbooks, and went off to a nice hilly field, and studied there all day.

I am slowly starting to feel more confident about these NEWTs. Thank God we've covered the entire curriculum in classes and are now only doing revision because it was bloody impossible to balance new topics with revision.

We have decided to do big study sessions like these every day up until the NEWTs. That way, we will be encouraging each other/forcing (haha) to study hard every single day. Lily even drew up a 'topic revision' schedule for us.

After studying for the entire day, we went up to our dorm and curled up with a drink each (no more until after NEWTs)… and it was then that I decided to break the news about Daniel. I didn't tell them about Sirius, because I felt it wasn't my place.

They cheered for me and said- while bad that I was enabling myself using the lie of going out with Sirius- it was worth it just to shove one right in Daniel's face.

V. Good day. Look forward to more such study sessions. As for Sirius… I didn't see him today. Hope he's okay re: Helen and everything. I'm sure he is.

* * *

**June 5**

**Weight: 9st 8lb (Alarming… but will lose weight post-NEWTs)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: Who knows? (terrible) **

**Drinks: 2 (not v. good)**

**Hair: Back to normal now (thank MERLIN for that!) **

**Study: Most of the day (v. good)**

**Movies: 1**

**Awkward moments with Sirius: Thousands**

**Snogs: 0**

**Shags: 0**

**Weeks since last shag: Too many**

**Need for a shag sometime soon: Huge**

* * *

8am- Right. Lily has set up a movie night for us girls tonight at 8pm as incentive to study hard- but then relax post-movie. We're also going to go for a drink afterwards.

.

12noon- I hate studying. Hate, hate, hate it!

.

1pm- I fucking hate Daniel more. He just walked into our study group and said I was doing it totally wrong, before walking right out. I burst into tears and now Mary and Lily are trying to console me- bless them. I don't understand why he can't just leave me alone.

We decided he's cut because he thinks I chucked him for Sirius. If he knew I know he's a cheating scoundrel, he probably wouldn't be so pissed off at me.

Okay. I think I'm okay. Back to studying.

But, before I go. I just want to say he's a fucking fuckwit.

.

1am- It was bloody awkward. Spent half the time trying to avoid staring at Sirius in awkward horror as we found ourselves surrounded by snogging couples. I'm going kill Lily for suggesting this. I'm knackered. Will recount details tomorrow.

p.s. Sirius is a sex god. Can't he just shag me already? PLEASE?

Hmmm maybe I can at least have a sexy dream with Sirius. It's the next best thing, I suppose…

* * *

**Next chapter:**

_What's wrong with you? You just spent the past half an hour being reprimanded by none other than Albus Dumbledore, and all you took from it was that 'his beard is sexy'?'- _Lily to Anna

AND

'_Jones, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time…'_- Sirius to Anna

**I would totally love it if you rewarded my SUPER FAST UPDATE with a review :)**

**Love, Anya**


	17. Chapter 17: June 6 to 10

**June 6**

**Weight: 9st 9lb (Should stop weighing self until post-NEWTs. I hate all this weight-talk!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2000**

**Drinks: 0 ()**

**Smoothies: 2 (not v. good)**

**Study: 6 hours (excellent)**

**Snogs: 0**

**Shags: 0 (Am turning into a virgin again. This is not good)**

* * *

9am- I can't believe this. I'm the only one who's awake. Lily is refusing to wake up, saying she needs more sleep, and Mary is probably in Remus's bed. We were meant to start studying at 8. We've already lost an hour!

.

9.10am- Right. Am going to recount the details from last night now, before I forget:

Lily, the annoying Smug Couple that she is, decided she'd invite all the Marauders along to our movie night. So much for a 'Girls' Night'. As soon as she saw Potty-head, she disappeared in his embrace and I didn't hear from her for the rest of the evening.

Let me tell you something. You don't EVER want to go watch a romance film on a Friday night, with a group of couples. Even Peter brought his girlfriend!

So it ended up being Sirius and I, sitting in between the rest of the couples. We weren't even on the end of the row so as to be slightly removed from the action.

No siree no.

We were smack bang in the thick of it. I guess, on a positive note, we had the best seats in the cinema…

But they were wasted because, honestly, I was so freaking uncomfortable that

I didn't pay much attention to the film at all. I had Mary snogging Remus right next to me. Sirius was seated next to Lily, who was busy sucking the lips off Pottyhead. Quite often, these snogging couples would get carried away and close in on us. At one point, Sirius had to actually push Jamily off him. (Yes, that's right. I'm back to using their 'couple names').

Probably, if this scene were written in a book or movie, Sirius and I would have had some 'romantic' moment in amongst all of this.

Unfortunately, my life is far from a Mills & Boon novel. It was not romance-inspiring at all. If anything, watching the sickening display of snogging Smug Couples wanted me to declare myself an asexual forever and put the whole love concept away forever.

Thankfully, Sirius put me out of my misery 20 mins into the film.

'Hey Jones…' he whispered.

'Yeah?'

'Are you following the film?'

'A bit hard to when Remy keep converging in on me. What's wrong with them? Don't they shag in private during the week?'

Sirius chuckled.

'I don't think they've had much of a chance to lately, what with all the NEWT study.'

I rolled my eyes. These NEWTs are seriously ruining my life.

'Hey… do you want to get out of here?'

I looked at him dubiously.

'What about the others?'

He raised one eyebrow (rather sexily, I must say!)

'To be honest, Jones, I think they're so horny they won't notice our absence.'

With that, I was sold. We pushed past Jamily and Peter and his girlfriend and ran out of the theatre.

Escaping felt so liberating.

'Wow, that was horrible,' I said.

He grinned.

'Tell me about it. I feel like I've just escaped Azkaban.'

'Honestly,' I said. 'I reckon Azkaban would be better than that theatre. It was horrific. Having so many couples around me, reminding me of how pathetic my own state of affairs are…'

'Mmm.'

I shot Sirius a filthy look.

'Please don't pretend to be in my 'celibate' club. I only walked in on you mid-shag the other day. You're doing fine.'

Sirius laughed.

'It's been that long?'

I remembered the last time I'd been with Daniel, and shivered.

'Yes… But I don't want to think about it.'

And, suddenly, we were thrust into a really, really awkward silence. Thankfully, Sirius saved us when he suggested we get ice cream.

So he directed me to some Italian ice creamery (sooo good!) I'd never noticed before and we sat there for the rest of the evening.

Here is what I remember from our conversation-

'Do you like it?'

It's one thing to be in a state of foodgasm where you've just tried the most amazing thing ever, and another to be in that state while listening to the voice of Sirius Black. I tell you, I'm really going to have to invest in a permanent stash of Anti-lust potion. At least until school finishes anyway…

'Yes,' I said, once I'd recovered. 'It's orgasmic.'

He grinned.

'Well, at least you've found something to 'fill the void' until you find someone to shag you next.'

'God no! I'll put on so much weight!'

Sirius shrugged. This infuriated me.

'Don't you shrug, Sirius Black! You've never dated a fat girl in your life!'

He laughed and I crossed my arms. It annoyed me that he went around putting me in a false state of self-satisfaction, when he himself would never go for someone with thighs as wobbly as mine.

'Well none of them have been 'fat', but you're not fat either so I don't really see what you're complaining about!'

I crossed my arms.

'You've never gone out with a girl as fat as me.'

Sirius grinned.

'Firstly, you're not fat. Secondly, I've been with girls who were larger than you, thank you very much, and they were still very beautiful and sexy. If anything, I preferred them to the thin ones. They don't seem so breakable.'

I rolled my eyes and Sirius shrugged.

'There was one time, during the holidays, when Helen put on a huge amount of weight. She was still beautiful.'

'What? She put on a pound?'

Sirius shook his head.

'Oh no… it was about 10 kilos. She was mortified. I remember when she couldn't fit into her school uniform on her first day of school.'

(I'm recounting this story because it makes me feel much better about myself…. Knowing that Helen Asteria was once my weight is very reassuring.)

'She had to enlarge her school robes, and then I remember she went on this crazy diet and exercise regime- not entirely unlike the ones you yourself do- to lose it all.'

'Did she?'

He nodded.

'Yeah… unfortunately.'

'Unfortunately?'

He grinned.

'Yeah, a lot of the extra weight was in her chest. I can't say I was thrilled when she lost it all. '

(And this, here, is un-reassuring. The bitch. I wish I could put on weight on my chest! Instead, it all goes to my thighs. Annoyingly, my chest is the first place to deflate when I lose weight. My body is so traitorous).

'Yeah, Sirius,' I snapped. 'I can't say that little anecdote has made me feel any better about myself. If anything, it's just made Helen seem more amazing because instead of getting a wobbly tummy or jelly thighs, she gets massive tits when she overeats. I can't say I've ever had that problem.'

Sirius looked at me plainly.

'But, Jones, you're fine. I honestly don't think you need to lose weight. You're not model-thin, but I can safely say that most guys I know don't go for that anyway. You look very normal to me. I don't understand why you keep torturing yourself about food- or your weight. Just eat normally and live your life!'

I stabbed at my ice-cream miserably.

'If I never went on my crazy diets, I'd be huge by now.'

'I don't believe that. I reckon if you stopped thinking about it and ate normally instead of going on your starvation stints, followed by massive binges, you'd maintain a very healthy and normal weight.'

I shrugged and realised I'd never felt so fat. Sirius sighed.

'Trust me, you're gorgeous.'

'You're just…'

'No, I'm not. You're beautiful and I know I'm not the only one who thinks it.'

I suddenly perked up.

'Who?' I said, curious. 'Who?'

Sirius shrugged.

'I don't know. When we discuss the girls in our school, you always come up as being someone guys would go for.'

'Yes,' I snapped. 'And yet no one's ever gone for me. So unless you name names, I'm never going to believe you.'

He took a deep breath and suddenly became a little red, which is very unusual for Sirius Black. He mashed up his icecream as he spoke-

'Okay, fine. Jones, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time…'

'THERE YOU ARE!'

I wanted to shoot Lily. Not only did she drag me to a horror fest of smug couples, but she interrupted Sirius just as he was about to possibly divulge the name of a secret admirer of mine.

Sirius stopped abruptly and shot up and started talking to the other boys. I glared sullenly at Lily and Mary.

'You girls have impeccable timing,' I snapped. 'Really wonderful.'

Lily's eyes widened.

'Oh my goodness! Did I ruin a moment between you two?'

I rolled my eyes.

'Sirius and I are never going to have a 'moment'. He was just about to tell me the name of my secret admirer!'

The girls gasped.

'You have a secret admirer?' said Mary. 'That's so cool.'

'But who?' wondered Lily.

'Oi! Sirius!' shouted Mary.

The boys fell silent and I tugged at Mary's sleeve.

'Who's Anna's secret admirer?'

Everyone looked to Sirius who grinned and shrugged.

'Sorry, can't say.'

He then turned back to the boys quickly, and they all started walking down the street to the bar. I glared at Mary.

'Why did you have to do that? Now he's never going to tell me!'

'Oh well,' shrugged Mary. 'Worth a shot.'

.

The rest of the evening wasn't that amazing. Had a few drinks with the girls until they started getting frisky with their other halves, and I sat at the bar by myself until they decided to leave. Sirius himself met some pretty (and thin- the bastard liar) girl and the two of them seemed pretty chatty… so yeah. I was alone. Again.

I bet he just made it up to make me feel better. The bastard.

I'm sick of having no one. Can someone just ask me out already? What if no one ever asks me out, ever again? What if I never have a proper boyfriend? What if… oh God… what if I end up a tragic spinster. I can just imagine it. I'll be invited to Lily and James' future dinner parties and they'll be this crazy power-couple with two kids, and then Mary will be there with Remus, Peter with his wife and Sirius with Helen (let's face it, she'll probably divorce Theo and end up marrying Sirius)… and then I'll arrive and all the kids will point to me and be like-

'Crazy Aunt Anna's here! Hide! She's scary!'

And I'll enter, fat and probably already drunk, with purple hair and wearing some ridiculous outfit…. And I'll just be this huge joke and Lily will only keep inviting me out of pity.

And then they'll all go on couple weekends-away, and they'll forget to invite me and, when I 'accidentally' find out, they'll say in hushed voices how they didn't want me to feel awkward.

Fuck. This is bad. Must find a boyfriend post-NEWTs.

.

9.30am- FUCK! Once NEWTs are over, means school is over… which means finding a boyfriend will be even harder. Oh no!

.

9.35am- Do you think I'll ever see Sirius again, after school's over? I hope so. I think I'll miss him. Despite the fact he's a total lying hypocrite, he generally makes me feel better about myself.

.

9.45am- Okay, first priority must be NEWTs. Why are those girls still sleeping? I think I'll go do some study myself, until they wake up. After all, I need more study than they do….

.

9pm- Can't believe it. Mary is still missing, and Lily is taking a 'day off study'. What is this world coming to? Am a bit worried about Mary, though. Maybe she and Remus have eloped? Maybe will just check the Boys' dorm…

.

9.30pm- Oh my Circe. Fuck. FUCK! I'm never going to get that image out of my mind…. Aggggggggh.

Just walked in on Lily servicing Potter. It was horrific. I can't even write about it anymore.

Am going to take a potion for dreamless sleep and go straight to bed. Am sure Mary is fine.

AGGGGGGGGH.

* * *

**June 7**

**Weight: Not weighing self till NEWTs are over**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (Maybe I should just accept myself for who I am, at this height?)**

**Calories: Not counting calories till after NEWTs**

**Study: 0 (bad)**

**Missing friends: 1**

* * *

10am- Aggh. Just woke up. Thank Merlin I took that potion, because the image of Lily pleasuring James was the first thing that came to me once I woke up. Uggggh.

Mary is still nowhere to be seen. We have class in half an hour. Am v worried. Going to see if anyone has seen her or Remus.

.

11am- Oh God, oh God. Mary is still missing. As is Remus. Marauders keep muttering amongst themselves. Heard something about 'full moon'.

Am v. worried now. Think we should tell Minnie.

.

12 noon- Marauders seem to think Mary is with Remus in the shrieking shack. They say we should leave them to get Mary and Remus. Am v worried. Marauders are acting v suspiciously. Lily and I are going to follow them.

.

12.30pm- We can't find them. Lily seems to think Pottyhead has an invisibility cloak. Fuck. Okay, we're going to the Shrieking Shack.

.

5pm- MERLIN! What a day. Mary is okay, but is in the Hospital Wing and says she doesn't want to see Remus again, but won't say what happened or why. I'm v worried. Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let us talk to her, though, so we can't find out what the hell is going on.

We went to the Shrieking Shack, but Marauders had already come back by the time we got there. Remus is okay, but has confined himself to his bed and won't leave the dorm. James, Sirius and Peter won't tell us what's going on. We're very worried.

.

10pm- To make things worse, I have a meeting with Dumbledore tomorrow. Apparently we're in trouble for not raising alarm about Mary being missing earlier. Fuck.

.

1am- I'm going to sneak off and see Mary. She's my best friend. I don't care if I get caught. I'm worried. She seemed really freaked out earlier today. I want to know what the hell's going on. I have to know.

* * *

**June 8**

**Weight: Not weighing self till NEWTs are over**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (Maybe I should just accept myself for who I am, at this height?)**

**Calories: Not counting calories till after NEWTs**

**Ice cream: 2 (bad. Fear am becoming addicted)**

**Study: 0 (bad)**

**Meetings with Dumbledore: 1**

**Thoughts regarding Dumbledore's beard: 100+ (v bad)**

* * *

10am- Aggh I hate Madam Pomfrey. Feel asleep on Mary's bed last night, and she barged in and screamed at me to leave…. And dobbed me in to Minnie. Fear am going to be in even bigger trouble now. I guess the upside is… if I get expelled, I don't have to take the NEWTs? (That's not an upside).

Sweet Circe, our group has some serious shit to deal with. It turns out Remus is a werewolf. Sweet, gentle and possibly-gay Remus… turns into a werewolf every month. Honestly, it explains a lot about his monthly disappearances because of his 'sick mum'.

Because I know Remus would never intentionally hurt anyone, all I feel is sorry for him. I know in my heart this is all a very terrible- but honest- mistake. Unfortunately, Mary nearly got bitten- and possibly mauled- which makes all this very traumatic and tragic. She's still really shaken.

So I snuck to her bed in the Hospital Wing. She was still awake when I got there. I climbed onto the bed with her and just hugged her for a while as she cried- she's really broken up about this, the poor thing.

Then she told me. Apparently they were snogging, and then Remus started twitching like mad and said to Mary to run and that he was sorry because he forgot. But Mary had no idea what he was saying, because she didn't know he was a werewolf, so she panicked and stayed there and tried to help him when, in fact, he was morphing into a werewolf and there was nothing anyone could do to stop that. Once he morphed, it took her a short while to figure out what the hell had happened to her boyfriend, but then he started snarling and she freaked out and locked herself in the bathroom. Apparently he kept scratching at the door and she was sending protective charms at it the entire night to prevent him from getting in at her. When the Marauders found them, Remus was passed out (apparently this is normal for him post-werewolf phase), and it took them ages to bust into the bathroom cos Mary was still sending protective charms at the door.

She was so shaken. I've never seen Mary this freaked out. Now she's terrified of ever seeing Remus again (even though I tried to explain it's not his fault, I can still see how she's severely traumatised), and says she wants to leave school.

I think she'll probably need a few days to recover, poor thing. She'll almost definitely get 'special consideration' on her NEWTs, at least.

I wonder how Remus is dealing with all of this…

Oh well. I guess the main thing is that they are both safe. But it's scary to think Mary could now be infected or, worse, dead.

.

2pm- Ahhh fuck. Meeting with Dumbledore now. I'm so scared. Oh Merlin, I hope he doesn't expel me. Dumbledore, please don't expel me. I'll do whatever the hell you want, I'll even perform sexual favours if I must….

Just please don't expel me. School is the only normal thing I have left in my life. It's the only thing that is going somewhat right. PLEASE, if there is a God up there, do NOT make Dumbledore expel me.

.

3pm- Huh. He didn't expel me (good). I think I have a thing for men with facial hair. Damn, his beard is sexy. I'm kind of jealous, actually. I wish I were a guy and could have a beard like that. It must be so fun to stroke. I wish I could stroke it…

.

3.10pm- Lily's an Authoritarian Bitch and, really, she has no right to be given that she was being _extremely inappropriate_ herself, only the other night, with James Potter.

When she asked me how the meeting went, I confessed my admiration for Dumbledore's beard… and then she shouted at me and said:

'What's wrong with you, Anna? You just spent the past half hour being reprimanded by none other than Albus Dumbledore, and all you took from it that his 'beard is sexy'?'

I think was very cruel of her to go off at me in such a manner. I was only trying to put some much-needed humour in our lives. If I didn't think ridiculous things like that all the time, I'd be permanently suicidal. My life's not exactly anything to be proud of. I can either laugh at it, or cry over it. While I frequently cry over it (esp when drunk), I like to laugh at myself every now and then too.

But I think Lily's honestly just really stressed out about all of this. We've got NEWTs starting in a week, and now we're dealing with the biggest crisis of the year.

I think it's going to take a miracle to get our group through this one.

I think I'll go to that ice-cream place in Hogsmeade and bring Mary some ice-cream. Am sure it'll cheer her up.

* * *

**June 9**

**Weight: Not weighing self till NEWTs are over**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (Maybe I should just accept myself for who I am, at this height?)**

**Calories: Not counting calories till after NEWTs**

**Ice cream: 1 (better)**

**Study: 10 (excellent, but have a lot to make up for)**

**Thoughts regarding Dumbledore's beard: 10-ish (improving)**

* * *

10pm- Okay, I feel things are going to get back to normal-ish now, as Remus and Mary have made up. Mary loves him again, and forgives him as she has finally gotten over her shock enough to realise that Remus can't help that he is a werewolf and that the other night was a very terrible, but honest, mistake. Apparently Remus visited her in hospital this morning and they talked things through and- even though he tried to break up with her, saying that she's too good for him and he should never have allowed her to be in a relationship with him- she somehow talked him out of it and now they are a Smug Couple once more.

I'm v glad about this, as things were _really _tense between us girls and boys, and I didn't like that. I like our usual group dynamic- even if the Smug Couple-ness annoys the hell out of me. It's nice when we all get along.

Remus himself then came and spoke to Lily and I and he looked so ashamed and pale and sad that we couldn't help hugging him and telling him that we still love him.

Then, I said something which made Lily go all AB on me again (but Remus laughed, so I figure it was a good thing)-

'You're kind of like us girls, in a way. You turn into a psychopathic beast once a month.'

Lily gasped and said how I was totally inappropriate yadayada, but Remus laughed and I hugged him and ignored Lily who is always trying to be so boring and politically-correct.

I then continued to say how it explains why Mary seems to think he is such a beast in the sack and that it obviously has it's perks. Lily gasped and Remus blushed, but I think he was secretly pleased to know Mary thinks he's amazing in bed. Honestly, what guy wouldn't like that?

Anyway, so I think both Remus and Mary are going to be fine. Mary is still a little twitchy, but will leave the hospital wing tomorrow (thank GOD for that, because Lily's been driving me nuts with her AB-ness, I need Mary to come back and be the Lily-buffer.)

Also, finally got a good day of study in. Obviously Mary is more important than NEWTs, but was getting panicky at lack of study so close to exams. Agggh I'm so nervous about them!

Okay, I think will take a walk to Hogsmeade for an ice-cream (walk is good, as will clear my head a bit) and then will go to bed at 11, ready for a positive day of study tomorrow.

Good plan!

.

1am- Why does Sirius always ruin my plans? Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyy? I need to learn how to say no to him once in a while…

* * *

**June 10**

**Weight: Not weighing self till NEWTs are over**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (Maybe I should just accept myself for who I am, at this height?)**

**Calories: Not counting calories till after NEWTs**

**Ice cream: 2 scoops (becoming an addiction, I fear)**

**Study: 4 (V.V. THIS CLOSE TO NEWTs)**

**Thoughts regarding Dumbledore's beard: 20-ish (worsening)**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 100+ (v. v. bad)**

* * *

11am- Just woke up. Bad! Bad! Bad! On plus side, Mary has just returned. Yay!

.

12 noon- Right. We're going to have a group lunch now, and then am going to study for the rest of the afternoon/evening.

.

1pm- Mary has had a change of perspective after her brush with death, and doesn't care about study. She's going to Hogsmeade because she 'needs to relax'.

She's been relaxing in the Hospital Wing for the past few days! What does she need to relax for?

But am v happy to see her being normal again, so will walk with her. She said we'll only be an hour. To be very honest, I have a real hankering for that ice-cream…

(Note to self: Remember to write down last night re: Sirius before I forget).

.

5pm- Okay. Am v stressed now. Just got back from Hogsmeade. Lily has been studying all this time and told me off for not studying. I was only being a good friend! Okay. Must study now…

.

6pm- Agggh! Just spent the past hour with Mary, giggling about my lust for Dumbledore's beard. Also, Horace walked past and thanked me for introducing him to Miss Honey. Apparently they have a date in a few days' time. He wants a counselling session tomorrow. But FUCK, I need to study! I have no time to counsel my teacher! Will ask girls what to do.

.

6.10pm- Hmm. Lily went crazy and said I shouldn't be counselling my counsellor and should certainly not go to Sluggie tomorrow. But I feel bad for Horace. Would be good if he could at least find a steady gf by the end of the school year/our sessions- I'd feel like I'd accomplished _something_.

.

6.15pm- Have decided will stop by Horace's office for 15 mins just to give him some quick tips/encouragement. I'm sure I can afford a 15 min break tomorrow. Also, must remember to write about last night with Sirius. Has been on my mind all day… But will study now. Might write it out tomorrow. Yes.

.

11pm- Holy cow, my NEWTs are in a few days' time, and I know nothing.

I. Am. Screwed

I think if I ever got a business card, it should read-

Anna Jones- Failure at Life.

Yeah, that sounds about right…

Okay. Will try reading about History of Magic to put myself to sleep…

* * *

**Another quite fast update! I felt so loved by all your reviews that I wanted to reward you with another chapter. I know it wasn't 'as funny', but I feel that 'the gang' are at a point in the year where they're not going to be kidding around **_**too **_**much.**

**Next chapter-**

'_I have decided to become an Italian woman. Italians are all beautiful sex goddesses. I am going to eat ice-cream and pasta and drink espressos, and live la dolce vita. Forget Grace Kelly, I'm going to be like Sophia Loren- a sexily curvaceous sex goddess. Come to think of it, Helen Asteria was Greek… seems like Sirius has a 'thing' for Mediterranean women. Interesting….'_

**Until then, please be so kind as to continue your amazingly wonderful work on the review-front, and I myself shall try to continue to be awesome at updating quickly!**

**Lots of love,**

**Anya**


	18. Chapter 18: June 11 to 14

**June 11**

* * *

**Weight: Not weighing self till NEWTs are over**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (Maybe I should just accept myself for who I am, at this height?)**

**Calories: Not counting calories till after NEWTs**

**Drinks: 5 (v.v.v.)**

**Movies: 1 (Good movie, but of me)**

**Ice cream: 1 scoop (improving)**

**Study: 4 hours (v.)**

**Thoughts regarding Dumbledore's beard: 1 (excellent)**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 200- 300 (v. v. bad)**

**Success as counsellor: Huge!**

* * *

**8am**- In all the excitement of these past few days, it occurred to me just now that I've had no more interview requests. Am I a forgotten celebrity already? This is v. depressing. Seems like Sirius' plan didn't work after all. I suppose I'd better pass my exams then… fuck. Am going to fail.

.

8.10am- Okay. Am going to quickly write about the other night with Sirius now, while Lily and Mary are still getting ready for breakfast-

So, I was walking to Hogsmeade to get my daily fix of ice cream when I chanced upon Sirius. I don't know how much this has to do with chance. Actually, it has nothing to do with chance as he said he was looking for me. Then he asked me where I was going and I got so embarrassed that I started mumbling…

'Where?' he said, looking at me like I was crazy (which I am).

'For some ice-cream,' I admitted, blushing.

He brightened up at this.

'Oh good! It's quite warm tonight, isn't it? Are you going alone?'

He frowned at this, and I felt so pathetic.

'Yes,' I grumbled.

'Mind if I join you?'

Hah. Would I mind? Oh I don't know…. I've only spent the past seven years lusting for you…

Okay. Will stop and continue to faithfully document the evening-

I shrugged and we went to the passageway to Hogsmeade. We were pretty quiet for the walk there. When we ordered our ice-cream, instead of leaving back for school, Sirius took a seat outside. While the concept of returning to school for an early night did cross my mind, I must be honest and admit that I was thrilled at the prospect of another… what? It's not a date!

Well, whatever one calls those sessions I have with Sirius, I was glad to have another one of them.

We ate our ice cream quietly for a while, and then Sirius spoke-

'I heard what you did for Remus. That was good of you.'

I frowned.

'What did I do?'

'You accepted him for what he is.'

I couldn't help laughing at this.

'Hello! Haven't you met me? I'm a walking disaster. I'll be the last person to judge anyone on this earth. And Remus isn't ridiculous or idiotic. He's a werewolf. I honestly don't see what the big deal is. He just turns once a month, right?'

Sirius laughed a little.

'It's a bit of a big deal. There's a big stigma against werewolves.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Yes, but you said it was 'good of me' to accept him for what he is. It's not good of me. It just makes me normal. It's like saying I accept you for having black hair. Isn't that ridiculous? You can't help that your hair's black!'

Sirius smiled a little.

'I wish more people were like you.'

I laughed.

'Really, you don't. This world would be a disaster if everyone was like me.'

We both laughed at this and then Sirius smirked.

'It was nice of you to tell him Mary thinks he's good in bed too. He seemed quietly chuffed about this.'

Hah. Take that Lily. I am awesome and better than you at making people feel better with my inappropriate yet lovable comments! (hehe)

'He needed cheering up. Letting him know he's amazing in bed seems to be a surefire way to make any guy happy. Even a pseudo-gay one like Remus.'

Sirius laughed.

'Yeah, but you're just generally very good at making people feel better. Maybe you should go into counselling or something.'

I stared at him, horrified (though love that he thinks I make people feel better!)

'Professionally?'

He laughed.

'Yeah, I think your methods are quite unconventional…. But they work. Remus even said that you helped Mary rationalise the whole situation. Apparently she said that it was you who made her realise none of this is Remus's fault.'

I was surprised at this.

'Really?'

Sirius nodded.

'Yes. Our group owes a lot to you. I know for a fact that Remus would have been a mess had he not worked things out with Mary. He was suicidal for the first night. We had to keep watch over him to prevent him from harming himself.'

This makes me so sad. Poor Remus. It's not his fault! I just want to go hug him again. Actually, he just came downstairs. Am going to hug him right now!

.

8.15am- Hmph. Went and hugged him and he blushed and looked all confused, and then Mary snapped at me to stop trying to steal her boyfriend. Remus looked like he was about to cry when Mary called him her 'boyfriend'- and then she snogged him and they went off to bfast.

Bitch. I was only trying to make Remus feel better. We all need more hugs, I think.

Anyway, I'm quite proud of Mary. She's put the whole thing right behind her and isn't allowing Remus to discuss it any further. She is a v. good girlfriend, really. I wonder if they'll get married soon? She had better make me Maid of Honour… If Lily wins that role, I'll kill them both. I won't. But I'll be v disappointed, I think.

Right… must finish… ahh, but Sirius is coming down the stairs. Okay. Later…

.

10am- I think I love Sirius again. He put extra food on my plate and said I needed my energy to study- and then winked at me! Words can't describe how sexy he is when he winks.

Agghhh. Why was I such a dumb child! I should've shagged him when I had the chance- when we were toddlers, playing naked in the paddling pool. Grr.

.

10.10am- Maybe mother can arrange a marriage between us? I never thought I'd secretly wish for an arranged marriage.

.

10.14am- Let's face it. An arranged marriage- to anyone- seems to be the only way I'll ever end up married.

.

10.15am- I think I'm depressed.

.

10.16am- This reminds me… haven't heard from dad in a while. Am going to write to him. He had better respond, and not be too busy shagging Shirley. I know mum's still alive. She was in the DP this morning. Apparently she's listed as a 'socialite to watch'. Bet she _loooooves_ that.

.

10.17am- I truly am psychic. Just received a newspaper clipping from mum- just in case I'd missed the tiny article on her.

WHY DOES NO ONE WANT TO WRITE ANY MORE ARTICLES ON ME? Am v. sad now.

.

10.18am- Maybe if I became like mother (i.e. a glorified tart) would have more newsarticles? This is quite problematic, though, as need men to be interested in me if am to be a glorified tart. Oooh Witch Weekly!

.

10.25am- Apparently Italian women have been rated the 'sexiest witches' by men. Hmmm… interesting… Must research this concept further tonight.

.

10.29am- Okay. Am going to study properly now.

.

1pm- Lunch is pasta! Pasta is actually v delicious. Maybe should consider trying to be more Italian? Hmm, have never been to Italy. I don't know any Italian girls, either. Maybe Helen Asteria was Italian? Will just ask James.

.

1.10pm- No, she's Greek. Hmm. Hmmm. Hmmm.

.

1.30pm- Okay, going to counsel Horace for half an hour- maximum!

.

2.30pm- Ended up being an hour. Oh well- was VERY worth it! He's doing well. Honey seems v interested in him. I actually think he's going to make it with her….

He also said I should be very 'well read' on the Boredness Potion for my NEWTs. He's such a cheater…

But I DON'T CARE! I SHALL TAKE WHATEVER HELP I CAN GET!

(Should I tell Mary and Lily? I don't know…. Will tell Mary, but just strongly recommend it to Lily. I think she'll be the type to dob me in if she knows that Sluggie's been dropping me hints.

.

2.45pm- Hmph. Lily is studying with James today. Mary and I have decided the boredness potion is the most boring one ever. We are going to have a drink now, to hopefully make it less boring. Love Mary. V. Much.

.

2.48pm- Or two…

.

3pm- Hehehe. Mary wants to write in this journal. Because she is my bestest friend ever, am allowing her the honour of doing a 'guest' entry:

.

Dear Anna's Diary,

This is Mary, hear. No, it should be here. Sorry. We are very drunk at the moment. Don't be mad at Anna for getting drunk. The boredness potion is the boringest potion in the world and that makes it extremely well… boring to study.

I want you to know that I love Anna very much, and she is my best friend and I love her. Anna also wants me to swear in this diary that when I marry Remus, I will make her my Maid of Honour (even though I know Lily would be more organised and better at it). But I agree to this, as Anna is my best friend and has always been there for me. We have held each other's hair as we've vomited (separately, not instantaneously… obviously), and we are soul sisters.

I think I've had enough of writing in here. I honestly don't know how Anna's kept writing in this all year. Though it does show that she can do anything if she puts her mind to it! I never expected her to have maintained a diary for so long.

Love,

Mary.

.

4pm- We are going for ice-cream now. Will refesh us. Ta ta.

.

10pm- We went to the movies and saw an Italian film called 'La Dolce Vita'. Was beautiful. I want to be beautiful, even when doing ridiculous things like prancing around in a fountain! On a side note, I wish I had tits as big as Anita Ekberg. Hmph. Perhaps can magically enhance them? Must remember to look this up tomorrow.

* * *

**June 12**

**Weight: Not weighing self till NEWTs are over**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (Maybe I should just accept myself for who I am, at this height?)**

**Calories: Not counting calories till after NEWTs**

**Drinks: 1 (But red wine, so good)**

**Ice cream: 2 scoops**

**Pasta: Twice (lunch + dinner)**

**Study: 8 hours (better)**

**Italian words learnt: 17 (excellent)**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 100 (improvement)**

**Lust for Sirius upon finding out he knows some Italian: Even bigger**

**Lily: Authoritatian Bitch**

**.**

8 am- I have decided to become an Italian woman. Italians are all beautiful sex goddesses. I am going to eat ice-cream and pasta and drink espressos, and live la dolce vita. Forget Grace Kelly, I'm going to be like Sophia Loren- a sexily curvaceous sex goddess. Come to think of it… seems like Sirius has a 'thing' for Mediterranean women. Interesting….

Okay. Am going to breakfast. Will drink coffee and eschew bacon and eggs for a more Italian 'simple' breakfast of plain toast… or croissant, which I hear they call a 'cornetto' over there. Haha, I keep thinking of the ice cream. Oh Merlin, I want that ice cream. I tried the liquorice flavour last night and it was A-MAZING!

.

9am- Ohmygosh! Sirius knows a bit of Italian! His sex god factor just increased a hundred-fold. He says he's better at French- and proceeded to mutter something to me in the very sexy and throaty French language- which caused Pottyhead to snigger for some reason- and then he said he would teach me a few things in Italian.

I first asked him why he knew so many languages. Here is our conversation-

'My family has a chateau in Southern France, so we usually went there during the summer break. That's why I'm better at French.'

'And Italian?'

'We'd often go there for a couple of weeks. The Lestranges had a place in Florence. Apparently there's some link between our family and the Medicis and the Borgias…' (apparently this has something to do with Muggle history, which I know nothing of).

Damn. Sirius is SO out of my league. It makes me want to cry. Instead, will practise my Italian.

'So can you teach me to say something?'

'Okay. Let's start with introducing yourself- _Mi chiamo Anna'_

I repeated, and he laughed. Apparently I have very bad pronunciation. What's worse, I'm a bit retarded when it comes to rolling my 'r's.' Fucking Hell. Being Italian seems like it's going to be harder work than I initially anticipated.

He then taught me how to count to ten, and how to say good day, which is '_Bongiorno_,' good evening- '_Buonasera_', and goodnight '_Buonanotte_'.

And apparently bye-bye is '_Arrivederci_'.

Bloody hell. They use so many r's! Am going to practise rolling my r's…

.

9.20am- Hmph. Lily is an authoritarian bitch. She told me to study and not waste time learning Italian. She said I'm terrible at Italian anyway. To add to her bitch factor, she rolls her r's perfectly and apparently speaks German fluently.

Am I the only one who can't speak another language? Even Mary speaks a little French. She taught me how to say 'do you want to shag me' which, according to her, is the only useful phrase when presented with a Frenchman. Will write it down for future use (possibly… I hope):

_Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?_

Haha, it even _sounds _sexy! Perhaps my biggest hindrance in becoming a sex goddess has always been inability to speak a European language. Though, I must say, I don't much care for German. It doesn't sound that sexy. Hah. Take that Lily. I know this isn't exactly good of me to say, but it's kind of funny that Lily now has two things in common with Hitler: being an Authoritarian Bitch, and speaking German. Hmm now all she needs that moustache…. He he… FUCK! She needs to stop ordering me around! Okay. Am going to study now… magic, not Italian. _Arrivederci_!

.

9pm- Phew! Big day of study! Am feeling slightly more confident for NEWTs. I think I may actually pass them… I hope!

Mary and I are now going to go to the kitchens for a glass of wine and practise our Italian. Mary wants in on the whole 'becoming an Italian sex goddess' concept.

.

11pm- Lily's asleep. We're going to paint a Hitler moustache on her now. He he he…

* * *

**June 13**

**Weight: Not weighing self till NEWTs are over**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (Maybe I should just accept myself for who I am, at this height?)**

**Calories: Not counting calories till after NEWTs**

**Drinks: 1 (But red wine which is very good for the heart)**

**Ice cream: 1**

**Pasta: Twice (lunch + dinner)**

**Study: 7 hours (Good.)**

**Practise tests: 2 (100% in Divination- excellent!)**

**Italian words learnt: 4 (v. bad)**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 50 (Magnifico!)**

**Lust for Sirius upon finding out he knows no other words in Italian: Decresased (yay!)**

**Lily: Authoritatian Bitch**

* * *

8am- Lily hasn't woken up yet. Hahahaha. Can't wait for her reaction. We are going to go to the common room lest she try murdering us a la Hitler.

.

8.10am- AGGGGH!

.

9am- Lily is furious. I don't blame her. The Hitler moustche isn't coming off completely…. There's still a bit of a stain on her upper lip. Everyone- including Potterhead, who is really trying his best not to laugh- found it hilarious though. Even Sirius winked at me and said 'that's my girl' to me. I'm his girl?

Well, honestly, I know I'm not. Doesn't mean I don't like the concept…

On a plus side, Lily doesn't want to study with us today and says Mary and I are a 'bunch of fools who should realise that this is not a time in our lives for fooling around with stupid pranks'. She says she's going to study with James today. Mary and I are pleased at this as we can study, but not be snapped at each time we go a little off topic- it's only natural that we should digress a bit! Anyway, the brain needs humour and a break, every now and then!

On Sirius- he doesn't know any more Italian other than '_Ciao bella'_, and '_Magnifico_'. This is problematic. Mary and I are thinking of taking a trip to Hogsmeade and investing in an Italian phrasebook. I think it is a good investment. We have decided to purchase said book as soon as our final NEWT is over. I think this is best.

.

9.10am- Mary and I have decided to kiss each other's cheeks 'Italian-style' each time we see each other, and say 'Ciao bella'. He he . This is so much fun! Okay, we're going to study for a bit.

.

12 noon- Hmmm, still upset at lack of requests for interviews. I am really starting to think have a flair for divination. Just got 100% on a practise test! Go me!

.

1pm- He he. Just had lunch. Sirius went up to me flamboyantly and said 'Ciao bella!' before kissing me with lots of gusto on each cheek. Still feel a little giddy to be quite honest. Daniel glared at us from across the room, so we made a show of our 'love' by sitting next to each other. Sirius even fed me a few times. Kept trying not to laugh (and burst at the concept of being fed so sexily by the Sex God himself). Ahhhh… don't ever want school to end!

.

6pm- Yay! Dinner. I'm starving. Wonder if Sirius is going to feed me again…

.

6.30pm- Hmph. Sirius is not at dinner. Feeling v deflated now. Mary says not to worry and that I should 'Mange'. Haha. Love Mary. We are eating pasta!

.

7pm- Feel a bit bad about Lily now. It was just a joke, though. She needs to learn to chillax a bit. We apologised, and yet she's still all miffy.

Okay. We are going to do 2 more hours of study, and then go for some ice-cream.

.

8.30pm- We are both exhausted. Going for ice cream now. Ciao!

.

11pm- Why wasn't Sirius at dinner? Hmmph. Anyway, on the way back from Hogsmeade, Mary and I discussed how we can increased our cup sizes. Apparently she has a book at home on 'cosmetic charms'…. She's going to write to her mum and ask she send it in. Imagine if I can magically enhance my boobs! That'd be so amazing… Okay! _Buonanotte!_

* * *

**June 14**

**Weight: Not weighing self till NEWTs are over**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (Maybe I should just accept myself for who I am, at this height?)**

**Calories: Not counting calories till after NEWTs**

**Drinks: 0 (NEWTs tomorrow! Aggggh!)**

**Ice cream: 0 (Good)**

**Pasta: Twice (lunch + dinner)**

**Study: 12 hours (excellent)**

**Practise tests: 5 **

**Lily: Genius**

**Mary: Bad influence, but still love her.**

* * *

**10am- **Oh Merlin. Oh Merlin. Am hyperventilating. NEWTs start tomorrow. Am so stupid. What was I doing trying to be Italian at a time like this? Fuck, am so stupid!

.

12noon- Lily is a genius child. I love her. She has provided us with her 'one page summaries' for quick revision. Am v. repentful for ever painting Hitler moustache on her.

.

3pm- Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Am fucked.

.

8pm- What was I doing all year, lusting for Sirius or Daniel during class! Should have payed attention. Why am I so silly? WHY?

.

11pm- Am meant to go to bed to be fresh for DADA NEWT tomorrow, but can't sleep. Am terrified. Oh Sweet Circe. PLEASE let me pass. PLEASE. I'll do anything. ANYTHING!

.

1am- Agh.

.

3am- Still can't sleep.

.

4am- Lily is muttering charm incantations in her sleep. Want to strangle her to shut her up, as she is keeping me awake.

.

7am- Oh FUCK! It's tomorrow. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

* * *

**If you all knew how similar my own life is to Anna's… I think you'd all feel extremely sorry for me. Except mine's worse, as I don't have any form of sex god like Sirius in my life. **

**Next chapter is the big one! NEWTs have arrived! Dun dun dun…**

'_I can't believe it. I was so bored while writing out the technique for the Boredness Potion that I fell asleep. Who falls asleep in their NEWT? I am ridiculous. Completely, and utterly ridiculous!'_

**Haven't I been v. good at updating lately? Please leave me lots and lots of reviews to inspire another chapter to come your way extra soon!**

**Lots of love,**

**Anya**

**P.S. Mary drew some amazing pics of scenes from this story. The links are on my profile page. Go check them out… and a HUGE thanks to Mary for drawing them! **


	19. Chapter 19: June 15 to 17

**June 15**

**No figures today. They are irrelevant.**

* * *

8am- Holy fuck. I have to go sit my DADA exam in 2 hours. I'm so nervous. I think I'm going to die. Actually, that's a good way of getting out of it…

Fuck! Okay. Am going to do some last minute revision. I'm so tired. Got no sleep last night and I can't stop shaking! Aggggh!

.

6pm- Oh my sweet Circe, that worse horrible. I totally fucked it up. What's worse, is that Daniel was there, watching me during my practical exam. It totally threw me off. He just stared at me, with this smug grin on his face. I totally fucked up against the boggart. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It was me- during fourth year when I was so pissed off at mother that I went on hunger strike… and ended up in the St Mungo's Psych ward.

You'd think my boggart would be me being obese or something. But no, I'm terrified of being thin… again. What the fuck is wrong with me?

And then I, the stupid git that I am, burst into tears and the examiner had to vanquish the fucking boggart for me.

FUCK.

It was so, so bad. I'm a wreck. I actually broke down as soon as I got out and I can't do anything else tonight. Mary was good. She knows about that little St Mungo's stint, so she's looking after me now. We're going to go to Hogsmeade for some ice-cream and she says we should get the Italian book now because there's no time like the present to start our Italian sex goddessness.

.

11pm- Okay. I'm better now. Had a few drinks, ice-cream, and we got the book and learnt a few new phrases too.

Merlin. I haven't thought about 4th year in so long. It's… I dunno. I felt over it, you know? I felt like it was totally forgotten. I mean, I still calorie count etc, but I don't think I can ever go back to that. I just remember feeling totally shit and empty and constantly sick. It was horrible.

And I've been so happy since then- fat, as I am- that I really just… gah. This is annoying. I don't talk about it, much less write about it. But I think, after today, it might help… maybe?

It was the last week of holidays, and I remember walking into mum's bedroom to ask her if we could go shopping. Instead, I was met with the image of mum shagging our gardener (I still hate her for it). I was shocked, but she said it wasn't what it looked like. I remember crying a lot, and her saying that she loved daddy and that it was all a silly misunderstanding and that I shouldn't worry myself about it.

I felt sick. It was like my whole world had been turned upside down. Suddenly, my falsely perfect happy society family as just a sham, and I felt ashamed and ridiculous.

Without any time to process it, I was sent back to school and, honestly, it's actually very easy to not eat here at Hogwarts. No one really checks on you. Obviously you have your friends, but we're all too focused on our own problems to really notices when someone else is starting to slip up.

So I didn't eat for ages. On some days when I felt a bit dizzy, I'd have a glass of milk.

And then I started throwing up because I was so sick… and then the fainting came. I kept ending up in the Hospital Wing, yet no one knew what was wrong with me. See, when you start off chubby, but haven't eaten hardly anything for a whole month, you're not stick thin. You don't look like you're sick.

But you're still starved and going mad.

I guess I was on the lower end of normal, but not skeletal enough to cause alarm.

Not yet, anyway.

I found ways of stopping the fainting. I started eating tiny amounts of food- just enough not to have any more episodes. But that was when I really became underweight. It was only when Mary accidentally walked in on me in the nude that she realised just how thin I'd become. She didn't say anything, but surveyed me for a while and noticed I hadn't eaten anything for the entire day.

Then she did something which made me hate her at the time. But now I will forever love her for being the only one to care-

She reported me to Minnie.

After a quick assessment by Madam Pomfrey, I was whisked off to St Mungo's against my will.

I guess that must've been where I truly developed my loopy streak. There were a lot of nutters there.

I had lots of counselling sessions and, all through that time, my dad was there every day. My mother showed up on the odd occasion. I hated her, and still hate her for doing that firstly to me- and now to dad. But I guess, now- especially now that dad's found Shirley- it's probably for the best that he's escaped her floozy clutches.

I've had a lot of time to think about it. I don't think my mother's necessarily evil. I just think she's a false and superficial woman. If you knew her mother (my grandma), you'd understand why.

What I'll never understand, however, is what my father ever saw in her. But she was always stunning, so I suppose she was a bit like a Veela- hooked him before he got the chance to realise what he was really signing up for.

Anyway. On the days mum visited, my progress would take a turn for the worse. Soon, the therapists cottoned on to the fact that perhaps she had something to do with it. I'll never forget the day where they forced us to have joint counselling- and then the counsellor told my mum off, right there and then, for being so insensitive.

That was the day I started laughing again. My mum's face was just so shocked and incredulous that- if you had seen it- you'd have laughed too. I just burst out laughing then, and couldn't stop.

I think that's the day I got better. They kept telling me I was 'anorexic', but I still don't agree. While I always knew I was fat and should lose a few pounds, I never cared enough about it to put myself through the torture of not eating.

I think, honestly, I always intended on getting into St Mungo's just to hurt mum; to get a bit of attention and remorse from her. Or, rather, to punish her for doing that to dad and I.

I can't say my attempt succeeded or was at all worth it. She's worse than ever now.

Soon enough the therapists realised that the real problem was my mother in all of this- because I was eating like crazy (and putting on heaps of weight too) after that session. They suggested that while I should have some 'touch base' sessions after I was discharged, abd that my mother should get a therapist. It was possibly the happiest moment I'd had in a long time.

So then I went back to school and all was better. Mary kept a close eye on me- and has kind of continued to do so- and I went back to being chubby but kind of happy. I _was_ happy. Coming out of St Mungo's felt like I'd been released from a very horrible nightmare. I think it also made me realise that I shouldn't fuck myself up over my mum's issues.

Which is why I now love food so much. I know I sometimes go on ridiculous diets, but I don't think I'll ever be able to last. Food is just so wonderful. That doesn't mean I shouldn't lose weight once these NEWTs are over etc, but I know, deep down, I won't ever return to that psych ward in St Mungo's. I hope not, anyway.

Mmm. I feel weird now. This is silly. I'm silly. I can't believe I broke down in my DADA NEWT. That memory felt so repressed that I just… it was quite confronting. I never realised I was that thin, though. It was kind of unsettling. I now see what Sirius means when he says he prefers curvier girls. I looked terrible!

Oh well… I guess I'd better go to sleep. I've got a Potions NEWT tomorrow I'd like to pass…

* * *

**June 16**

**Am refraining from documenting figures during NEWT week.**

**.**

9am- Feeling much better today. Slept well last night, and am being positive. Mary and I are going in with positive attitudes. Lily is offloading her stress on Potter, who looks rather green himself. She tried stressing out on us, but Mary said that I had a very difficult day yesterday and that she wasn't to bother me. Love Mary. She is my soulmate. I told her this, and she said I was hers too. Hmm, if she never marries Remus, maybe we could live together like spinster-ladies- Learning Italian together, cooking, partying, getting drunk… sounds fun. I'd include Lily, but I'm 99.9% certain she's going to marry Potterhead.

.

9.20am- Aww love Sirius! He just gave me a hug. Was v. v. nice. He smells lovely. Didn't want to let go, so he hugged me again. He told me I shouldn't stress and that I'm a secret genius. I only wish that were true!

.

3pm- Fucking hell. Only I could be so ridiculous. I can't believe it. I was so bored while writing out the technique for the Boredness Potion that I fell asleep. Who falls asleep in their NEWT? I am ridiculous. Completely, and utterly ridiculous!

Thankfully, Sirius sent a hex at me and woke me up, so I finished the paper just in time. I hugged him again afterwards, I was so thankful. I've never been so grateful for a hexing in my life! But I don't think I could've dealt with two failed NEWTs…

Everyone (except for Lily, who is looking at me as if I'm some kind of alien) keeps laughing at me about it. They can laugh all they like, but I saw Potterhead yawning A LOT during that exam!

Anyway. Thanks to Sirius (and really a very BIG thanks because he risked a lot in sending that hex to wake me) all is ok. I hope…

Right. Divination NEWT on Thurs, as well as History of Magic. Final NEWT is Charms (thank MERLIN for that), on Friday.

At least I have tomorrow off! These NEWTs are so bloody exhausting. I really should study tonight, but I'm so exhausted. May just go have a nanna nap. Mary and Lily are studying for their Ancient Runes test, which is tomorrow, tonight, anyway.

.

10pm- Oh fuck. Just woke up. Fuck. I slept for 6 hours straight! Now my sleep cycle's going to be totally screwed. Aiiii.

I wonder if I can sneak off to Hogsmeade for some ice-cream at this hour? They shut at midnight…

.

10.15pm- Sirius has said he'll accompany me, as he too has tomorrow off. Yay! I wonder if I'll get to hug him again… Hmmmm….

.

12 midnight. Hmph. No hugs. Or snogs. Or shags. He was v boring tonight. He's got bags under his eyes, and seems to have no sleep over the past few days. All he did was crap on about the NEWTs and how glad he'll be once they're over, on Friday….

But we did discuss that we should throw a big Gryffindor 'end of Exams' party on Saturday. I think this is a marvellous idea. Can't remember the last time I was drunk. I miss it.

.

12.10am- Is v. bad for me to plan getting drunk. Very un-Italian, and un-sex-goddessful.

.

12.20am- But everyone needs to let off some steam, right? And it's the end-of-NEWTs party! When am I going to have such a golden opportunity as that ever again?

.

12.30am- I had better get a drunken snog with Sirius at that party. I'm just saying…

.

1am- Agh. Can't sleep. Wish I could shag Sirius to tire me out. Or, really, wish I had _anyone_ to shag. Doesn't necessarily have to be Sirius though, of course, he would be my first preference. Hmmm, maybe could get him to shag me tomorrow under the pretence of 'stress relief shagging'? He looks like he could do with some…

.

1.10am- Just remembered! Sirius and I are shagging tomorrow. Fuck! I meant to write studying tomorrow. Now there's a Freudian slip if ever I saw one. But I won't cross it out. I like the way that sentence looks… 'Sirius and I are shagging'… it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!

.

1.20am- Okay. Am going to concentrate on sleeping. Must sleep.

.

1.21am- I don't understand the concept of 'counting sheep'. Never works for me.

.

1.22am- Or why 'zzz' is used to denote sleep. No one makes a 'zzz' noise when they sleep. I could understand it if that was used to imply a fly was buzzing around, but I will never understand what 'zzz' could possibly have to do with sleep.

.

1.30am- Okay, am going to think about History of Magic… oh wow. Already feel sleepy. Goodnight!

* * *

**June 17**

9am- Where is Sirius? We're meant to be studying together!

.

9.30am- Sirius still not here. Will just check Boys' Dorms…

.

1pm- Sirius was sleeping still. Poor thing, he looked so exhausted. He was also so irresistibly gorgeous that I couldn't but help staring at him.

Then he muttered 'Jones, stop staring at me!' and I screamed and went to run out of the room but, unfortunately, turned and hit my head on the post of his bed.

When I came to, he was staring down at me and I felt like I'd died and gone to Heaven…

He then helped me up, but I was still a bit dizzy/unbalanced, so he made me lie in his bed (har har) and told me to wait there. Then he came back with some water and he was so sweet and tired and lovely that I felt bad, but kind of wished it could go on forever.

He then sat on the edge of his bed and closed his eyes sleepily.

'Why are you so tired?'

'James kept talking in his sleep,' he muttered, rubbing his eyes. 'I don't sleep very well during exam periods.'

'Me neither,' I said, suddenly chirpy. 'Makes me wish I had someone to shag to put me to sleep.'

Sirius grinned at this- and it was the first time I'd seen him smile that day- so I figured that was a good thing. I continued-

'But I'm sure you have plenty of girls you could shag. Why don't you just get one and shag her?'

He raised an eyebrow (v sexily, if I say so myself).

'I think I'm done with that.'

I stared at him, aghast.

'Oh no, you're not gay, are you? Please tell me you're not!'

'And why would you care?' he teased.

'Because,' I sighed. 'I need to know that not every single beautiful male creature in this world is either a cheating bastard, or gay. There has to be at least a few good, honest, straight ones out there!'

Sirius laughed.

'Anna, I love you. Remind me to call you up if I'm ever feeling shit about my morning. You have no reservations about telling me I'm beautiful. Most girls don't do that.'

'Yeah,' I sighed. 'I shouldn't. It inflates your ego too much… but I can't help it. I think you and I both know that you're beautiful and, seeing as I'm not going to be one of your girlfriends, I think I can afford to admit it.'

He glanced at me for a moment, and then became rather quiet.

'Maybe that's why we work so well together,' he said. 'Because we're just friends?'

I felt my heart sinking. I was in his damned bed for Merlin's sake! Couldn't he find it in his heart to just shag me? I know I'm fat, and not the most stunning girl out there, but I can't be _that_ bad, can I?

Am I that repulsive that he won't even shag me, out of charity? Gahhh!

I became very quiet then and, because I didn't want to cry, I just slumped down in the bed and pulled the covers over my head. Sometimes I do this when I don't want to face the world. It makes me feel good… temporarily, at least. Though it didn't work as well as I'd have liked this time, because his sheets smelled so much like him.

Maybe I can just buy his cologne and then spray it all over my sheets? Is that weird? It probably is… but I know that I'd probably sleep well forevermore. Hmm, will look into this. His cologne is probably quite expensive. Hmm. Hmmm…

Anyway, then I felt him lying down next to me and he hugged me to him and said 'Jones, I'm really tired, and you're possibly concussed. Can we just sleep this off for a bit?'

Let me say, I am SO glad that I'm not a guy. If I were, I'd probably have had a raging (and very obvious) erection at this point and I'd have been found out and outcast as his friend…

Anyway, I murmured that was fine. And so I spent the next couple of hours being spooned by Sirius Black. It was amazing and lovely and FUCKING DEPRESSING.

I must be the ONLY girl to have ever slept in his bed, and been spooned by him, and yet NOT shagged by him. Why doesn't he want to shag me? Fuck this stupid 'friends' thing. Can't we just have a bit of sex as well? Friends with benefits, right? I'm sure it'd do the both of us some good to release some of that tension and stress and pent up… gahhhh

This is not working. No, it isn't. I can't function like this. I must be the most un-sexed person in my year. Look at me! It's 1pm and I'm hornier than a 13 year old boy.

Okay. I'm going to Hogsmeade. I'm going to buy some anti-lust potion. I desperately need it. I'm going to die if I don't.

.

4pm- Bloody Sirius. He saw me leaving for Hogsmeade and was like –

'Where are you going?'

And then I tried to mutter something about Hogsmeade, and then he said he'd come with me.

Fucking hell.

We went to the apothecary- he was now chirpy and bright, having recovered from his lack of sleep. I was sullen, sexually frustrated as hell, and pissed off that he was so cruel and heartless for not shagging me.

When we reached the apothecary, he went to come in with me.

'No, you wait here,' I snapped at him. 'You're not coming with me.'

He frowned.

'Why not?'

'Because. I said so.'

'But Jones, he said, 'what if you purchase green hair dye again?'

'I won't,' I snapped. 'Just wait here.'

He followed me in, nonetheless, and I screamed.

'What's wrong with you! Why can't you let me get what I need in private?'

He looked at me suspiciously.

'Oh fuck, you're not pregnant, are you?'

'Pregnant? Anna! Oh ANNA! You silly, silly girl! What did I always tell you? They need to marry you first!'

I turned around, clenching my fists, to see my mother standing behind me, looking more fabulous than ever.

'Hello mother,' I said grimly.

'Anna,' she snapped. 'Is it true?'

I glared at Sirius.

'Yes. It is. And it's Sirius' baby.'

My mother gasped, and seized Sirius' arm.

'Sirius,' she said seriously. 'I hope you'll do the right thing by her. This is terrible for my reputation' [HER reputation! Gahhhh I hate that woman so, so much!] 'The least you can do to rectify the situation is to marry poor Anna.'

Poor Anna. Poor fucking Anna!

Fuck. Just rewriting this is pissing me off. She has learnt NOTHING in all these years. She has not one maternal bone in her body, that woman.

Sirius stared at me in shock.

'Are you actually?' he repeated, seriously this time.

I picked up a jar of anti-lust potion and slammed it on the counter, chucking 2 galleons too many at the sales assistant. Without another word, I stormed out of the apothecary, fleeing for the school. Sirius ran after me. I'm assuming my mother thought it'd be unbecoming to run down the main street of Hogsmeade, so I didn't see her again.

(But, again, this just proves how terrible she is. She believes her daughter is PREGNANT and cannot find it in her to care or do something about it).

'Anna!' he shouted. 'Anna! What the hell! Are you! And what did you buy?'

'Sirius!' I gasped. 'I need some space. You've waxed my pubes, you snogged me to try asserting that you're not gay, you're practically best friends with my mother and have not only met my parents, but their new partners…, you were with me the moment I found out about Daniel, Helen Asteria's coming to me and telling me to 'look after you'… it's just a bit much! You're always with me, doing things that aren't quite appropriate for people who are 'just friends'. But that doesn't mean you need to know every tiny detail about my life! You don't need to know what potion I'm buying. You don't need to know my period cycle because Merlin knows you're never going to fucking shag me…'

I trailed off and realised from the look on his face that I'd gone too far.

'Fuck,' I sighed. 'I'm sorry. It's just… I've had a bad week. I didn't mean to take it out on you.'

He nodded stiffly and I gave up and thrust the potion at him.

'There!' I snapped. 'I bought anti-lust potion. It's been a long time since I've been shagged, Merlin knows I can't sort myself out because I never have the dorm to myself and… well… there you go! Now I guess you know why I didn't want you to know.'

Sirius laughed a little, but it was still a bit tense.

'Right… it does explain a bit. No offence, but you've become a bit of an uptight bitch.'

I shrugged hopelessly. I actually became a bit sad here.

'I know to you guys I'm just a joke,' I sighed. 'But there's a lot you don't know. And I've had to deal with a lot this week. I don't have to be a walking comedy act all of the time, you know.'

Sirius looked surprised.

'Of course not! What… Daniel hasn't bothered you, has he?'

I laughed hollowly.

'Trust me, Daniel's the least of my problems. Look, I tend to look at life as all a bit of a joke. It's kind of the only way I think I can survive. But this week, I don't feel like joking. Okay?'

And then he did something really amazing. He didn't question me like Lily or Mary would. He didn't nag or look sorry for me. He simply shrugged and said 'Okay. I understand.'

And then he took me to get ice-cream (he said it was his treat for blurting out in front of my mum that I was pregnant) and told me about his trips to Florence.

I felt like a bit of a bitch. Just because he doesn't want to shag me, it doesn't make him bad. If anything, I should be glad he respects our friendship enough not to chuck it away on a shag.

I've been wondering if I should tell him about my history… but then I think- what's the point? It's dead history. As far as I'm concerned, it was a phase that hasn't affected me until I saw that boggart again this week. Mary tried to talk about it, but I didn't really want to get into it again with her. She was there, when I was sick. She knows a bit too much and I think she'd take it too seriously.

I have a feeling Sirius would understand. But I don't know I want to tarnish our friendship with that kind of- well- seriousness. While we've discussed heavy stuff on the odd occasion, I think my hospital stint takes it to a whole other level. I mean, I know he knows I'm mad, but being mad enough to have been admitted to a psych ward because you want to exact revenge on your mother is a whole other kind of crazy…

I really have to stop thinking about him, and over-analysing our friendship, or whatever one calls what we have.

But something occurred to me today, as he was talking about his place…

When I finish school, where will I live?

I'll be damned if I live with mother. I flat out refuse to live with her- especially now she's with Julio.

But… dad? He's with Shirley now. I'm pretty sure he'll want his privacy. I know he'll always have me and, honestly, I'll have to stay with him at least for a bit once school's over… but I can't live there for long, either.

So I feel even more lost now, because I've nowhere to go. I can't go live with my brother, Jamie, because he's only got a tiny flat with his girlfriend.

Why do I feel so lost this week? Is this normal? Why does school have to end? I don't want to face the real world. I feel, just now that I've started fully appreciating how wonderful Hogwarts is, I have to leave.

And then where will I go? What will I do? McGonagall keeps trying to push me to make a decision because I really ought to have applied for courses already, but I have no idea.

Sirius thinks I should be a therapist of some kind. I think I'm too crazy myself to cure crazy people. I'd probably give them other crazy ideas and only make them worse.

But I have to do something. I have to work, somehow, and then find a place. Lily's going to live at home until James asks her to marry her (which, let's face it, will probably be super soon). Mary and I used to say we'd move in together, but that was before Remus came on the scene. I can still ask her… but I think I'll wait till post-NEWTs anyway. I don't think I could take anymore rejection this week….

Hah. Maybe Peter needs somewhere to live and will be my room-mate? He'll probably be alright. He's pretty quiet and polite, come to think of it…

But even he has a girlfriend, whom he'll probably move out with. Fuck. I am not only going to be boyfriendless when I finish school, but effectively homeless, parentless, friendless (they'll all forget me once they move in with their other halves), jobless… and any other manner of 'less' that one uses to refer to someone who has failed at life.

I think I'll go lie in bed and pull the covers over my head for a bit. I'm worried that's becoming a bit of a habit lately…

* * *

**Okay! This is not going to become a dark and depressing fic. It is AU. Anna's had a bit of a hard time lately and needs to get through it. As I said to one reviewer- as positive as she always tries to be- realistically, Anna's not going to be chirpy and ridiculous 100% of the time.**

**Next chapter, something we've ALL been waiting for is going to happen!-**

…_. but I got there first. I punched him right in the face and I'm not ashamed to admit it felt GOOD!_

**While I'm busy working on the next chapter, it would be lovely to receive a review on your thoughts (as encouragement etc)  
**

**Lots of love,**

**Anya**

**P.S. There are links to my Blog, Twitter, Tumblr, Official website etc on my profile page. Check them out!**


	20. Chapter 20: June 18 to 21

**June 18**

**Still exempt from calorie counting etc**

* * *

10am- I am so fucking terrified. Of all my subjects, History has to be my worst… along with Transfiguration.

Fuck. Why did I waste my day of study yesterday, lusting over Sirius, and then pining over lack of home? Because, obviously, my chances of procuring a home post-school would be GREATLY increased by good marks in my NEWTS.

GAHHHH

Okay. Am going to take a deep breath. I'm next for my Divination NEWT. I suspect this one will be okay… I hope!

.

12 noon. Okay. Wasn't too bad. Actually, it was quite good. The examiners kept nodding and smiling at me and, as I left, one went up to me and touched my shoulder and said that she was glad to see that their 'noble art' was being continued through my generation. That's good… right? Well I'm going to think it is for now.

.

12.10pm- Told Mary, and she said it's 'fucking fantastic'. Am pleased now. Aghhhh how am I meant to eat lunch, when I've a History of Magic NEWT in less than 2 hours' time? How?

.

1pm- Mary is hyperventilating. And now I'm starting to, too. We're going to take some calming potion to calm down…. And possibly have a drink too.

.

1.30pm- Soooo calmmmmmmm. Mmmmmmm

.

5pm- Note to self: NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER mix calming potion with alcohol. NEVER AGAIN.

Oh Merlin's saggy balls. I think Mary and I quite safely failed that one. I can't even remember what I wrote in that NEWT. I think I very happily crapped on about Circe knows what. I remember feeling very clever at the time of the exam too. After having a nap after the NEWT- and regaining some clarity of mind- Mary and I are now horrified at what we've done.

Fucking Hell. That's 2 NEWTs failed. Bring on Charms and Transfiguration- there's a sure-fail there.

.

5.30pm- Whoops. Mary told Lily about our 'mixing' of alcohol and calming potion pre-exam and she totally lost it at us. She's not speaking to either of us now. This is roughly what she screamed at us-

'I gave you perfectly excellent and succinct History of Magic notes. If you had read through those and studied them, you would have felt perfectly fine going into that exam. Instead, you chose to learn _Italian_ and drink wine during your revision week. I'm very disappointed in the both of you. There's only so much I can do to try helping you.'

She let out a frustrated sort of scream, and then turned on her heel and went to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her.

But then she opened it and added-

'And I'm studying with James tonight. If you think I'm going to waste any more of my precious study time on you two delinquents, you can think again!'

And then she slammed the door shut again.

Mary then suggested we paint a Hitler moustache on Lily again, using permanent paint…. Apparently Lily overheard that comment, because she sent a crying hex at us on her way down to the common room. We were sobbing so much, we had to get Remus to fix us.

Lily needs to chill a bit. After all, it's not like we failed _her _exam. She's taking our failure very personally. I'm not exactly sure why. Hmm.

Okay. We're going to have a quick dinner, and then study with Remus and Peter. Apparently Sirius needs to study on his own because he 'learns better that way'. This upsets me a little. I think I'd remember anything Sirius taught me.

Hmmm… I wonder if I can ask him to quickly read me Lily's transfiguration notes…

.

5.45pm- What the Hell? At the end of dinner, Minnie came up to me and said that Sirius and I have to meet in her office at 6. I don't understand. If it was just me, then I'd think it was about my failing two NEWTs already…

But Sirius? Hmmm. Am intrigued now.

.

6.30pm- Oh fucking Hell. Was horrific.

Minnie had been contacted by my mother about my being pregnant. Sirius and I were summoned and both my parents were there. It was SO, SO bad.

Minnie was in her prime lecturing mode-

'Anna and Sirius. I hope you realise this is a serious breach of school rules- one that may very well result in immediate expulsion.'

My mother seemed to be all airy fairy about the fact that she could have very well ruined her daughter's schooling forever. Honestly. I just wanted to slap her.

Then, my father got furious at Minnie for suggesting expulsion, saying that it was hard enough that I was going to be a single mother- let alone an ungraduated one- and that it was ridiculous and that she was a terrible person for even contemplating that as a punishment when I only had 2 NEWTs left to go.

(I have to say, I love dad. The look on Minnie's face when he said all this to her was priceless. I've never seen her look so stupid in my life. She babbled incoherently. Even Sirius- who looked rather pissed off at being dragged into all this- smiled when he watched my dad go off at Minnie).

Then, I decided that I should nip the stupid thing in the bud before we wasted any more study time.

'This is silly,' I said, annoyed. 'Mother, I was joking. You were annoying me with all your stupid questions so I said I was pregnant. In reality, I am the least pregnant person in this school. Professor, Dad, this is all a silly and stupid misunderstanding because my mother is too ridiculous to do her job and question me herself, properly. If it were any other time of the year, I'd probably enjoy drawing this out and seeing where it goes, but Sirius and I have two rather difficult NEWTs tomorrow, so if this is just about my being 'not pregnant', then I think it would be best that we end this meeting here, so we can go study.'

They all blinked stupidly as they saw me. Then, Minnie stood up and her lips actually quivered into a tiny smile (rarest thing in the world).

'That is the most mature thing I've ever heard you say, Miss Jones,' she said, sounding rather proud. 'If what you say is true, then I agree with you. Mr Black, Miss Jones, you are dismissed.'

I sighed in relief, and then turned to dad and hugged him. I merely looked at mother who was more interested in her manicure than her daughter anyway.

'Okay, let's go,' I said to Sirius. We bolted for the door.

On the way back, I was on proper rant-mode-

'I can't believe her!' I seethed. 'She is the most annoying person in this world! I'm so sorry you got dragged into this. Especially at this time of the year. I'm so sorry!'

Sirius put his arm around my shoulder and I shut up immediately.

'It's okay, Jones,' he said. 'You forget- I'm a Black. I'm used to this sort of ridiculous frivolity.'

We came to the common room and I frowned as I saw him properly.

'You look very tired,' I said.

'So do you.'

I shrugged.

'They're exhausting, these exams. But you're clever!'

'You don't get clever without studying,' he sighed. 'And I'm not too great at Charms. I wish I had Lily's notes…'

I brightened at this-

'Oh, I've got them!'

His eyes widened.

'You do?'

I nodded.

'Yes. And we've gone through them numerous times so I know them quite well.'

'Right,' he said, looking confused as to where I was heading with this.

'So…' I said slowly, blushing and looking anywhere but at him, 'Maybe I can go through Lily's notes quickly with you, and then you could go through her Transfiguration notes with me? I'm really bad at Transfiguration.'

He hesitated and then I felt stupid for asking.

'Or not. It's okay. Remus said you prefer studying alone. I'll just go up and get you Lily's notes. I'm not going to study any more Charms today, anyway so… you can have them.'

'No, it's okay,' he said. 'We'll do what you said. I'll be better at Transfiguration for teaching you, and you'll be better at Charms for teaching me. I think that's actually a very good idea.'

I blinked, surprised.

'Really?'

'Sure!' he said. 'Just give me 10 mins. If I don't have a shower, I'm worried I'll fall asleep ten minutes into studying.'

So now I'm quickly recounting all of this while he showers. Oh Merlin… must NOT think of Sirius showering. Gahhh… why am I so perverted and sick?

Am very much looking forward to this study session, though am worried he will think I'm severely mentally disabled after trying to teach me some Transfiguration. Okay, must find Lily's notes for both…

.

1am- I love Sirius. So much. Words can't even…. Agh!

Okay. I know I should sleep, but I have to write all this out while it's still fresh in my memory. Anyway, I feel too energised by the amazing study session I just had with him to sleep right away anyway.

So we stopped by the kitchens to get some dinner to eat during our study session. We picked a nearby classroom and he was looking very nice (and smelled AMAZING) as he sat there and I brought out the highly coveted Notes of Lily.

Before I started going through them, though, I said that he had to tell me what his cologne was. He looked confused, but told me it was 'Malkin Couture Homme'.

I made a mental note of this, and then proceeded to go through the notes.

(Note to self: Buy Malkin Couture Homme for self as my Christmas present to myself this year).

Honestly, Sirius knew most of the stuff so there wasn't that much I needed to teach him. But it was good to go through it all again, anyway, as it consolidated it all in my mind.

There were a few Charms I had to show him, though, which left me feeling slightly smug (let's face it- I've _never_ known something he didn't before today).

After I taught him, he seemed much happier and said I was a very good teacher and that he thinks I'm actually excellent at Charms. I think he was just being nice.

Anyway, then we had a half hour break and he suggested we get ice cream from the kitchens. I was all for this, so we went there and he got my ice cream for me, and was very chatty and bubbly because, apparently, he felt 'SO much better' now that he was confident in the Charms material.

He also told me that he thought Lily's notes were excellent, but that I was never to tell her that he had used them/thought so highly of them.

So then we came back and we started going through Lily's notes. Unfortunately, we didn't get very far through them as Sirius kept correcting the notes, saying that Lily was wrong. I have to say, this didn't inspire much confidence in me, seeing as I had been studying those notes for the past few weeks.

But then he tossed the notes aside and told me not to worry, because he was going to make me awesome at Transfiguration by the end of the night.

Surprisingly, using Sirius' methods, it wasn't _that_ hard. I think I've never been good at Transfiguration because I've been using Lily's/our text books' methods. He says he's used better, more advanced techniques that are the 'real' way of performing Transfiguration.

After I mastered the last one in the syllabus and did it perfectly, he grinned at me (looking v pleased with himself) and said-

'Jones, you are a genius. I must admit, I thought it would take longer than this. You have officially performed all testable transfigurations perfectly.'

I was so happy, that I actually started crying. I hugged him tightly, sobbing 'Thank you! Thank you!'

He laughed and looked a bit confused as to why I was crying.

'It's because I've always sucked at Transfiguration. But you made it so easy!'

He shrugged and handed me a tissue. I blew my nose loudly and then we both laughed and started packing away the books.

'Wow,' I sighed. 'You're a really good teacher. You should teach Transfiguration. All your students would get 'Outstandings'. I mean, you taught _me_ the entire syllabus in a few hours, and I'm not exactly smart. Actually, I'm the opposite of..'

'Anna,' he interrupted seriously (hehe I love that pun!), 'you're not dumb. You're actually quite clever. I don't know why you constantly put yourself down! I can tell you that James has tried teaching Lily- whom you constantly proclaim to be 'a genius'- what I taught you tonight on numerous occasions… and she hasn't been able to grasp some concepts at all.'

I blushed and shrugged.

'Maybe she was having an off day?'

He tugged at his hair and laughed.

'Merlin! You're impossible. I don't understand why your confidence is so low! Yes, you might do funny things at times, but when you're serious, you're clever and quick. Yes, you've been a little lazy throughout the year, but there's no way you're going to fail either Charms nor Transfiguration tomorrow. In fact, I suspect you're going to do really well which, given the amount of study you've done compared to the rest of us, is bloody amazing.'

I crossed my arms.

'You're just saying this. Just like that time when you tried convincing me I'm not fat.'

Sirius sighed and we started walking back to the common room.

'Ah I give up. I'm at a loss as to how to make you realise that your only problem is that you have the lowest self-esteem I've ever seen. '

I shrugged. While it's nice to hear all that from Sirius, I'll believe him when he decides to shag me. But, oh yes, that's right-that's _never_ going to happen. Why? Because I'm actually not that amazing at all. Hmph. Now I'm sad.

Anyway, he hugged me when we got to the common room and said good luck and goodnight.

Something just occurred to me… if Mary and Lily have been using Lily's transfiguration notes, then they too don't know the correct things. Should I wake them?

.

1.15am- Turns out they're both awake, worrying. Am going to teach them all properly now. I don't mind staying up tonight, as tomorrow is final day of NEWTs. THANK MERLIN FOR THAT!

* * *

**June 19**

**No figures**

8am- An absolutely bloody charming start to my day. And no, I don't mean my Charms exam. I was woken up at 7.30am by an owl, sent by my mother. It wouldn't leave without a reply letter, either. Aggggghhhh

.

_Dear Anna,_

_I want you to know that you have made me ashamed to be your mother. I was humiliated more than I've ever been in that meeting with your Professor and your father. It was very rude of you to lie to me in that apothecary._

_I only have your best interests at heart, and yet you blatantly disregarded me in that meeting._

_I am expecting a reply with your apology._

_Sincerely,_

_Pamela Jones_

.

This is what I wrote-

_Dear Pamela Jones,_

_I'm sorry that I turned out the way I am. Maybe you should visit your psychiatrist and discuss it with her._

_Kind Regards,_

_Anna Jones._

_._

Grrr. I wrote that psychiatrist part in because I know for a fact that, after her first session, she refused to go again. I think that psychiatrist must have told her she has serious issues and refused her advances. Apparently he was v. good looking.

Hmph. Does she honestly think I want to deal with her petty issues on a day like today? Seriously, she's becoming worse. I wish St Mungo's would take _her _to their psych ward. Hmph.

Okay, am going to try getting another hour of sleep before the Charms NEWT at 10am. Aghhh

.

2pm- Charms was… OK. I never know how good or bad these things go. I did all the practical aspects properly, I think, so… I'm hoping I at least passed. Okay. Going to do last minute revision for Transfiguration. Couldn't they at least put Transfiguration on a different day? Four exams (a practical and a written each) is a bit much for one day!

.

6pm- I'M FREEEEEEEEEE!

I THINK I DID OKAY! AND I HAVE NOW FINISHED!

YESSSSSSSSS! NO MORE EXAMS EVER!

Unfortunately, my post-exam high, however, has been ruined slightly by none other than Daniel, aka 'The Fucker'.

You see, we had all finished our practicals, but had to wait for everyone else in our year to finish. Just as James came out from his exam, Daniel went to switch with Minnie from her shift of 'quarantining' us from the students who hadn't gone yet. I was sitting next to Sirius, who was sleeping on Remus' shoulder. I think Sirius has some kind of Daniel raydar- a 'Dandar' if you will- because as soon as Daniel entered the room, Sirius seemed right awake.

Daniel took one glance at us, and scowled. Sirius himself made a point of holding my hand (it felt very nice).

Melinda Haythorn, from Hufflepuff, piped up-

'Professor Melrose, when will we know our results?'

'In about a month, I should say,' said Daniel.

'Professor! I totally screwed up against my boggart!' said John St Claire (Mary's evil ex). 'Does that mean I failed?'

'It depends on how badly you screwed up. I saw you, St Claire, you recovered quite well, so I would say it's likely you still passed that station. I can't say the same for… _others_.'

His eyes set on me, at this point. I felt myself going cold. Sirius stiffened- but obviously had no idea what exactly Daniel was talking about.

He then started asking other students what their Boggarts were.

'If he asks me, I'll kill him,' I muttered to Sirius.

'Why? What was it?'

'And- Miss Jones. Yours was a very interesting boggart, I must say. I'm not sure why it frightens you, though. Personally, I'd say it's a vast improvement on your current self.'

'You fucker!' Mary shouted.

Sirius stood up (but, again, had no idea what he was defending me for), as did Mary, James, Remus, Peter and Lily.

But I got there first. I don't even know what possessed me at that moment. I just went right up to him and punched him right in the face. I'm not ashamed to admit it felt good. I remember feeling the sickening crunch of his nose under my fist, but I didn't care. If anything, it gave me a sick sort of satisfaction.

And, at that point, I completely saw Daniel for what he was- a really disgusting bastard. He not only used me for sex, took my virginity and manipulated me, but he always put me down. The whole time we were together, he made me feel shit about myself.

And for him to fucking tell me that I looked better as a skeleton than as I do now- chubby or not- made him the biggest wanker and bastard I've ever seen.

I'd punch him again. I really would.

As a surprise twist to all this, Melinda came up to me and pulled my hair, trying to get me off him.

'Don't touch Daniel!'

I stopped suddenly, and stood up and looked at Melinda, who turned bright red.

'Daniel, eh?' I sighed.

Daniel was clutching at his bloodied nose at this point.

'Are you fucking him, Melinda?'

'Anna!' Melinda gasped. 'How dare you… uh…'

'You bitch! I was with him. You _knew_ he was mine!'

We all turned, surprised, to see Kylie Hewitt coming forth. She and Melinda were best friends.

'I'll leave you to all the girls you fucked over,' I said to him. 'If you ever dare so much as speak to me, I'll make your life a living Hell. No girl deserves a wanker like you.'

And then I walked away, not caring about the stupid 'quarantine' rule or Daniel or exams… or anything. It's kind of weird. I felt I needed that punch to really 'get over' Daniel.

I tell you, he makes me really appreciate my friendship with the Marauders. They really are such amazing boys. Yeah, they sometimes play idiotic pranks and can be annoying at times, but they really care. They're genuinely good people. I don't know how I was so lucky to end up friends with them. But I really love them. Every single one of them.

I haven't seen the others since I walked out of the waiting room. They let me have my space and I'm glad they did. I needed to just come out and think it all through and sort it out in my head before I go on living my life.

And fuck- I'm really starting a new chapter now, aren't I? I've got just over a week of school left and then…. Oh Merlin. The real world. It's bloody terrifying but, quietly, it's also kind of exciting.

I think I'm going to try having as much fun as I can for my final days here. I think I deserve it.

.

11pm- I thought Mary would have told them about my boggart, but she said it wasn't her place. I decided that they deserved to know the truth… so I told them. They were very respectful of me and James kept swearing that Daniel was a 'fucker' (which made me laugh). Sirius was very quiet. I don't know what he thinks of it. I'm sure he'll bring it up at some point in the future, but I don't think he had anything that would be said in front of the group. He seems to be more private with things like that.

Anyway. We are all going to Hogsmeade tomorrow to celebrate End of Exams, and then bringing the party back to the common room. According to Potter, it's our duty to teach the younger years how to throw a party.

**.**

**June 20**

**No figures- see below:**

6pm- I was going to weigh myself this morning, but Lily seems to have taken away the scales. She says it's 'not healthy for me' to continually count calories and my weight. Mary told her to calm down (love Mary), but I said it was okay.

I think that, given I'm probably going to do a huge amount of drinking and eating in this week of celebration, weighing myself would only be depressing and masochistic.

Okay! So the day started off with a big breakfast. Potterhead said that he wasn't going to lose his 'Head Badge' this late in the year and said that he and I were going to get drunk together, like the 'good old times'... and that I needed to eat a big breakfast to survive such a heavy drinking session.

I love him.

So we ate heaps, and then Lily said that us girls should have a few hours to relax in a spa session, to melt away the exam frizz. It was lovely. We got a bottle of champagne and simply lounged about in the spa.

There, Mary herself brought up the concept of post-school living arrangements (YAY!)-

'Anna, you're not going to live at home after school, are you?'

I shrugged.

'I'll have to until I get a job.'

'No. Don't.'

I looked at her, surprised.

'Why?'

'Well, get a job- obviously- but don't live at home. My parents are moving to their country place in Dorset because they think, now that I've finished school, I should be able to look after myself.'

'Go on…'

'And so they sold our town house and have paid for the first 2 months of rent at a little apartment in London, near Diagon Alley. The thing is, I'll need a house-mate. I know you're planning on staying at home, Lily?'

Lily nodded.

'Yes, so Anna… what do you think? Want to be my house-mate? You've got two months of rent already payed for. After that, it'll be 100 galleons a month. That's not too bad, is it?'

Lily sighed.

'That's really cheap.'

Mary nodded.

'I know. It's a really nice place too. You'll love it, Anna. What do you say?'

I was so overjoyed at that point, that I had no words to say. I flung myself at Mary, and showered her with kisses.

'I love you! I love you!'

Lily groaned.

'Okay, guys… cut it out. Save it for when you've got you're living together.'

We laughed and I got off Mary.

'I always thought you'd want to move in with Remus!'

Mary shook her head.

'No, we're taking things quite slowly there. And I don't want that sort of commitment just yet. I love him, but I want to be young for now. I think we'll keep each other young.'

Lily rolled her eyes.

'You'll both be constantly drunk. I'm not sure this is going to be a good idea.'

Mary grinned.

'It's okay, Lily. The couch folds out into a bed. You'll be welcome to stay over whenever you like.'

Lily beamed at this and we clinked our glasses. Then, Lily turned to me.

'Anna, I want to thank you for going over Transfiguration with us,' she said seriously. 'I would've failed a few components of the practical had it not been for you.'

'Hear hear,' said Mary.

'Awww guys!' I said, blushing and feeling clever (for once).

And then I hugged them and we spend the rest of the morning getting rid of our exam frazzle.

.

THEN we joined the boys for lunch, and they themselves looked much better. They had all visited the barber in Hogsmeade and got haircuts. I smiled when I saw Sirius. He frowned.

'What? Don't you like it?' he said, swishing his hair about as though he were in a shampoo commercial (that boy is actually SO vain!)

'No, I do,' I said, smiling. 'I'm glad you didn't cut too much off. I think you look best with long-ish hair.'

He looked quite pleased with this, and then proceeded to tell me that I looked 'ravishing' myself and that the visit to the Head Girls' bathroom had obviously done a lot of good- but quickly added that I still looked lovely, even with the exam stress.

I then punched his arm and he picked me up (horrific! At my weight!). Just at that moment, a sour Daniel walked past, his nose covered in bandages, and we all laughed (though Sirius didn't look very happy at all).

As we all walked to Hogsmeade, Sirius and I seemed to lag back a bit. He then took my hand, and I looked at him, surprised.

'Look, I just want to say… he was wrong about what he said to you. In every way.'

I shrugged and fixed my eyes on the ground. I think I would have cried otherwise.

'Don't you believe me? I mean it! Give me Veritaserum, and I'll say the exact same thing!'

I let go of his hand and crossed my arms.

'I believe you,' I said quietly. 'Thank you.'

We kept walking, but didn't quite catch up that much with the others, either.

'Hey, Jones- Anna,' he said, now sounding stiffly casual. 'Want to go to the Valedictory Ball together?'

I frowned.

'I thought we were all going as a group?'

'Oh yeah… of course. Sure. Whatever…'

And then I wanted to slap myself, because I realised that I must be the most awkward and fucked up girl ever…. and that the reason I haven't even gotten a pity shag from Sirius yet, is because I'm so bloody uptight and retarded and… GAH!

I mean, I don't exactly _help_ myself in creating 'shagging' or at least 'snogging' moments. Especially not when I keep advocating for this 'friendship' thing, when I don't even believe in it!

I don't know what's wrong with me. I really don't. I think I just get flustered or embarrassed and then blurt out stupid things like 'aren't we going as a group?'

Agggggggh.

I was too embarrassed to try rectifying the situation, so I kept silent (something I should do a bit more of, I think). We ended up joining the others just before we reached the Three Broomsticks, where we got a big table for lunch. As the 'non-coupled dregs', Sirius, Peter and I sat with each other on the end of the table.

Thankfully, Peter asked me for girl advice, so I spent a lot of lunch discussing his issues with his girlfriend.

On the way back, Sirius and I sort of got lumped together again. I sound miserable talking about him, because I am. It's fucking depressing, our situation. He keeps asking me things, and I have to keep rejecting.

Well, I didn't _have_ to reject him about the Valedictory Ball- that was my fault. But I had no choice for what he asked me on the way home (gahhhh!)

Anyway. So we were walking back and then he kept looking at me awkwardly and I had no idea what was going on. Eventually, he spoke-

'What are your living plans post-school? You're not going to live at home, are you?'

'No, I hope I won't have to do that. I'll need to get a job quick smart because rent's not for free, but…'

AND THIS IS WHERE IT WENT WRONG. HE INTERRUPTED ME! I HATE MY LIFE!

'Because, you know my place… well, it's kind of massive, so I thought maybe you'd want to move in. It was just a thought….'

He stopped and looked at me and I felt so terrible for what I had to say-

'Sirius,' I said softly, feeling terrible, 'I'm moving in with Mary.'

He suddenly nodded very vigorously and smiled – it seemed quite false-

'Of course. Of course… that sounds great! Have you seen the place? Where is it?'

'Your place sounds amazing,' I continued. 'I really would have moved in, but I promised Mary I'd live with her, this morning.'

Sirius shrugged and waved it off.

'Really, don't worry. I think Peter might be moving in for a bit anyway.'

'What about James?'

Sirius shot me an annoyed look.

'Yes… well... he has _plans_.'

'What plans?'

'Can't say. But he certainly won't be moving in with me, if everything goes according to plan. _I _won't allow it.'

I looked at Sirius suspiciously.

'What? Is it Lily?'

Sirius shrugged.

'I don't know. I don't know,' he said airily. 'Anyway. It's fine. Don't worry about it. I just thought I'd ask because I didn't think your moving in with your mother would've done wonders for your happiness or wellbeing.'

'No, it wouldn't,' I said darkly. 'I'd rather sleep on the streets than live with her and her boy toy.'

Sirius laughed and think, after that, we were pretty much back to normal which was a relief.

I can't believe I just refused the chance to move in with Sirius Black. I'm pretty sure there are hundreds of girls dying for that opportunity.

Hell- I'M dying for that opportunity, and yet I couldn't accept. Fucking hell. This could only happen to me.

Oh well. On the plus side… I guess I've sorted my living situation. Will just write a note to dad to let him know. And then…. Party time! I'm so excited!

* * *

**June 21**

12 noon- Just woke up. Aghhh. Need a shower. Shower, then will write all.

.

2pm- Okay. Just went and got food as was starving. Last night was a bit mad.

I came down to the common room at around 7pm, where Pottyhead was waiting for me with a bottle of firewhisky.

We were to play chess, like the old times, and each time we lost a piece, we had to have a shot of firewhisky.

By the time we finished- it was a stalemate- we were both blind drink and had made sailor's hats out of the Daily Prophet, and were passing the bottle of firewhisky between us, sinking sea shanties like 'Drunken Sailor'.

Lily came down, and freaked out at how disgustingly drunk we were. Mary stole the bottle of firewhisky from me for herself (selfish), and started her own little drinking party with Remus and Peter while James and I continued to play Pirates.

Surprisingly, the only two people who weren't drunk by the time we left were Sirius and Lily.

We traipsed off to Hogsmeade, where Mary and I got a jug of cocktail, and shared it between us (Lily was only drinking a glass of red wine- boring). I think we were so drunk at some point that we started snogging each other, but then Remus came and took Mary away and started snogging her himself, so I sat there sadly by myself.

Soon enough, however, some guy asked me to dance and I think I must've gone and danced (and then snogged) with him because I remember Mary coming over and telling me to stop snogging him because we were going to the Common Room for the House Party.

I can't remember the trip back, but Lily forced a sobering tonic down James and my throat as soon as we got back and, unfortunately, I was blindingly sober for the next hour until I managed to find a bit of punch (it was disgusting. I think Potter must've poured out the Marauder's entire alcohol collection into a tub and decided it could be called a 'cocktail').

Soon enough music was blaring, and all of Gryffindor seemed to be dry humping someone in a corner of the common room. It was then that I myself became quite bored because, really, there was no one for me to dance with, let alone snog. I can't ever bring myself to be with a younger boy, I don't think. That's stretching it- even for me.

I noticed Sirius was nowhere to be seen, but didn't really want to check the Boys' Dorms because I was worried I might walk in on another 'shagging' session of his. So I decided, for some reason, to go for a walk through the school. I don't know why, but I felt that… it may have been my last chance to take a walk through the grounds alone.

I felt really sad and, eventually, sat by the lake and even that made me sad (completely unrelated to the fact I nearly drowned in it). I couldn't help it. I burst into tears and sat there crying- all by myself. Sometimes it's quite nice just to cry.

Then, some stray big black dog came up to me and nuzzled against me, and it was so warm and beautiful and nice that I hugged it to me. I don't know whose dog it is- maybe Hagrid's?- but it was a lovely one. It even _smelled_ nice which is very unusual for a dog. Actually, it was quite a familiar scent and I remember it making me feel very calm, but I couldn't remember where I knew it from. Anyway. Maybe I'll convince Mary to allow us to have a pet dog when we move in together?

It lay its head in my lap and I just stroked its fur and sat there, staring at the lake. Then (and I know this sounds crazy, but you're a diary so I can be honest)- I just talked to it. Because I'm still a bit sad (residual sadness), I'm going to tell you what I told the dog in the hopes that it will 'get all the sadness out of me':

I'm sad to leave school. I love it here. I don't have to worry about my parents fucking up, I don't have to worry about money or rent, or the future… all I've ever had to worry about has been turning up to class, and then somehow passing my exams.

I don't want to grow up. I don't think I'm ready to be a grown up. If I could, I'd go back in time and be in first year again, and keep looping these school years because I'm never so happy as I am when at school.

I'm even going to miss the teachers- especially Dumbledore's beard- but not Daniel who, given all the rumours about his sleeping with numerous students, will probably be fired very soon anyway.

And, most of all, I think I'm going to miss my friends. I know I'm living with Mary, but I'm going to miss this little family we have here. I'm going to miss traipsing off to Hogsmeade like a bunch of vagabonds, the drunken parties, my stupid drinking games with James, having fashion discussions with Remus, sorting out Peter's girl problems…

But, most of all, I think I'm going to miss Sirius. Obviously I think I'll still see him around and we'll probably catch up, but I'm going to miss just bumping into him, or simply being able to walk up some stairs to ask him something silly… or even for us to go to Hogsmeade for ice cream.

Because, even though I'm still going to see all these friends I've made this year, it'll be different. James will probably marry Lily and churn out a couple of kids and then he'll have to be serious and grown up. Remus will probably always be working or with Mary, Peter won't need me for girl advice and then Sirius…

Well, he'll probably just find another beautiful goddess like Helen and marry her and forget me. Or he'll continue whoring and forget me still. If he had a girlfriend, I could never just show up and be like 'hey what's going on?', because he'll be doing all the silly things he does with me, with her.

.

At this point, I started crying again, and the dog nuzzled against my neck and I felt so sad. I still feel sad. I think I'm already growing up, because I couldn't bear to rejoin the party last night. I just went straight up to bed and slept. I don't want to grow up. I want everything to stay as it is… forever.

Am going to go downstairs now and see if anyone's awake yet. Both Lily and Mary are, presumably, sleeping in their boyfriends' beds. It wasn't a full moon last night, so I'm pretty sure Mary's safe with Remus, wherever they are.

.

11pm- OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD

It happened.

IT HAPPENED!

* * *

**Next chapter-**

'_Good morning everyone, and welcome to Sexual Education.'_

AND

'_Engaged friends: 1'_

**That's right! Next chapter our gang are going to be forced to sit through a few rather awkward and unpleasantly funny lectures.**

**.**

**Until then, leave me a review with your thoughts/to congratulate me on the fact this chapter was very long/to tell me something irrelevant, yet funny!**

**Love, Anya**

**P.S. As always, you can stalk me on my Blog, Twitter, Tumblr etc. Links are on my Author's page**


	21. Chapter 21: June 22 to 26

**June 22 **

**Weight: 10 st 3 (NOOOOOOOOOO!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: Who knows. Millions!**

**Drinks: 3**

**Engaged friends: 1**

* * *

8am- Oh my Sweet Circe. James proposed to Lily last night. And she said YES!

Oh my GOD. She's going to be married? I can't believe it. She woke us up at 7am, with her squealing and jumping on her bed. Apparently we're both to be bridesmaids, but she wants her sister to be her Maid of Honour, which I think is very diplomatic of her and only fair.

Oh my MERLIN. It's happening! Already! WHY? I guess I'll never get drunk with Pottyhead ever again. Oh, and I'll probably have to stop calling him Pottyhead. I'll have to call him James, because he is about to be a proper grown up by marrying Lily.

OH MY GOD! THEY'RE ENGAGED!

I still can't believe it. Agh.

Okay, we've got 'Life' Lectures today. If you ask me, they sound incredibly useless and boring…

.

12.30pm- Fucking Sirius.

We all settled in the Great Hall, expecting fun and games (given we had just sat and survived our NEWTs, I don't think that would have been unreasonable).

Then, none other than Dumbledore came out and said (sexy beard on display):

'Good morning everyone, and welcome to Sexual Education.'

Sirius groaned, James and Lily – previously smug- suddenly both turned scarlet, Mary and Remus smirked, and Peter shifted nervously.

At this point, Sirius nudged me and whispered (he has such a sexy whisper voice. It's not fair!) 'Been taking your anti-lust potion lately?'

I nudged him sharply in the ribs and giggled as I heard his 'oomph'. Haha

He went to poke me, but we were interrupted by Dumbledore (whose class, incidentally, we were interrupting)-

'Ah, Miss Jones and Mr Black. Perhaps you would care to label these cross-sections of the male and female genitalia?'

Everyone laughed and, rolling our eyes, we went to the blackboards. Sirius went straight to the male genitalia, but Dumbledore (stroking his sexy beard) clicked his tongue-

'Oh no, Mr Black. I'd like for you to label the female, and Anna to label the male, if you please.'

Sirius turned bright red at this. I myself simply went over to the male diagram and labelled it expertly (hehe reading Witch Weekly really pays off! Take THAT Lily!).

Unfortunately, aside from 'Vagina, Vulva, and Clitoris,' Sirius was pretty stuck when it came to labelling the other parts. (Thank goodness he knows where the clitoris is, though!).

'Ah… okay. Excellent work, Miss Jones. You may sit down. Mr Black, how about you bring up Mr Potter to help you?'

James looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Peter himself looked like he was trying to make himself as inconspicuous as possible lest he get called up next.

'Umm… I'm afraid I don't know any more than Sirius,' admitted James.

'Not even the hymen?' squeaked Lily, looking very alarmed.

Mary and I clutched at each other, trying not to laugh.

'Mr Pettigrew?'

He shook his head quickly, and his girlfriend, who was sitting across the room, shifted very uncomfortably.

'Dear me,' said Prof Dumbly. 'What about you, Mr Lupin?'

Remus smiled apologetically at James and Sirius, and went up and labelled the rest of the anatomy… perfectly.

'I picked the good one,' grinned Mary, winking at Remus as he came to sit next to her.

Sirius himself looked quite embarrassed as he sat down next to me.

'Don't worry,' I whispered. 'You got most of the important ones… except for the hymen. I imagine virgins might find that one pretty important…'

'How do you know the male genitalia so well?' he hissed. 'What the hell is the epididymis?'

'It stores the sperm,' I shrugged.

He stared at me, looking a little afraid.

'What?'

'How do you know more about my anatomy than I do?'

I grinned cheekily.

'Oh Sirius. Every night I sneak into your room and perform vivisections on your genitalia.'

'Vivi… what the hell, Jones!'

I laughed.

'It comes up every now and then in Witch Weekly. I gather that your PlayWitch magazines- despite showing the female anatomy in all its glory- don't quite teach you much about the female body.'

He rolled his eyes.

'I don't need to know terms to know how to make a girl feel good.'

I shivered a bit at this and we fell silent and listened as Dumbly decided to move onto the act of 'sexual intercourse.'

As he talked about it, I suddenly felt really weird. I felt Sirius next to me- I could feel the heat from his body, I could hear his breathing and my whole left side was tingling from our proximity.

Then he shifted a little and his arm brushed my skin and I couldn't help it- I felt myself blushing furiously.

'You okay?' Sirius whispered.

This only made me worse.

'Yes. Why?' I hissed.

'You're bright red.'

'Am I? Well it's very hot in here.'

'Oh no… you're not lusting after Dumbledore's beard, are you?'

'Yes. I am. Isn't it so _sexy?'_

'Just quietly, I think I've got a better chance with him than you.'

I looked at Sirius sourly.

'Oh you're just _that _good looking, aren't you!'

'No… he's gay.'

I punched Sirius so hard on the arm that he let out a yelp.

'Mr Black and Miss Jones!' reprimanded Dumbledore.

I gaped as I stared at him. How could such a man with such a fine beard be gay? How? And WHY?

'Now, Anna… seeing as you seem to know everything I have to teach you on the matter, could you inform the class on how many orgasms it is possible for a person to have.'

'Per session?'

'Yes. Per…er…session.'

'Well, once for a male. And it depends on his performance as to how many times a woman comes. If they were to have sex with Sirius, for example, a virgin girl would probably be asking 'what's an orgasm?'

Everyone laughed.

'Sir, that's a lie. I wish to respectfully inform the class that not only am I an expert lover- as a few girls in our very year can attest to- but I have also never, ever slept with this girl right here- Anna Jones. That's right, she has no idea of my skills in the bedroom and hence is a completely unreliable witness on the matter.'

'Sounds like someone's protesting a bit much,' I piped up.

'Please. You're just jealous you've never been treated to the 'Sirius Experience'.'

'Now I'm reminded why I upgraded to the role of Headmaster. Teaching is exhausting!'

Sirius and I stopped bickering and turned to look at Dumbledore incredulously.

'Mr Black, and Miss Jones. If you don't refrain from your bickering, I'm going to have to…'

'Ask us to leave?'

Dumbledore frowned at Sirius.

'I would not feel safe for the future of the female population should you not graduate from this class. You are quite uninformed on the subject, Mr Black.'

I snorted, and then Dumbledore turned to look at me.

'Please don't make me give you a detention in your final week of school, Miss Jones. I am aware that your knowledge on this particular subject seems to be exemplary, but I ask that you refrain from distracting Mr Black for the rest of the class.'

I batted my lashes at Sirius, who rolled his eyes at me and sat in a miserable silence for the rest of the class.

FINALLY, Dumbledore said we could clear off for half an hour before lunch. Before I knew what was happening, Sirius had hoisted me over his shoulder and was carrying me out of the classroom.

'Put me down!' I screamed, in between giggles. 'What are you doing?'

'No one tries to ruin my reputation and gets away with it,' he said, now sprinting (still carrying me) outside.

I started wiggling like mad as I saw him approaching the Great Lake.

'Don't you dare!' I screamed. 'Don't you fucking dare! I can't swim!'

But, before I could hex him, he had chucked me into the shallow end of the Great Lake. It was bloody freezing.

Shocked and furious (but also laughing uncontrollably still), I arose and ran after him. In a moment of hesitation on his part, I flung myself at him and pushed him in the lake. Unfortunately, he took me with him (again).

Water's not so bad, really. Not when I can touch the ground, anyway. We spent the next half an hour being idiots, splashing water at each other. I don't think I've laughed that much in a _long_ time.

The others ran out after us and arrived at the lake to find me attempting (and failing) to drown Sirius in a few feet of water.

'Anna! What on earth are you doing?'

I splashed water at Lily, who screamed. I didn't have the chance to hear what she said though, because Sirius himself launched a fresh attack on me at that point.

'Fuck this. That looks like fun.'

Mary pulled off her robes and ran into the lake in nothing but her bra and undies. James (ignoring his fiancé) followed suit, as did Remus and then Peter, after a slight hesitation.

After about 10 minutes of indecisively watching our water wars, Lily herself gave in, tossed off her robes to reveal rather skimpy, lacy black lingerie, and ran in the water screaming 'Fuck it's cold!'

We're now all waiting outside Minnie's office. Apparently swimming in the Great Lake is against school policy. But I regret nothing! It was the most fun I've had in ages.

I guess it just goes to show one doesn't have to be pissed and snogging or shagging to have fun.

.

12.35pm- Just remembered…. It was kind of ironically like the 'old times' when Sirius and I used to play naked in the paddling pool. Except I wasn't naked this time… Hah hah.

.

1pm- Hmph. Minnie was a bitch and lectured how we're setting terrible examples for the younger students yadayada. Did she never sit NEWTs? Didn't she want to let her hair out of that tight bun for a bit and just have some fun?

Probably not.

Anyway. We have to go to Sex Education Part II now. I can't say I'm looking forward to it…

.

6pm- Holy fuck, it was worse than I imagined. They showed us a movie of a woman giving birth. Not some censored version, either. No siree- the full frontal shot of her vag being stretched to inhumane proportions, the crowning, the tearing, the blood and guts…. Agh! It was disgusting! I'm never having a child. Never, ever, ever, ever!

Now I kind of hate my mum a little less for disliking me. If I had to go through that, I'd probably hate the kid too.

I guess, movie aside, it must have been a pretty funny sight. James was on the verge on sobbing, Lily was shell-shocked, Mary forced Remus to take a double dose of his contraceptive potion and Sirius… well, we were clutching at each other in horror, and even he said he now understood why his mother turned out to be so bitter.

He then said something, which I personally disliked. He said that no man was to ever shag me again because he didn't want me to ever go through that sort of pain. I hit him and said that if the said man was responsible about his contraceptive potion, I wouldn't have to go through that sort of pain.

I honestly don't see why people have kids. They're like parasites. Firstly, they make you fat and swollen, and give you stretch marks. Then, they ruin your vagina beyond repair…

And that's not even the worst part! The shitting, the screaming, the lack of sleep… and they're bloody expensive too!

Magazines are always crapping on about the 'joys of motherhood' but, personally, I don't see it. Not at all.

So that's it- no kids for me. Period.

* * *

**June 23 **

**Weight: 10 st 4 (situation getting direr by the second)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: Giving up till the end of school. My guesstimate is ~3000**

**Drinks: 4**

**Future career possibilities: 3**

**Decisions made on future career: 0**

**Likelihood that I'll end up working in a fast food joint for the rest of my life: Huge**

* * *

10am- Today is the first of three days of 'Careers Advice'. I'm not looking forward to it. Apparently we're starting with 'Job Interviews'.

.

11am- Agh. We have to do 'mock interviews'. Am partnered with Mary. Oooh I think she's spiked her orange juice with a little vodka! He he.

.

12 noon- Har har. Interviews were fun. We pretended we were doing interviews for positions of topless waitresses and strippers. Obviously we didn't strip in front of everyone, but was fun pretending to be sleazy bosses he he.

This orange vodka is very nice. And quite nutritious, really. Lots of Vitamin C!

.

1pm- Fuck! We have to showcase our role-plays to the class. Is okay. Mary says people shouldn't be judgemental of strippers or topless waitresses/prostitutes etc, and that we should do the right and brave thing and do our interview for the class.

But I'm going to be the sleazy boss. Hehehehehe. This is going to be funny…

.

2pm- Hmph. Well everyone ELSE found it funny. The whole class was laughing like crazy. Unfortunately, the bitchy careers counsellor did _not_ find it funny and sent us to Minnie's office. She was a bitch about it too. Esp to me- she was all prim and said 'I seem to be seeing a lot of you lately, Anna, and I don't like it.'

Bitch. I bet I'm the highlight of her sodding day!

.

3pm- Lily is unimpressed by us, and is saying how she's worried that we are going to be very bad for each other when we move in together. I think she's secretly jealous that we're going to keep having the fun, while she has to have the sex and make the babies with James. Eugh.

On an irrelevant side note: Isn't it weird when people say 'the' before sex. Like it's a person or a place. 'The Sex'. Hmmm

I wish I was having 'the sex'. Or sex. Or shagging. Or fucking. Whatever the hell anyone wants to call it, I wish I was getting some of it. Fucking Sirius.

.

4pm- Alalala. I'm bored. The careers lady is going through courses we can apply for, and the NEWTs we need. I'm kinda fucked, because I didn't do Ancient Runes, nor Arithmancy, nor Herbology. I probably should have kept Herbology, come to think of it. I did okay in my Herbology OWL. Then maybe I could have become a Healer. Sirius thinks I would make a good Healer.

.

4.10pm- On second thoughts, I should never be a Healer. I wouldn't trust me with an ant's life, let alone another person's. Turns out to be a blessing in disguise that I never did Herbology… not that I would've ever been accepted into Healing School anyway. Let's be honest…

Gahhh why is she talking about archaeology? I know _no one_ who would become an archaeologist… though it does sound interesting. Hmm, would be fun to go digging for mummies. Maybe I could end up finding Cleopatra and end up becoming a famous seductress- like her?

.

4.15pm- Hmm I need to have done Ancient Runes for archaeology. Bloody hell. There goes_ that_ dream.

.

5pm- Hmm. Hmmm. So far the only job I seem to qualify for are ones that don't require magic-NEWTs- like a chef, or a florist, or a painter, or an actor, or an artist.

But I could do journalism… Hmmm. I like that thought. Or study English lit and end up becoming a writer or, more likely, an editor as is unlikely I will ever be able to write anything of real value.

.

6pm- Bloody Lily. She says she's going to become a Healer. Sounds about right. And James and Sirius and Peter want to become Aurors. Remus says he wants to go into teaching. Mary is interested in studying Wizarding Law. She says I have the right NEWTs for it, but it will require a lot of reading. I'm not sure that would suit me.. Hmph.

Maybe I could just be a secretary for the Auror office… and have it off with the brave, manly and oh so sexy aurors, secretary-style. Ooooh I do love an office romance! Hmmm….

.

6.20pm- I suggested this at dinner, and Sirius and James said 'no', and that they would not stand by and watch me be violated by sleazy aurors. I kind of love them for being so protective. I wish my brother was so caring. Speaking of Jamie, I haven't seen him in ages. But he's off being a famous Chaser for the Jamaican team, so he has no time for me anyway. I might write him a letter, though. Maybe I could go visit him for a bit over summer. Jamaica sounds nice and exotic… maybe Mary could come too….

.

7pm- I am now very popular amongst the Marauders. Sirius caught me writing the letter to Jamie and then snapped at me for not telling them sooner that he was my brother. It turns out that they are all huge fans of Jamie Jones, but never knew he was my brother. They all want signatures. Hmph. Well I want them to like me for being me, not because my brother's a quidditch superstar.

Come to think of it, why does he have such good skills at quidditch when mine are so terrible? I've only tried riding a broom once in my life. Hmm, maybe if I go to visit him, he can teach me…

Quite excited at the concept of visiting Jamie now!

.

10pm- Jamie ish a basterd. He shaeid no.

* * *

**June 24**

**Weight: 10 st 5 (Am alaramed at how steadily I seem to be creeping up to the horrific 11 st I was at the start of the year)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2000 (roughly)**

**Drinks: 5**

**Career decisions: 1 (Excellent!)**

**Invitations to Slug Club Party: 1 (woohoo! I have made it to the Hogwarts Elite!)**

**Dresses bought for Slug Club Party/Valedictory ball: 0**

**Dresses tried on: 10**

**Arsehole brothers: 1**

* * *

10am- Jamie is an areshole. He said he was 'too busy' and that he'd see me at Christmas. Wanker. He's such a crap older brother. He should be here in England, protecting my virtue, while introducing me to his good-looking friends.

.

10.10am- Hmmm… Jamie really does have very good looking friends. They're all incredibly fit in both senses of the word. Mmmm. Mmmmmmmm

.

11am- Hmph. Careers session. _Again._ So boring. I'm writing in here, pretending to write 'notes'. None of my friends are fooled by this. The Careers lady, however, is. She keeps smiling at me thankfully. Other than me, only Lily is taking notes. Except she's taking actual notes. Hah.

Must remember, I've got my final counselling session with Sluggie today, at 3pm. Mustn't forget. I'm still hoping he'll do something brilliant (and illegal) to my Potions NEWT mark. Not that it even matters at this rate. What's the point in having decent marks if I have no chosen career path? This is actually getting to be a bit of a problem. What should I be?

I wish people still wanted interviews with me. Then, I could be a Seer as an actual job…

.

11.10am- Oh Merlin. Apparently one can study Divination at University. But I don't think I could stomach that. It 's one thing to take it up as a bullshit class… but another to make it my profession.

Then again, bullshitting seems to be the only thing I'm good at. Why not make an honest career out of it. All the 'Seers' seem to think I have 'the gift'.

.

11.20am- Maybe I'll become a psychologist/counsellor. I think Sirius was right when he suggested it to me. It's less scary than being a Healer/psychiatrist, but still meaningful. I like giving people advice…. Like Horace, for example! And look- I've done a marvellous job! He's lost 2 stone already, and now has a girlfriend.

Hmmm. Hmmmm…. Will look into this…

.

1pm- Hmph. Everyone is mocking me, because I actually stayed behind to talk to the careers lady about a Psychology course. James said that it's a bit late in the year to become the 'teacher's pet'.

Anyway, the idiots aside, she seems to think I would qualify. They want you to have NEWTs in Charms, Transfiguration and Potions at least. She said a few others wouldn't hurt- especially in Herbology. Fucking hell, lack of Herbology NEWT had better not ruin this for me.

Anyway, she said that given I got an E on my Herbology OWL, that should probably be enough. I hope so. This is the closest I've come to deciding upon my future. I'm quite excited for it, though. She gave me a pamphlet. I think I'm going to go read it now. They others are annoying me a little at the moment…

.

2pm- Okay. I've studied the pamphlet and it all sounds very interesting. I think I'll apply for it. I had might as well. It's the only course that has really interested me so far. Hmm… how to go about applying? Hmmmm. This seems a little complicated…

.

2.30pm- I think we were given Uni application forms at some point. I'm not sure where mine is. It's probably somewhere in my pile of study notes and textbooks.

But I don't want to touch that pile! The memory of the horrific NEWTs is still too fresh in my mind!

.

2.50pm.- Hmmm. Okay, I think I'll just see Minnie tomorrow, and ask her for a new form. She'll probably bite my head off about it but who cares. Oh crap… I just remembered… I've got to go meet Slughorn. Hmm, I wonder if he can vouch for me as having excellent counselling skills to the admissions board? Hmmm…

.

2.55pm- Hmph. The others are going to Hogsmeade now. I want to go. I don't really care for counselling Slughorn right now. It's so nice and sunny outside!

.

2.56pm- V. bad start to counselling career! Will go to Slughorn and start actively practising being a counsellor. Ciao.

.

4pm- Oh my Goodness! Sluggie invited me to the final Slug Club party of the year! I'm so excited! I've always wanted to be a part of the Hogwarts elite and now, at the very end of the year, it seems I've made it! Wooo! I guess all that counselling has paid off. He said that he feels I really deserve to be invited because he thinks I have a 'gift'. I guess that's something… because, for once, it's not coming from some crazy Seer lady or anything. Hmmm. Maybe I _am _gifted? But what is this 'gift'? I don't see it. Hmph.

Anyway, the party starts at 7pm sharp on Friday night, and the dress is 'formal'…. Which means I need to go find a dress. Hmmm. Hmmmmm

In terms of Horace's development, it seems he and Honey are a steady item now, and that they're taking a trip to Australia together after the school year concludes. I'm so happy for him. He's really all right. He deserves happiness.

He's also looking quite trim, if I say so myself. Well, let's not kid ourselves. He's no swimsuit model (shudder to think of Sluggie in any form of tight clothing), but he's not looking so….. 'slug-like' anymore.

Okay. Am going to run off to Hogsmeade now and try finding a dress. Sluggie mentioned that I should have a +1. Who? Sirius? Hah, I wish…

.

6pm- Dammit. I found no dresses, and then the shops shut. If I wasn't so rotund, I could borrow Mary's Yule Ball dress from last year. Oh well, hopefully we'll find something tomorrow. We're shopping for the Valedictory Ball as well. Gah, that means I need to find TWO dresses. I'm going to be so poor.

.

7pm- Turns out Lily and James are going to the Slug Club Party. If I just ask Sirius, then he might go, because James will be there and they can hang together doing whatever it is they do. Okay, am going to ask Sirius. I hope he doesn't say no.

.

8pm- Fucking Sirius said no.

I went up to him and was blushing horribly. He smiled as he saw me and scooted over so that I could sit on the end of his bed. Damn, I hate seeing him on his bed. It just leads to very impure thoughts and a horribly incoherent mind.

Anyway, he flipped his hair casually and grinned and said-

'All right, Jones?'

'Yep… yeah… uh… sure,' I stammered, sitting tentatively on the edge of his bed.

'What's up?'

I became very interested with picking the lint off his covers.

'Um…. So I was invited to the Slug Club party.'

He laughed.

'And you need me to wax you for it?'

I looked up, aghast.

'NO!'

He pouted.

'Oh come on, Jones. Surely you must be due for another wax by now. Maybe that's why you need to keep taking that anti-lust potion…'

'Sirius!' I interrupted, feeling my cheeks burning. 'I need a plus one.'

Sirius' eyes widened.

'Oh.'

'Yes.'

'No.'

I stared at him. I was nervous about asking him, but I honestly thought he'd go with me.

'What do you mean, no!' I burst out. 'What could you possibly be doing that is more important than….'

'A poncy evening that reminds me of the world I escaped when I ran away from home?'

I pouted.

'Please Sirius! Please!' (I did that whiny voice that is cute on some girls, but I suspect just annoying, coming from me).

He returned his attention to his magazine.

'James and Lily are going. Why don't you just go as a 'group' with them?' he said lightly.

And then I realised this was possibly getting me back for my stupid, idiotic, moronic response to his asking me to the Valedictory Ball.

'Please don't make me third wheel with them,' I begged. 'They're bloody engaged. They're not even Smug Couples anymore. They're Smug Engageds… and they're the _worst_!'

'Not my problem…'

'Sirius!'

I grabbed the magazine from him and he looked up at me, grinning a little.

'Anna.'

I tried to put on the cutest smile I could. I'm not sure what it looked like, but Sirius looked away quickly so I'm pretty sure it looked repulsive.

'Please? I'll…'

'You'll what?'

'I don't know. What do you want in return? Anything.'

He raised an eyebrow (very sexily).

'Anything?'

'Yes. Anything! Please, just don't make me go alone. I'll die. Lily's become unbearable just by herself these days. I can't fathom the concept of tagging along with Jamily. What do you want?'

He stared at me, his grey eyes calculating.

'Some time today…'

'Nope. I've got nothing. My life's pretty good at the moment.'

I hit him.

'I know! I'll give you my entire Mills & Boon collection!'

Sirius hit me back. (Kinky much? Hehehe)

'No! I don't want it. Jones, that was _one _book. I don't read such rubbish….'

'Liar! You totally do!'

He rolled his eyes.

'You're not doing much for your chances of procuring me as a date.'

'Fine. Sweet, lovely, handsome Sirius…. what can I do to convince you?'

He leaned forward for a moment and my breath caught. It was pretty intense. I wasn't sure for a moment what was going to happen. Part of me was hoping he'd snog me, and another part was absolutely terrified he would.

But then he simply kissed me on the cheek and sprung off the bed lightly.

'There's nothing you can do, Anna. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an engagement to attend to.'

'Oh…. Do you have a girlfriend now?'

He snorted.

'No! Why would I start something now that school's about to end?'

I shrugged.

'Honestly, your girlfriends don't seem to last that long…'

He smiled.

'No, I've got work.'

I had totally forgotten about his job.

'Oh.'

'Yeah. Sucks. I didn't go much over the exam period so I've got extra shifts this week.'

'Are you working on Friday night, then?'

He nodded.

'Yeah, sorry…'

I smiled. I can't blame him for that. He's got a lot of responsibility to shoulder. The funny thing is, he never complains about it. I should be more like that, really.

'It's okay,' I shrugged. 'I understand. Well… I hope work's not too bad.'

Sirius shrugged and, after gawking around the door awkwardly for a bit, I finally left.

Fucking hell. I have no date now. Gahhh. I wonder if Mary might lend me Remus?

.

8.20pm- The bitch said no. I told her this would not be good for inter-housemate-relations.

Why is everyone refusing me? I don't really know any boys from the other houses that well, either. I'd ask Peter, but things are a bit rocky with his girlfriend at the moment, so I think it's best I let them be.

Here's to being a third wheel. I think I'll just go steal that bottle of vodka Mary's been hiding from me…

.

10pm- Vodka ish good.

* * *

**June 25**

**Boyfriends: 0 (terrible)**

**Shags: 0**

**Snogs: 0 **

**Men remotely interested in me as a sexual being: 0 (appalling)**

**Italian: Finished**

**Dates for Slug Club: 0**

**Dresses: 1 (Good)**

**Engaged mothers: 1**

**Men interested in my mother: Hundreds (bitch).**

**Engaged fathers: 1 (bloody hell)**

* * *

10am- Agh. So hungover. I think I'll have a Bloody Mary to try putting it off.

.

10.10am- Bloody Mary is bloody brilliant. Hangover gone. I wonder if the actual Blood Mary was that bad? She sounded like a bit of a lunatic. Hmm.

Okay, enough on that. We're going shopping for the Ball. I must find two dresses by the end of our shopping trip. I must!

.

1pm- Good! I found one! It's not amazing, but I don't mind it. It's black (good for hiding my recent bulges) and is quite structured at the top, which magically gives me more of a waist. It's okay. I'll wear it to the Slug Club party. I want something a bit nicer for the Valedictory Ball, though.

Note to self: Am not allowed to eat until after the ball. Must try to lose this excess weight before then. I wonder if I could take some slimming potion again? That stuff worked!

.

1.10pm- Hmm, I went to the apothecary to buy some, and Mary and Lily caught me and told me off. Bitches. Can't they see that I'm actually fat now? Hmph.

.

6pm. I hate Sirius. I know they say 'don't shoot the messenger', but he didn't have to bring me such horrible news.

When I came back from Hogsmeade, he grabbed me and sat me down and thrust a drink at me, and said-

'Jones, drink.'

I did.

'Okay. Now I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but I thought it might be better that you be prepared for what I'm about to tell you.'

I raised my eyebrows.

'You've decided you want to marry me?'

He sighed impatiently. Fucking hell. Why am I so repulsive.'

'No,' he said slowly. 'But Julio has decided he wishes to marry your mother…. And she's accepted him. He proposed at my restaurant last night. I don't know… I thought it might be better coming from me, than reading it in tomorrow's Daily Prophet'.

Well, at that, I passed out. When I came to, I was lying on the couch with my feet up. Sirius handed me a glass of water.

'Is it true? Or was it just a nightmare?'

'I'm afraid it's true,' said Sirius. 'Sorry.'

I got up slowly. It's really annoying that she's gone and done this. I mean, I have no real reason for why it's annoying… but it is.

I can also forsee her becoming the Bridezilla to top all Bridezillas over this wedding. It's going to be horrible.

I turned to Sirius and seized his shoulders like a madwoman.

'You have to go with me.'

'What?'

'To the wedding. Please don't make me go alone. Please!'

He smiled at me and hugged me to his side.

'It's okay, Jones. I'll go with you.'

I then pushed him away, getting angry again.

'I can't believe it. Why is she engaged? How?'

'They've been together for a while. It can't be _too _surprising.'

'But… she's so horrible! How can so many men love her? I don't get it! I don't!'

I then glared at Sirius.

'Would _you_ go for a woman like that?'

'What?'

'Her! She treats them mean, and keeps them keen! And yet I sit her being nice and lovely to everyone, and no one wants me. Is being a super bitch the key to becoming irresistible to men?'

He tried to placate me, but I was in too much of a state. I think I snapped something at him, and then stormed off to my dorm.

I'm going to sit here and sulk for a while. I think I deserve sulking time.

.

8pm- Okay, this is TOO MUCH. I just received an owl from dad, notifying me that he's proposed to Shirley, and she's accepted.

FUCKING HELL.

I'm just going to have a bit of a lie down, I think.

.

8.10pm- I think a couple of drinks are acceptable given the circumstances.

* * *

**June 26**

**Engaged mothers: 1 (still)**

**Engaged fathers: 1 (gah)**

**Engaged friends: 2 (Jamily)**

**Best friends: 2**

**Single best friends: 0**

**Boyfriends: 0**

**Snogs: 0**

**Shags: 0**

**Hours spent sulking: 10 (approx. V. good given the circumstances)**

* * *

10am- Hmph. Mary and Lily are being v. unsympathetic. They are ignoring me. They're more interested in their 'double date' lunch with Remus and James. Hmph.

Sirius is working all day today. I wonder if Peter's around?

.

12noon- Oh goodness! Peter broke up with his girlfriend last night. Or, rather, she broke up with him. The bitch. He's v. upset. Have been counselling him through it all morning. Was very good, actually, as took my mind off my own issues.

I wonder if Jamie even cares about this situation our parents are in? I doubt it.

Anyway. Back to Peter. We're going to have lunch together. I said it's v important he doesn't become a recluse now and that it's important he stays in the game. He's really very sweet. And cute. I wonder… hmm.

.

4pm- I love Peter! He said he'd come with me to the Slug Club party! He said it was the least he could do for all my help. Yay! I have a date! I am not completely hopeless!

Okay. On Peter- he's not as good looking as Sirius but, let's face it, not many people are. He's not as smart but, again, Sirius is extremely smart. He's just quite average.

But he's really nice. He really is. And I feel a bit more 'on level' with him. He doesn't intimidate me, or make me feel inadequate. Actually, it's quite relaxing being around him.

But he isn't Sirius, all the same…. Hmph.

.

6pm- Okay. Am getting ready now! Lily said she'll do my hair for me…

.

6.10pm- Disaster! Lily is a terrible hairdresser! My hair is fucking SPIKEY!

Am going to have a quick shower and do it myself. Hmph.

.

6.45pm- Okay, I think I look decent. Fat, wobbly and certainly not stunning… but decent. Ooooh I'm excited now! I hope Peter's not too down about his girlfriend tonight…

* * *

**Another long chapter! At least Anna's figured out her future career now. But both her parents are to remarry? **

**Next chapter is the FINAL school chapter! I'm so sad. But be aware, this fic is spanning the entire year (not the school year) so we've a while to go yet!**

**Your quotes-**

'_Boyfriends: 1'_**(!)**

AND

'_Fucking Hell. My parents are getting married on the SAME day, at the SAME time.'_

**I would love to hear your thoughts… in the form of a review? =)**

**Love, **

**Anya**

**P.S. As usual, links to stalking devices are listed on my Author's Page. Also, I have a novel out. You should check it out. It's called 'Stained Glass'. **


	22. Chapter 22: June 27 to 28

**June 27**

**Engaged parents: 2**

**Boyfriends: ****1 (v. good)**** 0 (bad)**

**Annoyance with Sirius: Huge**

**Near-death experiences: 1**

**Dates: 1 (good)**

* * *

**10am- **Sirius Black is so… gah! I'm so annoyed with him!

Okay, so I now have a boyfriend. Peter Pettigrew asked me out last night, and I said yes.

And I'm pissed off at Sirius, because he was so bloody rude about it.

I think it's easier to explain if I recount last night chronologically.

Oomph. Bloody hell. It just started pouring and the window's open. Gahhh.

Okay! Right. Where was I…. oh yes, yesterday. Eugh. Hold on. I need to get changed. I'm soaking!

.

Right, so I met Peter to go to the Slug Club party and he was really sweet! He even got me a corsage which was totally unnecessary, but lovely nonetheless.

Anyway, so James kept giving us weird looks, but said nothing because he was dragged away by Lily to 'mingle'.

As I didn't really know anyone there, I just sat with Peter. He was so lovely. This is roughly our conversation (before it was ruined, hmph)-

'Hey Anna, why don't you have a boyfriend? You don't have one, do you?'

I shook my head.

'No… but you're a guy! Why don't _you_ tell me why I don't have a boyfriend?'

He blushed.

'I have no idea. You're pretty and smart and you're so nice!'

I actually laughed at this. Peter thinks I'm smart. ME?

He then got a little sad-

'You're the nicest girl I know. You're not bitchy like those other girls. You care about people. Even Lily and Mary usually ignore me for the other Marauders.'

I frowned.

'They don't! It's just that they're so absorbed with their boyfriends. I mean, look at Lily and Sirius! They hate each other!'

Peter laughed.

'Yeah, I suppose that's true. You should've seen Sirius when he found out James was going to propose. He got really stroppy and then went off and sulked for the rest of the day.'

'Yeah, what's with that? Is he secretly in love with James?'

'Remus and I think so,' Peter grinned, handing me a glass of champagne.

I took it and we talked about other random things for a while. Then, Peter became a bit nervous again.

'Anna?'

'Yeah? What's wrong? Did I say…'

He shook his head nervously.

'No, no… listen… I… do you think we could go out? I mean, would you like to…'

He got so flustered asking me. It was possibly the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

Just at that moment, however, we were interrupted by Sirius, who decided to show up after all. He clapped us on the shoulders.

'Oh hello. Guess who managed to get out of work early!' he said, grinning.

I looked at Sirius, but didn't really register what he was saying, because I was so surprised that Peter had just asked me out.

Sirius frowned.

'What's going on? I hope Peter's not upsetting you, Anna—'

Peter then looked away, looking really embarrassed. I turned to Sirius. It was the first time I'd ever been annoyed to see him.

'Sirius, shut up for a second.'

He looked at us strangely.

'Okay, what's going on?' he snapped.

'Can you give us a second?'

'No,' he said stoutly. 'What's going on? Are you talking about me?'

I was getting really annoyed now. A part of me wasn't really certain if I _wanted_ to go out with Peter. I can't say I'd ever had romantic feelings towards him and, even now (if I'm to be completely honest) I'm not sure how I feel about it. But I'm sure it'll grow on me.

But, with Sirius there, I didn't really have a proper chance to think it through… so I said yes.

Ignoring Sirius, I turned to Peter and said 'Yes. Yes I will…. But I have to go now.'

'Hold on a sec,' said Sirius. 'You'll do what?'

I crossed my arms.

'Peter and I are now going out.'

Sirius stared at us stupidly for a moment.

'I'm sorry… what?'

'Peter and I are going out,' I repeated. 'He asked me out, and I said yes.'

At that moment, James decided to come over. I think he could sense that things were getting very tense in our corner of the room.

'What's going on?'

Sirius looked the other way, very annoyed.

'I don't understand why you're so angry, Sirius?' said Peter. 'She's your friend. You like Anna.'

Sirius snorted and walked off, muttering 'can't believe I left work for this.'

Peter and I turned to James, for some kind of explanation.

'James. What the fuck is Sirius' problem? Why would he be annoyed if I'm going out with Peter?'

James' eyes widened.

'You're going out with Anna?' he shot at Peter. 'You absolutely can't do that!'

I was becoming very fed up.

'What do you mean, 'he can't do that'?' I snapped. 'We're both single. We can do as we please.'

James tugged at his hair and then turned to Peter.

'Didn't you just break up with Ness? Isn't it a bit soon to be moving on already?'

Peter looked really upset now. I don't blame him.

'But I don't understand,' he said. 'I like Anna. What's the problem? It's not like you or Sirius love her…'

James cleared his throat then and, suddenly, it occurred to me.

'Oh no!' I snapped. 'Oh no, I see what this is. It's like when you wanted to propose to Lily and he was in a strop with you. He doesn't want you to get married because he'll be 'losing' his best friend- like he doesn't want me to have a boyfriend, because he'll lose the only friend of his who is conveniently single. No. No bloody way. I'm not giving in to his childishness!'

I stormed off, highly annoyed. I went straight to the common room, and then to the Boys' Dorms and tore back Sirius' hangings. Unfortunately, he was naked at this point so my entrance was kind of hindered…

'What the fuck!' I screamed, covering my eyes. 'Why are you naked?'

'Why are you IN here?' he shouted. 'Haven't you heard of knocking?'

I kept my eyes covered until he said he was decent. I crossed my arms as I looked at him.

'What was that, just now?' I snapped.

He looked at me sourly.

'Anna, you won't work out with Peter. You're not right for each other. Trust me.'

I was so angry (and still am) at that comment.

'He's your fucking friend!' I screamed. 'You're not meant to say things like that! Why can't you just be happy for me that someone has finally decided to ask me out? It's not as though it happens so often that I can be picky about whom I go out with!'

'Are you that desperate?' he shot at me. 'Are you telling me that you're not going out with Peter because you like him, but because he happens to be someone who's interested in you?'

'No,' I snapped (though I felt annoyed because I knew there was some truth in what he'd just said).

'You are,' he said, getting up and standing in front of me. 'What's wrong with you?'

I blew my lid at this.

'I don't know, Sirius!' I screamed. 'I don't fucking know what's wrong with me... But you seem to always think there's something wrong with me, so why don't _you_ tell me what it is?'

'You have no self esteem, or sense of self-worth!'

I took a step back.

'So you're saying that the only kind of girl who would go out with Peter would have no self worth? You know, I always thought you were at least a good friend. But you're not. I can't believe how much you're slagging Peter off, right now!'

Sirius' eyes flashed.

'You're putting words in my mouth. Peter's fine. But you don't like him because he's Peter. He asked you out and you decided that you ought to go out with him because, as you yourself said, 'No one ever asks you out'.'

We stared at each other for a while and then I shrugged, feeling very depressed.

'Why can't you just be happy that I might have a chance at having a nice boyfriend? I thought we were friends enough for you to at least be happy for me.'

And with that I left. I haven't seen him since. I told Mary about it, and she seems to think it's because Sirius is in love with me (hah hah hah yeah right) and he is jealous. She's unsure as to whether Peter and I are compatible as boyfriend and girlfriend, but she didn't expand upon it because I think she didn't want me to blow my lid at her as well.

Well I don't care. Peter mightn't be the fittest or the smartest boy in our year, but that doesn't mean he's not good for me. I mean, look at Daniel- the supposed genius Auror, with amazing looks… and he turned out to be the biggest arsehole ever.

No, I think Peter is good for me.

.

12 noon- Oh my GOD. Men are SUCH arsewipes. Peter is a fucking spineless little wanker.

He dumped me. The little fucker DUMPED ME! ME!

HE dumped ME!

I can't believe this. I was so mad I hexed him out of the Common Room.

Can you believe it?

Thank goodness I never snogged the little shit. I can't believe it. He said he thought about it, and decided that he wasn't thinking straight because he was still upset about his breakup with Ness. He also said that Ness has asked him for a second chance this morning, and that he loved her and wanted to get back with her.

THE LITTLE SHIT.

I'm so angry. Why are they ruining my final days at Hogwarts? At this rate, I'll be glad to be rid of them.

.

1pm- Right. I don't need a man. I'm going to get my life in order. Going RIGHT NOW to Minnie's office for a form to submit my application for psychology course. I'm going to do this. I can do it.

.

8pm- Oh my giddy aunt. I hate this. I'm still angry with Sirius, but he did kind of just save my life so… I hate him a little less.

Well, to be completely honest, I don't hate him at all.

So I went to Minnie and put my application is. I think she was kind of proud of me, because she said I should list her as a reference, which was nice of her. I think I'll list Sluggie as my second reference. Would be good if I could put Dumbledore on the list but, after my performance in Sex Ed, I don't think he'll be in a hurry to praise me.

Anyway, so I sent off my application. Suddenly, I felt so much better, because I'd finally made some kind of real decision regarding my future.

Feeling too empowered for my own good, at that point, I decided it might be a good idea for me to try my hand at flying again (I'm such an idiot!).

Well, unlike my first attempt, I managed to get off the ground this time. A bit _too _far off the ground…

You see, I shot off the ground really fast. I was so high above the ground, and then I started crying because I suddenly remembered that I'm scared of heights.

My broom started bucking weirdly at this point, and I seriously thought I was going to die. Thankfully, I managed to grab onto one of the goal posts before the broom bucked me off for good.

At that point, I was freaking terrified. I was so high off the ground, and yet I had no means of getting back down to the ground. I started praying to every god I could think of. I don't know how long I held on there. I'm guessing for 10 mins at least. It felt like hours.

I have to say, I've never been so thankful to see Sirius. I had my eyes tightly shut and was trying to stay very still and not let go, when I felt something touching my shoulder. I was so shocked I nearly fell off.

'Steady there, Anna,' he said, sounding quite concerned. 'Just give me your hand.'

'No way!' I screamed (idiotically). 'I'm not getting on that thing with you!'

'Anna,' he said evenly. 'You might want to save our arguments for when you're on ground level. Just give me your hand.'

'No!' I cried. 'I don't trust brooms. They have minds of their own!'

'Anna, it's okay. Nothing will happen to you. Just trust me.'

'Trust you? Hah!'

'Right,' he said pulling out his wand.

My eyes widened and I quickly gave him my hand. He somehow helped me onto his broom, and then flew us down to the lovely, sturdy ground (which I vow to never leave ever again).

I was so terrified, that I wouldn't let go once we'd landed. He had to prise my hands off him. Then, I was so shocked, that I couldn't stop shaking.

'Jesus, Anna. What were you thinking? This wasn't some kind of suicide attempt, was it? I know you thought Peter was right for you, but you weren't exactly going out for long!'

'N…not P…peter,' I chattered. 'I w…wanted to f…fly.'

He looked at me incredulously.

'Your brother's the star of the Jamaican team. Do you mean to tell me you can't fly a broomstick?'

I shook my head and he laughed at me and led me to an empty classroom. He lit the fireplace and sat me in front of it, handing me a pillow to sit on, and transfiguring a chair into a lovely, thick blanket.

'How did you find me?' I mumbled.

He sat next to me.

'I was looking for you on the Map. I wanted to check you were okay. Mary said you'd gone missing.'

'Stalker.'

'How about 'Saviour'?' he grinned.

I screwed up my nose.

'You may think you're God's gift to this Earth, but you're not Jesus. 1,000 years from now, people won't have an organised religion centred around worshipping you.'

He laughed.

'You never know… they might.'

I didn't respond to this. I was still pretty shaken about my failed attempt at flying. I don't understand how Jamie or Pottyhead or Sirius do it… or, rather, WHY they do it.

'I'm sorry about the whole Peter thing. I was a bit out of line. But, in fairness, you have to admit that you guys weren't exactly compatible.'

I pursed my lips and rested my head on his shoulder.

'Yeah, but it was nice to feel wanted… for once. Though I now wish he never bothered. I can't believe the wanker dumped me!'

'Trust me, I think he did you a favour.'

I wrinkled my nose.

'I guess. I was a little unsure about how I'd go about kissing him. I really don't think I could have done it.'

Then I looked up at Sirius, seriously (hah hah)

'But that was _my _decision to make. Not yours.'

'Fine. I'm sorry.'

I looked away. In a way, I'm glad we got over that stupid argument as quickly as we did. I wouldn't have liked to have finished school being on bad terms with Sirius.

'Will we still be friends once school finishes?' I asked after a while.

'We had better be!' he laughed.

'Will you miss school?'

He became very quiet and I looked up to see his eyes had hardened.

'Yes,' he said quietly. 'It's my favourite place in the world.

'Yeah,' I sighed. 'Me too. I kind of wish we could all just live in a huge house, all together.'

'Somehow, I think I'd end up killing Lily,' Sirius laughed. 'And I don't think that my murdering James' fiancée will do much for our friendship.'

'Yeah… she can be a bit much, sometimes.'

We sat in silence for a while, and then I stood up and transfigured the blanket back into a chair.

'I think I should change out of these clothes. They're wet.'

Sirius flicked his wand at me and, suddenly, I was dry again.

'Thanks,' I said quietly.

'S'ok.'

'And thanks for saving me too.'

He shrugged and then looked up at me.

'Would you by any chance fancy a trip to Hogsmeade tonight?'

I smiled at him and said I would like that very much.

So yeah…. We're going to Hogsmeade tonight. Gahh I hate this. I prefer hating Sirius, because it makes fancying him SO much easier.

But now I think I'm love with him all over again. Woe is me.

* * *

**June 28**

**Snogs: 3 (excellent)**

**Boyfriends: 0 (not so excellent)**

**Engaged Parents: 2**

**Hours spent wishing Sirius would shag me: approx. 9 (v. good given circumstances)**

**Near-death experiences: 0 (excellent)**

* * *

10am- I'm functioning on 4 hours of sleep. We stayed up almost all night. Was v. fun.

We started off at the Three Broosmticks. After a few drinks, Sirius was less serious (thank goodness! He's a bit annoying when he's serious), and I had thankfully forgotten all about my near-death experience.

We made a list of the top three things we wanted to do before we finished school, and gave them to each other. I was a bit/very drunk, so this was my list-

1/ Snog someone in a Broom Cupboard (it's shameful I'd never done this before)

2/ Send Minnie a vibrator

3/ Stroke Dumbledore's beard

.

Here was Sirius' list:

1/ Propose to Minnie

2/ Snog Madam Rosmerta

3/ Switch James' lubricant with permanent sticking glue

.

I found it ironic that Minnie had made it to both our lists. Anyway. After assessing each other's lists, we decided that they were 100% realistic and that we could totally finish them by the end of school.

So, excited, we decided to start working on them right away. As we were at the Three Broomsticks, we decided that we'd might as well start with Sirius' 2nd wish of snogging Rosmerta. Just quietly, I wasn't _too _thrilled about his snogging the ginormously-breasted barmaid, but what could I do?

So I stood to the side awkwardly as Sirius went up to Rosmerta and laid on the charm. He yapped on about how it's his greatest schoolboy dream (liar! Proposing to Minnie is!), and how it would really make his school year if she obliged him with a little kiss.

To my indignation, Rosmerta grinned at him, leant forward, and snogged him ON THE LIPS!

Sirius was so dazed after that we had to sit down for another drink. It goes without saying that I wasn't very impressed by this.

Once he'd recovered, we decided that the next item we should cross off should be sending Minnie a vibrator.

Now, let me qualify that I had never visited a Sex Shop before last night. I'd walked past them, and Mary and I had always _talked_ about going inside… but we'd never been game enough to actually go inside.

'Come on,' said Sirius, holding the door for me.

I flushed bright red.

'Go _inside_?' I whispered. 'What if someone sees me?'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'They won't. Come on, Anna! Don't be such a nancy.'

'How about you go inside and get one? I'll wait here.'

Before I could come up with any further (lame) excuses, Sirius grabbed me and pushed me inside the store.

I was instantly met with what seemed to be an extensive library of pornographic magazines and videos. As we walked past one particularly sick one (it's so twisted I can't even write it in here), I stopped and gaped at it.

'Is that even _legal_?'

Sirius laughed as he saw the video.

'Don't worry. It's not real. They use chocolate mousse. See? When have you ever seen a turd look that _fluffy_?'

I shuddered (remembering it still makes me quite nauseous).

'You're sick. Have you actually _watched_ this?'

'It's funny,' Sirius laughed. 'It's obviously fake. It's less porn, and more a comedy. We gave it to James for his Coming of Age present. I can guarantee you he wasn't coming…'

'Thanks, I've heard enough!' I interrupted, blushing.

Sirius pouted at me.

'My, my, is the sexpert of our year blushing?'

I stopped again, and stared in horror at the next BDSM video.

'Come on!' I groaned. 'That's sick!'

'Yeah, I don't like it,' Sirius said. 'Let's keep walking…'

We reached the Lesbian porn section and I raised an eyebrow at Sirius.

'So…. You never told me who ended up winning the 'Willy Measuring' competition.'

'Yeah, and I'm sworn to Marauder's code to never divulge the results,' said Sirius, continuing to walk through the store.

'So what's your favourite kind of porn?' I said, picking up a video entitled 'Redheads on Fire' and thinking that James would probably enjoy it.

'Threesomes.'

'Really? Isn't there all that deal about the 'crossing swords'? I thought guys didn't like…'

Sirius grinned.

'No, Anna- two girls, one guy. It's the best.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Yeah. That'd be right. But I don't understand it. There's only one… well… willy. I mean, I can understand two guys and one girl, because everyone's always, well, occupied. But, with two girls and one guy… one girl's always going to be shoved awkwardly to the side.'

Sirius tapped his nose.

'Trust me, there are _always_ things for that other girl to do. For example…'

I held up a hand.

'I don't want to know…. Goodness! Are they blow up _penises_?' I wondered, aghast as I took in the store decorations.

'Anna, you're impossible! It's a sex shop. What do you expect? Here's an idea… why don't you buy one for Lily?'

I peered at Sirius.

'Has she done the full thing with James yet? I've walked in on them doing _other things…_ but she's never mentioned actually going the full mile with James.'

Sirius laughed.

'No. Unfortunately, Lily wants to wait until the wedding.'

I laughed.

'Well that explains James' urgency to get married.'

'Exactly,' said Sirius grimly.

We stopped as we arrived at the vibrators.

'Well, Miss Jones, take your pick.'

I stared at the vibrators. They're quite scary when you look at them in real life; these massive rubber contraptions that have all sorts of weird things sticking out of them. One even had veins!

'I don't know!' I stammered.

'Would you like some help?'

We both turned to the sales assistant. I wanted to climb in a hole and hide.

'Yes,' said Sirius, totally unashamed. 'Which vibrator's your most popular one?'

'Oh, definitely Merlin's Hotrod,' grinned the assistant. 'Would you like me to take one out so you can feel it?'

'Sure- it's for Anna over here.'

I glared at Sirius.

'No, really, I trust you. It's not for…. '

But I was too late. The sales assistant had already thrust it into my palm.

'This one feels very realistic… with added settings. We've got various speeds, all adjustable at the bottom here, and there's a clip on…'

'Agh! Okay! Um… yep. That feels great. I'll take one of those!' I interrupted, completely mortified.

I punched Sirius' arm on our way to the counter.

'Tell you what. When's your birthday?'

'None of your bloody business,' I snapped. 'We're no longer friends.'

'How about us Marauders chip in and buy you a 'Merlin's Hotrod'?'

I pointed a finger at him.

'Don't you dare!'

He grinned. I went to pay for the vibrator, but he wouldn't let me.

'It's my present to Anna, here,' he said, winking at the sales assistant.

I resisted the urge to slap Sirius until we'd exited the Sex Shop.

'Hey!' he pouted. 'Why are you hitting me?'

'Because!' I snapped. 'That sales assistant thinks you bought that _thing_ for me!'

'I did. It's on your list.'

I rolled my eyes at him and we walked away from the shop.

'We'll send it when we get back to school,' Sirius said lightly. 'Now. What's next?'

'I'll have to do Dumbledore's beard either tomorrow or the day after. Similarly, I think Minnie's proposal will have to wait till she's awake.'

'True.'

'And I doubt I'm going to find anyone to snog me in a broom cupboard at this hour so I guess… we'd better go send that vibrator, and then it's up to you to switch James' lube!'

We stopped by the Hog's Head for a final drink before leaving for Hogwarts. We went straight to the owlery, and Sirius chose a school owl to send the vibrator to Minnie. We both laughed as we watched it flying off.

'Do you think she'll like it?'

Sirius grinned.

'I think she'll _love it_. The future generations will have you to thank for helping Minnie sort out her sex-starved anger issues.'

As we neared the Common Room, Sirius suddenly pulled me into a broom-cupboard and started snogging me. I was so shocked, that I pushed him off me.

'What the hell?'

'You wanted to snog in a broom-cupboard,' he said, unrepentant.

'Oh….'

'So do you want to cross it off your list, or not?'

Let me tell you now, my heart felt like it was doing back flips as he kissed me again. I think it had been so long since he last snogged me that I'd forgotten just how amazing it was.

But it DIDN'T LAST LONG ENOUGH.

Before I knew it, he'd separated from me and had the door held open for me. I guess it was my turn to be in a daze.

'You okay?' he said, looking at me as we walked.

'Yes,' I said weakly. 'In your opinion, do you think the snogging experience is enhanced in the setting of a broom cupboard?'

He grinned proudly.

'Was I _that_ good?'

I rolled my eyes and we entered the common room. It was around 3.30am at this point, so I was feeling pretty sleepy.

'Want to help me switch James' lube?'

I shook my head.

'No, I think 2 shadows would wake him.'

'Good point.'

'But good luck.'

We looked at each other for a moment longer, and then I smiled as something occurred to me.

'Can you humour me?' I asked.

'Huh?'

I went up to him and kissed him again. When I withdrew, I laughed at how shocked he looked.

'Yeah, I was right. Snogging _is _much better in broom cupboards…. Goodnight Sirius!'

And with that I left him, looking at me like I was a mad kissing offender or something.

Anyway. I can't help it. I keep replaying those snogs in my mind. They were just so wonderful.

WHY THE HELL DID PETER ASK ME OUT? WHY CAN'T SIRIUS ASK ME OUT?

Then again, it's probably a good thing he hasn't asked me out. Judging from my previous history, I'll probably refuse him without even realising it.

I think I'll just sleep for a few more hours before lunch. Apparently we're going for a group picnic in the afternoon. I wonder if it'll involve Sirius feeding me strawberries…. Mmmmm. I hope I at least dream about that….

.

1.20pm- Bloody hell. That was a nightmare if ever I've had one. Oh my… agh! I was snogging Peter. It was horrible. And then he tried to shag me and… eugh!

I am SO thankful that he and I never actually went out…. Properly.

.

1.40pm- Okay. Am going to get ready for this picnic. I'm not seeing much point to it, other than the obvious food aspect. Picnics are meant to be romantic.

I see nothing romantic about watching Jamily and Remy feeding each other and nuzzling at each other while I sit on the ground with a sore arse, eating myself into a sorry oblivion.

Note to self: PURCHASE DRESS FOR VALEDICTORY BALL TOMORROW. DO NOT FORGET!

.

2.30pm- Hmm, James has mysteriously not shown up yet. I wonder if Sirius ended up switching his lube….

.

2.31pm- Sirius says he did. Hmmm…. This could be quite bad. Sirius is going to check on James now. I want to come. I think I'll join him… He he he

.

6pm- Oh Merlin. That was horrific. I have now officially seen James Potter's winky. But not before Sirius (rather menacingly) forced me to swear to NEVER ever divulge the truth of his prank to James. Like I would anyway. Pah!

When we arrived at the Boys' Dorm, Sirius turned to me.

'Wait here for a second.'

I waited patiently, but tried not to laugh when I heard James' relieved exclamation upon seeing Sirius. Then, I heard a gasp from Sirius, and a bit of swearing. A minute later, Sirius was at the door.

'Anna, we need your help. Brace yourself. It's not pretty.'

Grimacing already, I entered the dorm to find James' right hand stuck to his willy. It was HORRIBLE. I'm not joking. His winky was actually turning a horrible shade of beet, and the tip actually looked a little blue.

'Holy fuck!' I exclaimed. 'Sirius, we have to get him to the Hospital Wing!'

Sirius turned to me.

'Yes. And how do you propose we do this? Look at him!'

'Stretcher?'

'You can't put anything on top of it!' groaned James. 'It's too painful.'

'Not even a sheet?'

'No fucking way!'

I gulped.

'James, do you really want to expose _this_ to everyone we might come across?'

James started swearing and shouting at us, so we escaped outside for a moment.

'Bloody hell…. That looks bad!' I whispered.

'I know,' groaned Sirius. 'I never expected it to have such terrible consequences!'

'Maybe we could bring Madame Pomfrey here?'

Sirius shook his head.

'No, she can't. She's not allowed to leave the Hospital Wing unless someone is unconscious.'

I pursed my lips.

'Doesn't James have an invisibility cloak?'

'Yeah…'

'Okay… this is what we'll do.'

We went back to the dorm, where James was still letting out a stream of swearwords, and I set to finding anything that might act as a sort of protective tent, around his willy. I charmed the sticks and rulers to remain fixed to his jeans, and upright.

'Oh… that's clever,' said Sirius appreciatively, as he saw what I was doing. (Yay! I'm clever, for once!)

He then set to summoning a stretcher, and got out James' invisibility cloak.

'Okay Prongs, we're going to move you now…'

We got him on the stretcher, and then covered him with the invisibility cloak.

'Are you okay?' Sirius asked.

'Do I fucking look okay? My hand's stuck to my bloody cock!'

Sirius and I winced and we started moving towards the staircase.

'Okay, just shut up now. We don't exactly want people to know you're here.'

'Before we go out, you both have to promise me you'll never tell Lily. Especially you, Anna.'

'No,' I said shaking my head. 'Course not!'

As we were nearing the Hospital Wing, however, James' common sense seemed to have made a bit of a recovery.

'Hang on…' he said slowly. 'What was permanent sticking glue doing in my drawer, anyway? I don't own…'

'_Stupefy!'_

I stared at Sirius, shocked.

'I can't believe you just did that!'

Sirius shrugged, totally unapologetic for stunning his best friend.

'We'll just say he passed out from pain. Honestly, it's not good for him to get so worked up in his current condition.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Yeah, I'm sure that's why you knocked him out.'

'Oh come on. He did it to me in third year. I always said I'd get him back… one day. And that day is today!'

I ogled at Sirius.

'This happened to you before?'

Sirius grinned and shook his head.

'Oh no, I'm a bit cleverer than that. I always read the label before I put _anything_ near the most important part of my body. I caught his prank out before it happened.'

'Poor James,' I sighed. 'Can't have sex with Lily… now he can't even masturbate without having bad memories!'

But then I couldn't help laughing.

'But it is pretty funny, I have to admit. Good job.'

Sirius grinned at me and we finally arrived at the hospital wing.

'You know,' he mused. 'I don't particularly want to explain this to Madame Pomfrey. How about we steal the cloak, knock on her office door, and leave James to her expert hands?'

I giggled at this, and he hit me.

'You've such a dirty mind! I knew taking you to that sex shop was a mistake.'

I giggled again as we took the cloak off James. For a moment, we surveyed the damage.

'it looks worse. It's… swollen.'

'Given he's a bit on the skinny side, I daresay we've improved it!'

I laughed, and Sirius threw the cloak over us and knocked on Madame Pomfrey's door. Just as Madame Pomfrey opened the door, Sirius revived James. She screamed when she saw him. Sirius had to clamp a hand over my mouth to stop me from laughing out loud.

'How long have you been at school, Potter?' she snapped.

'Seven years,' groaned James.

'Then you should have learnt by now to never put anything on your penis before checking the label. Tut tut… Very well, let's sort you out.'

'Let's go,' whispered Sirius, nudging me.

As soon as we were out of earshot, we started laughing again.

'Poor James,' I gasped. 'It must be humiliating for him.'

Just at that moment, however, we were met by Lily, Mary, and Peter and Remus. That bloody map!

'What's James doing in the Hospital Wing?' snapped Lily, looking from Sirius to me accusatorily (for once, she was actually right, seeing as it kind of was our fault)…

'Just a routine check up,' said Sirius smoothly. 'He'll be done in an hour.'

'Routine check up?' frowned Peter. 'How come I've never had one?'

Lily pointed a threatening finger at Sirius and, for the first time, their mutual dislike seemed to be quite obvious.

I should explain what I mean here- I don't think Sirius dislikes Lily as a person, but I know he doesn't like the effect she has on James. Similarly, I know Lily only dislikes Sirius' influence over James. Honestly, if James were out of the picture, they'd probably get on really well.

Anyway, back to Lily and her AB-ness.

'Sirius Black, you tell me what's going on right this instant!'

'Uh…'

'It's my fault!' I exclaimed.

Everyone turned to me, and I saw Sirius frowning at me.

'How is this your fault, Anna?' said Lily, her tone steely.

I looked to Sirius for help. The truth was, I had no real explanation.

'Okay,' I said, trying to think as quickly as I could. 'Right. Well, the thing is… you see…'

'Get to the point, Anna.'

'I don't appreciate that tone,' interjected Sirius, giving me a look that said quite clearly 'hurry up and think of something!'.

'You're not the only one who cares for James.'

'Oh, you _care_ about him, but not enough to be a good influence on him!'

'I'm his friend, not his bloody parent. We're _meant_ to have fun together, Lily. Have you ever heard of the concept of fun?'

Mary suddenly inched towards me and muttered 'You told him to bring tea to the picnic, and he scaleded himself with boiling water.'

I could have kissed her! Mary and I have this special connection where she knows when I'm lying/need help. Thankfully, Lily can't read me so well, because I'd be in deep trouble right now.

'He scalded himself!' I shouted, interrupting Sirius and Lily's argument

They both turned to me.

'What?' snapped Lily.

'You see, I told him to bring tea to the picnic. Apparently he spilt boiling water all down his front and… burnt his _you know what_ quite badly. He asked us not to say anything to you because he didn't want you to worry. Madam Pomfrey's fixing him up right now. Please don't tell him we told you!'

Sirius looked very relieved at that moment. Lily's expression turned from annoyance, to love.

'He didn't want me to worry?'

'Is that all you took from that?' Sirius snapped.

'Sirius, not now,' muttered Remus, nudging him.

'That's… uh… right,' I said, nodding vigorously. 'He's really embarrassed about it all. You know how boys are about their… um… packages.'

Lily suddenly beamed at us and we all sighed, relieved.

'Okay then… I won't say anything,' she said, nodding importantly. 'I'm going to go back to our dorm in case he finds me here. Girls, are you coming?'

'Sure… we'll be right there!' called Mary.

As soon as Lily was out of ear-shot, she leaned in.

'What actually happened?'

'It seems he confused permanent sticking glue for his personal lubricant,' said Sirius, his lips twitching.

Mary grinned triumphantly.

'I knew it! Okay Anna, let's sod off in case Lily comes back and finds out the truth about her beloved fiancé.

So now we're entertaining Lily, who keeps gushing about how sweet and considerate James is for thinking and mentioning her at a time of extreme pain. Mary has, thankfully, just cracked open a bottle of wine and passed it to me saying 'You might need this a bit more than me.'

.

7pm- James is okay now. Sirius is still not fessing up his role in his rather embarrassing trip to the Hospital Wing. Neither am I, let's be honest. Thankfully, James hasn't had the opportunity to question any of us, as he is otherwise occupied with his very publicly affectionate girlfriend. Oh sorry- his _fiancée._

.

8pm- Oh lovely. I just received two letters from my separate parents. They look suspiciously like wedding invitations.

Am going to have a Bellini before opening them…

.

8.15pm- Fucking Hell. My parents are getting married on the SAME day, at the SAME time.

Can't they bloody grow up? Can't ONE of them change their date? What am I to do? Get a time turner? Choose?

Because, if they want me to choose, I'm choosing dad.

But mum will have really amazing designer bridesmaids dresses for me…

No! No! I choose dad! Must choose dad.

…. But I might look into a time turner. I wouldn't mind _actually_ owning a Malkin Couture dress…

.

9pm- Look, am not going to worry about parents until I see them, post-school. They are both silly and I'm not going to indulge their immaturity at such an important time in my life.

**It turns out this chapter would have been way too long if I included the final two days of school in it as well, so they shall be part of next chapter-**

'_It was absolutely humiliating. Just as I was about to enter the ball, my dress split. Note to self: Go on a HUGE cleansing detox diet as soon as I get home'._

ALSO

'…_. And then he kissed me…'_

.

**And, finally, out of the goodness of your heart, please consider leaving me a review! **

**Lots of love,**

**Anya**


	23. Chapter 23: June 29 to July 1

**June 29**

**Times stroked Dumbledore's beard: 2 (yesss!)**

**Sirius proposals to Minnie: 1**

**Interview requests: 2 (yesssssss!)**

**Hours spent being interrogated by James: 3**

**Hours spent wishing Sirius would shag me: 2 (v. good)**

* * *

**11am- **Merlin's saggy balls, Minnie is SUCH a bitch! If this was America, I'd sue her. I actually can't believe she withheld my mail. I'm sure that's all kinds of illegal!

Today, after breakfast, she called me into her office. I thought that she'd maybe found out that the vibrator was from me, and so envisioned the meeting to go one of two ways (I shall write them out here):

.

First option:

Minnie: Jones! I know it was you.

Me: Ohhh… yes. Um… it was Sirius, actually.

Minnie: Sirius? That beautiful boy!

(Minnie proceeds to shag Sirius as a thank-you present, making him the happiest toy boy on the planet, and me totally miserable at the thought that Sirius will shag a old and bitter crone like Minnie, but not me).

.

Option two:

Minnie: Anna! I know it was you. Thank you so much. I now know what I've been missing out on, all these years. How can I ever repay you?

Me: Hmmm

Minnie: How about I pull a few strings so that you get Outstandings in each and every NEWT you sat? Oh, and lets say you've got an Outstanding in Herbology too…

Me: Wow! That's… you can do that?

Minnie nods

Minnie: Yes… and, while we're here, how about we throw in Dux of the School?

Me: Me, Dux… ahhh….

I was envisioning my (favourite) option two, when Minnie barked at me to pay attention.

'Miss Jones,' she said in her usual AB-queen tone. 'I have some letters for you.'

She thrust two letters at me and I took them, frowning.

'Why have you got my letters?'

Minnie shrugged, unapologetic.

'I've been receiving all your 'press' mail on your behalf. I thought it was best that you weren't distracted by false promises of fame or glory until after you had finished your NEWTs.'

I was furious, but simply thanked her and left. I didn't think it'd be worth trying to have an argument (let alone win it) with Minnie. Especially not on my second-last day of school. Oh my goodness! Second last day? Aggggh!

Anyway, I have two letters. One from The Quibbler, asking that they interview me on my opinion of Snaglers (what the fuck?) and another- interestingly enough- from none other than Helen Asteria, who is now an editor at The Daily Prophet (how did she get that position so fast out of school? Lucky bitch!). She wants us to meet for coffee after I've graduated etc.

This might be interesting. I don't think I'll tell Sirius about her letter, though. Not for now, anyway.

And she had better write a nice article about me!

.

1.00pm- Hahaa. Sirius just proposed to Minnie. He went right up to her, in front of everyone during lunchtime, and said-

'Minevra McGonagall, you have frequented my school boy fantasies every single evening over the past seven years. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?'

At which point she hexed him back to our table (rude! She didn't even _consider _him!), but Sirius didn't seem to be too upset at the rejection so I guess it was okay?

Hmmm… I wonder if she's actually used the vibrator yet? Hmmm. Hmmm

.

2.00pm- Agh! Sirius is so EMBARRASSING!

Our group was walking back to the Common Room when we chanced upon Dumbledore, talking to Slughorn. Sirius dragged me over to Dumbledore and, before I could say anything, asked him if I could please stroke his beard.

And what did Dumbly do?

He said YES! Hahaha

It was very embarrassing to stroke. I was so embarrassed that I really didn't enjoy myself as much as I would have under different circumstances (not sure what these different circumstances would have been, but anyway…)

So now we have both completed our lists. Sirius hugged me in congratulations. Mmm. Was v nice.

.

3.00pm- Fuck. I don't have a dress for the Ball yet. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

.

10pm- Gahhh. James is so annoying.

He cornered me and locked me in a dark room for THREE WHOLE HOURS, interrogating me as to who it was who switched his lube. He was horrible. I'm worried about what he'll be like when he becomes an Auror. I'm not joking. I was close to tears by the end of it!

But I didn't betray Sirius. Thankfully, Sirius himself saved me from my Hell, fessed up to James, and then hugged me (again!) and thanked me for being so loyal to him.

I think James is now plotting Sirius' untimely demise. According to Lily (who is still blissfully unaware as to what actually happened to James), he says they can't do _anything_ involving his penis for the next two weeks.

It's kind of funny…. Kind of…

.

11pm- This is my second last night here. I'm terrified of leaving. I don't want to go! I don't want to!

Why is everyone asleep? Hmph. We should be awake, savouring every last moment here. Not getting 'beauty sleep' for tomorrow's Ball! What is this nonsense?

.

11.30pm- I'm going to check the common room. I don't want to sleep yet.

.

12 midnight- Hmph. No one is awake. I guess I had better go to sleep. Maybe will wake up early and go for a final walk around the grounds.

Or maybe I'll just cry myself to sleep…

* * *

**June 30**

**Weight: Scales are missing (again)  
**

**Calories: Who cares?**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Drinks: Thousands**

**Hours sleep: 0 (excellent, given is final night)**

**Sirius: Gay**

**Dumbledore: Also gay**

**Remus: (In denial) Gay**

**James: Wanker, but not gay**

**Me: Seriously considering becoming a lesbian at this rate**

**Dresses for ball: 1**

**Dresses ruined: 1**

**Awards received: 2 (V. good! Totally unexpected)**

**Smiles from Minnie: 2 (V. scary)**

**Number of times I've cried: 20 (v. good given circumstances)  
**

* * *

**9.30am- **NOOOO! I always knew Sirius was too good to be straight.

He just came in now, wearing a ridiculous feather boa, and said-

'Greetings, Hogwarts. I think it only fitting on our final day of school that I come out with the truth. I am gay. Yes, that's right- gay. Now I know you're going to say 'but what about all those girls?'

He got up on the Gryffindor Table at this point, and made a big show of clearing his throat.

'Well they, my chickens, were just a cover for my true sexuality. The truth is that I, Sirius Black, love the dick, always have, and always will.'

He then paused and winked at Snape, who looked positively green.

'Come and get me boys…'

After which he jumped off the table, waving his stupid feather boa about flamboyantly as he skipped out of the Great Hall.

Everyone was numb… and then a few girls started crying. I myself felt like crying! Still do, actually.

What the FUCK? Is this just some stupid joke? We asked Remus and Peter if this was some stupid dare or prank, but they genuinely knew nothing of it.

Hmph. Something smells funny about this entire situation. Am going to confront him about this. Hmph. The bastard… ruining my final breakfast at Hogwarts like that!

.

11am- Fucking James Potter. For someone who's engaged, he's extremely immature.

This is the TRUE story behind Sirius' confession-

James Potter, in a bid to avenge his injured penis, knocked Sirius out with some chloroform this morning (horrible, I know!). He then took one of the precious hairs from his head, put it in some polyjuice potion, and then performed that horrible act in front of the school.

I found this out because, upon storming into the boys' dorm to confront Sirius, I saw James (as Sirius) standing over the real, knocked out Sirius. After hexing James for 10 mins, he finally fessed up and his disguise faded away. Then I took poor Sirius to hospital and that's where I am now, waiting for him to wake up. Everyone else thinks it's all just a joke so they're off 'enjoying the sun by the lake'. Bitches.

I will be a good friend, though.

.

12 noon- Sirius is alive and well now. He laughed when I told him what happened. I thought he'd be angrier, but he said it was very funny and kind of clever. He asked if he could snog me at the Valedictory Ball just to prove everyone that he's, in fact, straight again. I told him I'd think about it (he he he! A snog from Sirius at the Ball would be the PERFECT way to end my days at Hogwarts!)

Anyway, all that talk of the Valedictory Ball reminded me I don't have a dress, so am going to dash to Hogsmeade with Sirius now to find one. Don't want to take to long because I want to go have fun with the others.

.

1pm- Quickest shopping trip EVER! Am v proud of myself. We ran to Hogsmeade, and pretty much the first dress I picked up was perfect! It was a new arrival. I tried it on, and it was great. I love it. But I wouldn't let Sirius see me in it as I want it to be a surprise!

It's quite unusual, actually. The colour's hard to describe. It's kind of a peacock blue, I guess? It's not navy, but not light either. Anyway, let's call it 'peacock blue', even though I'm not entirely sure what peacock blue is. It is silk, and very tight around my bust (my tits look GREAT in it!), but is very form-lined from the waist down, which is good as it magically seems to slim me down.

It's also got a sheer sort of material on top (I think it's chiffon?) that makes the halterneck (making the amazing boobs still amazing, but less sluttily so). The chiffon also comes over the rest to give me a very nice summery airy-floaty look. I really like it. Maybe I can wear it to Shirley and Dad's wedding? Oh fuck. I'd forgotten about that disaster…

Anyway. The dress itself was really expensive. I've never spent so much on anything before in my life. So I kind of have… no money at all now. Well, I've 2 galleons which isn't very much to get by with.

TWO BLOODY GALLEONS to my name!

But I figure it's a beautiful dress that is timeless and I can wear again and again and… well, fuck it! It's my Valedictory Ball dress!

Okay. Am going to go down to the lake with the others, and discuss my hair and makeup with Lily and Mary. Aww I'm so sad to leave now! Musn't think about it…

.

5pm- We're getting ready now! Mary and Lily are amazed by the dress and are jealous. Okay. We have decided on very simple-ish makeup that will bring out my blue eyes, but not look cakey. I'm going to do my hair in a loose, low bun sort of thing. Mary has a picture and is doing my hair for me. She, unlike Lily, is an expert on styling. I trust her implicitly.

.

5.20pm- Hair is beautiful! I look like Grace Kelly + a thousand pounds. Haha. Anyway. I am working on my speech, diction and posture now, before I do my makeup in an hour. We are only having one glass of champagne while we get ready.

.

5.30pm- Or two…

.

6pm- Must not drink any more before makeup. Must not. But… it's very nice champagne! It's French champagne. Lily said her parents sent it to her in congratulations. It's some muggle champagne called Veuve Clicquot. I love it. It's very nice. Mmmmm… might have one more glass. Just one…

.

6.20pm- Oookay. My makeup is a bit of a disaster. Where's Mary? Oh bugger, she's down in the common room. Wonder if I can just sneak down there and get her to come help me, without anyone looking…

.

6.40pm- Everyone saw me face and laughed, but Mary is helping me nonetheless. Love Mary.

.

6.50pm- Okay! Time to go! I'm so excited!

.

4am- We are staying up all night, so am quickly writing a few points re: tonight while I still remember them-

Firstly, I got two awards! Go me! I totally didn't expect it! I got the prize for Divination (which is v. good, but also expected given all the kafuffle about my seer-ness). I also, strangely enough, got the prize for History of Magic. With Mary. Lily was furious, as she thought this was her best subject after Charms. We have no idea how we managed to get this prize. Perhaps Professor Binns confused us with someone else? Who knows!

Anyway. So they were v. good. Honestly, I never expected to get _any _prizes so the fact I got 2 certainly exceeded my own personal expectations. Am going to have another glass of champagne to congratulate myself. Excuse me…

.

4.10am- Okay. Mary and Lily are taking _forever_ to get changed. They keep swapping outfits. Honestly, we're all drunk- no one is going to be looking at their outfit tonight. Also, they have fiancées/boyfriends, so I don't see why they think it matters so much. If anyone should be fussy about their appearance, it should be me.

OH MY GOODNESS! MY DRESS! IT RUINED!

So when I made my proper entrance, everyone was very impressed with the dress. Sirius said it was an excellent dress and said I looked (and I quote) 'stunning and gorgeous' in it. Har har

Anyway. He offered me his arm to walk to the Ball which was very funny because I kept giggling at how formal everyone was behaving. But it made sense for us to go in together as everyone else had a partner. Mary kept glaring at me for giggling, and hissed that I remember 'What Grace would do'.

Sirius overheard this, and questioned me on what she meant. When I explained it, he too started laughing. Unfortunately, he was less balanced when laughing so- just as we were about to make our entrance to the Great Hall- I lost my balance and slipped. It was horrible and embarrassing.

But what was _worse_ was that I had split my bloody dress in my fall.

Note to self: Go on a HUGE cleansing diet as soon as I get home. I can't believe I'm so fat that I split my bloody dress!

I started crying at this point, and Sirius was very lovely and quickly took me aside (to a broom cupboard haha) and fixed up my dress instantly. I was surprised he knew the right charms, but he explained that, living alone, he has to ment his own clothes. He then get out his handkerchief and fixed up my makeup, which had ruined a little from my crying. And then kissed me on the cheek and told me to cheer up and that we were going to have a wonderful time. I then told him I'd snog him in front of everyone if he liked- to repay the favour, so to speak. HE laughed and said that wouldn't be necessary… which kind of upset me again, but thankfully I didn't start bawling because that would have been extremely poor form.

Anyway, so the rest of the night was spent having dinner, drinking, getting awards, and then dancing. Sirius danced with me for a bit, and then we did this whole partner swap thing. We all laughed when Lily danced with Sirius because they seemed to be as far apart from each other as they could be. But then, after the music stopped, Sirius said something to Lily and then she said something back and then they did something quite unbelievable- they hugged!

So we're guessing that they've probably sorted out their differences, which is nice. I think it would be bad if they didn't end up friends because, really, they're not that different.

Then, something very bad happened. Snape went and asked Lily for a dance and James looked furious, as did Sirius (but he was too busy trying to calm James down). Lily hesitated, but then accepted. It was kind of sad to watch them.

Lily told us about how she and Snape grew up together, and how they used to be best friends. Thinking about it, I'm pretty sure that's why she wasn't friends with Mary and I earlier on- because she was always with Snape.

Anyway, but then he called her a mudblood one day, and she just couldn't forgive him after that. She says they've sorted things out now, but they'll never be best friends again, because she'll never forget what he said.

Mary and I think/ know Snape's in love with Lily. It's really obvious. I don't think James would hate Snape so much if he knew how to hide his love for Lily a bit better. The only person who seems to not realise Snape's in love with Lily is…well… Lily. But maybe she knows, and just chooses to ignore it. Hmm

Anyway, it's sad about those two. I would hate to think that saying one terrible thing in the heat of an argument could ruin a friendship forever.

But, then again, I don't think I would ever, EVER, call anybody a mudblood. It's just such a low (and irrelevant) thing to say. I can't say I've ever been active in rebelling against blood-purists, but I don't agree with it. It's not nice and, frankly, I just don't care. I don't care what anyone is, or where they're from. All I care about is how a person treats me, and others. If they're good, I'll like them and be friends with them. If not, then… I'll dislike them.

Sirius is much more opinionated on the whole 'blood' issue, but I think that's because his family are hardcore purists. I suppose you can't get more hardcore than 'Toujurs Pur'. Mmm. It's interesting. My parents sort of come from that lot, but they're not really fussed by it. I've never heard either of them use the term 'mudblood' before. We've never really talked about it… but dad always told me that it's the person who counts, not where they've come from.

That's reassuring to know, because I come from a broken and disastrous home.

Mmm. It's interesting. I've never really thought about why my family isn't more like Sirius'. I guess it's because dad has an actual job that employs muggle-borns, and mum…well, she's always been too self-centred to care about any cause (whether it be blood purity, or helping out muggle-borns).

Look at me! Becoming all philosophical. Ha ha. Okay, those girls are ridiculous. Am going to choose their outfits for them, and they can like it or lump it. We shouldn't be wasting our final hours deciding on outfits!

* * *

**July 1**

7.30am- Aghhh I hate packing. Should've packed yesterday, but I was in too much denial. Am going to hide under my covers for a bit…

.

7.40am- Argh! Lily pulled them away and told me to hurry with packing. I will… in a minute.

.

7.41am- Okay, in 2 minutes. I want to write about the rest of last night. Was very sad, but lovely. We traipsed about the school playing silly games like tag and hide and seek and was so much fun. It's funny how we kind of became kids again on our final night there.

And then, we sat on the top of the hill overlooking the great lake and watched the sunrise while passing a bottle of firewhiskey between us to keep warm. Sirius was nice and gave me his jacket. Then we made promises to be best friends forever and that we were to never, ever have a fight or break up the group…. And that if any of us were having an argument, we were to be brought to the court of the rest of the group, who would order us to sort our shit out.

I started crying at this, and Sirius hugged me and we said to each other that we loved each other, and that we love school and that it will always remain our true home.

We then went to the forbidden forest and etched our names on trees. I chose the tree I was once caught hugging, during my 'hippies' phase, and wrote my name on it. Then we wrote each other messages on each other's trees. When I checked mine, Sirius wrote 'Sirius loves Anna.' On it, and I cried and hugged him. James wrote 'Anna is the awesomest ever and will forever be his number one drinking partner,' Remus wrote 'Anna is a wonderful and gorgeous sex goddess,' Lily wrote 'Anna is Lily's co-best friend and she will always love her,' and Mary wrote 'Anna is Mary's soul-mate and nothing will ever separate us.'

It was very nice and sad. But nice. I'm sad again now. I don't want to pack! Maybe I can chain myself to the bed?

.

7.50pm- Hmph. Lily and Mary are packing for me. I guess I had better help out…

.

8am- I can't believe it. I'm never going to be a student at Hogwarts. Ever again. This is my final entry here! Oh my sweet Circe! Oh fuck… I'm going to start crying…

I'm going to miss this place so much! Hogwarts, I love you!

.

11am- I can't believe this is my final train ride home. Maybe I'll become a teacher so I can come back to Hogwarts? Hmmm…

Agh. I'm so tired. Sirius has already fallen asleep on my shoulder. I think I'll do the same…

But I can't believe it's our final time on the Hogwarts Express as a group. Not that we were ever a 'group' on it before, come to think of it…

Okay. Sirius told me off for writing as apparently my shoulder keeps jiggling which makes it hard for him to sleep. Am going to sleep now… for a bit.

.

5pm- Hmph. I do not like this. I do not like this at all. I want to run away back to Hogwarts.

Am currently lying on the 'guest bed' in my own bloody house. That's right. Shirley has changed everything. She's turned my bedroom into a 'crafts' room (what the fuck?) and absolutely everything is different. She's changed all the furniture and repainted the house in the stupidest shades.

It's weird. I kind of miss mum, now. In any case, mum had _much _better taste than Shirley does. Who the hell paints a room a dark aubergine colour? It's totally closed up the living room, making it seem really small.

Why can't mum and dad just get over themselves and marry each other again? Forgive and forget, right? I'll forgive her!

.

7pm- Hmph. Shirley is not so nice after all, I don't think. She seems to be totally controlling dad. She won't let him smoke or drink at all (which, yes, is a good thing… but the way she does it is very patronising), she picks out his outfits, she's put him on a special diet for the wedding….

Speaking of- it's SHIRLEY who won't change the date. Not dad. Dad thinks it's all a bit silly and he doesn't mind doing it on a different date. I couldn't get any more out of him, though, because Shirley had returned with our plates of the tiniest portion of grilled meat, accompanied by a small serving of bland steamed vegetables, I've ever seen.

Hmm. I wonder what Sirius is doing? I think I'll just send him an owl… maybe we can go get some actual dinner? I miss the goose fat potatoes we used to have at Hogwarts.

.

7.30pm- Hmph. Sirius is having dinner with the Potters, but said that he'll go out with me after if I like. I'm not sure now. I think I shouldn't bother him while he's got 'James' time. Especially now that James is about to get married…

Hmph. Will just go out by myself.

.

9pm- I think I'm going to cry. Like… actually. Shirley forced me to stay in and discuss the wedding. Why does she think I care about her wedding?

After all, dad seems to have no input whatsoever, so it sure as hell isn't his wedding. She also wants me to tell her that I'll be attending her wedding, and not my mothers. I told her that I would make no such promise.

Why is Shirley assuming that I'll take her side over mum's? She's _no one_ to me!

Maybe I can boycott the wedding somehow? Then again, I'm not sure I want to make Shirley angry…

I can't believe this… I'm actually excited to go and visit mum, tomorrow. I think I'll give her a big hug when I see her.

.

9.30pm- Sirius just sent me an owl saying he'll be round here by 10. Yay! Love him! He is my knight in shining armour! Or, my knight with shiny hair, in any case.

Love, love, love him!

Am just going to go tell dad. If Shirley thinks she's going to stop me, she has another thing coming.

.

9.50pm- Oh my FUCKING HELL. Shirley is SUCH a bitch! Why did I never see this until now?

So I told dad, and he was all 'that's nice, tell Sirius I say hi etc.'

Then, Shirley 'The Hag' came in and said in her falsely saccharine tone-

'Oh Anna, are you going out now?'

'Yes, I am,' I said mulishly.

'Oh dear… oh dear…'

At which point she turned to dad, and said-

'Honey, what about the alarm system?'

'What about it?' I snapped.

Shirley ignored me.

'If Anna's to come home late, then she'll set it off.'

'Oh well, maybe we won't turn it on tonight,' shrugged my dad (he's not gone yet!)

Shirley gasped.

'Not turn it on! Honey, I've got some _priceless_ works of art hanging around this house. We can't not turn it on!'

I rolled my eyes and could see that my dad was getting uncomfortable now.

'I'll stay up until Anna gets back.'

Shirley shook her head.

'Absolutely not! You need your rest!'

'I don't mind…'

At which point, Shirley turned to look at me.

'Anna, dear, you just _saw_ your friends earlier today. Don't you think you're being a little selfish in keeping your father awake simply to see them again? Can't you see them tomorrow- during the day?'

'I don't understand,' I snapped. 'Why can't I turn the alarm on when I get home?'

Shirley shook her head.

'I'm afraid only your father and I can know the code. I'm sure you can understand that.'

I glared at her now.

'Right,' I seethed. 'I'll just go stay with mum tonight, then. I'm staying with her tomorrow night anyway, so what's an extra night? I'm sure _she _won't mind.'

And then I saw the hurt on my dad's face and my heart broke.

'Fine,' I sighed. 'I'll just tell him to go home when he arrives here.'

'Oh, he can come in and leave your room as he pleases. We don't have any alarm sensors in your room.' (THE BITCH!)

I crossed my arms, highly pissed off.

'Then why can't I leave via my room, and come back later in the night via the window?'

Shirley shrugged.

'I didn't think of that. I suppose that sorts things. Now, darling, let's go to bed.'

My dad muttered 'sorry' when he kissed me goodnight. Then, I stormed up to the guest room. A few minutes later, Shirley came in.

'Anna, I'm just letting you know that you can't leave your room any more this evening, or else you'll set off the alarm.'

'Whatever.'

'Goodnight, Anna,' she said, going up to me and giving me a weak, insincere hug, before leaving.

Seriously. Want. To. Kill. Her.

I can see the headlines-

'Girl Murders Step-Mother To Be'

OR

'Cinderella Gets Her Revenge'

I rather like the last one. Sirius can be my Prince Charming. He looks like him too! Haha… Hmmm. Are all step-mothers evil? Julio had better not be anything like Shirley? Though, knowing mother, he won't be. She enjoys being the bossy one too much. As she is my mother, she gets away with it.

Shirley, being of no relation to me whatsoever, however, does not. Can't wait to bitch about this to mum tomorrow.

Ahhh I hear rocks at my window! My Prince Charming has come to save me!

* * *

**I'm so sad! No more Hogwarts for Anna nd the others... and for me! Anna was my final character to finally graduate from Hogwarts. Aiii. This just brings back memories of my own graduation, which was quite some time ago…**

If you're reading this, and you're still in school, I have some advice for you-

You may thing college/uni is going to be the shiz and all, and I'll admit some aspects are pretty awesome, but school should be one of the best times of your life. Or maybe I just think that because I'm studying med which makes school seem like a picnic in comparison. Hmm.

But, really, most people I know (who aren't in med) say that, looking back, school was awesome and they shouldn't have taken it for granted. So enjoy it while you can!

**Oookay… a quote from the next chapter:**

'_I held my breath in anticipation as Mary and I held hands and entered what was to be our new home. As soon as we entered, we turned to each other and said 'Two words…Housewarming Party'. This is going to be fun!'_

AND

'_At this point, I became scared for Sirius' life. While my dad likes Sirius, he certainly doesn't like finding him sleeping in his daughter's bed'_

**Has something happened? Review, and you'll find out soon!**

**Lots of love,**

**Anya**


	24. Chapter 24: July 2 to 7

**July 2**

**Weight: 10st 4 (time for drastic measures, I think)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: Uncertain**

**Bed partners: 1**

**Hours spent staring at Sirius while he sleeps: 2 (v. good)**

**Hours spent hating Shirley: 10 (approx)**

**Love for mother: Increasing at an alarming rate**

**Father's love for me: Non-existent (understandable)**

**Hours spent feeling terrible and guilty: 8**

**Love for Sirius: Huge**

**Total Savings: 500 galleons (yay!)**

* * *

5am- I must be quiet, as Sirius is sleeping. He's even handsomer when he's asleep. Actually… maybe. I'm not sure. I like his eyes. They're a very pretty grey colour. Hmmm

Anyway. He's sleeping here because he got sad last night and said he didn't want to go home to his big, empty house. I suggested we sleep there, but he said he'd rather come here. I don't get it. His house sounds freaking amazing! Beats sharing this cramped barely-double bed.

Anyway, when he arrived I climbed out of the window and told him that, before any explaining was done, I had to get food because I was about to pass out from hunger. We went to a near-by diner and, as I sat there scarfing down a burger, chips and milkshake, I recounted my Shirley Situation (as I'm calling it now). Haha, if you think about it, she's the 'S.S'… trust me, it's like she belongs in the S.S. The bitch.

Anyway. Sirius was very good and listened very well with appropriate interjections of incredulity such as 'the bitch', or 'poor you!' etc. Was very good. After I was done ranting, I simply looked at him and said-

'So what do I do? This is a very bad situation, because she's making me really love my mother.'

Sirius laughed at this and said that, while my mother is ridiculous, she means well. He seems to think that Shirley is a bit more calculating about this entire thing and is manipulating my father in his broken-hearted state to completely take over.

He also believes that I am my father's one weakness and that, by being a bitch to me, she is trying to make sure that I visit him as little as possible in the future which will distance us, resulting in her being my father's number one woman.

Gahhh! Hate her even more.

But I think she's dumb. If she was nice to me, I wouldn't have bothered them anyway. I would have been nice to her and it would have all been… good. I don't know. Her changing the entire house was enough to piss me off. Even if she was nice, I still would've hated her for what she did to the house, I think.

And who does she think she is? Trying to usurp my father's love like that? Hmph.

But I love Sirius. His analysis of the situation was very good and clever. He said that I should visit Shirley as little as possible and see my dad at work, or arrange to have lunch with him (and only him) routinely. I think this is a good idea.

I just can't believe that I feel and am treated like a stranger in the house I've grown up in… by a woman who's only been living there for a month! It just infuriates me so much.

Anyway. Sirius said he'd walk me home. Out of politeness more than anything, I offered he come in and he surprisingly said yes. So we sat on my bed and ate the Bertie Bott's Beans I still had from the train trip. At one point, he mentioned that the room's colour was horrible and I was so happy he agreed with me on the topic that I hugged (hah). Then we talked about Sirius' dinner with the Potters, which led onto us just talking about random stuff.

At one point (I think it was around 1.30am) I yawned, and Sirius hesitated. I could tell he didn't want to go, but he said-

'I'd better leave you. You didn't get any sleep last night, so you're probably tired.'

It was then that I realised Sirius himself was quite sad.

'Are you okay? You look sad' (I know I was kind of to the point… but sometimes you have to be).

He shrugged.

'I don't really like the house. It's really big and… makes you realise you're really alone, without family or anything.'

I punched his shoulder.

'We're your family! Don't insult us.'

He gave me a look and I punched him again.

'Ow! Stop it!'

I grinned.

'You have a family- but you ran away. Just like I'm going to! Trust me, I'm very excited to leave what's become of my family.'

'Yeah, but you'll be with Mary.'

I felt bad at this, because I remembered turning down his offer to be his housemate.

'Well you're welcome to stay over at ours whenever you want.'

He smiled sadly, but said nothing. So then I did the only natural thing to do-

'Do you want to stay over tonight?'

He hesitated. Again, I could tell he really wanted to. So, without waiting for his response, I went and got another pillow from the cupboard.

'Here,' I said handing it to him. 'Stay. I could do with the company. Also, you have to be on the alert in case Shirley comes in to murder me in my sleep.'

He laughed at this and lay down beside me.

'Thanks.'

'No problem. Thanks for listening to my bitching. I'm sure you and James had much more entertaining things planned this evening.'

Sirius snorted.

'No, he just kept talking about the wedding with his mum. It was excessively boring. Couldn't wait to leave- really, your owl was a godsend.'

We didn't really talk about anything important after this and, soon enough, we were both asleep. I'm currently awake at this ridiculous hour because Sirius likes to take up a lot of the bed and, let's face it, it's a very cramped bed as is. The bastard pushed me off the bed, waking me up. He himself, has continued to sleep- blissfully unaware, and quite unashamed of the disturbance he's caused to my own sleep.

Ahhh! He just rolled over. Am going to get back in bed while I still can. Goodnight!

.

12 noon- Gah. I can't believe it. I fucked up.

Sirius and I slept for _ages_. When I woke up, I saw it was 10 am and that Shirley was standing at the door, staring at us in shock.

'Oh… I didn't realise you and Sirius were…'

'Fuck,' Sirius groaned. 'Jones, shut up and go back to sleep…'

At which point, he (in his idiotic sleep state) rolled over and spooned me. I turned bright red as I stared at The Bitch.

'It's not what it looks like,' I squeaked, trying to push Sirius off me.

'Anna! You shouldn't be sleeping all day… WHO IS THAT!'

My dad's face turned an ugly shade of purple as he stared at Sirius' sleeping form. At this point, I became quite scared for Sirius' life. While my dad likes Sirius, he certainly doesn't like finding him sleeping in his daughter's bed… (though, quietly, I'm glad to know he still cares _a little bit_ about me).

Finally, Sirius himself properly woke up. His face fell as he saw my dad.

'Oh shit…'

'Shit indeed,' bellowed my dad. 'What are you doing with Anna?'

I sprung out of bed and thanked God that Sirius had slept in his clothes.

'Look, dad, we came home late and I just said Sirius should stay here. Seeing as you've _gotten rid_ of my usual king size bed' (at which point I glared at Shirley The Bitch) 'we were a bit cramped, as you can see.'

'Is this what I payed your school fees for? For you to go hopping into bed with other boys?'

'Dad!' I screamed, getting quite annoyed with Shirley for remaining there and not giving us the privacy we needed. 'It was totally innocent, okay! Sirius and I aren't together at all. We're just friends, I swear.'

'It's true,' Sirius added.

'Veritaserum the both of us,' I said. 'You'll find that we're just friends'

My dad shifted as he watched the both of us, his expression still stern.

'I don't think you should move in with that Mary,' he said suddenly.

'WHAT!'

We all turned to look at Shirley, who blushed at her outburst.

'I just… I think Anna's an adult now and can make her own decisions.'

'Oh no she can't,' growled dad. 'No if I can help it.'

Unfortunately, I had to agree with Shirley (even though I know her intentions weren't good).

'Look, dad, Shirley's right. 'I'm an adult and if I'm going to sleep with someone, I'll do it for the right reasons. The point is, though, Sirius and I are in no way shagging each other, and I think it's quite unlikely we ever will. We really are just very good friends. Okay?'

My dad shifted his weight again, and then pointed a threatening finger at Sirius.

'You're not to stay over here ever again.'

'Yes,' I snapped. 'Well that's not going to be a problem, is it, seeing as I'm moving out today.'

And then I thought of something extra, which is where I possibly went too far…

'And I don't know how you expect me to remain at home when you've done everything you can to get me to move out. The spare bedroom? Really?'

My dad's mouth fell open.

'Anna…' Sirius whispered.

But I was on a roll now.

'You couldn't even wait for me to move out properly, could you? And what the fuck have you done with all my stuff? My paintings that I had around the room? Oh, _Shirley_ decided that they weren't to her crappy taste, so you let her throw them out?'

'Anna!' Sirius said, much louder this time.

'Shut up,' I snapped at him. 'Even _mum_ let me hang my paintings about the house. But no… we'll just do whatever _Shirley_ wants. Paint the rooms a ridiculous aubergine colour- sure! Control every minute aspect of your life- absolutely! Tell me that I should go to _her_ wedding instead of my mothers- absolutely! What the fuck, dad! And then you think you can keep ordering me around like I'm still your baby daughter?'

I went to say more, but Sirius clamped his hand over my mouth at this point and told me I'd said enough and everyone had gotten the point.

I glared at him, but then Shirley ran from the room, stifling a sob. My dad simply looked at me, and I'd never seen him look so disappointed or angry at me.

'If that's how you feel, then I think you had better pack your things and go to your mothers. If you want your paintings, they're in our bedroom. Shirley insisted we keep them in our room.'

He then left the room, shutting the door behind him.

'Fuck,' I groaned, putting my head in my hands. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck…'

Sirius simply started packing my things.

'I can't leave!' I exclaimed. 'I have to sort things…'

'Trust me, you've sorted enough for now, Anna,' he said grimly. 'Just go to your mum's. They need some time to cool things off, and then you need to go apologise.'

'Apologise!'

Sirius looked up at me, and I could tell this was one of those times when he was going to be brutally honest.

'Anna, your dad loves you. He does. Yes, Shirley may have pissed you off and stepped on your toes with a few things, but what you did just now was on another level. I'm sorry, I have to be honest here. Your dad was showing he still cared for you, and yet you threw it all back in his face. You sat there comparing Shirley to your mum… but your mum left your dad, Anna. Its time you grew up and realised that this isn't about you. Your mum never cheated on your dad to hurt you, and he's not marrying Shirley to shut you out of his life. They both love you in their own way, and you should really cherish that. Yeah, all parents make mistakes at times… but yours love you. Don't throw that away because you're not entirely happy with how things are turning out.'

I looked down at my hands, completely ashamed. It sounded a million times worse coming from Sirius. He sighed and sat next to me on the bed, and put his arm around me.

'Don't be sad. I know why you did it. But it doesn't make it right. I still love you, as does your dad. You made a mistake. We all do. You'll sort this out. I know you will. You just need to give them some time. Okay?'

I nodded miserably and he kissed my cheek and stood up.

'Want me to drop you off at your mum's?'

I nodded again, and I stood up and made the bed. Before we apparated away, I left a note on the bed saying 'I'm really sorry'. I don't know if it'll mean anything to them, but I actually really meant it.

I feel so bad about what I did.

Anyway. I'm now in the bedroom of mum's new place with Julio. Sirius left me at the door and said he had to go to work, but would send an owl to check on how I'm doing. Fuck, I feel so bad now. Gahh.

Okay. I'll try not worrying about it for now, because I guess I can't take it back.

On mum's new place… if I got along better with her, I'd want to live here. It's positively palatial! My room's massive and I've got the most amazing four-poster bed with these gorgeous Egyptian cotton sheets that are sooo soft!

It's nice to know that mum still has good taste. Oh, and my room has an en-suite and there's a massive tub! I think I might go soak all the negativity away… and come out a new person, who will only say nice things and do nice things. I really have to fix things with dad… and Shirley.

Hmm. How?

Maybe a bath will give me some clarity of mind.

.

10pm- Huh. Mum is really quite different. She had the evening catered for (a bit extravagant if you ask me, but the food was A-MAZING!). Apparently she had no idea dad's wedding is at the same time (and I can tell she's telling the truth because she was quite honestly shocked- my mother's a terrible liar).

And then she simply shrugged and said-

'Oh, so I suppose you'll be going to your father's wedding?'

I was kind of surprised that she thought the choice was so obvious.

'N…no,' I said hesitantly. 'I don't think I will.'

She looked at me suspiciously.

'You won't? Why?'

'I kind of had a falling out with Shirley,' I mumbled.

'Oh… that's unfortunate. Well, I'll be having my dress fitting soon, so I'll send you out a note when it's scheduled. I'm having an engagement party this Sunday, so it would be nice if you attended.'

I nodded, and she peered at me.

'What's wrong, Anna?' she snapped.

'What do you mean?'

'You're agreeing with me. This is most unusual.'

I couldn't help laughing a little at this.

'Am I that horrible a child?' I said miserably.

'Oh dear… is Shirley that bad? Well come on! I don't like this new defeatist mopey attitude of yours. You usually make parenting much harder than this!'

She actually smiled at me at this point, and I looked at her suspiciously.

'You're smiling at me.'

'You look like you need it… now, how about we have some tea in the living room?'

Julio went off to his study. He's actually alright. Well, I haven't spoken to him much, but that's pretty much how I like it. He's not trying to take over my life or get involved… he's just there, and nice to me.

WHY CAN'T SHIRLEY DO THE SAME?

Anyway, we went to the living room and Kopi, the house elf, brought us tea and coffee. Mum prattled about wedding stuff for a while and I just sat and pretended to listen.

'Now,' she said, refilling my tea cup. 'I want to discuss your future.'

I frowned.

'My future? Well, I'm moving in with Mary…'

'Yes, you said. I approve of the apartment. It's nice and spacious in a good area for two young girls.'

'You've seen it?' I said, in disbelief.

'Well of course I have! My daughter's going to be living there.'

At this, I think I loved her quite a lot more. Maybe I, as Sirius said, made her out to be worse than she really was.

'Right, now you said it would be 100 galleons a month? Yes, that's a very good price for what it is. And how are you expecting to pay for it?'

I shrugged.

'Get a job, I s'pose.'

Mother laughed.

'Oh yes, darling, but you'll have other expenses too. And what about university?'

'I applied to a psychology course.'

She didn't like that quite so much.

'Psychology? Really? I think it's all a lot of codswallop.'

She saw my face, though, and I think she realised I wasn't in the mood for that sort of discussion.

'Oh okay, very well. If it gets you a job as a counsellor I suppose that's not too bad. I hear it pays decently and it's a good job if you want a family and kids. Very well… and how are you planning on paying for your course?'

This was actually something I hadn't considered yet.

'I guess I could get a student loan,' I shrugged, not really wanting to think about it before even getting accepted into the course.

'Nonesense! And you'll be paying off your tuition for the first ten years of your working life! What if you want to have a family and kids? How will you support them?'

I rolled my eyes.

'Marry a rich man like you did?'

She shook her head seriously.

'Oh no. You won't be dependent on a man.'

'But you were!'

She snorted.

'My biggest mistake. Anyway, I managed to get a fair amount in the divorce with your father, and it doesn't seem likely he'll be supporting you now he has his new bride to shower with gifts so, yet again, I suppose things will be left to me to sort out.'

Yet again? She hasn't exactly sorted anything out for me in the past.

'Anyway,' she continued. 'How about I give you 500 galleons now to get you going? You'll have living expenses and I imagine that will get you going until you get a job. Once you're accepted into a university, I'll sort out your tuition fees and we'll discuss whether you need any extra help regarding rent.'

Seriously, could NOT believe how generous she was being. Oh well, it's comforting to know that even mother is quite supportive. I kind of feel bad for being so horrible about her before, now.

'Now, promise me you'll do one thing with these 500 galleons,' she said, handing me the golden cheque. 'Go have a complete grooming session at my salon. They'll do your hair, your colours, your waxing and your nails for 50 galleons. I think I've got a card here… oh yes, here you go. Please do it soon, Anna. I can't have my daughter walking around with split ends and ragged cuticles.'

….. aaaaand she was suddenly back again. Oh well, I don't mind having a pampering session. In fact, I think I'll treat Mary to one too- as a kind of thank you for having the first two months of rent free. I really should get her something anyway for that, and this seems like a good present.

.

10.30pm- Mary just sent a letter. She's coming back to London tomorrow evening, and asked if I could stay here for another night (and she stay with me), and if could stay with me at mum's tomorrow night , before moving in on Thursday.

Oh my goodness! We're moving in on Thursday! This is so exciting! And, if mother approves of the place, it must be lovely!

.

11pm- Huh. Just asked mum and she said 'of course, darling. Like you even have to ask. You can stay here wherever you want.'

She also informed me that she had wired 200 galleons to Mary's parents for my share of the first two months of rent because she 'didn't feel right' about their paying for me for the first two months.

I'm not complaining! I sooooo feel much better about the whole thing. I don't really like owing people things.

So yay! I'm 500 galleons richer. I guess it's a very positive outcome to a day that started quite… badly. Oh fuck, I just reminded myself. Gahh.

* * *

**July 3**

**Weight: 10st 5 (mum's chef doesn't cook low-fat)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2000 (better)**

**Drinks: 3**

**Bed partners: 0 (unfortunate)**

**Apologies to Shirley: 1 (very difficult, but v. good of me)**

**Father's love for me: Still non-existent **

**Total Savings: 490 galleons (socialising isn't free)**

**.**

10am- I'm so excited! Mary's coming over today!

.

10.30am- Hmm, I wonder where Lily is? Should I invite her?

.

11am- Invited her, but she's off holidaying in Germany with her parents. She could've said something about going away! Apparently she's coming back on Friday.

.

12 noon- I wonder how long I'm supposed to wait before apologising to dad and… ugh… Shirley.

.

12.30pm- Hmm. I wonder if Sirius thinks I'm a spoiled brat? Hmm. Should I write to him? I'll just say sorry for dragging him into that yesterday and thanks for helping me out. Hmm.

.

1pm- Sirius replied asking if I want to go out for coffee. Uhhh… let me think about that… YES!

.

5pm- Sirius looked v tired. Apparently he worked all night last night, and had to go back to work very early this morning for the breakfast shift. I told him he should've gone home to sleep instead of seeing me, but he said he'd rather stay awake anyway and not screw up his body clock. Apparently he's going to be working a lot over the summer… I guess that's something I should start doing…

I'll wait till Mary and I move in first, though.

Anyway. Told him about mum's generosity and he told me that he thinks mum is not an overly 'motherly' woman as she is a bit shallow when it comes to emotions, but he also said that he think she still cares about me and that he is unsurprised that she is doing all this for me.

Well, I'm still very surprised… but anyway.

I asked him what he thought about my apologising to dad sometime soon. Sirius thinks that I should go visit him at work early next week and apologise to him first- and then arrange a time to apologise to him and Shirley together.

I think that's good advice and I plan on going in to his work on Monday lunchtime.

Anyway, Sirius was really tired so he didn't have much more to say. So we had more coffee, went for a walk through Diagon Alley, and then we parted ways.

So now I'm waiting here, at The Leaky Cauldron, having a drink while I wait for Mary to get her arse here already so the fun can begin!

.

5.30pm- Aghhhh. Well there goes the plan of apologising to dad first. Shirley just walked into the Leaky Cauldron. As we had spotted each other, it was too late to ignore the fact we were both there, so I went up to her and asked if she had a minute to talk. Reluctantly (I think) she sat down.

She glanced at my wine glass and I said-

'Would you like one?'

'Isn't it a bit early to start drinking, Anna?' she said stiffly. (As if she needed to irritate me further!)

'Oh no, mum starts as soon as the clock strikes midday,' I said airily. 'Look, I want to apologise for my behaviour yesterday. I was totally out of line and you didn't deserve that. I just… well, this divorce hasn't been easy on me. I've grown up with mum and dad together, and then for them to suddenly be divorced- and now in the process of getting remarried- all before I've had a proper chance to deal with it- has been….'

I trailed off and sighed.

'The bottom line is that I was really rude to you yesterday, and said a lot of things that I really shouldn't have. It was out of line and, actually, pretty out of character. I'm not that sort of person and, if you give me a chance, I'll try proving that too you. Really, I'm glad that dad's found someone- you- to be with. He deserves to be happy and if he loves you then... I'll learn to love you as a step-mother too. So… I'm sorry.'

I looked to Shirley and she smiled her saccharine smile.

'Oh Anna… I'm so touched. I was very sad about our tiff yesterday, but don't worry about it. It's all in the past! Now why don't you come round for lunch tomorrow and apologise to your father? He was really very upset.'

'Won't he be at work?' I said, frowning.

Shirley shook her head.

'Oh no, he comes home for his lunch. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to run- but I'll see you tomorrow!'

So now, amidst moving in, I have to go to a horrific lunch with Shirley and Dad tomorrow. I wish Sirius could go for me… gah.

On a different note… where the fuck is Mary? Ah! I see her!

.

11pm- Mary is writing to her parents now, so I'll write the rest out. Mary, the bitch, thinks Julio is 'hot' and approves of his stoic silence.

Mum put on quite a spread which was just as well as I was starving (apologising is exhausting), as was Mary. We then spent the rest of the evening drinking champagne in the hot tub, while I told Mary all about my lovely mum, and about how annoying Shirley has been.

Mary said that she doesn't blame me for snapping at Shirley and that she would have done the same if such a woman ever tried to usurp her family home. Love Mary haha.

Anyway. We're going to write our plan for tomorrow out after she finishes her letters. I'll write it down here as we plan it…

.

11.20pm- Okay! This is our proposed timetable:

9am- Wakeup, groom selves

9.30am- Have breakfast

10am- Leave mum's, apparate to apartment in a series of goes, with all our luggage

10.30am- Take in the apartment, have a drink/morning tea

11.00am- Plan where we're going to put stuff, sort out bedrooms etc

12 midday- I go to horrific dad/Shirley lunch, Mary goes to lunch with Remus

2pm- Come back, have a rest, discuss lunch debacles

2.30pm- Move boxes to designated bedrooms, set up beds

3.30pm- Afternoon tea

4.00pm- Clean the entire apartment

6.00pm- Go get dinner (takeaway), eat

7.00pm- Plan cleaning roster, duties, cooking schedule, expenses etc

9.00pm- Make a comprehensive list of things needed to purchase- i.e. furniture, crockery, groceries

11pm- Have a drink, have a shower, go to bed.

.

Okay! Sounds like a big day! We're going to bed now to make sure we're well rested for tomorrow! Eek! So exciting!

* * *

**July 4**

**Weight: Unsure**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: Too many**

**Apologies to father: 1**

**Apologies accepted: 1 (v. good)**

**Relationship with father: Stable**

**Tasks completed: 4 (v. bad)**

**Apartment: Awesome!**

**Drinks: Oh… hundreds!**

* * *

9am- Ahhh! So excited! We're moving in today! Okay, am going to get ready for breakfast. We're going to have a huge breakfast to have lots of energy for our big day of moving in!

.

11am- Ohmigosh it's amazing! As soon as we came in, Mary and I looked at each other and said the same thing- housewarming party! Hehe

We're going to move our boxes to our rooms and then clean the apartment as quickly as we can so that we can have a housewarming party tonight. Everyone is free and going to bring some alcohol too! Yay!

On the place- it's very nice. Nice white walls, and the interior feels very 'fresh'. The floors are polished wood, which is lovely. There is no furniture, and we've had to transfigure our personal pillows into makeshift beds for the time being, but we will survive. My room is very nice and both Mary and I have views of the city which is nice too. It's a little noisy outside, but I'm sure we could always put silencing charms should it get too loud.

This is so exciting! Okay- going to go clean the bathroom now. Hmm… I've never cleaned a bathroom before. I wonder if we could just borrow mum's house elf?

.

11.10am- Mary thinks this is an excellent idea.

.

11.20am- Mum says she'll lend us Kopi for an hour, just this once. She says she's going to send me the 'bible' book on cleaning tomorrow as a housewarming gift. Hmm… oh well! At least we don't have to clean now! We're going to go to the supermarket for a few nibblies for tonight. Kopi's going to come at 2pm

.

11.21am- I wonder… if we're _really _nice to Kopi, maybe he'll come round once a week out of the goodness of his heart? Hmm…

.

12 noon- Gah. Off to lunch. Don't want to…

.

2pm- Okay. Lunch was very awkward and unpleasant, but dad seemed happy to see me from the moment he opened the door, so I guess that's good. Shirley was much nicer too and didn't try to 'mother' me at all which was also good, I suppose. On my way out, dad mentioned I should drop by for morning tea at his work next week. I guess that's the only time he has that's Shirley-free. Hmm.

.

2.30pm- Where's Mary?

.

3pm- Oh GOD. Just checked her room. She's shagging Remus. This has better not become a daily occurrence. We shall have to make a rule about her shagging her bf. It's okay for it to happen, but she can't lock herself up in her sex dungeon room all day, every day.

.

3.10pm- Am v. depressed. I want a boyfriend to shag me and 'christen' the room. Hmph. I think I'll just go open the packet of custard crèmes… it's time for afternoon tea, anyway.

.

3.30pm- Oooh! House is spotless! Kopi did an excellent job. I gave him some custard crèmes as a thank you and offered to pay him for his trouble. He wouldn't take either. What a nice elf. I like him.

.

4pm- I'm tired. I think I'll just have a little sleepy…

.

5pm- Hmph. Is Mary still shagging Remus? We have guests coming!

.

5.20pm- Turns out they'd fallen asleep. They're going to shower now… separately. That's another rule I need to be firm of. No baths or showers with a member of the opposite sex. My bathroom must be devoid of all sexual matter.

.

6pm- Remus is leaving to go get changed. Mary and I have decided to put food on floor and transfigure our makeup cotton buds into pillows so we have something to sit on!

We're ordering pizzas and beer. Sounds delicious! I'm sooo hungry, despite finishing packet of custard crèmes earlier today.

.

6.30pm- Okay. It's nothing wonderful, but we've got paper plates and plastic cups and… the rest will have to do. We bought scented candles at the supermarket too, for ambience. We think ambience is very important, and we want to have positive ambience in our apartment.

.

6.45pm- We just blew up some balloons and put them on the door so they'll know which apartment to come to. They're coming in 15 mins! Yay! So excited. I'm going to go change into something more floor-friendly. I don't really want to flash James in this skirt.

.

6.50pm- Okay, am wearing black jeans and a nice flowy white top. I think it looks very nice. Very clean… which is good. This house must be a positive and clean zone. Is very good I sorted things with dad, so as not to bring negative baggage with me to this new place….

Which reminds me-

NOTE TO SELF: BUY FENG SHUI BOOK BEFORE SORTING OUT FURNITURE (once we buy some, that is)

Oooh! That's the doorbell! Hello party!

.

7.30pm- Fuck. Have to change my top. Spilt pizza all down my front. I hope it doesn't stain. How does one wash a white shirt? Might just ask Sirius…

.

7.45pm- He cleaned it for me. Yay! House warming going v well so far. Everyone is drinking, eating and laughing which is a good and positive start. It is a house filled with love of bohemian Hogwartsian family, sans Lily who is in Germany. Mary & I made sure we said something before we ate. This was our little speech:

Mary: Welcome everyone to our lovely little apartment.

Me: We thank Merlin, Circe, the ancient gods, God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha and whatever other deity exists for bringing our family here for our first feast in our new home

Mary: And we pray and hope that we will- together- create many positive and wonderful memories

Me: And that this home will be a safe and positive zone where all will feel loved, and welcome.

Everyone else (who stared at us as though we were a bunch of idiots): Amen.

I must rejoin the feasting. I'm wearing a black top now. It's more slimming, anyway…

.

1am- Blaeh wjppkw.

* * *

**June 5**

**Money: 50 galleons (v. v. bad)**

8am- Agh. So hungover. This is terrible. Oh my GOD house is a mess. Men are sleeping all over my floor… JAMES IS IN MY BED! OH GOD! LILY'S GOING TO KILL ME!

.

10am- Right. Have kicked everyone out. Mary was not too happy about rescinding her morning shag, but has come to realise we need to sort our shit out. Okay… where to start?

On last night- James and I got v drunk to the point that we were the only two still awake. We tried playing chess, but I think we must have passed out on my bed. Made everyone swear they would never tell Lily. Ha ha… I've slept with James and she hasn't. Kind of funny…

Agh. House is a mess... again! Wonder if we can have Kopi again?

.

11am- Hmph. We can't. Mother merely sent over the cleaning book. Okay, here goes nothing!

.

1pm- Hmm, this is very hard. Harder than we initially thought. We kind of just… uh… blew up the toilet. Okay, I'm going to ask Sirius if he can teach us a few house-keeping spells…

.

3pm- Sirius is a genius. He was so shocked when he saw the toilet! It's not our fault we read the spell wrong! Well... it kind of is, but we're not here to point fingers!

House is clean now. He says we owe him dinner- but only once we have furniture because he says his arse is still sore from sitting on our floor all night, and then sleeping on it.

Unfortunately, Sirius couldn't stay any longer because he had to go to work. Hmm, Mary and I should discuss getting jobs…

.

4pm- Okay, Mary and I are going to go find basic furniture etc. Here is our list:

2 beds (1 each)

A kitchen table (with chairs)

A couch

Croquery:

8 x plates, bowls

8 x glasses, wine glasses, mugs

Cutlery: 8 x knives, forks spoons

.

9pm- Oh my giddy aunt. I only have 50 galleons left. MUST get a job PRONTO.

On the plus side, we have pretty much bought all the furnishings we will ever need for the apartment. Here is what we ended up buying:

- 1 bed each (mine is lovely! The mattress is sooo soft!)

- 1 set spare sheets each (I have a lovely pair of Egyptian cotton ones from mum, but these other ones are just in case)

- 1 Kitchen table (that expands to fit entire Hogwartsian family)

- 1 teapot (essential part of any British home)

- 10 x glasses, wine glasses, martini glasses, champagne glasses, mugs, tea cups + saucers, plates (perhaps we went a little overboard on the drinking utensils?)

- 10 x knives, forks, spoons, chopsticks (v. pretty chopsticks!)

- 2 big serving plates

- 1 salad bowl

- 1 tablecloth

- 10 napkins + napkin rings

- 1 cocktail jug

- 1 cocktail mixer (v. important)

- An entire set of pots + pans (essential for cooking)

- 1 ice cube tray (love heart design! V. cute!)

- 1 set measuring cups (in the shape of babushka dolls!)

- 1 set of chef's knives

- 1 chopping board

- 1 rolling pin

- Set of serving spoons/soup ladle etc

- A big couch (big enough to sleep on, that folds out into a double bed- in case Hogwartsian family wants to stay over)

- A coffee table (v. cool! It moves to you if you put your hand out so that you can place your mug on the surface, and then it moves back to the centre of the living area!)

- 2 bedside tables (each)

- 2 bedside lamps each

- A huge wardrobe, with a built-in shoe area, that is charmed to be a massive walk-in wardrobe! (V. expensive but sooo worth it!)

- Several carpets (to make the room cosier. We got some really awesome ones!)

- Bath mats (essential for bathroom)

- 5 x Bath Towels

- 5 x Hand towels

- 1 hook for hand towels

- 1 hook to hold up toilet rolls

- 1 fridge

- 1 butter dish (it was cute!)

- 10 bottles shampoo + conditioner

- 2 bottles shower gel

- 5 bars scented soap (smells amazing!)

- 1 bottle hand crème, in lovely jar for the bathroom

- 1 bath robe each

- 1 very interesting lampshade for the bare hanging lamp in the living room. It cost 20 galleons, but we decided it would 'make' our living room. It is this interesting white glass sort of dome with circular patterns. Hard to describe… but looks awesome!

- Feng shui book (v . important!)

- Bottle of celebratory champagne (understandable)

And I think that's pretty much everything we bought! Most of it was dropped off at our place as soon as we arrived home. Some is arriving tomorrow. Off to set up our apartment!

.

11pm- We've given up for tonight. All we managed to do was put in wardrobes, beds and bedside tables. We kept arguing about everything re: what the feng shui book meant.

But at least all of my clothes and shoes are packed away/hanging in the amazing walk in wardrobe (yesssssss!) AND we can have proper showers with actual shampoo, as opposed to horrible cleansing shampoos that we get from 'scourgify' charm.

So now we're just lounging about on my bed, in our bath robes, drinking champagne. Oooh… our order of Witch Weekly just arrived! My first Witch Weekly in this house!

.

12 midnight- We really should start looking for jobs… tomorrow. We'll just keep drinking this champagne for tonight…

* * *

**July 6**

**Weight: Aghh! We forgot to buy scales!**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2000**

**Calories thrown up: Probably around 2000**

**Hangover: horrible**

**Resume: Not done**

**Jobs applied for: 0**

**Progress on apartment: None**

**Total Money: 45 galleons (situation getting quite serious)**

* * *

12 noon- Aghh. Have the worst hangover ever. Mary slept on my bed last night. We both just woke up. This is terrible. We can't even afford to waste money on hangover potions which, at 2 galleons a pop, are too expensive. Why is drinking so bloody expensive?

.

1.10pm- I think I just puked out the entire contents of my stomach. Ugghh. Okay, we're both going out in search of some serious hangover-curing food. Neither of us knows how to cook so, in retrospect, spending all that money on cooking utensils was useless.

.

3pm- Feel a bit better now. We picked up a 'Daily Jobs' paper in search of some jobs. They all require qualifications though. We think we may have to start applying for cafes, restaurants etc. I wonder how Sirius got his job?

.

3.10pm- In the 'Daily Jobs', they have a resume template. Okay. We are going to do this! We are!

.

3.20pm- We are both still tired. We decided we'll have a little siesta now, and then wake up refreshed, and write really awesome resumes.

.

8pm- Ugh. Just woke up. I feel really groggy and gross. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

.

8.10pm- Mary has found some left-over wine and is making Sangria. Good girl.

.

10pm- How did I get so poor, again? Boohoo.

* * *

**July 7**

**No figures. Too hungover. Hangovers have compiled to create the mother of all hangovers. Argggh.**

.

1pm- Fucking hell. Lily was bashing on our door for twenty minutes this morning until we both woke up (squinting like vampires) as we stumbled over boxes to get to the bloody front door. Lily clicked her tongue when she saw us.

'I knew this would happen!' she said, in her AB-prime. 'Look at the both of you! You look like the dried up hag mummies I saw on holiday!'

'Lily, please don't do this now,' Mary groaned, bashing her forehead against the wall.

Lily, evil dictator that she is, strutted right up to the curtains. We both screamed 'no' but she ignored us and threw back the curtains anyway, allowing for the murderous sunlight to come steaming into our apartment. We both screamed and wailed like burning vampires.

'It's 11am!' she snapped. 'You should be out getting jobs, or at least enjoying the sunshine!'

I clutched at Mary's arm.

'Why is she so mean?'

'I don't know,' said Mary in a small voice.

Lily sighed and thrust two beautiful hangover tonics at us.

'My house-warming present to you two,' she sighed. 'I somehow predicted you'd require them.'

We greedily downed the miracle potions and vowed that, as soon as we get jobs, we're going to invest in a massive box of hangover tonics.

'No!' Lily shouted. 'That's not the point! You shouldn't be getting drunk every night! You're living in your own place! You should be responsible!'

'We are,' I said. 'We went out and bought furniture!'

Lily looked around, unimpressed.

'Anna, it hasn't been set up! How hard is it to stick a couch in that corner, a coffee table in the middle, the plates, pots and pans in their draws…'

Mary shook her head importantly.

'Oh no. No, no. We can't do that. We have to consult the feng shui book first. This is going to take a while, but we must have perfect harmony in the house.'

Lily stared at us like we were retards.

'Feng Shui? Oh Lord. Okay, I'm not going to stay long as I'm expected for Sunday lunch at the Potters, but I just came to say hi, and here's your 'save the date' card. We're getting married on September 1.

'But that's when we leave for school,' I said, stupidly.

Then I realised I was never going to school again, and became depressed again.

'Okay. I expect your apartment to be in tip top order the next time I come over. No ifs or buts about it!'

We let Lily out, and both ran for my bed.

'She's getting married,' I said sadly. 'Like… actually.'

'I know,' sighed Mary. 'It's scary.'

'I don't even have a boyfriend.'

Mary patted my hand.

'You're lucky. You get to be single.'

'Are you going to marry Remus? Because we just spent a shit-load of money on furniture, so you'd better plan on staying here for at least 10 years!'

Mary laughed and held out her pinky finger, and we pinky swore that we'd stay here for at least 10 years.

I feel a bit better about this now- our spending was a one off investment. That's okay.

Thank goodness mum gave me the money, though.

Oh fuck. Speaking of… I totally forgot about her engagement party tonight. Mary must come with me. She must.

.

4pm- Okay, Mary and I are going to work on our resumes for a bit before mum's engagement party…

.

4.10pm- Oooh mum just sent us some face masks. Apparently they're 'miraculous'. We're going to try them on now.

On a side note, it's funny how my attitude to mum has changed because of Shirley. In the past, her sending me face masks would've pissed me off. I guess I can always thank Shirley for sort of mending my relationship with mother…

.

1am- Agh. That was… interesting.

I saw and met Sirius' mum. Actually, Mary spotted her first. She nodded at her and said 'I'm betting all my last galleons that's Sirius' mum.'

They look SO similar. It's actually freaky. I couldn't help smiling when I saw her, because she looked so much like a girl (and older) version of him.

But then she looked at me, and that wiped the grin off my face. When I saw her front on, it was quite easy to see just how unlike Sirius she is. She had this coldness in her eyes I've never seen in Sirius before.

And she didn't _sound _anything like Sirius, either. She was really snobby and spoke with a very authoritative tone.

'No wonder he ran away,' Mary said, shivering as we walked past Walburga Black. 'She looks scary.'

'Anna, come meet Sirius' mother.'

I tried protesting, but my mum lead me over to Walburga before I could get out of it.

'Walburga, you remember my daughter- Anna? She used to play with Sirius when they were little.'

Walburga stiffened.

'Yes, I remember you, Anna. I see you're a better daughter to your mother than my son ever was to me.'

'Nonsense!' beamed mother. 'Sirius is charming! He's a good friend of Anna's, actually!'

Walburga glared at me and, trust me, I became scared for my life for a moment. After giving mother a tight smile, Walburga bowed her head.

'Excuse me.'

Mother looked confused.

'Don't know what _her_ problem is!'

'Mum!' I hissed. 'Sirius ran away from home. I'm sure I told you this!'

'What!' she exclaimed. 'Of course you didn't! When did he run away?'

'Ages ago! After fifth year.'

'No!'

'Yes! Walburga blasted him off the tree!'

Mum's eyes widened.

'Oh dear… I'm not sure I like your relationship with him anymore.'

'Mum,' I sighed. 'For the millionth time, I'm not_ with_ Sirius. We're just friends.'

'Hmm… why would he run away?'

'He didn't like the blood purity?' I offered. 'Walburga's world is a little different to ours, mum.'

She rolled her eyes.

'Well we all know she's a right snob. Anyway, darling, thanks for the gossip but I've got to go mingle. Be sure you don't drink too much- and stay away from the tiramisu- it's _pure_ cream! Not very good for the hips.'

She kissed my cheek and trilled hello to several people as she made a beeline for Julio, who was speaking to the Nigerian Wizarding President.

I looked around for Mary, but couldn't find her so I went to check out the balcony of mum's palatial ballroom. I was so surprised when I saw a familiar figure with shiny black hair that I rushed up to him and punched him on the shoulder.

'Oi Sirius! What are you doing here?'

But then he turned around and I realised he wasn't Sirius… but someone who looked like his younger twin.

'Actually, not Sirius. I'm Regulus, his brother.'

'Sorry,' I said, feeling mortified. 'I'm friends with Sirius. You two look really similar.'

'So I've been told,' he said drily.

'How come I never saw you at school? You look like you should be at school still, right?'

'Mum decided to not send me to Hogwarts while Sirius was there, lest he be a bad influence, so I've been at Durmstrang for the past 2 years. Like I'd _want_ to be like Sirius anyway.'

I stiffened at this.

'If you became half the man your brother is,' I said tartly. 'Then you would be extremely lucky. Excuse me.'

I felt so bad for Sirius. He never even mentioned he had a brother to me. I wonder if he misses him? Even if Regulus is a little shit, I'm sure he must miss him a little. Siblings tend to stick together a bit more in that way… I think.

But I don't think I'll bring it up. He doesn't seem to like talking much about his family.

Anyway. I found Mary and, after watching my mother becoming increasingly flirtatious with the high-ranking men at the party, we decided to leave while everything was still running smoothly.

.

Then, we decided to go to Hogsmeade for some ice cream (and to catch a glimpse of our former home, Hogwarts). As we walked past Sirius' work, I stopped walking and, for a while, we watched as he cleared tables, and then went on to serve other patrons.

'So what's going on there, hm?'

I turned to see Mary was looking at me expectantly.

I shrugged and we kept walking.

'Sirius works there.'

'I know. I meant… what's going on between the two of you?'

'Nothing. We're just friends.'

'Do you still love him?'

I looked at her and realised I didn't even know whether I did anymore. I guess at school it was easier to get carried away with romantic fantasies. A few days into our 'real world' crash course, and I think I'm already starting to realise the distinction between a fantastical crush... and reality.

The thing is, I do love him- but I love him more than I would love someone who was 'just' a boyfriend, because I trust him. With boyfriends, you can never trust whether they're going to break your heart, or cherish it. You always take a gamble when you fall in love- and there's no certainty in gambling.

And Sirius is someone I'd ever want to risk gambling away on a hormonal whim.

Watching him working made me feel really guilty about how lazy I've been, though, so I'm going to respond to those interview requests, and finish my resume first thing tomorrow. It's time I grew up a bit.

* * *

**Next chapter:**

'Shags: 1'

AND

'She told us not to watch too much television... but Mary and I are addicted. Television is amazing!'

AND

'I just received a note from Shirley saying that my bridesmaid fitting is on Monday at noon, at Artemis Couture.

I.E THE SAME TIME AS_ MUM'S_ BRIDESMAID FITTING.'

**That's right! Anna's getting sexy, addictive, a little suspicious... and quite poor in the next chapter!**

**Please leave me a lovely review to help stimulate my will-power to update again very soon :)**

**Love, Anya**

**(and in the meantime... feel free to stalk me! Links are on my Author's Page!)  
**


	25. Chapter 25: July 8 to 15

**July 8**

**Weight: Still unsure**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Resume: 1 (completed!)**

**Jobs applied for: 4 (v. good)**

**House: In order!**

**Money: 35 galleons (not good)**

* * *

10am-Today has been extremely productive already! Mary and I woke up, went to _Coins_ café downstairs, ordered a cappuccino and chocolate croissant each, and FINISHED OUR RESUMES!

Also, the barista at Coins is really cute, and he winked at me as I gave him my order. Hmmm…. Might be getting quite a lot of coffees there in the near future. Is very convenient as the café is literally next door. Mary also concurs that he is cute.

We've gone upstairs now, and are going to finally make decisions on the apartment. If we discover, later on, that they don't agree with the rules of feng shui, we can always switch things around later

.

1pm- That actually didn't take long at all! I don't know why we kept putting it off. The apartment looks great now! We've decided to invite Lily over for afternoon tea, tomorrow. We're going to hand in some resumes at some local cafes now, and I'm going to go to the Owl Post service and send off my responses to Helen Asteria, and the Quibbler.

We've decided not to apply to _Coins _café, because we want to keep that place sacred. That coffee was sooo good there!

,

6pm- The apartment really looks very lovely now! After dropping off our resumes and sending off my letters, we decided we should buy a bunch of white roses (and a vase) to brighten up our dining table. We think it really changes the room- gives it some added 'freshness' and 'life'. We also think Lily will be v. impressed by the progress we've made today. To congratulate ourselves, we are going to have a glass of white wine and sit on the porch.

.

6.30pm- Note to self: Buy deck chairs for the porch

.

7pm- Hmm, we're both hungry, but have spent too much today, given our limited/nonexistent income. We have some cereal and milk in the fridge, though… so I guess that'll have to be dinner.

.

8pm- I'm so full! Aggh. We ended up eating a whole loafs-worth of toast, as well as polishing off the rest of the cereal. It was wonderful. Bread and butter is a highly under-rated concept. It's the best.

.

8.30pm- We want to watch a movie, but are too poor to do so. We also have no bread, no cereal, and only a little bit of milk left. Hmm problems. I also feel like eating something nutritious like fruit, but fruit is expensive. I wish someone would take me out for meals…

Maybe I should date, simply for the free meal?

.

8.31pm- I can't believe I just wrote that. I've hit an all time low.

.

8.32pm- What do grown ups do, when they're not working? It's so weird, not having to have to study. We're both quite bored. Mary has decided she's going to start trying to write a book. Seems like a scary concept to me.

.

8.40pm- Hehe, Mary says she has given up, as she has writer's block. We have decided to go for a walk around the block to check out the local bars (but not buy anything).

.

11.40pm- Hehe, we flirted with 2 boys at 'The Witching Well' (our local joint) so they'd buy us cocktails. Mary felt bad, but we left without doing anything with them, so we technically did nothing wrong. After all, it's not a crime to chat to a boy, is it?

* * *

**June 9**

**Weight: ?**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (am really unsure as to why I'm bothering with these daily height measurements)**

**Job responses: 0**

**Further jobs applied for: 2**

**Letter responses: 0**

**Money: 25 galleons (money is disappearing at an alarming rate!)**

**.**

8am- We both woke up early with one thing on the mind- Coffee and Croissant at _Coins_. We're going down now. Hehe. It feels like we live in a hotel!

.

9am- Barista is still cute, and still v flirtatious. Mary says she misses being single. She probably just misses Remus. He's off in Transylvania, on some werewolf-medication trial, for something called Wolfsbane. Mary says that if it's successful, he won't be dangerous as a werewolf anymore, and won't have to go through a painful transformation. Poor Remus…

.

10am- Huh. Just got a letter from Jamie, asking me how I'm planning on dealing with our 'parents' wedding thing'. Idiot. I'm not replying. He should apologise to me.

.

10.10am- … and give me some of his ridiculously awesome pay cheque. I'm his sister!

.

11am- Aghhh forgot we invited Lily over for tea. Hmm… what does one have at Afternoon Tea? Cucumber sandwiches, scones, cake, macaroons…

.

11.11am- Lucky time! I'm making a wish.

.

11.12am- Okay. We have tea, and enough milk to make a pot of tea. If we're to make cucumber sandwiches, we'll need some cucumbers and bread. Oh, and … we finished the butter last night. So shameful.

.

12 noon- We have the ingredients for cucumber sandwiches. Lily sent a note saying she's baked scones. Lovely girl! We'll just buy some cream and jam too.

.

12.10pm- And sugar. I forgot Lily takes her tea with one sugar. I think I'll buy those lovely sugar cubes as they look so much prettier than normal sugar. But they're twice as expensive. Hmm.

.

12.11pm- Am so hungry! Must wait till afternoon tea for food, though. I have to stop eating unnecessarily as it is fattening but, more importantly at this point in time, quite expensive.

.

1.55pm- Cucumber sandwiches are ready. They taste alright (Mary and I snuck one in as we're both starving hehe). We have set the table and are generally very proud of ourselves. Where's Lily? I want scones!

.

5pm- Afternoon tea was lovely. We should do it more often. Lily's scones are amazing. She is a wonderful cook. I wish she'd come and cook for us every day.

Was very nice to see Lily in her non-AB form too. Apparently she's been having a lot of issues with Petunia re: her wedding, and Petunia was very rude to James when he came over to meet the family.

Poor Lily. She really does mean well. She doesn't deserve that from her sister.

Lily said it doesn't bother her much, but I think it does. She seems to keep a lot of things bottled up. We told her she doesn't always have to be perfect and that it's okay to call her sister a bitch, when she is one.

She laughed and then actually said it. She stuttered a bit on 'bitch', but it was so funny and she looked so relieved afterwards that we clapped and cheered for her.

She then said that she is very impressed by how much we have cleaned up our act, and then gave us what muggles call a 'television' as our 'real housewarming gift'. Apparently muggles use it to watch movies at home. She set it up for us opposite our couch and… it's amazing!

She also gave us what is called a 'video'- the things that store movies- of 'La Dolce Vita'.

She's going to stay with us and watch it now. I'm so happy!

Also, Lily already has a job as a receptionist in a Healer Centre. Howww? She just got back from Germany!

.

10pm- This television is amazing! There are these things called television shows, which are kind of like recurring, mini-movies. And you don't need to have videos to watch them! Lily thinks our reactions to the TV are very funny. We love her for the gift!

.

10.20pm- Hmm, we're all v hungry. We're going to order pizza. Just one…

* * *

**July 10**

**Weight: ?**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Job responses: 0**

**Further jobs applied for: 0**

**Letter responses: 0**

**Hours spent watching television: 12 (approx)**

**Money: 20 galleons**

* * *

10am- Lily stayed the night, but she's just left as she starts her new job at 1pm. She told us not to watch too much television… but Mary and I are addicted. Television is amazing! Why don't wizards have televisions? Hmm. We seem to be behind the times regarding some things- namely, entertainment.

.

10pm- We are forcing ourselves away from the television to go buy some basic groceries.

.

10.10pm- … in an hour.

.

11pm- Okay. We're leaving! RIGHT NOW!

.

12 midnight- Aw fuck. We missed 'Charlie's Angels'. I wanted to watch that.

* * *

**July 11**

**Weight: ?**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Job responses: 0**

**Further jobs applied for: 0**

**Letter responses: 1**

**Jobs: 1 (excellent progress)**

**Hours spent watching television: 8 (improving)**

**Money: 20 galleons (no money spent. V. good)**

**.**

10am- Hmph. Remus is back. He and Mary are locked up in her bedroom. They forgot to put a silencing charm on… where's my wand?

.

10.10am- That's sorted. Okay. I want to watch more television, but I really shouldn't. It's a bit awkward given Mary and Remus are shagging in the next room. Might take a walk…

.

11am- I wonder what Sirius is up to? Hmm. I don't know his address. I'm going to send him a note. I've got 2 owl credit stamps, which is good as it means I don't have to pay anything.

Note to self: Invest in an owl once I get a job

.

11.30am- Okay. Just sent him a note saying hi and that we should catch up if he's not too busy working. Am going to go home now. I don't care if Remus is still there.

.

12 midday- Oooh! I have good news! I just got a letter from Helen Asteria-

_Hi Anna,_

_Thanks for getting back to me. I trust your exams and subsequent graduation went well? _

_We are thinking of running an advice column here, at the Daily Prophet, and I thought you would be an excellent person to write it. I know you don't have any formal counselling training as of yet, but we're looking for some more common-sense type advice anyway- aimed at a teenage audience. _

_For now, the DP is willing to pay you 5 galleons for a 500 word trial article. Depending on whether you accept to work with us, and the editor-in-chief approves of your work, we might be able to bump it up to 15 galleons for a slightly longer article that may, ultimately, comprise your answering your readers' questions. This would be a weekly commitment._

_I wanted to ask you before we advertised this as a job opening. You seem to give very good advice to your friends- and to me, once. _

_Looking forward to hearing from you._

_Kind Regards,_

_Helen Asteria_

.

So, in effect, I have just received a job offer without even trying. It won't pay much… but it's better than nothing at this point! I'll take what I can get. Plus, it sounds kind of fun… even though I'm totally unqualified to give advice on any subject whatsoever. Am going to reply while the owl is still here.

.

4pm- Owl! Owl! Owl at my window!

Hmph. Was Sirius. He says he'll drop by at 5. Hmph. Why hasn't Helen Asteria responded to me yet?

.

4.10 pm- It's bad that I'm wanting to hear from Sirius' ex-girlfriend as opposed to Sirius himself, isn't it?

.

4.55pm- Okay. I should probably put on some makeup. Shouldn't put Sirius through the ordeal of seeing me makeup-free.

.

8pm- I think Sirius might dislike me…. Just a bit.

Helen Asteria's owl came just as soon as Sirius arrived. I had just popped off to the bathroom, and came back to find him holding her letter. He didn't look very pleased.

'This is Helen's handwriting,' he said, unsmiling.

'Y…yes,' I said, my shoulders slumping. 'But it's not got nothing to do with you.'

He raised an eyebrow and I sighed and sat next to him.

'Look, she wrote to me a few weeks ago asking that I contact her after I finish school.'

'Why?' snapped Sirius.

'Because,' I sighed. 'She wants to offer me a job writing an advice column for the Daily Prophet. She said she thought I'd be good at it.'

Sirius looked at me suspiciously for a moment, and I took the letter from him and read it. Here it is-

_Dear Anna,_

_I'm so thrilled to hear you're interested. Here are the details:_

_1 article_

_500 words_

_Topic: Falling in love, from a teenager's perspective_

_Due date: 21 July, 1pm sharp._

_Can't wait to read what you come up with! Remember, we're aiming this at a Hogwarts-type audience, so don't worry about wording things too fancily. _

_Regards,_

_Helen_

**.**

I read it and smiled- and then showed Sirius, who became very silent as he read her letter. I'm pretty sure he just stared at her handwriting for a while, because it's not exactly a long letter.

'Sirius,' I said gently. 'You need to forget her.'

He shrugged and tossed the letter on the coffee table.

'I have forgotten her. It's just… _annoying_ that she's trying to get in with you. You're_ my_ friend, not hers.'

'I know,' I said. 'But she's not my friend. She's giving me a small job which, given the state of my finances at the moment, I'm extremely grateful for. I think she did it more as a 'thank you' to me, as opposed to trying to annoy you.'

Sirius still didn't look very convinced, and so I asked what I knew I had to-

'If it's going to affect our friendship, I'll write now and tell her I don't want the job,' I sighed.

He shook his head, but smiled nonetheless.

'No. No way. It's a good opening for you. You should do it.'

So, happy to have sorted that little issue out, I showed him the television and we watched a television show together. It was called 'The News' and said everything that was going on in the Muggle World. It's interesting, the kinds of problems muggles have. For example, they have these very strange sicknesses I've never heard of- like cancer which, apparently, kills a lot of people. Sirius says we 're given some kind of immunity potion when we're young that protects us from all muggle diseases. Hmm.

I wonder why we don't give the muggles that immunity potion? Seems rather cruel to me. Sirius says we can't, because that would disrupt the natural order of things in the muggle world, and it's not our place to tamper with that. He says us wizards and witches die of magical diseases that the muggles never get, so it's the same kind of thing in our world too.

Hmm. I don't know I agree with him, but I don't know enough about it to have a very strong opinion on the matter.

Hmph. Mary just came out and said Remus is taking her out for dinner, and if I wanted them to bring me back anything. I said no. Hmm… I think I'll open that massive chocolate bar we bought yesterday…

* * *

**July 12**

**Weight: ?**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Job responses: 0**

**Further jobs applied for: 0**

**Words of article written: 0 (v. bad)**

**Dates: 1 (v. good!)**

**Shags: 1 (v. bad of me. Shag itself was v. good)**

**Money: 10 galleons (situation becoming v. alarming)**

**.**

8am- Hmph. Mary is STILL with Remus. They need an intervention, I think. At this rate, Remus will be our next housemate. Also, he ate all our eggs last night. Am not v. impressed with this. Obviously, if I was rich I wouldn't care about Remus eating half a dozen of our eggs… but I am quite poor, and was planning on having 2 of those eggs for breakfast.

Now I guess I have no choice but to go to _Coins _café for breakfast instead. Hmmm.

Will take some parchment and a quill and see if I can write my article there.

.

11am- I'm so happy! I was sitting there, trying to write my article, when the sexy barista (who's name is Rob) came over and spoke to me!

This is roughly what happened-

'Here's your cappuccino and croissant,' he said, placing them on the table. 'You're usually here with that other girl, aren't you?'

I nodded, trying not to squeal at the thought that he remembered me.

'Yeah, Mary. She's my housemate. We live in the apartments next door.'

'Cool,' he grinned. 'I'm Rob.'

I blushed.

'I'm Anna.'

'Whatcha doing there, Anna?' he said, nodding to the parchment that was filled with idiotic scribbings and stupid pictures.

'Oh,' I said, blushing. 'I'm trying to write an article.'

His face brightened.

'Are you a journalist?'

'No… not really. I just finished school, but I've been given the chance to write a trial article for the Daily Prophet.'

He touched my arm lightly (I WILL NEVER WASH THAT SPOT!) and grinned.

'That's a pretty big gig. Congrats.'

It then occurred to me that he had a strange accent.

'Where are you from?'

'Australia,' he replied. 'It's why your coffee's so good. No offence, but you Brits have no idea how to make a decent cup of coffee.'

I think my love for him grew a million times as soon as he said that. Not only is he sexy and makes good coffee… but he's got a bloody brilliant accent and he's AUSTRALIAN!

I've always thought Australian men are best. There's actually this Australian television show I've been watching called 'Neighbours'. I quite like it.

Anyway. I told him I thought Australia was really cool and couldn't understand why he'd come here when Australia was so beautiful and beachy.

'Hun' he said, laughing. 'It's not all beaches and kangaroos and koalas. I come from Melbourne, so I rarely ever go to the beach.'

'Isn't that where Neighbours is set? On Ramsay Street?'

He laughed at me.

'You watch muggle tv shows? Are you muggle-born?'

I shook my head.

'No, but my friend is and she gave us a television set as a housewarming gift. Do you watch Neighbours?'

He laughed at me again.

'No, it's not as popular in Australia as it seems to be over here. Unless you stay home and watch television all day, I guess.'

I blushed at this, because- let's face it- all I've been doing lately is watch television.

'Listen, Anna, I've got a few coffee orders sitting there, so I gotta get back… but I like you. Want to go out some time?'

I stared at him, completely shocked that the sexy (Australian) barista had just asked me out.

'Y..yes!' I managed to squeak.

'Cool. Are you free for dinner?'

I said that I was and so now… I have a dinner date with the Australian barista. OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO GO FIND A DRESS!

.

4pm- Okay! I forced Mary to kick Remus out and told her all about my date with the Australian. Mary is quite jealous, but went shopping with me to buy a new dress for the date. It is v. good. Black (slimming), and tight around my boobs while hiding hideous backside and thighs.

I also bought this rather scary pair of underpants that the shop-keeper said would make me look '2 sizes smaller'. They remind me of the massive granny-pants my Nan used to wear.

Anyway. Am v excited for the date. Am going to meet him at 7pm. Alalala… 3 hours to go!

.

6pm- Oh goodness… what if he wants to have sex? I'm a forest down there, again. Hmm… wonder if Sirius is free for another waxing session? Har har, only joking.

.

6.30pm- Right. Will not be having sex as is very unladylike and unbecoming to have sex on the first date anyway. Also, have scary granny miracle pants on, so if I _were_ to be in for sexy time, would probably end in Rob running away as quickly as he can.

.

6.45pm- Okay, I shaved my 'down under' (har har- my 'Australia') just in case. But I shouldn't do anything. I _won't _shag him. I won't.

.

6.50pm- Is it bad that I really want to? He's so fit! Ahhh his accent!

.

7.00pm- Okay. Am going to go downstairs now…

* * *

**July 14**

**Weight: ?**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Job responses: 0**

**Further jobs applied for: 0**

**Words of article written: 0 (still v. bad)**

**Dates: 1 (v. good!)**

**Shags: 1 (love morning shags)**

**Money: 40 pounds (love my mum)**

**.**

6am- Oh my goodness. What did I do? He took me to this Australian pub thing for dinner and we just drank _so _much. These Australians seem to pound down their beers. We were so drunk, the next thing I knew we were snogging as though our lives depended on it as we stumbled to my room and proceeded to shag like animals.

OH MY GIDDY AUNT- THE GRANNY PANTS!

He wasn't too drunk to notice them. I myself had completely forgotten them. When he reached to pull my knickers off, he made a weird face and then got up suddenly, his eyes wide and frightened, and said 'what the fuck are _those!"_

I blushed and started swearing under my breath, but then he grinned and said he thought they were kinky in a weird sort of way, and that he liked them…

I was mortified, but decided to leave it there as he was snogging me again before I could say anything on the matter anyway.

Gah.

Mmm, he's still sleeping next to me. He really is v. fit. Mmm

Also, he is _much_ better than Daniel ever was. I now understand what Helen Asteria meant by Daniel not being worth it. I also see why it's important to shag quite a few people before settling on one shagging partner for life (i.e. husband).

Imagine marrying someone like Daniel! You would never know what you were missing out on!

Ohhh I think he's waking up… must fix breath.

.

12 noon- Oh my Lord. I've escaped to the bathroom. We shagged again when he woke up and- yes, it was very nice and all- but now he won't leave! I don't know what to do! Mary just came back with Remus and they keep giving me questioning looks as to why the Australian is STILL FUCKING HERE!

I fucked up when he asked me, as soon as we finished shagging, what my plans were for the day. I said they were very open, thinking he might arrange for dinner later that day.

BUT NO!

He said he has today off and that seeing as I had no plans, he had might as well stay at my place. I was too shocked by his forwardness to say no.

And now he's settled himself on our couch wearing nothing but boxer shorts, with a massive bowl of cereal, and a huge glass of milk.

HE USED UP ALL OUR FUCKING MILK!

Not sure how to solve this situation. How does one go about kicking someone out?

.

2pm- I think I love my mum. I know I'll never say this again, but her coming over unannounced was possibly the best thing she's ever done for me (after giving me those 500 galleons).

It was really awkward, because Remus was trying to help us out by chatting to Rob, who was becoming increasingly hyperactive after drinking coffee after coffee.

Who knew sexy Australians could be so mad? Ugh. I knew there had to be a catch for him to like me. There always is.

Anyway. FINALLY, at around 1, mum burst into the apartment, trilling 'hello'. Mary, Remus and I stopped and stared at each other for a moment, and then I went over to mum and hugged her and whispered to her that she needed to help me get the crazy half-naked man out of our apartment.

She shook her head at me, and in brilliant fashion, marched right in, clapping her hands authoritatively.

'You! Who are you, and what are you doing in my apartment?'

Rob stood up suddenly and became awkward as he stared at my mum.

'And why in Merlin's name are you half-dressed? Off you go! Get dressed and be gone! I'm expecting guests in an hour! Out! Out!'

'You live with your mother?' he stammered to me.

I merely shrugged.

Rob was too stunned to argue. In a minute flat, he was gone from the apartment.

'Anna!'

I turned around, ready to face the music from mother. She was surprisingly good about it.

'Yes, I know. I should wait….'

'You should _never _let them stay the night! Too many men over-stay their welcome. That's how I became engaged the first time. He would never leave!'

'You were engaged before dad?' I said, shocked.

'Mmm,' mother said vaguely, walking about the apartment and surveying our set up. 'I approve of your furnishings. You girls have done an excellent job.'

'Thanks,' Mary and I mumbled.

'But it must have cost you a fair bit. I know for a fact that this particular lampshade was quite expensive. How are you for funds?'

I LOVE MY MUM! She gave me 30 galleons extra. She was also very encouraging when I told her of DP article, but said that she won't give me any further handouts and that Mary and I need to be more proactive about getting jobs.

She also said that her bridesmaid fitting is next week, on Monday at noon…. at Malkin Couture! I can't believe it! I'm going to own a Malkin Couture dress!

.

4pm- Mary and I have opened a bottle of wine. Remus left soon after my mother did. I asked him to keep the 'Rob' situation to himself. I'm not sure I want Sirius, James or Peter and ESPECIALLY not Lily knowing about that embarrassing situation…

Mary is very good about it. She says, now that it's over, we can simply lie back and laugh about Rob. She also says that having regrettable one night stands is all part of the experience.

Well, I don't know, but I'd rather _not_ experience _that _again.

We also have to find a new regular café, as I'm sure as hell not going back to _Coins_ again. Mary suggests we don disguises. It's a huge pity, really, because Rob really did make the best coffee.

Now I'm sad. Why couldn't he have turned out to be a normal man? Why? I just want a nice, proper boyfriend. Is that too much to ask?

Oh well. I guess I got 2 amazing shags out of it. It's better than nothing, I suppose…

.

6pm- Whoever is up there, really hates me. I just received a note from Shirley saying that my bridesmaid fitting is on Monday at noon, at Artemis Couture.

I.E THE SAME TIME AS_ MUM'S_ BRIDESMAID FITTING.

What the fuck? How are they managing to book the same time and dates for everything? Something seems very fishy about this. The problem is, I wouldn't put it past my mother to try disrupting Shirley & dad's wedding… but I wouldn't be surprised if this is all Shirley, either.

So what am I to do? I don't want to have another argument with dad and Shirley, but mother really has been very supportive lately…

Hmm, maybe it's mother? Maybe she's trying to buy me to her side? Hmmm. Devious…

Will write to Shirley and tell her I've already promised mum I'd go to her fitting at noon on Monday, and whether she can possibly change the time to earlier or later on that day.

.

7pm- Hmph. Shirley says she can't and asks if I can ask _mother_ to change her time.

Uhhhh.… no way. Agh. This is so stressful. Where's Sirius when I need him? Maybe I'll go visit him? I have his address here…

.

10pm- Okay. I am a supreme idiot. Nothing new there.

Sirius was very helpful and his house, by the way, is AMAZING!

It's in Hall's Valley, and it's this big double-storey house with really beautiful furniture and the biggest back yard (if you can even call it that- it's more like expansive grounds) out back. There's even a lake that flows through his grounds. Like… who even has that!

But I can see how it would get lonely. Everything is so big and spacious that it would be better suited to a big family as opposed to a single boy.

Anyway, so I arrived there and he seemed surprised to see me when he opened the front door.

'Anna!' he said, 'what are you doing here?'

'I'm not interrupting your evening, am I?' I said.

'No, no, of course not!' he said, letting me in. 'Want a tour?'

So he gave me a tour of the amazingly beautiful house of his, and then we sat in the living room with a butterbeer as I recounted the developments in the Shirley vs Pamela saga.

'Well you have to go to your mother's,' he said, as though it was obvious.

'I know,' I said.

'But what about the wedding itself? Won't you have to miss one?'

I nodded.

'That's another problem! If they were both here in England, I'd just keep apparating between the two, but Shirley and Dad are getting married in _Greece_!'

Sirius frowned.

'Shirley doesn't look Greek.'

'Oh, no she's not,' I said, rolling my eyes. 'But they went there on holiday together, so she thinks it'll be meaningful if they get married there.'

Sirius looked at me for a moment.

'But you realise Greece has a 2 hour time difference to us. They're 2 hours ahead. Are the weddings at the same time with the time difference in mind?'

My eyes widened as I realised this, and I suddenly launched myself at Sirius and hugged him.

'You're a genius! I didn't even think of that! That's brilliant, because I can now go to both weddings!'

Sirius blushed a bit, and smiled at me.

'Glad to have helped… mind you, I wouldn't inform Shirley or your mum of this time difference loop-hole. Just tell them both that you'll be attending their respective weddings.'

I sighed, very relieved.

'That's made everything so much easier. But what do I do about the fitting?'

Sirius shrugged.

'Just tell Shirley you can't make hers. If it's just a fitting, you could always go at another time.'

I nodded and beamed at Sirius.

'Thanks so much, Sirius. You're awesome.'

And this is where my idiocy returned-

'What are you doing tomorrow night?' I asked.

He shrugged.

'Nothing special. I don't have work.'

I nodded, feeling very clever-

'How about you come over? I'll cook!' (WHYYYYYY?)

Sirius looked surprised.

'You cook?'

I DON'T. I'VE NEVER COOKED ANYTHING BEFORE. LIKE MOST THINGS IN MY LIFE, I SUSPECT I WILL BE A COMPLETE FAILURE AT IT.

'A little,' I lied.

He grinned and shook my hand.

'Deal. I look forward to it.'

I got up and went to leave, feeling a panic attack coming on.

'Well, I'm not amazing or anything…'

'I'm sure you're just being modest- as usual.'

I swallowed thickly.

'Um… sure. Okay, come round at 7.'

And with that I left.

Fuck. Fuckity, fuck, fuck. Now I have to cook for Sirius tomorrow.

.

10pm- Just told Mary about cooking fiasco. She says Remus will be over tomorrow night too, and if they can join us.

But that means I have to invite Peter, as well as James and Lily too.

Oh fuck. Had better floo the others to invite them.

.

10.15pm- And Peter's girlfriend.

.

10.20pm- Fuck. Everyone said they'd come. Fuck. Okay, am going to try planning some kind of menu.

.

11pm- I looked in Witch Weekly recipes. They had a 'Russian Recipe' special, and these recipes seem quite cute and lovely and exotic:

Entrée: Borscht soup with porcini mushroom dumpling parcels (A kind of beetroot soup)

Main: Pelmeni dumplings, and Shashliks

Salad: Herring Under Fur Coat Salad (What a funny name!)

Dessert: Russian Honey Layer Cake, with Cherry Varenya tea

Mm, these ingredients don't seem v cheap. Hopefully the others will bring Vodka as I can't afford it. Also, these recipes seem quite complicated… but I'm sure if they're in Witch Weekly, they can't be _too _difficult, right?

I can do this! Am now envisioning tomorrow night to be a spectacular evening, with everyone praising me for being a culinary genius.

After all, I'm very good at eating. It makes sense that I should be just as excellent at cooking!

Am going to go get some rest now, as I have a big day of cooking ahead of me!

* * *

**Next chapter-**

'SOUP HAS TURNED BLUE!'

**AND**

**'**Uh... Anna? There's an Australian man called Rob at the door. He's asking for you. He seems to think he's your boyfriend.'

**AND**

'What time is it?'

'11'

'What time was the interview?'

'10'

**I promise next chapter will be full of disasters and, hopefully, laughs for you! **

**Now, even though you all know I'm updating quite regularly now... it'd be nice if you still left a review as encouragement/reward for my awesome super fast updating rather than just thinking 'Meh! She's going to update tomorrow anyway so there's no point' because yes, while I will probably update tomorrow again anyway, it's always nice to receive some review love! And love is what this story is all about, isn't it?  
**

**Lots of love,  
**

**Anya  
**


	26. Chapter 26: July 16 to 20

**July 16**

**Weight: 10 st 4 (hmph)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Job responses: 1 (v. good!)**

**Further jobs applied for: 0**

**Words of article written: 0 (still v. bad)**

**Money: 20 galleons, 2 sickles, 3 knuts (v.v.v.v.v.v..)**

* * *

10am- Now that I have money, am going to go buy scales right away. I can't stand this 'not knowing' business about my weight!

.

11am- Hmm. Am no fatter or thinner. Thinking positively- at least am not fatter. Have hidden scales inside lovely walk-in wardrobe, in case Mary gets annoyed at me for purchasing them when I should be budgeting money more appropriately

But these scales are important health-wise, so to speak…

Right. Had better go to supermarket and buy ingredients for tonight's horrific dinner. Agh. I don't want to…

.

12 noon- Right. I think I've got all the ingredients. Is bloody expensive cooking for entire Hogwartian family. It had better turn out to be fucking amazing,.. and everyone had better invite me round for dinner every day after tonight, as will be too poor to purchase food myself.

.

1pm- Mary is going to help by setting up the house. She has found a Spanish record and is playing it to try giving me 'exotic' vibes as I prepare to start cooking. Really must get onto the salad, as it requires a lot of 'chilling' time so the mayonnaise can seep through the beetroot.

.

1.10pm- Oooh! Mary went to the thrift store across the road and found a record of Russian folk songs for 2 knuts. She also purchased a small bottle of vodka which was on sale for 2 galleons. Amazing! The vodka is chilling, and we are currently trying to sing along to the Russian songs. They are very dramatic and fun!

.

1.20pm- Right! Mustn't get distracted! Will finish this salad before we start drinking.

.

1.40pm- Okay…. Salad seems done. It looks a bit funky, if you ask me. Actually, the entire concept of this salad is quite funky. Basically, it's boiled potato, mayo, herring (which is YUK, YUK, YUK on its own!), spring onions, mayo, boiled carrots, mayo, and then heaps of boiled beetroot, finished off with a final layer of… yep! That's right- mayo.

Mayo overload. But it's quite a pretty purple… and I love the name. Hehe. 'Herring Under Fur Coat Salad.'. Mary thinks the salad will improve the flavour and 'complement' the Herring which, alone, we think is horrible. I think it's just a very strong-flavoured fish that someone either likes, or dislikes.

Hopefully the others will love it.

We are going to have one shot of vodka now… and then I'll get onto sorting out the Pelmeni.

.

3pm- Mmm. Pelmeni are v. difficult and complicated. I think I'll abandon that idea for now, and get onto the Borscht. Also, as I couldn't find porcini mushrooms at the supermarket, have just decided to omit the mushroom parcels and have the plain soup.

.

4pm- Mm, okay, the soup is looking as it should. Will put a charm on it to continue simmering while I go have a quick shower.

**.**

5pm- Oooh! Mary and I just received interview requests from a nearby café called 'The Honey Pot'. We are v. excited. Interview is tomorrow, at 10am.

This is VERY GOOD news! Hopefully we'll get the jobs!

.

6pm- HOLY COW! SOUP HAS TURNED BLUE!

Apparently I muttered the wrong charm and now it's bright blue. Am afraid to try it.

.

6.10pm- Mary seems to think the soup looks cool. We had a few vodka shots to calm me down. Okay, will go try it now…

.

6.20pm- I can't really taste much, but there was nothing offensive about it (taste-wise) so I think I'll go ahead and serve it. Fuck! Must get a move on. Totally forgot about dessert…. Maybe we'll just have ice cream with cherry varenya tea instead?

.

6.30pm- Agh! And the Pelmeni! My dough for the dumpling hasn't turned out well at all. I can't use it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Okay. Will just try and cook the meat for the Shashliks. How hard can cooking meat be?

.

6.55pm- Why has the doorbell just gone off? It's not even seven! Is supremely rude of whoever it is to arrive early. Aghhh. Oh fuck, I forgot about the meat…

.

7.05pm- Meat is black. Everyone is here. Am hiding in my wardrobe, because I don't want to serve everyone blue soup, burnt meat, ice cream with honey, and a queer salad that seems to have overdosed on mayonnaise. This is disastrous beyond compare. I am yet again a complete failure.

What's worse, is that I spent all my money on ingredients…. That are simply destined for the rubbish bin.

.

7.10pm- Have just come up with a plan. Will get everyone supremely drunk on vodka before serving horrid soup and salad. Then, they'll be too drunk to realise food is vile.

.

9pm- This is disastrous. Am hiding in wardrobe again.

While I was writing my previous entry, Mary barged in and hissed that I had invited all these guests to our house, and that hiding in my wardrobe was very unhost-ful of me.

THEN, her eyes fell on my scales and she got stroppy at me for spending money on scales, saying that how was I meant to contribute to household shopping with no money?

To make matters worse, James came in at that point saying-

'Uh… Anna? There's an Australian man called Rob at the door. He seems to think he's your boyfriend.'

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Then Mary got even more pissed off at me-

'Fucking hell! We just moved in, and you've already managed to get a stalker. We'll have to move!'

'What's going on?'

I groaned as Sirius entered my wardrobe, looking confused.

'I didn't know you had a boyfriend, Anna,' he said stiffly.

I tugged at my hair, on the verge of losing my temper.

'I don't have a fucking boyfriend! He's some creep I had a one night stand with… and now he's apparently stalking me. I'm sorry I fucked up with the cooking- Sirius, I lied. I've never cooked a bloody day in my life and, after today's disaster in the kitchen, I'll never cook another day in my life again. I am not a poised hostess. I'm a disaster. I'm sorry.'

They stared at me for a moment, and then James became serious.

'This Australian… he's unwelcome here?'

I sighed.

'Completely.'

James looked to Sirius, and they did this silent nod thing. Without another word, they both disappeared. Mary and I rushed after them and tried not to laugh as we watched them hexing Rob out of the apartment, shouting 'And don't ever bother Anna again!'

Then, James went up to me, smiling encouragingly, and said-

'Right. Now, Anna, I'm starving. Can we eat your Russian feast?'

I nearly cried at how nice they all were about it. They all finished their blue soup (in between grimaces). I kept telling them not to eat it because it was horrible, but they all said they loved it and that they would finish it.

Then James- love him- asked for more. Obviously I didn't give him any more, but it was lovely of him nonetheless.

Lily put some 'burn reversal' charm on the meat, and helped me cook it properly- by 'help' I mean she cooked the meat, while I stood by awkwardly and apologised for horrid soup.

So everyone ate the meat, which was good. Lily is such a wonderful cook. I also brought out the funky 'Herring Under Fur Coat Salad'. I thought it was gross and, if anything, _enhanced_ the horrid flavour of herring. Sirius, Lily and Peter, however, all like herring so they said the salad wasn't bad at all. Sirius was lovely and had a second portion and asked if he could take it home with him seeing as neither me nor Mary liked it. I hugged him for that comment. Made me feel much, much better.

Unfortunately, that was not exactly enough food for a big group of us… so everyone is being v lovely and taking me out for pizza. Love my friends. Love them.

.

12 midnight- Pizza is infinitely better than funky herring salad. We've now stocked up on vodka and are going to play Russian drinking games, and cards. Hehehehe.

.

**July 17**

**Weight: 10 st 5 (whyyyy!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Job interviews: 1**

**Job interviews slept through: 1 (abominable!)**

**Further jobs applied for: 0**

**Words of article written: 0 (terrible!)**

**Money: 18 galleons 4 knuts (MUST find job soon!)**

.

6pm- Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Mary and I woke up on her bed this morning. Remus was sleeping on the floor, Sirius on my bed with Lily (!), and James on the couch. Peter's girlfriend had to leave early, so Peter didn't stay last night.

Anyway. As soon as I woke up, the first thing I thought of was my splitting hangover.

The second, was that we had an interview at 10am.

So you can imagine my horror when I looked at the clock to find it was 11am.

'Mary! Mary! Wake up!' I groaned, shaking her.

'Sod off,' she muttered, pulling the covers over her head.

'Mary! Our interviews!'

She shot up suddenly.

'Fuck!' What time is it?'

'11'

She frowned.

'What time was the interview?'

I sighed.

'10'.

'Shit.'

'I know.'

We both lay back down.

'Anna?'

'Yeah?'

'I'm scared. We don't have jobs yet.'

'I know.'

'Yet we keep spending money.'

'I know.'

'Do you reckon they might interview us still?'

'Doubt it.'

'Yeah… me too. Fuck.'

'Hmm.'

We lay in silence for a bit longer, and then I ran from the bed, to the bathroom and chucked up for a while. Mary came and helped me out. We then wandered out to the living area and couldn't help laughing when we saw Lily spooning Sirius on my bed.

'Lucky bitch,' I muttered.

Mary laughed.

'Why don't you just shag him already?'

I rolled my eyes and set about making coffees.

'Because he doesn't _want_ to shag me. Sirius Black gets what he wants. If he wanted to shag me, I think it would've happened already.'

Mary shrugged and we went to the balcony and sat there, drinking our coffee.

'I like having everyone over. Feels like school hasn't finished yet.'

We sat in silence for a bit.

'But it has, hasn't it?' she sighed. 'We need to sort our shit out, Anna.'

'I know. Can you force me to write my article today?'

She nodded.

'Yes. And we really ought to hand in our resumes at other places. If we haven't been contacted yet, I doubt they're interested.'

We sighed, but were interrupted by James, who had apparently woken up and discovered his fiancée sleeping in the same bed as his best man. When we got into the living room, he was wrestling Sirius on the floor of my bedroom.

'Stop!' I shrieked, as James socked Sirius one in the jaw. 'Don't get blood on my carpet!'

Lily, the hopeless drunk that she is, was too busy vomming in our bathroom to do anything about her enraged fiancé.

'He was in bed with Lily!' James roared.

'Mate!' Sirius panted, in between trying to defend himself. 'We were all drunk. Nothing happened. She's Lily, for Circe's sake!'

James paused for a moment.

'What's _that_ supposed to mean?' he snapped.

Sirius glanced at us and we shook our heads desperately.

'Well, she's not exactly my type… at all!'

'What are you saying, Sirius?' James bellowed.

'Oh fucking hell,' Mary snapped, whipping out her wand. In an instant, she'd put a body bind curse on James. I went to the fridge and gave Sirius some ice for his horribly broken, and bleeding nose.

'Fuck!' Sirius said, sounding v annoyed. 'It's not my fault she ended up in my bed.'

'_My _bed,' I said, pressing the ice to his nose gently.

He winced, and I bit my lip.

'I'll take you to St Mungos.'

And so I left Mary and Remus to sort out the slighted James, while I took Sirius to hospital. Apparently, after a bit of arguing, Lily managed to talk some sense into Potter and the two left quick to, presumably, have a bit of make up sexy time (except not actual sex, as Lily is saving that for the wedding night).

Sirius was quite miserable and quiet at the hospital. I tried to cheer him up, but was quite hungover myself and not really in the mood for chatting.

It was pretty funny when the Healer got to him though.

'Oh dear,' muttered the healer.

'What? What?' said Sirius, looking quite desperate. 'Will it ever be the same? My nose was one of my best features!'

'The bump give you some _character_,' I grinned. 'Why, it's almost a _hook _nose. You can form a support group with Snape!'

Sirius didn't seem to find this v funny, and told me promptly to shut up.

Then, when the healer set to resetting Sirius' nasal structure, Sirius was the biggest chicken I've ever seen and kept groaning and shouting for the healer to stop, because it was 'too painful.'

So the Healer then doped Sirius up on a lot of pain meds… which is why I happen to be writing this particular entry from Sirius' house. I have to watch him for the next 12 hours in case he does anything stupid.

You see, the stupid git took double the amount of pain meds he should've, so he's been ridiculously off his face for the past few hours. Thankfully, I spiked his butterbeer with some sleeping draught and now he's snoring away in his (amazingly big) bed.

It was quite funny though-

'Jones,' he slurred, as I tried to support him as we walked up the street to his place.

'Yes, Sirius?' I sighed.

'You didn't love that Rob guy, did you?'

I snorted.

'No. Course not!'

'Don't you love me, Jones?' he slurred.

'Yes, Sirius,' I sighed. 'I love you very much.'

Suddenly, he became very still and I watched him warily.

'I want chocolate,' he said.

'We're nearly home. I'll get you some then.'

He shook his head.

'No. I want it now.'

(Am NEVER having kids!)

'Well you'll just have to wait,' I snapped.

He pouted and I managed to get him walking again.

'I have a confession.'

I raised my eyebrows.

'Oh?'

'Yes,' he said, nodding. 'Lily touched my… mini Sirius… when we were sleeping. It was very traumatic.'

I tried not to laugh.

'I think you might want to keep that fact from James,' I laughed.

He then swayed a bit and I struggled to keep him up. He laughed.

'Jones… I think I'm high.'

It was a bit of a struggle getting him up the hill to his place, because he kept giggling like a little girl. Then, when we actually _got _home, he did something I've only dreamed of for…well, forever-

He asked me to shag him.

And what did I say?

Bloody fucking no. I'm pretty sure having sex with someone who's just been drugged up as much as he has would've been illegal.

Gah.

This is how it came about-

I helped him up the stairs to his bedroom, and helped him lie down. He then pulled me down with him.

'Jones,' he murmured in my hair, while I tried to wiggle off him. 'Jones, I think we should shag. You should take the rest of my pain potion and we should shag. It'd be amazing, Jones. Tantric…'

I only wish he'd ask me to shag him when he's sober. Unfortunately, he seems to have too much bloody respect for me when I'm sober to do that.

So, with amazing will power, I got off him.

'Here… drink this,' I said, handing him the sleeping draught.

'What is it?'

'It'll keep you high,' I lied (trust me, I had to. He was enjoying his state of high way too much!)

Grinning, he downed it in one. A second later, he was out.

So now I'm sitting in the corner of his room, watching him sleep. He really is very cute when he sleeps. Hmmm… Maybe I should've just taken his pain potion. That way, I wouldn't have been held accountable should we have shagged afterwards…

And then I could at least get the concept of shagging him out of my system. Hmmm… the vial's just there…

NO! NO! Must stop these thoughts! Oh crap. I sound like some creepy pervert. I hope that doesn't mean I have some dark, evil side to me. I'm not a bad person, am I? Aghhh. This is horrible. I think I'm going to leave Sirius' room for a bit. His sleeping presence is screwing with my mind too much.

.

10pm- Fuck? Where has Sirius gone? He was sleeping when I left him… and now his bed is empty. Fuck. FUCK!

.

3 am- Sirius' bathroom- Oh Merlin. My life is a disaster.

Right. Turns out he woke up, felt fine, and decided to go to Hogsmeade and get us ice cream to 'thank me' for looking after him. I screamed at him for around 10 mins however, because I was so worried that something horrible had happened to him. Also, he had no right to be apparating when he still had the potions in his system, so shouted at him for that too.

Unfortunately, by the time I was done shouting at him, the ice cream had melted.

'Chill out, Jones,' he said, handing me what was left of my cone. 'But thanks for caring. I never thought I'd enjoy being shouted at. Kind of reminds me of what a mother should be.'

I was horrified.

'I remind you of a _mother_?'

He laughed and sat quite closely to me on the couch.

'Mmm… a very sexy one.'

That struck me as the first herring. He called me 'sexy'. I guess, if he was calling me a sexy mother… oh lord. He was calling me a milf? Ahhhhh!

Anyway. He was staring at me with this very purposeful look, and his breathing was very shallow and I myself started panicking at this. My palms got all sweaty and my heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest.

'Anna…' he whispered, leaning closer. 'Anna, I…'

My eyes widened as he simply leaned forward and kissed me. I was shocked at first, but then it was so intoxicating- and, let's be honest, what I've been dreaming of for so long- that I just went with it. I snogged him back like my life depended on it.

In no time at all, we had chucked our ice creams and were lying back on his couch, clawing at each others' clothes frantically as we continued to snog.

Initially, I was just ecstatic that this was finally happening. I felt like I'd finally found my little slice of Heaven on earth.

Then, Sirius stopped for a moment and he shook his head blinked, as though trying to refocus his eyes.

And that's when my illusion of Heaven came crashing down all over me. I got up quickly and smoothed down my dress.

'Fuck… I'm so sorry, Sirius,' I breathed.

'What are you doing?' he said, rubbing his temples. 'Why…'

'This is the side effect of the drugs. I can't do this when you're…'

'I'm fine,' he said slowly.

'No! No! You're not!' I exclaimed, blushing furiously. 'And… we're friends, right? I can't let this stupid slip up affect our friendship. Please don't let it. I'm sorry…'

Sirius stared at me for a moment, and then looked away and nodded.

'Yeah,' he sighed, picking up his bottle of butterbeer and drinking from it. 'Don't worry about it.'

I fidgeted with my hands behind my back.

'So… are we okay?' I said awkwardly.

He nodded and rubbed his temples again.

'Yeah.. anyway, you're right. I've got a terrible headache from that pain potion. I think I'll just sleep the rest of it off. You should go home.'

It was soooo horribly awkward. I'm such a bad person for taking advantage of him like that.

'Okay,' I nodded. 'I'll help you upstairs.'

'You don't need to,' he said gruffly, getting up and starting to climb the stairs himself. 'I'll be fine.'

I followed him up the stairs nonetheless. He raised his eyebrows as I watched him climb into bed.

'Want to tuck me in too?' he asked drily.

I laughed a bit.

'Do you want me to?'

He rolled his eyes and I went over and climbed onto his bed.

'I'm not going home tonight. You shouldn't be by yourself.'

He shrugged and so I lay down next to him. We were silent for a while.

'Jones?' he said quietly.

'Yeah?'

'Did your parents ever tell you bed-time stories?'

I nodded.

'Yeah. When I was little. Mum did for a while.'

I hadn't thought about it for a long time. I'd forgotten about those days when she and I used to get along- before that day when I walked in on her shagging the gardener.

'My parents never did.'

'No, your mother doesn't strike me as the type.'

He was silent and I couldn't help smiling.

'Do you want me to tell you my favourite bed-time story?'

I saw his lips twitching a little, so I cleared my throat dramatically:

'Very well then,' I said, quite enjoying myself. 'Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a princess called…'

I paused. Mum always made me the main character.

'Sorry,' I said, clearing my throat again. 'Let's switch to a different land. Anyway, in this different land, called Grimmauldia, there lived a handsome prince called Sirius.'

'Very diplomatic start,' he said.

'Unfortunately, for Prince Sirius, he lived in a kingdom that was ruled by his tyrant parents. All who lived in the kingdom, lived in fear of the King and Queen. Unlike his parents, however, Prince Sirius was kind and fair.'

I paused, not entirely sure where this story was going.

'One day, Prince Sirius heard that a Princess had been kidnapped. She was beautiful and rumoured to be the fairest of them all. In an extreme act of courage, Prince Sirius defied his parents and ran away from home to find this Princess.'

'In order to rescue the Princess, however, Sirius needed a sidekick. While his best friend, James, was the obvious choice, he was off rescuing a different Princess, called Lily, from the land of Abstinencia.'

Sirius laughed.

'And so, he had to make do with the silly, bumbling and rather clumsy Anna, whom he had known since they were little.'

'Aww you're the sidekick? I thought you might've been the Princess, and I had to save you from your evil step- mother, Shirley,' Sirius interrupted.

I glared at him.

'What?'

'Do you think you can tell the story better than me?'

He laughed.

'Okay, okay, fine… carry on.'

'Yes, so Sirius had set off to find the beautiful Princess with his sidekick, Anna. Unfortunately, she was more a hinderance than an actual help, so he pushed her off a cliff early on in their journey to speed things up.'

'Hey!'

I laughed and lay back on the pillow.

'Alright,' I sighed. 'I suck at this. Sorry… I guess you'll never have a bedtime story- well, not from me anyway. Your version was much better- but I don't deserve to be a Princess in any story.'

'Am I allowed to disagree?'

'No.'

'Fun sponge.'

I hit Sirius, and he pouted.

'You're meant to be looking after me! Not causing me further injury!'

I rolled my eyes.

'Calm down. You're so loaded on pain potion that you couldn't feel any pain anyway.'

'Not all pain is physical!' he exclaimed dramatically.

I laughed.

'Thank goodness we never became housemates. I don't think we'd ever sleep.'

'Sleep is over-rated.'

'Says he who just had a few hours of it. I've had a very trying day. Can't you let me sleep?'

'What if your 'boyfriend' comes and slaps me up like James did to me this morning?'

I laughed.

'You're a bit of a philanderer, aren't you?' I mused. 'Lily, last night, me tonight… who will it be tomorrow? Mary? Ness?'

'Both,' he said simply.

We laughed.

'Oh yes,' I said drily. 'I nearly forgot about your threesome fetish.'

He grinned so cheekily that I had to slap him again.

'I'm going to sleep on the couch,' I said, making to get up. 'On an unrelated topic, I think you need to get yourself a girlfriend. You seem to have a lot of pent up… uh… _tension_.'

'If you want to see pent up tension, look at James.'

'Are you blaming that on his reaction to finding you in bed with Lily?'

Sirius nodded.

'Absolutely. Again, it comes down to Lily. It's all her fault.'

I got up properly this time.

'That's it… I'm going to your couch!'

'No!'

I turned to look at him.

'Right. Well, if you want me to stay, then we have to actually sleep. I'm exhausted.'

He pouted, but then made a motion of zipping his lips.

I couldn't help smiling.

'Good night, then.'

And now, despite my spiel on going to sleep, I'm suffering from horrible insomnia. I can't help it. He's lying there next to me, and all I can do is replay us snogging like mad on his couch… and secretly wishing he'd wake up now, drug free, for a repeat session… on his bed.

Gah. Can't wait to go home. Desperately need to talk this out with Mary… and Lily, if she'll come.

* * *

**July 18**

**Weight: 10 st 4 (plus side of looking after Sirius all day yesterday- I didn't eat anything)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: ~3000 (disgusting)**

**Drinks: Approx 6 (v. bad)**

**Pain potion vials taken: 1 (shocking! Am now a drug addict?)**

**Jobs applied for: 0**

**Words of article written: 0 (MUST get onto this pronto!)**

**Hours spent replaying snog memory: 10 (v good).**

**Shags: 1 (shag itself was good, fact I participated in shag, is v.v.v.v.)**

**Money: 16 (eek!)**

* * *

11am- Home sweet home! There is nothing like being at home! Love my bed. Love my Sirius-free house or, rather, penis-free house.

.

11.10am- Hmph. Not completely penis-free. Remus is in Mary's room. Those two spend _way _too much time together. Honestly, what do they do all day, every day? THIS is why Mary and I don't have jobs yet. It's because she's always bloody locked up with Remus to go out and apply for jobs!

.

11.11am- Lucky time!

.

11.12am- Am not sure what my own excuse is… seeing as I don't have a boyfriend. And Rob certainly does not count as a boyfriend. Oh bloody hell. Someone's at the door…

.

12 noon- Hm. Was James. He wanted to apologise for his behaviour yesterday, and to inform me he was going over to Sirius' now to patch things up with him. Hmmm… I think this apology of his reeked of Lily. Am sure she set him up to it. Anyway, was good to see Pottyhead in a somewhat level-headed state. Yesterday's bashing wasn't exactly a pleasant memory.

.

1pm- Thank GOODNESS! Lily is going to come over tonight, after work. She said she'll bring some food with her too. Hooray for lovely Lily!

WHY IS MARY STILL SHAGGING REMUS? I NEED TO DISCUSS MY NEAR-SHAGGING WITH SIRIUS!

.

1.05pm- Really, I ought to get onto my Daily Prophet article... But I don't know what to write about! I don't know anything about love. I mean… look at me! I've never had a proper boyfriend, and have never had anyone actually fall in love with me… and, again, Rob doesn't count. Somehow, I don't think the Daily Prophet will enjoy an article warning teenagers against having one night shags with creepy, yet sexy, Australian baristas.

.

2pm- Alalalalalalala. Still got nothing. Hmm…. Keep having 'almost-shag' flashbacks. Gahh. Just when I think I'm almost over Sirius, he has to go and snog me like that… even if it wasn't his fault because he was off his face on pain meds.

.

3pm- I'm so boreeeeed. My entire bedroom floor is covered up in scrunched up parchment. Hmph. Am now beginning to wish I owned a 'Merlin's Hotrod'…. Maybe that sex shop has a mail order service?

.

3.10pm- Am stupid, because I don't even have enough money to _buy_ a Merlin's hotrod. And to think we wasted that money on Minnie! Sirius should have bought _me _one as a present to apologise for befriending me, when he is such a horribly alluring sex god. Is it weird to call a guy a tease? Well I don't care, because he is one.

.

4pm- I think I'll go for a little walk.

.

6pm- GAHHHHH! I've just done something v.v. terrible-

I ran into Rob on my way up. Had to walk past Coins, and he ran out and cornered me-

'Anna! What's going on? Why won't you speak to me?'

I looked around desperately for an exit. Nonetheless, I couldn't help reappreciating just how sexy he is… and can you blame me- after the Sirius fiasco of yesterday?

I made some lame excuse and… gah!... he was just standing so close to me and the promise of releasing that tension was so close that I couldn't help myself.

I snogged him. That's right. I, Anna Jones, supreme idiot and harlot, snogged my stalker.

And then I brought him up to my room and shagged him.

Thankfully, he left right away, as he was actually still on his work shift (it's a miracle he still _has _his job).

But now I'm lying here feeling v.v.v. guilty and cheap. I don't love him, or having any feelings for him whatsoever- but shagging him is bloody amazing. I've never, ever had such intense orgasms and… gah… I really, _really_, needed that release.

Guys seem to do this sort of thing all the time, and no one ever thinks anything of it. Is it so bad for me to do the same?

I guess the difference is that most guys don't sleep with someone who is known to have stalkerish tendencies towards them. I am hopeless. Am going to… ooh hello! I forgot to leave Sirius' pain potion with him… Hmmm….

.

7pm- This potion bloodesha amzing! Lily comehs soon!

.

**July 19**

**Weight: 10 st 5 (gah)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: ~2600**

**Drinks: 0 ()**

**Hangover: Terrible**

**Pain potion vials taken: 0 ()**

**Ice cream: 1**

**Jobs applied for: 1 (excellent)**

**Words of article written: All 500 (yesssssss!)**

**Hours spent replaying Sirius snog memory: 10 (v good).**

**Shags: 0 (v. good)**

**No. of letters from Rob: 5 (eek!)**

**Money: 14 galleons (oh dear…)**

**.**

11am- Agh. Splitting headache. I wonder if I could go down to Coins for a coffee? Or would that be encouraging/enabling Rob? Also, I'm not sure I can trust myself with him.

.

11.10am- But don't particularly have any hormonal feelings at the moment… will just go and have a quick peek…

.

11.18am- Ha ha! He wasn't there! Mmmm, Coins coffee is the best.

.

11.20am- Agh. Okay. Right. Here is what I need to do today, in order of priority:

1/ Have shower

2/ Write article

3/ Hand out resume

4/ Clean living room and kitchen area/Mary clean the bathroom

5/ Plan next week

.

Okay! Have a lot to get done. First, will recount last night-

So, Lily came over to find me in my loopy, high state. Then, what did she do? She went and took a vial herself!

She said work was v stressful as dealing with sick patients is very traumatic and, instead of abusing the healers, they abuse her- the receptionist.

She has also been having second thoughts re: the wedding. Apparently seeing James bash up Sirius as he did the other morning freaked her out and now she's not talking to James, despite their pseudo-makeup snog. She's also wondering whether they're too young to get married just yet-

'I mean, I love the git. I do,' she slurred, flopping onto the couch next to me.

'He's a good egg, that one,' I said sagely.

'He is,' Mary concurred.

'But… he's just… a kid! We're both kids, let's face it. And do I really have to be a virgin when I get married? Is it _that_ important?'

We both shook our heads.

'No.'

'Is sex good?'

I cried a little, as I remembered my 'relapse shag' with Rob.

'What is it, Anna? Is it _that_ bad?' Lily said, looking terrified.

I shook my head.

'NO! It's bloody amazing… but the problem is once you start, you need it somewhat regularly. I have a confession.'

'You shagged Sirius yesterday?' Mary shouted. 'I knew it! I knew it! You were very suspicious when you came in!'

I sighed.

'No. I wish. I'll discuss THAT issue, later. No…. I sort of… shagged…um….Rob..'

They both stared at me, and then Mary slapped me.

'You brought him in here? AGAIN?'

'Anna, isn't he stalking you?' Lily said, confused.

'Yes!' I gasped, 'but after being with Sirius all day I just had to have_ someone_ shag me and well… Rob just happened to be there when my resolve was at its lowest.'

Lily's eyes widened.

'Oh no! It's addictive? Is it like smoking? I don't want to be addicted! What if I become a sex maniac?'

Mary and I laughed at the concept of Lily being a sex maniac.

'Mary is,' I said, nodding at Mary, who was pouring out more vodka for herself. 'She and Remus stay locked up in her room all day every day.'

Mary grinned sheepishly.

'He's just… so good. And he seems to last forever.'

We rolled our eyes.

Lily looked dubious.

'I have a confession too,' she said sheepishly.

We looked at her.

'I sort of… wish I could be like you. Living together… single… I don't know that I should be getting married just yet.'

'OF course you shouldn't!' roared Mary. 'You should go shag a few other people before you set base camp with Potter.'

'But James loves you,' I reasoned.

Lily covered her face.

'Do you still have a spare bedroom?'

Mary and I looked at each other with glee.

'Are you thinking of moving in?'

'Please do!' I squealed. 'We can't cook to save ourselves!'

Lily looked sad.

'Maybe I should… just for a few months. James and I had a really horrid fight last night.'

'He did come over here and apologise to me,' I said earnestly.

'He did?' Lily said hopefully.

I nodded.

'Good egg.'

Lily became miserable, and took another shot of vodka.

'I can't get married in less than a month. I can't!'

We patted her arm and told her it would be okay, whatever decision she came to.

'What happened with you and Sirius?' Lily asked me miserably.

'Oh… that,' I said, becoming miserable myself. 'He was high on pain meds.'

'Like we are now?'

'Yeah, except he'd had _much,_ much more than we've had.'

'Right… so what happened?'

'Well, he was high as a kite, and then I put him to bed, and so I just went and chilled in his living room for a bit. When I went to check on him again, he'd disappeared.'

'Oh no!' Mary gasped.

I laughed at her.

'Anyway, it turned out he'd gone to Hogsmeade to buy us ice cream.'

'Well he can't have been _that_ high if he managed to apparate to and from Hogsmeade successfully.'

I blushed.

'Of course he was! And then… I don't know how, but we kind of ended up snogging on his couch and then a few items of clothing were lost…'

'OH MY GOD! YOU SHAGGED HIM?'

I slapped Mary.

'No! That's just it! I felt like I'd be taking advantage of his drugged up state, so I told him we had to stop, and then put him to bed again… and stayed the night just to make sure he was okay during the night.'

'In his bed, or the guest room?' Lily quizzed.

'His bed,' I said, ashamed. 'To be fair, it's a very big bed, and we didn't touch at all throughout the night.'

'Hmm….' Lily said.

'Hmmm….' Mary added (completely unhelpful).

'You know what I think, Anna?' Lily piped up.

'Enlighten me,' I mumbled.

'I think you're in very grave danger of entering the 'friend zone' with Sirius.'

'I'm already there,' I said, rolling my eyes. 'I'd say he's one of my best friends.'

'Oh no!' Mary gasped. 'The friend zone!'

'What's wrong with the friend zone?' I frowned.

'Anna,' Lily said in a hushed voice. 'If you're in the friend zone, it's very hard to get out of it. Too much respect for each other can be a bad thing.'

This seemed a bit rich, coming from Lily.

'Exactly!' Mary nodded. 'You don't want him to respect you to the point that he can't even consider touching you. If you're in the friend zone, the last thing you want to do is progress to the 'sister' zone.'

'The sister zone?' I repeated.

'Oh no!' Lily gasped. 'Horrible! If he sees you as a sister… then there's no going back. He could never kiss you if he viewed you as a sister. Why, that'd be incestuous!'

Mary chuckled.

'Well, you know what they say about the Blacks…'

I couldn't help laughing at this.

'Yeah, being viewed 'as a sister' might just be the biggest turn on for him,' I laughed.

We both giggled for a moment, until we caught Lily's sombre expression.

"This is no laughing matter, Anna. From now on, you can't hang out with Sirius so much- just as friends.'

'But what am I to do?' I exclaimed. 'He _is _my friend.'

'See him less often.'

'I can't!'

'Well try!' snapped Lily. 'You don't want to ruin your chances with him, do you!'

I snorted.

'Like I even _have _ a chance!'

'He snogs you all the time,' Mary pointed out.

'Only as a joke, or to coerce me, or when he's high on pain meds/drunk. It's not exactly a sure sign of attraction.'

Mary and Lily rolled their eyes at me, but thankfully we switched back to Lily's 'James' dilemma for the rest of the evening.

Okay, am going to go have a shower now. Must get on with my day.

.

12 noon- Agh. As soon as I came out of the shower, heard knocking at the door. At first I thought it was Rob. Turned out to be Sirius. Gah. Now I need to get changed because he wants us to go out for lunch.

V. V.V. BAD START TO GETTING OUT OF THE 'FRIEND ZONE'.

.

8pm- Well! That's been a productive day. I don't care what Lily and Mary say, I love Sirius and how things are with us.

So as we were walking around Hall's Valley, he was pretty awkward. I knew it was about that snog.

'Look, Sirius, about the other night when we…'

I cleared my throat and blushed.

'I get it. You were high on your pain meds and I was... well, I was just shocked. I'm sorry I let it get that far. It didn't… It didn't mean anything, obviously. I hope things won't be weird between us because of it?'

He stared at me for a moment, and then smiled. It wasn't his 'natural' smile though. It was kind of forced. (Gah! Am so much in the friend zone that I know his 'types' of smiles!)

'Yeah… yeah, of course,' he shrugged. 'We'll just forget about it. Now, have you heard this business about James and Lily's wedding being called off?'

I gasped.

'What? It's _actually_ been called off?'

Sirius nodded.

'Yeah. James saw me this morning. He's gone to tell his parents now. I think they'll be pretty upset. They were really excited about the wedding.'

'I knew Lily was having second thoughts… but I didn't think she'd actually call it off!'

'Well,' Sirius said, 'Apparently she went and saw him early this morning and they both came to the agreement that getting married this young would be a mistake. Oh, and they've agreed to take some 'time apart'.'

I gasped.

'No! How's James?'

Sirius looked confused.

'Oddly calm. Actually, he seemed a little relieved. He still loves Lily, but I think the whole wedding thing was a bit to much, too soon.'

I felt stunned. I never actually believed Lily would go through with it. I just thought she was venting a little.

'Shit…'

Sirius, however, didn't seem quite so upset about the breakdown of their relationship.

'Ah, it's okay. If we get into Auror training, our first month will be away in some 'top secret' location anyway… so it wasn't exactly ideal that they'd get married, only to not see each other for the first month of their marriage.'

I felt v. unsettled by what he'd just told me.

'You'll be leaving?' I blurted out. 'Why?'

'For training. I hear it's quite intense.'

'But…'

He laughed at me.

'Oh… don't tell me, Jones… you'll miss me?'

I slapped him.

'Of course I will, you git! Won't you miss me?'

He grinned.

'Yeah, I'll miss you…'

I was miserable throughout lunch at the concept that Sirius might be disappearing for an entire month.

'Do you_ have_ to be an Auror?' I snapped, as we left the restaurant. 'Isn't it ridiculously dangerous? What if you die?'

Sirius, however, seemed to find my reaction funny. I'm not sure what was funny about it.

'Why are you laughing?' I shouted, not caring if people stared at us. 'It's not a joke!'

He sighed.

'I'm actually the best candidate for an auror- no family, no girlfriend…'

'And what are we?' I snapped. 'Don't we count for anything?'

He looked at me strangely.

'Why are you getting so worked up about this? I haven't even been accepted yet!'

I gave him a dark look. All the talk of jobs, however, seemed to remind him about the job which I myself was avoiding.

'Speaking of unsavoury jobs,' he said. 'How's your article coming along? Is it done?'

I snorted.

'I've written a grand total of zero words,' I said miserably.

Sirius' eyes widened.

'But it's due on the 21st!'

'I've still got time,' I whined.

'That's it,' he said, shaking his head. 'You're coming home with me, and I'm going to lock you in the study until it's done.'

I thought he was joking. Unfortunately, he wasn't. He's more of an AB than Lily and Minnie combined, when he wants to be.

After an hour of complete writer's block, I started banging on the study door.

'Sirius!' I whinged, 'I'm stuck! I've got no ideas.'

He opened the door, in supreme AB mode.

'How much have you written?' he demanded.

'Nothing,' I said sheepishly.

'Oh Anna,' he sighed, sitting on the couch, opposite me. 'Right. Let's discuss it. What's your topic?'

'Falling in love, from a teenager's perspective,' I said miserably.

He snorted.

'Come on! You've been in love, haven't you?'

'Yeah… unrequited love,' I muttered.

He shrugged.

'So write about that.'

'It's not exactly juicy.'

'Yes, but most teenagers don't have these amazing 'love stories'… and unrequited love is something I think pretty much everyone can relate to.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Except for you.'

He raised his eyebrows.

'What makes you say that?'

'Well… you're you. You always get the girl you want.'

He sighed.

'Yeah… no, I don't.'

I gasped.

'Oh my goodness! Who? Who was she?'

He glowered at me.

'Stop changing the subject!'

'This is research,' I chimed.

'Yeah, you're not fooling me,' he chuckled. 'Of you go! Get writing.'

I glared at him but then decided I might as well just write it. After a lot of trial and error, here is my final article:

.

The Most Common Form of Love, by Anna Jones

When I was a teenager, my friends and I all had dreams of having some 'great love story' – of finding 'the one'- at the young age of 14. These fantasies were, no doubt, fuelled by reading an excessive amount of Mills & Boon novels, and trashy magazines. What these magazines and books never seemed to touch on, however, was the concept of unrequited love. Unfortunately, as a teenager, this is the most likely sort of love you're going to experience.

In reality, you don't always get 'your man'. How can you, when probably half the girls in school are lusting for that very same heart-throb? The laws of nature just don't allow him to be shared by so many girls at once!

I am well acquainted with spending hours longing after _that boy_. The one whom I've convinced myself is my true love and, if only he looks my way- or talks to me- he'll realise just how compatible we are. One magical day, you strike gold- you're paired together in Potions. But then he introduces himself to you and you realise that he doesn't even know your name, despite the fact you've shared the same Potions class _all bloody year_. Suddenly, all those hours spent planning your dates, your first kiss… your wedding, even (I'll admit, sometimes I take my fantasies a bit too far!) come shattering down all around you. As you feel that hot flush of shame and embarrassment, you realise you've just had your first dose of that wonderful and terrible thing that is called 'Unrequited Love'.

If you're already reaching for that box of Hogsmeades' Finest- or even planning a sneaky trip to Hogsmeade to drown your sorrows- fear not. Not all hope is lost. You see, unrequited love is something we all experience- yes, even that heart-throb, and that stunning girl in your year have felt its sting.

So what's it good for? Surely, if we're all condemned to experience it, it must be good for _something_… right?

It is. Firstly, it saves you from a heck of a lot of embarrassment. I remember the first time I fell in 'unrequited' love, I wrote a series of (terrible) poems that I planned on giving to him, once he realised just how perfect we were for each other. My friend had even planned the names of their future children- Cleopatra Chanel Aphrodite, and Septimus Horatio Ceasar. I'm sure her future children are very thankful that particular relationship never saw the light of day!

Above all, unrequited love is what keeps us hoping. If you never experience it, you take love for granted- as something you can get anytime you want. What makes love so special (and terrible, at times), is that there are no givens. There is no guarantee he will love you back. Love always keeps you guessing. Perhaps, in a pseudo-masochistic way, that's what keeps us coming back for more.

So don't fear it. Embrace it. Enjoy the fantasies while they last and, when you realise they'll never come true- suck it up. You'll love again, and again , and again until, one day, he or she might even love you back.

**.**

Am v proud of myself for finishing it. I'm not sure Helen Asteria will like it- and I wouldn't let Sirius read it in case he realises that I was referring to him as that 'potions' boy… but anyway. Is done, and used Sirius' owl to send it off.

Unfortunately, Sirius only mentioned that his owl _hates_ Helen Asteria after I'd already sent her off. Honestly! Apparently Helen Asteria has a huge phobia of his owl as well. Hmph.

Anyway, I thanked Sirius for forcing me to write the article and he said I could buy him a beer sometime to thank him- but requested that I refrain from 'cooking' as a means of thanking anyone in the future. Hmph.

Mary and I are now going to go for ice cream at Florean Fortescue's in Diagon Alley. Tata.

.

10pm- I am SO awesome today! There was a sign at Florean's saying 'URGENT: STAFF WANTED'… so Mary and I handed in our resumes. He wants to give us a trial run on Friday. Yayyyy! Such a productive day!

Working at an ice creamery is my dream job too! Am going to go to bed, and get up early tomorrow and do some exercise (go me!)

.

10.10pm- Or not. Lily's coming over. She's distraught about her breakup. Had better hide Sirius' pain meds….

Agggh! Also just discovered a pile of letters on my bed… from Rob, saying he loves me. Gah. Why am I so shameful when hormonal? Actually, why am I so shameful in general?

* * *

**July 20**

**Weight: 10 st 6 (ugggggh)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 3000 (repulsive. I blame Lily)**

**Drinks: 1 (not bad)**

**Pain potion vials taken: 0 ()**

**Ice cream: 0 (but will have plenty once start job!)**

**Article: Finished and sent!**

**Hours spent replaying Sirius snog memory: approx 4 (improving)**

**Hours spent wondering if I will ever leave the 'friend zone': approx 3**

**Hours spent praying Sirius won't die on Auror service: all day (v. good)**

**Shags: 0 (v. good)**

**No. of letters from Rob: 5 (eek!)**

**Money: 12 galleons (agggh! Had better receive DP pay cheque v.v.v.v. soon!)**

**.**

11am- After lengthy, sobre girls' discussion, last night, it has been discovered that it was James who suggested he and Lily break up, after she questioned whether they ought to get married. Lily is v. upset about this, and v. angry at James.

It was decided she is to live with us and pay 1/3 of the rent (yesssss!), which means my rent shall be approx 66 galleons. Excellent!

Lily has also decided she is done being a good girl and wants to be a bit more whorish. We advised her against it, as she has never been a whore and we think it might be dangerous for her to try becoming one now. We're not sure her constitution will be able to handle it.

She then told us to stop quoting Oscar Wilde, and that she wants to go out on Friday night. We agree this was a good idea, as it will also be good to celebrate our first shift of work… and the fact I managed to get my article in BEFORE it's due date (this has never ever happened to me before!)

.

6pm- Oh dear. Lily has moved in the guest bedroom and gone crazy in the kitchen. She is cooking like mad. I guess, on the plus side, we'll have a feast tonight?

.

3am- What the fuck? Why is Lily cleaning at this hour? That's it. Am going to give her a sleeping draught to knock her out. She needs to stop cooking and cleaning as a means of dealing with her breakup. Though, quietly, is probably a better way of dealing with it than drinking and partying.

But the latter is more fun, and less annoying when others are trying to sleep...

Ahhh! First shift at Florean's tomorrow!

* * *

**I had issues getting this chapter out, as I've kind of…well… injured my right arm because I've been writing too much lately. Hmm.**

**This chapter turned out to be a lot more dramatic than I anticipated. I wonder what Lily's going to get up to, now that she's single with a vengeance?-**

'_Mary and I stared in horror as a naked man stepped out of our guest bedroom.'_

AND

'_Sirius has bought a contraption called a 'motorbike'.'_

.

**Please continue the awesomeness from last chapter. My injury felt worth it to receive so much love from you all!**

**Lot of love,**

**Anya**

**Pallzc- Of course I read all reviews, and respond to all signed ones. If you want a response to your review, you'll need to sign in.**


	27. Chapter 27: July 21 to 28

**July 21**

**Weight: 10 st 7**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 3300 (2000 alcohol, 1000 ice cream)**

**Drinks: 10 (terrible)**

**Ice cream: too much to count**

**Responses from Helen Asteria re: article: 0 (terrifying)**

**Snogs: 10**

**Men snogged: 3 (Am a tramp)**

**Money: 9 galleons (I give up. Am going to be living on the streets soon. Perhaps should become a hooker?)**

* * *

8am- Agh! What time is this? TOO EARLY! We start work at 10, and set our alarms 2 hours early last night so we'd have plenty of time to get ready.

.

8.30am- Okay. Makeup is good. Lily is passed out on couch, poor thing. I think I'll wake her up, because she starts work in half an hour.

.

9am- Am worried about Lily. She's called in a sick day from work. Also, discovered she took more pain potion last night. Must hide them from her…

I wonder if we can call anyone to look after her while we're at work?

.

9.30am- Right. Mary has told Remus to check on Lily periodically throughout the day. The last thing we need is for Lily to off herself on our first day of work.

Note to self: REMEMBER MUM'S FITTING AT 12 noon! DO **NOT** FORGET!

.

12.00pm- break- Was quite a quiet morning of work, which was good as gave us a chance to figure out how to do what. Florean says he's employing us because he wants employees who won't have to quit to go back to school once the summer break's over.

OH OH OH! I NEVER KNEW THIS! FLOREAN IS MARRIED TO MALKIN!

i.e. Madam Malkin, the founder of Malkin Couture. Aghhhh. I can't believe it!

I wonder if I'll ever be able to get a discount on Malkin Couture? Maybe if I become a star employee? Hmmm

Also, love Florean. He encourages us to try all the ice cream so we can describe it to customers. YAY! Am having a huge sundae for lunch. Hehe

FUCK! Mum's fitting is meant to be now… okay, hopefully can do this before my break finishes.

.

7pm- Agh. I dislike how long this shift was. 10-7pm… I haven't worked this hard… ever!

Also, my feet are killing me. Standing up for 9 hours, with an hour break, is not my idea of fun.

But he gave us a huge tub of ice cream- apparently his newest flavour- to take home… so I guess that's good! Aghh. It's so nice to be sitting down. I think am going to use that pedicure voucher mum gave me on my day off, on Monday.

.

7.10pm- Ugh. Received a note from Shirley saying that she's disappointed in me for missing her fitting. Well she can just shut up. I've been busy working. Mum, thank Merlin, was very good about my being late.

'Oh, darling,' she said, emerging in a spectacularly huge white (HAHA) wedding dress . 'There you are.'

'Mum,' I panted. 'I've got to be back at work by 1 at the latest.'

She waved to the assistant.

'Fit her up quickly, then,' she snapped.

She then smiled at me.

'You got a job?'

I nodded.

'Yes, at Florean Fortescue's ice cream.'

'Oh well,' she shrugged. 'It's a start. And what about your article?'

'All done!' I said, trying not to wince as the assistant started lacing the bodice of my dress veeeery tightly.

Then, mum frowned at me.

'You've put on weight!'

I sighed.

'Yes.'

She clicked her tongue.

'Could you go on a bit of a diet until the wedding? Nothing drastic… but it would be good if you ate healthily, Anna.'

I sighed at this… and then proceeded to eat much more ice cream when I went back to work. Am eating some now. This new flavour- passionfruit and chilli icecream- is AMAZING!

.

7.30pm- Oh dear. Lily seems to have her own private stash of pain potion. I think she steals it from work. Maybe Lily is a drug addict? Oh dear…

We're going to go out in half an hour. Maybe she can dance it off. Dancing always makes me happier.

.

3am- Am disgraceful. And v drunk. Also, my article was crap. I fucking hate unrequited love and I don't want to suck it up, thank you very much. I just want Sirius to shag me and then tell me he wants to marry me. Boo.

* * *

**July 22**

**Weight: 10 st 8 (alarming)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 400 (v. good)**

**Drinks: 1**

**Ice cream: 1 (excellent)**

**Responses from Helen Asteria re: article: 0 (Am a failure)**

**Snogs: 0**

**Lily tantrums: approx 5 (horrific)**

**Hours spent fantasising of Sirius as a father: 4 (v. bad)**

**Money: 8 galleons, 2 knuts (WHEN IS MY PAY DAY?)**

**.**

9am- Fuck. Going out and getting drunk last night was a very bad idea. Don't know how Mary and I are going to survive work today. I hear Mary vomiting. Makes me want to…

.

9.10am- Ugh. Just vomited. Disgusting. I hate alcohol. I hate work. I hate men. Can't believe I snogged 3 different men last night. Can't even remember what they looked like, but am sure they were v sleazy.

.

9.30 am- Oh my giddy aunt. Mary and I just emerged from a fresh vomiting session to see a naked man stepping out from our guest bedroom.

WHAT HAS LILY DONE?

.

9.40am- Turns out they never shagged, because he was 'too drunk to get it up'. Lily is scaring me. She is meant to be the AB in our group- the solid, moralistic rock. She is not meant to be a drug addict and slut. I wish we didn't have to go to work. She needs an intevention. Also, she is going to work now where, I suspect, she is going to steal more pain potion.

.

12 noon- Am on break, but am going to check on Lily at work first.

.

12.30pm- She was working. She seemed her usual professional self at work, I think. Okay, that's reassuring. Gah. Why do so many kids order ice cream during the summer? Work is so busy. Just want to curl up in the corner and sleep. Also, is ridiculously hot today. Am going to buy some hangover potion. I won't survive work otherwise.

.

8pm- Just held an intervention for Lily. Told her she is not to bring strange men home. But then she pointed out I've brought Rob home, and our argument was trumped. But then we made her show us her handbag and we took the vial of pain potion she had been sneaking. The whoring we can deal with later- but we won't allow her to become an addict.

Lily then went to her room and threw a hissy fit. She is v difficult to live with at the moment. She thinks it's unfair that it's okay for us to shag random men, and then get drunk every other night, but she is not allowed to get high.

We tried explaining that we always have some boundaries when we do these things, but she screamed that sleeping with one's DADA teacher shows no boundaries whatsoever and that she'll leave and live on the streets if we're going to treat her like this.

She is horrible. Mary & I are at a loss as to what to do. Also, is v difficult for us to go and have fun now because, suddenly, we must be models and set Lily a good example. Hmm… what to do?

.

8.10pm- We decided I should talk to Sirius, who might be able to talk to James.

.

12 midnight- Sirius is a genius.

He looked surprised to see me-

'Trust me, this isn't a pleasant visit,' I said grimly, flopping onto his couch, exhausted. 'Lily's in a bad way.'

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

'Oh?'

'Yes. She's addicted to pain potion, and last night she brought some strange man home.'

Sirius paled at this.

'She… did?'

I nodded.

'Yes.'

'Hang on… pain potion? How has she got access to it?'

I sighed.

'I forgot to leave your extra pain potion with you. We took one together early last week…. But now she's getting it from her work.'

'I see,' said Sirius grimly. 'Well she needs to get off it right away.'

'YOU try telling her that,' I sighed, throwing up my hands. 'She won't listen to us because she seems to think we're setting double standards for her. She says why am I allowed to shag my DADA teacher and get drunk every night, when she can't even have a man stay over.'

'She shagged him?'

I shrugged.

'Who knows. She said she didn't.'

Sirius nodded practically, and then stood up. I too stood up, confused.

'Where are we going?'

'To yours,' he said grimly. 'She has to see sense.'

So we apparated to the apartment, where Mary was having a screaming match with Lily. They both stopped, and Lily blushed when she saw Sirius.

'What do you want?' she snapped at him.

'To talk to you,' he said seriously (hehe. Sirius was serious).

She rolled her eyes.

'I don't want to talk to you,' she snapped brattily.

'Too bad,' he snapped back, walking up to her. 'Sit.'

We all sat. He truly is the biggest AB ever when he wants to be. It's kind of scary… and, is it weird that I find it a bit of a turn on, as well? Hmmmm

'Lily,' he said authoritatively. 'You and James broke up. The wedding's off. You're not the first person this has happened to.'

Lily rolled her eyes.

'I'm not upset about _that_. I'm glad I can finally live my life.'

Sirius looked at me, and I could tell he was getting v frustrated with her attitude.

'Right,' he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'That may be the case, but don't you think you're going about it the wrong way? This is Anna and Mary's house. They set it up, and welcomed you to it, after.'

Lily looked away sullenly.

'I'm going to pay rent.'

'That may be so, but it's very disrespectful of you to scream at them as you have been, when they only want to help you out.'

'It's so unfair!' she snapped. 'Why can they go and shag whom they please, but I can't?'

Sirius stared at Lily for a moment.

'You can,' he shrugged. 'You want to shag someone? Off you go- there's the door.'

Lily fidgeted.

'What's wrong?' Sirius said, raising his eyebrows. 'I thought you wanted to go off and have sex?'

Lily's nostrils flared.

'Don't you take the moral high ground with me!' she shrieked. 'You practically shagged all of Hogwarts! And don't think I've forgotten how you got high every night after Helen Asteria dumped you!'

Sirius looked at Lily plainly.

'And? You want to do that too? That's fine. We're not going to stop you. Go… get high, have sex. Do that, if that's what you _really _want.'

Mary went to say something, but Sirius stopped her.

'No- Lily's right. She's an adult. If she wants to go have sex, that's fine. If she wants to do drugs, then that's her decision too. You've told her you disapprove, but it's ultimately Lily's choice.'

We all stared at Lily, who blinked away angry tears.

'WHY DID YOU BRING HIM HERE?' she shouted at me. 'HE'S JAMES'S FRIEND! YOU'RE SUCH TERRIBLE FRIENDS. I HATE YOU.'

She got up and ran off to her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. Sirius looked to us and sighed.

'Wow. I didn't think she'd be _that_ bad.'

'Why did you tell her that!' Mary snapped. 'Now she thinks it's okay to carry on as she has been.'

Sirius shook his head.

'No. Our telling her its okay and that we're not going to stop her is exactly what _will _stop her. She's not dumb. She's still Lily, even underneath the hissy fit. She knows this is bad for her. I'd be surprised if she did anything further, now. Just leave her alone until her tantrum dies out and, tomorrow, I expect you'll be receiving an apology from her.'

We stared at Sirius, shocked.

'What?'

'Sirius,' Mary said, suddenly. 'If I ever have bratty kids, could you come and sort them out for me?'

He laughed a little.

'Sure.'

'How do you know so much about this?' I breathed, still stunned.

He shrugged.

'Takes a brat, to know one. Also, I've had to deal with drug issues in a previous relationship,' he muttered.

We nodded, impressed.

'Wow… your kids will be angels,' Mary laughed. 'You had better have kids, Sirius. You'll make the best father.'

She then gave us a funny look, and pranced off to her bedroom.

'What was that look?' Sirius said, nodding after Mary.

I blushed.

'She doesn't believe we're 'just friends',' I sighed.

'Oh?'

'Hmmm.'

We sat in an awkward silence for a while, and then I decided I should probably offer Sirius something.

'Tea? Ice cream? I've got loads.'

He said no to tea, but that he'd have some ice cream. I then turned the television on and we watched Neighbours for a bit, before he left and said he had to go to bed early, as he had the breakfast shift tomorrow.

I think I must've looked miserable, because he gave me a hug before he left, and said not to worry, because Lily would be her usual self by tomorrow.

As soon as he left, Mary came out making kissing noises at me. I slapped her, but then she reminded me that we already had one 'housemate war' going on, and that it might be wise if we remained good friends while trying to straighten Lily out.

* * *

**July 23**

**Weight: 10 st 6 (better)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2500 (Lily's muffins are amazing)**

**Normal house-mates: 2 (v. good. Back to normal)**

**Ice cream: 3 (bad)**

**Responses from Helen Asteria re: article: 0 (why is she so cruel?)**

**Money: 7 galleons (won't survive the week at this rate)**

**.**

12 noon- Lunch break- Oh thank MERLIN. Sirius is a genius. It worked.

This morning, Mary and I woke up to see Lily- dressed in her usual preppy clothes- taking out a tray of freshly baked blueberry muffins.

She smiled at us sheepishly and put the muffins on the table.

'Um… do you want to sit?'

We sat at the table, and she poured the tea.

'I'm sorry,' she said quietly.

Mary and I both laughed and got up and hugged Lily tightly. Poor thing- she started crying and shaking terribly. So we moved the breakfast to my bed and ate the amazing muffins, while taking it in turns to hug Lily.

'I don't know what came over me,' she said sniffed. 'I think I was angry and upset about James and…'

We nodded sympathetically.

'I was a shit. I'm so sorry. I won't do any more pain potion. I threw out my little collection, and you can check my bag every day after work.'

We smiled, and said we would- just for the next few weeks- for her own good. We then tried to explain that while the pain potion scared us- because, while we tend to drink too much quite often, we generally are anti-drugs- it wasn't the fact that she was whoring that was wrong, but the fact that we knew she was doing it for the wrong reasons.

She nodded and said thank you and that she was lucky that we knew when to become AB's when necessary. We then made a pact that we will have 1 glass wine per night max during the week, and that we are allowed a little more on Friday and Sat nights because our drinking really is quite bad.

We are going to go do yoga together tonight, after work, to help cleanse our bodies of the terrible toxins.

Lily also said she's going to go drop off a cake at Sirius' house after work, to thank him for helping her to come to her senses- and to apologise for being so bratty to him.

.

8pm- Lovely evening. Work wasn't too busy, and then we went and did yoga and we're all feeling v zenful now. Lily then left to go apologise to Sirius and took AGES.

Am v suspicious of Lily. She's been giving me these very odd smiles, ever since returning. Apparently she and Sirius are best friends, now.

OH NO! IF SHE IS SHAGGING SIRIUS, AM BOOTING HER OUT OF THIS HOUSE!

Hmph.

.

9pm- Day off tomorrow! Thank MERLIN FOR THAT!

* * *

**July 24**

**Weight: 10 st 7 (worse)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2000 (not bad)**

**Ice cream: 0 (day off from ice cream)**

**Responses from Helen Asteria re: article: 1 (thank GOODNESS!)**

**Manicure/Pedicures: 1 **

**Rides on a motorcycle: 1 (horrific… but secretly quite exhilarating too)**

**Money: 11 galleons! (better!)**

**.**

10am- DAY OFF TODAY! Ahhh, working really makes me appreciate my days when I don't have work. Am going to start by getting a mani/pedi using the voucher mum gave me. I need it… ahhh.

.

11am- I feel like a person again! Just received a note from Sirius, telling me to come over. Oooh DAILY PROPHET MAIL!

.

11.11am- V. lucky time! Received a letter from Helen Asteria telling me my article will bein the DP on Friday, that it was very good, and that they want me to write on a weekly basis! She wants to meet up with me for lunch tomorrow to discuss. Yes! YES! YES!

.

11.20am- Oh goodness! I just thought of something… I'm going to be a published author! YESSSSSS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Am going to prance around the apartment squealing for a bit. Hehe.

.

11.30am- Um… yes… so Sirius just banged on my door, sounding v worried.

'Anna!' he gasped when he saw me. 'Are you okay?'

'Yes,' I said, confused. 'Why?'

'I heard screaming. I thought someone might've been murdering you.'

Yeah… I think I'll just go now… and internalise any future squeals of joy…

.

8pm- Oh my goodness. Sirius has bought this muggle contraption called a 'motorbike'. He wanted me to come over and see it.

Basically, it looks like a massively muscled-up bicycle. It has an engine on it, and it zooms like a crazy fast broom, without ever leaving the ground. Sirius says he will charm it to fly soon.

Bloody hell.

I was staring at it in shock, when he handed me a helmet, and a leather jacket.

'What's this for?' I said, confused.

'Do you want to try it out?'

Thinking it would be like a normal bicycle, I thought it'd be okay. I was a bit confused by the helmets and leather jackets, but put them on anyway.

'Okay, you sit on the back,' he instructed.

I did so, trying not to flash him as I did. Then, he got on and sat in front of me.

'You might want to hold onto me,' he laughed.

'How?'

'Around my waist?'

I blushed, and tentatively touched his waist. With a chuckle that kind of sounded too dark for me to feel good about what was happening, he revved the engine and.. the next thing I knew, I was clutching at him for dear life and screaming my head off as he zoomed down the street.

'STOP!' I screamed. 'STOP AT ONCE!'

But he either couldn't hear me over the engine, or chose to ignore it. When he finally pulled over, I was hoarse.

'You… wanker,' I gasped.

'Sorry?' he shouted. 'I'm a bit deaf! You were screaming in my ear for half the trip.'

'Only because I lost my voice for the other half,' I whispered angrily, lying down and making 'dirt angels' in the grass. 'Ahh I'm alive. Thank Merlin I'm alive. Ahhh.'

He sat down on the grass next to me and looked at me with a funny expression.

'Don't look at me,' I snapped. 'I can't believe you took me on that suicide ride.'

He laughed.

'Calm down. I know you secretly enjoyed it.'

'I certainly did not. If that's what it's like on the ground, I'd hate to think what it'll be like when you fix it to fly… and don't even THINK about taking me for a 'spin' once you have! I have a phobia of heights and flying, and have no intention of overcoming it!'

He ruffled my hair.

'Aw come on, Jones. Your brother's the star of the Jamaican team… actually, why Jamaica?'

'They pay him the best, apparently,' I said, rolling my eyes. 'And he likes the fact he can get away speaking in a really chavvy accent there.'

Sirius laughed.

'You two seem quite different.'

I shrugged.

'It's no secret I was an 'accident'. I guess my parents put all their efforts into the star child and, by the time I came along… well, they just let me do whatever. It's okay, I don't mind. I'm infamous enough for my liking.'

Sirius picked at the grass, his eyes tense.

'Do you miss him?' he asked quietly.

I sighed.

'Yeah… some times. I used to really look up to him when we were younger, but he never really had time for me. He was always off doing his own thing with his friends. I was kind of a nuisance to him.'

I laughed drily.

'Maybe _that's_ why he went to Jamaica? To get away from me?'

Sirius' face fell at this, and I wondered what I'd said that was so wrong.

'Did I say something wrong?'

Sirius tugged at his hair for a moment and shrugged.

'No. It's… I have a brother. A younger one.'

Then I realised why I'd upset him.

'Oh,' I said. 'Yeah… I know. I sort of met him at my mum's engagement party.'

'You did?' said Sirius quickly. 'Was he okay?'

I snorted.

'More than okay. No offence, but he was a bit of a shit.'

Sirius grinned.

'Okay… that makes me feel a bit better. I always felt kind of guilty for leaving him. That was the only thing that held me back from running away. We got along okay, when we were younger.'

'But?'

He shrugged and lit up a cigarette. I pursed my lips, but decided now wasn't the time to say anything.

'Well… when I went to school, he had a lot of 'mum' time. I remember coming back after first year. He was a right little shit and started spouting things about my being a blood-traitor.'

Sirius glowered and I patted his hand.

'That was your mum, not Regulus talking there.'

'Yeah,' Sirius snapped. 'But he still said it. I thought he and I got along better than that. I thought he'd be different too- like me.'

I sighed.

'It's hard to get along when you don't see each other much,' I said quietly. 'When you see each other every day, you can joke around and do silly things, and you get over it pretty quickly. If you haven't seen someone for a while, though, it gets on your nerves. You don't tolerate little things very well.'

Sirius shrugged.

'Well it seems like he's the same shit he was when I left home, so I guess I did the right thing.'

I raised my eyebrows.

'But…'

'What?' Sirius said shortly.

I gave him a look, and he threw up his hands.

'He begged me not to leave, that night I ran away. I can't fucking forget it. He was bloody crying, and saying he'll be nicer to me and that I shouldn't leave. That bugger put a knife through my heart, that day. I can't forgive myself for it.'

Sirius then gave a quick laugh and got up quickly.

'Let's go.'

I stared at him.

'Okay, I'll apparate you back, first. Here, give me…'

I withdrew my arm.

'I can apparate myself very well, thank you,' I said. 'Why are you trying to change the subject?'

Sirius lit up another cigarette.

'Because I don't bloody like talking about it, okay? I haven't told _anyone_ about that- not James, not Helen... no one.'

'And you regret telling me?'

He sighed.

'No, but I don't want to make a big conversation about it,' he said shortly. 'Are you coming or not?'

I continued to stare at him and, swearing, he drove off. At this point, I actually became a bit annoyed with him… but could, in a way, understand why he did it. We all know his family is a really touchy subject.

I decided to walk for a bit, before apparating home. But, the more I walked, the more pissed off I became with my own brother. At least Sirius feels some kind of remorse for abandoning me. Jamie, the turd, doesn't even care. He never writes to see how I'm going and, whenever I try writing to him, he never replies.

I was having a hissy fit of my own- kicking a tree on the path- when Sirius returned.

'Sorry,' he said sheepishly.

I looked from him, to the tree and shrugged.

'I wasn't angry at you. Well- I was- but I get why you wanted some space. I was just sort of … um… letting off some steam about Jamie. He bloody pisses me off!'

'Thanks,' Sirius said drily. 'You're making me feel much better about myself.'

'Oh come on,' I sighed. 'It's different between you and Regulus. With that git of a brother of mine… he won't ever even respond to my letters! I don't believe he's 'too busy' for that! Not even to say a fucking 'hey sis. Glad to hear you're okay!' But no… that'd be too much to fucking ask! Aghhh!'

I screamed and kicked the tree again, and Sirius started laughing at me.

'What?' I snapped. 'WHAT?'

'You. And I thought _I _was moody.'

'You are,' I snapped. 'Sometimes, Sirius, you can be a moody little git and it's bloody annoying. Yeah, I get you don't like discussing it- but we all know about your family anyway. You're not some hero by keeping it all bottled up.'

Sirius' lips twitched.

'Very blunt… but quite true, I suppose. And what about you? How much CAN you vent about your family? You never seem to stop!'

'You've MET them!' I glowered. 'They're fucking ridiculous. They've got no sense of propriety whatsoever. If you have a family like mine, the only perk is that you're allowed to vent as much as you like, no questions asked.'

Sirius merely looked at me and I slapped his arm.

'What was that for?'

'You piss me off sometimes.'

'Do I?' he grinned. 'Why?'

'Because you're… gah! I can't say why.'

He grinned, even more cheekily (and sexily).

'Can I guess?'

I crossed my arms, very fed up with my stupid hormones, and with Sirius, for wreaking such havoc upon them.

'No,' I snapped. 'Now take me home on your stupid bike.'

'You want to ride on it again?' Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

And then I realised why I was having a hissy fit. First, I experienced a horrible cramp, and then I felt it between my legs.

I'd just gotten my period.

Blushing, I pressed my legs together.

'Um… on second thoughts… I think I'll just go home myself.'

Sirius now became serious (hehe)

'I thought we were just joking?'

I blushed even harder.

'Oh yeah… we… uh… were. But, you see, I need to go home right this instant. It's just… I can't explain. So, I'm going to leave now. Nice seeing you again!'

Without another word to the very confused Sirius, I apparated away… only to find both Lily and Mary lying on my bed, groaning and sporting hot water bottles on their stomachs.

'Why are you all period-ing on my bed!' I exclaimed.

'We missed you,' Lily simpered. 'We wanted to be closer to you.'

And so I went and changed my knickers, put on my 'period gear' (ie tracksuit), got a hot water bottle of my own and joined my housemates.

'Why have we synced?' I snapped. "We never synced at school!'

'I think that's because the other girls at school were there to make it impossible. Now, it's just us three, here.'

We all groaned.

'What about that potion Madam Pomfrey used to give us to stop the cramps?' Mary groaned.

'Primrosia?' Lily sighed. 'It's expensive- 8 galleons a bottle.'

'WHO THE FUCK MAKES PERIOD RELIEVING MEDICINE 8 GALLEONS A POP?' I bellowed, outraged. 'HALF THE POPULATIONS HAS TO DEAL WITH PERIOD PAIN.'

'We could make our own,' Lily shrugged. 'But I'm too tired to right now.'

I got up, made Lily a coffee, and forced her to the kitchen.

'Work your Potion magic,' I ordered.

So now we're all waiting for the potion to set. It had better set quickly. Oh bloody hell, who's visiting us at a time like this?

.

11pm- Hmph. Was Sirius. Mary told him, kindly but firmly, that our apartment is now _ḥ__arīm _and neither he, nor any other males, are allowed to visit it for the next week. He caught sight of me walking past with a hot water bottle strapped to my stomach with a belt, and his eyes widened.

'Oh… right… explains a lot. I'll be off then.'

'Yes,' said Mary, tranquil and a bit high from Lily's period pain potion. 'I think that is best.'

And so we spent the rest of the evening listening to Lily's 'Tranquil Whale Sounds' record, and massaging each others backs. REALLY don't want to go back to work tomorrow.

* * *

**July 24**

**Weight: 10 st 8 (bloating from period)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2600 **

**Ice cream: 0 **

**Hot chocolates: Approx 20**

**Money: 10 galleons (apparently get my pay cheque for job on Thursday!)**

.**  
**

**9.40am- **Agh. Work. Don't want to. My tummy hurtssss

.

12 noon- Gah. Have to go have lunch with goddess Helen Asteria now. Why? I look terrible, in ice cream uniform. She wants to go to Waif restaurant too. It's so fancy. Agh.

.

8pm- Oh my giddy aunt. This has become much bigger than I ever expected it to be-

Helen tried not to laugh when she saw me. I thought I'd just be honest and told her, woman to woman, that it was my 'communist' time of the month and I knew I looked like shit, and was sorry for looking so crap for a meeting with my employer.

She laughed.

'Oh Anna,' she said. 'Don't worry, I wasn't expecting you to dress up.' (Hah! Easy for her to say while she's a wearing a Malkin Couture dress and her hair is glorious and shiny, and all the waiters are blushing all over her).

'Are you working?' she added, nodding at my uniform.

'Yeah, at Florean Fortescue's ice cream,' I sighed.

She brightened at this.

'Oh Florean! He's great.'

I tried not to glower at her. How does she know all these people?

'I used to work for Malkin, his wife. She's great- she's got an amazing mind for fashion. Actually, she helped me get my current position at the DP. I owe a lot to her.'

I stared at Helen. She _knows_ Malkin… and worked with her? Hmph. No wonder she wears Malkin Couture.

'Mmm,' said Helen quietly. 'I think she knew my mother. She doesn't really talk much about her though.'

'Oh,' I said quickly. 'Is your mother…'

'Dead? Yes. When I was born but… well, anyway. We haven't come to talk about this! We've come to discuss your future at the DP. Now, I showed my boss- Armand Jole- and he really liked your article. We've tweaked a few areas, but it was pretty spot on. He wants you to have a weekly column, every Friday, which will be more a Q & A column, than your writing on topics. How does that sound?'

'Good, I guess?' I laughed. 'Do I have any questions yet?'

'Well no,' said Helen practically. 'Your article hasn't been published yet, has it? Nonetheless, we've given you two of our own 'questions' to answer for next week's article. Hopefully, as you start building a fan base, you'll go through their questions and pick your two a week you really want to answer. We're going to call the your section 'Ask Anna'.'

I blinked.

'Fanbase?'

'Why, yes of course,' Helen Asteria laughed. 'You're going to be in the DP, Anna. Almost all witches and wizards in England- including the kids at Hogwarts- subscribe to it. It's inevitable people are going to read- and enjoy- your articles.'

I stared at her, finding it all a bit ridiculous.

'But I'm an idiot!' I exclaimed. 'Look at me! I don't deserve a _fanbase_, unless it's for the unintentional comedy I seem to provide people!'

Helen Asteria looked at me seriously.

'Anna, am I to understand you don't want this job? I assure you it's better than working at an ice creamery.'

I sighed.

'No, of course I want it. I just… it's just overwhelming, that's all.'

Helen smiled at me.

'I understand that- and congratulations. This is a big moment for you. Now… let's discuss the financial side of things.'

I perked up at this.

'Now, you received your 5 galleons for your trial article yesterday. Jole wants to really promote your column because he wants to make the DP more accessible to our younger readers. So, he wants to give you a desk at the DP Headquarters, with your own mailbox, and for you to attend the weekly staff meetings, every Monday morning at 9am.'

Great. My one day off from Florean.

She grinned.

'As for payment… you'll receive twenty galleons a week for now, but if we can get you to be a bi-weekly, working you up to a daily column, your pay would very well skyrocket to 100 galleons a week. And, if you're _really _a hit… it could be even more.'

I blinked.

'100 galleons?' I whispered. 'Are you joking?'

'No,' Helen said simply.

'For answering 2 questions a day?'

'Yes…'

I nearly cried.

Work had been SO bad this morning. Mary did squat all and, when we were busy, she'd sit there chatting away with one customer while I was left to do everything else. I was in a huge amount of pain and… basically, I wanted to kiss Helen for giving me such lovely news.

'How soon do you think I could be bumped up to a daily column?' I said eagerly.

She laughed.

'It'll take a few months, I suspect. I hope it'll be a hit. I think it's a great idea- and I think kids will like your style. It's not pretentious or 'journalistic'. It's just… honest, which is what people like. Anyway, but for now you'll be sitting on only 20 galleons. '

'That's amazing,' I gushed.

'Um… yes,' she said, giving me a strange smile. Hmm, I wonder how much _she_ makes… but, then again, she writes a lot of articles. They're actually kind of interesting…

ANYWAY! She gave me my two prescribed questions and told me to come in on Monday for the meeting- and for a tour around the DP. She also told me to 'dress appropriately', with a little wink.'

Then she picked up the bill and we went our separate ways.

I think I have a little girl-crush on her…

.

I'll look at the questions tomorrow. I have until Monday to hand them in anyway. For now, I think I'm just going to sleep. I'm avoiding Mary. She pissed me off at work, when I returned. She kept going to the toilet, leaving me to tidy up and do all the adding up.

Bloody hell. I want a weekly column right now. I think working with Mary was a mistake. If she's lazy again tomorrow, am going to say something.

* * *

**July 27**

**Weight: 10 st 6 (better)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2600 **

**Drinks: 6 (approx)**

**Jobs: 1**

**Jobs fired from: 1 (terrible)**

**Ice cream fights: 1**

**Money: 90 galleons (was paid yesterday!)**

**.**

7am- Agh. Didn't sleep well last night. Had a bit of an argument with Mary at work, yesterday. She was sitting there, chatting away to a good-looking young whippersnapper, while I was stuck serving quite a long line of geriatrics who had come on a 'field trip' to Diagon Alley.

'Excuse me,' I snapped, interrupting them. 'Mary, can you help out?'

She apologised to the guy, rolling her eyes at me.

'What the hell?' she hissed. 'That was so rude! It's important to have good customer service!'

'Is it?' I snapped. 'Half an hour's worth of service, while I sit here, churning customer after customer out? You did this to me again yesterday. You need to pull your weight more!'

Mary glared at me, threw down her scooper, and went back to the freezer. I haven't apologised because, frankly, I was right. There's only 2 of us, and she needs to pull her weight more.

But I know why she does it- it's because she always gets tips that way. But it's still unfair. We can't both sit there chatting to customers. Otherwise, we'd make no money!

She's not here. I think she went to Remus' place last night... probably to bitch about me. The bitch.

Ugggggh. I'm so pissed off. I wish I had a boyfriend to vent to. I hope Lily doesn't think I was angry at her. I was a bit short last night and went to bed early.

Ooh I think Lily's awake. Am going to go vent to her. I don't care if it's not right.

.

9.30am- Okay. Lily has calmed me down a bit. She says to go to work and be friendly. She thinks that, while I probably would have been better to pull Mary aside and tell her quietly my issues with her work ethic, my continuing to be snarky will only worsen the situation.

Okay. Am going to be poised and diplomatic about this. Though, admittedly, it is quite difficult to be poised when am wearing a ridiculous uniform like this one.

**.**

4pm- Oh Merlin. Mary & I are hopeless. We just got fired from our job. I don't know anyone who has _ever_ been fired from an ice creamery. Little kids could run one problem-free, for Circe's sake!

But Mary and I- two adult women, living away from home, no less- managed to achieve that seemingly impossible feat.

How?

Well. Mary arrived, ten minutes late, in a complete strop. Pissed off already, I snapped at her to 'snap out of it, and get on with working.'

Then, the bitch dropped a scoop of ice-cream on the ground when I wasn't looking, causing me to slip and hit my arse.

Furious, I got a scoop and put ice cream down her back. She screamed and, not bothering with the scoop, got a handful of ice cream and shoved it down my front.

We proceeded to pull each other's hair, chuck ice cream at each other, and claw at each other until Florean, who was working out back, came out and dragged us both into the staff-room and promptly proceeded to sack us, with no pay for that day.

As we walked home miserably, I couldn't help it. I just started laughing. It was so stupid that we had a food fight in our job… and yet somehow I don't think anyone would be surprised to hear I was involved in one. Then, Mary herself started laughing and we sighed and hugged each other and said we were sorry for being idiots. We ignored the stares we received at our ice-creamed selves as we walked down Diagon Alley, and back to our place. Even Rob backed away when he tried to catch me on my way up.

'Well,' said Mary as she pushed our level on the elevator. 'I guess you know his kryptonite- cover yourself in ice cream!'

We both laughed at this.

But that wasn't the only surprise we were to see. As soon as we walked in the door, we were met with the horrific sight of James and Lily shagging, on our lovely white couch. Mary and I both screamed, and ran right back outside.

I looked to her.

'Shall we go to mother's? I've been dreaming of her hot tub, lately.'

Mary agreed this was an excellent idea to wash away the horrors of our firing- and then walking in on Lily and James' reunion.

.

8pm- Well, I suppose at least the world is a better place… for now. Mary and I are no longer over-worked and stressed, so we love each other again. Mother is 'disappointed in me' for getting fired, but is pleased I'll be making a decent amount at the DP anyway.

Lily and James are apparently back on… but not engaged anymore. Lily says she wants to just be young and date him- and have crazy sex etc, without the pressures of married life just yet.

After forcing her to do an unbreakable vow to never have sex on our couch again, we agreed this was an excellent outcome to their previously quite sad break-up, and we have agreed to celebrate tonight, by going out. Yay!

P.S. Lily says she enjoyed sex. Who would've thought. I'm betting she'll be a nymphomaniac soon…

.

8.10pm- Aw fuck. That means I'm the only one in my house who isn't getting a regular shagging. This is SO unfair. Hmph. Maybe I'll meet a lovely reporter at the DP, who will end up being my soulmate.

I'm taking my lack of love-life as a very real career setback. How on earth am I meant to advise girls (or boys) on their love life etc, if I have no love life?

Gah. Hmm, I might discuss this with Sirius, tonight. We are having a group dinner, now that James and Lily are friendly again.

.

11pm- This is supremely disappointing. Sirius has work, and hence has not come... Which means I am surrounded by Smug Couples, who are too busy nuzzling at each other to notice that I have whipped out my diary and am currently writing this entry. Sod this. I'm leaving. I wonder if Sirius has finished work yet…?

.

11.10pm- Hmph. Am back at home… Oooh doorbell. Ding dong, who could this be? Maybe Sirius has come to finally shag me?

.

11.30pm- Hmph. Or maybe it was the guy from upstairs, who wanted to know if I've seen his pet owl. Apparently it's gone missing. Come to think of it, that guy was pretty cute… Hmmm….

.

11.45pm- Ugh. And gay. Just saw him snogging his boyfriend from the balcony. Just goes to confirm my theory that all the good ones are gay. Sod this. I'm going to bed.

.

12 midnight- Ahhhh! My prayers have been answered! Sirius arrived as I was getting changed into my pyjamas on the chance the group party was here. He says he is too tired to go out tonight anyway. We're just going to stay in and watch a movie. Love, love, love him!

* * *

**July 28**

**.**

10am- Agh! Just woke up feeling v stiff, and felt something v stiff poking into my leg…

And then my eyes flew open in horror as I realised this was Sirius' 'morning glory', and we both obviously fell asleep on the couch while watching the movie, last night. Apparently no one else has come home yet, as their beds are all empty. Sirius himself is still sleeping on the couch. Am thinking of whipping up some eggs for breakfast for us… but am not sure how to go about it. Hmm. Tricky. Very tricky.

Last night was v. funny. When Sirius asked me how work was, I couldn't lie. I told him about my ice cream fight and he fell off the couch, he was laughing so much.

'Jones,' he gasped in between laughs. 'Do you mean to tell me that you got FIRED from your job at an ice creamery?'

I rolled my eyes.

'Yes. I did. In my defence- so did Mary.'

He climbed back onto the couch.

'Ah that's just made my day. Jones… you realise that KIDS work at ice creameries.'

'I'm aware,' I said drily.

He chuckled to himself some more… and then I informed him that James and Lily were Jamily once again, and that they had finally consummated their relationship… on the couch.

He sprung off the couch, looking horrified.

'Don't worry,' I laughed. 'We've sterilised it thoroughly.'

He sat back down tentatively and sighed.

'I won't lie- I'm glad. James himself wasn't too happy while they were split up. He really does love her.'

'Yeah,' I sighed, wondering when someone might love ME.

So then we put the movie on and didn't talk very much. Was kind of nice. Sirius had his arm around my shoulder and I just rested my head on his shoulder and… must've fallen asleep at some point.

I KNOW to an outsider it must look like we've got something going on… but, trust me on this, if something WAS going on between Sirius and I, I would be the first to spread the news. It would be the greatest achievement of my life!

So now I'm here, staring at a box of eggs, with absolutely no idea what to do with them. Hmph. Maybe will just go out and buy some ready cooked eggs, and tell him I did them myself hehehehehe…

Or not. I think he's waking up now. Hm.

.

8pm- Where_ is_ everyone? Am starting to worry. So is Sirius, actually, which means something must be going on. Sirius has gone home to send an owl out to James, Lily, Remus and Mary. This is v. strange.

Forgetting them for a moment, have spent the ENTIRE day with Sirius and, aside from the horrid worrying now, the day has been lovely. Sometimes I wonder at why he spends all his free time with me or James. He'll never get a girlfriend that way. I think I prefer him single, anyway. Hmmm

So he woke up, and cooked us eggs himself- but showed me how to do it so I could cook them 'next time'. He is v. sexy in the kitchen, I must admit. Hmmm…. Shall keep that memory for my dreams, I think.

Anyway. So we had breakfast and it was so fun and he seemed to be very chirpy and happy which is good, because sometimes he can be sullen and (while he's possibly sexier when he's brooding) I prefer him when he's laughing. I don't know how to explain it… but seeing him with that spark in his eyes when he's truly happy, makes me happy.

I sometimes worry that Sirius is actually quite sad a lot of the time. Not wrist-cutting sad, or full-blown depressed, but I often get the impression he's not a happy soul. There's nothing I can exactly do or say to change that… but it's nice when he's really laughing and his eyes have that shine you get only when you're really joyful.

Or maybe I'm just reading into it too much. On a different note- I have to admit, he does make our kitchen are look _much _better.

Anyway, just as we were cleaning up from breakfast, I got a letter from my stupid git of a brother, Jamie-

.

Hey sis,

So mum and dad are getting married in 2 weeks. I don't know why you didn't reply to my other letter- maybe it didn't reach you? Anyway. I was just wondering if I could bunk at yours for the day of the wedding? I figure I'll probably be too pissed to apparate to a hotel room by myself.

Cheers,

Jamie

.

I scrunched it up and chucked it away.

'Who was that from?' Sirius asked.

'My stupid brother,' I said, shrugging. 'He wants to bunk over here on the day of the weddings.'

'And you… don't?'

'No! If he wants a favour, he can start by at least _pretending_ to care about how I'm doing or, even, _what_ I'm doing? He never even replied to my letters when I told him mum and dad were getting divorced!'

Sirius said nothing and put away the dishes for me.

'Thanks,' I said quietly. 'Hey, you're still coming with me to the weddings… right? I can't do them alone!'

Sirius smiled and tapped my nose.

'Sure.'

We stood in silence for a while, and then I looked around.

'Where the hell is everyone?'

He shrugged.

'Who knows. Want to go out? I'm so sick of being couped up. It looks pretty nice outside.'

I shrugged.

'Sure'.

'You know what would be more fun?' he grinned. 'We could go on a road trip.'

I looked at him suspiciously, knowing where this was headed.

'Right…'

'On my bike!'

'No.'

'Aw c'mon!'

I glared at him for a moment, but couldn't deny I rather enjoyed the bike, in the end.

'Okay fine,' I sighed.

'Really?' he said, sounding surprised.

'What? You don't want to now?'

Without another word, he grabbed my wrist and apparated us to his garage. A few minutes later, we were driving off…. Somewhere.

It kind of made me sad and happy at the same time. I was happy, because I was with Sirius, and that it was such a beautiful day and, for once, my life didn't seem to be going too disastrously.

But, it also made me sad in a way because we had no planned destination and, as we kept driving, I thought that was pretty much where my life is at at the moment. In this kind of limbo where I'm blindly doing odd jobs and filling my days with trips like these and parties at nights because I have no real life plan.

And while it's kind of beautiful, it's also kind of terrifying as well because when you don't know where your life's headed… you could end up anywhere. Just like our trip.

We could have ended up in a really seedy area, or some haunted forest. Similarly, we could have ended up in the most beautiful place that would be a little slice of forgotten or undiscovered heaven.

But I guess that's the risk you run when you have no definite plan. You could end up striking jackpot- or end up in some ditch, 6 feet under.

I didn't scream on the motorbike this time. I think I was so silent that Sirius pulled over after a while, just to check I was okay.

Unfortunately, all my philosophising had upset me, and I was a bit teary.

'Anna,' he said, concerned. 'What's wrong? You should've said you didn't want to the motorbike. I didn't realise…'

I laughed desperately, trying to wipe my eyes.

'No!' I said. 'I'm just being silly… thinking about things!'

'Is it your brother?'

'No!' I exclaimed. 'I'm an idiot. Let's just keep driving. I like it.'

"What's wrong?' he pressed.

I tugged at my hair, feeling stupid now.

'I was just… thinking about my life, and how our road trip could be a metaphor for it,' I said, blushing.

Seeing that my explanation was probably going to take a while, Sirius took his bike off the road and we sat down by it. I tried to explain it to him. I think, in a way, he understood and possibly felt it too, a bit.

He didn't say anything when I finished my explanation. Instead, he stood up and helped me up.

'Let's go.'

And so we continued to drive. We must've been on the road for hours. Then finally, as it was nearing sunset, I saw it-

It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen- a huge, open lake. The setting sun's rays played off it brilliantly and I couldn't help becoming teary as I saw it.

'Stop,' I shouted over the engine.

He pulled over again, and we got off and sat on the grass, by the lake. We didn't even need to talk. I think we're comfortable enough with each other now, that we're past all that. I think I'll forever remember that moment as being one of the best in my life. It wasn't romantic, or even that happy.

But it was beautiful and, after all the stupidity in my life, it was nice to finally be rewarded with a real moment.

Eventually, Sirius nudged me.

'I think it would be safe for you to Divinate from this particular omen that your life is headed in a good place, Anna Jones.'

I smiled at him, and nudged him back.

'Same for you.'

He nodded.

'Yeah… so let's enjoy the journey, eh?'

We sat there for a bit longer, before going back to the bike and apparating home because, really, it wasn't very safe to drive for several hours in the dark.

When I arrived home, however, Mary and Lily still seemed to be out, so I sheepishly went back to Sirius' place.

'Can't get enough of me, can you?' he grinned as he saw me.

'Nice try,' I said. 'It's Mary and Lily. They're still not home. I'm a bit worried.'

So here I am, waiting here- still- for them to show up. Sirius said I shouldn't leave home in case they turn up. Gah. Not all unknowns are good…

.

11pm- Those idiotic girls. Apparently they crept into the apartment last night to see me lying there with Sirius, and decided they'd stay away from home all day today to 'encourage something to happen between Sirius and I.'

Am currently not speaking to either of them. Though… I probably would never have gone on that road trip had they been home. Hmm…

Okay, so secretly, I'm thanking them… but I won't give them the satisfaction of thinking that I am condoning their 'matchmaking' attempts.

Also, am annoyed because they think I'm 'hopeless'. They don't understand how I can sleep in the same bed as Sirius numerous times and spend entire days with him, without it ending up in some shagging, or at least snogging.

Well! I don't know where _their _morals have gone.

.

11.11pm- Who am I to talk about morals, after Daniel and Rob. Oh dear, both my previous sexual partners have been shockers. I really ought to add some good ones to my list…

.

11.30pm- I don't care! Am going to have a shower, and go to bed… and dream about that place I went to ith Sirius. I think that will be my new happy place.

* * *

**I think the most life-changing moment I've ever had was having a (very good looking) Irish doctor tell me 'Life's about the journey, not the destination. You have to enjoy every part of it.' I happened to be an in-patient at the time for not too wonderful reasons, so that bit of wisdom I'd heard many times before, finally really hit home that day.**

**I recommend looking at life from that perspective. **

**Next chapter-**

'_Remus is going to help us organise our finances as, obviously, our current system isn't working.'_

AND

_Can I just say one thing about my boss right now- he is FIT! I never knew a hook nose could be so attractive…'_

AND

'_Oh fuck! Our NEWT results have arrived. EEK!'_

**Lots of love,**

**Anya**_  
_


	28. Chapter 28: August 1 to 6

**July 29**

**Weight: 10 st 8 (gah)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 3200 (appalling) **

**Drinks: 7 (party)**

**Hours spent glaring at Sirius: 2 (approx- v. good!)**

**NEWTs- **

**Jobs: 1 **

**Happy place: Shattered**

**Probability of ever being in love ever again: slim**

**Money: 80 galleons (v. bad)**

* * *

10am- Did Sirius say something about my life heading in a good direction?

WELL HE WAS WRONG!

OUR FUCKING NEWT RESULTS JUST ARRIVED.

I REFUSE TO OPEN THE LETTER.

I REFUSE.

.

11am- Still refusing. Why is it staring at me? Evil envelope. Inside, Mary and Remus are all excited about their 'excellent results' of 'E's' all around, except for Remus' Outstandings in DADA and Transfiguration, and Mary's 'Outstanding' in History of Magic. Don't know how she managed that. We weren't exactly sober or sane during that exam.

Lily is upset she didn't get an 'Outstanding' in History of Magic, but got Outstandings in everything else, except for Transfiguration, which she also got an E for.

.

11.10am- I don't want to know… maybe if I open the letter at 11.11 lucky time, my results will magically become better? Hmm….

.

11.11am- Gahhhh! WHAT! HANG ON… OH MERLIN! ARE THESE MY RESULTS? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I AM A SECRET GENIUS!

Here they are:

**Defence Against the Dark Arts: Acceptable (v. good given circumstances)**

**Charms: Exceeds Expectations (thanks to Lily)**

**Transfiguration: Exceeds Expectations (love Sirius! Take THAT Minnie)**

**History of Magic: Outstanding (hahahahaahaha! YES!)**

**Potions: Exceeds Expectations (- thanks to Sluggie- might send him some 'sugar-free' iced pineapple as a thankyou)**

**Divination: Outstanding (excellent)**

**.**

I GOT TWO OUTSTANDINGS! Am going to apparate to parents' respective houses, to congratulate them on having such a genius for a daughter. With the amount of study I did, those results are bloody brilliant! I'm so happy!

.

1pm- Hmph. Shirley forced me to lunch with her and dad. Dad seemed really proud of me, but Shirley interrupted his 'I'm proud of you, Anna,' speech, with gabble about her stupid wedding.

Once I finally escaped, went to mother's. She seemed quite pleased, and gave me her mother's pearl earrings as a 'congratulatory' present. Mmm, I always loved those earrings and, I must say, they look veeery nice on me!

I'm so happy. We are all celebrating today. No work, no worries about futures because our excellent results mean our futures should be going in a v. good direction!

.

2pm- Apparently Sirius is working. Hmph.

.

12 midnight- Am furious. Sirius finally joined our party at Witchy Business post-work. Instead of congratulating me on my genius- or even allowing me to thank him for being a genius teacher- he downed several drinks in one go, and went off with some floozy who happened to be standing next to him at the time.

She wasn't even pretty. What the hell? I don't understand him. One minute he says he's 'done with all that'… and the next, he's snogging some blonde bimbo in a dark corner of a club.

Hmph. Am home now, and am going to sleep, v pissed off.

NOTE TO SELF: Find someone realistic to love, and take the advice I advocated in my DP article…

OH MERLIN! MY DP ARTICLE! IT CAME OUT YESTERDAY AND I TOTALLY FORGOT!

.

12.30am- Have fished through the rubbish to lift up a sopping- and disgusting- DP from Friday. Will just ask Helen Asteria on Monday if they kept any from Friday.

I can't believe my article came out, and I completely forgot about it! Who does that? Arghhhh.

Life is not in a good place, at this moment.

.

3am- Can't bloody sleep. Am too pissed off at Sirius. Even though he did nothing wrong, and I myself have shagged Rob twice in the past few weeks, his snogging that vapid blonde little skank has highly pissed me off. Hmph.

* * *

.

**July 30**

**Weight: 10 st 7 **

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 1000 (excellent) **

**Jobs: 1 **

**Hours spent shopping: 8**

**Money: 10 galleons (shocking!)**

**.**

9am- Am consoling myself with a huge shopping spree. Am tired, and still very pissed off. Maybe my lack of love is due to sloppy clothes?

.

5pm- Am sitting on bed, surrounded by shopping bags. What have I done?

NOTE TO SELF: NEVER shop when pissed off, ever again.

I have 10 galleons left. TEN BLOODY GALLEONS TO LAST ME THE WEEK!

Fuck. Seems am not a genius, after all.

.

6pm- Oh dear. I haven't written my responses yet. Am not exactly feeling very happy at the moment, to offer good advice. I think I'll ask the girls for their opinions on the questions too.

.

7pm- Right. We've had a lengthy discussion about the two questions. Here they are:

1/

Dear Anna,

I'm 16, and I've never had a boyfriend. Sometimes I think I'm just invisible to boys. No matter how nice I am, or how many male friends I have, no one seems to like me. All my girlfriends have boyfriends.

I don't think I'm pretty, but I don't think I'm that ugly either. As far as I can tell, I don't smell terrible and it's not as though I've got hair in unsightly places or anything.

Will I ever find love, or am I just a lost cause?

Please help,

Jill

**.**

(I could've cried when I read the first question. Story of my life. Lily and Mary were quite helpful with this one. Basically, we just said that she's still young and that many wonderful and attractive girls at 16 are still single… and that she should not worry about boys loving her, but should focus on her own self-confidence and putting herself out there, as often as she can to maximise her chances of striking gold).

.

2/

Dear Anna,

I'm 14, and I'm really shy. I don't have many friends at school. It's not that they're mean… it's just that I'm too shy to approach people in class, and talk to them.

What can I do to be more sociable?

Thanks,

Eleanor.

.

The second question was much easier. Basically, I just explained that most people are nice and that if she simply starts by introducing herself, they will help her along with the rest… and that, of course, sociability takes practise.

.

I have to say, this job isn't too hard! And it's quite enjoyable. Mmm… I kind of feel like answering more questions now! I wonder if I'll have any questions for me, when I go to work tomorrow?

Oooh must organise my outfit for tomorrow. Have lots of new work-appropriate clothes now, thanks to splurgacious shopping trip…

Agh. I'm hungry. But I have no money for food. Maybe will just have some toast. Yes, that sounds good…

.

1am- Eek! I'm so nervous. Can't sleep… I hope I do well, tomorrow!

* * *

**August 1**

**Weight: 10 st 7 **

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 1000 (excellent) **

**Jobs: 1 **

**Money: 9 galleons (v. frightening, given I get paid in 2 weeks time)**

**.**

8am- Okay. Am going for a 'sexy secretary' look. Have a chiffon blouse with pussybow tie, and high-waisted, tight black skirt that ends at my knee. Am wearing lovely new patent black heels and slimming, scary granny-pants to suck stomach fat in.

What to do with my hair? Hmm…. Up or down? I think I'll wear it down?

.

8.10am- Just flicked through Witch Weekly, and all their 'secretary look-guides' say for hair to be up. Am putting hair up in a chignon. Mmmm… tricky.

.

8.20am- Hair is up! Am better at styling hair than Lily, thank goodness. What am I forgetting…? Nothing. Handbag (also new- but v. lovely and made from gorgeously soft dragon-hide in lovely tan colour) was organised last night…

Okay. Will put blazer on and head off! EEK! I can't believe this! Have a proper, fancy and official job at the DP! This is so exciting!

.

8.40am- Am here. Everyone is so mature and professional. Am having a cappuccino at the café downstairs to make me alert for staff meeting. I'm so nervous!

.

8.55am- Hmph. Am sititng in meeting-room now, next to Helen Asteria who is looking stunning and gorgeous as per usual. Don't know why or how I ever expected Sirius to even consider shagging me after he was with her for so long. I know _I _would feel like my standards had dropped dramatically if I'd gone from her, to me.

Anyway. Was v embarrassing. Saw Helen Asteria walking in at around 8.45, so downed cappuccino and went to say hi, thinking that if I stuck with her today, would be safe.

She was chatting on something she calls a 'phone' to some muggle president so told me to 'sh'. Then she did a double take and her lips twitched a bit. I frowned, wondering what was so strange about my appearance. Still talking to the muggle president, she touch out a tissue from her bag and stuck it on my mouth.

I had a fucking cappuccino stain. WHY AM I SO EMBARRASSING?

She's still talking to him now. She sounds so official and professional. It's quite intimidating. I don't even understand half the things she's saying.

It's so unfair- how come she's both gorgeous AND smart?

Okay, everyone's piling in now. Am ready to concentrate.

.

1pm- My desk, lunch break.

FUUUUUUCK. I am a so ridiculous. At the end of the meeting, Armand Jole- editor in chief of the DP- asked for me to stay behind. Helen Asteria stayed back too.

'Hello Anna. I want to formally introduce myself- I'm Armand Jole, editor in chief of the Daily Prophet,' he said in his sexy, throaty French accent.

Can I just say one thing about my boss right now- he is FIT! I never knew a hook nose could be so attractive…

Anyway. After saying he liked my article and that we'd received a few letters already (amazing! I can't believe it), he asked me for my responses to the questions they'd given me.

I rummaged through new bag, only to realise I'd fucking left them at home.

Mortified, I thought they must've been in my old bag. Helen Asteria looked a little terrified for me at this point-

'Happens to the best of us,' she interjected quickly. 'It won't take her long to apparate home and get it, surely,' she said giving me a meaningful look.

I got up quickly and apparated home as quickly as I could.

BUT THEN IT WASN'T IN MY OLD BAG!

After swearing and running about my room, making a mess, Lily appeared at the door.

'Anna! What are you doing home early?'

'LILY!' I gasped. 'Have you seen my responses?'

'Oh yes- I put it on the mantelpiece for you. I took the liberty of putting it in a nice clear folder so it'd look a bit more professional.'

Muttering thanks, I snatched it and returned to the DP. Helen Asteria was pacing outside the meeting room.

'What took you so long?' she hissed. 'Did you forget to answer them?'

'I'm sorry!' I cringed. 'My housemate tidied up last night and I couldn't find it.'

'Didn't think of summoning it?' she snapped.

I realised what an idiot I was. Thankfully, Jole seemed to be busy on the 'phone' at that moment anyway.

'You're lucky he received an important call as soon as you left,' she whispered to me. 'Otherwise, you'd already have been sacked. Please don't do that to me again. I have enough stress in my life than to worry about the stability of your job!'

'I'm sorry!' I whispered, truly mortified.

She sighed.

'It's okay- first day jitters. You'll soon get the hang of things. Okay, he's wrapping up now…'

He hung up the 'phone' and looked to my articles.

'Ah you have them. Good. I'll need you to come in again on Thursday and we'll discuss any changes you may need to make. Helen, give them to Julie to proof-read in the meantime. That girl doesn't work hard enough.'

He muttered some other instructions to Helen, and then shook my hand and left.

'God, I hate that man,' Helen muttered as she struggled to carry a massive pile of folders.'

'Here, let me help,' I said, taking some from her. I followed her to her office, which was actually very nice and spacious.

'I had to put enlargement charms on it,' she muttered, flicking her hand at the folders. Somehow, they all arranged themselves.

'How did you do that… without a wand?' I gasped.

'It's a long story,' she said drily. 'One that I hope Sirius might still keep to himself.'

She went about arranging things for a bit more, before sighing and slumping down in her large, leather chair. She motioned for me to sit too.

'I hate this job. I'm an editor and journalist- not his bloody PA!'

I flinched a little as she flicked her hand and the door shut with a bang.

'How was your wedding?' I asked, noticing the frame on her desk.

Helen shrugged.

'The wedding itself was fine. As for now… I practically live here and, when I'm not here, I'm off doing some report. It's not exactly conducive for marital relations.'

'I thought you were going to France?'

'Oh, I live there,' she said, pouring out coffee. 'Theo works there as a Healer. But with his crazy hours and my crazy hours… I think the last time I saw him for longer than a quick 'hello' was a few weeks ago.'

She sighed, and then laughed to herself.

'Sorry. Look at me- unloading all this on you. I guess that's why I thought you'd be great for the job. You never know- I may just end up sending you a letter to your 'Ask Anna' box…'

She trailed off, downed her coffee, and then stood up.

'_Allez._ Let's give you a tour of the place. Oh, and before we do…'

She trailed off and put a silencing charm on the door.

'I don't want to take this the wrong way, but don't get involved with Jole. He always fires girls he sleeps with and…well… he's an arsehole.'

I blinked, surprised.

'Really?'

She nodded.

'Don't be sucked in by his 'French charm'. If you're desperate to meet a charming French man, come to Paris with me one Saturday night and I'll introduce you to plenty of them. But Jole- let me tell you- he's relentless. He's a pathological creep. You'll notice I always wear very unrevealing clothes to work. I suggest you do the same- not that what you're wearing now is revealing. He has no issues with blatantly staring down a girl's top. If he pats you on the arse, don't take it… and don't let him blackmail you into sleeping with him either. He's done that to a few girls here.'

I gulped, thinking I'd walked into some kind of rape dungeon. Helen laughed at my expression.

'Don't worry, you won't have to deal with him that much. I'm just saying this now, so you're aware. I don't want you to have to go through 'Daniel, the Sequel' over here.'

I looked down, my cheeks burning.

'So how's Sirius?' asked Helen casually, as we started our tour.

'He's fine,' I shrugged.

Then I remembered his behaviour with that blonde, and felt a little pissed off again.

'Are you two…'

'Friends,' I said firmly. 'Just friends.'

'Oh,' she said, sounding a little disappointed. 'Does he have a girlfriend now?'

'You didn't give me this job just to keep tabs on him, did you?' I wondered, before I could stop myself.

She laughed.

'Goodness, no! But I thought I'd ask all the same.'

'Yeah, well, he's fine,' I shrugged. 'Nothing new.'

'Do you have a boyfriend?' Helen asked, as we went down to the copy room. There, I saw a copy of Friday's DP, and quickly snatched it up.

'Nope,' I said. 'I wouldn't say a stalker that's come out of a one-night stand counts.'

Helen laughed.

'Oh dear….'

'But at least now I see what you mean about Daniel,' I laughed. 'He was _terrible_!'

Helen screwed up her nose.

'He was, wasn't he? I think we'd be doing the world a favour if we arranged for him to be castrated.'

We walked past Jole's office, and saw him patting a girl's arse as he came out and walked past her. Helen gave me a pointed look. I have to say, I'm really glad I have her here. Honestly, I probably would've fallen for his French charm, and authority…

We then came to my desk.

'I know it's not an office,' said Helen. 'But if you're only here one to two days a week, it's not exactly practical for you to have one. This first drawer contains your mail- here is the key- don't lose it! The second has parchment and a typewriter and… that's about it! If you need any more parchment or ink, just go down to the copy room and one of the guys there will sort you out.'

She rubbed her eyes for a moment, and then yawned.

'Sorry… not much sleep, too much caffeine. Right. You can organise yourself, but I suggest that you sort through your mail on Monday mornings after the meeting, and then answer the questions in the afternoon. There's a maximum of two per week to be published, but answer at least five, and us editors will pick the ones we think are best.'

She took another sip of coffee.

'On Thursdays, you'll need to come in for a half-day. We'll give you notes on your responses. If you agree, then that's great. If you don't, then you've got half an hour to sort it out with your editor. It probably won't be me. As Jole said, Julie will probably be your editor. Her office is next to mine. After lunch- which is from 1 to 1.30- drop in and say hi. I'd introduce you now, except she's in a meeting.'

I wasn't sure if I was relieved or sad to hear that Helen wouldn't be my editor. I think it's a good thing- I'm not sure I'd ever want to disagree with her.

'Okay… any questions?' she said.

I shook my head. She smiled at me, and touched my arm.

'Good luck. Any questions, ask either Julie or me. She's lovely, you'll like her.'

With a final encouraging smile, Helen walked off.

A few desks away, she stopped and snapped at some reporter for not having finished his article yet. She sounded pretty pissed off. Then again, after everything she said, I don't blame her. She sounds like she's under a lot of pressure at the moment.

'Oi!'

I turned to see the guy from the cubicle next to me had wheeled over to my station.

'Hi,' I smiled. 'I'm Anna Jones.'

'Ben Connolly,' he said, shaking my hand. 'Just a warning- don't piss Asteria off. She'll kill you.'

'She's nice,' I said, trying to stick up for her.

He snorted.

'Sure… At first, when she came, we all thought she'd be a piece of cake. But she's not. She's a control freak, and she'll sack you if you really piss her off.'

'John Waters,' said another, shaking my hand. 'Yeah… and you have to wonder at how she managed her position so quickly. I reckon she's shagging Jole.'

Ben rolled his eyes at John.

'Took you long enough to realise!'

'She isn't!' I exclaimed, becoming annoyed on Helen's behalf. 'She warned me about him.'

John grinned.

'And why do you think that is?'

I crossed my arms. Yes, she may have philandered in the past, but I honestly don't believe she's sleeping with Jole. It disgusted me to think that those men in the desks thought that'd be her only reason for being promoted.

'Maybe her articles were just really good,' I snapped. 'Ever think of that? She won an award in her first few months, didn't she?'

Ben rolled his eyes.

'Yeah… not hard, given it was an all-male jury.'

'Excuse me,' I said primly, turning away from them. 'I have to work.'

Aghhh. Why are men so annoying? I've never been a staunch feminist- or a feminist of any real kind, really- but am now considering joining a feminist group. I'm sick of these double standards.

If a MAN had worked his way up as Helen has, they wouldn't question it. But because she doesn't have a bloody penis, she must have SLEPT her way to the top.

I think I know why they 'hate her', though. She probably refused all of them. Don't blame her- they're both in their late thirties, with pot bellies and double chins. NO THANKS!

Anyway. I can't believe it, but I actually got a few letters- 8, to be exact! This one, really made me smile-

_Dear Anna,_

_I don't have a question, really, but I just wanted to thank you for your article. I liked it so much that I cut it out and stuck it on the front of my diary, to remind myself not to get too down when I realise 'he's never going to love me.'_

_I'm 17, and have never been kissed or had a boyfriend, so it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who goes through unrequited love. But I don't believe that good looking people go through it. The best looking boy in my year always seems to have a girlfriend, and she's always stunning. Sometimes I wish he'd consider me, but I guess that's- as you said- just a fantasy. _

_Anyway. Thanks for giving me hope. I hope, maybe one day, someone will notice me. That would be nice._

_I look forward to reading your future articles._

_Regards,_

_Jemma_

_._

I think I'm going to send Jemma a personal response. Obviously it won't get published, but I really appreciated her letter.

After that, will go introduce myself to Julie!

.

6pm- Home. I can't help it. I keep smiling. Work was so nice today! I really love this. I think I'd love it, even without the pay. It's so nice to be part of something official.

I think I felt really lost since leaving school. Working at the DP makes me feel like my life has some kind of direction, though. It was actually really v inspiring- to meet Julie, and then see Helen Asteria and how well she's done.

Come to think of it, aside from Jole, all the higher-up editors and reporters are female. Go girl power!

Hmmm. I wish I could go to work tomorrow again! But instead, I have to try finding another job. I don't know how any other job could ever compare… but, unfortunately, I have a grand total of 8 galleons in my purse, and need money desperately if I'm to survive until next week's DP pay day.

.

8pm- I have too much energy to just stay home. Hmph. Lily is still at work, though, and Mary has gone out with Remus. Oooh Lily's home!

.

10pm- That was depressing. A patient died at the clinic. Lily is distraught. She says she now wants to marry James again, as life is transient and we can die at any time.

She then told me I need to tell Sirius I love him because life is too short.

Somehow, after his antics with that blonde, I don't think I'll be doing that. Hmm…. Rob's starting to look quite good right now.

.

10.10pm- No! No! Hmph. Lily has gone to see James. Hopefully not to elope, as I'm sure she'll regret it tomorrow. Maybe I'll take Helen Asteria up on her offer of introducing me to some handsome French men. Somehow, I don't think she's going to be going out on a Saturday night for a while, for that to be possible.

.

10.30pm- Hmph. Just remembered am meant to be taking Sirius to parents' wedding. Not sure I want to anymore.

WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO OFF WITH HER? DID OUR TRIP THE OTHER DAY MEAN NOTHING?

.

10.40pm- Have to keep reminding self that am not in the same league as Helen Asteria, and should never expect Sirius to be remotely attracted to him.

I'm afraid am well and truly in the 'sister zone'.

Fuck. This is depressing.

.

11pm- I think I'll reply to Jamie. He can stay over. While he is a prat, I don't think it's right for me to be a prat back. Just read an article in Witch Weekly on forgiveness.

Will be forgiving, and all-loving to everyone… including Sirius.

* * *

**August 2**

**Weight: 10 st 6 (better)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: Lost count **

**Drinks: Countless**

**Uni: 0**

**Jobs: 1 **

**Money: 5 galleons (am going to starve)**

.

9am- Ugh. Have received a note from Shirley, saying that today is the final day for me to go get my dress fitted. Is supposed to happen at 11.

THANKS FOR THE NOTICE, SHIRLEY.

Don't want to go.

.

10am- But I have to. Hmph, why is the house empty? Lily is probably with James, as she's working evening shifts this week. Mary is probably still with Remus. Hmm… I have nothing to do! Should hand out resume, really. But how can I go from working at DP, to some shitty café?

Maybe I can also work for Witch Weekly? Ahhh that would be amazing!

.

10.30am- Oh my goodness… just received a package from the College of Psychology. OH MERLIN! THEY'RE GOING TO TELL ME IF I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED.

.

10.50am- Am numb. My application was denied.

FUCKING DENIED.

Because I forgot to send in the application fee. WHYYYYYYYY?

Oh Merlin. Am going to down that bottle of Vodka. And fuck, have to go to Shirley's fitting. Gah. I just want to cry. Am going to cry. Am crying now…

.

1pm- In my wardrobe, hyperventilating. Surely I can get some kind of late application? Fuck, I don't even have 10 galleons for the application fee. Will go talk to Mum. Am desperate. I can't not go to uni. I can't be the only one in our group without something to do, five days a week. Oh crap, oh crap…

.

4pm- Have now self in locked wardrobe, trying to avoid everyone. They've all been accepted- Mary to Law, Remus to Education, Lily to Healing, James and Sirius to Auror training, Peter got his second preference of Accounting.

AND I AM ENROLLED IN NOTHING.

They're all celebrating in our living room. I can't face them. I said I needed to get changed.

Shirley was horrid. I can't even bring myself to care that she's somehow managed to find the same wedding dress as mum, or that my bridesmaid's dress for her wedding is exactly the same as mum's, except in lilac instead of gold.

Mum was out, and didn't want to ask Julio for money. Even dad wasn't at home or at his office. I can't… I can't…

* * *

**August 3**

**Weight: 10 st 5 (post-alcoholic-poisoning)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 500 (too hungover, but v. good) **

**Drinks: 0 (better)**

**Uni: 1 (love my father)**

**Jobs: 1 **

**Money: 25 galleons (again, love dad)**

**.**

8pm- I need to learn to stop relying on parents…. but am nonetheless VERY thankful for their presence in my life.

This morning, after puking out entire contents of stomach (and a little extra, I suspect), tidied self up and went to see dad at work. As soon as he saw my face, I think he knew something was up, because he left his business meeting straight away.

I broke down as soon as we entered his office and then I told him what had happened. He hugged me, and asked for the admissions office's address.

Five minutes later- looking quite flushed, like he'd just done a bit of arguing- he came back and gave me my 'admissions package', and hugged me and congratulated me on my acceptance into 'Pscyhology' at the London Wizarding University.

I cried even harder at that, and hugged him and told him I loved him and was sorry for being such a terrible daughter. He then said he'd take the morning off to spend time with me, and then took me out for a lovely lunch.

He then showed me how he keeps the clipping of my DP article in his wallet, to show off to everyone. I nearly cried again. Jamie is always in the DP, but dad had _my_ crappy little article in his wallet.

I love my dad.

And then he gave me 20 galleons to 'sort me out' till next week's pay day. I miss having time alone with dad. Was v nice to catch up- and have him sort out my life for me.

Okay. Am v happy now… last night was a disaster. I was a total wreck, and wouldn't let anyone into my wardrobe. The others left, and Sirius tried to talk to me, but I was really horrid and shouted at him to 'piss off' (! Am such a terrible child!)

He then went quiet, and said that maybe I just needed some time alone, but that it wasn't the end of the world, and that he was there for me if I needed to talk.

Hmm… may go visit him to apologise.

.

11pm- Hmph. Some girl was there. She answered the door too. I always knew this day would come! GAHHH. It was so horrible!

'Hello?' she snapped at me, not even properly opening the door.

My face fell.

'Oh… hi… I guess Sirius' busy. Umm….'

We stared at each other for a moment. Then, Sirius appeared.

'Who is it?'

He looked a bit uncomfortable when he saw me.

'Hey Anna,' he said. 'This is uh… Polly. We work together.'

The girl grimaced at me, and I think I was too depressed to smile.

'Oh.. hi. Nice to meet you. I'll come back some other time…'

'Can you give us a sec?' Sirius said to Polly.

She shrugged and went back inside.

'Sorry,' I gushed. 'It was wrong of me to assume…'

'What's up?' he said, deflecting my babble.

'Oh… nothing really. I just wanted to apologise for yesterday.'

'How are you?' he said, looking- at least- genuinely concerned.

'Oh fine, fine,' I said airly. 'Dad fixed it all up for me.'

Sirius grinned. Damn. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO ACHINGLY BEAUTIFUL?

'That's great!' he said. 'How about we celebrate tomorrow night? I finish my shift at 10.'

I stiffened. I couldn't help it.

'Won't you be busy with…uh… Polly?' I said stiffly.

'Course not! I'll drop by yours and we'll go out! You still owe me a beer, remember! Or have you spent all your money?'

'No,' I sighed. 'Dad gave me a bit,' I muttered.

Sirius chuckled.

'See- I told you he loves you. Look, I'd better get back to Polly, but I'll see you tomorrow.'

He went off, and I couldn't help it. I just stood there and stared at the house like an idiot, until I realised that I looked crazy, and needed to apparate away pronto.

Fucking hell. Polly's not even _that_ good looking. If he were with some Helen Asteria-type goddess, I'd accept it…

But she's not. It's so unfair. What does he see in her? She didn't even seem that nice!

Aghhh I have to go into the DP tomorrow. Okay, will think of that. DP is my new 'happy place'.

* * *

**August 4 **

**Weight: 10 st 4 (excellent! Skirt is less tight and, therefore, less slutty)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 800 (too depressed, and stressed) **

**Drinks: ½ (too depressed to even drink)**

**Uni: 1 (still excellent)**

**Jobs: 1 (not so nice anymore)**

**Lectures from Remus Lupin: 1**

**Money: 15 galleons (went stress-shopping on way home, and bought a dress for tonight)**

**.**

1pm- DP is NOT my 'happy place'. While Julie is nice, she totally reworked my responses, and said that it was not 'young adult' appropriate, to mention snogging, shagging or drinking in my writing.

HAS SHE LIVED UNDER A ROCK ALL HER LIFE? DID SHE NEVER GO TO HOGWARTS? THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS EVERY TIME YOUR HOUSE WINS A QUIDDITCH MATCH!

Gah. So annoying. I want to take this matter up with Helen Asteria, but she seems to be having a bad day (she screamed at someone in her office and, I suspect, fired them).

So I may leave her alone for now.

BUT GRRRR. Why can't I be honest in the advice I give? I thought that was the point- not to be delicate or sugar-coat reality. Hmph.

On a positive note, have received quite a few letters since Monday. 11, to be exact.

I feel bad that only 2 of these people are going to get responses. They are all writing to me, some with no one else to talk to, asking for help. I feel it is my duty as a human being to help them (thankfully won't have to censor THOSE responses har har take THAT Julie).

Okay, am going to stay back for a bit and write back to all the letters I received, seeing as they won't make the final cut which comes out TOMORROW!

NOTE TO SELF: REMEMBER NOT TO AUTOMATICALLY CHUCK AWAY DP TOMORROW, FOR WITCH WEEKLY!

.

2pm- Hah. Like job better now. Helen Asteria just dropped by Julie's office to check on how we're doing, and snapped at Julie that my original responses were better- and that 'we aren't Witch Weekly, pussyfooting around real problems.'

Hehe. I think I must be the only person in this office to love Helen Asteria.

.

3pm- Just sent off responses, my article has been sent to the printers, and am DONE!

.

3.10pm- Or not. Helen Asteria wants to see me.

.

6pm- Agh! Home! That was quite emotionally draining.

Helen Asteria, despite her beauty and brains, has serious issues. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I feel sorry for her-

I knocked on her door, and I heard sniffing from her room, and then a quiet 'Come in'.

She forced a smile when she saw me.

'Oh hello Anna,' she said. 'Come in, come in.'

I sat down, hoping she wasn't about to scream at me too.

'Excellent job on your first week. How've you been finding it?'

'Good,' I said honestly. 'Thanks for sticking up for me earlier, by the way. It was hard for me to disagree with Julie.'

'Oh… Julie,' said Helen, her nose twitching again.

She quickly swallowed.

'Yes, Julie doesn't work here anymore. You'll be dealing with me from now on.'

I was shocked.

'Was Julie fired?'

Helen sighed.

'An editor needs to know when it's appropriate to use 'your' or 'you're' or 'its' and 'it's'. That was her job. Also, Jole said she wasn't pulling her weight so… he fired her.'

Helen's hands started trembling at this, and I wondered how I'd made it to the position of her personal counsellor.

'Oh no…. are you okay? Can I get you some water?'

Helen shook her head and rummaged through her drawer, found a little bottle, and swallowed some pills.

'Valium- a muggle medication. It helps anxiety,' she said shakily.

'Right…' I said slowly. 'Are you sure that's good for you?'

She laughed hysterically.

'Who cares? I've now got to not only manage Jole and his fucking empty schedule, but I've got to write 2 articles a week AS WELL as editing most of the articles . Now that Julie's gone, I'll have to do even more and….'

She started hyperventilating at this point. I had no idea what to do.

'Can you take a day off?'

'Day off?' she shrieked. 'Day off? Who will do all this work? Who will…'

She took more pills, and drained her glass of water. She closed her eyes for a moment, and then smiled at me, looking oddly calm.

'Sorry, Anna,' she sighed. 'It doesn't help everyone else in the office thinks I'm a complete bitch… but what am I to do? I give them those deadlines because I can't manage to do everything otherwise.'

'Can't you employ a PA for Jole, and then another editor to replace Julie?'

'Oh yes,' she said scathingly. 'Except he goes through his PA's like toilet paper, and he's too fussy with his editors. There are many capable reporters out there, but he refuses to give them that authority because he's… well, he's mad. I swear… I'll kill that man one day. Azkaban sounds like a relaxing holiday compared to this.'

I bit my lip.

'Is there anything I can do?'

She threw up her hands.

'Convince everyone to get a bloody move on and finish their articles? They're fucking snails, I swear.'

I had to agree with her. They all sat about drinking coffee and joking with each other for most of the day.

'You know,' I said tentatively. 'I think the problem is that you're too much of a 'boss figure' to them. I think if you had a better relationship with them, they'd meet their deadlines.'

'How?' she said hopelessly. 'I was nice at first, but they abused that. Then I became nasty, and they're better, but still pathetic.'

I thought about it for a bit (I'm sure I won't learn this kind of thing in psychology school), and stood up-

'Come with me,' I said, opening the door.'Can you whistle?'

She whistled, and suddenly the room became silent.

(I don't know how am so shameless):

'Okay, everyone,' I said. 'It's time to meet your editor, Helen Asteria. Most of you know her as a great journalist and editor, but I don't think any of you have met her as a person. The reason for that, is because she's so busy trying to shoulder more work than she ought to.'

Helen stood by awkwardly.

'I've only been here a week, but it's easy to tell that there's tension on both sides. You guys begrudge getting snapped at, and Helen begrudges your disrespecting her deadlines.'

'That's because they're unrealistic,' said someone. 'How am I meant to churn out an article in an hour.'

Helen went to say something, but bit her lip. She took a deep breath.

'Look, guys,' she said. 'I hate being 'the bitch'. I hate that you all think I'm some monstrous woman who doesn't give a shit about your feelings. I do. Each time I go off at one of you, I feel really horrible. I really don't like doing it… but, at the same time, I've got an enormous workload, and unless one of you is genius enough to convince Jole to employ a PA and not fire him or her the next day, and to find a proper editor to help me out, I can't do anything about the deadlines.'

She sighed.

'A lot of you have families- or at least friends, or girlfriends or wives or husbands maybe. I get that… but I've got a husband too. If one person hands in their article to me an hour late, that sets me back. If all of you decide to hand in your articles at 6pm leaving time, then what time do you expect me to go home at? Lately, I've given up going home, because by the time I've finished editing everything it's 4am, just in time for the DP to be printed. And I ask you, now- is that fair? I get paid to work from 8- 6pm…. but the DP has to come out every day, doesn't it? Because, if it doesn't, then we're all out of jobs.'

Everyone shifted uncomfortably at this.

'So, I guess what I'm asking,' said Helen slowly, 'Is that we develop a mutual respect for each other. I realise I've treated some of you unfairly in the past, and I want to apologise for that- and promise to really fix that. On the flip side, I need you all to pull in and help me out because…' (she laughed a little hysterically now) 'I don't know how long I can continue to survive on 3 hours sleep a night.'

She wiped her eyes here, and then one girl got up and clapped and then, suddenly, everyone was up and clapping her. Helen then broke down into tears at this and then everyone came in and hugged her. Once the love session had ended, Helen said she would order pizza for everyone, and everyone went back to their desks and started typing like mad. Honestly, I've never seen the office so quiet. Kind of reminded me of the NEWT exams.

I went to Helen's office and she was ordering the pizzas. When she finished the 'floo' order, she went up to me and hugged me.

'Thank you so much,' she said tearfully. 'You're a lifesaver.'

I shrugged. I had genuinely felt sorry for her.

'No problem, really. I think it's good-for everyone, though.'

She nodded and smiled.

'Yes! I already feel so much better. Hopefully, if they're on my side… well, I might be able to actually have dinner with my husband on Saturday night.'

She sat down at her desk and began organising things (a little compulsively, if you ask me).

'Anna,' she said, sitting down, finally. 'How many letters did you receive this week?'

I thought about it for a moment.

'21.'

Helen's eyes widened.

'Already! That's wonderful! Anna, are you still looking for another job?'

I nodded.

'Forget it! You can have a daily column. 100 galleons a week- how does that sound? I'm sure we can bump it up to 150 pretty soon.'

I was stunned.

'What about Jole…'

'Hah!' Helen said crossly. 'He's off in Prague at the moment anyway. He won't be back until next week. According to our Polls, your previous article was really popular and, frankly, it requires minimal editing on my part.'

'I… I start Uni in September, though,' I said, confused at how this had come about so suddenly.

'Oh,' said Helen, her face falling. 'Right. I suppose that's very important to you too. Well, how about you write daily for now and then, once uni starts, we can work according to your schedule?'

I couldn't deny that sounded great.

'Okay, so I guess you've got plenty more articles left to answer?'

I suddenly felt v. embarrassed.

'Well, the thing is… I kind of sent responses to the other ones already.'

Helen frowned.

'Why would you do that?'

'Because they sounded so sad. I felt bad about picking just two. I thought the others deserved answers too!'

Helen sighed.

'Okay… well, I suppose we can start you off full time next week.'

Then I remembered my parents' wedding.

'What's wrong?' Helen said, noticing my face.

'Both my parents are getting married next week,' I said, embarrassed.

'What days?'

'Wednesday.'

'The same day!' Helen exclaimed.

I nodded.

'Unfortunately…. so I'll be doing wedding things on Tuesday and Wednesday…'

'And probably be quite hungover on Thursday,' said Helen, smiling a little. 'Okay, come in on Monday and we'll just do the one article for Friday. That'll be good, because we'll put a note in at the end of your article saying you'll be having a daily column starting from the week after.'

I nodded, trying to process it. Then, Helen's fire flashed green, and I took that as my cue to leave.

'See you Monday- and thanks a million! You're amazing!' she said, as I waved goodbye.

Agh. I think I'm going to take a shower and process all that's just happened.

.

8pm- Hmph. Came out from shower, to find Mary sitting at the table, not looking too happy at what Remus was saying.

'What's going on?' I said, sitting at the table.

'Anna, how are your finances going?' Remus said, his lips twitching a little.

'Not great… but I guess they'll be going pretty well, once I start working full time!'

Mary's eyes widened.

'Full time? That's amazing! So soon!'

'Ahem Ahem.'

We turned to look at Remus.

'It has come to my attention, that you and Mary are currently scraping the bottom of your purses.'

'Not really. My purse doesn't have a…'

'It was an expression,' interrupted Remus. 'Now, let's look at your finances-'

'You make how much a week?'

'20 galleons,' I said. 'Soon to be 100.'

'100 galleons,' said Mary.

I looked surprised.

'Dad found me a job as a legal secretary,' she said. 'He told me today. I start on Monday.'

We high-fived each other, but Remus cleared his throat.

'That's all very well, but you two seem to spend whatever you receive, the instant you receive it. I think you need to start economising. Now, how much is rent?'

'67 galleons a month, now we have Lily,' I said.

'Right. Let's write that down,' said Remus.

'What about food?'

'Well, if we're buying food I guess that costs about 2-3 galleons a day.'

'Groceries?'

'Around 5 galleons each.'

'Right… now didn't you come into 100 galleons two weeks ago? What happened to that?'

'I bought clothes for work,' I said, unapologetic.

Remus sighed.

'How much did you spent?'

I blushed.

'80 galleons.'

His eyes widened.

'And you, Mary?'

Mary blushed.

'A talking mirror.'

'Really?' I said excited. 'Have you got it?'

'No,' Mary sighed. 'It arrives next week.'

'Ahem ahem.'

We looked back at Remus.

'How much did this talking mirror cost you?'

Mary sighed.

100 galleons.

'And how much money do you have now, in total?'

'10 galleons', muttered Mary.

'Anna?'

'15', I mumbled.

'What about your life savings?'

Mary and I snorted.

'What 'life savings'?' we laughed.

'Well,' Remus said slowly. 'You surely don't want to live from pay day to pay day for the rest of your lives. What happens if you suddenly lose your jobs, or if you've got uni exams or… something happens. You need to have life savings! You should try putting away at least 20 galleons a week.'

Mary and I laughed.

'Are you joking? That's heaps!'

'And living by yourself is expensive!' Remus exclaimed. 'Your parents won't bail you out forever!

After much arguing, this is Remus' prescribed 'financial plan' for us:

.

Income: 100 galleons/week

.

Rent: 66 galleons/month = ~17 galleons/week

Savings: 20 galleons/week

Food: 23 galleons/week

Coffee: 7 galleons/week

Groceries: 10 galleons/week

Personal spending/going out: 23 galleons

.

Ugh… 23 galleons a week only, for shopping? Oh well, I suppose it's more than I have at the moment… Hmm.

.

9pm- Oh bloody hell. Just remembered am going out with Sirius tonight. Don't really want to. Esp now there isn't a chance we'll end up having a drunken snog.

.

1am- Ahhh more disasters. I honestly don't know how I've managed to become so involved in my friend's ex-girlfriend's life.

So we sat there, on my couch, and I was pretty silent for most of it as he chatted about his Auror training program etc, until he asked me about work.

'It's good. I've been promoted to full time, starting not this Monday, but the next.'

'Full time?' he said, shocked. 'That's great!'

I was going to spare him details on Helen (was still trying to be nice, despite his skanky new gf 'Penny'), but then he brought her up anyway-

'See much of Helen?'

'Yeah, quite a bit,' I said truthfully. 'She's my editor and, well, kind of runs the whole show.'

He snorted.

'Wonder how she managed _that_.'

This made me really angry. I think I'm now a feminist. Or a little bit of one, anyway.

'How can you assume that! If she were a guy, you wouldn't say that!' I snapped. 'She works really hard. She's been _living_ at work lately. Whatever she's achieved at the DP has been through her own determination and hard work.'

Sirius looked taken aback.

'Are you… are you friends with her?' he said, aghast.

I shrugged.

'I don't know. She's pretty much my boss… but I feel sorry for her. She's been under so much pressure lately and she kind of cracked up today.'

And- for a split second- I saw it: Sirius looked concerned. Then, he adopted his previous expression.

'She's always been crazy.'

'I think she's just really over-worked. It's taking a toll on her. She also seems to pop these pills called 'Valley' or something a lot. I don't know how potent they are but…'

'Valium?' Sirius said, his voice shaking.

'Ye…es,' I said, slowly.

Sirius tugged at his hair, looking frustrated.

'She shouldn't be doing that,' he said, his voice shaking. 'She had a problem, when we were together. It was worst around the time she went with… _him._'

I was shocked.

'She's addicted?'

'Well, she abuses them when she's stressed. I had to take her to hospital a few times over it.'

Sirius stood up, and started pacing the room.

'She's married now, right? Her husband will look after her… right?'

I felt helpless.

'I don't know,' I said. 'They don't seem to see much of each other.'

Sirius looked at me very seriously (somehow, the pun isn't so funny now).

'Did she take them in front of you?'

I shrugged.

'Yeah.'

'How many?'

'I don't know! A handful!'

'So more than 2?'

I snorted.

'Definitely. More around 5, I'd say.'

Sirius was already at the door.

'I have to go. Sorry…'

And, without another word, he was gone.

I guess all old habits die hard. Helen Asteria's is pills, Sirius' seems to be Helen Asteria.

I think I'll just go to bed now… with a bottle of wine. That's my dirty little habit. We've all got one.

* * *

**August 5**

**Weight: 10 st 3 (v. good)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2000 **

**Drinks: 2 (not bad)**

**Mother: Bridezilla**

**Shirley: Bigger Bridezilla**

**Money: 10 galleons **

**.**

12 noon- Was woken up at ungodly hour of 6am, by Sirius. He was sitting on my bed, which freaked me out at first. He looked terrible, and apologised for waking me up.

But, when Sirius Black is sitting on your bed, you tend to wake up pretty quickly.

'Are you okay?' I asked.

He took a deep breath.

'You were right. She's not in a good way… but she said you helped her a lot.'

'You saw her?'

'Yeah,' he sighed. 'I felt morally obliged to. I didn't know if her husband knew of her problem and, it so turns out, he doesn't.'

'Oh.'

We were silent for a while, and then I turned to look at him.

'You lied,' I said.

'What?'

'You said that people don't have these 'big love stories' when they're young.'

'They don't.'

'You did.'

'That's a train-wreck, Anna, not a love story,' he said grimly.

'Just admit it- you love her,' I said, getting a bit annoyed.

'She's married now.'

'It doesn't mean you don't love her. I can't imagine loving someone so much, for so long, and then have no feelings towards them whatsoever.'

'I hadn't thought of her for so long,' he said, sounding frustrated. 'I don't want to be with her but… I just couldn't stand hearing she was killing herself again, you know?'

'So you care for her. There's nothing wrong with that. Why can't you two just be friends? You both love each other enough for that, at least.'

'Because…' he said grimly. 'We can never be in the same room, and 'just be friends'.'

My eyes widened.

'Oh Merlin! You didn't! You didn't…'

'No… well… not exactly.'

I hit him.

'Sirius! She's married!'

'Calm down, we didn't have sex or anything,' he said tiredly.

'Snogged?'

'May have,' he said, distractedly. 'But it wasn't even really a snog. It was more just…'

'Oh, Sirius,' I sighed. 'I shouldn't have said anything.'

He shook his head.

'No, it's good you did. She needs help.'

I bit my lip.

'No offence, but are you the right person to be giving it to her? I doubt she'll be feeling good about snogging you, today. She'll probably be feeling really guilty.'

'It's not the worst she's done.'

'You need to forget that,' I snapped. 'Move on. I have.'

Sirius looked surprised.

'That's a bit blunt!'

'Well, I'm just a bit tired of it all,' I said wearily. 'If she's the love of your life- go, forgive her and marry her and be happy. Her husband will be better off too.'

'I can't do that. I've told you,' Sirius said.

'Well then accept she's never going to be with you and bloody move on already! Aside from the fact we're all sick of hearing about it… it's not good for you to keep torturing yourself about her.'

Sirius looked affronted for a bit,, but then sat up and nodded.

'You're right. Sorry,' he said. 'I'll let you sleep.'

I yawned.

'It's okay… I'm up now. Let's get some coffee.'

So we went and got coffee and croissants, and walked about the area as we ate them. It was so weird, being out that early in the morning. It was kind of like being in a ghost town… until it hit 7am, and then the streets were filled with people on their way to work.

'Thanks for being blunt,' Sirius said eventually. 'I think I needed that for it to finally click.'

I shrugged.

'S'ok.'

'Your parents' weddings are next week, aren't they?'

'You're still coming, aren't you?' I said (I think I sounded a little threatening when I said it!)

'Of course!' he said. 'Hey… let's look at your articles.'

He bought a paper, and we sat and read my advice. I was too embarrassed to read it.

'That's great,' he said, smiling at me and handing me the newspaper. 'You should be really proud of yourself!'

I shrugged.

'It's okay… it's not that amazing. You'll be saving people from Dark wizards soon- that's what I call amazing. And Lily- she'll be saving dying people.

'And you'll make individuals realise that their lives perhaps aren't so shit after all. I think that's pretty important, if you ask me. We're people, Anna. Physical pain only hurts so much. Why do you think Helen sits there numbing herself with Valium? It's so she can calm down enough to get on with her day. I'm sure most of us would welcome a broken arm over a broken heart any day.'

'Yeah,' I said, still unconvinced (though was nice of him to say that nonetheless), 'I guess. I'm not exactly professional or anything.'

'What's professional? You seem to have been helping everyone all year- me, , James, Lily, Mary, Remus… even Peter, when he has issues with Ness. Oh, and what about Slughorn, and Helen? Anna, you've got more experience in helping others than you give yourself credit for.

I shrugged.

'I just don't like sadness, or arguments. I don't see why we can't all help each other feel better. Life seems to be hard enough as it is.'

Sirius looked at me for a moment, his expression unreadable.

'Anna,' he said seriously (heh), 'you're honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me.'

I was so embarrassed I didn't even know what to say… so then we both laughed and I told him to stop being so melodramatic, as I have enough melodrama in my life, and we laughed again. Thankfully, the conversation on the way home was much lighter.

I now see whiy Helen Asteria and Sirius are bad for each other: they're both bloody emotionally draining- especially when they're with each other. They're worse than all Greek tragedies combined, the way they carry on.

Hmph.

Speaking of emotionally draining- just received letters form both mother, and Shirley inviting me over to discuss next week's wedding plans.

Why is my life so complicated? Really don't want to deal with mum/Shirley bitching about how the other is copying their wedding.

Hmm… Maybe I should ask Helen for her Valium supplier…

Then again, alcohol's probably cheaper.

.

8pm- Girls' night in. I need it. We are going to wear face masks, do our nails, and bitch about the annoying people in our lives.

Finally some time for ME to vent! Am planning on venting on the following people:

Shirley

Mum

Sirius,

Helen Asteria.

I think I'll feel better, after this session.

.

11pm- Haha. Mary and Lily are a bit peeved as I took up all the venting time. On a plus side, had a long and healthy vent on each of the above, and am now at peace with them and happy to forgive them for causing so much unnecessary stress in my life.

Namaste.

.

11.10pm- Was that an appropriate use of the word Namaste? I've never used it before. Hmm. I might go and do a yoga class tomorrow. A new center has just opened up. I wonder how much it costs?

.

11.11pm- Lucky time! Yoga costs 1 galleon/class- but new members get their first class free. Yay!

* * *

**August 6**

**Weight: 10 st 4 (gah)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 1000 (perfect)**

**Drinks: 0 (excellent)**

**Yoga: 1 class (v. good)**

**Hours spent meditating: 2 (excellent)**

**Money: 6 galleons (organic, vegan food is expensive)**

**.**

12 noon- Just finished my yoga class. Was really v. lovely. Feel very zenful now, and ready to face world.

The yoga instructor recommended I go on a vegan and organic diet- at least for a week- to cleanse my body of toxins.

I am now officially an organic vegan. Off to the organic food store!

.

2pm- Hmm, organic food is expensive, and vegan food slightly strange. Bought some pre-made meals I can charm to heat up. The one I'm currently eating tastes … interesting. I'm not sure I'm enjoying it. It's some strange curry on rice.

The rice is good, at least!

.

3pm- Going to meditate now. House is empty, which makes it a perfect clean zone.

.

3.10pm- Except house is messy. Am going to tidy up.

.

4pm- Tidying up and cleaning is very satisfying! House is spotless now! Am going to meditate for two whole hours.

.

7pm- I think I fell asleep… not sure that counts as meditation (?)

Am also v. hungry. Honestly, I feel like egg and chips. But I guess will have to opt for healthy, and body-friendly vegan meal. Must persevere. My body is a temple, and I must treat it with respect.

Namaste.

.

7.01pm- I really like the word 'namaste'. It sounds so peaceful and zenful. Am going to use it all the time now. For example, will bow at Sirius and say 'namaste'. And Helen Asteria could do with some 'namaste', as could Lily, who is easily worked up.

Mary, who seems to have massive tantric sex sessions with Remus, however, could possibly do without. Am v. jealous of her. I want a tantric sex partner. I wonder if I could ever convince Sirius to go to yoga?

.

9pm- Apparently I can't. He just popped over with some beers (I abstained, v. good) to 'hang out' and I put the idea to him.

He became very serious, and asked if I was reverting back to the 'hippies'. Hmph.

Did not waste a 'namaste' on him. He is not deserving of that beautiful word, despite his beauty.

Also, I want to say something about Sirius. I realise what I'm going to say will involve 'the pun' -

Sirius is too serious for his own good. He needs to try things out and be more spontaneous. How can he know yoga is boring, if he has never tried it?

I put this to him, and he said the only activity he is willing to stretch for, is shagging. Am v. proud of my response-

'If you are to be a vile pervert,' I said primly. 'Then kindly vacate my clean zone.'

He laughed at me, said I was mad, and then said he had to meet Penny anyway. Hmph. Bet he'll probably have wonderful, tantric sex with her. I wonder… maybe Rob would be into tantric sex? Ran into him earlier today, but managed to escape as was running late for yoga.

Hmmmm… he's Australian. Do Australians do yoga? Australia is quite close to India, isn't it?

* * *

**Wedding bells will be chiming next chapter... but will Shirley and Pamela get their dream weddings?**

_'AAAAAAH! Sirius' hair is not naturally sleek! '_

**AND **

_'But then my fingers started swelling up, my face felt really puffy and then, the next thing I knew, I was tackled to the ground by Uncle Geoffrey, who proceeded to life up my dress, exposing my knickers to the entire congregation.'_

**Please review!  
**

**Love, Anya  
**


	29. Chapter 29: August 8 to 14

**August 8**

**Weight: 10 st 4 (gah)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2000 (not ideal)**

**Drinks: 1 (v. bad)**

**Coffees: 5 (necessity of working for top notch newspaper)**

**Letters received: 30 (!)**

**Time spent meditating: ½ hour**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 100 (approx)**

**Love for Polly: Huge (hehe)**

**Money: 4 galleons**

* * *

**8.30am- **Aghhh! Just woke up! Start work in half an hour. Must hurry up…

.

9am- Okay. Made it. Helen Asteria is not here in meeting. I hope she is okay?

.

10am- Turns out she is. She's taken the week off. Seems like Sirius' visit may have been good for her after all. Rumour is that she stormed into Jole's office, demanded he hire another two editors and a PA, and that he give her this week off…. Or else she'd quit for good. He was so shocked that apparently he complied. Am v proud of Helen Asteria.

.

10.01am- Am also v. proud of myself, for managing to transform workplace so drastically during my first week here. I am a wonderful person. Hehe

.

11am- Or….not. Apparently some people think my advice of 'dumping a cheating boyfriend' is 'insensitive and unrealistic'. Oh dear… how come I'm receiving hate mail?

.

11.10am- Okay… phew. At least the others are either thank you's, or questions. I have 20 new questions. Eek! May keep the ones I don't answer now, for next week when I start doing this on a daily basis. Okay! Had better get to work…

.

11.20am- Will get coffee first. Mmm, I must say, the new editor Jole has hired is quite cute. I wonder if he's Julie's replacement and if I'll be assigned to work with him?

.

1pm- Lunch break! Agh. Haven't really responded to any questions. Was too pissed off at one girl's letter- she has two guys in love with her, but doesn't know which one to choose.

WHAT. A. BRAT

How come she gets TWO guys, when I can't even manage to find ONE normal person who will love me and want to shag me?

Fuck. This is a depressing job.

.

3pm- Okay, have to make a decision on questions pronto, as also need to have them reviewed today, as won't be coming in on Thursday. Eek! Okay, will just pick three out randomly.

.

3.01pm- Hmph. Picked out bratty girl's question. Okay, fine. Will answer it- and tell her off for being so heartless as to steal TWO men, when there are hardly enough to go around as is.

.

6pm- Gah. Am still here. Apparently the new editor- hmph- says I can't tell brat girl off for having 2 men at once, and I need to reword my response. He seems to think that my advising her to 'be more sensitive to her singleton sisters' is inappropriate.

Do not want to. I was being honest! She's selfish! Obviously her mother never taught her to share.

.

6.01pm- I don't think my mother taught me to share, come to think of it. I just think it's something I naturally learnt. Hmm

.

7pm- Fine. Caved in and wrote what editor- Tim- wanted to read. Feel like a cop out. I'm sure Helen Asteria would have published what I originally wrote, under the pretence of it being 'raw', 'cutting edge' and 'true'. I miss her.

Oh well… that was an easy day's work for the week! Aghhhh weddings start tomorrow. Gah.

.

8pm- Am going to Sirius' now, to organise this wedding business. We have 2 rehearsal dinners tomorrow, and then the 2 weddings on Wednesday. Jamie wrote back today, saying he's arriving on Weds morning at my flat.

I'm so stressed about this! Apparently mum and Shirley want my updo to be on different sides of my head.

WELL THEY CAN JUST DEAL WITH IT. I will put my bun in the middle. Hah. That way, neither of them win.

Okay, off to Sirius' now.

.

9pm- Sirius' bathroom- Sirius broke up with Polly! I'm so happy hehehe.

Actually, is wrong for me to be happy. But I don't care… she wasn't v nice anyway. He could do better….

.

11pm- My place. It is decided Sirius will stay here tonight as is easier because wedding preparations will start early tomorrow.

Maybe I'll shrink my bed…

.

1am- Am unshrinking bed. Sirius just pushed me off. AGAIN. He is a v. selfish sleeper. Dislike him v much.

Also, why can't he just wake up, realise we he loves me, and shag me?

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

This whole thing is getting ridiculous. He's single, I'm single, we're friends… what's the bloody problem?

.

1.10am- Maybe I'll just pretend to be sleeping and roll onto him…

.

2am- Gah! Was disastrous! He woke up and pushed me off so suddenly that I fell off my bed. Again.

This is beginning to be some kind of ridiculous joke. He and I are completely incompatible to sleep with each other.

And by sleep I mean zzz'ing, not xxx-ing. I personally believe we are extremely compatible to xxx with each other. Hehe

.

4am- Oh bollocks. I'm sleeping on the couch. He is sprawled ALL OVER MY BED. But first… hehehe

* * *

**August 9**

**Weight: 10 st 3 (excellent!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: Not counting today**

**Drinks: Am exempt**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: Too many to count**

**Money: 4 galleons (v. good)**

**.**

10am- HAHA. Sirius just woke up and discovered the 'SS' I had written on his forehead while he slept. Sirius and Lily are saying I need to stop pretending am friends with members of the Nazi party.

I tried explaining that the 'S.S' stood for Selfish Sleeper, but Sirius disappeared to our bathroom before could explain properly. He's worried the lipstick will have 'ruined' his 'perfect skin'.

That boy… is very vain. I don't believe it.

.

10.30am- He's still in the bathroom! What is he doing there? He says he's fixing his hair… what the hell?

.

11am- AAAAAAH! Sirius' hair is not naturally sleek! He has frizzy hair, that he straightens with his wand, and a vial of Madame Sleakeasy potion.

I wish I never knew. Am v disappointed now.

.

12 noon- Waiting for the Portkey to Greece

Sirius isn't speaking to me now, and has sworn me to secrecy on his 'hair secret'. He is so childish. Honestly!

.

6pm- Greece. Oooh it's so lovely and warm here! So much nicer than horrid London. I'm migrating to Greece. Oooh the waiters are very fit too. Mmm, I think I have a thing for Greek men hehe…

.

6.30pm (waiting to be seated)- Sirius just told me off for flirting with the waiters. Don't see what _his _problem is!

.

3am- Won't get a chance to write tomorrow, so will record tonight, now.

Let me begin by saying this double wedding is ridiculous. It is tiring enough to go to _one_ social family event, but two is stretching it.

Anyway…

Dad and Shirley's rehearsal dinner was boring. It really was. Despite the lovely food and setting, we had absolutely nothing to do except sit there. There wasn't alcohol on the tables, so we had to request another drink if we wanted one.

Unfortunately, Shirley the bitch had put a restriction on us, and told the waiters we were only allowed to have one glass of champagne for the entire evening.

Grr. What does dad see in her? She had better let me drink at the wedding, I'm just saying….

As soon as we finished dessert, we took a portkey back for mother's rehearsal dinner. It wasn't overly eventful, really, so Sirius and I just nicked a bottle of champagne and spent the rest of the evening drinking it in the gardens.

Was v. fun… except I still have the hiccoughs now!

'How are you holding up so far?' he asked me, handing me the bottle.

'Not bad,' I said truthfully. 'Nothing's gone wrong so far. Somehow, I've managed to behave myself throughout both rehearsal dinners. I'd say that's a raging success, on my behalf.'

He laughed and swilled down some more Champagne.

'So why'd you break up with Polly?' I said.

He shrugged.

'I'm leaving soon. I'm quitting my job after this week, and then I'm away all of September. Didn't seem worth starting anything that was just going to end.'

I felt a small lump in my throat at this.

'Did you like her?'

He grinned at me.

'Don't worry, you'll always be my number one girl.' (YESSSSSS!)

I blushed and he sighed.

'She was okay. Nothing special. I don't think it would've lasted long. Really, I just decided to take your advice.'

'What advice?' I frowned.

'Remember how you told me to get myself a girlfriend?' he laughed. (I AM AN IDIOT!)

I screwed up my nose.

'Haven't you heard? I give terrible advice.'

'Is that so? I happen to hear people are _loving _your advice column.'

We sat in silence for a while.

'Do you think I'll ever get married?' I asked, randomly.

'Shut up, Jones,' he laughed. 'Drink. I'm meant to be the serious one here.'

I rolled my eyes.

'No, seriously…'

'Siriusly…'

'Sirius!' I laughed. 'Stop it!'

'Aw come on!' he laughed. 'It's the only perk of having such a ridiculous name. I get to mock people when they try telling me to 'be serious.'.

I laughed and drunk more champagne.

'Okay then. _Siriusly_… do you think it'll ever happen? I can't imagine anyone ever wanting to marry me. Or putting up with me, at least!'

'Don't sell yourself short. A guy would be lucky to be married to you. It'd be the equivalent of living in a comedy show. He'll be laughing 'til the day he dies!'

I hit Sirius, and then he hit me back and we sort of kept hitting each other, ending up with me lying on the grass, squealing, as he tickled me.

'Okay! Okay! Enough!' I gasped.

He stopped, and lay back next to me.

'I don't just want to be a comedy act to whoever I'm with,' I said truthfully. 'I want them to love me… seriously.'

Sirius smirked, and then we just both laughed and finished the rest of the champagne, before sneaking back into the cellar for another bottle (but he DID kiss me on the cheek before hopping off the ground and helping me up hmmmmmm. HMMMMMMM!)

Anyway. Not much else happened for the rest of the evening. Mum grilled me on 'the plan' for tomorrow, and wanted to make sure I was coming to _her _wedding, not Shirley's.

I can't bloody believe I have to lie to both sides, and tell them I'm not going to the others' wedding. But…well… what can I do? This is my life. None of it makes any sense whatseoever.

Then again, if my life actually made sense, I'd be having a lovely shag fest with Sirius in my room right now, instead of sleeping (alone) on my couch while Sirius snores away on my bed… yet again. Hmph.

* * *

**August 10**

10am- My apartment- Oh my goodness, it's pandemonium here! Sirius is, yet again, locked up in my bathroom taking his sweet time, Jamie is the living area, flirting with Mary and Lily (who are both acting v. sluttishly, if I say so myself)…. and my bloody parents are getting married.

I can't believe it. I'm going to have step-parents after today. Do not want! Last night I got really depressed and took out some old photo albums of our family from when we were younger (and happier).

Maybe will show those pictures to mum and dad, and force them to remarry each other instead. Gahhhh. WHERE IS MY WONDERBRA?

.

11am- Jamie and Sirius are still not ready. WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT CHUCKING ON SOME DRESS ROBES?

Why are boys so vain? We were meant to be in Greece already. At this rate, we won't even make the final portkey.

AND I STILL NEED TO GET MY HAIR AND MAKEUP DONE!

I am stressing out. Am going to kill them… both

.

12 noon (London Time)- Okay. Calm… and champagne. Can't get any worse. Shirley is giving me the evil eye, I swear. Don't blame her, really. The wedding starts in an hour!

* * *

**August 11**

**Weight: 10 st 5 (hmph)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 0 (detoxing)**

**Allergies: 1 **

**Money: 1 galleons (v. frightening)**

.

3pm- My apartment.

I don't know how or why, but somehow woke up this morning, in a field in Greece. Jamie and Sirius were sleeping next to me- Jamie spooning Sirius. I swear. If those two turn gay for each other… I'll kill them both.

Anyway. I think it's safe to say I'm estranged from both parents. I, Anna Jones, managed to upset both my parents' weddings. The ridiculous thing is both times weren't really my fault-

Before I walked down the aisle for Shirley's wedding, she pulled me aside.

'Listen, Anna,' she hissed. 'I've put a lot of effort into this wedding for your father and I. Please don't ruin it.'

I mumbled 'of course not'.

As I proceeded to walk down the aisle, however, I felt something stinging my arm. I tried to resist the urge to yelp, because it was bloody painful. As I was about halfway to the altar, however, things- namely me- turned ugly.

I felt my throat constricting. Initially I thought nothing of it because I thought, perhaps, I was just emotional about my dad getting married.

But then my fingers swelled up instantly, my face felt really puffy and then, the next thing I knew, I was tackled to the ground by Uncle Geoffrey, who proceeded to lift up my dress, exposing my wobbly thighs to the entire congregation.

'It's okay!' he shouted. 'I'm a Healer!'

He then jabbed his wand at my thigh and I cried out but then, suddenly, felt so much better. I watched in surprise as my fingers deflated, and the rash on my forearm disappeared.

'Anna!' dad gasped, rushing up to me. 'Are you okay?'

'She's probably allergic to bees,' Uncle Geoffrey bellowed. 'Whoever chose these flowers is an idiot. These bees are swarming!'

A that moment, another bee buzzed next to me, and I screamed. Trust me, I never want to see a bee EVER again.

'WHAT is going on?'

We all turned to see Shirley. She looked furious.

'Anna just had a health scare,' dad said, hugging me to him. 'But Geoffrey fixed her right up.'

Shirley glared daggers at me, and I gulped.

'You should probably sit this one out,' Uncle Geoffrey said to me.

I nodded, trying to ignore Shirley, who was turning a very unbecoming shade of beet. I sat next to Sirius in the congregation. Unfortunately, Uncle Geoffrey (actually not my Uncle, but calls himself this so he can pat my bottom or knee inappropriately) sat right next to me.

'Hah!' he said loudly, slapping my knee inappropriately. 'Is this your chap then, Anna?'

'No,' I muttered. 'He's my friend, Sirius.'

'Still no chap then? You know, you can't put these things off forever! Tick tock, tick tock!'

Dad cleared his throat and smiled sympathetically at him. I smiled back and tried not to cry as I watched him wed the evil hag, Shirley.

I guess, looking back on it, I don't blame her for being pissed off. I _did_ kind of ruin her big entrance. Hmm.

Sirius was lovely and v helpful and concerned for me- unlike Jamie who felt no need to even ask if I was okay. In fact, he did quite the opposite- when we were waiting for the portkey to go to mum's wedding, Sirius asked me (again) if I was okay, and Jamie bellowed-

'Course she is! Look at her! If anything, the swelling's improved her face.'

I gasped and turned to Sirius.

'What swelling?'

He cleared his throat tactfully.

'Don't freak out… but your face is just a bit swollen. It's not bad. You know, actually, many women inject their lips to get that 'bee stung' look.'

I rummaged through my purse frantically and pulled out my hand mirror to see that my face was frightfully swollen. For lack of a better comparison- but it really wasn't better than this anyway- my face looked like a bloody baboon's arse.

I'm not even joking. It was horrific.

I screamed, and threw my mirror away like it was a dangerous spider or something. Then, I ripped up my bridemaid's dress and put the tulle over my face in a bid to create a makeshift veil.

'Anna,' Jamie roared (he was already a bit drunk by this point, 'You can't wear a veil to mum's wedding. You'll upstage her. Then again…'

He started laughing uncontrollably.

'With a face like that, you're going to steal the show anyway.'

I sunk to the ground and started crying at this point. I guess it's just a testament to how good a friend Sirius really is, that he didn't leave then and there. For the next ten minutes, Jamie only got more boistrous, and my swearing at Sirius for lying to me and not telling me my face was so ugly only became ugly.

Finally, the portkey glowed and so we arrived at mum's. I was in such a state, though, that I locked myself in the bathroom and refused to come out. Sirius, at his wit's end (no doubt), gave up and called mother.

'ANNA JONES!' she snapped, in supreme Brizella AB mode, 'You get out of that bathroom right now!'

She unlocked the door and ripped the veil off my head. I screamed, but she dragged me into her dressing room.

'Oh you silly billy,' she sighed, rummaging through her medicine drawer. 'I've got a _potion_ for that.'

'This isn't just normal swelling!' I said miserably. 'It's an allergic reaction.'

Mother rolled her eyes.

'I'm allergic to bees too. Here, drink this potion. You'll be normal in no time. But…'

She paused and surveyed me.

'Maybe you should consider having your lips stung by bees by a proper cosmetician. They can confine the allergic reaction to just your lips. Your lips really _do_ need some filling out.'

HONESTLY! HOW RUDE!

I glared at mum and downed the potion. Thankfully, the swelling disappeared immediately and I was, finally, completely normal again.

'Now, Anna,' mother said, becoming slightly menacing. 'Don't ruin this for me.'

I'm just going to say this right now: I predict I shall NEVER get married. Aisles and I are mutually exclusive. We completely disagree with each other.

You see, to most people this might seem sensationalised. A bee sting in one wedding, and then totally fucking up on the aisle during another wedding ON THE SAME DAY- but I'm not exaggerating. Trust me, this is NOT anything I would ever brag about.

As I was walking down the aisle, I tried thinking of it as being like walking down the catwalk of a fashion show. People were taking pictures, everyone was staring at me, I was wearing Malkin Couture…

You have to admit, it's kind of similar.

Unfortunately, the models at a runway show know how to walk in dangerously high heels. I, sadly, have not quite mastered that talent (though am marginally better when a little drunk).

You see mother, in her tireless war against my natural state, had purchased a pair of ridiculously high heels for me in a bid to make me seem 'taller' and hence 'thinner.'

When it came to walking up the steps to the altar, however, I tripped on the hem of my ultra tight gown and, (here I blame my limited ability to move in my dress), grabbed onto the material of the gazebo in a bid to stabilise myself.

Stabilise myself I did not. But I did manage to bring down the entire gazebo, effectively ruining the entire altar.

I think I must have hit my head, because I came to in my mother's dressing room. Sirius was looking over me, trying his best not to laugh. In the background, I heard this constant, high-pitched sound.

'Sirius,' I said, confused. 'I think I've got tinnitus. My ears a ringing.'

'Um, Anna,' he said carefully. 'That's your mum screaming. I think your ears are fine.'

Then it all came back to me. I suddenly became terrified for my life.

'Sirius!' I whispered, clutching at his dress robes. 'Please take me away! She'll kill me!'

'It's okay,' he laughed. 'They've nearly fixed it. She's just upset her big entrance was ruined.'

I groaned.

'Fuck. I've gone and done it again.'

'Well, sis,' Jamie said, coming in and clapping me on the shoulder. 'I think we can safely say you're never to be a bride… and almost certainly won't ever be a bridesmaid again!'

I felt horribly guilty. A few minutes later, they had fixed the gazebo and the wedding started again. I, however, was expressly forbidden from coming anywhere near the gazebo (again, don't blame mum).

As I watched the wedding miserably, it suddenly occurred to me that Lily and James might attempt getting married again, sometime soon… and then I panicked at the thought of ruining Lily's wedding.

'Anna,' Sirius whispered. 'Calm down. If they get married, I'll make sure Mary walks you down the aisle'

I wasn't sure if this was reassuring or not. Mary's only marginally better-balanced than me. Then again, perhaps her balance has improved after her constant sex-workouts. Does sex improve balance? Note to self: Research this concept… via lots of shagging. Hehehe

Anyway. After the ceremony, I was allowed back for a few photos with the wedding party (mother made sure I wasn't anywhere near her dress), and then we stayed on for the reception.

And this is where my memory becomes a little hazy. Jamie, Sirius and I basically loitered around the drinks table the _entire_ night. I remember dancing quite dangerously with Jamie for a bit (he takes up a lot of space) and, though I can't remember it, I probably danced with Sirius too.

I remember Jamie had a bit of spliff on him so my guess is that we apparated to that field and smoked it. Who knows. All I know is I reeked when I woke up, and was_ really hungry,_ but too hungover to eat.

Sirius has since gone home to sleep off his hangover, and Jamie is sprawled all over my couch.

.

4pm- Hmph. Dislike Mary and Lily's constant giggling over my brother. He's not fit! He's Jamie!

.

4.10pm- Ugh. They're fawning all over him. LILY JUST COOKED HIM A FULL BREAKFAST…. And now he's flirting with her, saying that he misses good, home-cooked English food.

Bloody hell. Am going to bring in Pottyhead if this continues...

.

4.20pm- Now Mary is talking in an oddly chavvy accent. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? He's trying to teach her to speak with a Jamaican accent.

.

4.25pm- Oh no… I went to the bathroom only to come back and find a note saying that they've gone out for Jamaican rum, so Jamie can teach them to drink, 'Jamaican style'.

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

I know what it bloody means- it means that Jamie, the man-slut that he is, is trying to shag both my best friends and they, the shameless flirts, are all for it.

Must not allow this.

But who do I go to? I feel it would be wrong to call in Remus or James, as it may end up being v ugly. But who do I call… Sirius?

I have a feeling he's probably quite fed up with me at the moment. Yesterday wasn't exactly pleasant.

Wonder if Peter is free?

.

5pm- Ugh. Peter's gf is SUCH a little bitch. I asked if he was home, and she said he wasn't… and then pulled me aside and said 'she knows' about my little attempt to go out with Peter, and that she 'has her eye on me'.

GAHHHH. Meanwhile, Lily and Mary are probably shagging Jamie as I write this.

Where are they?

.

11pm- Oh dear. They're all pissed, and won't stop giggling. Actually, I think they're all high.

Seems like Jamie's going to stay here another night. Have forced Lily and Mary to bed, as they have work tomorrow. Jamie is on the couch, giggling at my television.

WHY IS IT UP TO ME TO BE THE AB? Gahh.

I wish I had work tomorrow. Dealing with DP office antics is far pleasanter than being responsible for 3 adults.

Also, on Lily, I miss those days when she was still a virgin. She was much more responsible, back then. Now, she's 'drinks ahoy!'

.

11.10pm- Speaking of... I may just have a drink myself. Just received my copy of Witch Weekly. After the week I've had, I feel I deserve some 'me time'.

.

11.11pm- Wish could have 'me time' in the form of a shag. Hmm… lucky time! But, oddly, has never brought me luck. No matter how many times I keep wishing on this time for Sirius to shag me, he still refuses to shag me.

.

11.15pm- Why did Jamie get all the goods? Star quidditch player, supposedly good looking (am not a Black, and hence do not find own brother attractive), popular and universally loved, rich…

And here I am, in this little apartment, with no one to shag me, with parents who both hate me for ruining their weddings.

Am a disaster.

.

11.30pm- Oooh Witch Weekly article on getting one's life in order is v. good. Am going to post it on my wardrobe door. It says I must eat healthily and exercise a lot.

Which reminds me… what became of my daily yoga and vegan diet? Hmm. I need to stick to things better. Also, just discovered that Italian phrasebook from school.

Maybe should learn Italian again? Or perhaps something exotic like Japanese. Hmm

.

11.45pm- Or Arabic? I've always had a secret fantasy of becoming a desert rose/Arabian princess. Mmm. Apparently they're very rich too- despite lack of women's rights.

.

11.46pm- Speaking off, DP article says I should join a cause. Perhaps should become a feminist? Have never been too into the concept of feminism before, by which I mean I obviously believe in equal rights for all… but have never really done anything about it.

If anything, am a shame to my gender. Especially the way I seem to keep running to the men in my life for help.. i.e. Sirius.

.

11.47pm- Starting tomorrow, will become an empowered woman, and will stop relying on Sirius to help me out of each trivial little disaster that crops up in my life. Will be strong, and find the solution myself.

Otherwise, will never grow.

.

11.49pm- Alala… I'm hungry now. But only know how to cook eggs, and bloody Lily used them all up making Jamie's breakfast. Gah. Will just go to bed hungry. Is good to have a cleansing day.

Also, don't want to have to change my calorie count for the day.

.

11.50pm- Oh holy crap. I just realiseed I only have ONE GALLEON left to last me until NEXT WEEK.

Aghhhhh. Am a disaster. Right. 1 sickle per day.

The worst part is that mum and dad are on respective honeymoons. Even so, I doubt they'd be willing to give me any hand outs after my performance at their weddings.

Maybe will extort Jamie for money? He has too much of it anyway. How much money does a single man need? It's not as though he has any fashion sense.

.

11.51pm- Or maybe he does. Just checked the label of his suit… Malkin Homme.

I officially hate my brother. Not only does he have the above mentioned wonderful things going on in his life, but he has a wardrobe consisting of MALKIN HOMME SUITS.

I have a new life goal: To own a wardrobe, purchased by myself, filled with Malkin Couture clothes.

Maybe Helen Asteria can get me a discount? I feel this dream may take quite a while to actualise… unless I marry a rich man?

NEW LIFE GOAL: MARRY A RICH MAN, who will purchase said Malkin Couture wardrobe for me.

Yes. That's much better. Am going to focus on that as I go to sleep. Am knackered.

* * *

**August 13**

**Weight: 10 st 4 (better)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2000**

**Money: 5 galleons (better, but still frightening)**

**.**

1pm- Oh thank goodeness. Jamie has left…. And the git has invited Mary, Lily and I to come and visit him in Jamaica during his week off, at the end of October.

I DON'T THINK SO.

Will not be a holiday, so much as AB training for me. Am sure Lily and Mary would break up with Remus and James temporarily, just to be able to shag Jamie and his team-mates as much as they can during that week.

Unfortunately, Lily and Mary are already planning said trip to Jamaica, and have gone so far as to buy a travel book on it.

I think I'll just go get a coffee… which I can afford, as Jamie 'loaned' me 4 galleons.

For someone who has Malkin Homme suits, he needs to carry more cash on him. 4 galleons in his wallet is v. disappointing… and not v useful for me, as his scungy younger sister.

.

1.10pm- GAHHHH! I DID IT AGAIN! I relied on a man to bail me out of trouble.

V. bad. V.v.. But I suppose warranted, given 1 galleon situation? Gah.

.

5pm- Oooh there's a play out right now. It's called _Chocolat. _It's basically about a witch who is also a bit of a gypsy (but v sexy) who opens up a chocolaterie and has a fling with another sexy gypsy (played by my not-so-secret crush, Johnny Crepp).

Ahhh must go see it. It's playing at the Wizarding Theatre. Will convince Mary.

.

5.10pm- Mary AND Lily are going out with their boyfriends tonight. Huh. How they can even _face_ their boyfriends after their behaviour with my brother is beyond me.

Maybe will go by myself? I would ask Sirius, but am meant to be weaning self off reliance on him/men in general.

.

5.15pm- Okay. Am going by myself. Is perfectly normal thing to go by oneself to the theatre. Actually, it isn't… but I don't care what other people think. It won't be the most embarrassing thing I've done in the past 24 hours, anyway.

.

9pm- Ahhh was amazing! Have a major crush on Johnny Crepp again. Why can't he ditch his beautiful French wife and marry me? Ahhhh.

Going alone was a little embarrassing, let's face it. Was sitting in between two Smug Couples, who kept glancing over at me as though I was lost. Hmph.

But it didn't bother me as soon as Johnny came on stage!

Also, the actress Juliette Brioche, is _amazing_ and sexy and goddess-like. I want to be just like her- including the colourful heels, curvaceous body (hah, mine's a bit _too_ curvaceous), and sexy and alluring chocolate skills.

Am going to become a part time chocolatier. I wonder if there are any courses?

.

9.10pm- Turns out there are… except it costs 250 galleons to enrol. Hmm. Maybe not.

Searched through Witch Weekly (where I found out about the play) and they've included a recipe for Mayan Chilli Hot Chocolate. Am going to go to supermarket and buy ingredients. How hard can it be to make Hot Chocolate?

.

9.30pm- Okay! Am going to make it now. Bought a tiny red chilli, quality cocoa, and some cream. Okay! Let's go… hmph. Wish Lily and Mary were here to try end product with me. Seems selfish to not share wonderful hot chocolate.

Will not invite Sirius over. Anyway, he said to never cook for him again so hmph. He will just have to miss out.

.

9.45pm- My eyes are burning up a lot. Not sure why… will keep rubbing them…

.

1am- Home.

Just came home from St Mungo's. That's right- St Bloody Mungo's.

Turns out one should never rub their eyes when they've just cooked with chilli. I probably should have read that little warning at the bottom of the recipe before I started… Gah

Okay. So after continuing to rub them, they were burning so much that I couldn't even _open_ my eyes. My whole face felt like it was about to melt off and was home alone.

I had no choice- I apparated to Sirius' front door and blindly knocked on what I thought was his door, except it was his window… So I ended up smashing his living room window. He rushed out, to find me blind, and my hand bleeding.

'Anna,' he said sternly (don't blame him for being unimpressed), 'What the hell is going on? Did you get stung by another bee?'

'My eyes!' I cried. 'I can't see. Take me to St Mungo's! I can't apparate there blind like this.'

So he took me, and I was seen right away. He kept laughing at me on our way home.

'Jones,' he laughed as we walked into my (still empty) apartment. 'I thought we'd agreed that you don't belong in the kitchen.'

I flopped onto the couch haughtily.

'I know,' I huffed. 'But I don't consider making hot chocolate _cooking_.'

Sirius looked at me strangely.

'Jones, chilli isn't usually an ingredient for Hot Chocolate. What on earth were you thinking?'

I crossed my arms.

'I was trying to make chilli hot chocolate. Like the Mayans did.'

He raised his eyebrows and I summoned the Witch Weekly magazine. Sirius sighed when he saw it.

'Jones, I worry about how literally you take this magazine. Anyway- they said not to rub your eyes!'

'Well I didn't read that far, did I?' I muttered. 'They should have put that at the _start_ of the recipe, not the end!'

He laughed and tossed the magazine aside.

'Hey,' he said casually. 'Do you fancy going to see that play?'

And then I felt horribly guilty for not asking him to go with me…. So guilty that I pretended I hadn't seen it yet and said I'd love to go.

Bloody hell. I think I should just accept I need certain men in my life- Sirius in particular. But he's leaving for his stupid Auror training month soon. I actually don't know how I'm going to survive without him. Let's just hope I manage to keep myself out of trouble for a month.

On the plus side, watching _Chocolat_ again means I get to see Johnny Crepp again! Haha!

I wonder when we can go see it? Hmm… Maybe Johnny will spot me in the audience while he's acting, fall in love with me, and then find me after the show and ask me to marry him?

Am going to go to bed right now and dream about that. If I am a Seer, hopefully it will end up coming true!

.

1.10am- If I _was_ a Seer, surely I would have foreseen horrible chilli eye incident. Resolve to sharpen Seer abilities before Sirius leaves.

.

1.12am- I don't want him to go. Even if I can't snog or shag him, just seeing him brings a lot of happiness to my otherwise dull and miserable life. Maybe should injure him so that he has to miss his training? Hmmm…

.

1.13am- Will not assault Sirius. Am sure that would mean the end of our friendship, anyway, which would be worse in the long run.

I will just have to work on my independence and see his leaving as a very positive thing that will force me to rely less on others.

V. good. On that note, am off to sleep. Will get up early tomorrow and go for a walk.

* * *

**August 14**

**Weight: 10 st 4 (better)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Yoga: 1 hour (v. good)**

**Calories: 3000 (terrible)**

**Visits from Rob: 1 (bad, but quietly reassuring)**

**Money: 3 galleons (am going to be destitute by Monday)**

**.**

**1pm- **Eugh. I feel sick. Just woke up. Overslept. Yuk. Oooh, I hear Mary and Lily. At least have female friends at home.

.

4pm- Am v. depressed. Went into the living room to find Lily and Mary on the ground, in some v strange 'upside down lotus' yoga position.

'What are you doing?' I asked them, pouring myself some coffee.

'The upside down lotus,' Lily said informatively, her cheeks very flushed.

'Oh…' I said. 'Why?'

'Apparently they help you have really strong orgasms,' said Mary informatively.

'During the position?' I gasped, ready to drop to the floor and try it.

'No, silly,' Lily laughed. 'During sex.'

I sat at the kitchen table, feeling miserable.

'Why don't you try it?' offered Mary.

'What's the point?' I muttered. 'I have no one to shag!'

Right on cue, there was knocking at the door. Deciding that both my housemates probably weren't going to be getting up any time soon, I answered it.

It was Rob.

'Oh Jesus,' I sighed, when I saw him. 'Look, Rob, we decided…'

'Well that's just it, Anna!' he said. 'We didn't decide anything! You're hot one minute, cold the other. You dumped me… but then dragged me back here a few days later for an amazing shag. I want to know what's going on, because I really care for you.'

I rolled my eyes.

'No, you care for the shagging.'

He grinned cheekily (and it was sexy enough for me to need to press my legs together).

'I'll admit, the shagging's pretty amazing. C'mon Anna,' he coaxed. 'Why stop a good thing!'

I sighed.

'Look, Rob,' I said. 'While the shagging is great- don't get me wrong, it is- I just don't fancy you at all. I'm sorry. You're cute, but it can't go any further than shagging. At this point in my life, I'm looking for more than that.'

He looked me up and down, still wearing that sexy grin.

'Anna,' he said. 'Do you have someone else?'

'No,' I sighed. 'But…'

'Well what's the harm in continuing to see each other until you do?'

I'm ashamed to admit I considered his proposal.

'No!' I exclaimed, shaking my head. 'No! Because …'

'What? Because what? You enjoy the shagging, don't you?' he coaxed.

'That's not the point! Rob, I think you're obsessed with me! I don't think it'd be 'just shagging' with you.'

'That's okay,' he interrupted. 'You call the shots. I'll handle any heartbreak should it come later down the track.'

I sighed.

'Look… just please try forgetting me,' I sighed. 'It's not going to happen. Sorry.'

And then- somehow- I shut the door on him and ran back to my room and sulked.

It's not fair. I want someone to shag me.

Maybe his suggestion wasn't so bad? After all, Sirius went on a huge casual sex tirade, and he seemed to escape it unscathed. Well, he's probably caught several diseases in the process… but he seems happy which is the main thing, right?

.

5pm- Must stop thinking about accepting Rob's proposition. He is not a normal man, but a crazy Australian and borderline stalker.

Aren't I at an age where I'm supposed to be able to walk into any bar and get any guy I choose? Aghh, am going to chuck out all my Mills & Boon books for good, I think. They are useless rubbish and have filled my head with nonsensical notions.

Speaking of, actually, I never did finish reading ' Fire of Passion' due to horrid NEWTs. Hmm… might read it now.

.

7pm- Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I need a good shagging. _Seriously_ must invest in a vibrator as soon as get paid on Friday.

Or maybe everyone can just buy me one for my Birthday in 2 weeks…

Fuck it. I can't wait that long. This Friday, am disguising myself and purchasing a vibrator.

Good plan!

.

8pm- But shagging Rob is cheaper… with no icky emotional attachment (on my behalf, at least). Hmmmm…

.

11pm- Aghhh. Girls just gave me an 'interfriendtion' regarding the 'Sirius Situation' hah.

They sat me down on the couch, and thrust a glass of wine at me.

'Drink,' ordered Lily.

I was only too happy to oblige… except the wine was terrible. I guess I shouldn't expect much when we're poor as we are.

'Anna,' said Mary haughtily. 'Why aren't you and Sirius shagging each other's brains out yet? Merlin knows he's slept in your bed enough times!'

'Yes!' Lily concurred. 'What's wrong? Surely you don't need us to teach you how sex works?'

I glowered at Lily.

'Thanks, miss recently deflowered nymphomanic,' I muttered. 'I know very well how shagging works. It just so happens that shagging between Sirius and I will never work out well… and hence we are both very happy to remain just friends.'

'Oh come on!' Lily sighed. 'He likes you! I know he does! But what's he to do when you keep refusing him?'

I felt v indignant at this.

'Me?' I gasped. 'I'm not the one who refuses him!'

'You are!' Mary nodded. 'All the time. Anna, there's nothing wrong with a drunken hookup. In fact, it's how many relationships start- take a look at Remus and I!'

I stood up, v annoyed.

'I will not be Smug-Coupled by you two!' I cried. 'I am a singleton, and proud of it! Now, if you'll excuse me… I'm going to meditate in my room!'

At which I ran to room and did the upside down lotus for a full hour. Those orgasms had better be bloody amazing. I'm just saying….

.

12 midnight- Sirius wants to know if I'm free on Friday night to go to the theatre. Oooh am excited now. But won't get my hopes up that it'll end in shagging because, let's face it, it never ever does.

Hmph.

* * *

**That chilli thing actually happened to me when I was younger. After watching _Chocolat_, I tried to be clever and make chilli hot chocolate. I forgot about the residual chilli on my hands when I washed my face before bed and then... let's just say it wasn't a fun night.  
**

**Next chapter-**

'There I was- naked, and locked out on my own bloody balcony.'

**AND**

'You love me?'

'Well of course!' he exclaimed.

I hopped off the bed.

'What do you mean 'of course'?' I said suspiciously. 'What's so obvious about your loving me?'

**Make sure you leave a review before you leave! I haven't have much time for writing lately so will need plenty of inspiration!**

**Love, Anya**


	30. Chapter 30: August 15 to 19

**August 15**

**Weight: 10 st 6 (gah!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (v. stubborn)**

**Calories: 2500 (mostly hot chocolate)**

**Hot chocolates: 10 (v. bad) **

**Letters receieved: 83 (!)**

**Yoga: 10 mins (could be better)**

**Money: 2 galleons**

* * *

**8.55am- **I hate Monday mornings. Esp now that I have a job. 8am wake up was horrific. I still feel half asleep. I know I look terribly sloppy. Ooh Helen Asteria's back… and gah. She looks better than ever.

The bitch.

.

11am- Oh my giddy aunt. I've received 71 'Ask Anna' letters over the past week. Oh my GOODNESS, how on EARTH am I going to answer them all… or even READ them all, let alone PICKING ones for tomorrow's paper?

.

11.10am- Am going to make self some lovely hot chocolate and then get started. Mmm, I really ought to invest in a mug for work. Everyone has these super douper massive mugs that look very professional and journalistic. Mmm

.

11.11am- Lucky time! Hmph, but I'm not really a journalist. I just answer some questions on love (mostly). Mmm, they get quite repetitive after a while. Honestly, sometimes I just want to send an angry note back saying-

'Stop bitching. He sounds nice. Just because he doesn't bloody serenade you to sleep every night, it doesn't mean he's not a good boyfriend. At least you HAVE a boyfriend!'

Hmph.

.

10pm- Gahh. Just got home. Had to wait as Tim- the fuckwit- kept making me rewrite my articles. Thankfully, Helen Asteria came and saved me and told him to stop being so pedantic and that my- original- answers were perfect.

WHY CAN'T SHE BE MY EDITOR AGAIN?

I asked her, but she said she can't… but mentioned I shouldn't 'take any crap' from Tim either.

Gah. Easy for her to say when she's practically the boss. Hmph. Apparently her week off was 'lovely'. I must say, she looks like she's finally caught up on a lot of much-needed sleep.

Lily and Mary have already eaten. Lily's gone to bed now because she's got an early start, and Mary is doing some pre-reading for her uni course. Hmm, I should probably start pre-reading too…

A part of me actually just wants to stay in my current full-time position. I'm really not sure how I'm going to cope with study as well as a job at the DP. I mean… it's not like working at a café or an ice creamery. It's kind of a serious-ish job.

Hmm. I guess I'll just keep working until uni starts in a few weeks and play it by ear from then.

Gah. I'm so hungry. I think I'll do a bit of upside-down lotus first, though, because I'm fairly certain it's not good to be upside down when you've just eaten. Can't be good for one's digestion!

.

11pm- Ahhh nothing like a good curry and naan.

.

12midnight- Holy shit. V. v. curry. Have been on toilet for the past hour…

.

2am- Am vomiting now. Ughh.

.

3am- Alternating between diarrhoea and vomiting. I feel dizzy…

* * *

**August 16**

**Weight: 10 st 4 (have vomited/diarrhoead it all out)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (v. stubborn)**

**Calories: 500 (in ice lollies)**

**Letters receieved: Too many to count)**

**Hours spent on the toilet: 3 (improving)**

**Money: 2 galleons (good)**

7am- Vomiting and diarrhoea stopped after I fainted. Lily discovered me on our living room floor (probably as I was running on my way to the bathroom). She gave me some drink to 'replenish my electrolytes' and said I should rest for today.

But I can't take the day off work! Not already! Am going to go to work still. I have to…

.

7.30am- But, fuck, I feel so ill. And weak. And I look like total shit.

AM NEVER EATING CURRY AGAIN. EVER. NEVER EVER AGAIN.

.

7.45am- Okay, that's a big statement. I'll just never go to Curry Crunchers again. I'm sure there are other excellent curry places with better standards of sanitation. Like 'Taj Mahal' near dad's place. We used to go there all the time and I never got sick. Hmph.

Fucking Curry Crunchers. I should sue them.

.

8am- At work. I'm going to try finishing work here asap. I don't care about responding to extra people. Am just going to do the bare minimum, and get out.

Am exercising my right to 'the sick role'. Need to rest to get better so that I can be healthy and fulfil my role in our society.

(and have enough energy to track down the cook at Curry Crunchers and kill him, while am at it).

.

1pm- Love Helen Asteria. She took one look at me, and snapped at me for even coming into work. Have finished 3 questions and she said that I should quickly show them to Tim, but to tell him that she has ordered me to leave by 2pm at the latest.

.

3pm- Home.

I think I have an extraordinary talent for vomiting on people. Mostly, this year, it's been Sirius. Unlike Sirius, I feel no remorse for vomiting on Tim. He deserved it completely. Hopefully he'll be nicer to me from now on!

He was reading through my responses, sighing and shaking his head as he does.

He then slammed them down on his disk.

'Anna,' he sighed. 'You're going to have to rework these. They're just not very _good_.'

Wanker. I think my stomach churned in rage… and that was all I needed to expel the final contents of last night's curry. I projectiled right on his chest. He was so furious and shocked, he ran out of the office screaming.

Helen Asteria then rushed in, and ordered me to go straight home. So much so, that she herself grabbed my arm and apparated me to my apartment.

'Is anyone home to look after you?' she demanded.

I went in and saw there wasn't.

'Right,' she sighed. 'Is there anyone I can fetch to look after you.'

I shook my head.

'No, it's okay. Mary and Lily are both at work. I'll be fine by myself.'

Helen sighed.

'What about Sirius? He's pretty free, these days, isn't he?'

I shifted uncomfortably. I do NOT want Sirius to see me like this (though, let's be honest, he's seen much worse).

Helen nodded.

'Right. Stay here for a few minutes. I'll go get him. Go lie in bed.'

And then she disapparated before I could disagree. God, I hope they're not shagging right now… ooh. Doorbell. I hope I don't vomit on Sirius too.

.

1am- Hmph. Sirius time was wasted (or well spent, given that I managed to avoid vomiting on him) because I pretty much fell asleep ten minutes into his 'looking after me'. He left a few hours ago, when Mary and Lily came home. I was asleep so I missed it.

Honestly, I was probably hoping for some kind of romantic moment arising from his nursing me but, let's face it, this is my life and nothing romantic is ever going to happen between Sirius and I. Hmph.

Can't sleep now. I think I've reset my body clock. Hmm… might go and watch some tv.

.

1.10am- AGH! Walked in on Lily/James snog fest on our couch. Not happy. Hmph. Wish that could be Sirius and I. Or snog fest with anyone, really. Hmm..

Okay, am going to groom self so at least look better at work tomorrow. I feel a bit weak now, but otherwise quite well. Here is my 'to do' list before tomorrow:

Pluck eyebrows/upper lip

Volumise hair (via rollers)

Shave legs/underarms

Face mask

Tint eyelashes.

* * *

**August 17**

**Weight: 10 st 3 (good!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (useless!)**

**Calories: 1200 (bad)**

**Drink units: 2 (but one with handsome neighbour, so good)**

**Letters receieved: 20**

**Neighbours met: 1 (excellent)**

**Money: 1 sickle, 2 knuts (alarming) **

.

7am- Okay, slept for a bit which is good. Am going to do face mask now…

.

8am- AGHHHH. OH HOLY CIRCE. WHYYYYY?

Was lying on the balcony outside the bathroom in nothing but bathrobe and face mask when door to the bathroom slammed shut. When I tried to open it, it was locked and I realised I'd stupidly left my wand in the bathroom with my wand.

After bashing on the door and calling for Lily and Mary to no avail (those stupid silencing charms they put on their rooms!), I realised I had to really get off the balcony somehow as would catch a cold.

I decided best thing to do would be to climb over to the next balcony and see if neighbour could let me in. Unfortunately, as I was trying not to fall off the balcony, my robe came undone and the bloody construction workers from below charmed it to fly right off me!

So there I was- naked (except for my knickers) and locked out on my own bloody balcony! Gah!

They started wolf-whistling at me (not sure why, as was only displaying rolls of fat). I became a little desperate then, and started pounding on neighbours balcony. He opened up and looked very shocked to see me. Ironically, I was v surprised to see I had an absolutely gorgeous next door neighbour.

I immediately clapped my hands over my tits in a crappy bid to protect what little modesty I had left.

'Good morning?' he said, smiling and looking a little confused. 'Can I help you?'

'Sorry,' I gushed. 'Can I come in? I'm from next door and got stuck out on my balcony and then the tradies charmed my robe off me and…'

'You'd better come in,' he said, ushering me in quickly as the tradies' calls became more insistent.

I walked in and he handed me the throw from his bed.

'Thanks,' I said gratefully. 'Really, I'm very sorry about this. I just had no way of getting back in.'

His lips twitched.

'I'm Mark,' he said, holding out a hand. 'Mark Darcie.'

'Anna Jones,' I replied, shaking his hand. 'And really- thanks.'

'Don't mention it. Can I get you coffee or something?'

I have to admit I actually considered it…

'N..no,' I stammered. 'I really need to be getting ready for work.'

'No problem,' he said, leading me to the door. 'I must say, that was the most creative way I've ever met one of my neighbours.'

I groaned, but he shrugged.

'I'll drop this off in a minute,' I said, referring to the throw.

'Drop it off tonight,' he said. 'I've actually got to be off to work.'

'Right,' I nodded. 'Yes. Okay… see you tonight!'

At which I rushed right back to the apartment, forced my way in (Lily was awake by then) and then gushed about how amazingly handsome our neighbour is to the girls (while Remus and James skulked around, not looking too pleased with this development).

'We really ought to know our neighbours better,' Lily said earnestly. 'We should invite him over for dinner!'

'What!' James exclaimed in a strangled voice. 'Why…'

'It's important to be friends with one's neighbours,' Mary said importantly.

Remus and James swapped an apprehensive look.

'Oh bollocks,' James snapped. 'I've got to go. Promised Sirius I'd jog with him this morning. Remus—you assess this Mark character. I have to say, he sounds very dodgy to me…'

Anyway. I've got to get ready for work. Mmmm… might stop by winery on way home and get a bottle of wine to thank neighbour for this morning. Mmm…

.

10am- work. Really, I ought to thank Sirius too for looking after me. Might send him a note saying thanks, and sorry for sleeping the whole time…

.

11am- Oh, har har, Sirius. This is what he sent back-

'No worries, Jones. Glad to hear you're feeling better now. Are we still on for _Chocolat_, on Friday night? I was thinking we could go out for some Indian, afterwards…

.

I'm sorry. I need to take a bit of a break from Indian takeaway. I mean, I love it and am sure we will rebuild our relationship in a few weeks' time, but for now…. I just need time to get over Monday's blow. Ugh. Just the memory of sitting on the toilet brings back shudders. Ugh. Yuk.

.

12noon- Helen Asteria isn't here, and Tim is being a full on wanker and bossing me around. He wants me to have 6 responses ready for him by 2pm. Grrrr.

Also, am now suspecting he is not, in fact, gay, but pretending to be so he can freely stare at everyone's tits. I swear I caught him looking down my top today!

Well am not going to worry about that now. Am going to go get lunch, and then possibly buy a bottle of wine for neighbour Mark Darcie…

.

3pm- I hate Tim so much. I wish someone would fire him already. He says I am 'incompetent' and has no idea how I managed to get a position at the 'esteemed' Dail Prophet.

Ugh.

All because I spelt 'blatant' wrong. I wrote 'blatent' by accidentally. Well SORRY I made one tiny little mistake…

Bleh.

Anyway. Am not going to let him get to me. Will just sit here and think about Mark Darcie… or Sirius… or both.

But not both together, as gay porn really doesn't do much for me. There was this girl in Ravenclaw- Sophie- who said it was a huge turn on for her. I remember discussing it with her once, last year. I just don't get it, though!

I mean… what is so wonderful about watching two amazingly shagadelic men… going at it with each other? At least if it's straight porn, you feel like you might have a chance.

I guess it's the same as my lesbian porn argument. Agh. Anyway…

OOOOH I wonder if Tim's been in any gay pornos? Hehe, I'm sure THAT would get him fired.

Hmm… might start doing some 'research'…

.

4pm- Ugh. This girl who works opposite me- Patchouli - just said she fancies Tim, and she's jealous that I get to work with him.

What bollocks! Tim isn't even attractive. I mean, I _may_ have thought him reasonably good looking when I first saw him but, after working with him, I have decided he is the vilest creature on this planet. Ugh.

Right. Am going to fix up these spelling mistakes and get out of here. Still need to get wine for Mark Darcie…

.

6pm- Emergency meeting with girls. Where's Lily?

Also, I am the poorest I've ever been. Am v worried.

.

6.10pm- Okay, girls are home.

.

6.30pm- Right. We opened a (different) bottle of wine and discussed the new neighbour. They think they should come by with me and say hello, but I think that, seeing as they both have boyfriends, that is unnecessary.

So the plan is that I'm going to drop by his place at 8pm, in casual sexy attire and give him bottle of wine. Then, hopefully, he'll ask me in and pour out lovely wine for both of us!

.

7.55pm- Okay… I think I look okay. Here goes nothing!

.

12 midnight-

Well, it could've been worse, let's face it. I arrived at his place, in casual (yet slimming) black dress, with bottle of wine-

'H..hi,' I stammered. 'I just wanted to give you this to thank you for this morning…'

He grinned (and I noticed he had his tie loosened in v. sexy manner.

'Thanks… oh, and do you have my throw?'

'Bollocks!' I exclaimed. 'Sorry, I forgot. One sec…'

At which I bolted back to my apartment to find Lily and Mary standing with their ears glued to our conjoining wall.

'What's going on?' Lily hissed. 'Back so soon?'

I waved at her, snatched up Mark's throw, and bolted back to his apartment. He was no longer at the door, however, but in the living area, pouring out two glasses of wine.

'Come in,' he called.

Hesitantly, I did, carefully shutting the door behind me.

'Here's your throw,' I said, placing it on a chair. 'Thanks.'

He shrugged and sat on the couch, motioning for me to join him. He handed me a glass of wine.

'Cheers,' he said, clinking my glass.

As I sipped it, I congratulated myself on picking such an excellent bottle of wine.

'So… Anna, isn't it?'

I nodded.

'What do you do?'

'Oh, I work for the Daily Prophet,' I said. 'I have a column.'

His eyes widened.

'Really! That's… wow! How come I've never seen you?'

I stared at him.

'What do you mean?' I exclaimed. 'You work there?'

'Yeah, I'm head of the 'Business' section. What column do you write?'

I blushed. I sounded so pathetic now. How does one follow a clever 'business' section, with a petty love column?

'Oh, it's this advice column in the lifestyle section,' I mumbled.

He frowned and picked up a copy of the paper from the coffee table, and laughed when he found yesterday's column.

'OH! You're that new column all the girls in my section have been talking about.'

I blushed even harder.

'They've been talking about me?'

He nodded.

'Yeah. And they sit there arguing about what advice they'd give… until I remind them that it's their job to write about the wizarding stock market, and not dish out advice to lonely girls.'

'Thanks,' I said drily.

His eyes widened.

'Oh no! I didn't mean it like that!' he said.

I decided to change the topic.

'So.. business?'

He nodded.

'Yeah, I graduated from business school about six or seven years ago, worked at Dominique for a while, and then decided I'd much rather write about business than be _in _one… and hence the job at the DP!'

Great. Another genius man to make me feel extra stupid. Just what I needed.

So after a bit more chit chatting, things became a little awkward so I excused myself with some excuse about 'work'… and left.

But I can't deny he's very, very nice. He's not fit in the Sirius sort of 'alpha male' way. I don't think he's necessarily very built and he seems quite formal and (very) clever, if a little shy at times.

Anyway, it's not like he's ever going to consider going out with me so I'll just leave it at that. After all, he made his opinion of my job pretty clear…

Speaking of, I need to sleep if I'm to deal with Tim tomorrow. Ugh.

Mmm, date with Sirius on Friday. Well, not really a 'date', but it makes me happy to pretend it is an actual date.

Agh. I miss hanging out with Sirius. Even though I only saw him the other day, it feels like we haven't seen each other in ages. Hmm…

* * *

**August 18**

**Weight: 10 st 3 (good!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5  
**

**Calories: 900 (good)**

**Hot chocolates: 15 (approx)**

**Letters receieved: 30**

**Confessions: 1 (GAH!)**

**Money: 0 (sickening. Must NEVER land self in such a state of affairs again).**

**.**

11am- I have NO money to my name. Not one knut. Am v angry with self. As I have no money, am drinking as much hot chocolate here at work to fill up as cannot even afford to buy self lunch…

Can't wait for pay day tomorrow! I think might have to actually stick to Remus' finance plan so I never land myself into such a catastrophic state of affairs again.

But oooh I think I need a new dress for date with Sirius tomorrow.

.

12 noon- And am in desperate need of mani/pedi. Cuticles have taken over my nails. Is disgusting.

.

1pm- Some of these letters I get make me v sad. I think I'm going to take a couple home tonight because these girls (presumably) need to know that they're not alone in feeling lonely.

.

1.30pm- I think I want to cry. One girl wrote in and said that she's overweight and is bullied a lot, and that she's started throwing up to try lose weight.

I wish I could meet her and make her realise that it's not worth it.

That's what I hate about simply responding by letter- I almost never receive a reply, so I rarely know if these girls are ending up okay.

I really hope they are okay though.

In a way, that letter was good to convince me that I should definitely go to Psychology school. I want to be able to properly help these girls (and boys).

.

4pm- Hm. Even Tim was nice to me today. Apparently I was 'so miserable' he 'didn't have the heart to be pedantic'.

Maybe that's the dealing with him? Act depressed. Hmm, must remember it for future reference.

Oh bollocks, desperately need the toilet. Have been going all afternnon, as a result of hot chocolate overdose. Must try holding it in a bit. Don't want people thinking I have urinary incontinence or anything.

.

5pm- Gosh! Just looked up urinary incontinence, and one can get it from weak pelvic floor muscles. THAT'S IT! I'm doing Kegels all day every day from now on!

.

8pm- Home.

Everyone is out.

So much for 'three girls partying it up' together. They're never bloody home!

.

8.10pm- I wonder if I can visit Sirius? I know I'm meant to see him tomorrow, but…

Right. Will just sit tight here, put face mask on and have a nice bath so I look lovely tomorrow.

Also, need to respond to some letters. But I feel too depressed to do it tonight.

They say it's unhealthy to bring one's work home… right?

Hmm, I wonder what Mark Darcie is doing? I hear jazzy music coming from his apartment. Maybe he's got a girlfriend over or something?

.

8.14pm- Oh Merlin. I need to see Sirius. NOW.

.

5am- Home.

Aww fuck. I'm a bit of an idiot. I've kind of just… well, landed myself in a bit of a sticky situation with Sirius.

I really ought to be getting some sleep, but it's realistically not going to happen so chronicalling the very ridiculous events of tonight is probably the best way for me to calm down.

Right. So, I decided I'd answer some letters before the bath I was meant to take, and then I received this horrible and tragic letter from a woman saying her husband was working as an officer of the law, and had been killed 'in action' and, three years later, she is still finding it really hard to cope and, with 3 young kids, she feels as though she has no one to talk to about it.

It was absolutely horrible. I felt so horrible for her… and then I thought of Sirius, and started crying at the thought of him dying, so I apparated to his place right away.

He looked surprised to see me.

'Anna?' he smiled. 'I thought we were meant to watch Chocolat on Friday?'

At which point he noticed my tear-streaked face.

'Merlin, what's happened? Are you alright?'

Instead of explaining myself, I launched myself at him and hugged him tightly.

'Anna?' he groaned. 'You're suffocating me'

I let him go, and sniffed.

'What's wrong?' he said, motioning for me to come in.

I remained on the porch.

'You can't go away,' I said desperately. 'You can't. Do you know I just got a letter from a woman who's husband died? What if that's you? Sirius…'

He sighed.

'Look, I thought we decided it was fine?'

And this is where I, Anna Jones, finally gave in and just fessed up, in my desperation:

'No, it's not!' I cried. 'Because I _need _you in my life. Even if you'll never love me or even just shag me, I need you to be alive… and if you go into your auror training thinking you're 'perfect' because you have no one who cares… then you're wrong!'

Sirius stared at me.

'Did you just say…'

At which point I realised exactly what I'd just said, and started freaking out-

'I'm drunk, don't listen to me…'

'Anna,' he said seriously (heh), and grabbing my arms firmly. 'Did you mean that? Be honest!'

I shrugged miserably. I felt like the whole situation was too far gone to be retrieved. That's the horrible thing about Sirius- I can't lie to him. I feel he knows me too well and he'd just see right through me.

'I can't help it. Maybe if you were ugly- or at least left your hair in its natural frizzy state- I'd have found this 'friend zone' thing easier to deal with. But I can't. Each time I see you, it just gets worse. It doesn't help, either, that you're probably the nicest guy I've ever known.'

'Friend zone?'

'You know- this 'just friends' business,' I snapped, feeling v embarrassed. 'Or do you see me more as a sister? Because that's the worst. If you see me as a sister, please lie and tell me you see me just as a friend. I don't think I could take it.'

Sirius started laughing, and then I became furious. I couldn't believe I'd just told him I liked him, and he was heartless enough to laugh!

'Forget it,' I snapped, walking away. 'Forget it…'

But, before I could say anything else, he pulled me to him and snogged me.

REALLY snogged me.

And, after all those hours of lusting for him and wondering what that first proper snog would be like, let me say the real thing was infinitely better.

We stumbled into his living room, but then something inside of me snapped, and I pushed him away.

'I can't be like Polly, or one of your other rebounds,' I said seriously.

'Anna,' he laughed, trying to kiss me again. 'I've tried to tell you for so long… but you're the one who has kept telling me we're 'just friends'! I've fancied you for a _long_ time.'

I pushed him away, feeling v confused.

'I'm sorry…. What?'

He shrugged.

'I've fancied you for the better part of this year. But things seemed to always get in the way. Either you were with Daniel, or then I was with Helen, or then you were having issues getting over Daniel… and then you said you just wanted to be friends…'

'Because you yourself kept saying that we were friends!' I exclaimed.

'And then we _were_ good friends,' Sirius sighed, 'and I really did- and still do- value that. I wasn't sure if I should risk it on the chance you might like me.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Like _you _honestly thought I wouldn't like you back!'

He grinned.

'I have to admit… I've had that 'friend zone' and 'brother zone' conversation with the Marauders before.'

Comprehension dawned upon me at that moment.

'_That's_ why James said Peter couldn't be with me.'

'And why I wasn't too pleased at the concept of your going out with him… yes,' Sirius admitted.

'What about Polly?' I said, suddenly.

'What about your Australian?'

I rolled my eyes.

'We all know he was a drunken mistake.'

Sirius shrugged.

'Well, Polly wasn't you, so… yeah, I couldn't go on with it either. I guess, in the end, all I wanted was you.'

'Oh.'

We stood in silence for a while. Looking back on that moment, I guess it was kind of funny.

We'd just had this huge lead up of getting to know each other, hours of lusting for him… and then, suddenly, he admits he might like me back and all I have to say is 'Oh'.

We were then thrust in this very uncomfortable silence. One which I thought would have been remedied by some snogging… but had no idea to go about achieving said snogging.

So then I did something REALLY stupid-

'It's uh… late,' I said nervously. 'I should go home. But I guess… we'll go watch that play together?'

I stopped talking when I noticed Sirius' face. He looked pretty confused.

'Okay,' I said brightly. 'Goodnight!'

I thought about kissing him, but had- FOR SOME IDIOTIC REASON- suddenly turned into a prude.

So I apparated away without another word, and proceeded to wake Lily and Mary up to tell them the horrific news. They were happy at first, and then outraged-

'Anna!' Lily screamed. 'Why didn't you just shag him? Why are you here? WHY ARE YOU HERE?'

I think you have to know Lily to know how hypocritical this sounded, coming from her.

Mary slapped me.

'Why did you have to go and have a discussion about your _feelings_? You know things are going to be awkward as hell tomorrow!' she snapped. 'He's probably at home wondering what on earth is going on!'

'You jump into bed with a crazy Australian- twice!- and you suddenly feel funny about kissing Sirius?'

I glugged down wine miserably.

'Maybe…' I said slowly, 'Maybe he's in _my _'brother-zone'?'

'NO!' Lily and Mary gasped.

I stood up, rubbing my temples.

'Then why did I feel so funny about it? The first snog was undeniably amazing… but then, when we got talking… it felt so weird! I just… gah! I can't even _think_ of shagging him right now.'

I flopped down on the couch and screamed.

'What's wrong with me?'

'Drink more!' ordered Lily, becoming pale. 'You're not thinking straight.'

She poured more wine down my throat.

'Is this what you're going to prescribe to your patients?' I mumbled.

'Anna,' Lily said seriously, 'I don't think I'll ever have a patient as hopeless at you.'

Anyway. After a lot of gabbling, and then crying on my behalf, we decided I should go straight to bed and just see how things go on our 'date' tomorrow.

And now, I keep thinking over my confession, and Sirius' reaction…

It simply makes no sense to me at ALL that he should like me. I simply can't accept that he truly likes me.

I think he was just going along with it because he is lovely and nice, and didn't want to hurt my feelings….

Maybe?

I don't know! Gah! This is such a disaster. I can't believe I'm going to say this, after a year of bitching about wanting to shag Sirius but…

I wish we could just go back to being 'friends'. Things were so much easier then.

Gah. Gah. Gah. Am going to drink more wine. I don't care if I show up to work tipsy, in a few hours.

This is by far the worst situation I've gotten myself into, this year.

FUCK!

* * *

**August 19**

**Weight: 10 st 5 (hmph)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2200 (terrible)**

**Dates: 1**

**Shags: 0 (huh)**

'**Boyfriends': 1 (would be v. good, if was certain about the situation)**

**Money: 180 galleons (YESS! HAVE MONEY AGAIN!)**

10am- Oh bloody hell. Am a nervous wreck. Even DP cheque isn't doing much for my happiness.

I can't believe I told Sirius I liked him, last night. Now things between us are going to be forever ruined. We will NEVER be as we were.

GAH. WHY AM I SO STUPID?

HOW AM I RUNNING AN ADVICE COLUMN?

WHEN I MANAGE TO DO THE MOST STUPID AND RIDICULOUS THINGS EVER!

Seriously, if there was a title for the 'World's Most Ridiculous Person', I would win it very easily.

GAH. GAH. GAH.

Okay. Must calm down. Am here to work, not to have a crisis over impending doom.

.

1pm- Am panicking again. What if Sirius plans on shagging me tonight? Oh Circe, I can't shag him! I can't! He's too good to shag. Oh fuck…

.

3pm- Right. Am v fidgety. Have barely answered 2 questions. Am going to focus on others' problems, which are much more real and serious than own petty problems…

But FUCK, I can't stop hyperventilating. I'd honestly rather resit my NEWTs.

.

5pm- Right. Finished on time, for once. Tim apparently had to leave early for some date or something.

WHY IS EVERYONE GOING ON DATES? WHY CAN'T WE ALL REMAIN PROUD SINGLETONS?

Oh goodness. Okay. I've GOT to get a grip. Am going to drop by salon downstairs and see what they can do for me in the way of mani/pedi and waxing 'down there'.

.

7pm- I am officially in love. Had the nicest beautician at the salon. Her name is Trish, and she was really lovely. She has totally calmed me down. She even did my makeup for free!

Look much better now. Eyebrows are excellently shaped, nails and feet don't look like hobbit's feet, and my female bits are nice and neat, which is really v good (just in case, obviously).

We really got chatting when she started doing my makeup-

'Have you got a boyfriend?' I asked her, as she started layering on the foundation.

'Yep,' she said.

'Have you ever gone out with a best friend?'

'Yeah, I was friends with my boyfriend before we started going out.'

I sighed.

'How did you do it? I just… we told each other last night, and it's just very weird now. Awkward.'

She laughed.

'Just get drunk for the first few times. You're probably very wound up around him because you've always had quite clear boundaries with each other.'

I considered her statement.

'That's quite true. Alcohol really does solve a lot of problems, doesn't it?' I mused.

She laughed.

'You know, once you get over that initial awkwardness, being with someone who's also your friend is the best. They treat you much better than someone you just meet and decide to date.'

'You think so?'

She nodded.

'Hmm.'

'Do you have a picture?'

I sighed and pulled out a picture from my wallet, of our group on our last day of school.

'He's the one with the 'hair'.'

She punched my arm.

'Good going, girlfriend!' she laughed. 'He's well fit!'

'I know,' I sighed. 'That's the problem! I don't understand how he could even _consider_ liking me.'

She slapped my arm, a bit more stingingly this time.

'Girl, you're beautiful! Don't sell yourself short! Hang on, I recognise you from somewhere…. Are you in the Daily Prophet?'

'Yeah, I write an advice column,' I sighed. 'Ironic, isn't it?'

Her eyes widened.

'Oh yes! Ask Anna! I love it! My friends showed it to me the other day. Oooh they'll be so jealous I met you- and did your make up!'

I laughed.

'I'm not famous or anything.'

'Well we love your column,' she said. 'It's very real advice. You should take some of your own advice!'

'Tell me about it,' I muttered.

She grinned.

'You just need to lose your inhibitions with him. And, above all, have fun! A boy like that… hoooweee!'

I laughed and couldn't help hugging her. I have to say, she did an awesome job on my makeup and nails. I have lovely gold eyeshadow and cat eye eyeliner.

'See!' she said. 'You're gorgeous!'

I went to leave, but couldn't help myself.

'Can I have a regular appointment, ever two weeks? You're amazing!'

At which she hugged me and told me to come the same time, in a fortnight. I can't wait.

I feel much calmer now. Also, feel a bit more confident as she really did an amazing job with my makeup.

Okay, am going to pick a dress for horror date and probably down a few shots before he picks me up.

Gahhh.

.

8pm- AGHHHHH HE'S HERE! WHY HAVE WE NO ALCOHOL IN THIS PLACE? GAHHHHH WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? THIS IS HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE!

Oh fuck, Lily's just let him in. I want to hide…

3am- My bed.

Sirius is, again, hogging my bed. I feel it is my dues for not shagging him yet.

Okay, so tonight…

When I came out from my bedroom, he looked a little surprised. Lily giggled, and ran off to her room (the little goblin!), leaving me alone with Sirius.

He smiled hesitantly.

'You look… you look really wonderful,' he said.

I shrugged, trying to avoid eye contact (which always leads to snogging).

'I went and got my nails done, and the beautician gave me a free makeover. She was really cool… and did a good job. Obviously I'm still ugly but…'

(YES, I WAS RAMBLING!)

'Anna,' he interrupted. 'You're always beautiful… except for when your hair was green, maybe. I have to say, it didn't really suit you.'

He smiled at me and I felt a little better that he'd ended it with a joke. All this 'I love you' and 'You're beautiful' rubbish really gets me, because he's obviously just saying it to make me feel better.

Anyway, so then we apparated to the theatre and watched Chocolat. I have to say, it seemed a LOT raunchier this time round. Each time there was a little 'look' or even a snog/shag between Vien and Roux, I felt SO awkward, and very aware of Sirius sitting right next to me.

I had my arms crossed the whole time, so there was no weird hand-holding or anything.

Afterwards, we walked back home and that was probably the most enjoyable part of the entire evening. We just chatted about work and his training- which still upsets me, though (ironically) a little less now that we're in this weird sort of 'together'.

When we reached my place, it got a little awkward again.

THIS IS WHAT I HATE. BEFORE, ASKING SIRIUS IN WAS A GIVEN. IT WOULD HAVE NO SEXUAL CONNOTATION WHATSOEVER.

This time, however, I bloody hesitated because I wasn't sure how he'd take it! GAH!

Anyway, he came in and, as Mary and Lily were sitting on the couch watching a movie (the bitches kept smirking at us), I gave up and suggested we go to my room instead.

I sat on my bed tentatively, and Sirius sat next to me. Ironically, I suddenly felt a lot more comfortable now that we were on my bed. I'm not sure why…

Sitting on the bed, however, reminded me of Sirius' sleeping habits-

'Can I ask you a question?' I asked.

'Sure.'

'You slept in the same bed as Helen at some point, didn't you?'

'Yes…' said Sirius slowly.

'Did she ever say anything about your being a bed-hog?'

Sirius laughed. I think he was expecting a _serious _(heh) question.

'Yeah,' he laughed. 'But she'd just hex me whenever I imposed on her space.'

I laughed.

'That's a good idea. I'll remember that.'

We lay in silence for a while.

'Have you heard from your parents?' Sirius asked.

We must have hit an all-time low if he was asking me about my parents.

'Yeah, Dad sent a postcard from Australia and Mum… well, she's not speaking to me at the moment.'

Sirius laughed.

'I'm sure she'll come round.'

'Do you think they'll be okay?' I said slowly.

'Who?'

'My parents… Julio seems nice. I'm still unsure about Shirley, though. She kind of threatened me before the wedding.'

Sirius sat up.

'How?'

'Told me not to ruin her wedding. I guess she had a point.'

Sirius laughed.

'I don't know that counts as her 'threatening' you. Your track record isn't great., you know… and both weddings just proved her point!'

We laughed and I moved over and rested my head on his chest. Was v. nice. He put his arm around me and hugged me to him.

Unfortunately, the moment didn't last, because I had to go and open my mouth-

'I still don't get why you're interested in me.'

Sirius sat up, suddenly.

'Anna,' he said heavily. 'Is that your problem? That you don't believe I love you?'

'You love me?'

'Well of course!' he exclaimed.

I hopped off the bed.

'What do you mean 'of course'?' I said suspiciously. 'What's so obvious about your loving me?'

He lay back on the bed and groaned.

'You're impossible. I have a headache.'

I peered at him.

'I don't believe you.'

He sighed and sat up, ruffling his (falsely shiny) hair.

'If there was a potion that boosted confidence, I'd spike your tea every morning,' he sighed. 'Right. Let's look at your track record of low confidence…'

I raised my eyebrows.

'You always call yourself 'stupid'.'

'I do stupid things all the time,' I interrupted. 'You yourself just pointed out the wedding disasters…'

'And yet you got wonderful NEWT marks- 2 Outstandings, no less, which is better than Remus or Mary did.'

I rolled my eyes.

'I was lucky. If you didn't teach me Transfiguration the night before…'

'But that's not the point!' he exclaimed. 'You still had to memorise it all, and then be able to perform the tasks!'

'That's one example,' I said. 'I call that a fluke.'

'What about your Daily Prophet job? They love you there!'

I shrugged.

'I was lucky Helen Asteria likes me. Otherwise, I wouldn't even have the job.'

'Yes,' Sirius reasoned, 'but she likes you for a reason- and it's because you pretty much solved half the issues that office had in your first week there!'

'That doesn't mean anything!' I exclaimed. 'I didn't really do anything other than stating the obvious!'

'Well that's what I bloody like about you!' Sirius snapped. 'I like that you state the obvious, and that you don't have any pretences or take yourself too seriously. I know you'll never believe me, but _I _happen to believe you're quite clever and if you do something ridiculous, I love it because it shows you're not afraid to put yourself out there and have a bit of fun with your life.'

I stared at him, and then started laughing. I couldn't help it.

He looked furious with me.

'What's funny?' he exclaimed. 'I wasn't joking!'

Suddenly, the door opened and Mary appeared.

'Oh no,' she sighed. 'Is she refusing to shag you, Sirius? Trust me, I want to slap her too. All year, I've listened to her moaning that you will shag anyone _but_ her, and now that you're up for it, she suddenly becomes a prude.'

I glared at Mary.

'That _wasn't_ what we were discussing, thank you,' I said primly.

Mary rolled her eyes.

'Well, when you do decide to shag, make sure you put a silencing charm on the door.'

I threw a pillow at Mary, who giggled.

'Okay, okay… fine! Goodnight you two…'

She then disappeared. I turned to Sirius, feeling quiet mortified. He, on the other hand, looked quite pleased with himself.

'What are you grinning about?' I snapped, lying back on the bed.

'You've wanted to shag me all year?'

'Curiously, the desire's gone.'

'Has it?'

'Mmm.'

We turned to look at each other, and laughed again. Then, I started giggling.

'What?'

'I can't shag you now,' I giggled.

'Why?' he pouted.

'Because we've just discussed it.'

'So?'

'So… it's not spontaneous. Shagging should be spontaneous. I'm a firm believer in that. Also…'

I paused.

'Now that I'm imagining it, I think I'd giggle throughout it.'

Sirius slapped his forehead.

'You're impossible!'

I sat up.

'Come on! It's just… funny. Don't you think it'd be funny? Us… shagging?'

Sirius frowned.

'Anna, am I too firmly entrenched in your 'friend zone'?'

I whimpered.

'I don't know!'

'Well fuck.'

'Indeed.'

'How do we fix this?'

I bit my lip.

'Trish- my beautician- suggested we get really drunk.'

'You discussed this with your _beautician?_' he said, surprised.

'I had to talk to _someone_ about it!'

'Right… let's go.'

'Where?'

'To your liquor cabinet!'

I snorted.

'Sorry, Mr Fancypants- we don't have one. Also, I finished all our wine last night. Lily forced me to.'

'She did?'

I nodded.

'Yes. I was in a state.'

Sirius sat up, looking alarmed.

'Does the concept of us being together freak you out that much?'

I laughed.

'No. Not now. I just… it's easy being friends with you. I feel that's where I deserve to be.'

Sirius groaned.

'I knew it was about this! Anna, I'm not that amazing. Trust me, I'd be _lucky_ to be with you.'

'Yeah… okay,' I muttered.

'You're starting to annoy me now.'

'Okay.'

'I think we should just sleep.'

'Good idea. Don't hog the bed, tonight.'

'I'll try not to, as the idea of my touching you might set off a giggle attack in you.'

Unfortunately, I started giggling again at this point, and Sirius looked furious.

'Okay, I'm going home. I've had enough of this…'

I sat up quickly and took his hand.

'Noooo! Stay!' I pouted, still trying not to giggle.

He lay back down, still looking quite annoyed.

'Can I ask you a question?' he said drily.

'Sure.

'Were you like this with Daniel?'

I stopped giggling immediately.

'Don't talk about him,' I snapped.

'Seriously… were you?'

'No. But it was different. I didn't really know him.'

'Maybe I should wipe your memory of me,' Sirius muttered.

I hit him.

'Don't you dare! I like my memories of you!'

'Anna… I have to tell you, I've never felt so inadequate with a girl. Even my first time was easier than this.'

I sighed.

'Sorry.'

'You should be.'

'How can I apologise?' I said, grinning.

He raised an eyebrow (I think it's v sexy when he does this, so it was good he did it at this point) and turned to face me.

'Hmm.'

And so I did it. I got over myself, leant forward, and kissed him. And I didn't giggle, or find it funny at all, because it was bloody amazing.

But, I have to say, it was different because, suddenly, my skin felt super-sensitive. And it never felt like that with Daniel, and especially not with Rob. It's hard to explain, but it kind of felt like my skin was on fire.

After a very long snog, we broke apart, panting. He looked into my eyes and, again, he looked so honest and hopeful that it wasn't funny at all. It kind of made my chest feel so full that it would burst open at any second. I think that's what love feels like, maybe. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Anyway, he then pulled me to lie on his chest- the part just below his shoulder, and he put his arm around me and we just sort of lay there in silence until we both fell asleep.

But, of course, I woke up again when he kicked me out of my own bed. But hmm, he really is v lovely.

Does he really love me? I can't believe it! I just… I can't!

Hmm… will lie here and stare at him for the rest of the night. I know it sounds creepy, but he's so beautiful I don't care!

* * *

**It FINALLY happened! Are you all happy? It's not quite as we all expected/hoped though, is it? Things are a little awkward at the moment… will things change, by the next chapter?**

'_A couple… yes. But never, ever a Smug one. I will not vilify any singletons with our couple-ness!'_

AND

'_ARGH! MY HAIR IS FUCKING PERMED! THE HAIRDRESSER DIDN'T EVEN ASK!'_

**Finally… Happy Halloween! To get into the Halloween spirit, make sure you leave me a review!**

**Love, Anya**


	31. Chapter 31: August 20 to 25

**August 20**

**Weight: 10 st 4**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: ? (too many!)**

**Shags: 0 (excellent)**

**Time spent with boyfriend: 10 mins (also, quite good)**

'**Boyfriends': 1 (v good)**

**Money: 100 (TERRIBLE! Have spent half salary in less than 2 days!)**

* * *

7am- Ahh, is lovely to have house and bed to myself. Am going to lie here and sleep for a bit (as didn't get much with Sirius in my bed, last night).

He himself left v early in the morning at approx 6am. This is how he greeted me-

(With his eyes still closed) 'Anna, stop staring at me.'

I nearly fell off the bed.

'Wha…what?' I stammered.

'You're staring at me,' he muttered. 'I can feel it.'

I crossed my arms.

'Well I need to be on my guard when I'm sharing a bed with you. I never know when you're going to kick me out! If we're to work out, you're really going to have to work very hard on your sleeping habits because, at the moment, they're not conducive for a healthy relationship!'

He groaned and rolled over.

'Anna, do you think you could shut up? I've got to leave in a bit to go jogging with James …'

I stared at him, becoming v indignant. What a way to speak to me! Instead of sacrificing ten minutes of sleep to try snogging me, or telling me how lovely I am, he tells me to shut up!

Hmph. I wonder if he spoke to Helen Asteria in that way. Somehow, I sincerely doubt it.

Feeling v stroppy, I got out of bed.

'Oh Merlin… where are you going?' he muttered.

'Not that it's any of your business, but I'm going to the bathroom,' I snapped, leaving my room miserably. On my way back to the bedroom, I was assaulted by a bleary-eyed Mary.

'So!' she hissed. 'Did he shag you? Was it amazing?'

I rolled my eyes and sat at the kitchen table as she poured out some tea for us both.

'No,' I sighed. 'We didn't shag. It's a good thing too, because I'm not sure I like his bedroom manner!'

'Bedroom manner!' exclaimed Mary. 'What do you mean? You've slept together before!'

'Yes, and I always hate it,' I sighed. 'He's always kicking me out of the bed. To make things worse, when he woke up just now he told me to 'stop staring at him' and, when I started chatting, he told me to 'shut up'!'

Mary bit her lip.

'Oh dear. That doesn't sound good.'

'I know! Now, I'm not an expert on relationships, but I'm pretty sure we're not doing too well so far.'

Mary went and made some toast.

'You know,' she mused. 'Maybe you really were just meant to be good friends?'

I grabbed a piece of toast and lavished it with glorious butter (I love butter. It makes my world a happier place).

'I'm beginning to think just that,' I sighed. 'I mean… shut up! He told me to shut up!'

'Hmm…'

'Maybe,' I said, taking another slice of toast, 'Maybe we're too comfortable with each other. Maybe he thinks we don't need to put any effort into being in a relationship.'

'Yes,' Mary nodded. 'That could well be the case.'

We sat in silence for a while. After a minute, Sirius appeared at my door, fully dressed. I have to say, he looked a bit terrible. His eyes were all squinty and his face was a bit puffy from sleep.

'I've got to go,' he croaked. 'Jog with James.'

Mary and I exchanged a look.

'Okay,' I said, getting up and seeing him to the door.

He looked at me hesitantly for a moment.

'I'd kiss you, but I've got morning breath.'

'Lovely,' I said drily.

He grinned.

'Okay… well… I'll see you.'

He patted me awkwardly on the arm, before disapparating. I shut the door quickly and ran back to Mary, distraught.

'Did you hear…'

Mary nodded gravely.

'Yes, I did. Oh Anna… I don't know what to say!'

I tugged at my hair.

'Does Remus ever refuse to kiss you because of morning breath?'

Mary shook her head.

'No. He keeps a toothbrush in his bag. It's quite cute, actually. He always gets up really early to brush his teeth so he can kiss me as soon as I wake up.'

I felt like crying.

'Wow… that's nice.'

Mary sighed.

'But really, Anna, Sirius does like you. We all know that. I think you both just need to find your feet as a 'couple'.'

I cringed at the word, and Mary laughed at me.

'Look, Anna, you both like each other. Why don't you just think of him as you did before you admitted liking him. Don't get so bogged down by the concept of being in a relationship that you forget who Sirius is, and why you liked him in the first place.'

That made me feel much better.

'Maybe you should write my advice column,' I said wryly.

Mary laughed.

'No thanks. Your editor Tim sounds like a bit of a wanker.'

'Yeah… he is.'

Anyway. We chatted about our jobs, and then discussed Mary's horrid boss, whom we call 'Vile Richard', before I decided I'd go back to bed and catch up on a bit more sleep before going into work.

.

11.30am- Work: I want my weekend back! I highly dislike working on a Saturday morning. At least it's quieter today, as most of the 'weekend' articles were finished by Friday.

At least have tomorrow off. Agh. It's been such a long and eventful week, what with the diarrhoea, and then working every day, and then the whole Sirius relationship debacle…

Oooh, apparently there's a sale on at Malkin, by Malkin Couture. Unlike Malkin Couture, 'Malkin' is actually affordable. It's on at the 'Dungeon Warehouse' for tonight and tomorrow. Might grab the girls and go for a spot of late night shopping tonight…

.

12 noon- YESSS! Just found out Tim has called in sick today. Have to work with Lea instead. Have never worked with her before, but she seems okay.

.

2pm- Am home already! Is v lovely to work with a decent editor. Lea approved my articles for tomorrow and Monday instantly, and said to 'go and enjoy my weekend'!

YESS! Okay, am going to round up the girls so we can check out the 'Malkin' sale.

.

6pm- Oh dear. The sale was a little _too _good. So good, that I bought 80 galleons worth of clothes, shoes, gloves, scarves and belts.

But they're so lovely! Am going to go purge wardrobe of ugly clothes, which I haven't worn for a year.

Will be a v cleansing task.

.

7pm- Am finding it v difficult to throw anything out, as a lot of my clothes hold sentimental value. Hmm. Have shrunk the clothes I _should_ throw out and put them in a little corner of the wardrobe, so that at least wardrobe seems nice and tidy.

Also, have thrown out all tracksuit pants, sloppy sweaters and baggy jeans to encourage me to dress nicely at all times- even when am just sitting at home, lounging about the house. Okay, we're going to procure some dinner… somehow.

.

8pm- Oooh! We saw Mark Darcie on our way back up to the apartment. He was v nice. We have invited him over for a glass of wine. He's currently chatting away to Mary & Lily who are both (I suspect) secretly in love with him.

.

9pm- Mark Darcie has just left, leaving a very good impression on both Mary and Lily.

On his way out, he said that he and I should get lunch some time next week.

Why is the concept of going out with…well… _anyone else_ so much easier than the concept of going out with Sirius? Why?

Speaking of, I wonder what he's doing tonight? Why hasn't he come by or even sent me a note to ask me how my day's been? Agh.

I think things will be better once we've shagged each other. But with him leaving in 10 days, and us not seeing each other too often, I wonder if this relationship even has a future!

Agh. Am depressed now. Right. Will just get to sleep so I can enjoy day off, tomorrow.

* * *

**August 21**

**Weight: 10 st 3 (better)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Drinks: 2 (excellent, given went out)**

**Calories: 900 (v. good!)**

**Hair: Permed (horrific)**

**Shags: 0 (excellent)**

'**Boyfriends': 1 (v good)**

**Lust for Sirius: Improving (v. good!)**

**Money: 100 (TERRIBLE! Have spent half salary in less than 2 days!)**

**.**

10am- Was flipping through Witch Weekly, and just saw some very wonderful hair cuts. I feel I should do something interesting with my hair, now that I have all these lovely new clothes.

I am in a new phase of my life- new relationship, new clothes, (relatively new) job, new families, and soon to be new uni course.

I feel I should commemorate it with a new haircut. Am going to get a fringe, and cut my hair so it is just below my shoulders. Am v excited. Will go to Trish's salon.

.

10.04am- Don't want Sirius to leave. I really must shag him before he leaves. Would be horrific for him to go, with our relationship still being unconsummated…

.

10.11am- Will forget about his leaving. Is v. bad for me to accelerate the natural order of our relationship because he is leaving in a few weeks. Will take mother's advice for once, and not jump into bed straight away. Hah. Maybe I'll make him marry me first. I think I'd believe he likes me if he married me.

.

10.12am- Then again, judging by his reaction to Jamily's engagement, he is not likely to be proposing to anyone, any time soon… especially not me.

.

10.13am- Okay. Am waiting for haircut, which is at 10.20am. Will read some more Witch Weekly…

.

10.14am- Someone is screaming a lot in the 'waxing area' of the salon…

Oh Merlin- he's waxed me. He's seen me naked! Several times! And now that we're together, am oddly keen to abstain from shagging? I realise how hypocritical this must seem…

.

12 noon- ARGH! MY HAIR IS FUCKING PERMED! THE HAIRDRESSER DIDN'T EVEN ASK!

I nearly died when I saw the final result. Trish saw my face, and then told the hairdresser off for perming without my consent, and said that the haircut was 'on the house', and to come back tomorrow and she herself will fix it. She assures me my hair will look as good as new, but I have to wait 24 hours before reversing the perm.

OH MY SWEET CIRCE. I NEED A HAT… RIGHT AWAY!

.

3pm- Am answering leftover Ask Anna questions in a bid to distract myself. If Sirius comes over, he's not allowed to see me. I can't believe I'm going to say this… but I looked better bald.

.

1 am- I think I love Sirius…. Even more.

He laughed when he first saw me (fucking Lily let him into my room, even though I'd given her firm instructions that he was on no accounts to see me).

But I was so upset that he'd seen me, that he did something I never thought he'd do-

He charmed his hair to go to its natural frizzy state.

I was so touched that I snogged him then and there, and it got quite heated, I must say. He laughed afterwards-

'Is my natural hair some strange kind of turn on for you?' he said, looking at his reflection with revulsion (so, so vain!)

I laughed.

'No… I was just touched you did that to make me feel better, that's all.'

He put the mirror away with a shudder (HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE _ME _FEEL!) and kissed me again, grinning.

'Can I ask you something?'

'Mm?

'Have I given you the impression that I'm really horrible or something?'

'No!' I exclaimed.

'So why do you seem to be constantly surprised when I do something nice for you, these days?'

'Because I'm constantly surprised that someone who is as nice as you wants to snog me.'

He grinned.

'Mmm… good idea.'

And he proceeded to snog me some more (though, I have to say, is much nicer snogging him when his hair is straight, as is nicer to run my hands through… but he's still amazing nonetheless).

We were interrupted by Mary, who banging on the door.

'Oi! Smug Couples! Quit shagging. We're all going out to celebrate your finally getting over yourselves!'

Sirius' eyes widened.

'I can't go out in public with hair like this!' he exclaimed, becoming pale.

I hit him.

'And you expect ME to go out in public my hair!'

He ignored me, and rushed to my wardrobe, straightening his hair frantically.

'I can't believe you,' I snapped. 'I thought you were trying to make me feel better about myself!'

'Yeah… in the privacy of your own room,' he called. 'Sorry, but in public you'll have to walk alone.'

I rolled my eyes, found a beanie, and walked out into the kitchen.

'Where's Sirius?' asked Peter.

I snorted.

'Being vain.'

'Did you mess up his hair?' grinned James.

I laughed.

'Yeah… that's pretty much it. He's the most vain person I've ever met!'

'I know,' sighed Remus. 'I remember once his batch of Madam Sleakeasy potion arrived a day late, and he refused to go to classes that day.'

'So you know about his hair?' I said.

'We know, but have never seen it,' Peter said.

'What?' Mary quipped. 'What's his natural hair?'

I snorted.

'Pretty similar to mine at the moment,' I said.

James' eyes widened.

'You've _seen _it?'

'He's currently straightening his hair. He made it natural to make me feel better about myself.'

'Awww!' Lily and Mary sighed.

I glared at them.

'But he won't go out in public with it!'

'But you've seen it,' said Remus. 'And that in itself is a big step for Sirius.'

You'd think he was recovering from some traumatic incident or something, the way they were talking about his hair. Honestly!

Anyway, 10 minutes later, Sirius emerged with freshly straightened hair (I have to admit that it did look better). I refused to speak to him on our way to Witchy Business, but then gave in when we actually arrived, as the other Smug Couples had gone their separate ways.

We sat at our table for a bit.

'it's so weird,' I said. 'I'm so used to you and I sitting here, bitching about their being Smug Couples.'

He laughed.

'And now we're a Smug Couple?'

'No!' I gasped. 'We must _never_ be a Smug Couple!'

'But…'

'A couple… okay. But _never, ever_ a Smug one. I will not vilify any singletons with our couple-ness.'

Sirius rolled his eyes at me, told me to shut up, and pulled me to the dance floor.

(I have to admit… I think I'm a _bit_ of a secret Smug Couple. It's v nice going out and not sitting there all night, wishing someone would care enough to ask me to dance)

After dancing for a bit, James unfortunately convinced Sirius to have a shot-contest with him (am v. annoyed James didn't ask ME, his usual drinking partner!)… which meant Sirius was v sloppily drunk for the rest of the evening. So much so, that I gave up on his recovering any sense of sobriety, and took him back to my place. I've put a bucket next to the bed, in case he needs to hurl during the night.

Ahh… and they say romance is dead. Hmph.

The strange thing is… I think I might've shagged him tonight. I really got over my issues with it. I think he had me with the hair…

Oh well. I guess there's no harm in putting it off…

* * *

**August 22**

**Weight: 10 st 2 (prospect of future shagging is **_**excellent**_** for the waistline!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Drinks: 1 (good)**

**Calories: 1200 (not bad)**

**Hair: Normal again (thank GOODNESS for that!)**

**Snogs: several (gahh)**

**Shags: 0 (horrific)**

**Boys in my bed: 0 (hmph)**

**Lust for Sirius: Back with a vengeance!**

**Money: 99 (better)**

**.**

5am- Gah! Sirius kicked me out of bed… again. Fucking hell. He is such an S.S. (Selfish Sleeper). Maybe I should put up some invisible barrier between us?

.

5.30am- AGAIN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT BOY?

.

6am- Hmph. Peter is passed out on couch. Can't sleep there. Fucking hell. Mary is sleeping with Remus, and Lily has James in her bed.

AND THEIR BOYFRIENDS ARE ALL CONSIDERATE BED-SHARERS, WHO DON'T KICK THEIR GIRLFREINDS OUT OF BED, WHILE SLEEPING.

If he does it again, am going to slap him.

.

6.30am- Oh, for fuck's sake. This is ridiculous. From now on, Sirius isn't allowed to sleep over. I need my sleep!

.

7am- GAH! Slapped him, and then he slapped me back in my sleep… and proceeded to KICK ME OFF THE BED AGAIN!

I wonder if I can hop into bed with Peter? I don't care what Sirius says. Am going to.

.

8am- Gah. Sirius just woke up and shouted at Peter for sleeping with me. Peter, confused, said he never slept with him. Then, I woke up (WHY IS HE ALWAYS INTERRUPTING MY SLEEP?) and shouted that it was because he is such an S.S, and that after being kicked out of my own bed at least a dozen times throughout the evening, I gave up and hopped into bed with Peter, who is not only very considerate, but v. quiet (Sirius was snoring worse than a hippogriff!)

Sirius has since left in a huff, muttering something about study (LIAR!)

Honestly, why is he so sensitive? He needs to grow a pair.

Anyway… off to work, and then am finally getting my hair de-permed during lunch break. CANNOT WAIT!

.

1pm- I feel like one of the models from a hair commercial. I keep swinging my normal, sleek and shiny hair around going 'yes, yes,' as though am having orgasm.

Except haven't had an orgasm in quite a while. Given the foul temper Sirius was in when he stormed off this morning, it seems quite unlikely I'm to experience one any time soon. Huh.

.

9pm- Hmph. Haven't heard from Sirius all day. Am assuming he's still in a strop.

Well I don't care. I refuse to apologise for trying to have a few hours of sleep… especially when I have a full day of work ahead of me!

Am going to play cards with Lily now. She is going to teach me how to play Poker. Apparently Pottyhead taught her.

.

11pm- I want to become awesome at Poker, and then live the life of a high-roller. Sounds v glamorous.

Hmph. Why hasn't Sirius contacted me yet? Hmph. Hmph. Hmph.

.

11.11pm- Lucky time… and yet no letter or visit from him. Really ought to get to sleep for work tomorrow.

.

12 midnight- Hmph. Lily says not to give in, as he will gain the upper hand for rest of relationship if I do. Hah, as if he didn't have that already.

.

12.30am- Just thought of something… what if he's gone back to Polly? We ran into her on our way out of the pub last night….

OH FUCK! WHAT IF HE'S SHAGGING HER RIGHT NOW?

Am going to break in to his house and catch him red-handed.

I mean, how dare he! After what he went through with Helen, and then what I went through with Daniel… one would think he would have the decency to not fucking cheat on me. It's just cruel.

.

1.30am- Home.

Ummm… yes.. I think Sirius thinks I'm v crazy now. I tried to creep into his room surreptitiously, but then tripped over his shoe and woke him up.

He looked v shocked to see me and asked what the hell I was doing breaking into his house.

On a positive note, at least he wasn't shagging Polly… right?

I think relationship is poss. over now. Great. Have gone and ruined the 2nd… or probably 3rd, actually, good thing to happen to me all year… a few days into relationship.

Am a complete failure. Should walk right into DP tomorrow and resign as am obviously unfit to ever give relationship advice, or advice of any kind, really.

Agh! There's knocking at the door. Is probably Auror dept, with a restraining order, demanding I never come within 100 feet of Sirius.

Hmph. Don't want to answer door.

.

3am-

Was Sirius. He knocked on the door for a whole 3 minutes, waking everyone up.

'Oh my god!' Lily exclaimed, coming out in nightgown, her wand at the ready. 'Is someone trying to rob us?'

'Anna! Answer the door,' called Sirius.

'Holy fuck,' Mary groaned, her hair a spectacular bed mess. 'You two have serious issues. Answer the damn door already and try not to screw up… again.'

She slammed her bedroom door shut. Lily gave me a small encouraging smile, before disappearing back to her room.

I sighed, and opened the door. Sirius stood there, looking magnificently haughty and handsome, wearing nothing but a singlet and pyjama pants.

'You woke everyone up,' I whispered, ushering him into my room and putting a silencing charm on.

'Well, you woke me up!' he retorted. 'What was that?'

'What?' I said innocently.

'I know I didn't dream your breaking in,' he snapped.

I raised my eyebrows.

'I don't know what you're talking about.'

'Anna,' he sighed. 'I have to get up early. Just tell me what's going on.'

I sighed and sat next to him.

'Fine. You were pissed off at me this morning.'

'I was hungover.'

'Yes, but you left in a strop.'

'Well, I can't say I was thrilled to find you in bed with Peter.'

'Well that's very unfair given the same thing happened with you and Lily only the other week,' I retorted.

'Okay… so you felt the need to break into my house to… what?'

'You never messaged me,' I said in a small voice.

He frowned.

'I was studying the pre-reading with James today.'

I pursed my lips and he looked at me with scrutinising eyes.

'What is it?'

I shrugged.

'Forget it. I have to go to work tomorrow, you've got to get up early… just forget it…'

'I'm not leaving until you explain why you felt the need to break into my house,' he said, settling himself down on my bed.

'Can I snog you instead of telling you the answer?' I said hopefully.

'Hah… no.'

'Shag?'

He considered it for a moment.

'Still no… though we'll discuss _that_ later.'

I threw up my hands.

'Fine. I thought you were shagging Polly'

Sirius sat up and looked at me incredulously.

'Why the fuck would you think that?'

'Well… because we haven't shagged yet and you two obviously did. And you ran into her last night…and then you were also in a strop with me and never messaged me or anything so naturally I assumed…'

'NATURALLY!' he exclaimed. 'Anna, that is the most far-fetched conclusion I've ever heard. There is nothing 'natural' about it!'

I sighed miserably.

'And I would never do that to you anyway,' he said quietly. 'Just know it.'

I hugged my knees to my chest.

'So…' he drawled. 'Did you miss me, then?'

I blushed.

'No. Shut up. I went and had a very productive day _without_ you. You barely crossed my mind. You'll also notice my hair is normal again.'

'Yes,' Sirius murmured. 'I did notice that. It's very nice.'

'Thank you. I think so too.'

'Okay… can we just agree that no one is to break into the other's house in the future?'

I shrugged and lay back. Then, he smiled and started kissing my neck (am a HUGE fan of neck kissing!)

'Has anyone ever told you you're crazy?' he murmured.

'Yep. Someone manages to make a point of telling me at least once a day,' I said, finding it hard to concentrate as he started kissing a particular sensitive point in my neck.

He smirked, and the stopped. I was very disappointed at this.

'I've got to go,' he said lightly, hopping off the bed. 'Try to get through tomorrow without doing anything _too _dramatic,' he added.

I looked at him sullenly, and he winked.

'Later, lover.'

Lover. Huh. I don't know how he's done it, but in 2 short days he's managed to totally escape being dangerously entrenched in the 'friend zone' and flung himself straight into my 'SHAG INSTANTLY' zone.

It's v horrible. Also, is it strange that we seem to be arguing so much? I swear we got along much better when we were just friends. Then again, I think it's all this arguing that makes him so bloody shag-able.

Gah!

* * *

**August 22**

**Weight: 10 st 2 (still ok)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Drinks: 0 (excellent)**

**Calories: 1000 (perfect!)**

**Coffee: 5 (but work day so acceptable)**

**Money: 95 (ok)**

.

8.50am- Meeting room, at work.

Downed 2 coffees before coming to work. Am v tired. Sirius is ruining my life. Don't know why I ever thought telling him was in love with him would be a good idea. Was much better when we were friends, and I kept him as a secret fantasy. At least I didn't do crazy things like break into his house at 1am or bounce around the apartment like a madwoman, waiting for a note from him.

I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAVE TURNED INTO _THAT_ SORT OF GIRLFRIEND.

.

8.51am- If even am his girlfriend. Who knows? Ah. Helen Asteria is here. She looks lovelier than. Honestly makes no sense why he didn't just forgive her and continue having beautiful relationship with her beautiful person.

.

8.55am- Lovely. Helen Asteria asked me if am okay, because apparently I look 'very tired.'. Gahhhh. I think I'll get another coffee to stay awake during the meeting.

.

11am- My desk.

Okay. Will be v. diligent and get my answers done right away. Keeping busy is the best way of forgetting Sirius…

.

11.30am- OH FUCKING HELL..SIRIUS!

Just received Dear Anna' letter from him. This is what my stupid git of a boyfriend (I'll call him that for convenience) wrote:

_Dear Anna,_

_I think I'm in love with a madwoman. At first, she was just a friend- but then she confessed her love for me a few nights ago and I told her I felt the same way._

_Ever since then, however, she's been acting so strangely! That very night, after I admitted my own feelings, she left suddenly and has only become crazier since. Why, last night she broke into my house because she assumed that I must be sleeping with an ex-girlfriend. She deduced this from the mere fact that I hadn't messaged her throughout the day._

_Any advice on how to deal with such a girlfriend would be very much appreciated. She means a lot to me, but her antics are making me scared for my life._

_Kind Regards,_

_S.B._

.

I KNOW. I'M GOING TO RESPOND TO IT AND PUT IT IN TOMORROW'S DP. HAH. BET HE WON'T EXPECT _THAT_! HAHAHAHA

.

11.35am-

Okay, here is my response.

_Dear S.B._

_I think you're being quite insensitive to your girlfriend. Given you were previously friends, she is obviously having issues adjusting to the change in your relationship status. I think it is only fair that you give her some time and space to allow her to slowly adapt to the romantic aspect of your relationship._

_Further, while her breaking into your house is perhaps a little extreme… can you honestly blame the girl? It was very cruel of you not to message her for a whole day. You claim to care for her… but you couldn't be bothered to send her a quick note to let her know you're thinking of her? _

_It seems to me that the Pot is calling the kettle Black._

_Regards,_

_Anna_

.

HAHAHA. Am v proud of the last line- pot calling the kettle black. Hehehe.

Okay, v. good. Have answered one, and need to do 4 more. Hopefully will be done by lunch break.

.

1pm- Gah. Have only answered 2 more. I wonder if 3 is enough? Helen Asteria wants to go to lunch. Hmm, hope it's no where expensive…

.

1.30pm- Love this job. We went to Waif and had lovely lunch using the company credit account. Love Helen Asteria for asking me to lunch.

She told me all about her week off. Apparently her husband also took the week off and they spent the entire week just lying on the beach and relaxing and (presumably) shagging.

She also said to 'thank Sirius' for helping her out. Huh. I won't be thanking HIM for anything anytime soon.

She asked me about my parents' weddings and told her most of it. She laughed hysterically when I told her about my bee sting near-death. (v. cruel of her, really!)

She also says is okay for me to only answer 3-4 questions a day as, obviously, have less time as it needs to be approved before I leave work at 6.

.

7pm- Huh. Helen Asteria is clever. As Tim is away on a conference (thank goodness!) she edited my responses today.

Unfortunately, she instantly recognised that the Sirius letter was from Sirius… which lead to an unpleasant interrogation.

Oddly enough, she seemed to find it hilarious and said that she's been wondering 'why it's taken us so long' to admit we like each other.

Huh.

Anyway. She, lovely woman that she is, agreed to publish his article because she thinks he needs to learn not to vilify me at work. Hehe. Love her for being so chillaxed about this. She said my answer was quite good nonetheless, but hopes it won't encourage girls to break into their boyfriends' houses…

Am going to reply to 20 letters which I brought home with me. Also, I really ought to clean the bathroom…

.

7.20pm- Having a 'boyfriend' has made me remarkably productive. Bathroom is sparkling clean. Might clean the rest of the house while I'm at it…

.

8pm- There! Apartment is spotless! Am sure Lily and Mary will be v impressed. Hehe…

.

9pm- Feel v. accomplished- like anonymous fairy godmother. Have sent off the 20 letters using my DP owl (another perk of the job! I now have an Owl. Am calling him Owl, as he is not exactly mine to keep and hence don't want to form an attachment by giving him an actual name).

Am v. pleased with myself. Helping others solve their problems has made me realise I am a strong, poised and caring woman, and I won't be taken advantage of by sexy (yet immature) boyfriend.

Oh dear… I think sexy and immature boyfriend is in the apartment. I hear Lily talking to him in the kitchen. Ahhh! Where can I hide?

.

9.01pm- Is it ridiculous that I'm hiding from my boyfriend? This isn't poised or mature OR strong. Am going to emerge like an ethereal beauty, and exert my feminine charm. Like Helen Asteria or Cleopatra.

.

11pm- It seems Sirius is impervious to all charm but his own. He is currently in the living room watching television with Remus. This is what happened.

'Oh hello,' I said, in ethereal and calm voice. 'How are you?'

He grinned cheekily.

'How was work?'

'Wonderful,' I said (this is also truthful). 'I love my job.'

'That's good,' Sirius said, peering at me intently (no doubt to try achieving some kind of reaction from me).

'Yes, it is. '

'Did you receive any interesting letters?'

'Sirius,' I said importantly. 'They're _all _interesting. Anyone who writes into me is obviously feeling so lonely that they feel like I'm the only one they can open up to.'

'Hmm. Any particularly _relevant_ ones to your life?'

I shrugged, and he grinned and got up.

'Okay then… I'm just going to go carry on watching Charlie's Angels with Remus. That blonde one- she's pretty fit.'

'Is she?' I said dully.

'Mmm,' he said, his lips twitching. 'So, if you'll excuse me…'

So now I'm sitting here, periodically checking on our living room, probably half-expecting to find Sirius shagging that blonde one from Charlie's Angels, whatever her name is.

Gah. I'm just going to go to bed. I am busy, and important, and have a top notch job at the DP

.

11.01pm- Well… maybe 'top notch' is far-fetched, but am still busy and important, and won't wait up all night for Sirius to decided to leave… or come in and try shagging me. It is late, and I have work tomorrow.

V. good. Am excellent at this.

.

11.30pm- Huh. No reaction to my 'goodnight'. Why is he so patronising? Maybe if I paraded around in skimpy nightgown under the pretence of going to the bathroom?

Not sure me in a skimpy nightgown would ever be a turn on, though. He'd probably be running for the door, to be honest, in fear of my wobbly bits.

.

11.50pm- Well, it made no difference as I went to the bathroom and back in skimpy nightgown, and he didn't even look up from the television. Huh. Maybe will make some tea.

Why isn't he paying me any attention? He hasn't even _snogged_ me to say hello! What kind of boyfriend is he?

I have decided he is a non-boyfriend. That's right. The boyfriend who wants the perks of being my boyfriend- and then a shagging when it comes down to it- but doesn't want to support me emotionally, or do all those romantic and lovely things a boyfriend is supposed to do…

.

11.55pm- Like take me away on a minibreak! Just read a Witch Weekly article on 'romantic getaways'. We went on more romantic getaways _before_ we were supposedly going out.

What is this? He is the worst non-boyfriend offender I have _ever_ met. This is v. frustrating.

Maybe will go invest in a vibrator to get me through this v trying period of going out with a non-boyfriend as, obviously, can't go and shag Rob when it all gets too much. Though, frankly, shagging Rob would be cheaper.

.

12 midnight- I can't believe he's still here. Mary is out there watching television with them too… and will no doubt go and shag Remus after. See! _Remus_ is a proper boyfriend! Should ask him to give Sirius some pointers.

.

12.10am- What is going on? At this rate, am tempted to move into mother's house. Am sure Sirius would never do this to me if wasn't living in such a sluttish situation. Hmph.

Or maybe even move in with dad and… uh… Shirley. Hah Hah. Sirius would be a model boyfriend if I lived there.

Am going to do some 'relationship research' using Witch Weekly as my resource.

.

12.15pm- They say I need to have an 'emotional moment' for him to become serious about us and help me through it. I see that this is a v. good idea and would almost definitely work… but am not sure what sort of emotional moment am supposed to have?

I don't know that having an emotional moment because my boyfriend is actually a non-boyfriend will work.

Oooh… I hear the tv has been switched off. Maybe he'll come here?

.

12.30pm- HE LEFT! He said, as he walked past my door, that he wouldn't disturb me as 'she's sleeping'. GAHHHHHHH.

.

12.31pm- Why is he so mean to me now? I didn't sign up for this. I wanted to go out with Sirius, the guy who was my friend and did lovely things for me all the time.

* * *

**August 23**

**Too tired for figures**

**.**

11pm- Agh. Just got home. We had a party at work for Jole, as was his birthday. Mark Darcie was there, so we just chatted for a lot of the evening. I noticed he eyed Helen Asteria up every now and then…

Anyway. Have arrived home to find a letter from Sirius-

_How was your day?'_

_._

Hmph. He wouldn't even send such a note if it weren't for my stupid response to his stupid submission to 'Ask Anna'.

…. I miss being friends with him. When we weren't all flirtatious and weird, but just nice to each other. Hmm. I really need that 'emotional moment' to bond with him, don't I?

Agh. Whatever. I'm too tired at the moment to think about this. Drunk a little too much at Jole's birthday party…

Speaking of birthdays… mine's coming up _very _soon. Yay!

* * *

**August 24**

**Weight: 10 st (hmph)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (still)**

**Coffee: 3 (better)**

**Calories: 3000 (bad… but mostly chocolate)**

**Self-help books: 1 (Warlocks are from Mars, Witches are from Venus- v. good!)**

**Money: 88 galleons**

.

**1pm- **Lunch break.

Mmm, I wonder if Sirius has read my response to his article letter?

Oh fuck… just read it. I told him to give me space? NOO! I don't want space anymore. I want him to be nice to me again.

Okay. Am going to go to bookstore tonight, after work, and find some relationship advice books.

.

8pm- Huh. Apparently men are like rubber bands. They stretch away, but always end up snapping back.

Wish he'd hurry up and snap back to being a decent human being.

.

8.10pm- Just got a note. He's wondering if I'm free tomorrow night.

Discussed it with the girls, and we have decided this note is v. good boyfriendship on his part for several reasons-

'Firstly,' said Lily, sipping her wine. 'He hasn't assumed you'll be free. He's _asking_ if you're free.'

Mary nodded in approval.

'Yes. And secondly, he's taking initiative by asking if you'll be free by setting up a date.'

'How do you know it's a date?' I said dubiously.

'What else does 'free on Friday night mean?' Lily exclaimed. 'Of course it's a date!'

I beamed, much happier. Hurrah! Non-boyfriend has bounced back, like a rubber band, into being wonderful friend- turn-boyfriend. Am v. happy now.

Will be lovely, tomorrow.

.

9.30pm- It seems we were giving him too much credit, too soon. This was his reply-

'_Great. I'll come over to yours at around 7. Let's just order pizza or something_'

Mary and Lily are outraged for me.

'That's not even a proper date!' Mary bellowed, swilling down more wine. 'I think he thinks all those times he went out with you as 'just friends' count as dates.'

I glugged some wine myself.

'This is ridiculous,' muttered Lily. 'He can't 'settle' into this already! He needs to make more of an effort if he is to ever deserve sleeping with you.'

'He probably thinks this is better as staying in is closer to the bedroom,' I said miserably.

'I have an idea,' trilled Lily. 'How about you reply that's not possible, as Mary and I will also be in!'

Thinking this was a brilliant idea, I wrote back and told him exactly that. I also didn't sign it 'Love, Anna', to make my point even clearer.

BUT DO YOU THINK THAT WORKED?

He simply replied.

'_No worries. Come round to mine then.'_

'This is complete bollocks!' cried Lily, upset for me. 'What can you do?'

'I'd break up with Remus if he did this to me,' Mary said confidently.

So now am minding the house while Mary and Lily go and purchase more alcohol supplies. Am feeling v flat. Ooh… there are free life drawing classes every Tuesday, at the art gallery around the corner. Might start going…

Witch Weekly says I must be v. busy with own hobbies and social events when embark on a relationship, so as not to fall into trap of devoting all my time with him.

Is staying in that bad? Am thinking about it now, and I think it's just something he and I do. Actually, that's not true. Why couldn't he even take me to Three Broomsticks as a sort of celebration of the development of our relationship thing. Would be v. meaningful as that place was our first kind of outing as friends.

Huh. This is v. tricky.

.

11pm- Look, Lily and Mary are v outraged on my behalf. I am just going to not think about it. For all I know, he'll have a romantic dinner set up for me at his place.

Mustn't jump to unnecessary conclusions.

* * *

**August 25**

**Weight: 10 st 1 (gah!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Coffee: 2**

**Calories: 2900 **

**Dates: 0**

**Near- rapings: 1 (v. bad)**

**Boyfriends: 1 (wonderful)**

**Love for Helen Asteria: Huge (alarming. I think I love her even more than Sirius)**

**Money: 78 galleons**

.

11am- Gah! Why am I getting so many letters? Even if I _wanted to_, I don't think I'd be able to answer them all. Am v depressed. Don't want to be evil non-responder. Might do some during my lunch break, too.

Is also good, as solving other peoples' problems is much easier than fixing own life.

.

12noon- Hmm… just got a note from Mark Darcie suggesting we go for lunch. That's fine… right? We're just neighbourly friends….

Okay, am just going to pop off to the loo to check my make up.

1.30pm- Lunch was nice, but a little boring. Mark spent most of it yapping on about some stock market crash which I really didn't understand. I don't know much about finance at all… hence the state of my monetary affairs.

Oooh! Just received a postcard from dad. He's still in Australia. He says it's nice and… huh. Apparently he hasn't seen any kangaroos yet. He signed it off 'Love Dad & Shirley,' but am sure Shirley doesn't know about the postcard.

I think I'll buy her a present as a kind of 'peace offering' when I get back. While the bee sting wasn't my fault, I do feel bad as it did kind of ruin her grand entrance.

There! Am a lovely, peaceful woman, who is willing to make amends. Will adopt this attitude towards Sirius.

After all he is, first and foremost, my friend.

.

1.31pm- But he's not my friend anymore. Boo hoo. This is so complicated. Okay, have editing meeting now.

.

5pm- Huh. Have to rework my responses. Apparently, is inappropriate for me to call someone a 'non-boyfriend' when they ask why ' a night in' might have upset his gf.

BUT I AM RIGHT! Have stupid Tim as my editor again. I can't stress how much I dislike him. He always makes me 'fix' my responses. Helen Asteria always finds them funny and puts them in.

AND SHE'S MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIM.

Hmph. Will take ages to finish, at this rate. Honestly, don't even want to go out. Night in is all I feel like after whole day here.

5.30pm

Oh, oh-

Jole just threw a _huge_ hissy fit today and fired Kevin, head of the 'cultural section'. Was v. scary. Helen Asteria tried to stick up for Kevin but Jole, in a total rage, told her to shut up or he'd fire her too.

Oh dear… I can't be fired! I wish Helen Asteria had Jole's position. DP would be a much happier place.

Also, Jole's sexy French-ness has very much lost its charm…. Which is just as well, as he was always off limits and, now that am with Sirius, is even more so.

Oh crap… have to get on with reworking these responses. I don't want to!

.

6pm- He wants me to rework them… _again_! Am going to ask Helen Asteria tomorrow if I work with Lea from now on. He is just ridiculous. This is what he said to me! (The cheek!)-

'Anna,' he droned. 'This isn't Witch Weekly' (HE INSULTED WITCH WEEKLY?). 'This is the DP. We are a serious newspaper. You need to treat these questions seriously.'

Am V. V.V. PISSED OFF! I take my job v. seriously… but won't lie in response and tell them that everything will be okay… because that's not why they're writing in to me! If I need to point out they're doing a shit job of being a boyfriend, then I'll bloody point it out!

_That's _my fucking job.

.

7pm- Bloody hell. Still here. Tim says he won't let me leave until it's to him liking. I told him that if he knows how to answer a question better than me, then he should write it for me, and stick his name underneath so no one thinks I've started giving crappy advice.

Gahhh. Want to kill him. What is his problem? He keeps sending me back to my desk like I'm some naughty school girl or something. Also, dislike it here, as everyone has gone home… Even Helen Asteria.

I think I'm quickly going to sent Sirius a note telling him I'm going to be late… maybe can get him to come here and save me from 'Tim the Wanker'?

.

7.10pm- Gah! Tim just bought me a coffee. This seems v fishy… why is he-

a) being nice by getting me coffee

b) assuming we're going to be here long enough for me to drink coffee?

Hmm, am v suspicious now…

* * *

**Next chapter-**

'_Have encountered my first dose of office sleaze fuckwittage.'_

AND

'_Huh. 19. Happy Birthday to me!'_

**I promise the next chapter will be **_**very**_** eventful! So… leave a review and I'll try updating very soon!**

**Lots of love,**

**Anya**


	32. Chapter 32: August 26 to 31

**August 26**

**Weight: 10 st 2**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: Lost count (terrible) **

**Near- rapings: 0 (v. good)**

**Boyfriends: 1 (still wonderful)**

**Feminist meetings: 1 (rather scary)**

**Money: 75 galleons**

* * *

9am- Ahhhh. Last night was a horrific evening. Have encountered my first dose of office sleaze fuckwittage. Love Helen Asteria for being a workaholic.

Turns out Tim is very much _not_ gay. Went to his office after that last entry, with shitty responses (but what he seemed to want to read).

He shut the door… and then locked it. I totally freaked out.

'What are you doing?' I said, my voice all wobbly (am not v good at sounding poised and in control when faced with such situations)

'I know this is what you've wanted all along,' he smirked, unbuttoning his shirt. 'You weren't defying me for nothing. Now… get on the desk.'

I backed against the wall, horrified. Suddenly, I appreciated Sirius a whole lot more.

'Please just let me out,' I whimpered.

I think he thought I was acting. He's mad. Total bonkers.

Then, I saw someone walking through the outside desks and screamed. A minute later, Helen Asteria burst through the door, wearing a full ball gown.

'Anna… TIM!' she gasped, taking in his unbuttoned shirt. 'What's going on here?'

'He.. he…' I gasped.

I've never seen Helen Asteria so furious. She chained Tim to his desk as she called the Auror dept. right away. In the meantime, she made me sit in her office, and gave me some Valium, telling me it'd calm me down.

It did. Valium is v.v.. Must ask her for some more in the future.

Soon enough, the aurors came. They questioned me about the incident (Helen Asteria was v. supportive) and then she took me home after. She says that she will personally see to it that he is locked away. Love her. Would totally turn for her… but suspect she has enough men after her before she would ever turn, anyway.

She also gave me the weekend off (hooray!).

So got home to find Sirius there, being berated by Lily and Mary for being a non-boyfriend. When they saw me, though, they thankfully shut up.

'What took you so long? Are you punishing me for being a… what do you call it?' Sirius said, nodding at Mary.

'Non-boyfriend,' said Mary grimly.

I shook my head.

'No… can we just go?'

'Where?'

'Anywhere. Let's just… go.'

Lily and Mary were confused, but I told them I'd tell them later. So Sirius took me to our ice cream place in Hogsmeade and I told him what happened, and he was furious and said he didn't realise I was literal when I said for him to 'save me from Tim.'

He then became very guilty, which made me laugh a bit, and I told him I myself never thought I would actually need actual saving from Tim, either.

Also, Sirius seems to like Helen Asteria a whole lot more now that he's found out she saved me… which is nice, I suppose.

'Sorry about Mary and Lily,' I added, wanting to change the topic from Creepy Tim.

He frowned.

'I just… I read your response, and saw you said you wanted space. I thought staying in might be the easiest way to ease into this'

I sighed.

'Yeah… don't worry. We're just a bunch of girls with too much alcohol, and too much time on our hands during the evenings,' I sighed.

He then took me home and said he'd ask/offer to stay with me, but thought I deserved a proper night's rest without getting kicked out of my bed.

Oh well, looking at this entire incident from a positive angle… I guess I got my 'emotional moment.' I'm not sure it was worth it, but am glad Sirius and I are somewhat closer to our normal dynamic now… even though it seems a little strange we just went out and didn't snog once.

Agh. Girls are awake now. I guess I'd better go fill them in.

.

9.30am- Girls are outraged. We are joining the local feminist group.

.

5pm- Hurrah! We are staunch feminists who will not be used by bad men or be subjected to fuckwittage! We are going to throw out all razors and abstain from plucking eyebrows.

.

5.01pm- Lily seems the most into it, out of all of us-

'I mean,' she vented. 'James Potter's fucking hair! It's like the _less_ tidy it is, the better! He doesn't care one bit for his appearance. Why should I sit here plucking my eyebrows and waxing my lip? He doesn't shave every day! In fact, he prides himself on looking 'au naturale'. So why shouldn't I be the same? Why shouldn't _I _show him how God intended me to be!'

'But Sirius fixes his hair,' I pointed out.

'Hah!' Lily barked. 'He's the _worst_ offender of them all! Do you _know_ how many girls he shagged, back at school?'

'No,' I admitted. 'And I'm not sure I want to.'

Mary was oddly silent.

'Mary,' we demanded. 'What is your stance?'

Mary blushed.

'I _really_ love shagging. I can't give it up!'

'Not even in the name of feminism!' cried Lily. 'We're taking a stance against all the fuckwits out there.'

'But Remus isn't a fuckwit,' said Mary fairly. 'And neither is James… or Sirius.'

We had nothing to say on this point.

'And,' continued Mary, 'I'd shave my legs and armpits anyway. Nothing beats the feeling of silky smooth skin. Also, no offence, but I just don't think a moustache would look good on any of us. You, Lily, definitely don't suit the Hitler moustache look… '

Lily glared at Mary, who then shrugged and went off to her room. Lily then looked at me practically.

'Anna,' she said. 'We're going to be classified as 'auror wags.' It's a disgusting term.'

'Huh?'

'Wives and girlfriends.'

I frowned.

'Does it count if I haven't shagged him yet?'

'Of course it counts!' said Lily practically. 'And it won't be fair if they think that, whenever they come home from a mission, they can just use that excuse to exploit us to become nothing but their sex slaves.'

'I don't think…'

But Lily was very passionate about this topic.

'Anna, we are both independent women! We aren't like the other 'wags' who sit around at home painting our nails till our man comes home.'

'Sounds nice, if you ask me,' I muttered.

'No!' Lily exclaimed. 'No! We are independent and intelligent in our own rights! Just because they're stupid enough to sign up for a dangerous job, it does _not_ mean they can rule us. We too work hard for jobs that are just as important.'

'Okay,' I said. 'So what's your point?'

'My point is, Anna, that they need to appreciate us better. We need to take them to our next feminist meeting so they can renounce all their anti-chauvinistic ways.'

I think I'm with Mary on this one… I can't _ever_ imagine Sirius going to a feminist meeting.

.

6pm- Huh. Lily has invited Sirius and James over… presumably to try convincing them. Am just going to pluck my eyebrows…

.

6.10pm- Agh! Lily caught me, and confiscated the tweezers. James is looking v. depressed, and Sirius is- surprisingly- very excited to go. The meeting is at 7pm, tonight.

I have a feeling this can't end well…

.

11pm- Home. Bathroom.

I cannot believe this. I go to a feminist meeting, and what do the girls do? They all start swooning over Sirius! Hmph.

(Except for Lily, who was outraged and is now saying she's going to start her own (true) feminist group).

So we arrived at the meeting, with Sirius and James. James kept skulking behind Sirius, who seemed to be in his element. It doesn't help he seemed to recognise a lot of the girls there.

'Sirius, darling!' one of them laughed, going up to him and kissing his cheek. 'Whatever's become of you! I used to go to Brasserie just for your excellent service!'

Am very suspicious as to what kind of 'service' she was referring to. Maybe Sirius was a secret rent boy? Oh the horror…

The night was filled with similar such meetings and greetings. In the end, it ended up being a 'catch up' meeting for Sirius, and the girls in the feminist group.

I'm ashamed to admit that, by the end, I was feeling extremely defensive about our relationship.

Okay, had better join them in the living room. I have decided enough is enough. I need to shag Sirius once and for all…

CANNOT have him shagging someone else while he's away on his training. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Okay, but if I'm to shag him, it has to be at his place. It's more private there.

* * *

**August 27**

**Weight: 10 st 2**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: approx 2100 **

**Boyfriends: 1 (still wonderful)**

**Feminist meetings: 0 (better)**

**Motorcycle rides: 2 (secretly enjoyable)**

**Money: 72 galleons**

**.**

**5pm- **Ah. Just got home… and I can't stop smiling. I've had such a lovely day, which is an excellent way to send me off into being 19 years old (TOMORROW!)!

For the first time since telling Sirius I liked him, I feel like we've returned to being 'normal' with each other. It was v.v. lovely.

Okay… so last night, after my last entry, I went to the living room to find Jamily and Sirius watching a movie. Jamily were sitting all entwined on the armchair, and Sirius was sitting (quite stiffly) on the couch. I sat next to him, but we weren't touching at all… which is just as well, because I really wasn't feeling up to a couple off with Jamily who, with all their nuzzling, were always going to win anyway.

Once the movie finished, Jamily said goodnight and quickly disappeared off to Lily's room. Sirius looked at me uncertainly. I didn't want him to leave, but I really didn't want to go back to my room where we'd just become another Remy or Jamily.

At the same time, I had a difficult time asking him to go over to his place instead.

So I gave in and just suggested (VERY AWKWARDLY) that we go to my room.

'If you want to,' he delicately.

So we walked to my room, and he went and sat gingerly on my bed. I shut the door, but made no move to go near him on my bed.

'Sirius,' I sighed. 'I miss just hanging out and having fun with you.'

'Me too,' he said, lying back on my bed and rubbing his eyes. 'But I mean it, Anna. I really like you.'

I sighed and sat next to him on my bed.

'Yeah… I like you too.'

He looked up at me.

'So what do we do?'

I bit my lip, and decided to just be honest.

'Can we go to your place?'

He sat up, looking confused.

'My place? Why? It's much nicer here.'

I snorted.

'Excuse me… I live in a small apartment… and you have an entire estate to your name! How can you say it's nicer here?'

He shrugged.

'You have people here. My place is lonely… and big, which just makes me feel lonelier.'

'But it's not lonely if we're there together,' I pressed.

He looked up at me, and I have to admit I got a slight jolt in my stomach. His eyes looked so sad that I wanted to kiss him just to cheer him up.

'But when you leave,' he said quietly. 'It'll be worse than ever.'

I understood what he was saying- I did. And, suddenly, I felt really bad for ever treating our 'relationship' as some pseudo-game… because it's not. He's one of my best friends, and I love him and should have always respected him (and trusted him) enough to deal with it maturely.

So I smiled at him and shrugged, deciding to just give up on going to his place.

'Why don't you want to stay here?' he said, twirling my hair absently as he hugged me to his side.

'Because… well… I think we both know I (chiefly) have had issues with dealing with the change in our relationship.'

'Yes, I've noticed,' he murmured drily. 'Which is ironic, given that the confession came from you in the first place.'

I sat up and looked down at him seriously.

'Whenever we hung out, it was always a bit more removed from the others. We've always had a bit of privacy in that respect. I don't think I can deal with the 'Double Dating'… or those silly rules Lily and Mary seem to think a boyfriend should adhere to. I don't like being here, because I feel like the others think it's all a bit of a laugh… which is fine. I know they don't mean any ill by it, but at the same time it just makes me uneasy. When, really, I think that this should be much simpler than it's been so far.'

Sirius looked at me strangely for a moment, and I started to panic that I'd said something wrong.

'Forget it. I'm being silly…'

'Anna,' he interrupted. 'I understand... and agree. Let's go.'

So he apparated us to his place and in next to no time at all, we were sitting in front of the fire in his living room, with butterbeers. I instantly felt _so _much better… and really started to remember why I loved him in the first place.

After a slight silence, he gave me a funny look.

'What?' I said, blushing.

He continued to survey me.

'You're a funny person, you know that?'

I rolled my eyes.

'Very lovely. You know, I said we didn't have to follow _rules_ but it'd be nice if you at least treated me like a boyrfriend should.'

He laughed.

'No… let me explain myself,' he said. 'You see, you seem to be an exhibitionist in some ways…'

'Don't remind me,' I muttered.

He laughed.

'Yes… but then, ironically, you're extremely private about your feelings.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Oh darling, I'm British. We're not _meant_ to have feelings.'

We laughed, but then he continued.

'It's just interesting. I never really noticed it about you until tonight.'

'Lovely. You're already psychoanalysing all the ways I'm a screw up.'

'Well,' he said lightly. 'When you start your psychology course, I'm sure you'll be psychoanalysing me non-stop. Apparently I'm a very complex and interesting case for psychoanalysis.'

I raised an eyebrow.

'Yeah, I can already see that. I'm already seeing major Oedipal issues… perhaps a few daddy issues there too…. Oh, and you've definitely got 'elder brother' syndrome.'

Sirius pushed me a bit and I stopped.

'You're leaving really soon,' I said sadly. (STILL MAKES ME REALLY SAD).

He shot me a cheeky grin.

'You know,' he said, nudging me, 'I do believe I have this course to thank for your confession. Had you not been so desperate and convinced that I'm going to die, maybe you'd never have divulged that little secret of yours.'

I looked at him plainly.

'Were _you_ ever going to tell me? Or did you not care enough to tell me?'

His face softened instantly.

'No… Anna, you have to know I wanted to tell you… so many times! I was even going to tell you at your parents' wedding, but then… well I don't know. I wasn't sure whether it would be good to start anything up with you before I left for a month.'

'And you don't think this is good, now?'

He raised an eyebrow.

'I think we're doing pretty well, tonight, actually…'

He leant forward a little bit, and then one thing led to another and we were snogging (still wonderful) furiously on the carpet.

Unfortunately, carpet's not the more pleasant material, so I pushed him away after a bit.

'Sorry,' I said apologetically. 'I think I'm getting carpet burn.'

He smirked a little, and held a hand to help me up.

And then- I'M EXCELLENT AT THIS- we were thrust into a slightly awkward silence.

'Okay,' I sighed. 'Take me to your liquor cabinet.'

He bit his lip.

'I don't want to rush you into this. If you think you need to get drunk to go through it…'

I laughed.

'Merlin! You make it sound like it's a really unpleasant task!'

'Well, when you're telling me you need to get drunk to sleep with me, what am I meant to think?' he exclaimed.

I ran a hand through my hair (which had become quite tangled in our exertions).

'I think it's only natural that I be a little nervous about it!

Sirius shrugged.

'Come on, let's just go to sleep now. There's no rush.'

I felt pretty horrible as we walked up the stairs. Then, even worse when he offered me the guest bedroom.

I smacked my forehead.

'Look, I didn't mean it that way…'

'When you branded my forehead 'S.S' for Selfish Sleeper?' he mocked.

'Yeah,' I muttered, following him into his room. 'You are. But your bed's bigger here than mine at home, so I think we'll be okay.'

We got into bed and it was horribly silent for a bit… until, yes, that's right, I succumbed to a fit of the giggles.

Sirius groaned.

'Oh no... not again…'

'Sorry!' I giggled, trying to stop. 'I was just thinking about that time James took polyjuice potion and announced, as you, that you were gay.'

'Hmm… yes, you'll excuse me for not finding that prank hilarious.'

I hit his arm lightly.

'You need to lighten up. Why so serious?'

He went to sigh but, either defeated or fed up with my antics, he gave in and laughed.

'Anna,' he sighed. 'You're…'

'Yes? What? Lovely? Charming? Beautiful?'

He snorted.

'I was going to go for 'special'.'

'Thanks,' I muttered drily, sitting up on my elbows and looking down at him. 'And you wonder why I have low self confidence.'

He traced my cheekbone lighly, and I felt a slight shiver. It was quite intense.

'Anna,' he sighed. 'You have to find that yourself. I can't realise your potential for you.'

'Hmph'

I lay back down, but he pulled me to him so my head was resting on his chest. He continued to play with my hair absently.

'If anyone takes themselves too seriously, in this room, its you. What are you afraid of?'

And I think that's when he touched on that nerve I'd been avoiding throught the past week.

'Us not working out. You're my 'person'.'

'What person?' Sirius said, confused.

I sat up on my elbows again.

'Who I go to for absolutely everything. I don't think I've ever trusted anyone as much as I have you.'

Sirius said nothing, but continued to look at me.

'So you're my 'person'… who I can trust with everything. And I don't want to lose that… because relationships don't always work out. If anything, they seem to break up more often than working out.'

'I won't hurt you, Anna,' he said seriously. 'You have to know that.'

I sat up and hugged my knees to my chest.

'But you might. You don't _have_ to stay with me forever. You're not obliged to make any promises. We've only just finished school, for Merlin's sake! Most people would laugh at the concept of us working out forever.'

I sighed, and continued.

'Even though you wouldn't be wrong, I still don't want you to hurt me. Anyone but you.'

'I'm not Daniel,' he said quietly.

I sighed.

'This isn't about Daniel. It's about you… '

I trailed off and lay back down, rubbing my forehead.

'Forget it. I'm being melodramatic. I'm…'

Sirius gently prised my hands off my forehead. He looked serious for a moment, but then simply smiled at me, before lying down next to me. For lack of a better term, we fell asleep spooning for the rest of the night.

Am a big fan of spooning. Sh! Don't tell the girls! Hmmm.

Ironically, Sirius himself didn't fidget or kick me at all that night.

When we woke up, though, was pretty funny. At first, I was a bit disoriented. In my tossing about the bed a bit to try remembering where I was, I woke Sirius up, who was pretty groggy himself.

'What time is it?' he mumbled, rolling over.

I looked at my watch and gasped when I saw the time.

'Shit… it's 10!'

'AM?'

'Of course!' I laughed.

'What's the problem? Go back to sleep.'

I lay back down and laughed a little to myself.

'If today was a work day, I'd have already been at work for an hour.'

Sirius sighed and leaned over to kiss me. I was suddenly acutely aware of my morning breath, and covered my mouth quickly.

'Surely kissing's not out of bounds now, too?' he groaned.

'No… I've got morning breath.'

He laughed, and we both got out of bed and he led me to his bathroom and gave me a new toothbrush.

'You can keep it here if you like,' he said, blushing a little. 'You know… for next time.'

I couldn't help hugging up for it. Sometimes he's very sweet.

This hug led to a bit of snogging, but it became uncomfortable when I realised my bladder was painfully full.

'Sorry,' I groaned. 'I need to pee.'

'Oh god,' he laughed, leaving the bathroom quickly.

When I came out, he was fully dressed and smirking at me.

'Does snogging me excite you that much?'

I rolled my eyes.

'No…. but I'd rather not discuss my bladder function with you.'

'Fair enough… let's get breakfast.'

He led me to the garage, where the bike was.

'Okay fine,' I sighed, putting on the helmet. 'It's not so bad when you get used to it.'

He grinned and in next to no time we were on the road. I was pretty hungry too, so it was a good thing.

Also, must note down that I _really_ like being able to hug him unashamedly when sitting on the back seat of the bike. Is really v lovely.

After a bit, he took a turn into a place called Roderick's Village, and stopped outside a bustling café.

I was so hungry, I wasn't even ashamed of ordering the full English breakfast. Thankfully, Sirius himself ordered the same thing so didn't feel _so _bad. Is always terrible when the girl eats more than her boyfriend, I think.

So breakfast was lovely. Firstly (and most importantly) the food was excellent and I told him that it must be our regular breakfast spot.

'I like the sound of us having a 'regular' place,' he grinned.

I rolled my eyes.

'Oh come on. We've already got so many! What about the ice cream place in Hogsmeade?'

He nodded.

'True. We can go there later if you like.'

'We'll see,' I said. 'I'm feeling ridiculously full at the moment.'

He laughed at me.

'But you've still got your bacon and black pudding to go!'

I shuddered.

'Eugh! I hate black pudding!'

Sirius grinned, and stole it from my plate.

'Well, I happen to love it so I geuss that goes to show just how compatible we are.'

'Or that you're a Black, even though you try to deny it.'

'Har har,' he said, taking the rest of my bacon too. 'Okay, let's get out of here.

We had issues over the bill, which upset me a bit. He refused to let me pay.

'You always used to let me pay my share!' I snapped as we walked back to the bike.

'Yeah.. when we were friends.'

'But that doesn't make sense! Just let me give you the money.'

'Enough on that… put your helmet on.'

I refused to get on the bike.

'Anna,' he sighed. 'Let's not get into this now. Didn't you let the other guys who you've been out with pay?'

'Yes! Because I didn't know them!'

I saw Sirius was becoming a little fed up with my antics.

'Okay, fine,' he snapped. 'You get the next one. I don't see why you're over-reacting over a few galleons.'

Happier with this agreement, I got back on the bike.

In a way, I understood why he was annoyed. If it was anyone else, I'd expect them to pay too…

But to go from paying my share, and then not, because we're now in a relationship just felt a bit weird to me. In a way, it's almost a bit whorish…

Oh hang on… I think I hear Mary crying…

.

9pm- Shit. Mary and Remus have broken up. Apparently Remus broke up with her, said he 'doesn't love her' anymore, and that it's for the best as he's going away anyway for a Wolfsbane trial.

I can't believe this. Mary is distraught. She says he's been a little distant over the past week, and they've been fighting a lot.

Something doesn't seem right, though. Remus loves Mary! Am sure of it… I hope it's not because he's self conscious about his being a werewolf. Would love to hear Sirius' side of the news, but must stay here for Mary and support her through this.

OH MERLIN. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come between Sirius and I. Just as I was starting to ease into the concept of being in a relationship…

.

12 midnight- Mary is now sound asleep. Lily gave her some sleeping draught to help her sleep, which I think is best, as sleep always gives one a much clearer perspective on things…

Though I still don't think sleep would make me feel much better if I were Mary. I still can't believe it! Remus! I can't believe he'd do that to Mary!

Ugh.

.

12.01am- Huh. 19. Happy Birthday to me. I have a feeling no one's going to really notice or care…

Mustn't be selfish. It is only a day, like every other day in the year. It really isn't that important.

.

12.05am- Aww, got a card from Dad and Shirley, with a cheque (YES!... 50 galleons richer!). Was lovely of them. Love dad for remembering me.

.

12.07am- And mum! Love parents for remembering me. She seems to have forgiven me for ruining her wedding. Gave me a cheque for 50 galleons, and a haircut voucher (just as well… am NEVER going to Trish's Salon for my hair ever again!)

I wonder if Sirius has anything planned for me? Mustn't think on this… as may only end up disappointed.

.

12.08am- Does Sirius even know it's my birthday? Surely Mary told him… right?

.

12.11am- Even Jamie has sent me a card saying happy birthday… and three portkey tickets to Jamaica, for the 22nd of September. Feel bad for ever bitching about him. At least _he's_ remembered my birthday. Will give him a big hug when I see him in a few weeks.

.

12.12am- GOALS AS A 19 YEAR OLD:

1/ Lose weight (to a healthy 9 st)

2/ Study and do very well in Psychology course

3/ Improve self-confidence

4/ Become a better gf to Sirius

5/ Continue to do well at DP (strangely, one of the few things in my life that seems to be running v smoothly, aside from little glitch with Tim near-raping)

6/ Be a more supportive friend

7/ Stop getting drunk

8/ Develop some form of savings

9/ Constantly maintain personal grooming so am always looking lovely.

10/ Stop binge-eating when bored

11/ Develop a 5-year and 10-year life plan

12/ Be a better daughter to parents

13/ Resolve to forge a more positive relationship with step-parents

14/ Be a nicer sister

15/ Learn how to cook, without ending up in St Mungos.

.

Ok. V good. Am going to go to sleep now.

Oooh! Am 19 now! Feel like is a chance for a 'fresh start' for me. V. good!

* * *

**August 28**

**Weight: 10 st 3**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: Who knows… **

**Boyfriends: ½ **

**Shags: 0**

**Drinks: Lost count**

**Birthday wishes: 5 (all from work. Abysmal)**

**Friends: Seemingly 0**

**Arrests: 1 (huh. Excellent start)**

**Money: 160 galleons**

.

10am- Oooh how lovely! Came to work to find a box of flowers on my desk, from Helen Asteria, for my birthday. She's not in today, so will have to thank her tomorrow.

Is really v lovely of her to acknowledge my birthday!

.

10.05am- Just received a note from Mark Darcie saying Happy Birthday. Apparently it comes up on the 'Birthday' noticeboard in the staff coffee room… hence why am receiving all these birthday wishes from co-workers.

Still, is lovely to have presence acknowledged by people other than those responsible for bringing me into the world (i.e parents).

.

11am- Hmph. Still nothing from any of my friends. Mary was v numb this morning when I left for work. No Happy Birthday from her nor Lily. I guess is understandable. Maybe should send her a note asking if she's okay?

.

11.30am- Bitch! She sent me a note back saying 'what do you think?'

I was only trying to be nice. At least I never forget her birthday. Hmph.

.

12 noon- Great. Am going to lunch… by myself… on my birthday. Oh hello.. I see Mark Darcie.

.

1pm- Mark Darcie is lovely. He insisted on taking me out to lunch for my birthday. Went with a couple of the other journalists, and they're all pretty funny for 'Finance' columnists!

But was horrid when Mark asked me if I'd planned anything with friends etc. Told him was keeping it v quiet this year with no plans. He told me to come round for a drink if have no other plans, as should not be alone on my birthday.

I made some excuse about not being sure if my boyfriend had planned a surprise.

'You have a boyfriend?' he said, looking a bit surprised.

'Yeah,' I blushed. 'It's kind of a new thing… we've been friends for ages and… well, it's a long story.'

He smiled tightly.

'Oh… well of course he'll have something special planned for you! How could he not!'

Am feeling more reassured now. Obviously am not expecting whole group birthday party with Remus and Mary split up as they are, but if at least Sirius does something, will be fine.

.

7pm- Oh fuck. Okay, I'm really mad. I know I shouldn't be… that it's childish and immature to get upset over a silly birthday, but I cannot believe that NONE of my friends have bothered to even say 'Happy Birthday'.

Am especially mad at:

Mary (who definitely knows my birthday)

Lily (who SHOULD know given she lives with me)

And Sirius (who, boyfriend or not, should know).

CANNOT believe I actually sat there like an idiot and planned Sirius' birthday with whole group… and yet none of them care enough to say Happy Birthday to me.

Fuck.

That's it. Am going to buy a bottle of vodka, a bottle of cranberry juice, and finish them in my room. I don't care.

Mary is still being rude anyway. Just because her boyfriend broke up with her, it does _not_ give her the right to be horrible to me.

Especially not on my birthday.

.

9pm- Well fuck. I actually burst into tears at the liquor store… The poor sales assistant didn't know what to do. I apologised and apparated back into my room and have proceeded to shake things up by altenating between shots of vodka, and chasers of cranberry… mixing vodka into cranberry juice… and other ridiculous 'pseudo-cocktails.'

The point of the matter, is that I am v depressed and becoming quite steadily pissed.

.

9.10pm- I'm so fucking bored. Confining self to room with nothing to do is not fun. Am in no state to reply to 'Ask Anna' letters and, even so, is my birthday and don't deserve to be any more depressed.

.

9.30pm- Agashepiw

.

9.31pm- Am going to keep scribbling her e to let out my rageho.

I hat Siriush

And all of the m

Fvuck them

.

10pm- Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This is a horrible day. I hate my birthday! FUCK!

Sirius just came by and found me crying on my bed. He tried to ask me what was wrong and was so angry at him that I slapped him, took my alcohol, and locked self in my wardrobe.

He tried asking what was wrong, but said 'If he doesn't know, then that just makes it worse.'

He's gone now.

Am feeling v unloved. I have 2 friends left in this world- vodka and cranberry.

.

11pm- Ahs shit. Have run out of vodka. Going to buy more.

* * *

**August 29**

**Weight: 10 st 3**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Boyfriends: 0**

**Friends: 1 (Helen Asteria)**

**Criminal convictions: 1**

**Money: 120 galleons**

.

6am- Shit. Have woken up in jail cell. Apparently was so drunk last night that assistant at liquor store wouldn't let me buy any more vodka, and then I accidentally tripped into a box of wine bottles, smashing them in the process… resulting in her calling up the police.

I need to get out of here… but need someone to bail me out. Seeing as have no friends who care, I suppose I'll just rot away in here forever. I don't mind. At least I don't have to deal with their shit in here.

HONESTLY! I have to listen to SO much of their crap. I am ALWAYS there for them, sorting out their problems, and generally supporting them.

AND THEY CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY?

REALLY?

GAH. Am SO angry.

.

7am- Officer is telling me I must make a phone call to someone. At the moment, can only think of two people- Helen Asteria, or Mark Darcie.

Seeing as don't know Mark Darcie all that well, I think I'll request Helen Asteria. I know she won't judge me.

.

1pm- My desk. Work.

Helen Asteria is a lovely goddess of a woman. She came right away, and laughed at me for a little bit, but then took me to breakfast and I just ranted the whole time about how mad I was about friends forgetting birthday.

I mean… honestly! She was the ONLY person not related to me to give me some kind of present (lovely flowers).

She says is understandable, but to try not to get too upset by it because everyone is obviously preoccupied by Remy break up, and that once they realise they will probably be v apologetic and get me a huge present.

Well I don't want a huge present. All I wanted was at least a measly 'Happy Birthday' on my birthday so I didn't end up feeling as shit as I did.

Am considering moving out. Would rather live with mother than with selfish friends.

Also, am broken up with Sirius. I have decided this. Even if were just friends and he did that, I would still break up with him.

Thank goodness I never shagged him. Ugh. Hate them all.

.

1.20pm- I just want to scream. Keep slamming things. Am really v mad.

To make worse, have just gotten period. Cramps are horrific. Really, I just want to die.

Apparently no one cares about me anyway, so the world wouldn't be at too big a loss if I did actually disappear.

.

2pm- I want to cry again. I can't even focus on these questions I'm answering for tomorrow's paper. Actually, I have a few spare questions which I 've already answered… will just submit those today. Am in too much pain (both physical, and emotional) to deal with the petty issues of others.

.

3pm- V bad start to being 19. Have not only been arrested, but have all this toxic rage boiling up inside of me. Am going to go to meditation after work and try cleanse body of anger.

Just because they are shit friends, does not mean I should suffer for it. Is not my fault, after all!

Also, have decided Mary and Lily are not coming to Jamaica with me. Am going to find 2 other friends… who know my birthday.

.

6pm- Hmph. Just ran into Rob. Crazy stalker though he might be, I'm sure _he'd_ remember my birthday.

Fucking hell. Don't want to go to meditation. Am just going to go to bed and sleep off hangover.

.

8pm- Apparently that's impossible. Just received a note from Sirius informing me he's coming over to 'discuss last night'.

Don't want to deal with this. Am tired, and still v hurt and pissed off.

.

11.30pm- Right… right. Okay. Right. It's okay. I'm okay…

Am going to write here to try calming down. Is the only thing to do. CANNOT turn to alcohol each time life turns to shit.

Right. Okay…

Sirius pretty much knocked on my door as soon as I'd finished writing that last entry. I quickly lunged for my book of pre-reading material.

'Yes?' I said sullenly.

He entered the room, looking a little pale, and v confused.

'What do you want?' I snapped.

He crossed his arms, his cheeks pinching in anger.

'What's your problem?' he snapped back. 'What the hell was that, last night?'

'You tell me,' I said scathingly. 'Do you have any idea what yesterday was?'

He looked at me blankly and I snorted.

'Exactly.'

Sirius frowned, and looked around the room. Then his eyes fell on the birthday cards on my desk.

'Oh shit…' he muttered.

'Exactly,' I fumed. 'Not one of you remembered. Not you, not Mary, not Lily… none of you! Helen bloody Asteria remembered, but YOU, my so-called boyfriend, didn't!'

He looked up at me.

'Shit.. I'm really sorry Anna. I didn't know. But it's not like you ever _told _me it was your birthday…'

'I shouldn't have had to!' I exclaimed. 'What was I meant to do? Sit there reminding you my birthday was coming up to guilt you into doing something for me?'

'Well you could have at least _mentioned _it,' he muttered.

I crossed my arms and pursed my lips.

'I'm sorry,' he sighed, finally.

'Me too,' I snapped. 'Now go.'

'Come on,' he sighed. 'I'll make it up to you…'

'Sirius,' I said, laughing a little hysterically. 'You can't make up for how I felt yesterday. You sit there preaching about how supposedly 'alone' you are… and yet we held fucking meetings about how we were going to do your birthday! EVERYONE remembered and cared.'

I tugged at my hair.

'My family were the only ones who remembered my birthday. I guess it just goes to show… blood really is thicker than water.'

'Don't turn this into something bigger than it is,' Sirius said, standing up.

'How am I meant to feel?' I snapped. 'You tell me! I laugh off a lot of things that you lot have done to me, and I've sure as hell been very forgiving seeing as you all nearly drowned me only a couple months ago… How much am I meant to take?'

'Anna, everyone fucks up in friendships. Yes, I forgot your birthday. Or, actually, I didn't forget it because I never knew it in the first place! I'm sorry. What more can I do? You get over it and move on.'

He paused.

'And how are you meant to feel? Let's turn the tables for a bit! How am _I _meant to feel when you seem to go into a panic attack each time you see me these days.'

'That's not fair,' I said, my eyes starting to sting. 'I wasn't like that on Sunday…'

'Yeah, but how was I meant to feel about all those other days? I'll tell you- I felt like shit, but I just got on with it because I trusted you'd come round eventually!'

'How is this relevant!' I exclaimed.

'Because,' he snapped. 'I think you're using this as an excuse for us to split up. If that's what you want, just say it. Don't bullshit to me, though. If you want to be single and free while I'm gone- just say it.'

'Are you splitting up with me?' I said, suddenly feeling quite numb.

'You tell me!' he said. 'You're the one who's resisted us being together the whole time! I honestly don't know why you bothered telling me you liked me in the first place.'

I looked away, finding it very difficult to contain my tears.

'If that's what you want,' I said in a small voice, 'then it's probably for the best.'

I felt him looking at me and knew I was at a very real danger of bursting into tears at any second. I really hate people seeing me cry.

'Go,' I said, trying not to start sobbing. 'Just GO!'

He left suddenly, slamming the door behind him. As soon as I heard him apparating away, I burst right out into tears.

.

11.45pm- Okay, sorry, just needed to get a few more tears out of my system.

I still don't understand how this all came about. I didn't actually mention anything about splitting up… that was him.

And it's so unfair of him to say that I was terrible in the relationship! I had issues, but I was very steadily getting over them.

FUCK. Fuck. I hate him for this. I keep remembering how he promised he wouldn't hurt me, on Saturday night.

Wanker. Git. Fuckwit. FUCK.

.

12midnight- Hmph. Well Mary just came in to see if I was okay. As I was explaining to her that Sirius and I just split up, she smacked her forehead-

'Shit, Shit, SHIT! Anna, I'm SO sorry! Fuck! I'm such a selfish bitch! It was your birthday yesterday! FUCK! I'm SO SORRY!'

I couldn't help forgiving her. At least she had the Remus excuse.

She is gone to gather all the junk food in the house and is going to bring it to my bed. We are going to bitch about men and eat comfort food.

Lily, the only Smug Couple left in the apartment, is out with James, as is his evening in London.

* * *

**August 29**

**Weight: 10 st 3**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Boyfriends: 0**

**Criminal convictions: 1**

**Hospitalisations: 1**

**Money: 110 galleons**

**Life: In ruins**

**.**

3am- Is chest pain normal at my age?

.

5am- Chest pain is still present. Keeps waking me up. Hmm. Fuck. Keep forgetting about Sirius… until I remember.

FUCK. Why has he done this to me? Surely we need to resolve things a bit before he leaves… right?

FUCK

He leaves tomorrow night. Am going to write to him now…

.

4am- Why hasn't he replied?

.

5am- He is a fuckwit. All men are fuckwits. I'm becoming a lesbian.

.

5.10am- Am going to grow out moustache and cease shaving legs. Why should I go through torture to please selfish men?

I can't believe this! I had every right to be angry at him for forgetting my birthday!

GAHHH.

.

6am- Can't sleep, and have to go to work in 2.5 hours. Agh. I hate my life.

.

6.10am- He's going today. What if something happens to him? I can't bear the thought that we'd have parted on such bad terms.

But musn't think that way. He will be fine. He will be…

.

7am- Gah! FINALLY. His owl just showed up. He says I can drop by for a bit as soon as I finish work.

Right… shower, and heaps of makeup. Need to cover up red eyes and puffy skin. Fuck. Mary's crying… Why have we all broken up?

.

1pm- lunch break.

I keep thinking over it. Why was I so ridiculous in this relationship with Sirius? It was what I wanted, wasn't it? A relationship with him? Merlin knows I've been fantasising about it in this very journal all year!

But then I got what I wanted, and I freaked out. Maybe it's because I never really get what I want?

That's not strictly true. Gah. I just don't understand myself. Sirius behaved so maturely through (most) of it. I guess I really over-reacted to my forgotten birthday.

But, honestly, it still really stings that NO ONE remembered. I don't want to blow my own horn, but I've remembered all of their birthdays and I just feel it's a bit unfair that no one cares enough to show me they remember my birthday.

Agh. Woe is me.

What to say to Sirius? Oh geez… I think I'll just be honest. Fuck. Gahhhh.

.

5pm- Oh crap. Have to go see him now.. agh. Okay. Bathroom first to check face and makeup…

.

3am- St Mungo's Emergency Department. …. Don't ask. I am a ridiculous human being.

* * *

**August 30 **

**Weight: 10 st 2**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Boyfriends: 0**

**Criminal convictions: 1**

**Hospitalisations: 1**

**Broken hearts: 1 **

**Money: 100 galleons (hospital fee cover)**

**Life: (Still) In ruins**

9am- Hospital Room, St Mungos'.

Apparently one can actually have a broken heart. Like, it's a physical ailment that one can suffer from. I, Anna Jones, have been diagnosed with a literally broken heart.

I suppose I'd better, as always, explain the events of yesterday chronologically. It's the only way to go when recounting such melodramatic and traumatic events.

I went to Sirius' house. As I went to walk inside, he stopped me. At first, I thought he was going to barr me from entering his house, but then he stooped down and picked up something at my feet.

I looked down, mortified, to find that toilet paper had stuck to me while in the bathroom at work.

'Sorry,' I said apologetically.

'What for?' he said quietly, letting me into his living room.

He sat on the couch, but I couldn't quite bring myself to sit down. In his defence, he was pale and had dark circles under his eyes.

'Sirius,' I said, feeling a little choked up. 'I… I'm sorry for how things turned out between us.'

He looked at his hands.

'I should have known about your birthday…'

I shook my head, finally growing up a bit.

'I think we both know that wasn't the problem.'

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

'But what was? I don't understand, Anna?'

That was when I felt the first real horrible stab of chest pain. I gasped.

'Are you okay?' he said, frowning at me.

I patted my chest, trying to steady my breathing.

'Yes, yes… '

I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the growing chest pain.

'Maybe… maybe we were just destined to be really good friends?' he said.

It was what I had planned on saying but, upon hearing it from him, I didn't quite like it so much.

I nodded silently.

'Yes…'

'But do you think we'll ever get back to what we had after… this?' he said, waving a hand at me.

I felt a bit dizzy at that point, so I quickly sat down.

'I hope so,' I whispered. 'But I expect it might take a while.'

He nodded and looked at me in such a way that made me both feel like a terrible person for fucking our relationship up, and want to kiss him and ask for a second chance.

Instead, he took my hand.

'I didn't want us to part on bad terms,' I said quietly.

He nodded and leaned forward. For a moment, my heart fluttered hopefully and, I honestly think if he kissed me at that moment, I would have felt healed.

Instead, he kissed my cheek. As soon as he did, the pain intensified.

'Look after yourself, Anna,' he said.

We stood up and I looked up at him.

'Please stay safe.'

He nodded. I now know that was the turning point. I'm pretty sure I could have just blurted out everything I actually felt, and maybe things would have turned out alright.

Instead, I remained silent as I walked to the door. With an awkward nod at Sirius, I apparated back home.

And that's when the pain became unbearable. I felt this great ripping pain in my chest and it was so horrific that I sobbed and screamed at once. Thankfully, Mary was there and she apparated me straight to St Mungo's.

After a long night in the ED, it has since been decided that I experienced a 'tear' in my heart muscle due to the extreme stress of my psychological heart-break. Apparently there's something about our magical blood that can call the actual heart to break.

Since, I've had numerous potions administered to me, and am confined to bed rest for the rest of the day.

Bloody hell. They keep hinting at getting psychiatrists in, because of my prior admission to the psych ward.

But I don't need it. I know what's wrong with me- I'm going though what almost every girl has gone thorugh at some point in her like.

Fucking love.

They were right when they said that you don't know what you've got till it's gone, though…

He's gone now. Really gone. Possibly forever, from my life, now that we've ended on such awkward and unpleasant terms.

Well fuck.

* * *

**August 31 (Thurs)**

**Am giving self a break from figures today. **

11am- Work.

Was given the day off yesterday, and Helen wanted to send me home when I came in at 9am today, but I couldn't bear the thought of lying in my bed, going over everything again and again.

I need to keep busy now. It's the only thing that will help me survive this, I think….

.

1pm- Am going to plan Jamaica trip with Mary and Lily tonight.

.

7pm- Lily is working the late shift tonight. Mary has a bottle of red wine (tannins are good for the heart), and we are going to drink it on the balcony, and bitch about how miserable we are to be single.

.

11pm- We are singletons and proud! We shall not be defeated by bad ex-boyfriends! Jamaica, we are ready for you! Hurrah!

* * *

**Is that the end of Anna and Sirius? Before you all despair, he will definitely be playing a quite significant role in this story, so don't worry. But I'm sure you can all agree that this particular break up was inevitable given the way their 'relationship' was progressing.**

**Next chapter-**

'_Mary, horrible friend that she is, has blackmailed me into going on a Speed-dating evening with her. Oh joy.'_

AND

'_Shags: 1'_

**I promise next chapter will be a return to the lightness and (hopefully) hilarity which usually pervades this piece of splendiferous literature (hah jk).**

**Speaking of splendiferious… I'm sure you've all read my note on my AJD writing challenge for Movember. Please do check out my Movember profile (link on my author's page) and donate! All donations go straight to Movember which is a huge foundation so I can assure you your donations are 100% safe. Donate as much or as little as you like- even the $2 or $3 you would have used to buy a coffee will be greatly appreciated!  
**

**It's not just about the money, though. Many people are very ignorant about Prostate Cancer which kills so many men, every year. There are so many foundations for Breast Cancer, and very few for our poor men, with prostate cancer. This is as much about awareness as it is about raising funds. As a medical student, I feel really passionate about this!**

**So, please review and donate if you can! It's a really good and important cause!**

**In the meantime, I will write like a madwoman to bring in my end of the deal!**

**Lots of love, **

**Anya**


	33. Chapter 33: September 1 to 6

**September 1 **

**Weight: 10 st 1 (positive of heart issues)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Rent: Paid on time (v. good)**

**Broken heart: mending **

**Money: 190**

* * *

8am- Agh! Mary just informed me it's Pay Day for rent. Fuck! Have no money left… but I should get DP cheque today, so hopefully will be okay.

.

9am- New month, new outlook on life… am going to be positive. Some people who write in to me have such horrible circumstances that I really have nothing to complain about.

.

9.10am- But that doesn't change the fact it still hurts like hell. I can't believe he's gone for a WHOLE month. I wonder if he'll even contact me when he gets back. If he doesn't, I think my heart will actually crack in two.

.

11am- Ooh! Received pay cheque! Okay, have meeting with Lea to discuss our 'editing relationship'. Am so glad to have her as my editor now. In a way, Tim's fuckwittage was a small blessing in disguise.

.

1pm- Lea is lovely. Lunch was v fun. She's not poncy like Horrid Tim, but relaxed and funny. She herself has a boyfriend, but asked for advice (I needn't say how laughable it is that people are asking me for relationship advice).

Anyway, apparently her horrible boyfriend suggested to her that she visit a gym because she's put on a bit of weight due to work stress.

What. An. Arsehole.

I told her she should dump his sorry arse, but she said she can't do that. Then I told her that she looks gorgeous and that if she's to lose weight, it should be for herself, and not her horrid boyfriend.

Okay, am going to get a move on with these responses. Thankfully, the letters have slowed down a bit to only 10 or 15 a day… though I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

What if people aren't reading my column any more? Shudder to think of losing job because no one bothers to send in letters anymore. Eek!

.

2pm- Have decided to go to Trish's salon after work for 'the works'. Now that pseudo-relationship with Sirius has gone to shit, is more important than ever that am perfectly groomed.

Fuck. I'm single… already. Gah.

.

3pm- At least I have money… and a job… and friends (even if they forget my birthday). Must be grateful.

.

4pm- I miss school. Life was so much better back then. Relationships weren't taken too seriously and we always seemed to have such marvellous adventures back there.

I miss being shit in class, with no real consequences. If I'm shit here, at my job, I'll get fired and then I'll have rent and food to worry about.

I don't know what I ever complained about when I was back at school. Life was good, back then!

I even miss Minnie a bit. Now that she's gone, I appreciate what it is to have someone who cares enough to keep you in line. Merlin knows I'm terrible at keeping my own life in order. Hmph.

.

8pm- Ahhh just got back from the salon. Trish was lovely and very helpful. This was what she said to me-

'Honey, maybe you two just weren't meant to be!'

I sighed.

'Maybe… but why do I feel so shit, right now? Shouldn't I feel relieved?'

She shook her head sagely, as she filed my nails.

'No, of course not! Even if you didn't feel like shagging him, you still loved him as a best friend.'

'But that's just it!' I exclaimed. 'I kind of did want to shag him in the end… but then he forgot my birthday and I just lost it!'

'Honey,' she said flatly. 'You had every right to be pissed off at him for that!'

'Hmph.'

'Listen,' she said calmly. 'Maybe when he gets back you two can work on being friends. Maybe it was just a case of wrong place and wrong time?'

I screwed my nose.

'Somehow,' I sighed. 'I think that was my one and only shot with him. I doubt we'll ever try reliving it.'

Trish sighed and patted my hand.

'Well don't worry about that now. He's gone for the month at least, so you focus on yourself. You're single- so make sure you put yourself out there as much as you can.'

I guess she's right. I should just move on. Hopefully, one day he and I will be able to look back and laugh on the time we attempted to be in a relationship.

But hmph—I really wish it had worked out. I can't shake this uneasy feeling. I just feel like I fucked up. I guess it's a mixture of guilt and self-pity, and injured pride.

All horrible feelings. Eugh. I've never felt less attractive.

Oh well… at least my nails look nice, and legs and lady bits are freshly waxed.

Also, must congratulate self on being able to pay first rent with no fuss. Well done to me!

.

11pm- Mary and I are going out! We are two single girls… and it is time we behaved like single girls. It's Friday night, after all!

We are going to get pissed, and hopefully snog plenty of boys. Hehe.

.

11.30pm- Hmph. Home already. All the men suddenly seem so sleazy. Also, didn't feel like drinking much, what with recent heart issues.

Fuck. This cannot be happening to me.

* * *

**September 2 **

**Weight: 10 st 2**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Dates: 1 (Hurrah!)**

**Calories: 2000 (bad)**

**Broken heart: mending quite well!**

**Money: 180**

**.**

11am- Bleh. Hate coming into work when Mary and Lily are louging about the place like normal people, enjoying their weekend off.

Not fair.

.

12noon- Oh my giddy aunt! Just ran into Mark Darcie in the coffee room-

'Oh hi Anna,' he said, smiling and handing me the coffee he'd just made for himself (chivalry is not dead!)

'Hey,' I said, trying to be casual sex goddess (but probably failing).

'So how did your birthday go in the end?'

My face fell suddenly.

'Oh… um… yeah, it wasn't too amazing actually. But it's a long story and I don't want to bore you.'

'Oh no!' he frowned. 'Your boyfriend didn't come through?'

I cleared my throat quickly.

'Actually… not my boyfriend anymore.'

I think he tried to look sad for me, but failed miserably.

'Oh… I'm so sorry,' he said, patting my shoulder awkwardly.

I shrugged.

'We were probably always best to remain as just friends. Anyway… how have you been?'

'Same old. Unfortunately, I haven't had any naked girls on my balcony lately…'

I blushed and then we both laughed.

'Please don't remind me!' I groaned. 'If there's one thing you should know, as my neighbour, it's that I manage to get myself in the most impossible situations.'

He smiled.

'I think I may have picked up on that about you,' he laughed.

At this point, Helen Asteria dashed into the coffee room, skulled down two cups of coffee, and ran back out.

'She's a weird one,' Mark mused.

'She's alright,' I said.

Jole walked past, and we both stiffened.

'Okay, I'd better go,' I whispered. 'I can't afford to lose my job.'

Just as I was at the door, he called out-

'Hey..,. maybe we can get dinner sometime next week?'

I was so surpised I couldn't help shrugging and nodding, with a stupid smile on my face.

So I guess now I've got a date with Mark Darcie sometime next week. Well… fuck.

.

1pm- But what about Sirius?

.

1.10pm- He was pretty clear that he we were definitely broken up. Will discuss this further with the girls when I get home. Gahhhh. Hate this whole dating warfare. Am now really seeing the perks of an arranged marriage-

You're put together, and then you have to just tough it out, for better or worse. None of this dating bullshit. Gahhh.

.

2pm- Mm. Mum's home. Just received this note from her-

_Oh hello darling,_

_Julio and I arrived back from our delightlful honeymoon this morning. I'll tell you all about it when I see you next._

_How about Sunday lunch?_

_Love,_

_Mother._

_._

2.15pm- Honestly! They're still copying each other? REALLY?

Dad's home too-

_Dear Anna,_

_We're back from the honeymoon. Can you make it to brunch this Sunday? Around 10.30am?_

_Love, Dad._

.

Looks like I'll be eating a LOT of food tomorrow. Can't very well reject them, given I ruined both their respective weddings.

Note to self: Buy 'sorry' presents for them after work.

.

5pm- Huh. Just made the homewares shop. Resisted the urge to buy more things to decorate apartment with, and bought them each a Witchwood vase. I think it's v pretty (and expensive enough)… so hopefully will act as a metaphorical olive branch to them.

.

5.10pm- Hmm, an olive branch would've been MUCH cheaper…

.

7pm- Emergency meeting with girls… at The Singing Goblet.

.

9pm- Girls were v supportive. We ordered a carafe of vodka cranberry and really nutted out my Mark Darcie situation-

'Of course you can't go!' Lily gasped. 'You and Sirius only just broke up!'

'Why shouldn't she go?' Mary snapped. 'Sirius was very clear with her that they were over. She shouldn't refuse a good man like Mark Darcie because she's adhering to some ridiculous 'mourning period'.

'But don't you think…'

'Who's going to tell Sirius she's dating another man so soon, anyway?' Mary snapped. 'I certainly won't!'

Lily shifted uncomfortably.

'No of course I won't… but Anna, are you really over Sirius?'

I sighed.

'I don't know! I just… '

'What?'

I screamed.

'I don't know! We were fucked from the beginning He's gone, and probably shagging every tart out there…'

'Yeah, probably,' Mary muttered darkly. 'Fucking Remus…'

'We'll get to Remus in a moment,' Lily sighed. 'But do you really like Mark Darcie, Anna?'

I shrugged.

'He's nice. Really nice…. And sometimes he's funny too. He's clever, he's got a stable job… I think he could be good for me. Maybe he could bring me back to earth a bit more. Sirius seemed to encourage my ridiculousness which, really, isn't a very good thing.'

'But at least you could be yourself with Sirius,' Lily reasoned. 'If you're always 'behaving' yourself with Mark, then you're really not being yourself.'

Mary groaned.

'Why are we analyzing this so much? He didn't ask her to marry him. He asked her out to dinner! There's nothing wrong with that. Let her go and see where it goes. No use hypothesizing over nothing!'

We all agreed, and then moved on to Mary's 'Remus' issues… which mainly involved interrogating Lily over what James had said. Unfortunately, she was useless-

'I'm sorry!' she cried. 'I tried asking him, but he said it was part of his Marauder code to keep quite on the subject.'

We rolled our eyes.

'Which must mean it's because of his Werewolf issues,' I said. 'Think about it- otherwise he'd have just come out straight and said that Remus just doesn't love you anymore.'

Mary covered her ears.

'Don't say that!'

'But…'

She tugged at her hair.

'Fuck! We were together for so long, it seemed. I can't believe he just _did_ that to me. He's a fucking areshole. A huge fuckwit.'

We all agreed on this point.

'But it just doesn't make any sense,' she sighed. 'He was always so nice. Did any of you pick up on anything?'

I sighed.

'Aside from a very strong 'gay vibe'… no. I agree. He was always the most tactful, and the nicest of the Marauders…'

'Which makes me think he said all that to try putting you off him because of his Werewolf thing,' Lily sighed. 'Otherwise, he'd have broken up much more nicely with you. He wanted for you to hate him so that, should he ever weaken his resolve and think about getting back with you… you'd hate his guts too much to even consider it.'

We stared at Lily, and I quickly poured out more vodka cran, which we downed quickly.

'Men suck,' I sighed miserably.

'Amen,' Mary said sloppily, refilling her glass, chinking it with mine, and downing another vodka cran.

'I miss James,' Lily burst out suddenly. 'I miss sex!'

Mary and I rolled our eyes.

'You have a boyfriend,' I said sharply. 'You're not allowed to complain!'

'But it's so horrible! I keep wishing we'd have married, now!'

'Whatever…' Mary sighed. 'He treats you like a princess. You have nothing to complain about.'

'But he's gone!' Lily cried. 'For a whole month! What if something happens to him.'

I shivered as I thought of Sirius again, and quickly dashed for the bathroom, hurling up all the contents of my stomach.

When I came back, Lily and Mary were hugging each other drunkenly.

'You still miss him, don't you?' Lily said sadly.

I nodded and started crying. They both hugged me tightly, and forced me to drink water.

'I don't want him to die.'

'He won't,' Lily said firmly. 'They'll both come back in one piece.'

So then we came back to our place and are now getting ready for a movie night in.

Two and a Half Spinsters. They should turn that into a fucking tv show.

* * *

**September 3 **

**Weight: 10 000 st (feels like)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 5000**

**Stomach: About to burst**

**Drinks: Approx 5**

**Money: 180**

**.**

10am- Ugh. V hungover. Don't want to face Shirley. Just want to sleeeeeeeeep.

.

7pm- Am SO tired.

Okay, am v.v.v.v.v suspicious of Julio. Will get to that in a bit-

So, dad and Shirley were okay. Well, Shirley is no less annoying, but she did seem nice about the present I got (even a bit surprised!) and said not to worry one bit about ruining her wedding because, obviously, is not my fault a bee stung me and had an allergic reaction.

Dad looks very good, actually. I hate to admit it, but… Shirley seems to be okay for him. He's lost heaps of weight, stopped smoking… and actually looks younger! Go dad!

.

Now, mum… she was good. She too seems to have vastly improved since the divorce. She barely criticized me throughout lunch, and even bought me a lovely pair of sandals from her trip. I didn't think it would be wise to inform her of my failed attempt at a relationship with Sirius so, basically, I just spent the whole afternoon listening to her prattle on about her honeymoon.

Anyway, so this is what I wanted to talk about-

Now, as I was leaving, I bumped into Julio. He dropped the letter he was holding, and I saw that it was addressed to Shirley, at my dad's house.

I went to say something, but he quickly pocketed the letter and said he was simply writing to 'welcome them home.'

Something stinks…. But I'm not sure what, just yet. This is all v suspicious. Why would Julio send a letter to Shirley? Surely the right thing to do is to send it to the man of the house… right?

Gah! This just makes me miss Sirius even more. Usually, I'd come to him with this sort of stuff.

But he's gone.

Fuck.

.

8pm- Ugh. As though eating all that food at brunch and lunch wasn't bad enough, just demolished an entire tub of ice cream.

Note to self: Must refrain from eating feelings in the future.

* * *

**Sept 4**

**Weight: 10 st 3**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 3000 (terrible!)**

**Pre-reading: 0**

**Hours spent cleaning: 5**

**Hours spent procrastinating pre-reading: 5**

**Drinks: 3**

**Money: 175**

**.**

1pm- Right. Have decided I should just be single for now. Won't go on any dates, and will just focus on becoming successful and poised, alone.

Was reading through previous entries last night (mostly those pertaining to Sirius, if we're to be honest), and saw the one where he told me he couldn't be confident for me, but I had to find it myself.

He was right. Am going to find my confidence… or mojo, or whatever one wants to call it.

.

6pm- Hmph. Package from Psychology course just arrived. Euuugh. I have a MASSIVE booklet of pre-reading to get through, before the course starts

DO NOT WANT TO READ IT.

.

6.10pm- Okay, will just go have a shower, and then start reading.

.

11.30pm- Right. Somehow, in the past 5 hours, have managed to clean the ENTIRE apartment. You know you're procrastinating when you start cleaning your toaster.

I cleaned my fucking toaster! Gahhh

And, in all that time, how much pre-reading have I done?

Absolutely none.

I am ridiculous. You'd think I'd have leant my lesson after my NEWT debacle. Unfortunately, my decent-ish grades sort of defeated the purpose of their 'teaching me a lesson'.

Gahh.

Okay, starting tomorrow am going to properly start my pre-reading. Is really v essential that I start uni on top of my work.

Note to self: Discuss work schedule with Helen Asteria tomorrow.

* * *

**September 5 **

**Weight: 10 st 4 (disgusting! Am turning into a walrus)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2700 **

**Pre-reading: 0 (abominable)**

**Meetings with Helen Asteria: 0 (terrible!)**

**Hours spent procrastinating: All day.**

**Drinks: 4 (bad)**

**Money: 170**

**.**

11am- Work.

Right. Am going to go talk to Helen Asteria re: work situation when uni starts next week. Will just wait till she finishes the meeting she's in now…

Here is my uni schedule:

Mon: 11am on - 1pm

Tuesday: 11- 3pm

Thursday: 9am- 1pm

Friday: 10am- 12 noon

.

So I figure I could probably come into work on all days except for Tuesday and Thursday. The University is pretty close by, so shouldn't be too difficult to drop by to the office once finish lectures and tutes for the day.

.

1pm- Still haven't spoken to Helen Asteria yet. She's alone in office at the moment…. Should go now…

But I need to pee first.

.

1.10pm- What luck! She's in a meeting now! Oh well… I guess I'd better finish my responses before I chat to her, actually…

.

1.30pm- But she's free now! But no… should do responses first.

.

3pm- Okay, responses are done and approved… but Helen Asteria is no where in sight.

Hmmm.

.

3.10pm- Ugh, she's up in Mark Darcie's section. Am not going up there. Will talk to her tomorrow.

.

5pm- V. v. bad! Must bite the bullet and speak to her re: cutting back at work!

But I don't want to cut back at work! I love my job. It's the only good thing in my life at the moment.

And boo. That stupid pile of pre-reading looks so terrifying. I imagine it's similar to what a massive penis must look like to a tiny virgin.

Well that metaphor could be applied to my virginal psychology brain. Can't they ease me into it with a smaller pile of reading? Honestly!

Hmm… am not even sure why I ever felt the need to study. Why did I cry about not getting into the course? Was probably a blessing in disguise.

.

5.30pm- Maybe initial rejection was a sign that I really SHOULDN'T embark on psychology course.

Am not sure why am doing this to self. I certainly struggled studying all through school… so why inflict the pain of further study on myself?

Makes no sense.

.

6pm- Am going to help out with dinner. While I can't cook, I can chop things up pretty well. This is a necessary part of being a housemate and, hence, pre-reading will just have to wait.

.

6.40pm- Oooh… movie on tv…

.

7pm- Mary and I are going to give each other foot massages. Lily is busy studying her Healer pre-reading.

Mary and I have made a pact we're going to start pre-reading tomorrow.

But tonight, we live for one more night!

.

11pm- Psychology course is stressing me out. Don't want to be amongst classmates who will psychoanalyse me as being a retard.

.

11.20pm- Also, I miss Sirius. This is the kind of time he'd tell me to just do it. He's so clever when it comes to such matters.

.

11.21pm- Am pathetic. Here I am whining about a bit of pre-reading, while he's out there risking his life to be an Auror.

Should be ashamed of myself.

.

11.22pm- I hope he's okay.

.

11.23pm- Maybe will go to a church and pray that he's okay. I've never really gone inside a church before, though. Hmmm.

.

11.24pm- Or prayed, come to think of it…

.11.25pm- Maybe can go to confession, like the do in the movies?

.

11.30pm- Holy shit. I need to get my life in order. And I need to do that by myself, as Sirius said.

Okay. Am going to talk to Helen Asteria tomorrow. Will send her a note requesting a meeting time as soon as I get in. That way, won't be able to get out of it.

V. good.

.

1am- I miss being kicked out of my own bed by Sirius. Would give anything to have that again, now.

I think I'm going to have a bit of wine to put myself to sleep.

.

2am- Mary drinkesh wines wit me. Single girlsh foreves!

* * *

**September 6**

**Weight: 10 st 5 (eugh!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 3200 **

**Pre-reading: 0 (worrying)**

**Meetings with Helen Asteria: 1 (good)**

**Confessions: 1 (v. good)**

**Shags: 1 (Hmm)**

**Drinks: 10 (terrible)**

**Money: 165**

**.**

**9am- **Okay. I can do this. Have just sent Helen Asteria a note to… ah. She wants to see me. Fuck…

.

10am- Right. That really wasn't anywhere near as painful as I thought it'd be!

I entered to find her office a complete mess. She was chucking papers everywhere.

'Um…'

'Come in, come in,' she called, tossing a file over her shoulder. 'Oh fuck it. Let's go get some coffee.'

'Have you lost something?'

She nodded darkly.

'Yes… and summoning it isn't working, as it's a very important document that can't be summoned.'

'Oh dear,' I said.

'Forget it,' she said, as we stepped into the elevator. 'I think I just remembered where I put it…'

She looked at me sheepishly.

'Wait here. I'll be fidgety until I find it so it's best I just search that spot now…'

Without another word, she dashed off back to the offices. I waited around nervously. Then, I saw Mark Darcie walking in my direction and wanted to run right after Helen Asteria.

'Hi Anna,' he said, pressing the button for the elevator. 'Are you going up or down?'

'Actually, I'm waiting here for Helen Asteria to return.'

He smirked.

'What does she want? Are you in trouble with the big bad boss?'

'No,' I said. 'She forgot something. And she's not bad… or big.'

He laughed.

'Sure… whatever you say.'

He stepped into the lift, but then put a hand out to stop the doors from shutting.'

'Are you free tonight?'

I panicked.

'Umm… no. I have a thing…with… Mary,' I said, very unconvincingly.

He nodded slowly.

'Oh right. Okay, well enjoy whatever you're doing with Mary.'

And then he left.

At that moment, Helen Asteria appeared, panting.

'I found it,' she gasped, her eyes all wild and hair a bit of a mess. 'The fucking thing was _hiding_ from me! Never trust a document that can think for itself. Fuck!'

I didn't even bother trying to understand what she was talking about, and so we went down for coffee.

'So,' she said, sipping on her espresso. 'What was it you wanted to discuss?'

'I start uni next week,' I said. 'And so I'm probably going to have to cut back my work here, a bit.'

Her shoulders slumped.

'Oh no… but you're doing so well! The feedback we've had has been excellent! Jole even suggested we might think about your writing a weekly advice column on whatever topic you like.'

WHY AM I DECIDING TO STUDY? GAH

Anyway, I showed her my schedule and we decided I'd just drop in for a few hours on all days except for Tuesday, which I'd have off- and they'll just publish whatever responses I've done throughout the week that haven't been used yet.

Also, my pay is going to be reduced to 80 galleons a week. REALLY not too happy about that but… well, I guess is only fair, given am going to be spending considerably less time in the office.

Anyway, so am trying to answer as many questions as I can now, because they're going to keep them 'on file' should I have any sick days/for Tuesdays etc.

Okay… right. Time to work.

.

11am- Should I have accepted Mark Darcie? I just don't feel ready for any sort of relationship. Especially not after the Sirius disaster.

And, really, life is much less complicated when single. I should be trying to simplify life as much as I can now that am about to become superwoman and juggle uni and DP job.

.

11.30am- Aww. I just received the nicest letter. It wasn't a question, but a letter from a girl whose question I answered. This is what she wrote-

_Dear Anna,_

_I want to thank you for answering my question in the DP, on Monday. Your advice was very good and I've decided to chuck him. In a way, I think I always knew I should never have taken the cheating scumbag back, but I think I needed someone else (i.e. you) to point out to me just how crap a boyfriend he was._

_Already I feel like I've turned my life around. I've managed to get a job AND a new place in the past few days, and I feel much stronger, now that I'm not relying on a man to survive. _

_You have changed my life. Thank you a million times._

_Love,_

_Julie._

.

I think that, there, has just mended my broken heart. I feel all warm and fuzzy now! I can't believe I managed to help that girl so much. Well, obviously she did all the hard work herself… but is very heart-warming to know that I inspired her to go take control of her life.

.

12 noon- Am going to go to church now.

.

1pm- Church was… an experience.

I went up to the guy wearing the collar (in Mills & Boon novels, he's always the priest so I assumed he was the one to talk to)

'Padre?' I said, remembering 'Lovers Under the Sun'

He cleared his throat.

'You may call me Father Stephen,' he said, eyeing me warily (I think he's a psychic, and could already tell that I was a church-virgin).

'I'd like to do confession,' I said nervously.

He gave me a stern look, before walking to the confession booth. I went to follow him into his booth, but then he stopped and glared at me.

'You're in the next booth,' he snapped.

'Oh… sorry.'

I sat in the cramped wooden booth and looked through the lattice wood.

'So… um…'

'You usually begin by saying 'forgive me Father, for I have sinned.'

'Oh… right… Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.'

He then muttered some kind of prayer thing in Latin or something.

'Um… this is my first confession. How does this work?'

'I can tell,' he said drily. 'Confess your sins.'

'Well, I'm not sure if they're sins per se… I mean 'sin' seems to be a pretty heavy word and I don't think I'm _that_ horrid but… well, I figured this might be a cheaper way of obtaining counseling than paying a psychiatrist.'

He coughed at this.

'Right… so, um… well the thing is…'

I paused.

'Can I trust you? You won't go blabbering any of this to you're your followers or anything?'

'It's called a congregation,' he said stiffly. 'And I can assure you anything you confess will be kept confidential.'

'Right,' I continued. 'Well I've got this friend- Sirius. He's like one of my best friends. And I've fancied him for so long.'

There was no response, so I tapped at the screen.

'Are you listening?'

'Yes,' he muttered.

'Right. Anyway, so I fancied Sirius for ages and then we became really close- all the while, I was still fancying him- and then, about two weeks ago, I kind of admitted that I fancied him.'

'Right…' said the priest weakly.

'Yes, and suddenly I felt so strange! I'm not sure why, but I really couldn't stomach the thought of snogging him, let alone shagging him. What could be wrong with me?'

The priest spluttered for a while, and then drew a deep breath.

'One should not have carnal knowledge before marriage. It was God, inside of you, preventing you from committing the sin of the flesh.'

It was at this point that I realised that- perhaps- a priest may not have the best person to come to for this. Nonetheless, I persisted.

'Okay, sin aside…. Why do you think I was hesitant? This is a boy whom I was really comfortable with until we decided to go out with each other. Why was I frightened of being in a relationship- carnal or not.'

There was silence, and I tapped on the screen again.

'Yes,' the priest snapped. 'I'm just thinking.'

'Okay.'

A minute later, he sighed.

'I believe,' he said, 'that you are frightened of the commitment. You must be quite young.'

'19.'

'Exactly. This is a day and age where it is not vogue to marry at such a young age.'

'Marriage!' I exclaimed. 'Who said anything about _marriage!_'

'I believe the problem is that you wish this boy to be not just some summer fling, but to be 'the one'.'

'Right… so why did I screw it up so badly?'

'Maybe,' he said, 'Because this isn't the right time. You are afraid that if you two embark on a relationship so soon, that you won't last long enough to make it to a marriage altar.'

'But…'

I paused, and realised that there was certainly some truth in what the priest was saying.

'So….' I said slowly. 'I found it hard to commit because I was afraid he wouldn't make the ultimate commitment with me.'

'Yes. I have a question.'

'Hmm?' I said, mulling over this new theory on my behaviour.

'Is your parents marriage a happy one?'

'They divorced and just remarried.'

'Ah. That makes a lot of sense.'

I tapped at the screen insistently.

'How? What do you mean?'

'Please don't wreck that screen,' he said. 'I only just had it replaced.'

'Explain yourself.'

'Well you obviously have deep-seated commitment issues stemming from the fact that your parents' marriage dissipated. Which, I think, you view as a sign that someone you should trust absolutely- i.e. a spouse- can end up hurting and leaving you.'

'And cheating on you,' I said sourly.

'Was there infidelity in the marriage?'

'Yes,' I muttered.

'Well there's the root of your problem.'

'Huh… you're very good at this.'

He chuckled, and then sighed (a little hysterically).

'I've been a priest for half a century. I'd hope I was quite good at it by now.'

'Okay… well I've got to get back to work now so…'

It was a bit awkward leaving, and he suggested I attend mass (probably not going to happen), but I feel it was a very fruitful expedition nonetheless.

Basically, I need to stop allowing my parents' fucked up marriage to fuck me, and any future relationships of my own, up.

V. good.

.

6pm- Oh crap. Mary, horrible friend that she is, has blackmailed me into going on a Speed-dating evening with her. She says that we must 'get back on the horse' and that, if I don't go with her, she will invite Rob over tomorrow night.

Gah. What to wear?

Also, who actually GOES to speed-dating? Do any decent men show up? I always thought it was full of people who have exhausted all normal means of acquiring a partner.

Then again, I probably belong to this latter category so… off I go.

I cannot forsee anything good resulting from this evening….

* * *

**Next chapter-**

'_Fuck. Have been humiliated in front of ENTIRE psychology class on first day of school. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.'_

AND

'_This 'office romance'- if that is what you call it- is really starting to put a damper on my DP experience. Hmph.'_

.

**Who is the office romance? Will Anna have all her pre-reading done by her first day of uni? What is Julio up to?**

**And how will the speed-dating go?**

**Review and all shall be revealed!**

**Love, Anya**

**P.S. Please check out my Movember (for Prostate Cancer) link on my profile. All donations are very much appreciated… and you can think of it as karma. Do something good for the men of this world, and you will probably end up with a very good one, sometime in the future!**


	34. Chapter 34: September 7 to 17

**September 7 **

**Weight: 10 st 4 (shagging is good exercise)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (shagging not conducive for growing)**

**Calories: 1000 (shagging suppresses appetite- v. good) **

**Pre-reading: 0 (v. worried now)**

**Hours spent being guilty: 10 (approx)**

**Shags: 0 (v. good)**

**Hours spent thinking about Sirius: Too many**

**Hours spent thinking about Mark Darcie: 10 mins (v. good)**

**Drinks: 10 (terrible)**

**Money: 160**

* * *

**10am- **Work.

When one goes to confession, I believe it should be customary that they should leave a better person- with morals that have been strengthened, not weakened.

I, Anna Jones, am an exception to that rule. Merely hours after stepping out of that confession booth- feeling more cleansed and pure than I ever have- I turned into a drunken harlot of the worst variety.

Fuck. Also, I blame Mary. Should Heaven exist- and should I ever have the good fortune at a chance of entering it- I am going to unashamedly give her name when asked for an explanation of my shameful behaviour, yesterday.

You see, it all began with that bloody speed-dating. You see, there were unlimited drinks included in the 8 galleon ticket, and as I had no interest in any of the men there, I decided to get as sloshed as possible before the horrific event actually began.

Begin it did, though. I can't really remember most of the men I met. We only had 4 minutes per person anyway.

But then one particular person happened to be there, and that's when it _really_ started turning to shit.

You see, that person was Mark Darcie.

He sat in front of me, and I gasped.

'Mark!'

'Anna!' he said, in a strangled voice. 'What are you doing here?'

'I was dragged down here by my friend, Mary,' I said. 'You?'

He sighed.

'Same. My friend Tom dragged me here for moral support.'

He nodded over to Mary's table, where she was sitting dangerously close to a spectacled man who was without a doubt an accountant of some kind.

'Let me guess,' I said. 'He's in finance.'

'How could you tell?'

I snorted.

'I haven't seen a bigger nerd in my life.'

'Hey! What does that make me?'

'The second-biggest nerd,' I laughed. 'Mary's last boyfriend was into books, so I think she might be a nerdophile.'

'Nerdophile!' Mark exclaimed.

'Yes! She's into nerds…'

Then I sighed.

'It's a pity though. I still think he loves her…. they were really good together.'

Mark coughed and I turned to see Mary snogging Tom furiously across the table. A second later, they had apparated away.

'Well fuck me…' I breathed, shocked. 'They've…'

'Gone,' Mark said. 'Shall we?'

I looked up, surprised.

'What? Shag?'

He laughed, and turned bright red.

'Well, I wouldn't object to that, but I was going to suggest we start by leaving.'

I blushed furiously.

'Oh yeah… let's. If I have to meet another pervy old man, I'm going to scream.'

So we went back to his place.

'Feel like playing a game?' he said.

I was taken aback.

'That's very forward!'

'Coming from she who was naked when we first met,' he laughed. 'And there's nothing suggestive about Scraggle.'

I rolled my eyes and he set up the game. He also cracked open another bottle of wine, and then another, and then another…

Meanwhile, I discovered that Scraggle can be _extremely_ suggestive as we managed to come up with the dirtiest words we could as we continued to play.

One thing led to another and…

I bloody shagged him. I can't believe it. What's wrong with me? I sit there being in love with Sirius for a whole bloody year, and the thought of snogging him brings me to a panic attack…

And yet I have no problems with jumping straight into bed with bloody Mark Darcie.

I left before he woke up this morning, and have been feeling horrid ever since. I know I'm not with Sirius anymore so it's not exactly betrayal, but I can't help feeling I've done a really shitty thing by shagging Mark D.

.

12 noon- Fuck. He sent a note asking if I want to go to lunch… am going to say am busy.

Fuck. The thing is, Mark Darcie himself is really nice too. I can't be a bitch to him just because I am a fuck up.

.

12.01pm- Also, this 'office romance'- if that is what you call it- is really starting to put a damper on my DP experience. Hmph.

.

12.20pm- Am really v. hungry now…

.

1pm- Other peoples' problems are _far _more important than mine. Am going to try being less selfish.

.

3pm- Aghhh! Just bumped into him. Was v awkward, and felt horrible as he seemed really happy to see me. Gah.

I said I'd go to lunch with him tomorrow. Eugh.

.

9pm- Oh fuck. Mary is well slutted. Came home to find her in a state over her dirty one night shag with Tom. This made me worse, because I too started crying and we ended up sitting miserably at the kitchen table, eating flapjacks and drinking milk.

When did life get so bloody complicated and depressing? Why is Remus being a top arsehole?

And why couldn't I have made it work with Sirius?

And why have I done no pre-reading? Am going to fail Psychology course before have even started.

And why am I going to lunch with Mark Darcie?

* * *

**September 8 **

**Weight: 10 st 3 (better) **

**Height: 5 ft 5 (hmph)**

**Calories: 2000 **

**Pre-reading: 0 (spectacularly shit of me)**

**Cancelled dates: 1 (YAY!)**

**Money: 150**

* * *

11am- EXCELLENT NEWS!

Mark Darcie has been called to go to Thailand for the next 2 weeks for some reporting thing. He sends his apologies.

Am v relieved. I think I need more time before dealing with him.

So now that he's gone, I can write this-

He was actually a v good shag. Better than Daniel, not as good as Rob (but let's face it, that crazy Australian is probably a hard one to top)…

If it wasn't for the fact I'm emotionally fucked up at the moment, and still confused about Sirius, I'd probably want to be with him. He really is a v good guy…

.

1pm- Lunch break. Must hurry and find Mary a present as is her birthday on Saturday and I, unlike her, am not going to be a horrid friend. I think I'll get her the new Malkin No 5 perfume.

.

2pm-Hm. Interesting. Was just walking back to work when I saw Julio and Shirley chatting in a nook on Diagon Alley. Something is v suspicious about those two. Am going to catch dad at work before he leaves.

.

5pm- Right. Just came from dad's work. Had to be subtle, so chatted to him about his work, and then my work for a while. Then, casually brought up Shirley-

'So, how's Shirley?'

He shrugged.

'Good.'

I fidgeted with the lace on my shirt.

'Yeah, I just saw her on Diagon Alley.'

'Did you say hi?'

I bit my lip.

'No… she was busy.'

Did started sorting through some files, not getting it.

'She was… uh… talking to Julio.'

Dad dropped his file and looked up at me.

'J…Julio?'

I nodded, feeling terrible.

'I didn't want to say anything- maybe it's just nothing- but… I just wanted to let you know.'

Dad looked at me for a moment, before smiling placidly at me.

'Oh Anna… I thought you were over all that.'

I frowned.

'What do you mean?'

'I thought you had accepted Shirley! Especially when you bought her that Witchwood vase…'

'Dad!' I exclaimed, v annoyed he was being suspicious of _me_,' I'm not lying! I saw them chatting together… and, the other day when I was at mum's, Julio dropped a letter that was addressed to Shirley!'

Dad stood up and went to leave the office.

'DAD!' I called.

'He stopped at the door.'

'Anna, I don't have time for your histrionics. I'm busy. See yourself out, I've got a meeting now.'

And then he left.

I'll be buggered if something dodgy isn't going on. This is all _very, very _suspicious, and I want to get to the bottom of it.

Soon.

.

8pm- Friday night blues. We're drinking wine and planning Mary's birthday for tomorrow night.

.

8.10pm- We need no plan other than this-

2 x Vodka

5 x Cranberry juice

1 x Birthday cake

.

There! Sorted! Right. We're going to go to the supermarket and purchase all this…

.

10pm- Fucks. We drinsesh it all up. Need more.

* * *

**September 9 (Saturday)**

**Too hungover for any numbers. Useless anyway.**

.

11am- Ugh. Wearing sunglasses at work. V unclassy, but light is blinding. Hate vodka.

.

11.11am- Lucky time… Patchouli just gave me a bottle of hangover tonic. Thank the fucking lord.

.

12 noon- Right. Here are my top issues/priorities at the moment:

1/ Julio/Shirley- get to the bottom of why they are meeting and corresponding

2/ Sirius (difficult to sort out with him away)

3/Psychology pre-reading

4/ Plan Jamaica (i.e. purchase beachy clothing, and lose weight)

5/ Work

.

6pm- Ugh SO glad to be done with work. I need a drink…

* * *

**September 10 (Sunday)**

**Hungover (again). No figures.**

**.**

11am- We are staying at home all day today, and resting. Uni starts tomorrow, no pre-reading has been done, and life is turning to shit.

We are going to lounge at home and have a day of peace before the shit hits the fan and life gets crazy busy.

.

12noon- Except Lily has to go to work. Mary received a jigsaw puzzle from her old aunt Mildred. We are going to drink tea and do it and bitch about men.

.

1pm- Puzzle is impossible. Is a massive 2000 word puzzle….

.

7pm- Still doing puzzle. Is addictive. We've nearly done a quarter of it…

.

9pm- Lily is home. She says we need to clear up kitchen table, but we have banned her from ruining the puzzle.

.

11pm- Lily is ordering us to go to bed so we aren't slutted at uni tomorrow… but we have just had a huge breakthrough in the puzzle.

I never knew jigsaws could be so entertaining. We have done nothing all day but run to the toilet, get a quick glass of water and make a quick piece of toast so that we barely have to leave the jigsaw.

Oomph. My neck hurts…

.

1am- Lily has locked us in our rooms… but I can't sleep. I'm sure we can finish it in less than an hour!

.

3am- Ha ha! Just snuck out of room to find Mary loitering around the kitchen table! We are going to finish the jigsaw right now!

.

6am- Ughhhh just finished jigsaw puzzle. Feel v satisfied… but now also a bit stupid, as have come to the realisation that have stayed up ALL night when I should be sleeping or at least doing SOME pre-reading.

.

6.05am- Whoops. Lily woke up and busted us. Just escaped from her AB lecture. She is v angry with us.

.

7am- Oh fuck. I start uni today, and have had zero sleep. Will try doing some reading now… as much as I can, in this state.

* * *

**September 11 **

**Too tired for units. **

.

11pm- Shittest day of my life. Have quit psychology. I want Sirius to come back, because I miss him. Fuck. Everything is wrong. I just want to cry.

* * *

**September 12 **

**.**

Fuck. Yesterday was awful. Was humiliated in front of ENTIRE psychology class on first day of school. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

This is what happened-

I was sitting in the back row, minding my business and taking notes during the introductory lecture.

In the middle of the lecture, a cutting of my column appeared on the lecture screen.

'It is columns like these,' said the lecturer (horrid Mr Jenkins), 'That make our job difficult.'

I went bright red as the people sitting in my row started whispering and pointing at me.

'Columns written by unqualified young people who _think_ they know what it is to give advice, but really have no idea. This particular column is called 'Ask Anna,' as seen in the Daily Prophet… by Anna Jones.'

He paused.

'Anna Jones… actually, we have an Anna Jones here. Miss Jones, please stand up.'

I have never felt so ashamed in my entire life. What is worse, is that I don't even feel I deserved it, this time.

Blushing, I stood up.

'Ah yes… Anna Jones. No relation to the pseudo-psychologist in the Daily Prophet, are you?'

What was I meant to say? Mr Jenkins is SUCH a fuckwit.

'Uh… no. Never met her,' I lied, feeling mortified.

He peered at me.

'That's funny. You look _just_ like her.'

He clicked on the projector and suddenly there was the enlarged image of my DP prophet on the screen.

Everyone started giggling and… well… I bolted from the theatre and didn't go back.

So tell me. How the fuck am I meant to walk back into the lecture theatre when I've such an areshole of a lecturer? Aren't psychologists meant to be nice? Make you feel better?

Why is he making me feel horrible and depressed? It seems like he totally missed the point of his fucking job.

Am v angry. Was so furious I went straight to DP and told Helen Asteria am going to go back to full time and have quit Psychology school.

I quit. I won't be treated like that. Especially when I've done nothing to deserve it.

GAHHH. Where is my good karma? Huh? WHERE IS IT? Don't I do good things for the world by helping out people who have issues? By sending letters to them when I don't even have to, simply because I _care_ about that sodding girl who is worried no boy will ever want to go out with her?

And yet life serves me back this kind of shit, in the form of an arsehole lecturer. Grrr.

.

9pm- Lily has made me uneasy now. She says I shouldn't quit so quickly- and also not let some arsehole lecturer ruin my dreams of becoming a Psychologist.

She says I should go into uni on Thursday and report him, should he treat me like that again.

But it's not like school, where I had my friends to stick up for me. I know no one there, so have to deal with the embarrassment and humiliation all alone.

But don't have any uni tomorrow, anyway, so am just not going to think about any of that until Thursday…

* * *

**September 13 **

**Weight: 10 st 4**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (hmph)**

**Calories: 2300 **

**Decisions re: Psychology course: 0**

**Money: 140**

**.**

11pm- Agh. Work was v busy today. Told Helen Asteria may end up going to Psychology tomorrow, but am not sure. She said is okay, whatever I choose. I (har har) asked her if she knew any hit men who could kill Mr Jenkins for me. She laughed and said nothing but 'good luck'.

Bitch. I'm sure she _does_ know some hit men, but she's being a bitch and withholding information.

Maybe I can get her to write an _expose_ on Mr Jenkins, arsehole lecturer of the century.

.

12 midnight- Gah. Promised Lily I'd go. But I don't want toooo!

* * *

**September 14 **

**Weight: 10 st 5 (stress eating)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (hmph)**

**Calories: 2300 **

**Mr Jenkins: Still an arsehole**

**Money: 140**

**.**

8.30am- Right. I can do this. It's only 4 hours… right?

.

3pm- Hmph. Thankfully, arsehole Jenkins is only lecturing one subject, so have decided I most certainly WILL be remaining in psychology course.

He was lecturing our final lecture for the day, from 12 to 1pm. He thankfully ignored me for most of the lecture, up until the very end.

'And that will be all. Make sure you read up on Conditioning before our next lecture- and no, I don't mean the kind of conditioner you put in your hair.'

Everyone laughed at this, but I was too pissed off to give him the satisfaction.

'Anna Jones, please remain behind.'

I really didn't want to, but thought that maybe if I acted like an adult and sorted whatever issues he has out, would be best.

Unfortunately, the arsehole wasn't quite so mature.

'Look, Mr Jenkins,' I sighed, walking up to him.

'Healer Jenkins,' he interrupted.

I frowned.

'You're not a Healer,' I said. 'You're a psychologist.'

'Yes, but I've done a Healership in Psychology, so I am not 'Healer Jenkins.'

I frowned.

'Don't you think you'd be misleading people with that title, though?'

He slammed down his notes and looked at me through his craggy eyebrows.

'Miss Jones,' he said. 'You are an insult to my profession. You treat it as a trivial joke. I have spent my life devoted to the Healing of the mind…'

And this is when I lost my cool.

'So why are you making me feel like shit, then?' I snapped. 'If you're a psychologist, you're meant make people feel _better_. You're not meant to pick on your vulnerable students for sport. What kind of person _are_ you?'

I gasped a little as I realised I had just said all that.

'That column of yours is wrong,' he said stubbornly.

'How is it wrong!' I exclaimed. 'I don't claim to offer medical advice, or to be a Psychologist. People send me questions about feeling down, or boyfriend trouble, and I give them common sense advice! And you- you should be glad! Most of the time I tell them they should get professional help!'

I peered at me for a short while.

'I disagree with a lot of the advice you give,' he said snootily.

I threw up my hands.

'Well of course you do! It's advice! It's all a matter of opinion, which, yes, is going to change from person to person…. But, quite frankly, Mr Jenkins…'

I paused.

'Oh, sorry, I meant _Healer_ Jenkins,' I said drily. 'Well, quite frankly, my personal life is absolutely none of your business and if you continue to persecute me in lectures, I will be involving the Board of Education.'

I paused.

'And I happen to have quite a few connections in that board.'

He blinked, shocked.

'Are we clear?'

He cleared his throat quickly, nodded, and bolted without another word.

So… I guess I'm going to become a psychologist after all!

I have to add here (Mary is reading as I write this, and is insisting I credit her for her 'Board of Education' idea which she suggested I threaten him with if worst came to worst.

Aghhh. Thank MERLIN tomorrow's Friday. We are going to crack open a bottle of champagne to celebrate victory over areshole Jenkins hehe.

* * *

**September 15 (Friday)**

**Weight: 10 st 6 (ugh need a diet)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2200 **

**Hours spent thinking of Sirius: 2**

**Study: 0 (not counting 2 hours of lectures)**

**Money: 120**

.

**1pm**- Am meeting girls for lunch on-campus. Today is Lily's day of lectures, and Mary has lectures until 1.30pm, so we're going to sit in the park and have sandwiches at 1.30pm. Is also a very nice and warm day today, which is excellent.

Am going to go buy the sandwiches, find a good spot to sit, and then hopefully do a bit of study before they get here.

.

6pm- Agh. Working AND studying is quite difficult…. But won't give Arsehole Jenkins the satisfaction of quitting either.

This is horrid. I REALLY need to get some study done, but I'm just so exhausted and it's such nice weather and Mary wants to go late-night shopping to get stuff for Jamaica…

SPEAKING OF- Am going to have to get REALLY ahead before leave for week in Jamaica, as will obviously be holidaying, not studying while in Jamaica.

.

8pm- Oooh! Am v excited for Jamaica now! We each bought new swimsuits, sarongs and lovely beach dresses… oh and these adorable bejewelled flip flops!

Lily is v jealous and wishes she could come with us now. Aww I wish she was coming too…

Then again, keeping one friend away from my brother will be more than enough work, I think.

* * *

**September 16 **

**Weight: 10 st 4 (better)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 500**

**Hours spent thinking of Sirius: 2**

**Study: 0 (not counting 2 hours of lectures)**

**Money: 120**

**.**

9am- Work.

Right. Mary and I decided last night that we are going on a special diet for Jamaica. It's called the Watercress soup diet and, let me tell you, it's fucking disgusting. I think am going to lose weight automatically simply because won't eat anything at all as, all I'm allowed to eat is watercress soup and…well… I hate watercress soup with a passion.

Bleh.

.

10am- Work is MUCH more pleasant than uni. I mean, at work, I have no homework or study to do. All I have to do is answer questions and feel lovely because I'm making the world a better place!

.

10.10am- Ouch. Just got this from some skanky little bitch-

_You're a bitch and should go die. Your advice is rubbish and you're a terrible person._

Will not let it get to me.

.

11am- The toilets, work.

I can't help it. Am sitting here, bawling my eyes out over that fucking note. It was just so mean, and it's not like my life is so wonderful at the moment that it'll simply bounce off me.

I really am a terrible person. Oh fuck…

.

1pm- Just got back from lunch with Helen Asteria. She heard me crying in the toilets and took me out for lunch to cheer me up-

'Look,' she said, downing an entire glass of wine down in one, and pouring herself another glass straight away. 'This job… it's not for everyone. Not everyone's going to like what you have to write, and you just have to know that it's all part of the job. If I had a meltdown for every scathing letter I've received, I'd be in a loony bin by now.'

That made me feel a bit better- knowing that Helen Asteria had also received hate mail at some point.

Then I noticed she looked v. haggard and pale.

'Are you okay?' I asked tentatively, as she downed yet another glass of wine.

'Oh sure…' she said, her hand shaking a little as she reached for the wine glass again.

I peered at her.

'Are you sure?'

She nodded and looked at her clock.

'Are you done with your soup? We need to get back.'

And so now she's storming about her office, chucking things everywhere. Everyone is v tense about the situation.

.

6pm- I am SO glad tomorrow is my day off. Why is there so much drama in my life?

Helen Asteria went from bad to worse. At one point, one of the windows in her office shattered, and everyone stood up, shocked.

Then she started screaming in French and chucking things at the man in her office, before chasing him off down the hallway, hexing him all the way.

Half an hour later, she walked numbly into the work area, and locked herself in her office without a word of explanation.

Everyone looked to me.

'Anna,' Monica whispered. 'Do something!'

'Me!' I exclaimed, feeling v under pressure. 'Why me!'

'Because she _loves_ you,' said Patchouli, rolling her eyes. 'You sorted her out the first time.'

'Yeah, but she doesn't want me…'

But, unfortunately, peer pressure forced me to knock on Helen Asteria's office door.

'Fuck off,' she muttered.

I opened the door tentatively, and saw that she was lying on the floor, her face deathly pale and her eyes glassy. It was horrific.

'Helen…' I said, rushing up to her. 'What…'

She then turned on her side and started puking.

I had no choice, but to apparate her right away to St Mungo's.

Now I'm waiting for the Healers to let me see her. I hope she's alright.

Fuck.

.

9pm- He came back for her. He fucking came back for her.

He never came back for ME.

* * *

**September 17**

**.**

9am- I'm so mad at Sirius. At around 7pm, the Healers let me see Helen Asteria.

'I'm so sorry you had to see that,' she said weakly. 'I'm…'

'What happened,' I interrupted, shocked to see her in such a state.

She wiped the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.

'He wants a divorce. He says I work too much, and he's found someone else and that he's going to marry her instead. The FUCKWIT!'

At which the vase in the corner of her room shattered.

'Helen, calm down!' I exclaimed, worried for my safety.

She sighed and covered her face.

'Look, I'm really sorry about your husband. That's a shitty thing for him to do, and you don't deserve it. Not for working hard, you don't. You can't help your job demands such work hours!'

She screwed up her nose.

'But when you haven't seen each other for over a month…'

'Yeah, but you don't work all the time!' I exclaimed. 'Why didn't _he_ cut back at work?'

She nodded.

'You're right.'

'And you were a good wife to him, right? It's not like you cheated!'

She bit her lip.

'Well, I wouldn't count a snog as cheating…'

I pursed my lips as I remembered how Sirius went to her.

Then, there was the sound of running footsteps.

'Helen!'

I turned around, shocked, to see Sirius, pale and panting, at the door. She sat up, suddenly.

'Aren't you meant to be away for the month?' she said, her voice breaking.

He then looked at me, and went to say something, but I ran out before he could. And now I'm just really mad at him. Helen does something REALLY wrong like cheating on him, and he forgives her. She has a breakdown, and he's by her side in a second.

I have a few commitment issues, and he dumps me. I land in hospital, and I don't hear peep from him.

Maybe he is an areshole, and I'm just seeing it now. Fucking hell. All men are such bastards…

.

1pm- Hmph. James is here too. He and Lily are wasting no time in her room. Didn't even take the time to put a silencing charm before they began their shag fest.

It turns out that they have been given the weekend off from Auror training…. And, naturally, Sirius is spending that with Helen Asteria.

.

9pm- I'm so happy now!

Mary and I were replacing the water-cress soup in our diet with wine (much more beneficial, if you ask me), when there was a knock at the door.

I stumbled to get it, only to find Sirius.

'What are you doing here,' I mumbled, letting him in. 'Shouldn't you be off marrying Helen Asteria?'

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

'Can we go somewhere?'

So I let him apparate us to that spot by the lake which _used _to be our special spot, but is now just our spot.

'She had me listed as her second 'next of kin',' he began. 'Obviously, as she's getting divorced, her husband didn't really respond.'

I busied myself by picking the grass around me.

'And no, I'm not going to go marry her. She needs to be alone for a good while, I think.'

I still said nothing, and he took my hand. I quickly withdrew it, because I felt that old chest pain returning and, while it might be a comical concept, I did _not_ want to end up sharing a hospital room with Helen Asteria.

'I'm sorry how things worked out between us,' he said quietly.

'Are you?' I whispered. 'Breaking up seemed so easy for you.'

He took my wrist- firmly, this time.

'Well it wasn't,' he said gruffly. 'I left for training feeling like absolute shit. And now I hear you ended up in hospital? Jesus, Anna, what did you do?'

I couldn't help laughing a bit, now that he was in front of me.

'You think it's funny?'

'Well, it turns out I had a broken heart.'

He stared at me.

'What?'

'My heart… some muscle or something tore. Something about the stress of heartbreak, literally breaking my heart.'

He stared at me.

'What?' I snapped.

'I didn't realise you actually cared about us… that much.'

I hugged my knees to my chest.

'Well I bloody did, Sirius. It was hard for me to get used to the concept of our being a 'couple', but I did want it to work out eventually.'

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

'Okay… let's just wait till my training finishes in two weeks and maybe…'

'Are you assuming I'm still single?' I snapped, feeling a little indignant.

He stared at me.

'It's only been two weeks! Surely…'

But then I realised I didn't exactly want to push him out of my life again, so quickly.

'I was just joking,' I said, trying to block the memory of shagging Mark Darcie from my mind.

He smiled, looking much more relaxed now.

'So…' he said, nudging me. 'What's going on?'

I think it was all just bursting to come out… so, in ten minutes flat, I told him everything about work and uni, and then about Julio and Shirley.

'Hmm,' Sirius said (genuinely smiling now). 'That _does _sound fishy.'

'I know!' I exclaimed. 'But he won't believe me. As for mum…'

I paused.

'Well I don't think she'll believe me either.'

Sirius nudged me.

'Maybe when I get back we can do some investigating.'

I couldn't help hugging him at this.

'That would be great!'

We separated, and then he simply pulled me back and hugged me again.

'I've really missed you,' he said, after we separated for the second time. 'You have to know that.'

I nodded.

'Me too. Each time anything happened I felt so lost because, usually, I'd go straight to you and tell you or laugh about it with you or even… Even in my spare time, we'd always just hang out together. I felt a bit lost without you.'

He smiled at me and I nodded at him.

'Okay then, Mr Black. Tell me about your training. You seem to have made it halfway without any grievous bodily harm.'

He laughed.

'It's been pretty boring, actually. We haven't left base camp yet. It's been mostly physical training up until this point.'

He paused.

'From next week, we're being sent on mini missions.'

'Are they dangerous?' I whispered.

He grinned.

'They could be…'

I hit him.

'Ow!'

'If anything happens to you, Sirius Black! I'll… I'll…'

'You'll what?' he grinned. 'Kill me?'

I laughed.

'I'd bring you back to life just to kill you again, yes,' I nodded, rolling my eyes at him.

And then a bit of meaningful staring ensued, which led to some quite heavy snogging. I probably would have shagged him then and there, but he himself pulled away.

'In two weeks, we'll do this thing properly,' he said firmly, helping me up.

To any other person, the promise of 'only two weeks' would be reassuring.

Judging by how much has happened in the past two weeks, I'd say it'll be a miracle if we still manage to get it together when he finally comes back, in two weeks.

But at least I have the memory of that v lovely snog to get me through them…

Anyway, Sirius had to pry James out of Lily's arms, as they have to get back to their stupid training. Why can't he just stay here?

Hmm, I wonder how Helen Asteria's doing? Might go pay her a visit…

.

10pm- Unsurprisingly, Helen Asteria is going to take the week off. She says Lea is taking over from her for the week. I personally think she needs a bit more than a week, but she is adamant that she'll be right as rain in a week's time and that, if anything, work will be good for her.

Well at least she seems better today, which is the main thing. I have to say, a small part of me wonders what the hell Sirius was doing, snogging me this afternoon, when he could have Helen Asteria.

Hmm…

Okay, am going to work on self-confidence while Sirius is gone for these next two weeks so that, when he comes back, we have no repeats of what happened last time.

.

10.10pm- Hah. Lily says I should forget Sirius' birthday next year. It's a bit hard, though, seeing as it's on Valentine's Day… and I DO want a Valentine present!

Okay, am going to bed now, to wake up at 5 and do some actual study. Was meant to study all day today, but Sirius kind of fucked that up for me…

* * *

**Next chapter-**

'Mary & Lily are v jealous that I have two gay friends.'

AND

'I want you to write an article about your time in Jamaica, from a single girl's perspective. We will call it 'A Single Girl in Jamaica.'

**I don't want to do 'the review speech' again, but I have to say that ****231 of you who have me on alert were super lazy last chapter. **

**x Anya**

**p.s. Please consider sponsoring me for Movember! Link is on my Author's Page.  
**


	35. Chapter 35: September 18 to 23

**September 18 **

**Weight: 10 st 3 (aim to be at least 10 st by Jamaica)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 1000 (saintly)**

**Hours spent replaying Sirius Snog: 8 (v. good)**

**Meetings with Jole: 1 (ugggh)**

**Impure thoughts about Jole: 14 (all involuntary, I assure you)**

**New friends: 2 (excellent!)**

**Money: 180 (Pay day!) + (300 for Jamaica !)**

* * *

**8am- **Agghh! What time is this? Was meant to study! And now have to go to work for Monday morning meeting… fuck!

.

9.30am- Holy shit. Jole is a wanker if ever I saw one. Rather than being understanding of Helen's situation, he went on about how it shows bad team-work and how her behaviour was unacceptable.

He then went on to wink at Kim Enderby, head of the 'Weddings' section, and she winked back.

THEN, he asked me to see him at 9.45am. Am v nervous. If he fires me, will have to move in with mother and…. Gah! Don't want to even think about it!

.

10.45am- Uni café

Okay… that wasn't so bad. He's still a wanker but, damn, he's a fit bugger, and his accent is just so bloody sexy!

'Anna Jones,' he said, as I entered his office. 'Please, sit.'

I sat opposite him, gingerly.

'I'm sure you are aware that your advice column has been quite successful.'

I nodded.

'Yes, thank you.'

'And I understand you are going to Jamaica, next week?'

I nodded, wondering if he was going to sack me for taking a holiday.

'I want you to write an article about your time in Jamaica, from a single girl's perspective. We will call it 'A Single Girl in Jamaica.'

I nodded slowly.

'Right…'

'So tell us all about the bars to visit, the beaches, the clubs, the shopping… and then throw in some of your personal experiences about flirting, relationships, any one night stands you might have…'

I spluttered.

'Excuse me! Write _personal_ stuff?'

'Well your current column is very personal! I don't understand what the problem is,' he said, frowning, but giving me a look that meant I'd be fired if I argued.

Reluctantly, I nodded.

'Okay… sure,' I sighed.

'Excellent,' he said, scribbling on a cheque. 'Here is 300 galleons. That should last you the week and be enough for you to visit the high-end places. Nothing trashy, please.'

He then paused and nodded.

'And here is the card of our photographer in the area. He will take accompanying photographs for your articles.'

I took the card and saw the name 'Johnny Bond.'

'R..right.'

'That's all,' he said, waving to suggest I quickly vacate the office.

So… I don't quite know how this has happened, but I'm now moving onto actual journalism? Hmm… I hope my article isn't shit. Will definitely ask Helen Asteria to edit it for me.

Oh fuck. I thought Jamaica would be fun and relaxing! Now understand why Helen Asteria is a workaholic. It's impossible to escape, working at the DP!

.

1.10pm- Work (again)

Oooh! I made 2 new friends at uni. Not wanting to sit alone, I sat with these two guys who were also sitting in the back row.

'Do you mind if I sit with you two?'

They shrugged and I sat next to them.

'I'm…'

'Anna Jones. We haven't forgotten our induction lecture,' one of them smirked.

I blushed.

'Ted Smith,' he said, holding out a hand.

I shook it.

'Hamlet McGuire,' said the other.

I tried not to laugh.

'Yeah, my mother loved Shakespeare a bit too much. My other brother's called Macbeth, and my sister is called Ophelia. Psychoanalyse _that!_'

I laughed.

'Don't worry, my mother's a bit of a nutcase too…. I don't judge.'

'So we read in your column,' Ted laughed.

'You… you read my column?' I said, surprised.

'Of course!' said Hamlet. 'After that first lecture, we skived off the rest of the lectures to go find a copy of the DP. Little did we know you'd ask to sit with us, a week later.'

I looked down at my books and Ted nudged me.

'We think it's really cool.'

I looked up, surprised.

'You do?'

'Of course!' he said. 'You're- what? 19?'

I nodded.

'19 and already a job with the DP? I call that a dream come true!'

'Also, between you and me, I think Jenkins is jealous of you.'

I sighed.

'Yeah, I don't know what's going on there.'

'Forget him,' Hamlet said airily. 'He's a right wanker. I hear he calls himself 'Healer' Jenkins… psh!'

I couldn't help laughing.

'Oh, we should also be straight up with you from the beginning,' said Ted. 'I'm gay.'

'Me too,' said Hamlet.

'But we're not together.'

Of course they bloody are. Probably the two best-looking guys in the course… ANYWAY, I have Sirius to think of again, now, so am okay with their being gay.

They asked me to come out to lunch with them, but said I had to go back to work. But ahh, psychology course seems SO much more bearable now that I know at least 2 people in it!

I wonder if they can lend me their notes… Hmm.

Oh bloody hell. Lea's turned into a massive AB since temping for Helen Asteria. She wants my responses no later than 3pm…

I guess I'd better get working, then!

.

9pm- Hehehe. Mary & Lily are v jealous that I have two gay friends. They say I must invite them over for a study session asap, so they can befriend them too! Haha… Might actually do that, though, as studying alone has proved to be wildly unsuccessful thus far.

I wonder if I can ask to borrow their notes from the lectures I'll miss while in Jamaica…

* * *

**September 19 **

**Weight: 10 st 2 (good!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 1000 (perfect!)**

**Hours spent replaying Sirius Snog: 1 (excellent)**

**Money: 70 (have given 100 galleons for next week's rent to Lily, now, so that don't spend it)**

**.**

**9am- **Am totally looking forward to uni this morning! Am going to go to the library now, and do a bit of reading up before the lectures…

.

10am- But should have breakfast, as don't want to be hungry during lectures..

.

10.30am- Who knew uni coffee could be amazing! Mmm. Might get a chocolate croissant as well…

.

10.45am- Should I get a LWU jumper? (London Wizarding University). I think is a good investment…

.

10.50am- Oooh, and some lovely parchment too…

.

11.10am- Fuck. The lady at the counter took FOREVER to give me my change, so was late. I see Ted and Hamlet sitting on the other side of the theatre. Will sit with them after this lecture is over. Okay, must concentrate…

.

8pm- Went to the libaray with Ted and Hamet after uni. We are forming a study group… except is horrid, as they babble on about theories and biological facts, while I sit there, trying to figure out which part of the brain is responsible for what.

According to Hamlet, it was all in the pre-reading. He was so nonchalant about it too!

'Surely you read it in chapter 11 of the pre-reading!'

'Yeah!' said Ted, frowning. 'There was a whole chapter on it!'

I think it's safe to say I am highly fucked.

Right. Am going to read ALL the pre-reading by the end of tomorrow… even if it means I get no sleep.

.

8.10pm- This is SO much more boring than I thought it'd be. Why do I need to know all this anyway? Surely psychology should be all about dealing with people! Hmph. Seems like it should be more instinctive than biological…

* * *

**September 20 **

**Weight: 10 st 2 (hmph)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2700 (study is BORING!)**

**Hours spent freaking out about how behind I am: All day**

**Money: 60**

**.**

8am- Right. Fell asleep at the ridiculous hour of 9pm last night. Somehow, study is the best cure for insomnia.

Bloody hell. I can't fail. MUST show Jenkins I can do both by getting an excellent mark in uni. Eughhh. It really isn't as fun as it's cracked up to be. Even Mary is freaking out. She's always reading some law book or an other.

Okay, enough on that. This is the plan- go to work, answer responses as QUICKLY as possible, and GET OUT, so can study.

.

1pm- Crap. Have finished for the day, but Helen has come in and just asked if we could go to lunch.

Right. Have to eat anyway, so will go to lunch, and then leave and study ALL night.

.

10pm- Somehow, lunch turned into a day trip to Paris. Now that I've tried Laduree macaroons and been to Versailles, I want to give up everything, find a French aristocrat, and live in Versailles.

Helen Asteria is doing better, I think. She says living in Paris and working in London was worst, and that she's just bought a place in London, so her life simpler.

I think it must be hard for her to be single, though. She seems to have been in one relationship or another for so long now, that single must be as shocking to her, as being in a relationship is to me.

Anyway. She says she's getting proper and regular therapy now too, which is reassuring as she really does have a horrid propensity to reach for her pill stash (which she shouldn't even have, really) when things don't go according to plan.

**.**

10.10am- Fuck. I wish I had a pill stash… one that would magically insert knowledge into my brain. Gahhhh. Am so behind I don't even know how to catch up.

I think I need a bit more time off work. 1 day off a week isn't enough to study in. Might have to take Wednesdays off work and study in them. Hmm.

* * *

**September 21 (Thursday)**

**Weight: 10 st 3 (eugh. Need to lose weight for Jamaica!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2400 (bad)**

**Hours spent freaking out about how behind I am: 9 (terrible)**

**Uni attended: 0 (terrible)**

**Actual study done: 0**

**Hours spent planning reunion with Sirius: All day**

**Likelihood of failing mid-semester exam: Huge**

**Money: 50**

**.**

**9am- **Right. Have decided I'm going to take the day off uni and stay home and study ALL day. If I can catch up on all the pre-reading and then what we've learned so far in lectures, I think it's more beneficial than attending a lecture I won't understand anyway…

Okay. Am going to have a good breakfast at the café and read the newest Witch Weekly which just arrived, and then get right into it.

PLAN FOR THE DAY:

9-10am- Breakfast

10am- 1pm: Study

1pm- 2pm: Lunch break

2pm- 4pm- Study

4pm- 4.30pm- Go for a walk

4.30pm- 7pm: Study

7pm-8pm: Dinner break

8pm- 11pm: Study

11pm: GO TO BED. DO NOT STAY UP. GO STRAIGHT TO SLEEP

.

I think it's a reasonable and very doable plan. Am excited for it! I love being organised!

.

10.30am- Oh dear… I ran into Aunt Una and Uncle Geoffrey and they sat there chatting to me for half an hour. I didn't know how to leave. Because they're more senior, I always feel they must be the ones to leave first- otherwise I just feel rude!

Okay. Never mind. I can take a mini setback. Just so long as I study properly for the rest of the day..

.

10.45am- Ugh. Coffee has gone straight through me. Or maybe there was something wrong with my eggs? I don't know…. But tummy feels funny. Ugh.

Also, staring at book is making me feel nauseous. I think I'll just lie down for a bit…

.

12 noon- Crap. It's already noon and I've done zero study. Right. Must get a grip. Tummy feels okay now…. Ooh, a letter!

.

12.10pm- Was from Sirius! It wasn't that romantic, really-

_Dear Anna,_

_Just letting you know we'll be finishing training on the 30__th__ September, and coming back on October 1. I know you're taking some time off school and work to go to Jamaica, but James and I think it'd be fun to do a group reunion camping trip the weekend we get back. I know Mary's not really talking to Remus at the moment… but try talking her round. It might just be what they need to get over themselves and get back together._

_Sirius_

_P.S. Don't write back. Technically, I'm not meant to be sending this…_

_._

Huh. 'Don't write back'… that's lovely. Also, he didn't say anything about missing me or anything. Basically, it just sounds like he wants me to organise his group camping trip.

I don't even think I can go. I think I'll have taken enough time off work and uni with Jamaica to last me the next few years!

But hmm… it does sound like a lovely way of seeing him again. Maybe will be like a lovely mini break with lots of lovely shagging and snogging.. Hmmm….

I think I'll go… must get planning.

.

8pm- SHIT! WHAT HAVE I DONE?

I've spent the entire day extensively planning this stupid camping trip and done ZERO study. Now, Mary's crying because she misses Remus, and Lily's getting teary because she misses James and… fuck. I'm starting to tear up about Sirius too.

GAHHH.

.

11pm- I am ridiculous. Right. Here's the plan-

Go to Jamaica, get all this stupidity out of my system, and come back a clever, poised and organised woman.

Good plan.

* * *

**September 22 (Friday)**

**Weight: 10 st 3 (bleh)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: Countless**

**Uni attended: 0 (Shocking)**

**Actual study done: 0**

**Hours spent at work: ALL FREAKING DAY**

**Money: 50**

**6pm- **Ugh. Am still at work. This is horrible. Have to write heaps and heaps of responses to last while I'm away.

.

7pm- Oh crap. I feel horribly… I just received this letter:

_Dear Anna,_

_I don't want to nag, but I wrote you a letter over three weeks ago asking for advice about my friend who is ignoring me. And it seems like you too are just ignoring me._

_Am I not important enough to receive a response? A girl in my year says she got a personal response from you, because you couldn't publish her question. Hers was just sex advice._

_And here I am, with a real problem, and you can't be bothered to even write a few lines back to make me feel as though someone cares._

_Well maybe my therapist is wrong. Maybe nobody cares. I should just go die…. Not that you or anyone else would care._

_Nora_

_._

I feel horrible, scared… and a bit mad all at once. Of course I'm going to write back to this girl and apologise. I hope she doesn't go off herself because she felt like I was her last hope, and never responded…

But, at the same time… isn't it a bit selfish of her to think that I'm going to spend all day every day writing responses to every single person. It's stated very clearly in the 'write to Anna' section that I can't respond to all questions and that if someone is seriously unwell, to seek proper counselling by a qualified therapist…

AND SHE BLOODY HAS A THERAPIST. Hmph. Okay, will just write to her now. Though I feel less sympathetic to her now that she's gone and attacked me.

.

Right. Just responded to her. Told her all the standard stuff. There. That should satisfy her…

Okay. 10 more questions to go… I can do this. I can…

.

8pm- Ughh. Got another letter from that Nora girl, saying how I'm the only one she can talk to yadayada.

It's funny how sickly sweet she is to me. I feel sorry for her, because she probably doesn't have many friends… but I'm not her friend, at the same time. She sent me this essay of a letter telling me all about herself- basically, her life story.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to that? Do I have to reply?

.

8.10pm- Okay… wow. Just got _another_ letter from her. Okay, I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I've got 5 questions left to respond to, and I'm going on holiday tomorrow. If she wants a friend, she should find one the normal way.

.

9.10pm- One more letter to go! Lea has given up and told me that she'll edit it tomorrow. Gah. Okay, hurry…

.

10pm- Am v alarmed by this Nora girl. Nearly didn't open her letter, but it didn't seem too thick so I went ahead and did…

Am going to ask the girls. I don't think this is normal-

_Dear Anna,_

_I've sent you three letters now, and haven't had a response from you. Don't you care about me? Why won't you respond to me? _

_Love, Nora_

_._

A part of me just wants to send her a letter saying 'No, I don't fucking care. Stop harassing me.'… but I'm not sure she'd react well to that and, however annoying she's being, I don't want anyone offing themselves because of me.

.

10.30pm- Lily thinks I should take it to the Auror Dept, but I think that's too extreme. So this is what I've written. Hopefully, after the 2 weeks away, she'll have forgotten about me anyway-

_Dear Nora,_

_I'm sorry you got that impression. I'm not ignoring you- I'm just extremely busy. Please bear in mind that it is not my role to act as a personal counsellor or friend. I merely respond to questions in a newspaper. Technically, I shouldn't even be responding to you now._

_You sound very upset, I suggest you see your therapist tomorrow and really get to the root of what's upsetting you._

_I myself am going to be away in Jamaica for the next two weeks, so if you happen to send me any letters while I'm away, know I'm not ignoring you on purpose. I'm just away._

_Nonetheless, I wish to stress that I am not a trained counsellor nor am I your friend. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's the truth of the matter. I don't know you personally. You sound lonely, though, and I think it would be great for you to make some new friends. Remember the tips I gave you in my first response, and discuss it further with your therapist._

_Good luck!_

_Anna_

_._

I threw that 'good luck' in there to hopefully end her letters to me. I don't know why, but I feel really unsettled about this girl. I've had plenty of letters about girls feeling lonely- and they've written in again, too… but they never seemed psychotic or demanding…

.

10.40pm- Oh fuck. I've got another letter from her-

_Dear Anna,_

_Jamaica sounds wonderful! Where in Jamaica will you be staying? It sounds so exotic._

_I hope you have a great time and I can't wait to hear all about it when you get back!_

_Love, Nora_

_._

DID SHE NOT FUCKING READ WHAT I JUST WROTE? I EXPLICITLY TOLD HER I WASN'T HER FRIEND… AND YET SHE'S EXPECTING ME TO WRITE BACK TO HER WHEN I RETURN?

I know I should feel sorry for her… Right. I have to pack. Am not going to let this ruin my trip. Will just chuck away her letter because I don't have to reply to it.

.

11pm- Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me…

_Dear Anna,_

_You never replied and told me whereabouts in Jamaica you're staying?_

_Love, Nora._

_._

I don't need to respond. Must keep calm. Lily has upped the security on our apartment.

I hope she doesn't turn into an actual stalker… But I KNEW there was something weird about her…

.

1am- Okay. No further letters, am packed… ooh! One sleep and then I'm in Jamaica baby!

.

1.30am- Hmph. Wish Sirius could be there with me…

* * *

**September 23 **

**Only important figure- **

**Drinks: 40**

Am very drunkesh. Ish hot an Mary and I drinking rum hehe.

* * *

**Next chapter is going to be VERY action packed!** **I'm aware this one was a bit more of a filler, but it was all important in laying the groundwork for next chapter!**

'Anna,' Mary gasped, tugging at my sleeve. 'Isn't that Mark Darcie?'

AND

'I always used to think that having a stalker would be kind of glamorous. Now that I'm sitting in this filthy jail cell, I can tell you that it's anything but glamorous. Fuck. I think I miss my mum.'

**Now, 2 things**

**1/ I don't any of you wondering if you're inspiration ****for Nora's character. If someone takes messaging me too far, I let them know! (And none of you on here have!)**

AND

**2/ November is nearly over! I'm almost 100% certain I won't finish this story by Thursday- so I'm sorry if I've disappointed any of you in that respect. It was a very ambitious challenge and I definitely didn't take into account just how busy November is. Nonetheless, a huge thank you to the few of you who did donate and... if you can, but haven't gotten round to it yet, you can still donate! The link is on my profile :)**

**Lastly, thanks to those who reviewed last chapter, and please continue the good work from now on!**

**Lots of love,**

**Anya**


	36. Chapter 36: September 26 to October 10

**September 26**

**No scales**

**Drinks: 15 (better)**

**Hangover: Gone (have developed tolerance)**

**Snogs: 0**

**Shags: 0**

**Annoyance with Mary: Massive.**

**.**

11am- It's safe to say I've done nothing for the past two days except drink massive amounts of rum, and develop a horrific case of sunburn. You see, yesterday we went to the beach and I passed out at some point. Mary, who was busy gallivanting about with Jamie's team members, was too drunk to wake me up and bring me out of the sun, and so I am now as red as a lobster.

It's horribly painful. I wish I paid attention to class when they taught us about 'Sunburn Relief Charms'.

I'm meeting my photographer, Johnny Bond, in half an hour. I hope he's got some tips for me about Jamaica because, at the moment all I know is that Jamie has some really fit men on his quidditch team who I'm not allowed to shag because-

I'm 'with' Sirius

As Jamie's sister, I'm a 'no go zone' anyway.

Mary, the bitch, however, has no such restrictions and seems to have been getting very dirty with Jamie's team-mates. She snogged about four different ones last night, and I'm pretty sure she ended up shagging one of them. I wouldn't know- I'd passed out in the hot tub well before then. I'm actually about worried about her, to be honest. I get the need to 'let go' after coming out of a relationship, but I don't want something to happen to her that she regrets. I'm going to have a chat with her later, I think.

Okay, am going to try making self semi-respectable for Johnny.. Hmmm.

.

1pm- Johnny is one of the sleaziest men I've ever met. On an unrelated (but sort of related) note, he also has the strongest cockney accent I've ever heard…

Anyway. He said that he'll pick me up tonight and we'll go for dinner at some fancy Jamaican restaurant, and then he'll take me to a few of the hottest clubs.

Hmph. What to do till then? Might raid the mini bar again…

.

1.20pm- Jamie just had a talk with me, saying that he doesn't like the idea of my going off with some strange and sleazy photographer. Who knew… he does care!

Anyway. He has training now so am left by myself in this apartment. Mary's sleeping off her hangover at the moment so can't even lecture her now.

.

1.30pm- Does Jamie have a girlfriend? Never heard him talking about one before…

.

1.45pm- I've tried fishing round for evidence of Jamie having girlfriend, but there's nothing there. Hmm. This is interesting… except I haven't really seen Jamie hitting on any girls when we go out either. Hmm.

Maybe he's doing that because he doesn't want to encourage bad behaviour in me?

Hmph. I'm bored. Might go take a walk down to reception… and ask the concierge if he can recommend something for me to do while I wait for dinner.

.

5pm- I have made a friend! She's actually an English girl. I met her in the bar.

Her name's Nadia.

The concierge was busy when I went down, so I ended up just going to the bar and ordered a rum & cola. Just as I was feeling miserable and lonely, Nadia came up to me-

'Anna Jones?' she said hesitantly.

I looked up dully, thinking I was going to be arrested for something (one never knows).

'Sorry,' she laughed, taking a seat next to me. 'You don't know me, but I just recognised you from your column. You're _the _Anna Jones, aren't you? The one who writes that advice column?'

I nodded, stunned that I possibly had a fanbase that reached even Jamaica!

'Yes…'

'Wow!' she said, staring at me. 'I can't believe I'm actually meeting you!'

'I'm not that famous or amazing or anything…' I replied, embarrassed.

She shook her head vehemently.

'But I love your column!' she exclaimed. 'It's helped me so much!'

I was taken aback.

'Oh sorry… did you write in?'

She shook her head.

'No… but I just read all your responses and you just seem so genuine and friendly… I can't help reading it and wishing I had a friend like you!'

It's hard to know what to say when one is lavished with so much praise.

'Oh.. um… thanks?' I shrugged.

Anyway, then she bought me another cocktail (she insisted!) and proceeded to ask me all about myself. I must say, it made a refreshing change from Mary, who has totally ignored me this trip. Hmph.

.

6pm- Okay. Mary has had a few hangover tonics and is now repentant for her sins (hah only joking). In all seriousness, though, she has seen that her behaviour thus far has been very anti-social (towards me) and she is going to come out with me tonight and has sworn that she won't get with any boys, men, or person with a penis of any kind. AND, she is going to limit herself to 4 drinks. V. good.

.

6.30pm- Oookay! Johnny's downstairs. Damn, I kind of wish I was single. Going out when 'taken' seems kind of pointless now. I've been conditioned to think that going out is solely for man-hunting. Now am going to have to divert attentions to something else….

But what?

Eating? Drinking?

No wonder people get fat when they settle down. Hmm.

.

**September 27**

**No scales**

**Drinks: 10 (okay)**

**Hangover: Gone (have developed tolerance)**

**Snogs: 1 (terrible!)**

**Annoyance with self: Huge.**

**Temptation to join a religious sect that self-flagellates as a means of catharsis from sins: Slight**

**Reluctance to ever actually experience a whip: Quite immense**

**Guilt: Unbearable.**

**.**

10pm- Fuuuuck. Okay. So I'll start with last night as a means of distracting self from horrendous behaviour of today…

Johnny came and picked Mary and I up. We ended up going to some weird fusion restaurant that seemed to incorporate bananas in every meal. That was okay, and I can definitely write about that restaurant in the article.

During dinner, Mary and I just sat and listened to Johnny yapping on and on about himself- and then, finally, Jamaica. I think I've got a few things for my column… maybe?

Merlin, I have know idea how to write an article! This is useless! All I've done is drink and eat- and then vomit it all out so I can repeat the process again. It's been very gluttonous and am v ashamed of myself.

Anyway, Johnny then took us out to a bar called Sin (hah) that's supposed to be really trendy. I feel it was_ too_ trendy, if that's possible. It was filled with all these chic people dressed in designer gear so I felt very out of place in my summer dress, drenched in sweat.

Also, it was so fancy that there was no dancing or flirting. Well, none directed at me anyway…

AFTER Sin, however, we went to this underground bar (it was literally under the ground) called Six Feet Under. What I remember was fun. It was really packed out and the music was loud, drinks were cheap and…. there was a ton of spliff. According to Mary, I became really paranoid and started vomiting everywhere. Johnny calls it 'greening out.' Hmm, not sure I can write about greening out in my article, though. Am meant to be an example for girls out there (Circe help them… I'M an example? The idea is laughable).

But, going from my advice column where I tell girls out there not to do drugs… and then writing about greening out seems quite hypocritical. Even _if_ it's listed as a 'thing to do' in Jamaica.

Hmph.

We woke up today on Johnny's couch. I had about thirty letters at my feet from Jamie, demanding I tell him my whereabouts. When he picked us up, he was furious-

'Don't you know this country has one of the highest murder rates in the world?' he shouted at us, when we were back at the apartment.

'Shuddup,' Mary groaned, trying to summon a hangover tonic.

'Where were you last night?' Jamie demanded.

Mary and I giggled.

'Six Feet Under,' I said.

'What?'

'It's a club- it's called Six Feet Under.'

He smacked his forehead.

'Anna!' he groaned. 'There was a stabbing there only last week!'

'It was fun,' I shrugged.

'Did you do any drugs?'

'She was high as a kite,' Mary nodded.

I glared at Mary.

'Anna!' Jamie snapped. 'You can't do drugs here. You need to be alert. You're a tourist here. Shit, I knew it was a bad idea to invite you here…'

'Hey!' I retorted. 'I'm fine! We're both fine. We had fun, and Johnny wasn't bad. He looked after us well enough.'

Jamie sighed.

'Look, just be careful. I want you to have fun, but you have to be alert. You can't get drunk or high and you shouldn't accept any drinks anyone buys you. Hell, you shouldn't trust an opened bottle from a bartender!'

Mary and I rolled our eyes and Jamie, probably realising his preaching was falling on deaf ears, gave up and took us out to brunch.

I was so ravenous that I ordered a full English breakfast plus extra hash browns and sausages. As I was wolfing this down, Mary tugged at my sleeve.

'Anna!' she said excitedly. 'Isn't that Mark Darcie?'

Mouth full, and tomato sauce all over my chin, I turned around to see Mark Darcie, looking very fine in his casual gear, walking over to us.

I hurriedly tried to wipe my face. Unfortunately, I hadn't chewed my food properly and so I started choking.

'Hello,' he said casually. 'I didn't know you'd be here!'

I was trying to gasp for air at this point. Noticing I was on the verge of asphyxiation, he stood me up and Heimlich manouvered me, ausing me to splatter a mass of food all over the breakfast table.

'Eww!' Mary cried, sitting back.

'Eughhh,' I groaned, feeling mortified. 'Sorry… and thanks,' I added to Mark.

He motioned for a waiter to come clean up the table and sat in the spare chair.

'Sorry, we haven't met. I'm Mark Darcie,' he said to Jamie.

'Jamie Jones,' Jamie said, shaking Mark's hand. ' Anna's older brother.'

'Pleased to meet you,' he said politely. 'I live in the next apartment to the girls, back in London. Is Lily here?' he said, looking around.

'No,' Mary replied. 'She couldn't get time off.'

'So you're visiting your brother, then?'

I nodded.

'Yes, chiefly… but I'm also writing an article on Jamaica from a single girl's perspective for the DP while I'm here.'

Mark raised his eyebrows.

'Oh? How's it coming along?'

'Shit,' I groaned, sipping some orange juice. 'Basically, Jamaica's been a hazy rum-fuelled memory for me so far. I've got nothing worth writing about.'

Mark frowned.

'Oh dear… well perhaps we could see a bit of it together? I'll moderate your rum intake, if that helps.'

I grinned, and tried to ignore Mary as she wiggled eyebrows at me suggestively.

'That sounds wonderful.'

'Wonderful!' mimicked Mary, clapping her hands. 'When are we going?'

I glowered at her, as Mark and Jamie exchanged a glance.

'Why… as soon as you're done with breakfast!' said Mark.

'I'm done! Anna?'

I looked distastefully at my egg and sausages.

'Yep… done.'

'Hang on a sec,' Jamie said, becoming all AB again. 'Where are you going, and when will you be back?'

Mark tapped his nose.

'Don't worry- I don't know Jamaica well enough to take her anywhere dodgy, and I'll have her home early. Both girls, I mean,' he added.

He took us to a shopping centre- clever, it never occurred to me to go shopping!- and to a flea market where Mary and I got Rastafarian beanies- and one for Lily- to promote 'chillaxing' when we return to the urban and uptempo lifestyle back in London.

The person- Jed- who sold us the beanies told us to come back tomorrow at 9pm, because that's when his group going to have a little gathering with food and 'a little something else'. He was an excessively good looking ex-pat Brit and said it would be great for my article.

We then went to get lunch and then we went to a 'touristy' beach where they had sunbeds and a bar. Sipping mojitos on the beach was lovely.

Unfortunately, their mojitos here are quite strong and, by the time Mark suggested we go back to the hotel, I was really tipsy.

I can't remember why, but Mary sensibly didn't go to Mark's room but went back to Jamie's apartment. I, stupidly, went to Mark's room where he proceeded to be very clever by pointing out star constellations and explaining them to me, which somehow lead to a snog… which I'm ashamed to admit I really enjoyed.

It was only when I opened my eyes and saw the stars again that I remembered Sirius and quickly pushed Mark away.

'What's wrong?' he said, looking confused. 'I thought you and I…'

I shook my head, the guilt setting in thick and fast.

'I like you Mark- I think you're great, I do. But I can't be with you. Do you remember that boyfriend-but-not I had? We decided we'd try again and he gets back from his training in October and I really don't want to fuck it up before we've even started.'

Mark frowned.

'But you accepted my dinner invitation only the other day…'

I blushed, feeling really horrible.

'I know, but then you left and then he came back and we talked things through and…'

I sighed, feeling like a royal prat.

'I'm so sorry. I've probably been leading you on here, and I didn't mean to do that.'

Mark said nothing. To be honest, he looked pretty pissed off. I don't really blame him at all. I think I'd be pissed off if someone did that to me too.

So I excused myself and have been replaying that darned snog ever since.

Surely it's not that big an offence? I mean… a momentary lapse isn't a huge crime, is it?

.

**September 29**

**Weight: 8st (imaginary weight)**

**Height: 5 ft 9 (excellent, but also imaginary)**

**Imprisonments: 1**

**Stalkers: 0 (even my stalker has deserted me)**

**Cell mate friends: 10 (v good)**

**Life, career, friends, family: All gone.**

.

7pm- Oh holy fuck. I've gone and really done it this time. Remember that guy who sold me those hats? Turns out he wasn't a lovely, friendly guide, but a drug dealer.

Mary said she had a headache and hence decided to stay in her room. As I was leaving the hotel, that girl I met the other day- Nadia (AKA NORA MY STALKER) came up to me.

'Hi Anna,' she said. 'Are you going out?'

I nodded.

'Yes. You?'

She shrugged.

'I'd like to… but I don't really have anything planned for tonight.'

WHY AM I SO TRUSTING?

'Come with me,' I said. 'I'm going to a Rastafarian gathering. Should be fun.'

She hesitated.

'Will there be drugs?'

I shrugged.

'Probably… but I don't expect they'll have anything heavy. Probably just a little weed. I mean, this _is _Jamaica after all!'

She looked at me shrewdly.

'Are you sure that sets a good example to your readers?'

I laughed.

'Probably not… but how are they to know? I won't write about it.'

We started walking.

'So you don't follow the advice you give?'

I snorted.

'I wish I did! I'm a total mess!'

'Hmm,' she said, looking more and more unimpressed.

'That doesn't mean I don't know what the right thing to do would be- it's just I often am too lazy or weak-willed to follow that option,' I said, trying to save some face.

She pursed her lips.

'But don't you feel like a bit of a fraud? I mean, your readers are looking to you as an example of how to be in their lives. Won't they be disappointed when they discover you're not even making an effort to follow your own advice?'

I had no idea what I was supposed to say to Nadia- I mean, Nora- at this point, so I was naturally excessively thankful to see Jed waving at us.

'Hi,' I said. 'This is Nadia.'

'Hey,' he said, flashing us his brilliantly white teeth. 'Listen, I can't make the meeting so could you bring my offering for me? I'll give you the address, though, so just give it to the taxi driver and he or she will take you straight there.

He gave me the backpack and I took it, and then a piece of paper with an address written on it.

'Okay,' I chirped. 'Should we have brought anything as an offering?'

He shook his head.

'No, it's okay. You're newcomers.

He then looked around him.

'Okay, I have to get going. Please don't lose the bag, though. It's valuable.'

I nodded and went to the street to hail a taxi.

'Are you sure you should be taking that bag? How do you know what's in it? Do you even _know _that 'Jed' guy?' Nadia/Nora snapped. (Even a stalker has more common sense and logic than me).

We were walking down some steps at this point, and she tripped. Her passport fell out.

'No!' she shouted, blushing furiously as I picked up her passport.

'What's wrong?' I said suspiciously.

I looked down at her papers and gasped in shock when I saw her name was 'Nora Smith'.

'Nora…' I said faintly.

And then it hit me.

'You're _Nora_? As in the one who writes incessantly?'

She merely looked at me, and I recoiled, horrified.

'Did you _follow_ me to Jamaica?'

She shook her head desperately.

'You don't understand,' she said. 'I needed to see you!'

'Get away from me!' I shouted. 'You can't do this to people! It's not normal!'

'But I thought you understood?' she said. 'I thought you were my friend!'

I stood there, feeling as though my worst nightmare was coming true. How was I to know that was still coming?

A pair of police officers were walking past with their dog. Suddenly, the dog started barking at Jed's bag, trying to get at it.

I stood around, confused as to what was going on. The police officers pulled out these metal contraptions called 'guns' on me, and threatened to 'shoot' them at me if I didn't put my hands up.

Nora, in a split second, had apparated away. I stupidly remained put.

They took Jed's bag off me and pulled out a massive bag of powder which is apparently this muggle drug called cocaine.

Before I knew what was happening, they had hand-cuffed me and locked me up in a muggle prison cell. They said I could make one phone call, but no one I know owns a telephone and muggles don't use owls.

Thankfully, Jamie's hotel was part muggle/part wizarding so I managed to call him. He was furious with me, to put it mildly.

Then, he got the British Ambassador to come see me, and he told me that, by wizarding law, I had to be tried by the muggle law for breaching their laws in their parts. He seemed like he really didn't believe my story about Jed or Nora, either, and apparently there's no trace of a Nora- nor a Nadia- at our hotel.

When I asked him how long I'd be stuck here… he said that ten-to-fifteen years would be the best-case scenario… and death sentence would be the worst if they can't probe my story about Jed.

There's no way this is happening to me. Jamie said he'd call dad onto it right away. He said Mary's gone right back to England. Don't blame her. Jamaica's not so fun anymore.

Oh Merlin, I can't die in here. I can't…

.

**September 30**

**Weight: 7st 8 (excellent! – but imaginary weight)**

**Height: 6 ft (excellent, but also imaginary)**

**Imprisonments: 1 (bad)**

**Cell mate friends: 10 (v good)**

**Sirius: Hates me**

**Cigarettes: 3**

**.**

1pm- Just saw dad and started bawling my eyes out. He said that he's got his top lawyer friends onto it and that there's no way they'll keep me in here. He also said that wizarding law should really class me as innocent should I pass a veritaserum test.

Feeling much better about all this knowing that dad's on the case. They need to hurry the hell up. They don't even have a proper toilet in these cells.

.

4pm- I think I've stopped crying…

Just saw Sirius. That's right- Sirius. He's here. He was taught to administer Veritaserum tests on me.

At first he was very cold and distant. I had no idea why. Then, after the Veritaserum, he recounted everything he'd asked me and I couldn't help cringing-

'So you can confirm that you spent the evening with a Mr Mark Darcie, the night prior to your arrest?'

I felt the blood draining from my face.

'Sirius, it's not what it sounds like…'

'I don't need to hear details of your snogging him again,' he said coldly. 'Can you confirm that is in fact where you spent the most part of your evening?'

I looked down, totally ashamed.

'He kissed me, not…'

'It's a simple yes or no question, Miss Jones.'

I nodded, trying to wipe away my tears.

'And that you willingly met this 'Jed' character, the next day?'

I nodded again, trying not to burst out into tears in front of Sirius.

'But you did not know the contents of the bag he handed to you?'

I shook my head.

He looked up to his superior, who nodded.

'Very well, you will be notified of your test results soon.'

I stood up quickly.

'How soon?'

'The ministry is very busy,' his superior said. 'We'll analyse your test results as soon as we can.'

I nodded.

'Thanks… Sirius.'

'This is my job,' he said curtly, nodding and leaving the room quickly, followed by his superior.

As soon as I returned to my cell, I burst out into tears. The other girls were very supportive- except I felt a bit bad for dissing Sirius as being horrible and cold, after they gave me some tales of their boyfriends hitting them, or using them as drug mules, and prostituting them out…

I think I'm going to take up smoking- temporarily. It's the only thing that calms me down in here…

.

**October 10**

**Weight: 7st 5 (excellent! – but imaginary weight)**

**Height: 6 ft 4 (excellent, could be a model- but, again, imaginary)**

**Status: Free!**

**Sirius: Still hates me**

**Cigarettes: 2 (good)**

.

10pm- I AM FREE!

It is so good to be back home- to sleep in my own bed, a proper toilet, and have a bath in my lovely, clean bath-tub!

AGHHH life is much better!

Also, turns out I actually have lost a bit of weight. Lily and Mary say I have become v thin from stint in prison.

As soon as I arrived, they ambushed me with a bottle of wine, and box of Honeyduke's finest.

'I went straight to the Auror department and notified them. Sirius and James had returned from training and Sirius was really good about it. He worked some magic on his superior and got them to question you right away. Without Sirius, they would've taken another _month_ before they bothered to Veritaserum you.

I felt numb.

'But why was he so cold to me?'

Lily shifted uncomfortably.

'I think he found out about your alibi of Mark Darcie for the night before,' she said tentatively.

I hit my head.

'But he only kissed me for a second! It's not like I kissed him!'

Lily nodded.

'I know, I know… but you can also see it from his point of view which is that you shouldn't have been in such a situation to begin with.'

I looked down at the table, feeling very miserable about my freedom, all of a sudden.

'What do I do?' I mumbled.

The looked apologetically at me and I realised there was nothing I could do. There's no greater truth than Veritaserum…

I'm going to bed. I've been asked to come into the Daily Prophet offices tomorrow. At least I still have my job to take my mind off everything else.

* * *

**I'm so sorry for your super long wait! I was meant to update before Christmas, but I went away and discovered that it's really difficult to type when you're squashed up in the back seat of a small car with your two (cranky) siblings! You can read more about my travels on my blog if you're feeling Nora-ish/curious!**

**I feel I should also state that I'm starting my hospital placement again next week, and this year is going to be very heavy on the study front… so please be patient with me!**

**Next chapter-**

'I'm really worried about dad. I just caught Shirley whispering something to Julio. They both looked tense. You'd think Julio would be the last person she'd speak to when her husband's in hospital. Fuck. I wish I could speak to Sirius about this. It's no longer a joke any more… I think Shirley's trying to kill my dad and, somehow, Julio is involved.'

**Tomorrow's my birthday… so think of your review as a little birthday present to me **

**Lots of love- and a Happy New Year for 2012!**

**Anya**


	37. Chapter 37: October 11 to 28

**October 11**

**Weight: 10 st (only positive aspect of today)**

**Height: 5ft 5 (first negative of the day)**

**Alcohol units: About 20**

**Calories: Too drunk to count**

**Jobs: 0**

**Uni: 0**

**Boyfriends: 0**

**Money: 10 galleons (but now 2 as spent 8 galleons on wine to console self)**

**Rent: Overdue**

**.**

9am- Ah, is so nice to be back at the DP. It's comforting to know that, despite absolutely everything else in my life fucking up, I still have a job.

Also, I desperately need it because I owe on the rent for this month. Eek!

.

12 noon- Scrap that. I don't even have a job to bring me happiness.

.

2pm- Or a uni course to study. Here is the letter I just received-

_Miss Jones,_

_It is with regret that we inform you that your enrolment at our School of Psychology has been discontinued. Your recent criminal record, coupled with your failure to attend tutorials, and your failure to hand in formative assessments has lead to this unfortunate decision._

_Kind Regards,_

_Healer Robert Jenkins _

.

The fuckwit. Fuuuuck.

.

2.10pm- Nothing else to do but drink and eat. Am a complete failure. Is it weird that I was happier in prison? I miss my prison friends…

.

4pm- I can't believe it, but I miss Melrose. Sure it was wrong, and sure he was a wanker… but it was also incredibly simple. I miss that. He also gave good advice- excepting the 'shag me, even though I'm your teacher' part.

Also, I miss sex, and I miss having someone who wants me. I just feel so worthless now- no job, no money, no uni…

Aii.

.

11pm- Bleh. Drunk. Lily suggested I move back home. Can't believe life is so fucking shit. Ugggggh.

* * *

**October 12**

**Weight: 10 st 1 (Noooo!)**

**Height: 5ft 5**

**Alcohol units: 0 (excellent)**

**Calories: 1500 (all healthy food- v. good)**

**Jobs: 0**

**Job applications: 5**

**Successful applications: 0**

**Uni: 0**

**Boyfriends: 0**

**Outlook: Positive**

**Money: 1 galleon**

**Rent: Still overdue**

.

9am- Right. It's safe to say yesterday was one of the worst days I've ever had. I simply had no luck whatsoever.

The thing about those days, though, is that once you've sunk so low, all you can do is go up. Right?

Well that is what I plan to do anyway.

I'm going to start by recounting the DP meeting, because I think it'll be cathartic-

After waiting outside Jole's office for about 10 minutes, he finally called me in. He didn't look happy.

'Miss Jones,' he said sternly. 'When we paid you 300 galleons for expenses, they were not to cover drugs.'

I tried protesting that they weren't mine, but he interrupted me-

'Guilty or not, you put yourself in such a situation which, in a job as public as yours, is unforgivable. Your main work here has been giving advice to a target audience mainly consisting of young girls. Surely you can see that it reflects very poorly on our newspaper if you are giving advice when, in your personal life, you are getting involved with drug scandals!'

I hung my head in shame. What could I say? I half agreed with him.

He cleared his throat.

'It is thus that I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go.'

I nodded, feeling tears welling up.

He paused and looked at me, raising an eyebrow.

'If you wanted to _convince_ me, I could find a way for you to keep a clerical job here…'

I simply stood up and left the room. I didn't care at that point that I was in a horrible financial situation. I don't think I could ever live with myself if I shagged my boss for a job. It's basically prostitution and I don't think I've sunk to that level… yet. Not that I think prostitutes are bad people or anything. I'm sure there are pros and cons to being a prostitute and that, being the oldest profession in the world, it can't be all bad.

That being said, I can't imagine myself having what it takes to be a prostitute…

Anyway, on my way out, I met Helen Asteria in the elevator. She was furious that I'd been fired, even though I tried explaining that I could see Jole's point. She then said that she herself was about to give in her notice anyway, because she's going to go work for The Quibbler.

I've never read The Quibbler, mainly because everyone knows it's a load of crap…. So I'm not sure why she- someone of some journalistic integrity- would want to lower herself to that magazine. Maybe she wants a break from the high stakes of the DP? The point is… she at least has a job. I don't.

Last night, I think I got irrationally upset at Lily for suggesting I move back home. I now she didn't mean it to sound like she was kicking me out, but it still hurt. I think it was because I knew she was saying my life was in the shits. It's one thing for me to feel it's all gone horribly wrong… but to hear it from someone else really stings. She said something about my needing to 'return to my roots' and live a 'calm life' for a while.

But I don't have a 'home' anymore. Where is my home? Shirley and Dad's pristine dungeon, or mum's foreign new palace?

Home feels like Hogwarts. I know I should have grown out of it by now, but I can't help it. At Hogwarts, I was always supported- helped, when I asked for it- whether by friends, teachers or even the ghosts.

Now everyone is busy looking out for themselves in this big new world. I don't blame them, but I can't help feeling left behind.

I'm tired again. I think I'll just go to bed for a bit longer…

.

12 noon- I'm going for a walk. I've got my resume with me, so might hand it in at several cafes etc.

.

12 midnight- Just got back. Thank Merlin Lily and Mary are asleep, because I don't think I could face them…

Will go to bed now, and sort out my life tomorrow. I can't believe I only have one galleon to my name. Technically, I don't even have that, because am owing on rent.

Aghhhh.

Am going to search for some wine.

.

12.30am- No fucking wine. Am going to listen to sad music and try sleeping.

* * *

**October 13**

**Weight: 10 st (positive of stress and lack of money- no chance of eating)**

**Height: 5ft 5**

**Alcohol units: 2 **

**Calories: 500 (great)**

**Jobs interviews: 1**

**Uni: 0**

**Money: 1 galleon (good that haven't spent it)**

**Rent: Still overdue**

.

1pm- Fuck. Just woke up now. I can't believe that I, once upon a time, was dishing advice out to the witches and wizards of England. I'm a bloody mess.

My head feels bloated from sleeping too much. Also, have decided money situation is horrible and unfair to Lily and Mary. Am going to write to dad and see if he can help me out… and then go out and hand resume to more cafes.

.

1.10pm- Glass of water helped. I think I was dehydrated a bit. Hmm.

.

5pm- Agh. In an act of desperation, I handed my resume at Coins café, downstairs. Yes, the café where Rob, my 'shag buddy' works. To make matters worse, it's the only place that has asked me back for an interview.

There's nothing for it, though. I can't continue without a job.

Dad replied to my letter and said he can't see me until Friday, which is a while away. I _would_ ask mum… but I don't want to ask for yet another hand out. Also, don't want to face her and tell her I've been kicked out of uni. I don't think I can deal with her disappointment just yet.

.

5.10pm- I can't stop thinking about Sirius. It's really terrible, because I know I was the wrong one. I want to go to him and apologise and try explaining somehow. I want to make him understand I truly don't care two knuts for Mark Darcie, but I know he won't listen. I can't forget the way he looked at me when I came out of the Veritaserm spell… that look of betrayal. I think he may have expected to be disappointed by me in many different ways, but I don't think he ever expected betrayal.

I'm so ashamed.

And I miss him. SO badly. It hurts. There is nothing I wouldn't give to have him as a friend again- forget boyfriend. He was the best to me- he always gave me practical advice without ever making me feel like a fool or self-conscious, as Mary and Lily seem to (without meaning to).

Above all, he genuinely cared about me and, I think, loved me. I think he loved me in the right way, which is so rare to find in anyone these days.

I just miss him. I hope he's okay…

.

5.30pm- Well it seems Mary and Remus have sorted out their differences. As I was writing the previous entry, I heard a crash and ran out of the room quickly to see if it was a burglar. Instead of a burglar (which would have been a much prettier sight), I was blasted with the image of Mary pulling off Remus' pants as they frantically proceeded to shag on our living room floor.

Have put a silencing charm on my door. I don't need to hear that…

.

8pm- Okay, am really depressed now. Remus, James, Lily and Mary have all gone out. I suspect they're also meeting Sirius and Peter as well. They asked if I wanted to come out with them, but I made some excuse about needing to prepare for my job interview tomorrow. To be quite honest, James seemed relieved I wasn't going.

.

8.10pm- Right. Am going to do what I said- am going to prepare self for interview tomorrow…

.

9pm- Sirius really ought to get over it. It was a little, stupid, meaningless kiss.

.

9.30pm- Am fed up. I would beautify self, but working in a café is far from glamorous and, hence, any beautifying treatments would be rendered useless after a day's work. Am simply going to go to bed, and hope for the best.

* * *

**October 14**

**Weight: 10 st  
**

**Height: 5ft 5**

**Alcohol units: 1 (congratulatory)**

**Calories: 1000**

**Jobs: 1 (hurrah!)**

**Money: 1 galleon (good that haven't spent it)**

**Rent: Will be paid soon now that I have a job!**

.

10am- Thank Circe! I _finally_ have a job- albeit a poorly paid one- but it's better than nothing. I'll probably have to pick up another job at some point… but, for now, it'll do.

The boss at Coins seems very lax. He looked at me, asked if I know how to waitress (how hard can it be?), and whether I could be a café all-rounder. I said yes, exaggerated the skills I'd accrued at Florean's a bit, and he shrugged and said he'd give me five days a week for now. I'll be paid a grand total of 40 galleons per week. That's just enough to cover rent for the month, and gives me about 70 for food and other expenses for the entire month, which is not very much at all.

To make matters worse, am working from 6am-3pm every day. That means I have to be up at 5.30am! Yuk!

Beggars can't be choosers, however, and I must take what is given to me. Seeing as no one else would hire me, and that it is literally downstairs from my flat, it probably could be much worse.

I just hope Rob doesn't try shagging me on the job. That might be awkward…

Anyway. I start tomorrow. I'm not sure whether I'm terrified or excited.

* * *

**Oct 18**

**Weight: 10 st 3 (bleh. Must stop binge-eating post-work. Must also stop bringing food home from work, even though is an excellent means of cutting-costs)**

**Height: 5ft 5**

**Alcohol units: 0 (good)**

**Calories: 1000**

**Rent: Half-paid**

**Galleons: 0**

.

5pm- Agh. Haven't written in so long because I've been so bloody tired. I will _never, ever_ abuse a waitress ever again. If I thought working at Florean's was bad, I had no idea what hard work was all about!

_Coins_ is ridiculously busy, and horribly understaffed. To make matters worse, I'm not exactly what one would call 'experienced' in the ways of waitressing, and so I keep making stupid mistakes, only delaying orders further, and frustrating everyone.

Also, my feet are absolutely knackered after each shift. There's no sitting down at all, and I never have an idle moment when I'm working there. If the boss sees me catching my breath for just a second, he orders me to start cleaning the display or folding napkins or wiping tables etc.

But, again, it's going to pay my rent so I can't complain. Also, I'm allowed to take some food home at the end of my shift, so that means I no longer really have to buy food. To be honest, though, eating the food I've been serving all day is the last thing I feel like at the end of my shift.

Still no word from Sirius. Hmph

Mary and Remus, on the other hand, are doing well. Apparently they bumped into each other at the Wizarding University… and Remus shyly asked Mary if they wanted to go catch up. They went for coffee and the both of them broke down and confessed that they really missed each other (I suspect Mary failed to mention her whorish behaviour in Jamaica). This lead to their rekindling their relationship on our living room floor, as I mentioned in a previous entry.

I actually can't imagine being in a relationship at the moment. I'm so bloody exhausted after each shift that all I want to do is collapse on my bed and spend as many hours as I can recovering, so that I can somewhat manage to get up for work the next day. Rob himself has been too busy during shifts to try anything, so that is also very good. I'm flustered enough at work without having to fend off the advances of a sexy Australian maniac (even if he does make excellent coffee, if I say so myself).

Anyway, I have the next two days off, and I fully intend on spending them both in bed. I have no intention of standing on my poor feet for the next two days. Ahh my bed is lovely!

.

**Oct 25**

**Fathers hospitalised: 1**

**Fear for father's life: Great**

**.**

9pm- Oh my goodness! Just received an owl from St Mungo's informing me that dad's been hospitalised. Am waiting for them to get me now. I hope he's okay. He has to be…

.

2am- St Mungo's.

Am still waiting to see dad. They said I can see him in a bit, but can't wake him up.

Apparently he went into acute respiratory failure, but they're not sure why. Apparently his lungs were previously in relatively good health, and he doesn't have any signs of real heart disease or anything.

He has to be okay. He has to…

.

4am- Crap! Should probably send an owl to boss at Coins, explaining what's happened…

* * *

**Oct 26**

8am- Am still at St Mungo's and haven't seen dad yet. I'm really worried about him. Mum has arrived and is sitting next to me. Surprisingly, she was crying when she arrived.

.

9am- I have to write about something that's been bothering me. I just went down to the cafeteria to get a coffee, and I caught Shirley whispering something to Julio. They both looked tense. You'd think Julio would be the last person she'd speak to when her husband's in hospital. Fuck. I wish I could speak to Sirius about this. It's no longer a joke any more. The Healers say that they found traces of a muggle poison in his system that can be acquired via certain animal bites. Dad is still unconscious, but stable now.

The point is, I think something very suspicious and scary is going on… I think Shirley's trying to kill my dad and, somehow, Julio is involved…

.

10am- I can't leave Shirley alone with dad. I wish I could talk to someone about this… but I can't leave the hospital in case Shirley gets at dad!

.

10.10am- Right. That's it. I'm going to write to Sirius. If he comes, he comes. If he doesn't… well I don't blame him either. But I need help and he's the only one who can, I think.

.

11am- Agh. I sent it. I feel bad for asking for help without even apologising. This is what I wrote-

_I know you don't want anything to do with me, but I desperately need your help. If you can, I'm at St Mungo's, Respiratory Dept._

_Anna._

I debated whether I should write 'Love, Anna', or even 'Sorry, Anna'… but then decided that the less I wrote, the less likely it was that I'd inspire some kind of furious reaction in him…

I hope he comes. Each time I see Shirley flash a Healer her saccharine smile, I feel sick to my stomach. Please come, Sirius. Please!

.

12 noon- Oh my giddy aunt! He came- straight away too! I have to get back to dad, so I must be quick-

He agrees that something is going on, and that Shirley and my father must be monitored at all times. I'll write in more detail about the rest later.

.

6pm- Just spoke to one of the senior Aurors. The short of it, is that Sirius notified the Auror department, and they've ordered that the Healers are not to let Shirley- or anyone else- into his room. They've also set to investigating her.

LOVE SIRIUS.

.

8pm- Ah good-ish news (unrelated to dad)- boss says I can take the week off to be with dad. Love him for being so understanding!

* * *

**Oct 27**

1pm- St Mungo's-

I'm alone for now, so have plenty of time to write-

Dad is awake, and apparently very confused as to why he isn't allowed home, or to at least see Shirley or me. The Healers have made up some story about his having a rare infectious disease that requires him to be quarantined for the next week.

Okay, now I can write about Sirius in complete detail…

He came almost straight away. I could tell from the way he was looking at me that it was almost physically painful for him to be there… but his flaw of being loyal and caring compelled him to come, even against his will (SO lovely!)

I sprung up and went right up to him. I had to fight every urge to hug him, and to break down and tell him how much I missed him.

Instead, I gushed-

'Thanks for coming. I thought you wouldn't, but I'm so grateful...'

'What's the emergency?' he interrupted brusquely.

I swallowed thickly.

'Dad's in hospital,' I said, looking around to make sure we weren't being heard. 'I think it's Shirley. They said he had a rare muggle poison in his system.'

Sirius' eyes widened, and I nodded.

'And then, just before, I went down to get a coffee and I found Shirley whispering urgently to Julio. It was just so strange. Why would she be talking to him in that secretive manner?'

Sirius' mouth became a thin line at this. He grabbed my arm and I flinched a little.

'Let's go down to the café,' he said seriously.

'But…'

'She won't do anything under the Healers' noses,' he said firmly. 'Let's go.'

We walked down to the cafeteria in silence. When we arrived, the café was really busy and loud.

'Are you sure this is a good place to discuss this?' I half-shouted.

He nodded.

'We're less likely to be overheard.'

I nodded.

'Do you want a coffee? It's the least I can do…'

'I just had one, thanks,' he said shortly- reminding me that we were by no means best friends again.

I sat down with him at a corner table.

'I'm not saying I don't believe you,' he said seriously. 'Something definitely stinks… but why would Shirley admit your dad to hospital if she wanted to kill him?'

I paused.

'She didn't admit him,' I said slowly. 'He was at work. He must've eaten her packed lunch. She always packs his lunches…'

Sirius nodded gravely.

'Yes, that would make sense. Listen, do you know anything about Shirley's history at all? Any previous marriages, children… anything?'

I shrugged.

'No… I actually don't,' I said truthfully. 'That's strange, isn't it?'

Sirius shook his head.

'Not if she's made a career of killing off rich men for their money, it isn't.'

I gasped, shocked.

'You think she's a serial killer?'

'It's possible,' he said grimly. 'And Julio… was he the cause of the rift in your parents' marriage?'

I thought about it.

'They always had problems… but I don't think she ever considered actually leaving dad until Julio came along.'

Sirius nodded.

'Yes… it fits, but I'm not sure exactly how or why yet. I agree that Julio and Shirley are possibly working together in this, though. Hmmm…'

He looked lost in his thoughts for a moment. I know I should've only been concerned for my father, but I couldn't help feeling a slight urge to jump across the table and snog Sirius at that point. Is it weird that I find him a million times more shaggable when he's angry with me, than when we were 'together' and he was super nice?

Anyway, back to the story-

Sirius then suddenly got up. I stood up too, confused.

'I'm going to the Auror department,' he said, looking a little dazed. 'I'll notify you if I find anything…'

And with that, he left. Since then, I've spoken to numerous other aurors, but not Sirius himself.

I wonder if we're on track to being friends again? Surely he wouldn't have come if he didn't care at all about me… right?

.

8pm- I'm feeling quite giddy. I haven't gone home in Merlin knows how long. I briefly napped on mum's shoulder, earlier, but that was it. I'm not sure if these 'caffeine hit' shots are any good for my health. I'm inclined to think they're not, judging by the fact my hands won't stop shaking.

* * *

**Oct 28**

**Hospital admissions: 1**

**Sleep: 14 hours (beautiful!)**

**Meetings with Sirius: 1 (tragic)**

**Dad's status: Alive and well (from what I've been told)**

**.**

9pm- Um… so this is kind of embarrassing, but I was admitted to hospital yesterday for caffeine overload. Apparently my heart started beating super dangerously fast. I remember finding it really hard to breath, and then feeling really dizzy and fainting. Anyway, after they performed several life-saving charms on me, I had a very long (and beautiful) sleep. When I came to, Sirius was sitting next to my bed.

'What happened?' he demanded. 'They won't tell me because I'm not family.'

I rolled my eyes, in spite of myself.

'Typical Anna activity,' I muttered. 'Turns out that no sleep, coupled with caffeine shots, aren't very good for the heart.'

He laughed a little, but then his face fell and then I was reminded that things between us really weren't okay.

'Sirius…'

'Don't,' he said harshly. 'There's nothing you can say.'

'No… please… please listen,' I said desperately. 'You have to.'

He stood up quickly.

'I have to go,' he said tensely. 'I recommend you lay off the caffeine for a while.'

And, before I could say anything to change his mind, he was gone.

So now I'm stuck in this room, all by myself. I think I'll catch up on some more sleep. I asked the nurse about dad, and she said he was doing very well, so that's a good sign at least.

Merlin, I always knew that Shirley was an untrustworthy piece of work. The bitch.

* * *

**After a rather turbulent start to my uni year, I **_**finally**_** managed to get some writing in tonight! I missed Anna- even though I sort of put her through the ringer, in this chapter! **

**Next chapter-**

'_Oh my giddy aunt… I just received an cobra in the mail! It nearly bit me. Thank goodness for Lily's lightning fast reflexes! I can't believe Shirley's trying to kill me too!'_

**So please be lovely and review! I really need cheering up these days because, like Anna, my life's not in the best place at the moment.**

**x Anya**


	38. Chapter 38: November 1 to 4

**November 1**

**Weight: 10st 5 (BLAH! MUST become thin before year's end!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Money: 50 galleons (… thanks mum)**

**Jamie: In London**

**Dad: Still in hospital**

**Shirley: Still at large**

**Sirius: V. silent.**

**Rob: Disturbing**

**Work: 9 hours (exhausting!)**

* * *

**8am- **Agh! Just weighed self for the first time in ages. I can't believe am 10st 4. I was going well at some point during the year. Now I've just put all that weight back on. At this rate, I'll be back to 11st at Christmas, and that is a weight I do _not_ want to return to!

.

**8.10am- **Bleh. Start work in a bit. Don't want to go. Only positive of this dad-poisoning fiasco has been getting time off work. Working at _Coins_ is v. exhausting. Also, am a bit apprehensive about going in, because I've received several letters from Rob during my time off… all rather desperately asking me when I'm going to return.

I hope he hasn't reverted to his stalkerish tendencies. I don't think I can deal with that as well at this point in time.

.

**8.13am- **Lovely! Mum just sent over a 50 galleon cheque. I was slightly hinting that I had no money when I spoke to her yesterday, blaming lack of work. It's amazing how she can pick up on subtle hints when it comes to material things, but when it comes to one's feelings or sense of propriety, she is completely oblivious.

Oh well, mustn't be ungrateful.

.

**8.15am- **Oh bollocks. Just received a note from Jamie, telling me he's coming over to see dad, and asking if he can sleep on the couch in our living room.

Today's going to be a _very_ long day. He better not lecture me again re: Jamaica.

.

8.45am- Nooo! Have to get ready for work. Don't want to go! I miss working at the DP. Why did I ever want to visit Jamaica in the first place? Agh. My life is so rubbish.

.

8.50am- Mustn't be ungrateful. At least I'm not married to a homicidal maniac. The fact my step-mother is likely to be a homicidal maniac isn't that much better a situation, though, to be honest…

Should just give thanks that dad is alive and well. That is the main thing.

Blah. Okay. Am just going to go to work and take everything as it comes. I need a job, and this is all I have at the moment.

Once we sort dad out etc, I'll work on developing some kind of career plan. I definitely don't plan on working in _Coins_ for the rest of my life!

.

6.30pm- My bed.

I. Am. Dead.

Jamie's coming over in a bit and then we'll visit the hospital together.

But, for now, I'm just going to die on my bed for a bit. Feet are killing me, and Rob was impossible today. Don't even want to think about it…

.

12 midnight- Oh my giddy aunt. Jamie just confessed that he's gay! I can't believe this! All these years I had no idea! Apparently all the girlfriends during school were a cover…

After the hospital, he was really upset about dad etc. We decided to stop over at a bottle shop on our way home. Once home, and we'd had a few glasses of wine, he just started crying. I was quite unprepared for it, because I can't remember ever seeing Jamie cry!

'Merlin, Anna,' he half-sobbed. 'I can't believe mum and dad are really split up.'

I sighed.

'I know. Sometimes I think it's worse that it happened now that we're older. We've had lived our entire lives expecting them to love each other… and for them to suddenly divorce was so horrible. It was so difficult to deal with, Jamie.'

'I know,' he said, blowing his nose loudly. 'I'm sorry I wasn't there. It was easier to ignore it… like most things in life,' he said bitterly.

I snorted.

'Please. You've got the perfect life! Both our parents adore and are proud of you, you're smart, fit... and you play for a professional quidditch team- not to mention that you're quite well off! Compare that with me- I have a shitty job at a café, barely have any money, got kicked out of my uni course, fucked up the best friendship and chance at a relationship I ever had, and now my father was nearly poisoned under my watch! How am _I _meant to feel about my life?'

Jamie shifted uncomfortably.

'Have you ever… thought about girls?'

I stared at him, very confused.

'Huh?'

'Maybe it's just me, then,' he sighed.

I laughed.

'Well I'd hope you were thinking about girls!'

His face flushed, and- suddenly- his lack of girlfriend, the couture suits… it all started adding up.

'Jamie,' I said, completely shocked, 'you don't fancy men, do you?'

He looked away suddenly, and I sprung up.

'You do!' I cried. 'How long have you known! Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you ever ask me to go shopping with you and why did you never give me fashion advice? Do you know how hard I tried to convince one of my friends that he was gay? I've wanted a gay friend for _so _long… completely oblivious to the fact that my own brother is gay!'

Jamie blinked.

'_That's_ your response?'

I laughed. I have to admit, it was quite exciting news.

'Why? What were you expecting?'

He shrugged, looking very relieved.

'I don't know… For you to be upset, angry… When I tried telling mum, a couple of years ago, she said I had a demon inside of me and offered to book an exorcist to get it out.'

I rolled my eyes.

'That sounds like our mother. Forget her. Look, Jamie, love is love. You can't help that you love men and not women. I, as your sister, have absolutely no problems with it and will never love you any more or less for your sexuality.'

He went to say something, but then hugged me tightly.

'I'm sorry I was so shit at looking out for you when you came to Jamaica. I should've chaperoned you. You should never have been involved in any of that…'

'Jamie,' I interrupted, 'I'm the idiot for trusting a random off the street. Now, I'm really not interested in chatting about that fiasco. I want to be filled in! Do you have a boyfriend? Have you always known? Is that why you're into quidditch- so you can check out all your team-mates in the changing room? Do _they _know?'

We basically spent the whole night talking about it. Apparently he's known since he was 15, and felt a bit confused before then. I can't believe I never picked up on it! He hid it so well!

He doesn't have a boyfriend at the moment, and hasn't come out to his team mates, which I think is quite sad… but I also get why he hasn't. He says he's in the team to play quidditch, and that he doesn't see why his private life should have any bearing on his professional life. I guess that's practical.

If only my own personal life didn't end up fucking up my professional life at the DP. Circe, I miss that job more with each shift I complete at _Coins_!

* * *

**November 2**

**Weight: 10st 6 (I give up. This is terrible! Am not even fitting into normal clothes! Have had to get Lily to charm them to a larger size!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Money: 45 galleons 1 knut**

**Jamie: Gone (I miss him!)**

**Work: 5 hours (thank goodness was only a mini shift!)**

**Rob: Unbelieveable. **

.

8am- Oh my giddy aunt! Just changed into my black pants for work… and I broke the zip! I can't believe how fat I've become. This is disgusting. Fished out an old black skirt… which is too small! Am getting Lily to charm the skirt to a bigger size.

This is _extremely_ embarrassing. I don't understand why I've become so fat, though! I mean, I know I tend to have these massive binges during my lunch break, and when I get home… but surely I work it all off during my shift?

Hmph. Obviously not. When I come home, I must plan a very strict diet. I can't believe this!

.

5pm- Well a suppose I should find some kind of positive from my horrific shift today… i.e. that someone actually still finds me attractive, despite the fact am a walking tower of cellulite.

It was horrible. Rob cornered me as I was leaving-

'Anna,' he said hoarsely. 'You've been ignoring me.'

'Uh… I've had a lot going on,' I said, looking around desperately for an escape.

'How about I come around tonight?' he said, looking at me with the sort of look you associate with a homicidal maniac.

'I'm busy,' I said desperately. 'Sorry…'

I went to leave, but then he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. I reached for my wand and thankfully managed to actually send out a hex (I'm usually terrible under pressure). He yelped, and I ran before he could recover.

So now what do I do? Do I quit? Do I report him… for what? Sexual harassment? Wanting to see me?

Agh. This is horrid. I don't know if there's a higher power up there, but I _seriously_ need some good luck to come my way… pronto!

.

8pm- Hm. Sirius just dropped by just to say he thinks they're close to making a breakthrough with Shirley and to sit tight and shut my mouth around her. Hmph. He barely even looked at me as he said all this, and he refused to come in when I invited him in.

Is he EVER going to listen to me… or forgive my stupid mistake? Aghhh. I can't take it. I miss him too much.

* * *

**November 3**

**Weight: 10st 6 (repulsive)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Money: 42 galleons**

**Work: 0 (bad)**

**Wine: 5 glasses (bad)**

**Exercise (1 hour- excellent)**

**Shirley: Still evil**

**.**

**8am- **I know this is sort of bad and very un-feminist of me, but I called in sick at work today. I can't stomach the thought of working with Rob.

Also, I hate work and just want a day off, even though I know I can't really afford it.

I'm going to try sorting out my life today. I can't continue working in _Coins_ forever. It's just not going anywhere, and I think I'm too young to give up and accept I'm destined for a career in waitressing.

Will just have a little breakfast first. Mm, what to have? I wish I could cook so could make myself a glorious eggy breakfast.

.

8.10am- On second thoughts, learning to cook would probably be disastrous- I really don't need an excuse to eat MORE.

.

8.20am- Right. Have made toast and tea, which really is the best breakfast anyway. Lots of fattening butter slathered on a nice piece of raisin toast- what more do I need?

Okay, so I really need to sort out what I want. I think I may still want to go into psychology but, after my very short-lived stint at the DP, I'm starting to think maybe journalism is more my calling. Obviously what I did at the DP wasn't really 'journalism', but I do enjoy writing- even if it's just this diary, and answering questions. I think I also managed to get a pretty good idea- watching all the other journalists- of what it is to be a journalist…

Anyway. I think I'll apply for both Journalism and Psychology courses- hopefully _someone_, somewhere, will accept me.

.

9am- Is there any point? Surely all of the UK has heard of my disgrace? Gah. Am going to go have a lie down. All this reading of university application criteria has given me a headache. No one's going to accept me anyway.

.

1pm- What time is this! Was meant to have a lie down- not a full on sleep!

.

2pm- Eek! Have just sent off an application to Melbourne Wizarding University, in Australia. I know it sounds crazy- and _is_ a bit crazy- but I just need to leave this place. I think Australia will be my chance for a fresh start, with a clean slate. No one there will no of my past disgraces. Everything will be completely new- new friends, new setting, new professors and employers…

Also, they start university in February, as opposed to September, so I can actually start my new course sooner, rather than later.

I'm also aware that I've decided to pack up and ship off to the land of convicts- which produces men like Rob- but that's a risk I'll just have to take.

Am going to go for a walk now. Need to budge this fat if I'm going to reinvent myself.

.

4pm- Oh how nice! Just received a wedding invitation… from Sluggie! He's finally tying the knot! He sent me a note saying 'thank you for your excellent advice.'

I'm so glad he's found someone to spend his life with! Good old Sluggie! Will go to his wedding. It's also nice to receive some good news for once- makes for a pleasant change!

May have to take Mary or Lily, as finding a date before December 30 seems highly unlikely to me.

On that note, am off to visit Dad.

.

8pm- Oh dear. That didn't go as well as I thought it'd go. Just told Lily and Mary of my course applications and they don't understand why I feel I need to 'run off to Australia.'

Anyway, shoved some wine at Mary. She's giving me sour looks, but is going to help me write an official-legal-type-letter to Rob, telling him to stop harassing me…. Or else.

.

9pm- Just sent letter off! Mary was considerably pissed by the time she finished writing it, so it was quite threatening by the end! Nonetheless, I like it. It is assertive and hopefully now he will realise that, just because I made a few mistakes (once upon a time), it does not give him the right to sexually harass me.

Yay for girl power!

Am going to have a few drinks myself, now. I feel I deserve it. For once, my day off has been very productive!

* * *

**Weight: 10st 5 (an improvement)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Money: 40 galleons (alarming- why am I constantly low on funds?)**

**Work: Good- no Rob**

**Shirley: Extremely evil**

**Death-threats: 1 (terrifying).**

.

5pm- Work was so much better without Rob! He wasn't scheduled to come on shift today and it was _so _much nicer to deal with customers without needing to constantly keep an eye on Rob.

Oooh… I've got a package! How lovely!

.

12 midnight- Sirius' spare bedroom.

Oh my giddy aunt. This has GOT to stop! How much drama can one have in their life?

And yes, I did write that correctly- I am currently in Sirius' spare bedroom. It's about the only perk of this entire disaster.

Remember that package I received this afternoon? I opened it and, inside the box, was a cobra! It nearly bit me. Thank goodness for Lily's lightning fast reflexes!

I stood there, staring at the snake in terror and, just as it lunged at me, Lily whipped out her wand and stunned it.

The rest is a bit of a blur. Someone called the Aurors and, before I knew it, I was being interviewed by all these two Aurors.

I remember finding it really hard to think clearly. Sirius and James were there, and I just kept on staring at Sirius.

They started questioning me about Shirley and, thankfully, Sirius could fill them in about all of that.

They said I had to go into a protection program and Sirius offered to look after me. I didn't argue- I was too dazed at the thought that Shirley was trying to kill me to overthink any of it. Mary and Lily packed me some clothes, protective charms were put on our apartment, and then Sirius apparated me to his place.

He didn't talk too much- thank goodness- but forced me to drink a Butterbeer before showing me to the spare room.

It's only now that it's all starting to really sink in. I think I'll finish that little flask of firewhiskey Mary packed in my bag, and go to sleep.

So, so confused. My life seems to get crazier by the day. Agh. At least Sirius is sort of talking to me now…

* * *

**Sorry for the long wait! This year is the medical equivalent of the HP NEWT year, so it's been super hard to juggle all my extra interests with my crazy study load :(**

**BUT! I have planned out the rest of this story and I'm very excited to write it all! Next chapter-**

'_I'm a bit confused… Sirius is quite the domestic goddess. That should be god, shouldn't it? Domestic god sounds strange, though. Maybe it's just because they don't seem to exist. Well, whatever you want to call someone who excels in home economics, Sirius is amazing and almost puts Lily to shame. I almost feel grateful that Shirley tried to kill me. I know have law-enforced Sirius time, every day!'_

**Now that Anna's stuck with Sirius, will those two finally figure things out? ****Leave me a review and I promise you won't have to wait long to find out!**

**Love, **

**Anya**


	39. Chapter 39: November 5 to 15

**November 5 **

**Weight: Sirius has no scales. Let's say I'm 8 st (excellent!)**

**Height: 6ft (wonderful progress!)**

**Calories: Not sure. Didn't pack my calorie chart**

**Attempts at cooking: 1 (disastrous)**

**Awkward moments: Hundreds (!)**

* * *

11am- Woke up to find the house empty. Hmph. Apparently Sirius still has to go training during the day. I'm still safe, though, because the house is charmed with every protective charm under the sun.

If that's the case, though, I'm still a bit confused as to why couldn't I just stay at home?

Anyway. Won't overthink this nonsensical situation, as am quite enjoying the fact that maybe- hopefully- Sirius and I will be able to sort things out, once and for all.

But what to do? I have absolutely nothing to do here! The house is spotless, so it's not as though I can even clean it!

.

1pm- Went to the library room, but Sirius seems to have chucked out his Mills & Boon collection. Hmph. Tried reading a book on potions (thought I'd try learning something) but got bored.

There is _nothing_ to do. Wish I could go out. Or at least have a Witch Weekly.

.

1.10pm- I know! I'll cook dinner! I have all day to do it too, so can prepare a lovely three course meal for us. I can do this!

.

2pm- Looked through the recipe books- and Sirius's surprisingly well-stocked fridge and pantry- and have decided to make the following:

Entrée: French onion soup

Main: Roast chicken with roast potatoes and green beans

Dessert: Panna cotta with a Raspberry Coulis

I'm excited! I can do this! The recipes seem fairly straight forward…

.

2.20pm- Apparently I need something called 'gelatine' for the panna cotta. Not sure what that is, but it doesn't sound too crucial. Will just leave it out. The mixture tastes really nice! (Not sure how one can go wrong with cream, sugar and vanilla!)

I think the mixture tastes good enough as is. Won't bother with that raspberry coulis. Looks a bit complicated anyway.

.

2.30pm- Actually, it sounds like raspberry jam, but thinned out. I guess if I just serve the panna cotta with raspberry jam will be ok.

.

3pm- Will have a little break for now. This cooking business is exhausting. Will do the French onion soup next.

.

3.10pm- Tried cutting up an onion, but my eyes started watering up a lot. I think I'll give entrée a miss. Probably shouldn't stretch myself too much, being an amateur cook. I'll just do the roast chicken and potatoes.

Onion soup doesn't seem all that appealing anyway- and certainly won't be conducive to the possibility of make-up snogging. Onion breath? I don't think so…

.

4pm- I think I'll put the chicken in now. Don't want to serve under-cooked chicken, after all! Sirius comes home at 7.30, so that should give it plenty of time to cook through properly.

I can't find any aluminium foil to cover the chicken with, so will just leave it open. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Am quietly very proud of myself! Roast chicken is a very domestic goddess-y thing to cook!

.

7pm- Is it okay to check the chicken now? I don't want to compromise its cooking. Will just quickly check it to make sure it's cooking okay. It shouldn't lose too much heat if I only open the oven for a few seconds… right?

Will just set the table quickly.

.

7.10pm- Oh NO! I've done it again. The potatoes are black, and the chicken looks drier than parchment. I have a feeling slow-cooking only applies to meats like lamb!

What's worse, the entire house now reeks of burnt potatoes and chicken. Have opened all the doors and windows to try airing the place out.

I wish there was a charm to reverse burnt food…. Maybe there is?

.

7.20pm- Aha! Found one! Will try it now!

.

7.25pm- I want to cry. I just exploded the chicken. There are bits of chicken ALL over the kitchen. Sirius is going to hate me even more now. How am I going to clean this before he comes, in 5 mins?

.

7.30pm- Maybe I can say Shirley tried to attack me and I dodged her curse, which hit the chicken instead- thus causing it to explode. Good plan!

.

7.31pm- Okay, he's late, and I've managed to clean up all the obvious bits of chicken (will clean it better when he goes to bed)… BUT I HAVE NOTHING TO SERVE HIM! Aghhh why am I so bad at being a human?

.

9pm- I'm a bit confused… Sirius is quite the domestic goddess. That should be god, shouldn't it? Domestic god sounds strange, though. Maybe it's just because they don't seem to exist…

Well, whatever you want to call it, Sirius is amazing and almost puts Lily to shame. I almost feel grateful that Shirley tried to kill me- I know have law-enforced Sirius time, every day!

He came into the kitchen just after my last entry, looking very confused.

'Why is there chicken everywhere?' he frowned.

DOES HE HAVE HAWK EYES OR SOMETHING?

I then decided it'd just be best if I came clean about the whole thing.

'I wanted to cook for you,' I said glumly, slumping into a chair and pouring out two firewhiskeys, 'but I overcooked the chicken and, when I tried to use the 'de-burn' charm, the chicken exploded.'

Sirius' lips twitched and he took the tumbler of firewhiskey from me and clinked my glass.

'Cheers to your attempts at cooking,' he said wryly, sitting opposite me. 'Did you read that the 'de-burn' charm only applies to non-meat foods?'

I grabbed the cook book and sighed as I read the subtext under the charm.

'Obviously you were too eager to read the entire page on the subject,' he said. 'Never mind. I happened to buy some ingredients on my way home. Let's finish this drink in homage to your exploded bird, and then you can help me prepare some dinner.'

He smiled at me, but I didn't feel like joking.

'I'm really sorry,' I said sadly. 'I didn't want to waste your food. I wanted to do a good job.'

'It's really no big deal,' he said, looking confused as to why I was on the verge of tears.

'I just… I just fuck absolutely everything in my life up!' I said, feeling the tears pricking my eyes.

He became silent, and I looked up at him.

'Why do you even bother being nice to me? I don't deserve it.'

He fixed his eyes on his whiskey.

'Look,' he said slowly. 'I was angry with you for a long time… but I know that thing with your neighbour was a misunderstanding. Lily and Mary have explained it to me countless times, and I know you've tried to explain it too.'

He paused.

'But I'm still annoyed that you put yourself in a situation where he could assume that you might be interested.'

I nodded, and was surprised when I heard him chuckling.

'To be honest, I don't know why I was so surprised, given how naïve and innocent you can be.'

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help feeling better.

'So are we… good now?'

He raised an eyebrow.

'Not really… I'm quite famished. Shall we?'

It was quite wonderful watching him cook. He knew exactly what he was doing, and the result was quite spectacular! He made pork belly and, oh sweet Circe, it was absolute foodgasm! I had to check myself from making piggish noises at the table, that's how amazing it was.

He honestly can't get any more attractive. It just makes me want to go back in time and slap myself for being such a prat, when we were going out.

I insisted on washing up- something I can do, for a change- and then served the panna cotta… if one can even call it that. It was basically creamy slush on a plate. It hadn't set at all, and when I turned the ramekins over on the plate, they just went everywhere.

Sirius then explained that gelatine is the substance that makes the panna cotta set. Hmph. They might've mentioned that in the recipe.

He's now in his study, because he's got lots of reading to do apparently. I wonder if he just made that up to get away from me? Surely he could just study in the kitchen or the living room?

Obviously things are better between us, but it's still blatantly obvious that we're not back to normal. It's hard to go back to normal, when we both know that- before the fight- we were meant to be trying for a relationship. Aghhh.

Will go to my room and do some exercises. Might as well tone up, seeing as I have nothing else to do.

.

11pm- AGH. SIRIUS.

I was doing my exercises, and decided I'd try doing 50 sit-ups in a row. After 10, I was feeling a bit of a burn. Come 20 sit ups, I was really struggling… but I wanted to keep going, so I started grunting to help myself along.

Unfortunately, Sirius happened to be walking past the door at that time and knocked and said-

'Don't mean to interrupt your 'private time'- but I just need to check Shirley's not murdering you.'

I was so mortified! I ran to the door and he grinned a little at my flushed face.

'I was… exercising…' I panted.

He raised an eyebrow and started walking off to his room.

'If that's what you want to call it,' he said, winking. 'Night, Anna.'

How am I meant to sleep properly tonight, knowing that he's in the next room? This is the cruellest form of torture. It truly is.

* * *

**November 6**

**Weight: Who knows? Let's say I'm severely underweight- 5st- so I have no choice but to eat like a glutton!**

**Height: 6ft (perfect!)**

**Annoyance with the Auror Dept: Huge**

**Shirley: Still at large**

**Housemate: Miss Maple (ugh)**

**.**

11am- Am v. annoyed. Woke up early this morning (5am!) because I heard Sirius having a shower, and wanted to see him before he left for training. I felt that the more contact I had with him, the more likely we were to get back to normal.

Made a pot of tea and some toast (at least I can do that successfully). He jumped when he saw me in the kitchen.

'Did I wake you?' he frowned. 'Sorry if I was loud—'

'You weren't,' I said, handing him a cup of tea. 'I just couldn't sleep very well.'

He frowned.

'Couldn't you sleep well? Are you worried about Shirley? We've got someone keeping tabs on her, so she won't be able to do anything further without our knowing about it.'

I shook my head.

'No… well, it's partly to do with her. I've just got a lot of things to think about at the moment.'

He nodded and we ate in silence for a while. Then, he looked up at the clock and jumped up.

'Sorry, I've got to run- Mad Eye will kill me!'

He tossed his cloak on, and then chuckled to himself and pulled out a brown package from his pocket.

'For you- I thought it might temporarily deal with the boredom of staying indoors all day.'

And, without another word, he rushed out.

I looked at the package and felt a warm glow in my chest. It's nice to receive presents- especially from Sirius. Surely that's a sign that he wants to go back to normal too?

I went to open the package, but then thought of the package I received from Shirley, with the cobra, and shivered. I decided I'd take a shower first, and open the package when I came back down.

I was startled when I entered the kitchen after my shower, to find two Aurors, plus James and Sirius.

'What's going on?' I said, confused.

'Miss Jones, I'm Auror Kirby,' a little man with a fat moustache said, extending a hand. 'I'm in charge of your case.'

I nodded, and sat at the table.

'Now, we'd like to question you more fully as to who could have sent you the package.'

I glanced at Sirius' package, on the table, and Kirby's eyes lit up.

'You received another one?'

'No!' I exclaimed. 'No, Sirius gave that to me.'

I bit my lip as I noticed Sirius turning bright red.

Kirby shot Sirius a suspicious look and levitated the package over to the sink, as though it was about to explode. He then blasted it open, to reveal a now-charred Mills & Boon novel.

I've never seen Sirius so embarrassed.

'Black!' barked Kirby. 'What's this? Mills & Boon!'

'Sir, I asked Sirius to get me some books because I was bored. He knows I'm particularly fond of Mills & Boon.'

Kirby shot Sirius a suspicious look and then sat back down again.

'Now, Miss Jones, could you name all the people who you can think of, who may dislike you, or wish you harm. Anyone you can think of- ex-boyfriends, school mates who may have disliked you etc.'

'I thought we said it was Shirley!' I said, confused.

'We're keeping our options open, at this stage,' he said firmly.

'Well… there's Shirley and… uh… Nora!'

'Nora who?'

'Nora Smith. She stalked me all the way to Jamaica. She was obsessed with me and my column.'

'You write a column?' Kirby asked.

I blushed.

'No… not any more.'

'Right. Any other threats from your column?'

'No, just from Nora. I'm not sure she'd do this, though. I haven't heard from her in ages.'

'Anyone else?'

I tried to think, and then blushed.

'Well, my old Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher wasn't too fond of me.'

'Why?'

I looked at Sirius and he shook his head slightly.

'I was a troublesome student.'

'Do you think it is realistic that he would want you dead, though?'

I looked at Sirius again, and he screwed up his nose.'

'No,' I sighed.

'Right… anyone else?'

'Well, I sort of have this guy who is obsessed with me.'

'Name?'

'Rob Brown. He works at my café.'

'What makes you think he's obsessed with you?'

I cringed, and really wished Sirius would leave the room.

'We sort of went out together a few times. I may have lead him on a bit…'

'How so?'

I blushed and Kirby nodded. I looked anywhere but at Sirius.

'Right. And what makes you think he's obsessed with you?'

'He keeps cornering me at work. The other day, I wrote a letter with my friend to him, asking him to stop harassing me.'

Kirby nodded curtly.

'Very well. Anyone else? Any recent relationships.'

'None that are relevant to this case.'

'Are you currently in a relationship, Miss Jones?'

I shook my head.

'And your last relationship was with who? I need to know.'

'We're friends. It's okay.'

'I still need to know. Experience has taught me that there is always one party who is at least a little bitter, following a break up.'

I sighed and looked up at Sirius.

'Me, sir,' he offered.

'You, Black?' Kirby said, surprised.

'Yes.'

Kirby squinted at Sirius for a bit, and then turned to me.

'Anyone else you can think of, Miss Jones?'

'Well I did sort of have a misunderstanding with my neighbour, Mark Darcie. Again, I don't think he would…'

'What sort of misunderstanding?'

'He wanted to go out with me… it was a bit messy.'

'I'm sensing a theme, here, Miss Jones,' Kirby said ironically.

He stood up and fixed his papers.

'Now, Miss Jones, I feel it is inappropriate that you stay with Mr Black, given he is now a suspect.'

'WHAT!' I exclaimed.

'It's okay, Anna,' Sirius muttered. 'It's just protocol.'

'So where am I to go?' I exclaimed. 'Home?'

Kirby shook his head.

'No. I have an excellent ex-auror for you to stay with. Her name is Miss Maple. Go pack your things and we shall leave immediately.'

.

I tried apologising to Sirius for mentioning him at all, but he seemed okay about it. I'm now in Miss Maple's little house, in her guest room.

Miss Maple, from the quick first impression I got of her, is a batty old cat lady. She's probably in her eighties, and seems like the least protective person I could think of. She's so frail one would think she'd snap like a twig.

She seems okay, I guess. The house stinks of moth balls, and is filled with doilies and other knitted things she's made.

Let's just hope I don't go batty staying her! She was on her way to her Healer appointment as I arrived, so I'm alone at the moment.

Wish I was still staying with Sirius. Now any chances of our getting back together seem to have been totally ruined. Hmph!

* * *

**November 8**

1pm- Miss Maple's just gone for her afternoon nap, so have a chance to write now.

I know this is going to sound strange… but I really like Miss Maple, and love it here.

At first, I thought she was this crazy spinster, but she's actually pretty awesome! On my first day, she made me help her cook a roast chicken (hah). She said that if I was to stay with her, she would need help- which I absolutely respect.

Instead of doing all the cooking for me, however, she made me do everything- but showed me how to anything I didn't get or did wrong.

And, for the first time in my life, I managed to cook something successfully! It was a pretty good roast chicken, if I say so myself!

She then set to questioning me, over lunch-

'So, Anna, how old are you?'

'I'm 19,' I replied.

'A very good age. Do you live at home?'

'No- I live with my two best friends.'

'So you must cook and clean a lot, then?'

I laughed.

'Well… I clean when it's my turn, but I'm a hopeless cook.'

'Poppycock!' she barked. 'This chicken is excellent!'

'Yes… but you were here to supervise me,' I added.

'To supervise you following the directions in the recipe? You're a big girl, I'm sure you can read directions and follow them easily enough.'

'You'd be surprised at how badly I can mess things up in a kitchen,' I sighed.

'Your problem, Anna,' she said, 'is your impatience. You're so impatient for results, that you don't stop to read the directions. It's a common problem amongst your generation. No one takes the time to think, anymore.'

I shrugged.

'I guess that's true.'

'Of course it is!' she exclaimed.

That afternoon, she taught me how to make scones, and that evening she supervised my making pasta.

I've never felt so accomplished! After a lifetime of kitchen failures- to three successful meals in the one day!

She's quizzed me a lot over the past few days, but I don't mind it because, for once, I'm getting no-nonsense, practical advice in return. She doesn't baby me, and it's nice to feel like _someone_ has confidence in me! She said I'm to help her in her garden, after her nap. Maybe I'm turning into a batty old spinster… but I'm actually quietly excited to learn how to garden!

* * *

**Nov 13**

I feel like I've learnt so many life skills over the past few days! I now know how to cook quite a lot of foods, how to knit, sew and garden!

Today, Miss Maple broached the topic of my commitment issues. She was surprisingly good about it.

'Girls of your age seem to go from one boy to the other fairly easily, these days.'

I nodded.

'Yes, I suppose that's true.'

Miss Maple squinted as she peered at me.

'You don't strike me as that sort of girl.'

I coughed nervously.

'You may think that's what you _ought_ to be doing, just because all the other girls are having one night flings, but you talk of love a lot, Anna. I think that's what you really want. You should think about that, next time you come across another superficial encounter.'

I shrugged.

'You see, my dear,' Miss Maple said, picking up her knitting needles, and handing some to me too, 'it seems to me a lot of your problems stem from your inability to commit to something.'

'But I do want to commit!'

'Commitment isn't just turning up, dearie! You must put in the hard yards and assume the position of responsibility that comes with the commitment- whether it be a relationship, job or study. You seem to have very good excuses for everything in your life, but, at the end of the day, you must acknowledge that your lack of commitment is what lands you in such situations.'

I felt a little indignant at this!

'For example- you said that you loved Sirius. Is that true?'

I shrugged.

'I suppose.'

'No! Commit to an answer! Yes- or no. None of this 'I suppose' nonsense!'

I sighed.

'Yes. Yes, I like-loved him.'

'Right. Now, my dear, being in a relationship requires commitment- not only to the person, but to the relationship and what it stands for. Knowing you were in a relationship, do you think it was showed good commitment when you accepted that Mark Darcie for a date- which resulted in his kissing you?'

'No,' I muttered sullenly.

'Of course not! You knew he was interested in you, and yet you thought you could get away with the perks of both being single, while being in a relationship. I'm sorry to tell you this, but the world doesn't work that way.

'I know,' I grumbled.

'Then why do you continuously put yourself in a position of responsibility, only to back out or not take full responsibility? If you commit to something, you commit to all of it! You can't pick and choose.'

At the time, I was a bit annoyed that I was receiving a lecture. Now that I think over the conversation, I'm so grateful for it… because it explains so many of my problems!

For example:

At uni, I committed to the course, but not the work it entailed.

My job at DP: I committed to the position of public morality guide, and yet had a very public immoral encounter.

Even cooking- I commit to cooking something, but don't have the patience to commit to following the steps and method the recipe requires.

And hence I have proven that I am a commitment-phobe.

It probably sounds like I'm having a really boring time, but I'm not. In fact, if I'm to be completely honest, I'm preferring this to staying with Sirius. For once, I'm really working on myself and learning proper skills and, I've come to realise, I'm enjoying it.

I don't like feeling constantly inadequate and stupid about basic things. Somewhere along the line, I obviously missed some crucial life skills while growing up- the pearls of wisdom a mother or grandmother should impart. With no grandmother, and a self-absorbed mother who constantly criticized me, I don't think I ever thought 'I can do this.' Even my friends- though I know they mean no harm- seem to view me as a walking joke of 'what's Anna done now?'

I know the concept of this isn't new, but living with a mentor-type figure who is constantly telling me 'of course you can do this/that' has made a world of difference to how I feel about myself, and my abilities.

Anyway. Mary and Lily are coming over tomorrow for morning tea! V excited to hear some news from the outside world… and will fish for news on Sirius.

* * *

**November 14**

11pm- Hah! Lily and Mary were so shocked when they saw me! Firstly, they think I've lost weight (I have no scales so have no way of knowing if they're just being nice and complimenting me, or if it's actually true).

Miss M said it is always polite to provide food and drink to one's guests, so I made scones. Of course I always provide drinks to anyone who comes over anyway, but I have a feeling she was referring to something non-alcoholic- like tea.

Anyway, Lily and Mary were so surprised that the scones actually tasted very good.

'Anna,' Mary said, stuffing a scone in her mouth. 'What's happened to you? You've become so different!'

I shrugged.

'Miss Maple's been amazing. She's like having a really cool grandmother. She's taught me all these things about cooking and cleaning. It's been very nice.'

Mary snorted.

'So you've been… what? Having fun?'

I nodded.

'Yeah… I suppose I have. I don't know if I'd call it 'fun', but it's been…'

'Positive?' Lily offered.

I nodded.

'Well I, for one, am very glad for you, Anna,' she said practically. 'You seem to have really settled into yourself in your seclusion.'

'Thank you!' I said, surprised to get such a compliment from Lily.

'Don't you want to hear about Sirius?' Mary said suggestively, obviously bored with all this talk about me.

'Yes!' I said eagerly. 'What's happening? He's not being questioned is he?'

Mary and Lily exchanged a look.

'What?' I said, becoming worried. 'WHAT?'

'Well,' said Lily delicately, 'they've sort of investigated everyone you mentioned- including Mark Darcie.'

'Oh no,' I groaned.

'Yes… and Mark came round to our place, asking why he was a suspect in an attempt murder case.'

I tugged at my hair, feeling horrid.

'And Sirius?'

Mary bit her lip.

'He's… sort of… in jail at the moment...'

'WHAT?' I exploded. 'WHEN? HOW? WHY?'

Suddenly, I thought of Azkaban and shivered.

'He's not in Azkaban, is he?'

Lily shook her head.

'Oh no. That's more for those really terrible ones- crimes against humanity and the state etc. He's just in a normal jail at the moment.'

'But why?' I gasped. 'What happened?'

Mary laughed, but stopped when Lily glared at her.

'Oh Anna,' Mary sighed. 'They had to question Daniel too. They had them both sitting in a waiting room as they were questioning others and… well… I think you can figure out what happened. Daniel, Sirius, alone in a room…'

'They virtually destroyed the entire waiting area with their duelling,' Lily whispered. 'Of course, the stupid men gave up duelling with wands mid-way and just started throwing punches, so Sirius had to go to hospital to receive treatment for his injuries on his way to jail.'

'How long will he be in jail for?' I said, feeling horrible and responsible.

'The Potters are going to bail him out, so he'll probably be out today.'

I frowned.

'Does he hate me?'

Mary wiggled her eyebrows.

'We've heard the opposite. Apparently you two got along pretty well while you were staying with him. Come on, Jones! Fess up! Did you shag him? I know you did! I want details!'

I rolled my eyes.

'No, of course not. One doesn't just 'shag' Sirius Black.'

'I'm sorry,' Mary snapped. 'But what else are you supposed to do with him? He's fit and that's all there is to it!'

I laughed.

'Sorry, Mary, but I actually consider him to be one of the best people I have ever met.'

Mary surveyed me, and then laughed.

'I know your problem- I think you like him too much to shag him.'

'What!' I exclaimed.

'Yes, Mary,' Lily said, rolling her eyes. 'Please do explain.'

She then turned to me.

'Anna, please come back soon. Mary comes and tells me all these silly theories all day long. I need you to come back and be her theory sounding board.'

Mary cleared her throat, annoyed.

'Fine- let's hear your theory, Mary,' I said.

'Right,' she said, standing up importantly and pacing the living room. 'Think about it- if you _really_ like a guy and want him to have the best possible opinion of you, how do you act on a date?'

'I wouldn't know,' I muttered. 'Haven't been on too many dates.'

'Lily?'

'You follow the 'Bewitch His Heart Rules,' Lily said. 'Naturally.'

'Exactly!' exclaimed Mary. 'You never sleep or snog him straight away, because you want him to think you're 'marriage material.'

'I don't think I expect Sirius will ever marry me,' I said slowly.

'No, but you'd like him to. Admit it!'

I shrugged.

'It's too serious a concept to even joke about.'

'Exactly! You won't even joke about it- probably because you don't want to jinx your chances or something like that. Anyway, my point is that you've never seemed to have any issues with snogging a random bloke in a club, have you?'

'Not really, no,' I admitted.

'But you have issues with Sirius?'

'It's different!'

'Exactly!' Mary said proudly. 'Because you like him too much and don't want him to think you're like the other sluts he used to sleep with. You snog those guys in clubs because you don't care what they think, because you know you'll never see them again.'

I sighed.

'Okay. You're right- I know you are- but it doesn't change the fact that Sirius doesn't want to be with me and, even if he did, what would be the point? I'm hopefully going to Australia next year anyway!'

Lily sighed.

'Anna, are you _sure_ you want to go to Australia? It's a very big commitment. I'm not sure you understand just how big a deal it is.'

'I do,' I said firmly, 'which is why I want to go. I _need_ to commit to something and get serious with my life. In Australia, I feel I'll be able to do that with a clean slate.'

Lily and Mary became silent.

'What?' I said.

'I think it's a mistake,' said Mary, oddly-serious for once. 'Why does it matter where you are in the world? Why do you need to go to all the way to Australia to commit yourself to something? I don't want to sound mean, but if it's simply because of the clean slate thing, then I think it's a bit of a cop-out.'

I crossed my arms, becoming annoyed.

'Well they haven't accepted me yet, so let's just leave this for now.'

Lily nodded, and changed the subject by telling us about a funny patient of hers.

I've felt bad, ever since Mary said that. I might discuss it with Miss M, tomorrow. Hm.

* * *

**November 15**

**Weight: 10 st 2 (MUCH better!)**

**Height: 5ft 5 (ah well, I'll just have to wear heels, I think)**

**Shirley: Not convicted**

**Rob: A psycho**

**Job applications: 1 (v good!)**

**Cooking: Dinner- lasagne. Was v decent**

**Money: Soon to be 400 galleons! (THANK YOU Helen Asteria!)**

**.**

1pm- Home.

Oh goodness! This morning, the Aurors came to Miss M's as we were having breakfast and let me know they'd 'caught the culprit'.

It turns out it was Rob! Apparently he became so crazed after reading the letter Mary wrote on my behalf, that he went to Knockturn Alley and bought the cobra!

Auror Kirby finished off by saying-

'Miss Jones, you seem to have a knack of attracting crazed men. You might like to work on that.'

Hmph.

At least Sirius is out of prison. I've made some blueberry muffins and thought would bring them over to him later on as a 'thank you'. I love being able to bake! I feel so accomplished!

Speaking of, I was really sad to leave Miss M. She made me promise to visit her, and I fully intend on visiting her. She's like a grandmother-figure and mentor all in one. Also, I like her and want to keep her company, because I feel she doesn't get many visitors, which is sad, because she's a really cool little old lady. I told her I'd visit her for lunch tomorrow, anyway.

.

1.30pm- Ooh! Just received a note from Helen Asteria asking me to visit her office. Wonder what she wants? Will visit her after Sirius.

.

3pm- Hmph. Brought the muffins over to Sirius. He looked at them dubiously, and said-

'Did you make these?'

'Yes,' I said proudly, handing over the basket.

'You know, I have too much food here as it is,' he said weakly. 'Thanks, but…'

I kind of over-reacted, I think. I sort of started shouting at him that my problem was that he, and everyone else, are constantly under-estimating me etc etc.

After a few minutes, he just took the basket from me.

'Thanks- I'm sure they're wonderful.'

'They are,' I said haughtily. 'Try one.'

'I just ate.'

I glared at him, and he whimpered a little. He then bit into it… and then looked up at me, shocked.

'Anna,' he said, surprised. 'They're good!'

'I know. I told you they were.'

'But… how?'

I crossed my arms.

'Miss Maple taught me a lot during my two weeks in hiding.'

'Well… sorry for underestimating you. I actually tell you you're better than you think quite often, in case you've forgotten,' he said, letting me into his living room.

I sighed.

'Yeah… I know. Sorry.'

'It's just, you have to know that your track record in the kitchen hasn't been stellar. I'm still finding bits of chicken in my kitchen!'

I blushed.

'Hey… I'm sorry about Daniel. I'm actually really sorry you were caught up in this entire debacle altogether. I shouldn't have mentioned you.'

Sirius shrugged.

'No, it's okay. You had to mention me. It's not like you accused me or anything.'

'So what happened with Daniel?'

He laughed grimly.

'I should be the one thanking you, actually,' he said. 'I've been wanting an excuse to give him a good thrashing for a while.'

'You ended up in prison, though!'

He shrugged.

'Small price to pay for the very worthwhile outcome,' he said, his eyes flashing. 'I know they say to be careful of revenge and all that… but it certainly felt _good_.'

'Well he certainly deserved it,' I said. 'But I heard you went to hospital?'

'Just a broken nose and few cracked ribs,' he said casually. 'No big deal. I suspect I'll experience much worse when I'm a proper Auror.'

I sighed.

'I don't like that. At least you know someone like Daniel wouldn't actually kill you. He might be a major arsehole, but he's not a murderer. Sirius, you'll be dealing with real criminals- evil people.'

'Someone's got to do it,' he shrugged. 'Look, I think it's a little late for me to change paths now.'

I thought of telling him about my plans to uni application to Australia, but decided against it- I'll tell him if I get accepted. No use making a big deal of it if I don't even get in!

I didn't stay much longer, because I was itching to see what Helen Asteria wanted. As I left, though, Sirius was very sweet-

'You look really good, Anna,' he said. 'As ironic as this may sound, I think this little stint in 'protection' did the world of good for you.'

I agreed, and we made non-specific plans to get the group to go out together at some point.

Thank MERLIN we can all go out as a group again!

.

10pm- Hm. Turns out Helen Asteria wants to buy my 'story' for 300 galleons. I told her I'd do it provided I'm de-identified. She agreed. Am going to go back to The Quibbler office tomorrow, for the interview.

I suppose it'll be a good learning experience to see how journalists conduct interviews. I never really did that sort of thing at the DP.

ALSO! I applied a while ago for a receptionist job at a Psychology clinic- and they've just sent me a note asking if I can come in for a job interview tomorrow at 10am! V excited- especially as _Coins_ don't want me back anymore. Something about firing their 'star barista'. Hmph. You'd think they'd be grateful for my exposing a potential murderer!

.

10.20pm- Oh Merlin! I've slept with someone who wants to murder me! That's terrifying. Am never going to sleep with anyone ever again. Sex seems to make men crazed…

.

10.30pm- Remus isn't staying with Mary, so will go sleep with her tonight. I'm finding it a bit hard to sleep…

.

10.40pm- Hmph. Mary told me to 'piss off'. Maybe will listen to some nice, relaxing music, and try falling asleep alone.

.

11pm- AAAARGH. Each time the wind blows against the windows I jump suddenly. This is rubbish. Am going to lie on the couch and watch television till I fall asleep. Oooh, I wonder what's been happening in my tv serials? Good opportunity to catch up on them…

.

11.10pm- WHY have all my shows turned into horror stories? I'm going to burn some lavender and listen to relaxing music. This is rubbish. I think I have post-traumatic stress disorder. Hmmm.

* * *

**Next chapter-**

'Missing diary! Alert! My diary has disappeared, and I can't find it! This is my WORST nightmare.'

.

**Are you all proud of me? This has to be the fastest update you've had in a long while! What's better, is that the next one shouldn't be too far off either, as I've been on an AJD writing spree (having uni assignments to write is excellent incentive to write nonsensical stories…)**

**Please return the love with a lovely review. I would dearly love to know your thoughts!**

**Love,**

**Anya**


	40. Chapter 40: Nov 16 to 28

**November 16**

**DIARY MISSING! ALERT! (Am writing entries temporarily in a notebook. Will stick the pages in my diary if/when I find it)**

**Weight: 10st 2**

**Height: 5ft 5**

* * *

11pm- This is the worst day of my year. Well… perhaps not the _worst_, but it's up there.

I have somehow misplaced my diary, and I'm terrified that someone- i.e. the psychologist who interviewed me for a job- may have it. I have written absolutely every stupid thought of mine in that diary, this year. I can only imagine what will happen should someone read it!

St Mungo's psych unit, here I come…

Aghhh. This is horrible. It could be at several different locations. Will write out today's movements to see if I can remember-

10am- Psych interview

12 noon- Miss M's for lunch (wrote to her but she says it's not there)

2pm- Visited St Mungo's (could be ANYWHERE! Went to the cafeteria, visited Lily at the paediatrics unit, and then Dad, in the Infectious Diseases unit but couldn't find it!)

3.30pm- Interview at The Quibbler (might write and ask Helen Asteria… but is embarrassing to own up to her that I have a diary…)

I've searched my bag hundreds of times, and have scoured the apartment at least 10 times. Have tried summoning it and various other charms, but nothing has worked.

Ahh this is horrible. I feel ill.

.

12 midnight- Ooh, copy of Quibbler just arrived… but my interview won't be in it today. Oooh, will just read the article 'How to be Attractive'. I think Helen Asteria is a pretty good authority on the subject…

.

12.20pm- Hmph. Here is what I've surmised from the article:

- Take care of your body (i.e. eat well and little, and exercise… argh! So hard!)

- Dress well (I try, but it's hard when my weight is so fluctuant! Now all the lovely clothes I bought in the middle of the year are too tight!)

- Always wear makeup (well… normally I do. Unfortunately, Sirius sees me without it quite often. What am I saying? Why does Sirius matter?)

- Always look your best, no matter where you're going or who you're meeting (I guess this rule explains why Sirius counts- even if that relation-ship has sunk (har har), I should still take care not to be sloppy or unattractive)

- Feel attractive (easy for Helen Asteria to say. She could wear a potato sack and look like a goddess)

- Maintain very high levels of hygiene (well... I think I'm generally ok there)

- Smile quietly (WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Am going to assess my smile. Wait a sec…)

.

12.30am- Right. I think I know what she means. She has this pouty sort of mysterious smile. I smile widely and goofily. Must practise smiling from now on!

Right… onto the rest of my summary (is good for me to reinforce the points I've learnt by writing them out):

- Sometimes, saying less is more (again… difficult with my chronic verbal diarrhoea)

- Be feminine, and dress accordingly (easy if you have curves in all the right places)

- Do not be crass or loud (Ahem. Ahem)

- Never overindulge (Well… a bit rich coming from her, given I found her overdosed on those stress pills only a couple of months ago. We all have our indulgences! That being said, a drunken slutty girl is never attractive so her point is true nonetheless)

- Constantly work on yourself. You can never be too intelligent, too talented, or too beautiful. Any man who feels threatened by a talented and intelligent woman is not worth your time. (WELL! Highly doubt I'll find myself in THAT situation! The constantly working on one's self, however, is a very good point.)

When can one just relax and give up with all the self-improvement? I'm tired! Can't I just live and enjoy my life obliviously?

Well… I guess I can, but I suppose the pay off is that I won't have perfected myself to 'the best I can be'. Hmm. Not sure if I want to be exactly like Helen Asteria, though. She's a bit too much of a perfectionist. I think if I was somewhere in between her and me, would be good. Hmm. Very interesting….

* * *

**November 17**

**Diary still missing**

**Weight: 10 st 1 (weight loss due to stress of missing diary)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (stress is possibly stunting my growth. V. bad)**

**Job: 1 (v. good)**

**Uni acceptance letters: 1 (Excellent!)**

**Smiling practise: 1 hour**

**.**

9am- Agh! Diary is still missing. Why has no one contacted me to let me know they have it? AGH AGH AGH. This is my worst nightmare.

.

9.10am- What on earth is going on with the Shirley/Julio situation? That Auror department seems a bit slack, if you ask me. Dad seemed v fed up when I saw him yesterday. Don't blame the poor man.

.

10am- Oooh! Excellent news! Just received an owl from the psych rooms asking if I can work full time! That will give me 100 galleons a week! Finally- a steady income again! Just as well, as need to pay rent soon. Will ask Miss M, when I next see her, for advice on being economical. She is so wise- like Dumbledore, without the beard. Hmmm… Dumbledore's beard…

.

11am- Just spent the last hour practicing my smile. Is it possible for it to have worsened? I look like a circus clown now! Help! I can't smile!

Bloody Sirius. His smile is amazing…

.

1pm- OH MY SWEET CIRCE! JUST GOT AN ACCEPTANCE LETTER FROM AUSTRALIA! THEY HAVE ACCEPTED ME INTO THEIR JOURNALISM COURSE!

HOORAY! MY LIFE IS GOING SOMEWHERE!

.

4pm- Not feeling so happy anymore. Just after I opened my acceptance letter, Sirius came over to update me on the Shirley situation. Unfortunately, I was crying from happiness at the time.

'Hey. I just popped over to update you on Shirley… hey, are you okay? Have you been crying?'

I wiped my eyes quickly, and shook my head.

'No, no… don't worry about it. Come in.'

I let him in. He sat at the table, and his eyes fell on the acceptance letter.

'Wizarding University of Melbourne,' he said slowly.

He then looked up at me.

'You've applied to study in Australia?'

I bit my lip.

'I didn't really want to say anything until I found out for sure. They just accepted me.'

He looked at me. I've never seen him look that way- it was as though he was puzzled and sad all at once.

'But I don't understand. Why are you going to Australia? What's wrong with England?'

'The course here doesn't start until September next year,' I said. 'Also…'

I sighed.

'It's a long story.'

'I'm in no hurry,' he said, not sounding too happy.

I looked down at my hands and went through the same explanation I've tried to make everyone else understand. When I finished, he looked up at me with his beautiful grey eyes (they really are very beautiful), and said-

'If you think it's the right thing to do, then you should do it.'

I was surprised that he, unlike everyone else, wasn't telling me off about it.

'You're mature enough to know if it's the right thing for you. No one else can make that decision for you. That being said… it is a big decision, and I think you shouldn't make it too lightly.'

I think that was a fair enough comment. I agreed with him, and then asked him about Shirley. Apparently they're closing in, but want me to keep silent on the matter still… and, uselessly, can't tell me anything about it yet 'for my safety'.

I hope they resolve this matter soon, because I certainly can't go to Australia before it's resolved!

.

9pm- Hmph. Told Lily and Mary I got accepted. Thankfully, they didn't get angry at me. Lily did say something that bugged me, though-

'What about Sirius?'

I found it strange that Lily would ever suggest I give up an opportunity for a guy. It's not her style. So, naturally, I was a bit confused.

'What do you mean?'

'Well… you two are so close, and you seem to be really mending things up, lately. Don't you think it might be a little silly to throw away the possibility that you two will end up together simply to 'get away' from England? If you were to be accepted into a course here in the UK, might you consider it?'

I sighed.

'I can't stay here on the odd chance that Sirius and I might work out,' I said seriously. 'Maybe, before I was with Daniel and all that, I might have stayed… but if Sirius and I couldn't work things out the first time round, maybe that's a sign?'

Lily rolled her eyes.

'Sometimes, Anna, you overanalyse your life. Life really isn't as difficult as you make it out to be. I'm not telling you what to do- I just think you need to consider whether you're perhaps unnecessarily complicating things in you life for the dream of a 'clean slate'.'

I said nothing to this, and she patted my shoulder and got up.

'I've got to go study now. I just don't think you should accept the offer too quickly. I understand you're eager to get some real direction in your life, but sometimes it's better to take longer to get on the right track, than to go a long way down the wrong track. Have a think about it.'

Gah. Why is she so cryptic?

How does she know that Australia is the 'wrong track'? She doesn't- she was pretty rubbish at divination, anyway.

Speaking of… Remember when I was hailed as a Seer? Hah. I had totally forgotten about that rubbish. Dear me… this has been an eventful year…

WHERE IS MY DIARY! Am still very worried about its whereabouts. Wish I had Seer-like abilities to know its whereabouts.

* * *

**Nov 21**

**FINALLY have diary back!**

**Weight: 10 st 2 (bad)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: Who knows? Have been stress-eating.**

**Julio: Missing**

**.**

1pm- ARGH! Am SO angry! This morning I received a note from Helen Asteria asking me to come into her office to go over the article, and collect my cheque.

I went in, and it was all fine. I actually didn't really care what was written, seeing as it was all de-identified anyway.

She gave me the cheque. Just as I was about to leave, she hesitated, and reached into her desk drawer and pulled out my journal.

'You left this, last time you were here,' she said cautiously.

I felt so relieved!

'Thank Merlin!' I gushed. 'I was going out of my mind wondering who had it. Why didn't you send me a note to let me know?'

Helen Asteria placed her fingers together in a way that reminded me a bit of Dumbledore.

'Anna, I have a proposal for you.'

I sat back down, becoming quite suspicious.

'I know it wasn't right of me, but I read a bit of your diary- and it's fantastic. If you're interested, I would love for the Quibbler to publish it all over next year- an entry a day. You would make some serious money from it… might even fund your University expenses for Australia?'

I sat there, aghast.

'You _read_ my diary?' I whispered, absolutely livid.

'I'm sorry,' she said quickly. 'But I'm a journalist. It's kind of what I do…'

I stood up, furious.

'I thought we got along well,' I said angrily. 'I kept all your secrets to myself. You may be a journalist, but you should have enough decency to know when it's inappropriate to do something like that to a friend.'

Helen Asteria flinched a little.

'You're right- I'm sorry. The thing is, I can't unread it. Just think about publishing it. We can de-identify everything…'

'My life is not a funny fictious novel!' I almost-shouted. 'It's my _life_! This is exactly why I want to leave for Australia! So I can get away from everyone and have a fresh start!'

I gathered my stuff and went to leave, but then paused-

'Oh, and prying is _really_ unattractive. You should've put _that_ in your article,' I snapped.

With that, I stormed out of her office. I can't believe she read it. I thought she was better than that!

Anyway, why would anyone want to read about all the stupid things I've done, this year?

I'm going for a walk to clear my head. Too angry to stay in the apartment, alone.

.

7pm- Agh. This is just getting ridiculous. Was walking through the park when I ran into Sirius, who was jogging with James and a few of their Auror classmates. As he stopped to speak to me, an owl from my mother found me, and dropped a note which read-

_Anna, Julio is missing. Come at once. _

.

Sirius said he'd come with me, so we apparated to Mother's mansion. She was hysterical. She had contacted the Auror department but they said that, given he had only been missing since the morning, they couldn't do anything about it. Also, he'd packed his clothes so they felt that it was more a private domestic issue rather than something that required investigating (especially seeing as they'd apparently had a fight the night before).

Sirius mentioned to me vaguely that they think Julio is in cahoots with Shirley, and tat his recent disappearance may be due to his realising that the authorities are 'onto him'. Unfortunately, as Sirius is the student assigned to the 'Shirley Case,' he couldn't stay with me, but left with the Aurors.

I've just come home after spending an afternoon trying to console mother. She didn't really say anything, but kept bursting into tears and pretending to faint. If I wasn't so fed up with all the drama in my life, I'd probably have found it funny.

I wrote to Jamie (at mother's request), and he's managed to take some time off again so he can help me look after our parents. Gah.

I think I'll bake some biscuits and bring them over to Miss M. Both Lily and Mary have dates with their boyfriends tonight, so I may as well visit Miss M and see how she's doing. I have a few things I need to get off my chest, anyway.

.

9pm- Miss M is wonderful. I went to her and asked why my life is so dramatic and why I can't be normal-

'Normal? Hah!' she said. 'Why do you want to be normal? You've got excitement in your life! It gives you character and charm!'

'I hardly think I'm charming,' I said sullenly.

'Of course you are,' she said.

She started coughing quite violently, and asked for a glass of water. I'm a bit worried. She was coughing all through my visit. She said it's just a cold and it'll pass. I hope she's right.

'What were we saying? Oh yes- the drama in your life.'

She took another sip of water.

'Well, Anna, you make your own drama half the time, and then have other people affecting you with their drama- people like your mother.'

'Yes, but I'm sick of it. I just want to be normal!'

'What's normal, Anna? Your life is exciting. You're angry that your friend read your diary- and that's understandable- but the fact she wants to publish it shows you have a fascinating life. No, it might not be practical or easy, but it certainly provides excitement and makes you far more interesting than most of the other boring old 'Plain Janes' out there. I get the feeling that you've spent a lot of your life trying to fight this drama in your life. Instead of begrudging it- accept and embrace it!'

I sipped my tea and mulled over her words for a short while.

'Have you ever been married?'

I've wanted to know the answer to this for a long time, but never felt it was appropriate. I still don't know if it was necessarily appropriate of me to ask- but I felt I knew Miss M well enough to ask without offending.

She shook her head.

'No, I have not. I had one love in my life- once.'

'What happened?'

She looked at me sadly.

'I was an Auror, my dear. What do you think happened? He died.'

I stared at her, shocked.

'He died?'

She nodded.

'Was he an Auror too?'

She shook her head and stared at the fireplace for a short while.

'No… he was the criminal I was supposed to be arresting.'

'A criminal!' I exclaimed. I was so surprised. Miss M has always seemed to be a bit of a 'Miss Morality'.

She smiled wryly.

'What? You've never heard the saying that good girls fall for bad boys? Well, I'm afraid I fell for that stereotype.'

I stared at her, still stunned, and she laughed.

'He was Russian- typical, I know. He was wanted for being the right-hand man of the leader of an infamous crime group.'

'Like the mafia?'

'Yes,' she said. 'A Russian version of the mafia, you could say.'

'How did you fall in love?'

She looked down at her hands.

'It was my assignment to bring him back to HQ alive. I spent weeks tracking him, to find the perfect opportunity. Unfortunately, that meant I'd spent a good while learning all about him, and watching him. He seemed different to all the other criminals I knew.'

'How?'

'When he went home, he would read. I remember being so impressed that someone in such an organisation would have intelligence enough to read. He wouldn't go out to clubs and associate with prostitutes, or bring them home. He seemed different. Later, I learned he was the Boss's nephew- pursuing a different career was never an option.'

She paused, and smiled a little as she remembered.

'The day I decided to try capturing him, he had gone to a forest. When he realised I was following him, I chased him into a nearby cave. Unfortunately, our duelling led to our being caved in.'

I smiled.

'So you two were stuck in an enclosed area? I'm pretty sure I've read this exact story in several Mills & Boon novels.'

She laughed.

'Yes, I won't ever profess our story to be the most original… but it is still our story, nonetheless.'

'So what happened?'

'We were stuck, and no magic would shift the rocks. We had to work together to find another way out. It was then, that I realised he was far more human than my 'case profile' had shown him to be- and perhaps he too realised I was a person, rather than an agent.'

'We were stuck in that cave for several days until we managed to find a tunnel that lead us out. We didn't know if we would survive. I was younger and rather pretty, and he was irresistibly charming- but genuinely so. I think you're clever enough to know what happened.'

I smiled, and she continued.

'When we got out, he offered for me to take him in without a struggle. It was then, that I made my first crucial mistake- I let him go. Before he left, he told me he would find a way out of his life in the gang, and find me.'

She sighed.

'Unfortunately, the gang also new I was following them. I went back to my hotel room to pack, and they captured me and took me hostage.'

She paused. The memories seemed painful.

'I'll never forget his face, when he saw me, tied up to the chair. His uncle came into the room, handed him a wand, and ordered him to kill me.'

She had another coughing fit, and I brought her more water.

'Silly cold,' she said, laughing sadly.

'What happened?' I asked.

'At first, he tried to stall them by suggesting they could request a ransom for me. He knew it was futile, because that's not the way they work. Those gangs work by 'sending messages', which is what his uncle wanted. I am sure he knew that Dmitry- his name was Dmitry- and I loved each other.'

'Dmitry took the wand and I told him I understood. He smiled at me and said- very quietly, so only I could hear- 'I love you. Please don't forget."

She closed her eyes and paused for a moment.

'Instead of killing me, he sent an 'unbinding' curse at me, and threw the wand at me, shouting 'run'.'

She winced.

'And I did. I ran. I didn't stop to think that his betrayal would cost him his life- that he had given me his wand, and was hence left defenceless himself. I thought they might protect their own… or I don't know! I realised how stupid I was for running only after, when I returned to London to HQ, and heard the news that his body had been found in that same forest I first met him in.'

She brought out a tissue and dabbed her eyes.

'I'm so sorry,' I whispered. It was the most tragic story I'd ever heard.

She looked down at her hands.

'And so I have never married since, because I have always known I would never find anyone who could come close to Dmitry. Anna, there are a lot of cowardly men out there- men who leave their wives for young tarts, men who won't support the girlfriend they impregnated, men who will leave their sick and dying partner... It is very rare that to find a man who loves you enough to sacrifice all, to save you. The thing is, Anna- that is what true love is and, if you find it, you should never, ever let it go.'

I thought of Sirius, and I knew that he would sacrifice himself for all those he loved- and that he would never be the type of person to ever leave me when I needed him. I mean, he didn't even leave me in Jamaica, even after he'd just heard I'd kissed another man!

'But what if that love isn't working out?' I asked.

'Well you make it work,' she said firmly. 'Because jobs, careers- you can find them anywhere. That person, however, isn't everywhere. He's unique, and you don't let that go.'

I feel so terrible for Miss M- and now I'm even more scared for Sirius being an Auror. I don't ever want him to meet one of those Russian crime bosses.

I wonder if Miss M got her revenge? Hm, want to ask… Might ask her next time. I don't want to upset her, though. She seemed very reserved after she told me about Dmitry.

* * *

**November 28**

**Weight: 10 st (good- caring for mother is a very challenging job)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Helen Asteria: Better, now that she's going to make me rich.**

**.**

9am- Agh. I know I haven't written in a week, but I started my new job on Monday, and had to go visit mum every night after work to try placating her hysteria.

She's ridiculous. I honestly think she's glad Julio's packed up shop, because she has an excuse to play 'damsel in distress' and to order me around. Ugh.

Anyway, today is FINALLY Saturday, so I have the day off. Have thought a lot about Helen Asteria's proposal over the past week, and I've decided that- so long as everyone is de-identified, publishing the diary might not be such a bad thing. After all, going to Australia will probably be quite expensive and, if I can have a steady income through a diary that has already been written, then I can focus more on my studies, than work (which may be where I went wrong, with my Ask Anna column).

Am going to visit Helen Asteria now, and see what sort of money she's offering.

.

11am- It's all set! I've signed a contact of 60 galleons per entry! She seems to think it will be hugely popular! I'm so excited! Must invite the group over to celebrate.

.

1pm- Everyone is coming over later tonight. Have made Miss M's famous lemon meringue pie to celebrate. Might take her the little second one I made, now, and give her the good news.

.

11pm- I have to write, because I can't lie down and sleep, but I can't be with anyone either…

I went to Miss Maple's and there was no answer. I went round the back, and found her sitting in her sun chair, on the back porch. At first I just thought she had dozed off... but she hadn't.

I flooed St Mungos. They came, but said there was nothing they could do. I can't believe it. I went to the hospital where they kept her for the autopsy, and some middle-aged man who said he was her nephew came to 'identify' her.

Why did he never visit her when she was alive? I'm so angry, and upset and…

I'm going out for a walk. I don't care if it's late.

Coming home was terrible. Everyone was ready, with champagne and streamers, and I just walked through the door and burst into tears.

Agh. I'm leaving.

* * *

**I was so sad to kill Miss Maple off, because I was quite enjoying writing her character :(**

**Next chapter-**

'I think I'll miss you most. I hope you know that- despite all my stupidity in the past, and all- I am so thankful for having you as a friend, and all you've done for me. You are honestly the best person I know.'

**Only a few chapters yet, so please do review- because my Story Alert/Hit number certainly doesn't correlate with my review count as of late!**

**Love,**

**Anya**

**P.S. There are reduced prices on shipping for Stained Glass. Do check them out! Link is on my profile :)**


	41. Chapter 41: December 1 to 14

**December 1**

**No counting today, in honour of Miss Maple.**

* * *

**11pm-** Today was Miss Maple's funeral. It was really horrible. Sirius came with me and I'm glad he did, because I needed someone there. He was really good. He didn't make me say anything- he was just there, which is what I needed.

I was really surprised that so many people turned up. She must have helped a lot of people during her life.

It's so unfair that Dmitry died. She was such a good person- she deserved to know love, and have the whole thing of happy families, with children and all. I hope that now, wherever she is, she's at least with him. That's a nicer thought.

After I came home, Miss Maple's lawyer dropped by with a letter, and a few items. I still can't believe she put me in her will at all.

Because my eyes were all puffy, I got Sirius to read the letter to me. It was possibly one of the nicest letters I've ever received, and I will forever treasure it-

_._

_Dear Anna,_

_I know I have only known you for a short time but, at my age, that is all I need, to know whether someone is a good or not._

_Despite all the flaws you think you have, you are good. Never forget that. And, no matter what life throws at you, always strive to retain that innate goodness of yours. _

_Since retiring from my life as an Auror, I have looked after many people in the protection program. Of all these people, you were the only one who continued to visit. You were the only one to care about me, and to be a true friend. I am glad I found one true friend, before the end. I hope it is not presumptuous of me, but I consider you the granddaughter/daughter I never had. For that, I thank you._

_Do not be sad at my passing. I have lived a long life and can only hope that I will see my Dmitry in the next. I truly am ready to move on._

_I am so proud of how far you have come since I first met you. Know that you are __always__ capable and clever enough to do whatever you want- so long a you believe in yourself, commit, and have determination._

_I long ago bequeathed all my life savings to charity. Please accept a few small, but precious items of mine, and look after them well._

_First, I bequeath what I call my 'pearls of wisdom'- my pearl earrings and necklace. A lady should always have a good set of pearls._

_Second, I bequeath my beloved book of recipes. You have become quite the baker since I met you, and I hope these recipes will only expand your cooking repertoire- and hopefully, one day, even help you cook your way to your man's heart!_

_I am not one for big farewells. Thus, I wish you all the best for a happy and fruitful life._

_With love,_

_Agatha Maple._

_._

By the time Sirius finished that letter, I was sobbing again. He held me for what seemed like forever, until I fell asleep from exhaustion, probably.

When I woke up, I was in my bed and he had gone- but Mary and Lily were home. They helped me bake an apple pie from Miss Maple's book and we sat around the table and ate it. I felt I had to bake something in her memory.

I'm tired again. It's been an exhausting day. I wish she were still here. It's funny how someone, who I knew for such a short period of time, had such an impact on my life.

* * *

**December 2**

**Weight: 10 st 4 (grief-eating)**

**Height: 5ft 5**

**Calories: 2500**

**Work: Ok.**

**Decisions re Australia: 0 (bad)**

**.**

11am- Work.

It's been so hard to focus today. I still feel a bit drowsy from yesterday. Crying a lot is exhausting…

But I think Miss Maple would have wanted me to get on with life. She was the sort of woman who had the 'just get on with it' sort of attitude. She would have thought my taking time off to be a cop out, and indulgent.

Thankfully, there's not all that much for me to do around the office, other than settling accounts, answering owl messages, tidying up, and doing a bit of filing. It's not terribly intellectual. Actually, it's _much _easier than working at Coins. If there's one thing that stint taught me, it's that I never want to work in hospitality, ever again!

I've been thinking a lot about Australia lately. I wish I had asked Miss Maple about it. I wish she were still here so I could ask for her opinion.

.

1pm- Right. Am going to do a Pros & Cons re: Australia

PROS:

Clean slate/fresh start

Start immediately next year (i.e. don't need to wait until next September)

No distractions (i.e. friends)

Apparently, it's a good course

I will be 'foreign' and hence more attractive to everyone.

Everyone will be foreign, and hence be more attractive to me.

.

CONS:

Will have to leave everyone here, including Sirius

Will be in a foreign land (that produced a psycho like Rob)

Will be in the land of convicts (not good, with my track record)

Will be more expensive

.

So far, the Pros outweigh the Cons… but the Con of leaving everyone seems so horrible.

I'm still undecided. I have until January to decide officially… but I need to start sorting things out (i.e. accommodation etc) soon, if I'm to leave.

Hmm.

.

8pm- I'm going. I've decided. It will be an excellent and door-opening experience for me.

Also, it's not that difficult to take a portkey back to London. Will start looking for accommodation tomorrow.

* * *

**December 4**

**Weight: 10 st 3 (eugh)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Mother: Crazy**

**Updates on Shirley: None (getting frustrating now)**

.

7pm- I don't know why I even bother visiting mum. When I arrived, her elf showed me to mum's bedroom, where she was in a full dressing gown, complete with an entire box's worth of tissues strewn over her bed.

'Oh Anna!' she cried. 'Never fall in love! Losing the one you love is too painful. Have you heard any news of Julio? For all I know, he's been held captive! Oh Julio, Julio, wherefore art thou Julio?'

I rolled my eyes at her theatrics, and decided enough was enough- she should know about my suspicions regarding Julio and Shirley.

Unfortunately, it just made her worse. She started shrieking at me and told me to 'get out' if I was just going to insult the memory of her missing husband.

Agh. She's unbelievable.

Poor dad is still stuck in St Mungo's, in isolation. Apparently he's been getting a bit stroppy with the staff too- they always seem very flustered when they leave his room. Don't blame him, poor thing. I'd be pissed off too, if I had to stay in isolation for so long. Wish I could see him and talk to him. I miss Dad.

.

10pm- Sirius visited me tonight. He said he wanted to check I was ok- after the funeral and all.

We went for a walk through the nearby park. I told him I've decided to accept Australia.

'So you're definitely going, then?' he sighed.

We came to a park bench and sat down.

'Yeah,' I said. 'I think it's the right thing.'

He nodded slowly.

'You know I'll miss you,' he said, his lips twitching a little.

I shook my head.

'I'm going to miss you so much. I'll miss everyone, but…'

I blushed.

'I think I'll miss you most. I hope you know that- despite all my stupidity in the past, and all- I am so thankful for having you as a friend, and all you've done for me. You are honestly the best person I know.'

He looked at his hands.

'It's never going to be 'us', is it?' he said quietly.

I sighed.

'I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea if I'm off in Australia.'

He nodded, and we sat in silence for a while. Then, Sirius started laughing.

'What?' I exclaimed.

'I just remembered your waxing debacle. Ah, we've had some fun times, Jones.'

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help laughing.

'Yes, mostly at my expense. And don't talk like that- we're still going to be friends, aren't we?'

He looked up at me and it was then that I knew that of course I still had a huge crush on him, because my heart fluttered.

'Of course,' he said seriously.

I frowned.

'What?'

'Yeah… I'm going to have a hard time without you there to wax my bits when it all goes wrong- or to confiscate my Mills & Boon novels…'

We started laughing.

'I still have that one I bought you the other week, if you want it.'

'Of course!' I exclaimed. 'Bring it next time I see you.'

And then it became a bit strained. We've never regained that 'ease' we had before we tried dating and, I think, now that I'm leaving… it seems like it'd be easier if we don't get all that close again, because it might ease the separation.

Now I'm starting to question whether this is right- but what I said to Lily was right, too. If Sirius and I couldn't work it out over this year, then I don't think my staying would make any difference… right?

* * *

**December 5**

**Shirley: Crazy black widow murderess status- confirmed.**

.

11pm- The drama certainly does carry on in my life! Thankfully, this seems to have been the 'dramatic event to end all other events,' so all should be smooth sailing from here on. Hah. I wish.

This morning, I was having my breakfast before work, when our front door burst open. In staggered Shirley, with a mad look in her eyes.

I was so shocked, that I froze.

'YOU!' she screeched. 'How did you find out? HOW?'

She moved her wand. In an instant, Mary tackled Shirley to the ground, and Lily sent a body-binding hex at her.

Minutes later, the apartment was filled with Aurors- which, of course, meant that Sirius was there too….

'Are you alright?' Sirius said, handing me a cup of tea.

I nodded weakly.

'Can you tell me something?' I asked.

'Sure.'

'Tell me the crime rate in Australia is lower than it is here. And please tell me I won't attract it as much as I seem to, here!'

He chuckled.

'I don't know about that. It's the land we send all our convicts to…'

I groaned and he patted my shoulder.

'Well at least we now have the final proof that Shirley is what you always suspected her to be.'-

Apparently Shirley is known as 'The Black Widow', and Julio is her lover. She has married and killed her 20 previous husbands for their money- with Julio being the 'other man' who seduces their wives into divorcing them.

Can you believe it! I ALWAYS KNEW SOMETHING WAS OFF!

Maybe I am a Seer after all. Hmm.

Thankfully, dad is _finally_ out of hospital. Both he and mum were pretty shocked when they were told the truth. Mum broke down, and then- ironically- dad started comforting her. Then, mum said she just 'wanted to go back to their home'…. And he took her home with him!

Hm! I wonder if they'll get back together? While they're both as silly as the other for being fooled by Shirley and Julio, I feel it would be a very welcome bit of positive news, at this time of the year!

* * *

**December 9**

**.**

3pm- My parents are ridiculous. I went home today, and they were all cuddly and kissy with each other over their breakfast- as though the entire divorce and other weddings never happened.

When I mentioned this to them, my mother said-

'Oh pooh pooh, darling, we always loved each other! It's just that we're at a certain age where we need a bit more excitement. Now that we've had our fair share of it, we're quite content to go back to our marriage.'

I looked to my dad, incredulous, but the fool was so smitten with my mother that he barely even noticed.

AGH. She truly is a sex goddess extraordinaire, as much as it pains me to write that.

THEN, mother proceeded to scold me for not telling her that Jamie is gay, and that I 'really ought to talk him out of it,' because it's 'such a shame that such a handsome and eligible boy should end up being a poof.'

Unbelievable. I think I'm going to go have a drink. Will invite Mary and Lily to join me. They saved my life today. Quite amazing.

.

3.30pm- Alcoholish lovel.y. Whee! Whersih Siriush? Want to see hims.

* * *

**December 10**

Weight: 10 st 4 (ouch!)

Height: 5 ft 5

Calories: 3000 + (BAD!)

Alcohol units: 5 (terrible)

.

11am- Visited Miss M's grave for the first time, this morning. I brought her tulips, which she always said she liked. It's still really hard to accept that she's gone.

.

11.30am- Ooh! Just got a note from Jamie, asking if I can meet him for drinks tomorrow, so I can meet his boyfriend. Hehe! This is exciting!

.

12noon- Ah. Christmas music is always playing now. It makes me so sad I don't have a boyfriend. I always feel that Christmas and Valentine's Days are the only times of the year that I really wish I was in a relationship. It must be lovely to go do romantic Christmassy things with a boyfriend. Harrumph.

.

1pm- Note to self: Must buy Sirius a good Christmas present, for all he has done for me this year. What to get him? Maybe I'll ask James or Remus?

.

1.10pm- I really ought to think of something thoughtful myself, though, as is much more meaningful.

.

2pm- Maybe I'll go shopping now…

.

7pm- Agh. Have managed to get nothing… for anyone but myself. I bought myself a new Malkin eyeshadow palette, which I have since discovered is almost identical to my Artemis eyeshadow palette. Ugh. Would it be horrible of me to gift it to Mary? She is, after all, always borrowing my Artemis palette…

Will wait until I have a bit more money to buy everyone's presents. Ahh good! Lily and Mary are home. Will ask them for their opinions on Sirius's gift…

.

11pm- Ahh have mished alcohol! Ish very goods.

Mary thinks I should wrap myself up with a 'shag me' gift tag attached. Wish I could.

Lily said a broomstick. Boooring. Also, his broomshtick is very goood already. Haha Mary says I don't know that cos I didn't shag him. SAD!

.

1am- I JUST THOUGHT OF IT!

Am going to get him the COMPLETE collection of Mills & Boon novels. I think it costs about 150 galleons… but after everything he's done, that's not even enough.

V excited. He will love it… I hope.

* * *

**December 12**

**Weight: 10st 5 (ouch! Here come the Christmas Kilos.)**

**Height: 5ft 5**

**Calories: 4300 (I think)**

**Drinks: 10**

**Parents: Sickly**

**Weddings to attend on Dec 29: 2 (ugh)**

**.**

6pm- Ugh. Have to go to dinner with parents now. Don't want to. Had a busy day at work with everyone wanting an appointment before Christmas, and I'm just stressed in general. Agh.

And what to wear? Want to look good as am meeting Jamie's boyfriend…

* * *

**December 13**

**Weight: 10st 6 (BAD!)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2400 (better)**

**Drinks: 0 (never again)**

**.**

10am- Ugggh. Am NEVER drinking on a work night again. So groggy this morning. It's a struggle to even sit here and deal with patients.

Parents have gone from bad, to worse. Basically as soon as I sat down, mother started interrogating me-

'How's Sirius?'

'He's fine,' I said, very aware of what she was getting at.

'Are you seeing him?'

'Yes.'

'In what capacity?'

'In the 'friends' capacity.'

She slapped my arm.

'OW!'

'You silly girl! He's a very good boy for you and he likes you! I honestly can't see you finding anyone better, Anna. A girl in your position has to take what she can get, when she can'

I tried to drown her voice out. Soon enough, dad entered the room with eggnog.

'Here you go, my dear,' he said, handing me a glass.

'No! None for Anna! She must diet!'

'Diet!' I exclaimed. 'It's nearly Christmas! This is the _least appropriate_ time of year to diet!'

My dad sat next to mum, and they looked at me purposefully.

'Oh no,' I said, shaking my head. 'Whatever silly idea you two have… the answer is no.'

'We're getting re-married, Anna,' mother said importantly. 'And you're to be in photos, but not part of the bridal party.'

I became very indignant at this.

'And why not?' I exclaimed.

'No offence, dear,' Dad said (BETRAYER!), 'but you sort of ruined both our weddings when you were Maid of Honour.'

I glowered, feeling extremely ripped off- especially seeing as it was I who alerted the authorities about Shirley and saved them from ruin and probable death.

Did I mention that this wedding is to be held on the same day as Slughorn's? I'm not even going to comment again on how silly my life is. As Miss M said, I should just embrace the ridiculous amount of drama.

Anway. After I managed to escape parents, I met Jamie and his boyfriend, Tom, for drinks. As soon as I saw Tom, I hit Jamie.

'Ow! What was that for?'

'Jamie,' I said, feeling very depressed. 'Do you know how unfair it is to single girls like me, when I see you have such a fit boyfriend! Why are all the good ones gay!'

'Nice to meet you too,' Tom grinned, kissing my cheek.

Tom was absolutely hilarious. I think that was the first time I'd laughed so much in a long while. I'm so happy Jamie has such a wonderful boyfriend.

But now I'm just depressed, because I don't have that. They seemed so happy- so easy and confident with each other. I wish I had that…

Ugh. Feel so ill. I think I'll go straight to bed as soon as I get home. Also, just got period and it's a heavy one this time, so don't really feel like doing anything other than curling up with a hot water bottle.

* * *

**Dec 14**

**Weight: 10st 5 (better)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Calories: 2000 (decent)**

**Drinks: 2 (not bad, considering)**

**Period: Horrible. Want a hysterectomy.**

**Thoughts about Sirius: 2,764,349 (approx)**

**Despair at the fact he must be disgusted with me (infinite)**

**.**

1pm- Lunch break-

So I know I said I just wanted to go to bed after work, yesterday, but coming home to an empty apartment just felt horrible because I started thinking about Miss Maple, and then about Shirley and how it could have actually all ended with dad dying which is _not_ funny at all…

So I decided I'd check if Sirius had any plans. He said he didn't, so I went over (and brought some pizza and butterbeer, as Miss M always said it is rude to come to someone's place without anything for the host… even though it's only Sirius).

He smiled when he saw me-

'Pizza… thank Merlin. I'm starving! They worked us hard in our training session today.'

We went to his living room and sat on the floor in front of the fire. I was vaguely aware that I was probably not sitting in the best position given I had my period, but decided I should be okay, given I'd just changed both tampon and pad.

I had barely sat down by the time he'd devoured three whole slices of pizza.

'That's so unfair!' I cried.

He paused- momentarily.

'What?' he said, mouth full of pizza.

'I've spent the entire year counting calories- and you eat like a horse, and look fantastic!'

'You're a girl,' he said, reaching for his fourth slice. 'You're meant to be curvaceous, while I am meant to be lean and muscular.'

I looked dubiously at my pizza.

'If you're not going to eat that… I'll have it,' he said, going to take my pizza.

'Hey!' I snapped. 'I'm hungover and have had a long day at work! I'm having this piece and at least one more, thank you very much.'

He grinned.

'Tough day at the office? What's it like having a _real_ job for once?' he laughed.

I rolled my eyes.

'Makes me appreciate what I had at the DP, I'll tell you that,' I sighed. 'It's not hard work or anything… but it's just so mind-numbingly _boring!_ There's not much thought to it; I just sit there and go through the motions. Even though I'm not pleased with your becoming an Auror, at least it's exciting.'

Sirius shrugged.

'Being a journalist sounds like it'll be exciting too… once you work your way up the ranks.'

I nodded slowly, feeling a twist in my stomach as I remembered my decision about Australia.

'Hey… I've been meaning to ask… this diary of yours…'

I blushed.

'Am I in it?'

I began twirling my hair nervously.

'What? What did you write?' he exclaimed. 'Show me! I demand to see it!'

And then I suddenly realised that publishing my diary would be a _horrible_ idea! I can't have Sirius knowing just how creepily obsessed I've been with him!

'No!' I exclaimed.

He tried summoning it, and I laughed.

'Nice try. I left it at home.'

He glared at me, but then shrugged.

'It's okay. I'll read it when it comes out as a column, anyway.'

'It'll all be de-identified, so you won't know who you are,' I said weakly.

'Sure,' he snorted. 'I'm pretty sure you wrote about your waxing incident and how embarrassing it was and how 'oh my gosh, what must Sirius think of me!'…. I'll be in it,' he said cockily.

I sighed.

'I've suddenly decided not to publish it.'

'What have you written about me that is so bad!' he said, becoming indignant.

'Not bad about you, necessarily,' I said, blushing furiously. 'More like… embarrassing for me, for you to know.'

He raised an eyebrow suggestively and I covered my face with my hands. After I composed myself a little, I said, very stiffly, and keeping my eyes fixed on the floor-

'I sort of would appreciate the money the column will provide… so, if you value our friendship at all… could you please promise not to read it?'

I looked up at him hopefully, but then he burst out laughing, rolling on the floor and clutching at his stomach.

'I was being serious!' I exclaimed.

'No, I'm Sirius.'

'STOP USING YOUR NAME AS A PUN TO DEGRADE EVERY SERIOUS SITUATION!'

'Well I won't deny you're having a 'Sirius' situation,' he said suggestively. 'There's matter you don't want me to read in that diary, and I won't rest until I've read it!'

I punched his arm.

'Stop it! Please don't read it. Please?'

He screwed up his nose.

'Nope.'

'So you won't read it?' I said hopefully.

He laughed.

'No… I mean I won't 'not read' it. Double negative. In other words, I'll be so eager to read it that I'll wake up at 5am when the newspaper is delivered every morning, just to read your column as soon as it arrives.'

'Bastard,' I sighed. 'You're costing me a lot of money.'

'Come on,' he laughed, 'as if you're not going to publish it because of me, Jones. What could you possibly have written about me?'

I blushed, and he grinned.

'Did you gush about my superhuman looks?'

I moved away.

'I'm not discussing this.'

'Jones….'

'No comment.'

'You did! Of course you did.'

'Yes, and I also mentioned how you were unsure of your sexuality and, for a short while, genuinely thought you were gay. I also provided supportive evidence of this by writing about your obsession with Mills & Boon novels… so, if you ever want to shag another girl again, you probably shouldn't go about boasting that you're one of the characters.'

Sirius shrugged easily.

'That stuff doesn't bother me. I'm comfortable with my sexuality and, as any girl who has shagged me will tell you- and you'd need to ask, because you, for some reason which remains a complete mystery to all of mankind, refused to shag me to find out for yourself- I'm certainly straight.'

I stared at him for a moment. It was the first time he'd ever mentioned my 'issues' since the 'break up'.

'Sorry… was that taking it too far?' he said quickly.

I shrugged it off.

'Please don't read it?'

'No can do.'

'Is there anything I can do to convince you?'

He grinned a little and my eyes widened.

'NO! Okay, I'm going to leave now before you say anything dirty…'

'No, don't leave…' he said quietly.

I bit my lip. I honestly had no reason for leaving early.

'You know nothing I read will change my opinion of you, Jones,' he said honestly. 'I get the feeling you've blurted it all out at some point or another, anyway.'

He had a point.

'I guess,' I grumbled.

'Don't ever nominate yourself as a Secret Keeper, Jones,' he added. 'You'd give them up straight away.'

'I know, I know,' I sighed. 'I'm the world's worst liar.'

'You may want to work on that if you're to be a journalist.'

I nodded.

'Are you really going?'

I sighed.

'We've been through this… yes, I am.'

He became quiet, and toyed with a pizza crust.

'Can I be honest? And don't feel this is an attempt to influence you or anything, because you should do what you need to do but…'

He trailed off, and threw the crust in the fire.

'I'm a bit lonely, Jones… Anna. I know this must make me sound completely uncool… but it's true. I've told you all this at some point or another, anyway, but I guess I just want you to know that you're important- if not to others, then to me.'

I looked at him, feeling on the verge of tears.

'And it's not just because I've fancied you, or because I had a mind to shag you once and, let's face it, still probably have at least a quarter of a mind to shag you…'

We both laughed and he looked at me earnestly (Note to self: remove all assumptions of how he was 'looking' at me before allowing anything to go to print).

'But you've always been 'here'. I guess I took that for granted- or just got used to it. Yes, you've pissed me off or done some things which, had anyone else done them, I'd probably never seen them again… but I think I've gotten to know you well enough to know that what that Miss Maple lady said was right- you're a good person. Whatever mistakes or blunders you make, you care and properly love those who are important to you. Nothing you do is ever done with ill intentions. I mean… even now- you're here.'

He sighed.

'Basically… I'm sure as hell going to miss that when you're off in Australia.'

He went to say more, but I interrupted.

'Stop.'

'What?'

'I'm going to start crying if you say any more,' I half-laughed, half-cried.

And then I hugged him really tightly, and he hugged me back. Then we pulled apart and things started to get serious because we started doing that eye-contact thing you do with someone you're about to kiss…

And then I shifted a tiny bit and froze, as I felt a massive gush of blood come out, seeping down thighs. If that sounds/is disgusting to read, it was a million times worse experiencing it. I can't remember ever experiencing such over-flow.

Maybe my vagina was hyper-excited at the concept of having any form of contact with Sirius. I don't know. All I know now, is that I never ever want to have a period, ever again.

'Oh no!' I cried.

Sirius moved back a little, startled.

'What? Okay, please don't freak out on me again. We're just friends…'

Thank Merlin we weren't sitting on his expensive Persian carpet.

'Sirius,' I said, through gritted teeth. 'Something's happened, and it's quite- actually, very- embarrassing, and I would really rather not have to tell you about it if you could just be cool about this and leave your living room for a few minutes.'

He stared at me.

'Anna… what's going on?'

I whimpered, becoming very aware of the blood seeping through my skirt.

'Please don't make me tell you. It's really horrible. I just need a minute. Please?'

He looked very confused.

'Jones… you're becoming strange again. What's going on? Just tell me. It can't be worse than having wax stuck all over your crotch- surely.'

'No, I'm pretty sure it's worse,' I said tensely. 'That was silly and funny. This is… look, can I just have a minute? PLEASE?'

He looked down, and his eyes widened.

'Oh Merlin, Jones, you're…'

I gasped as I saw I'd seeped through the front of my skirt too.

I let out a strangled scream.

'I'm so, so, sorry,' I gushed. 'I knew sitting on the floor was a bad idea. I… I thought I was protected enough. I don't know why this has happened.'

He looked at me dubiously.

'Are you sure you're okay? Are you supposed to bleed that much?'

I tugged at my hair, wishing I was anywhere but in that room, with Sirius.

'Look, it's fine. Can you just give me a moment to clean it all up? I'd rather not put you through watching this. I promise your floor will completely clean. I'm so sorry. I really am. This is disgusting. You must be repulsed…'

'Are you sure you don't want any help? Can I get you something? Spare change of clothes or something? I can wash your skirt…'

'NO!' I exclaimed. 'No! There is no way I'm having you deal with any of this.'

I think he finally realised I just wanted him out so I could try dealing with my shame.

As soon as he was out, I stood up and grimaced at just how far the stupid blood had spread. Thanks to Miss M, I've become rather decent at cleaning charms and, with a few flicks of my wand, his floor was clean.

I then waddled out of the living room and apologised profusely again.

'I'm so sorry. I'm going to leave now so I can clean myself up. I've cleaned your floor, at least… but I'm so sorry!'

'Jones, it's okay!' he said, bewildered. 'I have lived with a girl before, you know.'

'But it's just so horrible… your floor…'

'Are you sure you don't want to use my bathroom?'

'No! No, I can't soil any more of your house. I'm going now… sorry! I'm so sorry!'

With that, I disapparated, feeling really terrible and shit about myself. I also felt rather hostile to my uterus- and that feeling, truth be told, hasn't disappeared.

I went home, felt grossed out at how much blood had come out, and managed to spread itself everywhere, and got in the shower and dried to drown my sorrows- and briefly wondered if I could drown myself in the shower.

When I'd finally cleaned myself up and went to my bed, I found Sirius' owl at the window, with a block of Honeyduke's finest chocolate-

_You might be needing this…_

_S_

Gah. How can I ever face him again? He's probably so grossed out at the thought of me. Jamie used to freak out whenever I even mentioned periods. Maybe the concept of dealing with a menstruating woman was what convinced him to bat for the other team. Hmph.

* * *

**ARE YOU GLAD? Everyone's been bugging me for Sirius/Anna time, and you finally got some. Granted, it was ruined by Anna's unfortunate situation… but at least it's better than nothing, right? Perhaps Anna might disagree.**

**Next chapter-**

December 23: Hogwartsian Family Christmas Eve.

**That's right. Christmas is all around, and I have a feeling that some romance is on the cards…**

**REVIEW! Only 3 chapters left! Come on, you can do it!**

**x Anya**

SSPM (shameless self-promo moment): While you wait for the next update, do check out my official website and my novel, "Stained Glass".


	42. Chapter 42: December 14 to 19

**December 14**

**Weight: 10st 6 (should probably do myself a favour and stop weighing self til post-new year)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (no surprises there)**

**Calories: 2000 (not bad)**

**Drinks: 3 (fair)**

**Period: Still heavy, the bastard**

* * *

10am, work: Am still super disturbed about menstruating all over Sirius' floor. I can't believe he even bothered to send me chocolates. If I were him, I'd send a restraining order. Maybe he _does_ love me?

.

10.15am- Let's not kid ourselves. He doesn't.

.

10.20am- My period is such a bastard. I'm sure we would have snogged yesterday…. Gah. I'm going to be single on Christmas, yet again. So unfair. Am still very disappointed in myself for fucking up my chance with Sirius, the first time round… and then the second time round too….

.

10.30am- Just read over my entries from when we first tried going out. I suppose it wasn't completely my fault. Well, it was… mostly. But he forgot my birthday! It still annoys me. He better not forget it next year.

.

10.45am- Horrid thought just occurred to me- what if Sirius and the others forget about me, while I'm off in Australia? What if he gets a girlfriend and, by the time I come back for a visit, he's a Smug Couple with her and has no time for me? Or worse- she refuses to let him see me?

Ughhh. Having serious second thoughts about Australia now. It's such a big move, and I've barely organised anything.

Note to self: Organise EVERYTHING for shift to Australia.

.

10.50am- Perhaps a part of me is still in denial over the move? Also, what happened to Psychology, now that I'm in a reflective mood? I know I enjoy writing articles, but I still find people interesting and want to help them. Must look into whether I can take a Psychology subject while studying Journalism too. Not entirely sure how the Australian uni system works. Hmmm.

.

12.10pm- Merlin, can't wait for Australia. It's bloody freezing here! It's summer over there… must be strange, having a hot Christmas. I wonder how they celebrate? Surely must be strange to eat heart-warming Christmas foods like turkey, and plum pudding with custard, and mince pies, and drink mulled wine in a hot climate?

.

12.11pm- And eggnog. Would be a little off, really, drinking eggnog in hot weather. Ew.

.

12.13pm- On a positive… will hopefully return a bronzed sea goddess!

.

6pm- Well! That was a bit awkward! Just ran into Mark Darcie on the stairs up to the flat. He was with this pretty woman who I recognised from his DP department. I hesitated when I first saw him, but he was nice enough to stop and say hello-

'Anna,' he said, rather casually. 'How are you? All that trouble sorted out, I hope?'

I had to stop for a second. I've been in so much trouble this year, I wasn't sure what he was referring to!

'Oh, you mean with the cobra… yeah, they've caught him. I'm so sorry you were questioned over that.'

He shrugged and I glanced at the woman next to him.

'Oh sorry, how rude of me! Anna, this is my girlfriend- Natalie. Natalie, Anna.'

I smiled and shook her hand. She seems really sweet. She even told me she was sad my column was cancelled!

Anyway, I'm really happy for Mark. He's really a very nice guy. It's a pity I got all caught up with him at the wrong time. Perhaps, given the right circumstances, we could have been good together… until he realised I'm mad, that is…

But I'm happy he's with Natalie. They seem nice for each other.

Look at me, embracing the Christmas spirit of love. I shall be happy for everyone, and selfless. I have love in my life. Just because it's not necessarily romantic, I should still be grateful.

.

7pm- I've decided to fully embrace the Christmas spirit this year. I'm going to decorate the flat, and send out Christmas cards to all. After all, we're having our Group Christmas Eve on the 23rd, so I think would be nice to have at least a Christmas tree and a few decorations about the place.

.

7.10pm- Here is my list for Christmas cards:

Mum & Dad

Kopi the Elf (for cleaning our flat numerous times)

Jamie & bf

Lily

Mary

Mary's parents

Sirius

James

Remus

Peter

Slughorn

Helen Asteria

Minnie

Severus (should thank him for helping me overcome The Hippies)

Mark Darcie

Trish

Auror Dept (for helping me out- as well as rest of family)

General, to staff at work

Uncle Geoffrey & Aunt Una

Rob (I feel a bit bad about how it all turned out- I don't think he's actually a horrible person…)

.

I don't think I've left anyone out… have I?

Okay. I hope not. Must get writing! Have gone and bought some lovely Christmas cards. Look at me! So poised and graceful, sending out cards! Am v proud of self. Might have a drink to congratulate myself.

.

7.20pm- Or two.

.

7.30pm- Or three…. It is Christmas, after all!

.

8pm- Agh! What was that?

.

8.10pm- Jamily are having a massive fight! I'm not sure what about, yet.

What is WRONG with them? It's Christmas! They ought to be snuggling up with mulled wine on couch, listening to sugary Christmas carols, or out going to Christmas markets, hand in hand, or on an ice skating date….

BOO! I want a boyfriend to have romantic Christmas moments with!

.

8.20pm- I wonder if Sirius is busy? But I'm too scared to contact him. Esp as period is still gushing out with a vengeance. Hmph.

.

8.40pm- Am v. sad, and v single. Listening to Christmas carols, alone in room, is v sad.

.

9pm- Turns out the Jamily fight was over where to spend Christmas. They agreed on having half a day with Evans family, and half day with Potters. Honestly… Smug Couples have such non-problems. They should try having Singleton problems and see how much they like it.

Am still annoyed at being a Singleton at this very romantic time of year. I'm going to be a little radical and state that it is MUCH worse being single on Christmas, than on Valentine's.

.

9.10pm- I'm going to read a book called 'The Grinch That Stole Christmas.'

.

9.20pm- Oooooh The Grinch is so cute and sad and misunderstood! I love him. Would marry him, if he existed.

.

9.30pm- In Christmas spirit, have invited Severus over for our group Christmas. He is just like The Grinch. So cute!

.

9.50pm- Huh. He just rejected my request. Rude!

… But at least he thanked me for the Christmas card.

* * *

**December 16**

**Weight: 10st 8 (ughhhh)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 4,000 (not really… but feels like)**

**Drinks: 8 (approx)**

.

6pm- Yay! Hogwartsian family is coming over for pizza and drinks. Am v excited. Hopefully Sirius has forgiven me for period incident. Haven't really heard from him since, but perhaps is fair enough, as apparently Auror training has been hectic lately…

.

3am- Hate bing singlise. Want bf. Badly. Ughh.

* * *

**December 17**

**Weight: 10st 9 (bleh)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 3,000 (terrible)**

**Drinks: 4 (better)**

**.**

9am- Ugh. So hungover. Would rather _not_ be at work at the moment… but at least I barely have to do anything as a receptionist anyway.

.

10am- Ugh. They're playing Chistmas carols as background music in the waiting/reception area. Makes me depressed.

So they all came over last night. Sirius was late… and I think I must have been really obvious, because at one point, I thought I heard a knock on the door. When it was just a false alarm, and I went to rejoin the rest of the group, James told me to get over myself and 'just shag Sirius already.'

Hmph. I wish.

Anyway. When Sirius _finally _arrived I felt so much happier. It's so bad that my happiness is so dependent on seeing him. But I don't know how to fix it? It's just so much nicer when he's there- because there's a limit to how interested James or Remus are ever going to be in me and what I have to say, when their girlfriends are around.

Well that, and the fact I actually fancy Sirius. Oh Merlin I really do. I think I really accept that now…

The only problem is I'm leaving in a few weeks. Bollocks. It's probably for the best. I guess if I know there's no chance of seeing Sirius over in Australia, I'll be able to get over him much more easily than I would, staying here in England.

Hmph.

Anyway, he came over and there was no mention of my little indiscretion. He actually seemed tired.

After dinner, I went to clear away the plates… and he came with me to help me, insisting on levitating all the plates for me (such a gentleman!)

'How have you been?' I asked, suddenly becoming nervous, as we were alone in the kitchen area.

'Okay,' he sighed. 'Tired.'

I nodded.

'Yeah… it's that time of year.'

He glanced at me, and went to say something, but then stopped and rubbed his eyes.

'Sorry… I've just had a really full-on day.'

'You should probably get some rest, then,' I said, feeling the heat creeping up my neck. 'If you want a lie down, you can always use my bed.'

He smiled and shrugged.

'Nah, it's okay. I might leave in a bit.'

'Oh,' I said, feeling a little depressed. I knew everyone else would probably stay over.

'I have a half day on Thursday, though… so maybe if you're free, we can hang out?'

It's REALLY bad how happy that suggestion made me. I found it impossible to stop myself from grinning like an idiot as I said I would love to spend Thursday evening with him.

So… now I can't wait for tomorrow. He asked what I wanted to do… and I unashamedly asked if we could go ice-skating. He said we could.

I _will_ have my Christmas moment… even if it's not romantic.

.

11am- Would be so nice if it _was_ romantic, though. Sirius looked so sad and tired and sweet yesterday, it took all my self-restraint and composure not to hug him. I was so sad when he left, though, because everyone else was still there, nuzzling up with their other halves. I had to excuse myself to my bedroom after a while, because it was just too much. It's okay… at least I had my trusty old friend vodka to keep me company…

.

9pm- Oooh! So excited for ice skating tomorrow! I haven't been since I was little, but I don't remember it being especially hard, so should be okay… right?

.

9.10pm- Oooh Lily was just telling me about the time she went to Germany for Christmas with her family. Sounds so lovely. We have all decided to go to Nurnberg for their Christmas market as part of our Hogwartsian Christmas Eve!

* * *

**December 18**

**Weight: 10st 8**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2,300**

**Drinks: 3 (understandable…)**

**Career as a figure skater: Highly unlikely.**

**.**

5.40pm- Fuck! Got out late from work because the final patient was suicidal, so was v difficult as we had to wait for St Mungo's Paramedic team to get to the clinic and escort her to the hospital. Sirius is coming in 20 mins.

Right. Need to:

Get changed into appropriate, yet sexy outfit

Makeup, as current makeup is currently greasy and gross

Sort through postage, if have time.

.

6pm- Hurrah! Am ready and he is not here. Highly appreciate a man who isn't too punctual. Will just sort through mail. Ugh… bills…

.

3am- Too tired. Will recount tomorrow.

* * *

**December 19**

**Weight: 10st 8 (horrid)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2,100 **

**Drinks: 4**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 4,300,238 (approx)**

**.**

12.30pm- Lunch break.

Right. Last night-

So Sirius arrived just as I was opening a Christmas Card I'd received. I let him in, and quickly glanced at the card.

'Who's that from?' he said, peering over my shoulder.

It was from Rob-

.

_Dear Anna,_

_Thank you very much for your card. I'm glad that you forgive me for my very terrible actions towards you._

_I hope one day I can meet you and try and explain in full. I have started taking potions for my obsessive nature, and feel I am improving vastly._

_I wish you a very Merry Christmas, and very much look forward to seeing you in the New Year._

_Love,_

_Rob._

.

'Oh how sweet,' I said, smiling.

'I'm sorry,' said Sirius sharply. 'Is this the man that sent you that cobra?'

I sighed and placed the card on the mantelpiece.

'Yes, but I'm sure he didn't mean it.'

Sirius gaped at me.

'Excuse me?'

'He's on potions now! He had a problem! He really was very sweet otherwise, if a bit too obsessive.'

Sirius tugged at his hair.

'Anna… are you for real? And why was he writing about a card for?'

I blushed.

'I sent him a Christmas card. Christmas is a time for forgiveness… and I wanted to let him know that I am aware he is unwell, and that I forgive his actions towards me.'

Sirius stared at me for a moment, and then threw up his hands.

'I give up… I don't know why I'm surprised that you're forgiving the nutter. Did you send Shirley and Julio a card while you were at it?'

I glowered.

'No… they're just plain evil. Rob didn't mean it.'

'Let's just agree to disagree on that,' Sirius said lightly, looking at me as though I was mad. 'Are you ready to go?

I went and fetched my handbag, and we were off.

'Where's everyone else?

'Oh, probably out on dates or something. They've really upped their 'Smug Couple' game now that Christmas is approaching.'

'Hmm...'

'What?'

He glanced at me and shrugged.

'Let's just go. I still can't believe you sent that loony a card. Honestly, Anna, what are you going to do when you're alone in Australia?'

I glowered.

'I'll be alright.'

He raised an eyebrow.

'Well, I sincerely hope so… but I have to point out your track record here, in your home country, hasn't been too great,' he said, holding the door for me.

'Well,' I protested as we made our way down the stairs, 'I'll be more careful.'

He nodded.

'Okay… how?'

'What do you mean, 'how?''

'Well I'm not hearing any strategies on how you're going to improve your personal security.'

I rolled my eyes.

'This is boring.'

'Maybe, but I am genuinely a bit concerned for you.'

I looked at him and saw he meant it.

'Aww!'

'No!' he exclaimed. 'I'm not joking! You manage to land yourself in the most impossible and sometimes potentially terrible situations. I think I'll die of worry, over here!'

I became silent as I pondered the reality that I actually _am_ moving all the way to Australia very soon… and have organised nothing for the move (note to self: organise ASAP! Do NOT procrastinate any further!)

'Are you okay?'

I looked up and noticed he was watching me curiously.

'Yeah… can I tell you something?'

'Of course,' he grinned.

I shook my head.

'Promise you won't take it the wrong way and convince me to stay here… but I'm kind of freaked out about it.'

He nodded.

'I'd be surprised if you weren't. It's a big deal, moving halfway across the world.'

We walked in silence for a while.

'I haven't done anything about the move. I haven't organised _anything_. A part of me isn't sure it's still the right decision!'

Sirius remained silent.

'What,' I demanded. 'I can see you're thinking something- say it!'

He shook his head.

'You'll only get upset- or angry, which is worse.'

I sighed.

'You think I should stay.'

He looked at me and, for a moment, I really thought I must me mad for even considering moving away when I have the slightest chance of having something eventuate from our 'relationship.'

'Look, I've said everything to you already. It's your decision. You're not a child, you can decide for yourself… but I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and the more I think about your moving away, and your reasons for going, the more I think it's the absolute wrong decision.'

He paused and looked at me. I looked away quickly, and he sighed.

'Forget it. I don't want to fight with you if you're to leave anyway. I just had to say it. Now I've said it, I feel I've done my bit as your friend, and everything is now up to you.'

I felt miserable.

'I'm really confused though, Sirius,' I said. 'If I don't do this… then what do I do? I can't just potter around London until next September, when the uni year starts again!'

'You could work. I'm sure Helen could find you something at The Quibbler. You could write for local papers… Anna, if you look properly, I'm sure you could find something decent. You studied psychology first anyway, and you're working in a clinic. That's a start. Find another part time writing job, and you'll be set doing relevant things for your future until next September.'

I chewed my lip.

'I don't know.'

'Well luckily, you don't have to make a decision tonight,' he said easily, thankfully changing the subject. 'Do you want to skate first, or eat first?'

I opted for skating first. This may have been the wrong decision.

Sirius went and rented skates for us. When he returned, he was grinning.

'I'm glad you suggested this. It's been a while since I skated, but I used to love it!'

Panic suddenly gripped me as I noticed young kids whizzing across the ice.

'So you're… uh… good, then?'

He shrugged.

'No figure skater… but I'm not bad.'

'Of course you're good,' I muttered. 'You're good at everything!'

He laughed.

'Anna, is everything okay? You seem nervous. You _have_ been skating before, haven't you?'

I bit my lip.

'It's been quite a while. It's just occurred to me I'll probably be very rubbish.'

He chuckled.

'Okay, just hold onto me. I'll help you find your feet again.'

I couldn't help smiling at this. He held a hand out and helped me get up. It was hard enough just walking _to_ the rink in those bulky skates!

'Okay, now to begin just try 'stomping' on the ice. I'm holding onto you, so just lean on me if you lose your balance.'

Lean on him was a gross understatement. I was gripping on his arm for dear life.

'Crap! Why did I suggest this!' I moaned. 'Why didn't I just suggest we go eat? I'm good at eating!'

'Right… let's just concentrate on this. You can do it.'

'I don't think so,' I muttered, glaring at a 3 year old who zoomed past me gracefully. 'How come that kid can skate so well? I'm less balanced in flat shoes, on the ground!'

I started to lose my balance at this point. Embarrassingly, I'm so heavy that I brought us both down.

'I'm so sorry!' I apologised again and again, as he helped me up (which is much more difficult on slippery ice than one would think).

He laughed.

'It's fine. I'm surprised you lasted 5 minutes before bringing us down!'

He then proceeded to become my skating instructor. I was a bit miffed, actually, because he was kind of strict! At one point he said 'come on, Anna, concentrate! You can do this- focus!'

But, despite all this, he was an excellent teacher and, after an hour, I was able to tentatively skate around the entire rink without panicking.

Unfortunately, my feet were so sore by this point that I asked we take a break. I felt really bad as I realised he hadn't actually done much proper skating at all. A little girl asked if he would skate with her and I told him to go ahead.

It was so odd watching Sirius interacting with kids.

Firstly, he actually is really good at skating- and, at one point, even lifted her up! (HOW IS HE SO GOOD AT EVERYTHING?)

That aside, he just seemed so sweet and patient with that girl. It's odd, because I never thought of him as the 'fatherly' type, because he sort of tends to do his own thing a lot of the time- and isn't always a model of good behaviour and judgment… but, watching him with that girl made me realise that he'd probably be the most amazing dad, some day.

After a few minutes, he left her and joined me off the rink.

'Why are you looking at me like that?' he said as we returned our skates.

'Nothing… it was nice of you to take that girl skating.'

'Well,' he grinned. 'Anything for the ladies.'

I rolled my eyes and we went to one of the nearby pubs for food and beer.

'Thanks for teaching me,' I said sheepishly.

'It was fun. You weren't bad by the end, either!'

'What can I say- I had a great teacher.'

We sat in silence for a while.

'I can't believe it's Christmas already,' I sighed. 'I love Christmas… but I'm always disappointed on Christmas day.'

He nodded.

'I know what you mean. There's so much hype about it, and I think I always expect something spectacular to happen… and then Christmas comes and it always ends up being one of the most uneventful days of the year!'

I looked down at my beer.

'Do you have plans?'

'Yeah… just going to the Potters. Do you want to come? I'm sure they'd…'

I shook my head.

'Unfortunately, I have to attend my parents' Christmas Ball. If things get boring at the Potters by the evening, please feel free to show up. I'd be very grateful.'

He laughed.

'How are your parents doing?'

I rolled my eyes.

'Acting as though they never divorced in the first place. It's sickening.'

He laughed.

'Ah… well they must love each other in their own, very odd, way.'

'Yeah… well I hope that, should anyone ever dare to marry me some day, it won't be anything like their relationship. Boring and stable would suit me just fine.'

I blushed as I realised it still felt a bit strange talking about possible relationships to Sirius. There was a slight awkward silence, before Sirius cleared his throat.

'Anna, I think you should give up on that dream,' he said- jokingly, but it seemed a bit tense. 'You could never be 'boring', and aren't 'stable' even by yourself. You'd have to marry the most boring person on this planet to make you boring and stable.'

We had a moment of very awkward and uncomfortable eye contact where I'm pretty sure we were both thinking of our failed attempt at going out- and the fact we nearly snogged again the other day.

I don't think I've ever been more thankful to see James and Lily. Apparently they'd decided to take a 'romantic stroll through the Christmas stalls.' On spotting us, they thought they'd join us…

I didn't speak all that much with Sirius for the rest of the evening. Lily kept shooting me meaningful looks, which I ignored completely. After a while, the boys walked us home. Lily opened the apartment and James followed her in. I went in, kind of expecting Sirius to follow, but he hovered at the door.

'Do you want to come in?'

He hesitated, and I think I knew then that things would never be like they were back when we were just friends.

He glanced at his watch.

'You have to work tomorrow, so I might let you rest,' he said, a little awkwardly.

He paused, and looked in my eyes. I had to try my best to remain composed.

I looked down quickly.

'Oh ok… well thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun. It was… nice.'

And then I looked up at him, and he was still looking at me with that strange look. He went to say something again, but paused, and simply said-

'Night, Anna.'

And then he leant forward and I froze as he kissed me softly on the cheek before leaving.

I think I must've stood there, rooted to the spot, for a few minutes.

A part of me still wishes he'd snogged me senseless at that point… and yet, if he had, I know it probably would've left me feeling very confused.

I can't get involved with him like that, now that I'm leaving… can I?

But_ am_ I leaving? I can't get his words out of my head. Sirius isn't the kind to say something if he doesn't mean it. He seemed really adamant last night, though, that my moving to Australia is the wrong decision.

UGHHHH.

Oh well. Lunch break's over now. I'll think about it later.

.

8pm- Drinsh with girls. Will organise Asurrtralia tomorrowww.

* * *

**Firstly, I am so so sorry that this chapter took so long to upload! I was so busy on my Psychiatry rotation earlier in the semester, and now I have my own medical NEWTs coming up, that I have virtually no time outside of school, study, work, and a tiny bit of socialising, to write! But I hope the relative amount of Anna/Sirius time made up for the wait! **

**Next chapter-**

'_It was the most romantic night of my life. I'm afraid to say it anymore- I'm in love with Sirius. Completely. I can say with absolute confidence that it is the most wonderful and terrible thing I've ever experienced.'_

**There will probably be 2 or 3 more chapters to go. More likely 2, but I'm often over-ambitious as to how much I can pack in a chapter!**

**Please review!**

**Love, Anya**

**P.S. I'm aware I'm not going to be amazing at updating over the next month or so… so feel free to check out my book and other writing projects in the meantime! Links are on my profile page. **


	43. Chapter 43: December 20 to 24

**Dec 20**

**Weight: 10st 9 (blehhhhh I think I give up)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (note to self: accept height for what it is in new year)**

**Calories: 3,200,120 (feels like) **

**Drinks: 2 (angelic)**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 10,000,000 (v good)**

* * *

9am- Work

Okay, I need to get my head out of my arse and get a few things done today (non-negotiable!):

To do:

buy presents for Mary, Lily, Mum, Dad, Jamie… and little gifts for James, Remus and Peter. Nothing too extravagant for them, as am becoming poor again.

Organise Australia once and for all.

I'm still woefully undecided about Australia. Everyone is telling me I shouldn't go… gahh. I think I may actually go over to parents' tonight and ask for advice. I can't keep procrastinating. If I'm to go, I need to organise accommodation, finances… everything!

.

10am- Hmph. Just received a note from Helen Asteria to meet for lunch. Was planning on purchasing gifts during lunch break. Oh well…

.

1pm- Back from lunch.

Why am I being forced to make decisions today? I'm not feeling like committing to anything today- and yet I'm supposed to make several _huge _decisions? In the space of hours?

Too much, methinks.

Anyway. Helen Asteria wants me to commit once and for all to having my diary published… which would require my handing over the diary _tomorrow_ so they can start editing it for release on the new year.

I'm now feeling a bit uncomfortable about it. Yes, the money will be great, but it's my diary. I've written every single thought of mine in this book throughout the year and it's hugely personal! Even if most people reading it won't know my real name, I really don't know if I want anyone having access to my life and thoughts.

Okay, I'll come out with the truth- I don't want the group to read it. I know they will, and I can't stop that… but there's something horrible about their knowing the 'real me.' Especially Sirius.

I suppose that's why writers use pen names. Unfortunately, mine is useless as my group will already know it's me.

Bugger. Should never have told them about the publishing deal. No one reads The Quibbler anyway. They'd never have known.

Stupid me and my big mouth.

.

1.30pm- Maybe I'll toss a coin? Heads= publishing it, Tails= not

.

1.40pm- Hmph. Heads. Best of 3.

.

1.41pm- Tails. Don't want to toss again.

.

1.43pm- Would it be absolutely crazy and irresponsible to turn down so much money? An extra foot in the writing/journalism door? Gahhh

It's just that this diary is so bloody embarrassing!

.

1.45pm- Will also discuss diary issue with parents over dinner. Have until tomorrow morning to decide. I have a sneaking suspicion Helen Asteria will hate me if I decide to 'not publish'.

Well too bad. It's my life. I don't see HER spilling out all her little secrets to the world… and I suspect she has quite a few.

.

4.50pm- Right. As soon as am done with work will:

- Go shopping on way home

- Go home, change, groom self

- Go to parents.

Still can't believe parents are together again. Actually, what is more surreal is the whole divorce/re-marrying stints. Now they're back together, it's hard to believe they were ever separated, let alone divorced.

.

5.30pm- AGHHHHH

Ran into Rob while purchasing a slinky dressing gown for Mary (she walks around the house naked a bit too often post-shag. Hopefully dressing gown deal with this).

Anyway- Rob.

Was SOO shocked to see him! He hesitated, and then came over to me-

'Am I allowed to say hello, or will you report me?'

I blushed, not sure what exactly I should do.

'Uhh no it's okay,' I said nervously. 'How have you been?'

'Really good,' he said enthusiastically. 'I'm working on all my obsessive qualities and… oh wait, don't move… you've got an eyelash…'

Yep. Obviously the OCD has improved greatly… not.

Anyway. I excused myself, making some excuse about a dinner function.

'Oh,' he said looking disappointed. 'Do you need a date?'

'No!' I exclaimed. 'No… it's fine. I've already got one. Take care, Rob.'

And with that, I bolted. I know, the other day, I wanted to be all ethereal and forgiving, but actually seeing Rob right in front of me, knowing he sent that cobra to me, was actually quite scary.

Honestly, one can't trust _anyone_ anymore! Or at least not crazy Australians…

Fuck. Australia. Right. Will make a decision tonight, after advice from parentals.

Ughhh not sure I can handle mum tonight.

* * *

**Dec 21**

**Weight: 10 st 11 (whyyyy?)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 (hmph)**

**Calories: 1, 200 (better)**

**Drinks: 0 (what has the world come to?)**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 200 (better)**

**Decisions: 2 (v good)**

* * *

9am- Final day of work for the year! Yay! Actually, I don't mind work. All I do is sit at a desk, tidy up the waiting room, and deal with patients as they arrive and leave. It's a very easy job. Not sure why I subjected myself to hospitality prior to this. Hospitality is THE WORST- busy and thankless! People are actually polite to me here!

And the money is very good considering how little I actually do. Mmm. But I still miss my DP job.

Right. So, last night, mum thankfully had to leave for 'drinks with friends' after dinner, so I had a brandy with dad and picked his brains re: my several dilemmas-

'I've been meaning to discuss your Australia plans with you myself,' he said, as soon as I mentioned it.

'What do you think?' I said sadly. 'I don't know anymore.'

'Anna, I think that unless you are absolutely 100% set on it and sure it's the right move, then you shouldn't go. It's a big deal to pack up your life and move halfway across the world.'

I sighed.

'I know… but I feel it might be my chance to properly grow up, become independent and commit to something.'

He surveyed me.

'I know you think you need to grow up, Anna,' he said. 'But surely you must see how much you've grown up already, just this year?'

I frowned.

'Okay, I've learned how to cook and am slightly more mature I suppose- I have Miss M to thank for that…'

'No, not just that, Anna,' he said. 'I saw you while I was in hospital- you were there every day.'

'Of course!' I exclaimed. 'You're my dad!'

'Yes, and where was Jamie? Look, Anna, perhaps it's less obvious to you, but it's very clear to me that you have matured greatly over the year. No, you're not quite there yet- but you're not meant to be either! You're only 19. And look at your parents- we're in our 50's and still haven't got it right.'

I didn't know what to say about this.

'So cut yourself some slack and give yourself some time. You don't need to be perfect just yet. You have your whole life to work on 'maturing.' Stay here and keep going, because I think you're finally in a good place.'

I became a bit teary at this, so hugged dad and thanked him. I think I needed to hear it from him, because I've been feeling so silly about being kicked out of psychology and everything that followed for so long.

So at this point I think I may stay. I have until the New Year to send my reply. I guess my lack of packing was a pretty big sign anyway that I probably never wanted to leave.

Anyway, then I discussed the issue of this diary.

'You keep a diary?' he said, sounding surprised.

'Why?' I said haughtily. 'This is the first year I haven't had mum around to snoop and read it.'

He chuckled.

'Well I'm very impressed you've managed to keep it for the whole year. If that doesn't show commitment, I don't know what does!'

'Okay, let's calm down,' I laughed. 'It's just a diary…. Except I've written a lot of embarrassing things in it! Should I really be publishing it?'

He became thoughtful for a moment.

'What is your main motivation for having it published?'

'It's a huge amount of easy money!' I exclaimed.

'So it's not necessarily for the opportunities it might lead to?'

'Well I feel guilty about that, but not really because it'll be under a pen name anyway.'

'Don't do it then.'

'Really?' I said, surprised.

'No. If it's a question of money… it's not worth it. It's possibly a few steps away from selling your soul.'

'Very true,' I conceded.

'Anna, if you really need money, we can help you out. We're by no means poor.'

'I know,' I grumbled. 'But Jamie's doing well, and I can't help feeling it'd be a step in the right direction if I didn't require handouts from you guys periodically.'

He shrugged.

'You're a student. You work… if you need a little extra help, we're happy to give it and I don't think you should feel ashamed of that. I just feel that publishing your diary purely for the sake of financial gain is not a good enough reason. Perhaps, if we were poor I'd think differently. But we're not. You're in a position where you most certainly can refuse- and I think you should.'

He paused.

'And oftentimes, people think that they ought to be obliged to take 'the first offer,' because they think they won't get another. You've had several opportunities already. One ended unfortunately- your DP job- but this diary is by no means the 'clincher' for you. I have every confidence that if you apply yourself, you will find another offer in the future- one that won't require your divulging every little detail of your life. Don't settle for this, just because you're afraid nothing better will ever come your way.'

Anyway. So I'm about to write a letter to Helen Asteria explaining that I am no longer going to publish my diary. Hope she doesn't kill me. I mean, I still feel terrible for turning down _all that money_… but I think dad's right. Publishing this will cost my integrity too much and, let's face it, I don't have all that much as it is so I'd better try retaining what little I have left!

.

6pm- Aww my boss is so lovely! He gave be a box of Honeydukes' finest for Christmas, and said I have been an excellent employee and he looks forward to working with me next year.

V happy, v nice day. I feel I have made the right decisions re: Australia and diary.

.

8pm- Oooh Sirius and the boys are over. V good.

.

11pm- Hmph. Received a howler from Helen Asteria while group was over, screaming at me for 'leading her on' etc etc. I felt v bad, but still think it's the right decision. Sirius was v lovely. He was actually quite angry on my behalf, and left to go tell Helen off.

.

11.10pm- Oh no… he's probably going to end up shagging her. Fuck. V bad. They're both technically single now.

.

11.12pm- Fuck. Don't want Sirius to shag Helen Asteria. Or snog her. How can I compete with her crazy bitch sex goddess-ness?

Fuck. Worst Christmas ever.

.

11.13pm- He's here again! Must've been a very quick shag… or perhaps was just a long snog? Don't want to come out into living room and see his face when he tells me they're getting married tomorrow.

Because, let's face it, that is the most probable thing that will happen when I see him.

Maybe can just pretend have fallen asleep?

.

11.14pm- Or not. He's knocking on my door now. Fuck. Don't want to hear the horrible news of their upcoming nuptials.

* * *

**Dec 22**

**Weight: 10 st 10 (abominable)**

**Height: 5 ft 5 **

**Calories: 2,000**

**Drinks: Several (ok… Christmas)**

* * *

9am- V good of me to be up this early. I feel is hangover effect of work to not indulge in time-wasting sleep-in. Excellent. Am v proud of self.

Right, must dash as have a manicure appt with girls at 9.30am.

.

12 noon- Home.

Nails are lovely! Got a shimmery red colour, which I feel is v Christmassy and slightly sexy.

Okay- I feel I ought to write out what happened with Sirius last night. Turns out he isn't marrying Helen Asteria, though I still find it hard to believe he didn't shag or, at the very least, snog her-

'Anna, can I come in?'

'Sure,' I muttered, feeling v unsexy and miserable.

He opened the door tentatively and had that sort of scared look one has when they're afraid the other person is about to burst into tears.

'Are you okay? Listen, you shouldn't take her too seriously, she's…'

'I don't care about the diary thing,' I interrupted.

He looked very relieved- and a bit confused.

'You don't?'

I shrugged.

'No. I always knew she'd be angry- but, at the same time, I have every right to refuse.'

'Oh,' he said, looking very confused now. 'So why are you upset?'

I sighed.

'It's okay, just tell me. When's the date?'

'Huh?'

'Your wedding date?'

'Anna, you're not making any sense. Are you drunk?'

'No,' I said, becoming frustrated. 'When are you two tying the knot?'

'Anna, what the hell are you on about?'

'You and Helen!' I exclaimed. 'You went and saw her- you're both single…. The only natural outcome of such a meeting would be your proposing to her, and her accepting.'

His eyes widened as what I was going on about finally clicked in his mind. He shot me a sour look.

'Really, Anna? Really?'

I shot him back an equally sour look.

'Don't you take that patronising tone with me! We all know you two can't be trusted alone in a room with each other!'

He started laughing.

'Oh sure- laugh. Actually, I'd be laughing too if I were one half of the world's hottest couple…'

'Anna,' he said, catching his breath. 'Firstly, I feel compelled to inform you she has reconciled with her husband. They've been back together for a while, actually.'

'Means nothing to me. Divorce is very easy, these days.'

'And- more to the point- I have no desire whatsoever to re-enter a relationship with Helen- single or not.'

'Liar.'

'Would you like me to explain what happened?'

'If you feel it'll help,' I said miserably.

He rolled his eyes and flopped back on my bed. Honestly, I think he's a bit too comfortable in my room. He ought to ask if he can sit on my bed first! I don't just fling myself about _his _house…

Then again, after my period incident, I think he is entitled to do _whatever he wants_ anywhere in my place. Hmph.

Anyway-

'I went to her office, she wasn't there, and so I dropped by our ice cream place in Hogsmeade and bought a tub of their liquorice ice cream. If you feel up to ceasing your sulking, we could go out into your kitchen and have some right now. It's in the freezer.'

I squinted at him.

'Liar.'

He threw up his hands.

'I can't do anything nice for you, can I? You're the world's most suspicious person. You should see the psychologist you work for. I think you may have Paranoid Personality Disoder.'

I rolled my eyes, and then frowned.

'Why liquorice?'

He shrugged.

'Because it's the best flavour?'

I wrinkled my nose.

'No way. Have you tried their tiramisu ice cream? It's far superior.'

He sat up, and I grinned sheepishly.

'But the liquorice is pretty darn good too. Thank you.'

I went over and sat next to him.

'So…'

'So…'

We looked at each other, and then I succumbed to a fit of the giggles.

'Oh no, not this again,' he groaned. 'I thought we were past this.'

'Sorry, sorry,' I exclaimed.

'Let's talk about something serious for a moment. What's your decision regarding Australia?'

'Why?'

'Well I need to book a psychologist from now, if you're to leave. I'll be very distraught, you know.'

I bit my lip.

'I'm not publicly committing to an answer until the New Year. I may change my mind.'

He sighed.

'Any way I can help convince you to stay?' he said, raising an eyebrow _very _sexily.

I hopped off the bed. (YES, I KNOW. I'M STILL A CHICKEN AND FOR SOME INEXPLICABLE REASON FREAK OUT EACH TIME SNOGGING IS POTENTIALLY ON THE CARDS)

'How about you convince me over ice cream. I'm suddenly craving liquorice,' I breathed, flushing.

He looked at me silently for a moment and then followed me out, with a small smile.

'What is that?' I said suspiciously.

'What?' he said innocently.

'That smile…'

He laughed.

'Anna, you're going to have to work on your Paranoid Personality…'

'You don't fool me, Sirius Black. I saw that smile. It's the smile you get each time you've got a trick planned.'

He put an arm around my waist and hugged me to his side.

'Please stay,' he murmured, before quickly crossing to the other side of the room and serving out the ice cream out for everyone.

At this point, James Potter decided we should all play Wizarding Poker… which, eventually involved drinks. Mary initially suggested strip poker, but I protested against this idea quite vehemently because, at this indulgent time of year, no one should be subjected to my wobbly thighs.

Aiii Lily is telling me to help clean up apartment for our group 'Christmas Eve.' We're apparently having a traditional Christmas a group, tomorrow evening evening- at our place. Not sure why this is necessary, as we've only got Turkey and Ham and Christmas Pudding to look forward to for the next couple of days anyway…

Also, just saw entire group last night so not sure why she feels tomorrow will be 'special.'

.

2pm- Yayay! I was charged with the lovely task of shopping for alcohol and table decorations! Have bought several bottles of rum (good for eggnog), vodka and red wine.

.

2.20pm- Shhhhh! Mary and I opened a bottle of rum secretly. Lily not allowed to know!

.

5pm-Ahhh! Feel very sorry for last entry! Lily caught us swilling rum and got teary and asked why we didn't invite her and that, although she can be a supreme AB at times, that she doesn't like it that we leave her out from having fun- especially now at Christmas when is very excusable (in fact, 'encouraged') to get drunk.

We both apologised her, hugged her, and poured rum down her throat. Now we are all v giggly. Will just take a little nap…

.

11pm- Fuck! Just woke up now. Girls are also knocked out cold on my bed too. Aii. Will just have to set alarm early, tomorrow, to prepare for Christmas dinner.

* * *

**December 23**

**Too busy for figures today. Also feel is a wasted exercise as will inevitably be fatter- and probably shorter. Have not improved since yesterday in the slightest way, and hence feel is somewhat masochistic and self-loathing to continue to faithfully document failure at self-improvement.**

**.**

1pm-

To do:

Turkey: in oven already (v. good). Baste continuously- DO NOT FORGET.

Peel potatoes

Prepare salads

Set table

Shower

Pluck eyebrows

Clean room, make bed.

.

Okay, will just baste turkey and then go clean room. Feel this ought to be my first priority.

.

3pm- V. good. Turkey is well basted, potatoes are peeled, room is clean… might start working on the table. Feel v stressed though, as feel there is enormous pressure for table to look magnificent. Do not trust my table-setting abilities.

.

3.10pm- Having a nip of brandy to take the edge off the table-setting pressure. Ahhh! Mary is having a cleaning break. Will pick her brains…

.

5pm- Turkey is cooking nicely, potatoes are roasting, salads are ready, table is beautiful (many thanks to Mary!)…. We are v excited for proper group Christmas.

.

5.05pm- Grrr. Lily just rearranged the WHOLE table. Apparently I didn't set the cutlery in the correct order, and she wasn't a fan of my napkin-folding skills. WHY IS SHE SUCH A CONTROL FREAK?

.

5.06pm- Am a bit offended. I thought the table looked fine as it was. Can't she let me do ANYTHING? Grrr.

.

5.10pm- Will be kind and charitable and forgiving… will not be mad at Lily, as is not her fault she has Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. V. good.

.

5.15pm- Why hasn't Sirius just thrown me on the bed and shagged me yet? What is he afraid of? Harrumph.

.

6.20pm- Had shower. V. Good. They should arrive in 40 mins.

.

6.40pm- Omph. Am really v tubby. Might get out scary granny pants to hold stomach and thighs in under dress. Not as if anyone is going to see them…

.

3am- Aghhhhhhhh. V drunksh. Sirius will never forget pants. Aghhh.

* * *

**December 24- Christmas Eve**

**Figures are pointless. Will start diet again on Boxing Day.**

**.**

6pm- Oh goodness… last night! I also want to state, before I recount the events of last night, that I'm VERY SAD that I won't be seeing the group again until after New Years. Actually feeling a tad lonely… as apartment is empty as Mary and Lily have both just left for their respective parents' places.

But it's okay, as I have Sirius… Mmm. Or perhaps not. After knicker debacle, I don't know anymore. How much embarrassing stupidity can one forgive in another? Apparently Sirius is full of forgiveness.

On last night, Sirius himself was a bit late. No one knew where he was- not even Potter.

'The turkey's going to go cold,' Lily hinted, after we'd waited an hour already. 'You really can't remember Sirius saying he might be late?' she shot at James.

'Nope,' James shrugged.

Lily crossed her arms, becoming frustrated.

'Well he might've owled if he knew he was going to be late,' she snapped. 'It's a bit rude to make us wait, when we've planned the dinner to schedule.'

I sighed.

'Look, I'm sure Sirius has a good reason for being late. He's never perfectly punctual, but he's not rude either.'

'So what do we do?' Lily sighed. 'Good reason or not, do we sit here until 11 and the food's ruined?'

'Let's just start eating,' Mary said practically. 'I'm sure there will be plenty of food left should Sirius eventually arrive, and I'm sure he'll understand our starting without him.'

So we all sat at the table and Lily ordered James to carve up the turkey… which he did a spectacular job of butchering.

'JAMES!' Lily shrieked. 'What are you doing!'

'Cutting up the turkey, as you asked,' James snapped, irritated.

'That's not carving- it's massacring the bird! Oh just leave it to me. Bloody useless…'

James and Lily then started bickering about how James isn't a proper man, and how Lily is an Authoritarian Bitch and… frankly, we were supremely relieved when the doorbell went off.

'I'll get it!' Remus chirped, rushing off before anyone else could offer.

A few seconds later, Sirius arrived with a huge sack-ful of presents.

'YOU!' Lily shouted, brandishing the carving knife at Sirius and temporarily forgetting her argument with James. 'Why are you late!'

'Sorry, sorry,' Sirius sighed. 'One of the presents wasn't quite ready yet and I had to wait for it to return.'

We all looked at Sirius, confused.

'Care to explain?' Mary said drily.

'Anna, can I leave the presents in your room?' Sirius asked. 'And I'll explain all when we do our present swap.'

Mary rolled her eyes and I let Sirius into my room.

'Hi,' I said, grinning sheepishly.

He let out a sigh of relief as he placed the sack on my floor.

'Hi to you too. Sorry about being late. Is Lily annoyed?'

I laughed.

'That's putting it mildly… she and James were having a massive argument just as you arrived.'

Sirius chuckled, and we walked back to the kitchen.

'All right, all right,' Sirius said, walking right up to Lily. 'I'm terribly sorry for being late. Unforgivable, I know. All the owling stations were shut too, so couldn't owl…. Good grief, what happened to the turkey?'

James scowled.

'Thanks… _mate.'_

'Did _you_ do this, Prongs?' Sirius laughed. 'Oh Lilykins, never trust James to carve anything. Last Christmas he completely demolished the goose I'd spent hours slow roasting.'

Lily glowered at James.

'You might have told me you're pathetic at carving _before _you took to my bird.'

'I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!' Remus suddenly shouted.

We all turned to Remus, confused.

'Yes?' Lily snapped.

Remus blushed.

'Well…I…er… don't actually have any announcements. I just didn't want to sit through another one of your arguments.'

Sirius tactfully took up the knife and started (expertly, I might add) carving up the turkey. We pulled our Christmas crackers, poured out lots of wine, and ate the (truly excellent) food.

Once we were more stuffed than our turkey, we moved to the couch area and exchanged presents. I got a bottle of Malkin No 5 from Lily (my favourite scent!), a Witchwood tea set from Mary, from their 'Queen of Hearts' collection. James and Remus and Peter all got us (non-girlfriends) girls some form of chocolate or alcohol. Peter then (scrooge that he is) left because he had to go catch a portkey with his girlfriend and her family.

Remus gave Mary a very pretty bracelet. This led to a very long snog-session and the two of them promptly excused themselves. James then blushed, and said he'd rather give his present to Lily in private, so Sirius and I skived off to my bedroom.

'Honestly!' I ranted. 'Smug couples everywhere! It's positively sickening!'

Sirius rolled his eyes at me.

'Okay let me give my present to you,' I said, suddenly quite excited. I disappeared off to my wardrobe and returned with the (very heavy) box set of Mills & Boon novels.

'Merry Christmas,' I grinned, handing it over to him.

Sirius' eyes widened.

'It's heavy! I hope you didn't go overboard…'

'Oh no… and after everything, it's actually not enough.'

Sirius paused in unwrapping the present.

'Having you in my life will always be the best present I received this year,' he said quietly.

I know it was probably a bit corny, but I know he meant it and I couldn't help feeling the same thing about him.

'Right back at you,' I said. 'Now open it already!'

He grinned and tore off the rest of the wrapping paper. He became silent for a moment, as he surveyed it.

'Okay, it was a bit of a joke…' I said quickly, hoping he wasn't offended. 'And I hope there are still a few you haven't read yet and…'

He started laughing.

'Anna Jones,' he said, shaking his head at me as he leaned over to hug me. 'You're hilarious. I love it… though do you mind if I charm the front covers to look like they're more manly novels?'

'Oh you don't need to!' I said brightly. 'I got you the 'closet' edition. They're all blank covers. I thought it might make it easier for you to take them on your missions and training camps and such if they just looked like generic books.'

He grinned.

'Bloody amazing. Thanks, Jones. I will treasure these forever.'

I blushed, quietly pleased with myself.

'Now… I was a bit unsure about whether this would be a good present for you and all, seeing as you have been known to struggle in keeping a cactus alive…'

'Hey!' I protested. 'It's not my fault Lily's cat tried to eat my cactus in 4th year!'

'Nonetheless,' Sirius said, 'I think you've improved greatly over the year so I don't think my gift will be too much of a challenge for you.'

I looked at him suspiciously.

'Oh Merlin,' I said, suddenly panicking. 'You didn't get me something live did you? I'm allergic to cats, you know…'

Sirius bit his lip.

'It's not a cat… if you don't want it, they take them back within a week so it's okay. I just thought… with you possibly away in Australia, might make it easier to keep in touch if you had an…'

He presented me with an owl cage and I squealed.

'You got me an owl!' I cried.

I took the cage cover off to reveal a beautiful grey owl, with white flecks.

'Is it male or female?'

'Female… but…'

'She's beautiful!' I gushed. 'Oh my goodness! Sirius, this is too much. I can't believe…'

I went to pat my new owl (named Edwina- I know, I know!), but it turns out she's a bit off a bitch. She nipped my finger… hard.

'FUCK!' I shouted, dropping the cage in my pain.

The cage broke as it hit the ground and Edwina broke free, flapping about the room, squawking.

'Quick! To my wardrobe!' I cried, dragging Sirius to it and shutting the door behind us before Edwina could follow.

'Maybe an owl wasn't the best present…' Sirius said dubiously. 'Sorry, Anna. I'll take her back…'

And then I felt terrible for making Sirius feel bad about his wonderful and thoughtful and very sweet present, so I went back into my bedroom where Edwina was trying to peck out the feathers from my pillows.

I looked to the first Mills & Boon novel in the collection, whose heroine is called Edwina, and hence decided my owl would be called Edwina. No offence to anyone called Edwina, but it's not my favourite name. I felt it was fitting I should punish my owl for being so mean upon our meeting by subjecting her to a lifetime of being called Edwina. Hmph.

'Edwina,' I snapped. 'Stop that at once!'

The owl paused and looked at me, confused.

'Yes, I'm speaking to you. I've decided to call you Edwina and if I'm to be your owner- and you're planning on receiving regular feeds and cleans by my hand- then you'd better respect my commands.'

The owl simply blinked.

'Step away from my pillows.'

To my surprise, she did.

'Good girl. Now… back in your cage.'

She gave me a reproachful look.

'Okay, fine,' I sighed. 'But I can't have you flapping about my room making a mess… feel like going for a fly around the neighbourhood?'

She puffed out her chest and I offered her my arm. After a moment's hesitation, she climbed on and then- to my surprise- nipped my finger affectionately.

I laughed and opened my window.

'Don't be long,' I said.

She puffed out her chest importantly, and, after another nip, flew out into the night.

I turned to Sirius, unable to contain my excitement.

'She's amazing! Thank you so much!'

'It's okay if you don't want her. I can take her back…'

'No!' I exclaimed. 'I love her! Obviously we'll have some bitchiness at times- it's inevitable with both of us being female- but I think we'll get along 99% of the time.'

I shut my window and shivered a little as I sat next to Sirius on my bed.

'Don't feel like you _have_ to go to Australia now I've got you an owl. You probably ought to have your own owl anyway.'

I bit my lip.

'Do you want a drink? Beer? Wine? Firewhiskey? Eggnog?'

Sirius shrugged.

'Whatever you're having.'

I disappeared and poured out two (rather large) glasses of red wine. I drunk mine a little faster than I ought to.

As soon as Sirius put his glass down, I pulled him to me and kissed him. I still had issues doing it- don't get me wrong- but I just thought that if I just ignored them and kissed him, they would eventually go away…

At first he pulled back a bit, startled.

'Anna…' he murmured.

'Just shut up and snog me,' I said breathlessly, trying to stop my stupid brain and judgment get the better of me. The last thing I needed was to clamp up… yet _again_.

And so he did…. And, surprisingly, this time he wasn't slow and sensitive as he's always been in the past. He kind of took charge and kissed me with a bit more force and, as he did, I realised that was what I was missing- that sense of urgency. That sense of actually _wanting_ to have sex, as opposed to tentative kisses, stopping every few seconds to see if I'm okay.

I think, after all this time, all I wanted was for him to just take charge and snog me properly. I don't think I could handle all the sensitivity. It made me continually question the whole thing too much… whether it was _right_, whether I ought to be doing it…

And I think if one questions everything they do in life too much, they'll always end up finding a reason _not_ to do it… until you end up doing nothing at all.

So I have now decided just to be a bit more spontaneous about these things- and Sirius. Yes, we may end up fucking everything up beyond belief. In a few years time we may be total strangers to each other.

But, at the same time, maybe we'll still be together. Maybe we'll be best friends. Maybe- Merlin forbid- we'll be engaged or something.

Fact is, I don't bloody know. I could find a million reasons why we _shouldn't _be together, but that'll never make me happy or fulfilled. I won't look back on my life when I'm 70 and think 'I made the most of everything.' I'll think 'if only.'

And, if there's anything Miss M taught me, it's that I need to make the most of all the opportunities I'm presented with in life.

So… long-short. I finally properly snogged Sirius.

As usual, however, it wasn't something from a semi-pornographic romance movie. More like an annoying rom-com-

We were snogging pretty heavily. I was unbuttoning his shirt, and his hand was slowly making its way up my skirt when, suddenly, he paused.

'What?' I said, confused as to why he was pausing when things between us were getting so deliciously heated…

'Umm…'

He started laughing, and I felt my face burning as I realised my enormous hold-it-all-in granny knickers had confused- and then amused- him.

'Ohhh fuck,' I groaned, pulling my doona cover over my head. 'I totally forgot. Bugger!'

He tried pulling the covers off me.

'Oh come on Jones, at least you're consistent. I was getting a bit concerned at how smoothly everything was going until your lovely knickers cropped up.'

I let out an embarrassed little scream and he started tickling my waist.

'Come on… come out from there. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…. Come on Jones…'

I jumped up ran to my wardrobe, where I proceeded to rip the granny knickers off me and replace them with some lovely leopard print lacy ones.

After I'd made my skirt and half-unbuttoned shirt decent, I emerged to find Sirius flicking through one of the Mills & Boon novels.

'Maybe we should try re-enacting one of these scenes,' he said, grinning cheekily.

I rolled my eyes.

'How about we successfully shag each other the traditional way before we try role-playing,' I suggested drily.

'I'm up for that,' he said, winking at me.

I sat next to him, and then turned to look at him, trying not to laugh.

'Jones, I'm going to have to shag you before the year's through,' Sirius said, mock-seriously. 'Or I'm afraid I'll spontaneously combust.'

'No great loss there,' I shrugged, lying back on the bed.

He lay back next to me.

'Now, Jones, I know you don't believe that,' he said, tracing my collar-bones (or what's left of them in my Christmas gluttony).

I felt my heart racing.

Just as he leant over to kiss me again, there was a tapping at my window.

'Fuck… bad idea, getting you that bird,' Sirius grumbled, getting up and letting Edwina in the room.

She flew over to me and dropped a dead mouse on my lap. I screamed.

'WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? IS THAT? AGHHHH'

I kept screaming well after Sirius discarded of the dead rodent.

'Anna, calm the fuck down,' he hissed, trying to shut me up.

Seconds later, Lily, James, Mary and Remus burst through my door (all half-naked, literal wands at the ready).

'Anna, are you okay?'

Sirius glowered at Edwina.

'Anna's new owl decided to bring Anna back a dead rat.'

Mary and Lily started fussing over Edwina, petting her.

'Oooh she's so beautiful.'

'What's her name?'

'Edwina,' I said, rushing off to my wardrobe and shrugging off my mouse-contaminated clothes.

'Edwina… why the fuck did you call her that?'

'Shhh Mary! You'll make her self-conscious. Edwina… what a pretty name, for a pretty owl.'

'Thanks a bunch, mate,' James said, sounding annoyed at Sirius. 'Lily, when you're done, I'll be in your room.'

'Same… Mary,' Remus said.

Both girls completely ignored their boyfriends as they continued to pet Edwina. After a while, Mary suggested that we play drunk chess- as none of us could have sex with the new 'innocent' (as she calls Edwina) in the house.

I can't really remember very much. I remember playing with Sirius and, after way too much firewhiskey, snogging him over the chess pieces. This morning, I woke up with him in my bed, still mostly clothed, with several pawns wriggling about in my bra. It made for a rather frightening start to my day, I might add.

Anyway. We all went out for breakfast as a group- too hungover to be suggestive with each other. Everyone's left now, but Sirius promised he'd pop over to my parents' annual Christmas Ball tomorrow evening so looking forward to that.

On that note, I'd better landscape 'downstairs'….

.

7pm- V. sad being alone. At least I now have Edwina to keep me company.

.

7.10pm- Owww! She pecked me for patting her too much. V mean owl.

.

7.20pm- Sirius really ought to come over now and shag me. I'm fully prepared now.

.

7.30pm- Mmm keep having snog flashbacks… it really was very good, last night. Actually, it was a little rough. I think I like it like that. Hmmm.

.

7.31pm- Does that make me a slut?

.

7.35pm- It ought to be okay for me to be slutty with my boyfriend. Hang on… he's not really my boyfriend though, is he? Aiii I'm confused. He's confusing.

WHY AM I ALONE ON CHRISTMAS EVE?

.

7.40pm- Oooh! Jamie asked if is okay for him and his boyfriend and his boyfriend's sister to pop over. Yay! Will not be alone on Christmas eve. Will rustle up some left-overs and put on Christmas music…

.

11pm- Very drukenesh. Christmas in one hour! Hurrah!

.

12 midnight- Merry Christmas to everyone in the world! I love everyone. I forgive all. I wish Sirius was here. Booo. Will just finish the vodka… Jamie and co just left. V sad to be alone again. Going to listen to 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' on repeat. Bloody Sirius at Potters. He should be here. Is unsafe for me to be alone with only an owl to defend me. Hmph.

* * *

**Originally, I was going to include the Christmas day post in this chapter, but I think it would have been too long, so you'll have to wait for it! **

**I'm so sorry for the long wait for this chapter- but I hope all the Sirius/Anna time somewhat made up for it!**

**I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and I wish you all the best for 2013. May it be a wonderful year filled with love, health and happiness for you all!**

**Please leave a review before you leave!**

**Lots of love,**

**Anya**


	44. Chapter 44: December 25 to 26

**December 25**

**CHRISTMAS DAY!**

**Wine: Only a couple…bottles! (hehe)**

**Brandy: Several**

**Food: Don't want to recall just how much I've eaten**

* * *

10am- Ahhhh what time is this? Want to keep sleeping. Don't care that it's Christmas. Have no… oooh presents are on ground, next to bed. Might just stay awake to open them, and then have a bit of a snooze in. I deserve it. It's Christmas!

.

10.30am- Oh Merlin! AHHH! Parents bought me a 'Malkin, by Malkin' bag. It's not 'Malkin Couture,' but I'll take it! Going to transfer all belongings from old handbag, to new handbag. Oooh I love the smell of dragonhide leather. So luxurious!

.

11.10am- Right. Have spent the past half hour parading about the house like a model on a runway, with new bag. I just love it so much. It's black and sexy and very Italian sex-goddess-like. I could imagine Sophia Loren with such a bag. Yay!

Jamie got me a Malkin 'travel makeup' set. I'm sure will come in useful at some point!

Hmph. Am still alone, though. And is Christmas! What's Sirius doing?

.

11.11am- Oh yeah… he's with the Potters. Hmph. Well, probably ought to get ready to go to over to parents' place anyway. What to wear for tonight's ball?

.

11.15am- Oh dear! A horrifying thought just occurred to me! Sirius and I may actually end up shagging tonight.

It's not the shagging I'm concerned about, so much as the fact I've turned into a blob of fat during the course of this festive season. He must not be subjected to my wobbly thighs!

.

11.25am- Right. Going to eat salad only at lunch… and the ball. And limit alcohol intake. Every tasty morsel of food I don't eat helps, right? RIGHT?

.

12 noon- Why do I even bother? Even if I don't eat now, will still look like a giant blob of fat tonight. I think I should do the charitable thing and pretend I have my period, so he won't be subjected to horrid thighs. V. good.

Am going to parents' now, and am going to eat and eat and eat. I'm actually really hungry…

.

12.10pm- Probably not good to eat TOO much, as don't want to look preggers in my ball gown. I'll eat a solid lunch, and limit intake during the Ball. V. good.

.

5pm- Oh Merlin. When's Sirius getting here? Today has been ridiculous!

Jamie invited Tom over for our family lunch, and Mother made a spectacular point of ignoring Tom at all costs. So rude! Both Jamie and I were really embarrassed.

Dad tried his best, but was also obviously struggling a bit with the concept of Jamie being gay- and that his boyfriend was in his house. He wasn't rude, but he didn't really go out of his way to make Tom feel welcome either.

After what is definitely up there as being one of the most awkward Christmas lunches I've ever had, mum excused herself to go get ready for the ball.

'Thank Merlin she's left,' Jamie muttered, as she left the room.

'Anna, you need to get ready too,' mum snapped, glaring daggers at me.

I rolled my eyes and followed her out of the dining room.

'How dare he!' she hissed as we made our way up to her room. 'How dare he bring that… that…'

'Tom?' I offered.

'Yes! How dare he bring that Tom boy over here? On Christmas, no less! He's not planning on taking him to the Ball, is he? He has another thing coming, I'll tell you that…'

'Mum!' I exclaimed. 'It's okay. He's not going to snog Tom in front of everyone. He just wants to spend Christmas with the person he loves. What's so wrong about that?'

'What's _wrong_ with it?' she shrieked. 'Anna, it is wrong on so many levels. Morally, to begin with…'

I kind of lost it with mum, at this point-

'Morally!' I shouted. 'Morally? You have NO right to judge Jamie's morals when you cheated on your husband and left him for another man only this year!'

'Anna!' she gasped. 'How dare…'

'No!' I snapped. 'I won't stand for it. Tom is a lovely man, and he and Jamie love each other. That's the end of it. I'm not going to listen to you turn this into something it's not. If you want someone to complain to, I suggest you get a counsellor, because I won't hear anymore on this.'

She sniffed affectedly.

'So _this_ is the thanks I get for giving you a 'Malkin' bag? Well don't go expecting anything special _next year_, if this is how you're going to repay us!'

'Whatever, mum,' I sighed, going off to my old room.

At that point, I thought I'd just have a little nap to help the digestion process along (I felt severely bloated), but Jamie had other plans.

'Anna, you're not sleeping are you?' he snapped, poking my shoulder.

I pulled the covers over my head.

'Go away.'

'Tom just did. Sit up. I need to talk to you.'

'Noooo!' I groaned. 'I'm tired of being everyone's Aunt Agony. I need help, myself. Look at me- I can't sleep with Sirius being this fat. I just want to sleep. Please, leave me alone so I can slip away into a food coma.'

Jamie wrenched the covers off me.

'Up,' he demanded.

I sat up sulkily.

'What do you want? I told mum off about Tom. She won't listen. You know how she is.'

Jamie became sad, and tugged at his hair.

'It's so unfair. I would marry Tom, if it was allowed, and yet I'm not even able to bring him to my family's Christmas party. You and Sirius are sort-of-but-not-really together, and mum _encourages_ his presence at the Ball.'

I patted Jamie's hand and sighed.

'I don't know what to say, Jamie. It's not fair.'

He lay back down on my bed, hugging a cushion to his chest.

'No, it's not.'

I looked at him, feeling so sorry for him. I think I've spent my whole life complaining about how things aren't going my way with the guys I like… but I think it must be a million times harder to know exactly who you like, to have it, and to know it's 'not allowed,' or 'unacceptable.'

Because you can't just dump them and like someone else… because that person will _also_ be 'unacceptable.' You either find a way to change your natural instincts of attraction to members of a particular sex… or accept that no one you ever like will ever be acceptable.

It's so sad.

And what's sadder is that Tom is so lovely. His sister is lovely. I would absolutely be happy to include them in the little social sphere I call 'family'- much better than some quidditch wag who wants Jamie solely for the fame and fortune.

Eventually, Jamie sat up.

'I'm gonna go find Tom. He's more important to me than any of this bullshit.'

So now I'm alone, not feeling particularly enthusiastic about this Christmas Ball, and certainly not in the mood for a grooming session.

Right. Half an hour sleep, and then I'll go get ready…

.

5.10pm- Bloody hell. Can't catch a break today. Dad wants a chat about Jamie. Merry Christmas indeed.

* * *

**December 26**

**Drinks: 0 (too hungover)**

**Snogs: 0 (too hungover)**

**Shags: 0 (too hungover)**

**Food: 0 (too hungover)**

**Hours spent over toilet bowl, vomiting: 2 (approx. V. good)**

**.**

11am- No way. Too early. Was hoping to get up now, but too early…

.

1pm- Ugh. Just spent the past 2 hours vomiting. Hope Sirius didn't hear. Will just go back to bed. He himself has a bucket next to his bed. V. good idea. Will see if can find one for self.

.

6pm- Home.

Sirius wanted to come here, because he thinks it's cosier. I myself felt would be bad on my behalf as Edwina's owner to stay away too long, so didn't mind.

Ugh. Ugh. Splitting headache. Why are there no Hangover Tonics available?

Is this the Ministry's sick idea of a Christmas alcoholism lesson- make all the hangover tonics 'sold out' on Boxing Day so no one overdoes it on Christmas Day next year?

Or perhaps everyone just got there first. Whatever the reasoning, I don't care. I need something to take this horrid headache away. Horrible.

.

7pm- Love Jamie. He just came over with Tom, armed with a box of hangover tonics. Just as well, as I was one sentence away from chucking Sirius out of the place.

He's not all that pleasant when nursing a splitting headache/hangover. Neither am I… so, together, we don't exactly call for good news.

Anyway. Headache and hangover is gone now, so am feeling much more optimistic about the world! Yay!

The boys have just left to get a pizza. Don't think I'll eat. Am still feeling far too stuffed from yesterday. Ugh.

Okay. Where did I leave off, yesterday? Oh yeah- Dad.

He called me in to his study.

'Anna… I need your help.'

'What with?' I replied, rather stroppily (I was tired!)

'No need to take that tone!'

'Well… I've had mum breathing down my neck about Jamie, Jamie come to me all depressed…. How am I supposed to feel, right now?'

Dad sighed.

'It's hard for us to understand. I just feel it's such a great pity! So many girls would _love_ Jamie….'

'Pity? Instead of seeing it as a pity, how about you see it as a miracle that Jamie has found someone he loves, and who loves him! Why can't you see it as a wonderful thing, as opposed to something shameful!'

'Anna, I'm trying,' he said. 'I want to understand, and I'm trying to be open. Trust me, I am. I was shocked when he first told us, but I'm starting to come to terms with it. Obviously seeing him with another man, here, today, was a bit of a shock…'

He wiped his forehead with a handkerchief.

'Can you please just keep him away from yoru mother, tonight? The last thing we need is a screaming match in front of our guests. I think this family has had quite enough scandal for this year.'

'And the rest to come,' I muttered. 'Jamie left, only half an hour ago, anyway. He's gone to find Tom.'

Dad bit his lip.

'Do you think he'll bring him over to the Ball?'

I threw my hands up.

'I don't know. I won't mind if he does, because I actually like Tom. If you have a problem with it, deal with Mum yourself. I've got plenty of my own issues today, than to deal with Mum's hissy fits…'

I was interrupted by a knocking at the door.

'Mister Jones, a Master Sirius Black is at the door,' squeaked Kopi, the house-elf.

I oddly felt rather panicked at this announcement.

Dad nodded.

'Thanks Kopi. Perhaps send him to Anna's room?'

I nodded.

Kopi bowed and scurried off.

Dad sighed.

'Go and see to your friend now. You should probably think of getting ready too…'

I shrugged.

'Thanks, Anna. You're a good girl.'

I left his study, feeling a bit frustrated with everyone in my family. Sirius was already waiting for me, when I got to my room.

'Hi,' I sighed.

He beamed at me.

'Merry Christmas!'

It was a bit awkward, because I turned my cheek at the last moment, meaning I copped a pretty wet kiss on the cheek.

He shot me an apprehensive look, as I tried to wipe my cheek as inconspicuously as possible.

'Are you okay?'

'I'm with my family. What do you think?'

He bit his lip, and I flopped back on my bed, covering my face with my pillow.

'Jamie brought his boyfriend, Tom, over for lunch. He had a massive fight with Mum… and everyone is either angry at each other or depressed. It's been an exhausting day already, and the Ball hasn't even started.'

I felt the bed sinking a little as he sat next to me. I removed the pillow from my face to see he was looking down at his hands.

'How were the Potters?'

He shrugged stiffly.

'Okay… I have some news for you. Lily and James are engaged again.'

I sat up quickly.

'Really? When?'

'That was his 'gift' to her, when we were all exchanging presents the other night. They wanted to tell their parents before telling everyone else… Ah, I think this note might be Lily telling you.'

He picked up a note from next to my pillow and handed it to me. I opened it-

_ANNA! WE'RE ENGAGED AGAIN! _

_Hope you're having a wonderful Christmas. Can't wait to see you again._

_x Lily_

_._

I tossed it aside.

'Bound to happen eventually. Hopefully they'll actually make it to the wedding, this time.'

I then paused and looked at Sirius.

'Are you okay with it?' I asked tentatively.

'Sure,' he muttered. 'Why wouldn't I be?'

I pouted at him.

'Oh come on. We all know you had issues, the last time…'

'I'm happy for them. End of story.'

I rolled my eyes and lay back down, turning my back to him.

'Everyone's so snappy at me today. Don't know if I want to leave my room.'

'Sorry,' he said sadly.

I sat up, feeling a little bad.

'I was only joking.'

He looked at me, and then he looked uncertain. I knew it was because I gave him the frigging cheek when I saw him.

He went to say something, but my mum burst through the door in a spectacularly dramatic fashion.

'Anna Jones!' she gasped, taking in my dishevelled appearance. 'Why are you not ready for the Ball? The guests will be arriving at any moment! Go to my dressing room at once, and let Marie sort you out!'

She then noticed Sirius and put on a saccharine smile-

'Oh hello Sirius, darling. Merry Christmas!'

She went up to him and kissed him (a little too closely to the lips).

'So nice of you to join us for our little Ball,' she continued. 'I apologise for Anna's appearance, she's not always this unkempt, I hope?'

'She looks beautiful anyway,' he replied.

I WANTED TO HUG HIM SO MUCH, RIGHT THEN… but couldn't, as mum was still in the room. Hmph.

'Well… if you think so,' she said uncertainly. 'And, darling, please come over for dinner sometime! You know Mr Jones and I think the world of you…'

I kind of a little bit sort of lost my temper at this…. (v. bad, I know)…

'And yet you lose it when Jamie brings his boyfriend over!' I snapped.

Sirius himself looked a little surprised at my outburst.

'Yes, Sirius is great. I'm glad you both like him… but Jamie loves Tom, and Tom is a wonderful man and you would know that too, if you bothered to give him a chance. Sirius and I aren't even going out! Do you know what Jamie said to me, today? He said he'd _marry_ Tom if it were allowed… and yet you can't bring yourself to be polite to him when Tom brings him over for lunch!'

'Anna!' Mum hissed. 'You're being very rude to your guest. Go get ready. We'll discuss this later.'

She swept out before I could say any more. I caught Sirius's face, and instantly felt terrible.

'Shit, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bring you into it. It's just… Jamie really loves Tom, and it's so unfair that she won't even give him a chance. I've never seem Jamie so upset.'

Sirius nodded quietly, avoiding my eyes.

'Can I get you something? Wine, champagne, scotch… anything?'

'No, I'm fine,' he said stiffly, giving me a quick (but false) smile.

'Did I offend you? It wasn't you, it was…'

'Are we going out, or not?' he interrupted me, bluntly. 'Because I've been under the impression that we decided we would. Your outburst, however, lead me to believe that we perhaps are not.'

I stood there, shocked.

'I'd just like to know,' he shrugged. 'Because I love you, Anna. Merlin knows I do… but if you're not interested, then I'll invest my emotions in someone who will. I'm not going through 'Helen the Sequel.' I can't do it.'

I went to say something- who knows what, my mind was blank with shame at that point. But, of course, right on cue Marie came in.

'Miss Jones, your mother sent me to do your hair and makeup.'

'Ah… y..yes,' I stammered. 'Can it wait five minutes?'

'I have another engagement I'm already late for,' Marie said, her French accent making it only sound bitchier.

I suddenly became acutely aware of how pretty Marie was.

'I might go,' Sirius said to me. 'Obviously you don't…'

'No don't go,' I said, becoming irritated myself. 'We'll just draw this out into something it's not if you leave now.'

I sat in the chair and brooded as Marie set to styling my hair. I'm pretty sure I caught Sirius checking her out a few times. Naturally, I scowled at him as he did so.

When Marie was done, she frowned.

'I think it's your expression,' she said, confused as to why I wasn't pretty, despite her best efforts to transform me. 'A smile would make you _tres jolie_.'

I grimaced at her, and she shrugged, muttering something in French. Sirius laughed, and replied to her in French. I spent the next five minutes glowering at the exchange- and grimacing each time she laughed coquettishly at whatever he was saying.

To my indignance, she kissed him on the cheek before she left, saying what I could only assume was French for 'Merry Christmas.'

Sirius turned to me, pretending to look innocent, when he shut the door behind her. Smug bastard. Makes me angry just remembering it.

I ignored him and went behind my screen to change into my gown. The zip was very tricky and I think I must have been grunting a bit, as I tried to reach for it.

'Need some help?' Sirius muttered.

'No, I'm fine thanks,' I replied harshly.

I wasn't, though. I ended up ripping the zipper OFF the zip.

'FUCK!' I shouted, punching the wall. 'Ouch!'

Sirius came behind the screen to see me looking hopelessly at the zipper, which I'd just pulled off my dress.

He took it off me gently.

'Turn around,' he said softly.

Feeling defeated, I did. He muttered some incantation at my dress, and then zipped the dress up for me.

I turned around to face him slowly and bit my lip. I thought about apologising first, but then decided I probably first went wrong by not accepting the kiss- and so I decided that situation should be rectified first.

Hoping desperately he wouldn't reject me, I stood on tip-toes and kissed him softly. Thankfully, he is slightly more mature than me, and did not reject me.

'I'm sorry,' I whispered.

I caught a ghost of a smile at this, and suddenly felt the massive cloud, which had been following me the entire day, was lifted.

He pulled me a little closer, and kissed me again. It was amazing. I still get shivers thinking about it.

Make up snogging is _definitely_ better than normal snogging- because there's no backing down! Now I'm curious to see what make up shagging would be like with him… Hmmm….

We snogged each other furiously, sinking down to the ground and knocking my screen over. He tugged at the zip of my dress and, just as he was fumbling about with my bra hook, the door burst open.

I screamed, but I'm not sure whose screaming was loudest; mine or my mother's—

'ANNA JONES! SIRIUS BLACK! Rise, immediately, from this semi-recumbent position!'

We both stood up immediately, and she came over to me, tutting.

'This is most inappropriate, Master Black,' she snapped at him, catching a bit of my skin as she zipped my dress up forcefully. I tried blinking back the tears of pain.

'And good lord, Anna! Your hair! Is this how Marie styled it?'

I turned to the mirror, and tried not to laugh as I saw my hair had been half-pulled out of its bun, and was now hanging oddly from my head.

'Yes,' I said, dead-pan. 'She was shocking, mum. Never hire her again.'

Sirius snorted at this, and mum tutted again, obviously extremely irritated.

'Sit down.'

She pulled all the pins out of my hair and smoothed it out.

'Your hair looks better down, anyway. All young girls should wear their hair out. Honestly!'

'I'm not exactly…'

'You are a _young girl_,' she snapped. 'There. Now come down at once. I have guests for you to greet.'

'Yes mum,' I said, trying not to look at Sirius who was wiggling his eyebrows at me.

'You two are not allowed to be left on your own, you understand?' she snapped, dragging us out of the room. 'I'm sorry, Sirius, but if you're after that sort of thing, you'll have to marry Anna.'

She looked at him expectantly. I had a feeling she was expecting him to get on his knee right away and propose.

Obviously I'm not as much a sex goddess as her _just yet_…

'Oh don't worry,' Sirius said (I suspect I heard a hint of irritation in his voice, here), 'Anna's a good girl. She is absolutely consistent in refusing my advances. I suspect I'd have to marry her, and then wait a year, before she'd let me even consider doing that.'

'Nonsense,' mother said sensibly. 'That's the whole point of a wedding night. Now, you two, behave yourselves. I have to see to my guests. Excuse me.'

She waltzed off, trilling 'Merry Christmas' to a couple that had just walked in.

I turned to him, scrunching up my nose.

'That was… unpleasant.'

He shifted a tendril of my hair, brushing against my collar-bone as he did. I shivered a little.

'_Au contraire_- I thought it was all rather pleasant, until your mother decided to interrupt.'

He looked up at me with a cheeky grin, and I think my heart nearly exploded from all the pent-up tension.

I smiled a little.

'Hmm… you may be right there- though I'm not so cruel. I wouldn't make you sit through an entire year of marriage.'

'No?'

'Of course not. I'd wait to see what your affections were like after the honeymoon period. It's easier to marry after an annulment than a divorce. After all, virtue is still prized, these days, Mr Black.'

He raised an eyebrow.

'I never thought you'd be _worse_ than Evans. But there you go…'

'Anna.'

We looked up to see Jamie, looking spectacularly haughty.

'Did you find Tom?'

He nodded grimly.

'Hi Sirius…' he turned to me again, 'Look, it's not good. He's… in hospital.'

I gasped, thinking the worst.

'Oh no! What happened? He didn't…'

Jamie's expression relaxed.

'Oh no. Merlin no, he's not that daft. No, well, it's a bit embarrassing, actually, so I'd rather not say. But I won't be staying here.'

I frowned, bewildered.

'Okay,' I said slowly. 'Well I hope he gets better… whatever's wrong with him.'

Jamie nodded.

'Thanks. Maybe… if he's better tomorrow, maybe we can swing by yours and hang out?'

I nodded, and after kissing me, and shaking Sirius' hand, he left.

'I wonder what's wrong with Tom?'

Sirius grimaced.

'I suspect it's got something to do with his privates… so I'd rather not know.'

I shuddered, and picked us up two glasses of champagne.

'Cheers,' I said, clinking his glass with mine, and downing mine quickly.

'Shall we dance?'

I snorted.

'No!'

Sirius frowned.

'Why ever not?'

'Because everyone will _notice us_, and start asking questions.'

'So what?'

I rolled my eyes.

'Let's just avoid my mother and her friends. How about we steal a bottle of champagne and go to the garden?'

Sirius, however, did not seem to be paying attention.

'Excuse me, Master Black, you are being a most inattentive date… oh shit.'

At this point, I noticed that Sirius' family had arrived, and they were glaring at us.

I winced as Sirius' grip on my waist became vice-like.

'Do you want to escape? It's easy, I'll…'

'I'm not running away. I have every right to be here,' he said stoutly.

I was so terrified they'd come up to us. To my surprise, Walburga and Orion merely looked at him, and then went over to greet their other acquaintances.

Kind of like Sirius didn't even exist.

I suddenly felt so sorry for Sirius, because it was kind of as though they didn't even care enough to come over to him and bitch at him. They actually just didn't even recognise him as having ever been their son at all.

And whatever shit my family do, it's never _that_ terrible.

'Well at least they're not going to bother you,' I whispered, terrified Sirius was going to lose his temper or, worse, be absolutely shattered.

His face was white as a sheet. For a moment- and only a moment, because he'll forever be too stubborn to show that he cares about his family- he looked genuinely upset. He actually looked like a young boy, who has lost his mother in a shopping centre- that abandoned, lost, and desperate look.

I never want to tell him, but that's how he looked, and it broke my heart seeing it. But I knew that all the hugs from me would never fix that hole (despite the fact that's exactly what I wanted to do- hug him and tell him I loved him, and make him know he was loved).

A moment later, Regulus walked in the room, and then Sirius' expression changed to that of guilt.

'I'm so sorry,' I whispered, feeling terrible. 'I didn't think mum had invited them. I thought she'd fallen out with them…'

'Don't worry,' he said through gritted teeth.

Regulus caught sight of Sirius, and it was an odd thing to watch, because Regulus had a slight look of hope and actually looked a little happy to see Sirius when he first saw him. I could tell, because his eyes lit up just like Sirius' do when he's excited about something.

'You could try talking to him, you know,' I said. 'He's your brother, not your parents.'

Sirius bit his lip and looked away. I think Regulus had that same rejected look Sirius had earlier, the moment Sirius looked away.

'Let's go outside,' Sirius said urgently. 'I need some air.'

So we went to the balcony. Sirius muttered something, and transfigured a twig into a cigarette. I watched apprehensively as he lit up.

'Do you think you should…'

He shot me a warning look, and I bit my lip.

Someone behind me cleared their throat. I turned to see Regulus, watching us apprehensively.

'Anna,' he said, nodding to me politely.

I smiled, really pleased he'd come out.

'Hi Regulus. Merry Christmas.'

'And to you,' he said, he said, kissing my cheek. 'Thank you for having me.'

She bred polite boys, that Walburga. I'll give her that…

I can't be sure if it was the cold or nerves, but Sirius' hands were shaking a little.

'Could I borrow one? I left mine at home.'

Sirius butted out his cigarette.

'You shouldn't be smoking.'

Regulus' eyes widened, annoyed.

'That's just so typical of you, isn't it? You go do one thing, but then go and tell me to be the good little boy. Well I'm not four years old, Sirius. I can do as I please.'

Sirius smiled a little, and transfigured two twigs into cigarettes. He handed one to Regulus.

'Anna?' Regulus said, offering his cigarette to me.

'No thanks,' I said. 'It's one of the few vices I haven't succumbed to… yet.'

I watched as they merely smoked in silence.

'Excuse me,' I said, not wanting to interfere on their moment.

I went into the ballroom and found my dad.

'Hello darling,' he said, hugging me to his side. 'Are you having fun?'

I looked around the ball, and realised that I actually was. Despite everything, I was happy- my parents were together, however haphazard, Jamie had love- however turbulent, and I had Sirius, and several wonderful friends who weren't there.

I couldn't ask for much more than that.

'Yes,' I beamed. 'Very much so.'

He smiled.

'Would you care to dance with an old man?'

'Always,' I laughed.

And so we danced for a song, until mum came up to drag dad away. I turned around, to see Sirius looking at me expectantly.

'I thought you didn't want to dance?' he grinned.

I shrugged.

'May I have the honour?'

'Why, you may,' I laughed.

And so we danced for the next few dances and it was lovely. He didn't mention anything about Regulus and so I didn't ask- though I did see Regulus walking off to speak to some of his younger friends at one end of the ballroom. He seemed happier, and Sirius certainly seemed a bit 'lighter' (it's hard to describe).

As the night went on, mum got tipsier and tipsier and, when she attempted to snog the Minister for Education (why didn't she do so BEFORE my NEWTs? Hmph!), Dad and I decided it was time to drag her off to bed. Everyone left pretty soon after that. I didn't see Sirius' parents leave, but Regulus did come up to us-

'Anna- thank you, and good evening. You look lovely,' he said, kissing my hand.

I couldn't help blushing a little.

Regulus then turned to Sirius, and they both did the stiff nod-thing, and awkward handshake. Without any words exchanged, Regulus joined his group of friends as they left the party.

When everyone had left, we went to the drawing room, where my dad poured out brandies and took out his cigar box.

'Ah, it's a pity Mark isn't here. I would've liked to have smoked a cigar with him,' he sighed, sinking into his arm-chair. 'Cigar, Sirius?'

'No thanks, sir. I'm trying not to smoke anymore,' he said, winking at me.

'Anna? Oh no, you don't like it…'

We watched the fire for a while.

'Would you like us to help clean up, sir?' Sirius offered.

'Oh no, we have a team of cleaners coming tomorrow for that,' Dad yawned. 'Are you two staying here for tonight? We've got a guest bedroom for you, Sirius.'

'No, Dad, I think we'll head off soon. I've got to feed my owl.'

He yawned again, and I got up and kissed his cheek.

'Good night, Dad. Merry Christmas.'

'And to you, darling. Good night, Sirius,' he said, shaking Sirius' hand.

'Apparate or floo?' Sirius said, as we stepped out into the hallway.

I considered it.

'Are we sober enough to apparate?'

He considered it, and shook his head.

'Probably not. Ugh, my head.'

'Let's floo then. Ahh… and lets grab a bottle for the road.'

I grabbed a bottle of firewhiskey and we made our way to the fireplace.

'Yours or mine?'

'Lets go to yours,' I said. 'I lied- Edwina's fine for tonight. I just didn't want to have to deal with mum tomorrow morning, when I'll be hungover.'

'Fair enough.'

So we floo-d to Sirius' place. I frowned as I entered the living room.

'Where are your Christmas decorations!' I exclaimed. 'You've done _nothing_ to suggest it's the festive season.'

'No use when it's just me, here,' he shrugged. 'It's not like I've had people over.'

I peered at him.

'Your house is _heaps_ cooler than mine! I don't know why we keep having our group gatherings at my place. You have more spare bedrooms and way more space. I can't help feeling we'd probably avoid all those early morning scuffles of 'you slept in the same bed as my girlfriend' if you were to host instead.'

Sirius shrugged.

'Okay, well let's do New Years here, then.'

'Really?' I said, becoming excited.

'If you want- sure.'

I felt bad.

'No, it's okay. I don't want to force you…'

'No, you're right. I suppose I can make this place as homely as I like. Let's do it. We can have a quidditch match, set off fireworks in the backyard… I'll do it on one condition.'

I raised an eyebrow.

'Name your price, Mr Black,' I grinned.

He came closer, his lips twisting into a smile.

'So long as I get to kiss you at the turn of the New Year.'

I pretended to consider it. He then got out his wand and muttered something at the ceiling. I looked up and laughed as I saw a sprig of mistletoe.

'There,' he said. 'It's _some_ decoration.'

'Hmmm,' I murmured, feeling my lips tingling as he leaned in. 'The only important one anyway…'

And then we snogged for what felt like hours. As items of clothing were slowly lost, however, I remembered my 'fat' dilemma.

I'd definitely need to diet for a few days AT LEAST before he can see me in the complete nuddy.

'I… I can't,' I gasped, as I felt him tugging at my knickers.

He paused, and then his eyes became saucers. He backed off pretty quickly, I must say.

'Oh… that explains a lot.'

I sat up, suddenly a little annoyed.

'Excuse me?'

'Well… you weren't all that pleasant when I arrived.'

I rolled my eyes, not really wanting to ruin the evening with an argument. We took the bottle of firewhiskey to his bed and drank it while chatting about nonsense.

'Is there anything you want to ask me?' Sirius said, rather sloppily, after half the bottle had been consumed.

I considered him.

'Yes. Are you and Regulus friends again?'

He shook his head.

'No. We didn't actually say anything on the balcony- just smoked. I suppose it was an unspoken sort of acceptance thing.'

I nodded.

'It's nice that you had that sort of closure with him. I think you've always missed him a bit.'

He nodded sleepily. After a few seconds, he opened his eyes again.

'Anything else?'

'Why me? Why am I here, instead of anyone else?'

'Because I like you most.'

'But…'

'You keep trying to compare yourself to Helen Asteria,' he muttered. 'You're different. You're not better or worse than each other. Will I ever forget Helen Asteria? No. She was a great love in my life. Is she the love of my life, now? No. She was right for me back then, and I'll always remember that… but never go back.'

He paused.

'As for those other girls… I see them as sort of fillers until I found you. And I'm too tired to go through all the rest _again_.'

He paused.

'My turn. Why me? You're always asking that of me- even though I keep giving you very long and thoughtful answers. So let me ask you why _you_ want to be with me.'

I laughed.

'Isn't it obvious?'

'No. And you've spent a lot of the past few months rejecting me, so I'm not feeling all that secure in myself and your affections anyway.'

I rolled my eyes at him.

'What? Only you're allowed to feel insecure? I have feelings too!' he exclaimed.

I smiled and kissed him. He seemed to like that… until he pushed me away.

'Answer the question, Jones,' he slurred, drinking more firewhiskey and passing the bottle to me.'

'Fine. You are my favouritest person in the world. Even though there are times when I'm upset at you or annoyed, you are still my favouritest person 99% of the time. I smile just thinking about you- and that scares the hell out of me, because I kind of feel that if it's so easy for you to make me happy, then it must be really easy for you to make me unhappy.'

I paused and had more firewhiskey.

'You- for some inexplicable reason- like me for who I am. You laugh at me, but you don't make me feel bad for being me, or hint that I ought to change or be any different. I feel safe with you and I trust you because, despite everything, you're loyal. And you care about those close to you- you genuinely do- and that's the most important thing to me. Basically, you pass my 'bedside test'.'

He took the firewhiskey off me.

'What's this 'bedside test'?'

I bit my lip.

'It's the test where I imagine that something really horrible has happened to me, and I'm in hospital. The bedside test is whether the person I'm with would love and care about me enough to stay by my side the entire time, or simply leave and wait- be it hours or days- for the hospital to owl for news instead, so they can get about their lives. It's the test of caring beyond what is necessary. If I'm to be with someone, I want them to love me enough to not want to leave me at my moment of need, despite whatever work commitments or social functions they may have… and I wouldn't be with anyone whom I didn't feel the same way about.'

Sirius was silent for a moment as he (drunkenly) considered my test.

'I would definitely pass,' he said, confidently, swilling more firewhiskey (to congratulate himself on passing, I imagine).

'I know,' I said quietly, taking the bottle from him and drinking more myself. 'But I think you'd pass it even if we weren't together. You'd pass it for any of your friends.'

'So would you.'

'I know… but it's my test, so of course I would.'

He chuckled a little and we both lay down.

'Ugh. I feel a little sick now.'

'Yeah, me too. Probably best to write off the rest of that bottle.'

We snogged a little more, but I think we were both starting to feel a bit too ill at that point, so we ended up just passing out.

It was the most romantic night of my life. I'm not afraid to say it anymore- I'm in love with Sirius. Completely. I can say with absolute confidence that it is the most wonderful and terrible thing I've ever experienced!

As I wrote earlier, this morning was mainly spent throwing up. It was horrible. We had no hangover tonics, and so we were extremely snappy with each other (not much love then, I must admit). Basically anything Sirius did- or I did- set us off at each other. Good thing Jamie came with those hangover tonics. I might've been writing a sad 'break up' entry otherwise…

Ah… perfect timing. They've arrived with pizza. Must abstain, so can finally shag Sirius before the year's through!

* * *

**There you have it! A (rather long) entry with lots of Anna/Sirius time… updated with uncharacteristic speed!**

**I think I deserve many reviews for that!**

**Next chapter-**

'_Bugger. Totally forgot about parents getting remarried. Bugger. Slughorn's wedding. Bugger, bugger, bugger. I hate weddings.'_

**Love, Anya**

**(Just letting you know that I respond to ALL signed reviews. There are some of you, however, who have left me lovely reviews that I can't respond to, as you've switched off the PM feature on your account. If you don't want a response, that's fine, but if you do want a response, you need to switch on the PM feature. I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your lovely comments!)**


	45. Chapter 45: December 27 to 30

**December 27**

**Weight: 10st 9 (Huh. How did I manage to lose some weight?)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 100 x million (understandable)**

**Dates: 1 (yay!)**

**Drinks: 10 (bad)**

* * *

10am- Yay! Mary and Lily have decided to come home early, so we can discuss wedding plans (not yay, but I'll take the trade off)

.

10.10am- Bugger. Totally forgot about parents getting remarried. Bugger. Slughorn's wedding. Bugger, bugger, bugger. I hate weddings. Lily's upcoming nuptials are already giving me a headache… and she's not getting married until February!

On her 'February' date… I don't approve. Why does she want to get married in one of the coldest months of the year? Well… it's better than a May wedding, I suppose- 'Marry in May, and you'll rue the day…'

.

10.15am- What's so bad about getting married in May? Why is that a saying? I want to know. Note to self: ask Lily this when she arrives.

.

10.30am- Oh yay! Sirius has invited the entire group over to his place for New Year's Eve and everyone can come! Yay! Love Sirius.

.

10.35am- Still can't believe Sirius and I are a 'thing.' How on earth did that happen? Why? Aiiii! So happy! I've had all these knots and butterflies in my stomach every since we kissed that night when we had the group Christmas party. Mmmm.

We didn't snog at all yesterday- only a bit when he left. It was kind of difficult, with Jamie and Tom being over. They were all too busy talking about quidditch and, as we've long established I'm terrible at anything involving a broomstick, I ended up leaving them and tidying the place up (WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO!)

I was cleaning Edwina's cage when Jamie and Tom left. Sirius came and helped me clean the rest of Edwina's cage… and then actually helped me with cleaning the bathroom! (SUCH a gentleman!)

'You really don't have to,' I muttered, becoming a bit embarrassed.

'It's fine,' he said. 'I don't mind.'

When the bathroom was more spotless than it had ever been, we watched a movie on the couch with a couple of butterbeers. It was actually really nice. I just leaned on his shoulder, he had his arm around me… and it wasn't seedy or 'watching a movie for shagging later.'

When the movie ended, I became a bit awkward, and made a big fuss of tidying up the couch and the butterbeers. Sirius started laughing at me.

'Look, Anna,' he said. 'I know what you're doing, so let's save us all some stress- I'm not expecting to sleep with you tonight.'

I put down the bottles, feeling guilty at being caught out.

'You're… not?' I said, surprised.

I don't know. I've just felt this enormous pressure ever since we decided to go out that he would expect to sleep with me ASAP. I suppose that's because all the other Smug Couples are at that stage, I thought he'd kind of expect it right away.

'No,' he said, sitting at the kitchen table. 'Aside from what seems to be a little Australian indiscretion, I don't see you as the sort of girl who wants to give it up on the first date.'

I chewed my lip.

'No… I suppose not. Maybe I'm not as slutty as I always thought I was?'

He laughed.

'I don't think you are at all. Look, when it happens it happens. How's that? I don't want you running off each time the night comes to a close, and making excuses to try avoid me because you think that's what you have to do to make me understand you don't want to yet. It's cool. I get it.'

'You… do?'

He nodded, and I instantly felt so relieved.

'Thanks,' I said, sinking into a chair. 'You have no idea how much it was stressing me out!'

I sat up, feeling I'd probably phrased that badly.

'It's not that I don't want to… eventually… I just…'

He put up a hand.

'It's fine. I get it. Really, I do. This is nothing, anyway. Helen made me wait well over a year…'

He bit his lip.

'Sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned her.'

I shrugged. I didn't mind it, actually. Knowing the Sex Goddess of Hogwarts was a little frigid suddenly made me feel A LOT better.

We talked a bit about Jamie and my parents… and then he said he'd leave, which I was a bit grateful for, because I really don't sleep all that well when we're sharing a bed. We did snog a bit before he left.

Anyway. He said he'd take me out to dinner tonight so- yay! I have a proper date, tonight!

.

11am- Yay! Girls have arrived. We have cracked open a bottle of champagne (despite the hour) to celebrate Lily's re-engagement.

Apparently May is bad luck because Pagans used to have orgies in May or something, and it's not all that conducive for fidelity. I don't know. Lily wasn't too clear on it herself. Mmm.

Apparently Lily is getting married on a Wednesday as it is the 'luckiest' day to get married on. Probably the cheapest day, too. I can't imagine too many people would be available or wanting to get married on a Wednesday due to the working week. Hmm.

I wonder if I'll ever get married. Seems a ridiculous thought, really. I know I'm supposed to be with Sirius now (I say that because I still can't really believe it's true)… but I could never ever imagine him thinking of marrying me. Hmph. So sad. I hate being the uglier one in this relationship.

.

8pm- Oh bugger. We got so drunk as we planned the wedding that we fell asleep and I completely forgot about date with Sirius. Just got an owl from him asking if I was still coming. Ugh… bathroom…

.

8.10pm- where are the hangover tonics? Bugger. Bugger. Bugger…

.

8.11pm- Aiii I look terrible. Okay. Mustn't delay. Will just go and say the truth…

.

11pm- I feel SO bad. Apparently he booked a really nice restaurant… but they cancelled the reservation because we were too late in showing up. He was very good about it, though. I insisted on paying for dinner, which in itself nearly started an argument… but I said it was only Italian, which is not even expensive and that if he didn't let me pay I'd start crying. It got to a point where I was faster at handing the money over to the waiter than him.

.

11.10pm- Hang on, why are there five galleons in my pocket? Oh the bastard! He put it in my pocket when we were snogging. Going to send it back to him right now.

.

11.30pm- Ugh! He just sent it right back! This is ridiculous.

.

12.10am- Hmph. Went over to demand he take the money, but just ended up in a snog session. He also informed me that he's leaving for a camping trip with The Marauders tomorrow. Hmph. Hmph. Hmph. He promised he'd be back for horrific double wedding on 30th Dec, though, so I suppose is ok.

**.**

**December 28**

**Weight: 10st 10 (boo)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Lustful thoughts for Sirius: 1000 x million (why has he gone camping?)**

**Applications to local universities: 1 (decent)**

**.**

1pm- Aii. What is happening?

Lily informed us that, obviously, as she is going to be married, she will be moving out next year. This led Mary to ask me whether I would mind terribly if Remus moved in with us.

I'm to be the third wheel in my own house? Noooooo!

I said of course I didn't mind. I think I do… a little… as we will no longer be able to have drunken 'girls only' sessions. Can't he just stay at his own place?

Pros, however, mean rent will not increase, nor will I be required to do extra house work.

WHY IS LILY MOVING OUT? WHY IS SHE GETTING MARRIED? SHE SHOULD STAY HERE AND STAY SINGLE. SHE IS FAR TOO YOUNG FOR MARRIAGE AND BABIES.

Hmph.

I'm actually really sad, though. I don't want us all to be full-on grown-ups. I feel we've been pretending to be grown-ups this year, but now Lily's getting married, it's the real deal.

Bugger.

.

5pm- Mary and I just went out for coffee. Was v. good- both the coffee, and the discussion. I feel better now-

'Anna, are you okay with Remus moving in? It's okay if you're not. It's just, with you possibly going to Australia…'

'I'm not,' I replied. 'I didn't want to tell anyone yet in case I changed my mind, but I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen. I just need to get proactive about finding something local.'

Mary squealed and hugged me.

'Oh thank MERLIN! I was so worried you'd forget me!'

I shook my head.

'How could I ever forget you! Anyway… on Remus… Look, I get it. It's fair. I don't think he'll be annoying or anything and- let's face it- he basically lives here anyway…'

Mary interrupted-

'He mentioned it the other day- our moving in together- and I said I didn't want to leave our place because I like it there, and like living with you. He then kind of inferred that perhaps he could move in if Lily was getting married anyway…'

She sighed.

'I put it to you to see how you felt about it. I guess I was kind of hoping you'd say 'No' to make it easier for me to say I didn't want him to move in yet.'

'Oh thank Merlin!' I gushed.

She looked surprised.

'So you don't want him to move in!'

I sighed.

'No… look, I'm not a child. It'd be fine. Obviously, though, certain things would stop happening- like our girls nights etc…'

Mary nodded vehemently.

'I know! That's what I thought. Also, I'm still studying. I don't know that I want to move in and be serious with the guy until I've graduated.'

I couldn't disagree with this.

'Sounds sensible.'

Mary bit her lip.

'How do I tell him, though?'

I shrugged.

'Just say that! I mean, you don't _have _to. It was a thought. Just because James and Lily are getting hitched, it doesn't mean that we all ought to move at lightning-fast pace with our own relationships!'

She nodded.

'Yeah, you're right. I think he'll be sensible about it. I mean, I like- even love- the guy. Do I want to officially move in together and lose my independence from him just yet? No…'

She nodded and gave a sigh of relief.

'Thanks for that. I just felt so unsure earlier- especially because it was going to be hard to refuse if you were leaving for Australia.'

'It's okay- I see your point. I think it's safer to live with someone you have no desire to shag.'

Mary pouted.

'Anna! I'm hurt!'

I laughed.

'Okay… well someone I probably _won't_ shag, despite her being irresistibly shagable.'

We laughed and then went for a walk through the park and… it was really nice. It's been a long time since I spent time alone with Mary. She's always been my best friend, so it was nice to go back to basics and spend time alone together. We have a lot of memories that don't have Lily in them- so we never talk about them in front of Lily. It was kind of refreshing to be able to laugh about them without that sort of censor.

Anyway. Feeling quite relieved I won't have to share flat with Remus next year. Not that I don't love him… just that I feel boyfriends have a specific place at this stage of our lives- and that place is not (living in) our flat!

.

5.30pm- Lily won't be home today, so I suppose I'll tell her about Australia when I see her. I guess it's time to accept I'm not going and tell everyone- including the Uni itself.

Should also start applying to courses situated somewhere in the UK. Except for Ireland, perhaps. I used to have this idea that Irish boys were cute, but I've come across several shockers lately.

Okay, who am I kidding? If Ireland accepts me, I'll definitely go. It's not that big a deal to portkey there anyway.

.

9pm- Go me for being productive! I've just applied to Edinburgh for mid-year entry. I've also sent a letter off to Australia. I feel a lot better now I've finally been proactive about the whole thing.

I think I needed to actually tell someone I wasn't going- like telling Mary- to make it real enough for me to do something about it. Anyway. V pleased and feel this is certainly the correct decision for me.

.

**December 29**

**Weight: 10st 10**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Applications accepted: 1 (YESSSSSSSS!)**

**Sirius: Liar**

**James: Liar**

**Peter: Liar**

**Remus: Liar by default**

**.**

11am- OH MERLIN! EDINBURGH ACCEPTED ME! I'M SO EXCITED I CAN'T STOP SQUEALING! MARY AND I HAVE SPENT THE PAST 10 MINS JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN OUR EXCITEMENT!

I can't believe it! I got in! I start in February. I've been allowed a mid-year entry. I actually got a letter from the Head of Journalism himself! This is what he wrote-

.

Dear Miss Jones,

Thank you for your application to study at the University of Edinburgh. On behalf of the Dept of Journalism, I would like to personally welcome you to the course.

My daughter was a big fan of your 'Ask Anna' column. She was going through a hard time this year, and wrote to you. Although you never published your response to her, I want to personally thank you for taking the time to send her a letter back anyway. It really helped her. She is doing much better now.

I look forward to meeting you in person, when term starts.

Kind Regards,

Professor K. Dawes.

.

Also, it seems like an excellent start that the head of my course actually _liked_ my column- makes a very refreshing change from the head of my psych course. Ugh. Still hate that man. When I become a journalist, I'm going to do an expose on him for revenge. Hmmmm…. Bet he's shagging students for marks...

I'm also really glad to hear that my letter back to his daughter helped her. I never really heard back from any of them, so it's nice to know she's in a better place.

Feeling very wonderful today. I kind of wish Sirius was here so I could tell him the excellent news. Agh. Stupid camping trip. Why are they even camping? What's the appeal? I imagine, as Aurors, they'll have to rough it out plenty of times. I honestly don't know why they would willingly sleep in a tent and treck through boggy marshes etc. Ugh. No thank you.

Note to self: If Sirius ever suggests going on a camping trip as a mini-break, break up with him temporarily.

.

3pm- Lily is back! Yay. She is v proud of me. Hehe

.

6pm- Hmph. I just complained about the camping trip, and seems as though the girls are also very confused as to the nature of their camping trip. What could four boys possibly have to do with each other in the middle of nowhere?

'Maybe they're secretly gay?' Lily frowned.

I couldn't help wondering the same.

'No,' Mary said certainly. 'Or… maybe?'

We are now planning to go out clubbing at a Muggle club. We will not wait around helplessly while our men (boys?) are out having fun, doing Merlin knows what.

.

7pm- Oh my giddy Aunt. A thought just occurred to me- isn't it full moon tonight? Remus will change! The boys are in danger!

.

8pm- Potter residence. None of the boys have told us where they were going camping. We are all v worried. Hopefully Mr Potter knows…

.

11pm- Hmph. Well. I never. Hmph.

Mr Potter _did_ know. We all went, armed and worried sick, to find out that they are _illegal animagi._

Hmph. Sirius is a dog. Hang on… I KNEW I recognised his dog form from somewhere. I just checked back on my entries from school… he fucking heard all that? I'm going to kill him, when I see him again. We didn't approach them when we saw them, because it was too dangerous.

I'll kill him.

Anyway. We're going clubbing now, because we're most certainly not going to restrict ourselves to those boys, who are lying and deceitful. Tata, off to find a nice, sensible muggle boy.

.

11.01pm- So is Lily

.

11.02pm- And Mary. Hurrah! We are all single again. I miss being single…

.

3am- Very drunk. Muggle people are strange. The muggle boys think I'm 'bewitching.' Haha. Maybe that was my problem- wizards. They don't know a good thing when it's in front of them. I'm going to become a muggle tomorrow.

Nite nite.

.

3.10am- GAHHHH parents' wedding tomorrow. Totally forgot. Was supposed to stay the night at their place tonight. Fuck. Have a mountain of letters from mum, asking where I am.

SIRIUS IS MEANT TO COME WITH ME TOO. Blehhh. Too drunk and tired to deal with this right now. Will wake up early, tomorrow, and sort it all out. Sirius said he'd be here by 8am.

.

3.15am- Still so angry he eavesdropped on me like that! He had no right to abuse his (illegal) animagus form. Keep formulating my speech/lecture to him about it. Maybe I should write it down?

.

3.20am- Can't be bothered. Will just be spontaneous and say what comes to mind, tomorrow morning. UGHHH. SO ANGRY!

Will dream of strange, but cute, muggle boys instead. V. good.

* * *

**December 30**

**Weight: 10st 9 (slight improvement)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Alcohol: Lost count**

**Sirius: Forgiven**

**James: Not forgiven (no surprises there)**

**Remus: Forgiven**

**Peter: No one really cared, as no one's going out with him- so forgiven automatically, I suppose**

**Daniel: Never forgiven**

**Slughorn: Married**

**Successful matches made this year: 1 (hurrah!)**

**Parents: Also married again (v. good)**

**.**

6am- Ugh. What time is this. Too early.

.

6.30am- I feel ill. I can't deal with lack of sleep. Going to have a shower to try wake up a bit. Ughhhhh just want to go to bed and die there.

.

7am- Okay, slightly more awake now I've had a hangover tonic, coffee, and some toast. Stomach is not happy, though. Feel v queasy.

.

7.10am- Right. Have got present for Slughorn's wedding wrapped and ready, my outfit looks decent I suppose, hair and make-up are okay… right. Where is Sirius?

Oh that's right. He's busy being a dog. So annoyed with him.

.

7.20am- Agh! Mum just sent me a howler. Eek! Sent her a letter explaining I'd be there shortly after 8. WAY TOO EARLY FOR HOWLERS.

.

7.30am- Hmph. James just arrived, and Lily all but blasted him back out of the flat. She's sending hexes at him down the hallway, screaming 'when were you planning on telling me? Our wedding night? After the birth of our seventh child?'

Haha. Wish she could deal with Sirius like that for me…

.

7.55am- Hehe! Seems she has. She caught him as he was making his way up the hallway and is now hexing him as well. Will let her carry on for a bit. After all, I don't feel the need to save him from her…

.

9am- Hmph. Am in mum's room, ignoring her as she fusses about in her lilac meringue of a dress, shouting at the hired waiters and waitresses for the day.

She, for some reason, has felt it necessary to segregate females from males before the wedding, so I'm stuck with her, while Sirius gets to chill with Jamie and Dad. Hmph. Not fair.

Despite lack of sleep, this morning was actually pretty funny. Sirius managed to escape Lily, and barged into the apartment.

'Mental!' he gasped. I noticed several boils appearing on his arms. 'That girl is absolutely mental. Don't know what Prongs sees in her.'

'I do,' I snapped. 'She's a sensible girl who doesn't want to be lied to and manipulated by her selfish fiancé.'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Aw come on! It's not even a big deal. I don't really see what the fuss is all ab—'

I thrust my diary entry at him.

'Read,' I said venomously. 'This is you, manipulating your animagus form, to eavesdrop on my thoughts.'

Sirius bit his lip.

'Oh… yeah, I forgot about that. Um… yeah, it wasn't great of me, but…'

'YOU HAD NO RIGHT, SIRIUS BLACK!' I shouted. 'NO RIGHT AT ALL!'

'No, um, no I know. I'm uh… sorry.'

'That's pathetic. Why couldn't you just be a man and talk to me? Why hide behind your little disguise?'

Sirius threw up his hands.

'Look, there's not much I can do about it now, is there? I apologised, I admitted it was wrong… what more do you bloody want? Do you want me to get a time-turner and go back in time and tell myself not to do it? You're not perfect, I haven't been perfect this whole time… let it go! It's not like you said anything terribly embarrassing to me, anyway!'

'Well it was private,' I snapped. 'If I wanted you to know about it, I'd have gone up to you and told you.'

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I sort of made a face at him, behind his back…

'Did you just make a face at me?' he said, incredulous.

'No,' I snapped, gathering everything I needed for the marathon day. 'And don't settle yourself in. We're leaving now.'

He rolled his eyes at me again, and I thrust Slughorn's present at him.

'Here. You can carry this for me.'

He pursed his lips and took it from me.

'How are we getting there?'

'I'm apparating us,' I snapped, grabbing his wrist.

Unfortunately, I was so annoyed that I ended up apparating us at the other end of the street.

'This doesn't look right…'

'Shut up and follow me,' I seethed. 'It's just a few houses away.'

'You know, if you turned slightly more to the left when you apparated you'd…'

'I don't care. I get to places just fine, my way.'

'Evidently not,' Sirius muttered. 'We're a few hundred metres away from your place.'

We walked in silence until we reached my place.

'Anna, darling! Thank Merlin you're here. Your mother's been hysterical without you,' said Dad, looking rather nervy himself. 'Oh hello, Sirius.'

'Where do you want this?' Sirius snapped at me.

'Give it here,' I said, taking it and hiding it in a cupboard under the stairs.

'Oh, by the way, congratulations darling! Edinburgh University is wonderful! And to receive a personal letter from the Head of Journalism himself… not bad at all!'

Sirius looked confused as Dad hugged me, but was obviously too stubborn to bother asking me, and I did not feel he was deserving of being informed at that point, so I didn't offer an explanation either.

And so I've been here, bored, ever since. Mm, maybe it's not _that_ bad? Well, no, it is. He shouldn't have done it- and I needed to get that message across… but maybe I don't need to be so mad at him any more. I sort of just feel like snogging him.

And I REALLY want to tell him about Edinburgh! And Australia! After spending the past day being so excited to tell him… it was ruined by his stupid Animagus secret. Hmph.

Aiii mum's going off her rocker now. Better go…

* * *

**Next chapter is the second last chapter! I'm breaking the post of Dec 31/Jan 1 into two chapters, because it's quite long. **

**I'm so sad. This story has been so much fun to write. It's been an incredible journey for me as a writer and as a person, so I'll be so sad to see the end of it! I think Anna has to be my favourite, of all the characters I've written. **

**Your quote:**

'Why?' Daniel laughed. 'Because she's your girlfriend now? We all know what becomes of your girlfriends, Sirius. They all end up sleeping with me—'

**Did you think Daniel was gone for good?**

**Please review!**

**Love, Anya**

**P.S... now is an excellent time to order my book, 'Stained Glass,' if you've been planning on doing so. I don't know if I'll be doing any further online writing after this story :( **


	46. Chapter 46: December 31

**December 31**

**Weight: 10st 9 (slight improvement)**

**Height: 5 ft 5**

**Alcohol: Lost count**

* * *

8am- I'm too tired to be up this early, but I figure I'll sleep in tomorrow so it's okay.

First of all- I can NOT believe that today is the final day of the year! I'm happy, excited, sad and apprehensive all in one. This year has certainly had its ups and downs, but it's been the most important year of my life in so many ways.

So much has happened. I'm a bit nervous as to what next year will bring!

While everyone's still asleep, I'll quickly (if possible) go over what happened yesterday. It was a pretty eventful day!

Where I left off, Sirius and I were still arguing...

Anyway, so mum kept causing a fuss about the catering. Eventually, all the guests had arrived, and it was time for us to go down for the wedding. I found my seat in between Sirius and Jamie in the congregation.

'Not a bridesmaid this time, sis?' Jamie grinned, winking at Sirius.

'No, thank Merlin,' I sighed. 'I've had ruined enough weddings for this year, I think.'

We sat and watched the ceremony which, of course, was over-the-top. Butterflies were released as my dad said his vows, and doves were released after they said their 'I do's.' Seriously- one or the other! Both butterflies AND doves seemed a bit overkill.

Anyway. I actually teared up a bit when my mum said her vows-

'I know I haven't been perfect. There are times when I've been vain, selfish and inconsiderate- but you don't see that. You see all my good qualities, and never fail to point them out. You bring out the best in me. I know you love me and, despite everything, always have. My darling, I want you to know I love you too and, even though they say 'can't teach an old dog new tricks'… I'm only 25, so we've got many years to improve before I get to that stage anyway!'

Everyone laughed at this. Sirius took my hand, and I smiled at him and I think we'd forgiven each other at that point (mainly me forgiving him, but anyway).

I couldn't hold onto my news any longer-

'I'm not going to Australia! Edinburgh accepted me for mid-year entry!'

'Congratulations. And yes, your father and Jamie already told me everything.'

I felt a little disappointed at this.

He kissed my cheek.

'I'm glad you're staying.'

I looked up at him.

'Me too.'

And then he kissed me properly, and the wedding was over and I was needed for photos. Seeing Sirius there just made me so happy, though. It's amazing how much easier family functions become when you have a lovely boyfriend to go with! I'm sure Mother's more pleasant to me—though she generally loves Sirius, so that helps too.

There were a few hours between the wedding and the reception-, which conveniently corresponded with the time of Horace's wedding. We decided when we got to his wedding that we could be excused from attending his reception, as he already had so many people there, and that the wedding was the most important part anyway.

Horace's wedding was so sweet. He and Honey- well, she's now a Slughorn too, I suppose- make such a great couple. It was so lovely to watch them.

'I feel like such a good person,' I said, suffused with pride and happiness, as we stepped out of the church.

Sirius snorted.

'No!' I exclaimed. 'I set them up! Two otherwise sad and lonely people are now happily married… thanks to me, I'd like to say. Give me _some_ credit!'

'Well he certainly _has _lost a lot of weight,' Sirius mused, as Slughorn came up to us.

'Anna,' said Horace, shaking my hand. 'I can't thank you enough.'

'Congratulations, Sir,' I said, truly very happy for him. 'I wish you both the very best.'

'Likewise,' Sirius said, shaking Horace's hand.

As soon as Horace left, I rounded on Sirius, feeling triumphant.

'See!'

'Well done,' he said, hugging me to his side. 'You're an excellent matchmaker and, generally, a top person.'

'Aren't I!'

'Okay, stay humble. I've never seen you so full of yourself.'

I rolled my eyes at him. We were trying to leave the wedding- it was pretty packed- when someone accidentally elbowed me in the ribs.

'Ow!' I exclaimed.

'Oh sorry…'

He blanched as he recognised me- as did I.

'Oh bollocks. Listen, Anna, it was a long time ago. Forget it…'

It was Daniel. I felt so enraged just to see him, that his comments made me want to punch him even more.

'I had no intention of seeing you ever again,' I seethed. 'You're the one who rudely elbowed me.'

'Okay… right…' he drawled, rolling his eyes.

'Is there a problem here?' Sirius said, irritated, from behind me.

I suddenly became a little afraid of what would happen when Sirius realised it was Daniel- for good reason too.

'Just leave me alone,' I snapped at Daniel.

But he was obviously not wanting to let anything go. He had the whiff of stale firewhiskey on him, and I noticed he wasn't wearing a wedding band (not that he ever wore one at school, come to think of it).

Sirius pulled me away when he saw Daniel.

'You leave her alone,' he growled.

'Why?' Daniel laughed. 'Because she's your girlfriend now? We all know what becomes of your girlfriends, Sirius. They all end up sleeping with me—'

Daniel didn't get to finish his sentence, because Sirius' fist collided with his jaw.

'Please don't,' I simpered, on the side. 'There are so many people here…'

But they weren't listening. Forgetting they owned wands, they punched and kicked at each other like a pair of brawling school boys. A small crowd had formed to watch as I hopelessly begged them to stop.

It's not as romantic as the movies make it seem. Each time Daniel punched Sirius, I felt a little sick. Thankfully, Sirius was doing more punching than Daniel was- but even that was a bit scary.

It's not very nice to know just how much physical pain your boyfriend is capable of inflicting on another.

'Melrose, Black, stop this nonsense immediately.'

Good old Minnie. I think I'd missed her a little!

'Now, what is the meaning of this?'

'Black started it,' Melrose panted, pointing at Sirius.

'What are you, Melrose? Ten years old? This is a wedding, for Merlin's sake. Have some respect. As an ex-professor, you ought to know better.'

Seems like he was sacked, after all.

'And you, Mr Black… I always expected better of you than a squib-like brawl.'

Sirius was too busy glaring daggers at Melrose. The fact his nose was bleeding obviously didn't bother him too much.

'Off you go, the pair of you. And don't let me catch you two brawling again!'

I helped Sirius away, and apparated us back to my old bedroom at my parents' place.

He winced and clutched at his side.

'Where does it hurt?'

Sirius grimaced.

'I think I cracked a rib. It's okay. I'll be fine…'

'We should take you to hospital!' I exclaimed, worried.

He laughed and gingerly lay back on my bed.

'No, it's fine. They won't do anything other than give me some pain meds.'

'I'll go see if we have any…'

'No don't…'

But I left anyway. I also went and found a tea towel for his nose.

'Here,' I said, giving him a vial of pain-killer potion. 'It's apparently the 'non-drowsy' version so hopefully you won't get too high this time.'

He took it and downed it in one.

'That's better. Thanks.'

'Here… your nose.'

I dabbed at his nose slowly, cleaning the blood away. When it was all clear, I put the towel down and hugged him. He cringed a little.

'Sorry… I forgot.'

'It's okay.'

'You have to forget him, you know,' I sighed, lying back on the bed with him. 'You can't duel him each time you cross paths.'

Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose.

'He's just such an arsehole. I'm sorry, but I couldn't just sit back and let him talk to you like that. Okay, forget Helen- and even forgetting what he did to you- I can't stand by and just watch someone- anyone- insult you.

I kissed his cheek.

'Thank you. You didn't have to- but thank you.'

We lay there for a while.

'How long do we have until your parents' reception?'

I glanced at the clock.

'We've got a couple of hours.'

So we slept for the next two hours. I seriously needed that sleep, from the lack of sleep the night before… even though I had half a mind to shag him there and then. There was something very adorable about seeing him in that very manly, yet sensitive and slightly broken, state.

He really is lovely.

Anyway, soon enough we both woke up- groggy and a little cranky- and smoothed ourselves out for the reception. As I was trying to fix my hair- which was sticking out at odd angles- Jamie burst into the room.

'Oh,' he said, disappointed. 'You guys _still _aren't shagging?'

I chucked my hairbrush at him. I missed.

'Were you _expecting_ to walk in on us?' I said incredulously. 'That's gross, Jamie.'

He rolled his eyes and sunk down onto my bean bag, not saying anything.

'Is there anything you wanted, Jamie?' I said, confused as to why he was there.

'Huh? Oh no, not really. It's just mind-numbingly boring out there, so I thought- if you two weren't otherwise occupied- I'd join you instead.'

I shrugged and kept carrying about my _toilette._

'So, Sirius,' Jamie said, evidently in the mood for causing trouble. 'Of Lily and Mary, who do you think is fittest? Obviously we have to leave Anna out, because you're _supposed_ to say she's the fittest…'

'I do actually think she is anyway,' Sirius replied (awww love him).

'Okay… sure,' Jamie said, rolling his eyes. 'Now, objectively, who do you think is fittest- Mary or Lily?'

'Excluding personality?'

Jamie nodded.

Sirius looked torn.

'See… Maybe… no, but her personality just gets in my way _every single time_, and Mary's pretty fun, as well as being fit….'

'Excluding personality, Sirius.'

Sirius shrugged.

'I prefer Mary.'

'That's interesting,' Jamie pondered. 'Why?'

Sirius shrugged.

'Don't really have a thing for red-heads. Mary's got a good smile too. I'm sure Evans would be prettier if she actually smiled once in a while…'

'Sirius and Lily don't always get along very well,' I informed Jamie.

Sirius shrugged.

'Even so… I know you say not to include personality, but it changes the way they look. Mary just looks like a fun, easy-going but intelligent sort of girl who any guy would probably want to hang out with. It takes someone with a strong masochistic complex to attempt to go out with Lily. Luckily, she's found such a man so I guess it works for both of them.'

Jamie stroked his chin in a manner that reminded me of Dumbledore- ahhh Dumbledore's beard! I nearly forgot about it! Hmmm… maybe can buy Sirius a fake beard… may be conducive to shagging? Perhaps?

Maybe not for the first time…

'You think James can do better?' Jamie asked.

Sirius seemed a little surprised at the statement.

'Well… 'better' seems the wrong word to use. I think Lily is… Okay, look. She's great. She's smart, she's beautiful, she's definitely 'wife material,' she's sensible and you know she'd be a great mum. If you were looking for the ultimate woman to settle down with and lead a pretty comfortable life, without much drama, she's probably it. And…'

Sirius now looked torn.

'I suppose James is the sort that doesn't care for fuss. He likes to have his fun, but I _suppose_ he's more simple in that he's not one to really be interested in the highs and lows you might get with a crazier girl. He doesn't really get it, or find it attractive- nor does he find it exciting. Sure, he and Lily are fighting almost all the time, but it's different. I think James likes stability…. So, in a way, Lily is probably his perfect girl… Ugh. Don't tell him I said that.'

I was pretty impressed. No one has ever been able to get Sirius to admit this fact before so… kudos to Jamie.

'What do you think, Anna?'

I shrugged.

'I've thought that all along. They've always been right for each other. They're both quite traditional, when it comes down to it, I think.'

Sirius nodded.

'Traditional is the word I was looking for. If you knew James' parents, I suppose it'd make sense. Lily's a lot like his mum.'

Jamie snorted.

'I've always thought every man- straight man, in any case- tries to marry a girl just like his mother.'

Jamie paused.

'Doesn't look good for you, dear Anna. You're _nothing_ like Walburga.'

Sirius snorted.

'I suppose your rule might apply to men who actually _like _their mothers. You're forgetting, Jamie- I ran away from mine.'

Jamie shrugged.

'I suppose that makes you a special case. Now, Anna… who is fittest, in your opinion- James, Remus, or… the runty one, I forget his name…'

'Peter?'

'Yes, him. Who do you think is fittest?'

I sighed.

'I often change my mind. For one, I can say Peter is definitely out.'

'Fair enough. I don't think anyone's arguing with you there.'

'Remus is very changeable. At times he can be oozing manliness and sex appeal… at others, he's the most effeminate man I've ever seen. He's very confusing.'

Sirius snorted.

'But James… is pretty consistently fit- especially on a broomstick- so… I think I'm going to have to go with James.'

I paused.

'But in terms of shagability… I've heard a lot of good regarding Remus.'

'Make a decision, Anna,' Jamie said, laughing. 'Shagability, or looks?'

I smiled.

'That's why I'm with Sirius!'

Jamie rolled his eyes.

'Well, _I _personally think you struck the jackpot- don't know how you did it, but you did. He's definitely the best looking of them all.'

Sirius looked so smug I wanted to slap him.

'Please don't boost his ego. He sometimes has a problem with it being over-inflated.'

'But in terms of James and Remus… I think I'd choose Remus,' Jamie concluded.

'That's because you're gay!' I cried. 'Your gaydar is choosing Remus as a protective mechanism!'

'So you think James is the fittest, then?' Sirius questioned me.

I shrugged.

'Yeah, I suppose.'

'Hmm,' Jamie pondered.

We sat in silence for a short while. Thankfully, Jamie changed the subject-

'Oh, by the way, I was fishing through old photo albums for a cute photo of myself in my younger years- baby contest for charity, don't ask- and I came across this photo. I may be mistaken, but it looks like you and Sirius were play-mates as kids. Funny, huh?'

He handed me a picture and I couldn't help smiling. I guess Mother was right- I _did _used to play naked with Sirius in his paddling pool…

I handed the photo to Sirius and he laughed.

'How is it we stopped being friends until this year?' he wondered. 'Forgive me if this is insensitive, but I don't remember playing with you as a kid.'

'Neither,' I said. 'It's funny how the world works, I suppose.'

'Hmm.'

Jamie sighed.

'Ahh, young love. Seems like our Mother's greatest dream has come true. After all that time allowing you to nakedly fraternise with boys as a child… she finally helped you land a Black.'

I chucked a pillow at Jamie- missing him, yet again.

Note to self: work on aim in the New Year.

We then noticed that we were half an hour late to our parents' reception, so we bolted down to the ballroom, where we stole a bottle of firewhiskey and proceeded to get very drunk in the corner of the ballroom.

Mother, however, was still able to find us pretty easily.

'Oh hello darlings,' she trilled. 'This is Magda. She's a lovely girl who just finished her Healer Internship. She's only 23. Don't you think she's lovely?'

The poor girl looked very embarrassed. After all, we all knew what was going on.

'Hi Magda,' I said apologetically.

'Hi,' she whispered, mortified.

'Magda, this is Anna and her boyfriend Sirius- they're practically engaged.'

I WANTED TO KILL HER.

'No we're not,' I said through gritted teeth.

'Don't worry,' Sirius whispered, patting my arm.

'And this is my son, Jamie. He's a top quidditch player, you know! He plays for the Jamaican team- which is why he's all lovely and tanned.'

We all- including Magda- stared at Mother, flabbergasted at her lack of tact.

'Jamie, you're not doing anything- stop hanging around Anna and Sirius. Why don't you ask Magda to dance?'

Magda blushed furiously and mumbled something about not dancing.

'I'm gay,' Jamie blurted out. 'So if you fancy a dance and nothing more, then I am all up for that. I just thought I should warn you, because my darling mother, here, seems to think it's 'just a phase' that I'll get over should I meet the right girl. While you seem lovely- you really do- I'm afraid she's wasting your time on me.'

'How dare you!' snapped Mum. 'You little…'

They started squabbling.

'Let's get away,' I whispered, grabbing both Sirius and Magda and making for the balcony.

When we reached the balcony, we noticed Regulus in his usual spot, puffing away. Sirius hesitated, and I nodded for him to go join his brother for another silent smoking session.

'I'm so embarrassed,' whispered Magda. 'I wish my parents would stop trying to fix me up.'

I shrugged.

'Don't worry. We're all used to it. We know it's not you.'

'But that's just it!' Magda sighed. 'I _have_ a boyfriend. He's lovely- his name's Jeremy, and he's just graduated from Wizarding Law. I love him, and we want to get married. My parents just won't accept it though!'

'Is he muggle-born?' I asked sympathetically.

Magda shook her head.

'No- well, he's half-half, but that's not the issue. It's because his family's not well-off. They don't see it as a 'favourable match!''

I nodded, feeling sorry for the poor girl.

'Just stay with him. If he's right for you, then you keep him. Your family will accept it eventually, I'm sure.'

Magda rolled her eyes.

'Sure. When they're not trying to fix me up with a gay quidditch star, or an engaged investment banker… Ugh!'

I smiled.

'I like you. How come I've never noticed you at these gatherings before?'

'Oh, I was too busy doing my internship and training. Tonight is a rare night off.'

'And you're spending it here?' I exclaimed, feeling sorry for her. 'Poor you. No offence, but you need to get a life.'

A waiter came past with champagne, and I picked up two flutes.

'Here- drink. You look like you need it.'

She downed the glass quickly, and then reached for another.

'Merlin, I hate my life.'

'That doesn't sound too good,' Jamie murmured from behind us. 'Hi, I'm Jamie. Sorry about all of that.'

'It's okay,' I said to him. 'She's engaged, herself. Her family doesn't approve.'

'And so they'd rather set you up with a gay instead? Wow, he must really be a shocker!'

We all laughed.

'I have a little something that may make tonight a little more bearable,' Jamie said with a wink, holding up a plastic bag of weed. 'Shall we?'

'Yes please!' Magda exclaimed enthusiastically.

I hesitated.

'Aw c'mon Anna, loosen up. It'll probably do you some good.'

'Okay fine,' I shrugged. 'But ask Sirius and Regulus too.'

And so the five of us- very unlikely group, I might add- went down to the gazebo and smoked weed for the next hour. I'm not sure why- not that I'm a seasoned spliff smoker or anything- but I totally freaked out. It was HORRIBLE.

I kept on having these horrible thoughts of harming myself, and then became really paranoid about everyone else and wouldn't let anyone near me. I literally lost my mind. It was THE SCARIEST moment of my life.

Thankfully, Magda is a Healer, so she conjured up some kind of potion, which reversed the effects of the weed, and I promptly became normal.

I refused to smoke any more- and never will, ever again. The problem with that, though, was that I was the only sober one amongst four very strange people. Sirius became very chatty- odd, I know. Regulus became a bit teary, and Jamie and Magda were clutching at each other, saying they loved each other. It was pretty funny, actually-

'Magda,' Jamie said seriously. 'If I wasn't gay, I would marry you tomorrow. Screw trying to spite my mother, you are a beautiful and intelligent girl. You're actually confusing me a bit. You are so amazing. I love you.'

'I love you too!' Magda cried.

Then, Mother came… which was very strange.

'Oh, there you all are. What are you doing?'

Jamie quickly hid the joint behind his back. The others spluttered.

'We're just talking, Mum,' I said.

'Hmm. I see you two are getting along,' she said, nodding to Jamie and Magda.

'We love each other,' Jamie said stoically. 'But we can never be.'

Magda shook her head sadly.

'No, we can never be.'

At that point, Mum became suspicious.

'Why is there smoke coming from behind you, Jamie? Are you… Goodness, are you lot smoking marijuana? At my own residence! Don't you know that the High Commissioner of Justice is here tonight? Put that out at once!'

'This?' Jamie said, showing her the joint. 'It's a white slug. We were seeing what would hic…happen to it… hic…'

Mother summoned it and chucked it away. Everyone groaned.

'Fie for shame! Stay away from the ballroom. I don't want you lot embarrassing or ruining my party. Magda, I expected better of you.'

And with that, she swept away, like a flash of lilac.

'She doesn't like me,' Magda said sadly.

I cracked open a fresh bottle of firewhiskey- not wanting to be too sober.

'She doesn't like anyone but herself, Magda,' I said reassuringly. 'Cheer up.'

'She took away the slug,' Sirius said sadly. 'I want more.'

'I think you've had quite enough,' I said, swilling down firewhiskey like it was going out of fashion.

'You're one to talk. Why do you drink so much?'

'I like it,' I snapped. 'Leave me alone.'

By the time I was through half the bottle, my vision was _extremely_ blurry. I was feeling very free too.

'Sirius,' I said, clutching at his arm as we all trekked through the garden. 'I think I love you. Just a little, anyway.'

I turned to Regulus.

'And you, Regulus. You don't say much. Actually, you barely say anything at all. Your mother's a bitch, but you seem okay. If I wasn't with Sirius, and you weren't quite so young, I'm sure I might like you too.'

We gasped as we bumped into none other than Walburga. Sirius whimpered and hid behind me.

'Regulus, we're leaving now,' she said sternly.

'She's so big and scary,' Regulus gasped aloud.

We all started giggling.

'Excuse me?' Walburga screeched. 'Regulus, you will come this instant.'

I hugged him to me instinctively. I can't believe I found the courage to say what I did. I suppose alcohol really does make you very disinhibited.

'Why are you so mean?' I cried. 'Regulus would be so much nicer if you hugged him once in a while. Can't you just let him stay and have fun with us?'

She ignored me, and grabbed Regulus by the ear.

'We're leaving. You're in _BIG_ trouble when we get home, do you hear me?'

Sirius' grip on my arm became vice-like.

'NO!' Regulus shouted. I want to stay!'

He wiggled from under her grip, and ran back to us. Walburga's face became white as a sheet.

'Well if you want to end up blasted off the family tree,' she whispered icily. 'Then be it so.'

She swept away. Regulus was shaking next to me.

'She's so scary,' he whispered. 'I'm always so scared. Did I just tell her 'no'?'

He gasped.

'What did I do?'

I watched Walburga warily.

'Stay with us tonight, but go back tomorrow. She just needs to cool off some steam.'

And so the five of us continued to drink and do silly things. I can't really remember what happened after that. I remember pulling Sirius into a rosebush to snog him, which was really painful, and I'm pretty sure I was begging him to shag me at some point- but then he ran to the bathroom to throw up, so we gave up on that concept.

It's all a bit of a blur. When I woke up, we were all sleeping in my room. Jamie and Magda were lying together on the beanbag, hugging each other. Regulus was curled up on my armchair, I was on the floor (not comfortable), and Sirius was sprawled all over my bed.

Regulus woke up at around seven, and was so upset I had to take him outside.

'What's wrong?' I said, trying to calm him down as he hyperventilated.

'She's… she's going to kill me!' he exclaimed. 'I can't run away! I'm not like Sirius…'

I sighed.

'No you're not. Look, we were all pretty silly last night, and I myself am sorry for what I think I said. I suggest you just go home, and apologise for your behaviour. Blame me. Say I gave you alcohol and you didn't realise it was strong and how I'm such a bad influence yadayada. I don't mind.'

'I can't do that,' he said, looking guilty already.

'Really, it's okay.'

'She won't let me come to your family functions again, after this,' he said sadly. 'I kind of liked them.'

I bit my lip.

'It's been good to see you and Sirius hanging out a bit- even if you don't say much to each other.'

He nodded silently.

'You're good for him, you know,' he said, looking up at me. 'He seems happy when he's with you. Take care of him, won't you?'

I smiled.

'Of course. You know… I'm sure he'd take you in if you did run away. He'd probably be really happy to have you.'

Regulus smiled a little.

'Yeah… but I don't really want to run away. It might seem strange, but I do love my parents. I think they were always harsher on Sirius, though. Or maybe he rubbed them the wrong way too. I don't know. I don't really want to run away, though. Also, I could never do it to them. Sirius doesn't know, but it really devastated them- even though they refuse to show it.'

I felt sad at this. Sirius, I know, is sad that it came to that point… and they were too stubborn to ever show they cared. If only they weren't so frigid with their emotions, maybe they'd be a slightly happy, but dysfunctional family.

'Anyway, I'd better go now. I need to buy mum her favourite macarons on my way there. It always softens her up a bit…'

He kissed my cheek, chucked some floo powder into the fireplace, and floo-d away.

Now I'm watching Sirius sleep. I kind of dislike that he has this tragic history to him. It makes it very difficult to get annoyed at him when he's being annoying, because I always feel sorry for him.

.

11am- Sirius' place.

Mum barged into the room and screamed at us for 'embarrassing her' last night, and for sleeping in such an indecorous and inappropriate manner. I think she said something along the lines of '_my house is not a brothel_.'

Hmph.

Anyway. We all said our goodbyes quickly- I made Magda promise to hang out with us again- and then Sirius and I went to his place to start getting ready for tonight. I'm so excited!

He looked around the room in the morning when he woke up, and I know he was looking for Regulus. I told him he left earlier, and he simply shrugged, as though he didn't care.

BUT HE DOES! I JUST WANT TO SLAP THAT ENTIRE BLACK FAMILY.

Anyway. I have to help Sirius in the kitchen now. Am actually looking forward to it, as I am quite a good cook, these days, thanks to Miss M.

Note to self: visit Miss M's grave tomorrow. I really haven't gone enough in this Christmas season, and I feel terrible. Will go tomorrow, though.

.

1 pm- Bedroom, my place.

Bloody Sirius. I'm just feel like… UGH! He's SO annoying.

JUST because I haven't ALWAYS been the best cook, it doesn't mean I don't know how to cook now. He's SO stubborn. Just like his mother. I am not apologetic for telling him so, either.

HE DOESN'T KNOW EVERYTHING. I know he likes to think he's an expert chef, but the way he's roasting that chicken, it'll be dry as cardboard by tonight.

GRRR.

We just had a massive argument. His attitude was terrible from the word go, though. Before we started, he looked at me warily.

'Can I trust you with the chicken?'

CAN HE TRUST ME? WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

'Yes,' I said, trying to ignore the jab. 'I've made roast chicken plenty of times since Miss M taught me.'

'Okay, good,' he sighed. 'I need to work on prepping the pork belly. Just ask me if you have any questions.'

And so I was preparing the chicken the way Miss M taught me. The way, I might add, that has only yielded perfectly moist and tasty chickens thus far.

Hmph.

Anyway, he came over, took my chicken out of the brine I was soaking it in, and said I was being silly and it was unnecessary.

He also told me that I was ridiculous for wanting to slow-roast the bird at such a low temperature, and that we'll put it in the oven an hour before everyone arrives so that, by the time we eat, it'll be ready.

BUT IT WILL BE DRY THAT WAY. MISS M TOLD ME SO.

GRRR.

I was very diplomatic, at first-

'I know that's one way of making chicken,' I said, trying to check my patience, 'but I find this way yields much better results.'

He laughed.

'Look, Anna, we don't have enough time to go off to the shops to purchase a bird when your little experiment results in an exploded bird. Let's just do it this way.'

I crossed my arms.

'I've done it this way before. It's very good.'

'I'm sure it is. How about you make it that way on a day when we won't have people coming over?'

I stamped my foot.

'Why can't I make the chicken my way. You focus on your pork belly. I can do this. I'm not bad at cooking any more, you know!'

Sirius tugged at his hair.

'Okay, I believe you. But this is my kitchen and I want to do it _my _way for tonight. OK?'

'Why are you so stubborn! Everything has to be done YOUR way. Well I happen to think Miss M knew more on cooking than you, and I think we should do it HER way.'

'We're not getting into this now, Anna,' he snapped, taking the container off me.

I reached over and tried to tug it from him.

'Give that back. Don't you…'

'Anna, let go.'

'No.'

'Stop being stubborn!'

'_I'm_ being stubborn? ME?'

He then pulled the container off me and proceeded to pour the brine down the sink.

'Unnecessary,' he muttered. 'Honestly. This isn't a joke. We're having people over.'

'I think you mean _you're_ having people over,' I snapped. 'Seeing as you've made it very clear I'm not co-hosting this party with you.'

I tugged at my hair, getting _really_ annoyed as I watched him put the chicken back in the fridge, saying to himself 'I'll sort it out after the pork belly.'

'You're so stubborn! You say you ran away from your mother… but you're no different! You're a bloody control freak!'

He turned around slowly. He looked livid.

'Did you just say…'

'Yes,' I snapped. 'You and your mother are one and the same. I know you like to pretend to be all sensitive and touchy on it, but she's your mother. Get over it. All parents can be arseholes at one point or another.'

'You have _no_ idea,' he whispered, his voice shaking.

'Sure. Okay, you keep playing the tortured 'lonely boy' card. I know you like playing that act. So much so, that I won't keep you from playing it anymore. I'm leaving.'

I stormed out of the kitchen and went to the living room to get my bag.

'Where are you going?' he shouted.

'AWAY. Anywhere, but your totalitarian kitchen. Goodbye.'

And so now I'm back at home, with Lily and Mary. They think it was most unfair of him to be so rude over my chicken- especially as it yields truly excellent results. They know this, as they have had Miss M's special roast chicken recipe on numerous occasions, and love it. Hmph.

I'm going to go for a walk. Should do some exercise anyway.

.

2pm- Hah. I've bought a chicken and am going to prepare it MY way so that, by the time we go to his place at 9pm, it will be perfect.

And he'll see my chicken is better than his. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Take THAT.

.

3pm- Chicken is soaking in brine. V good.

Is it worrying that Sirius and I are arguing so much? Why is this? Mary seems to think it's all the built up sexual tension.

Well I don't care. There's no way he's getting a shag from me tonight… or any night soon, with his terrible attitude.

.

5pm- Har har. Sirius just sent an owl to James requesting his help in the kitchen. I forsee a dry- and mutilated (with James' carving skills)- chicken. Me and my excellent Seer skills.

Hmm, may make brownies as well for tonight. Or is that too much? Probably. Lily has made a cheesecake, Mary is making mini quiches… I think it's enough. Will start slow-roasting chicken now.

.

6pm- Grr. Lily is baking her stupid cheesecake and needs the oven at a high temperature. Bloody Sirius has two ovens. Is there no end to his excessiveness? TWO OVENS? What does he need them for?

Anyway. Can't very well go back there and bring my contraband bird with me and expect him to allow me to roast it in one of his (TWO) ovens.

Will go over to parents' place.

.

6.30pm- UHHHHHH PLUCK OUT MINE EYES!

I just walked in on my parents… Merlin, I can't even write it. Was so horrific. I want to gouge my eyes out.

Anyway. Was v awkward. I didn't actually see anything- thank Circe- but simply knowing they were… _doing it_… was bad enough.

Chicken is roasting perfectly in their oven. Will redo nails and fix hair so look lovely tonight. Bloody Sirius. He makes me so angry.

.

7pm- Jamie is hanging out with me and the chicken. He even painted my toenails for me! He's spending New Years with the parentals as Tom is spending it with his family, who still don't know about Jamie, or Tom being gay, for that matter.

Poor Jamie. He doesn't want to come tonight to Sirius' place because a) he feels is probably not wise for me to bring an extra guest when Sirius and I have just had a fight (even though Sirius himself invited him only this morning) and b) he doesn't want to intrude on our group's gathering.

Hmph. He now keeps laughing at me for walking in on parents. I would much rather forget it, thanks. He keeps reminding me. Ughhhh.

.

7.30pm- I don't want to go any more. I just want to spend the evening with Jamie. We could invite Regulus and Magda and have another top night. Who needs Sirius…

.

8pm- Hmph. Just got a note from Lily:

_Sirius just wrote to me asking if you're still coming. I'm not sure why I have to play 'the messenger' for you two, but… are you still coming?_

_-L_

_._

Grrr. I suppose I have to. Though, to be honest, I highly suspect Sirius' asking Lily if I'm still coming is less about his caring about my presence, and more about not wanting to ruin his table setting.

THAT BOY INFURIATES ME SO BLOODY MUCH. Still can't believe he was so rude about my chicken.

I swear he was more polite to me when we were just friends. I'm not sure why I took it upon myself to attempt dating him a second time. The first time was so disastrous that it seems masochistic of me to even consider putting myself through the whole thing a second time.

.

8.30pm- Chicken looks wonderful. Ha ha. Am going to turn up heat now to brown the skin.

Don't particularly feel like seeing Sirius. If continues to be rude to me, I'm afraid I will be a singleton once more in the New Year.

OH MY GOODNESS! The year's nearly over. Aiiiii.

Okay, going to get dressed. What to wear… hmm? Will ask Jamie's opinion. I want something that is sexy, but not slutty. Classy, yet sexy.

.

8.45pm- Ugh. Why does Mary still attempt to flirt with Jamie? I've told her he's gay.

Maybe Mary has a penchance for gay men though? Remus… Jamie… hmm. She ought to look into it.

.

8.50pm- Ouch. She hit me for that.

Okay. Jamie has picked out a little black dress because, according to him, 'black is the only sexy colour, and one can never go wrong with a well-cut 'little black dress,' _darling!'_

Going to try it on now.

.

8.55pm- Okay, we've gone with a slightly floatier black dress, as that other one was too little to fit over my thighs. Harrumph.

MUST DIET SUCCESSFULLY IN THE NEW YEAR! NO EXCUSES!

Okay. Just going to spray some Malkin No 5 on, fetch the chicken from parents' place, and then return so we can all go to Sirius' place together.

STRENGTH IN NUMBERS. Oh Merlin, I hope tonight ends okay. I'd rather not start the New Year fighting…

* * *

**HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! As V-Day is a day for love, I am showing my love for all of you by providing you with this new chapter!**

**Next chapter is the FINAL chapter! **

_'Okay. I think our BIGGEST problem thus far has been the lack of Sirius nudity. I mean, that boy is built like a Greek god. Not even joking.'_

**Now it's YOUR turn to show your love, with a review! **

**Lots of love,**

**Anya**

**P.S. Same story re: my book etc... only one chapter left, so order now if you want to have some more of my writing to read once this is over! )**


	47. Chapter 47: December 31 & Resolutions

**(Technically) January 1**

**Weight: 10st 9**

**Height: 5ft 5**

**Boyfriends: 1 (v. good)**

**Shags: 2 (excellent!)**

**Lust for Sirius: Somewhat satisfied at the moment, but ever present**

**Friends: Wonderful**

* * *

4am- Everyone's asleep right now. Well, almost everyone- I hear moaning from the other room. I suspect Mary and Remus have forgotten to put a silencing charm on their room… Hold on…

.

4.10am- Okay, that's better. I probably ought to sleep, but I want to finish this diary properly by wrapping up the entire year and, also, I still need to finish recounting the events of last night.

FIRST OF ALL… I FINALLY DID IT! YAY!

Okay but, before we get onto that, I must return to when I was still very stroppy with Sirius (for good reason)-

Us three girls apparated to Sirius' place, each holding our offering protectively. James answered the door for us, and we couldn't help bursting out in laughter when we saw him. He hands were covered in bandages, and he looked very flustered. He also had flour all over his face and- somehow- his hair too.

'Goodness, James!' Lily exclaimed. 'What on earth happened to you?'

James glowered.

'Thank Merlin you're here. You can take over in the kitchen. He's a nightmare. A right dictator, he is!'

We laughed and entered the house. I went to go in, but James stopped me.

'Oh I don't see why you're laughing, Miss Anna,' he snapped. 'It's you who put him in that stroppy mood in the first place. Did you _actually_ tell him he's just like his mother?'

Mary and Lily gasped.

'You said that?' breathed Mary. 'To _Sirius?'_

I crossed my arms.

'He deserved it.'

James peered at me.

'I thought you'd be a nice, placid girlfriend for Sirius. I am now starting to think you'd give Helen Asteria a run for her money.'

Lily hit James' arm.

'Stop comparing Anna to Sirius' ex. It's inappropriate.'

'It's okay, Lily,' I said. 'Perhaps, James, Sirius ought to take that as a hint- a hint that, perhaps, he is the problem in driving all his girlfriends crazy!'

'James!' called Sirius from the kitchen. 'What's keeping you! I need you to stir this pot!'

'Use magic,' James shouted. 'I'm done with you and that kitchen!'

'Magic is automatic. I need to you to sit there and watch it and stir it appropriately… oh hello girls,' said Sirius, as he noticed us in the hallway.

'I made vol au vents,' Mary said proudly.

'Cheesecake, as promised,' Lily said.

'Thank you… you can put the cheesecake on the kitchen table, and the vol au vents on the coffee table. We'll wait in the living room and have the hors d'oeuvres there, I think.'

Lily, Mary and James couldn't have escaped any quicker.

Sirius looked at me- rather coldly, I might add.

'And what is that?' he said distastefully.

'Oh this?' I said brightly. 'It's _my _roast chicken. I did it my way. It didn't explode.'

Sirius sniffed affectedly.

'We already have a chicken.'

'Yes, well, there's quite a lot of us so I'm sure two chickens might actually be more appropriate anyway.'

I paused.

'Especially seeing as one will be bone dry.'

He grabbed the tray from me.

'We're not serving this chicken,' he hissed, storming back to the kitchen, and chucking it on the kitchen table.

'Don't you throw my chicken about like that! I cooked that with love!'

'No,' he snapped. 'You cooked it out of spite!'

'Well there doesn't seem to be much love in _your_ cooking today,' I snapped. 'Your pork belly hasn't even crackled!'

Sirius tugged at his hair.

'I don't know why it's not working,' he groaned. 'Anna, don't do this to me now. Your chicken will be cold by the time we eat, in half an hour, anyway.'

'Oh no,' I said brightly, 'it'll actually be perfect. It'll have had a chance to rest so that all the juices are nicely sealed up. Also, I put a charm on it so it stays perfectly warm without cooking any further.'

He shot me a foul look.

'Did you do something to my pork belly, before you left? You did, didn't you?'

I snorted.

'No! Why on earth would I do anything to your pork belly?'

'To get back at me for not doing the chicken your way. Why wouldn't the crackling work? You must've cursed it!'

We started shouting at each other again. I was so mad that he thought I'd be so petty to curse his cooking (note to self: do this in the future, if he's acting like a git hehe). At one point, I got so angry that I picked up his apple sauce and chucked it out in the garden.

'HOW DARE YOU!' he screeched, red in the face. 'I've just spent the past hour perfecting that sauce!'

'Well,' I said (rather cruelly), 'seeing as your pork belly turned out so badly, we'll have no need for it, will we?'

He actually chased me out of the kitchen at this point. I hid behind James.

'Sirius, calm down,' Lily snapped at him. 'Honestly, you two!'

Remus and Peter had arrived in the meantime.

'She threw my apple sauce in the garden!' Sirius screeched. 'Do you know how perfect it was?'

'Sirius, we just want to hang out with everyone and enjoy the New Year,' Mary said fairly. 'While we appreciate the effort you've gone to, you don't need to work yourself up so much over dinner. I'm sure it'll be wonderful anyway.'

'Anna,' Lily said, turning to me, 'apologise to Sirius.'

'_Apologise!' _I exclaimed, indignant. 'No bloody way.'

'You threw out his apple sauce.'

'And cursed my pork belly,' Sirius added.

'I DID NOT!' I protested. 'Yes, I chucked out your apple sauce- you were being such a prat… but I certainly didn't curse your bloody pork belly. I wouldn't know how to!'

'All the same, Anna,' said Lily patiently. 'You ought to apologise for throwing out Sirius' apple sauce. While he hasn't been wholly correct in how he's treated you today, it was not very nice of you to throw out the sauce he obviously spent ages labouring over.'

Sirius looked at me, slightly triumphant.

'No.'

'Anna…'

'Okay fine,' I said. 'I'm sorry your apple sauce was thrown out… even though you deserved it. You've been SUCH a prat to me, today. All I wanted to do was have a nice, relaxed day of cooking with you so we could have a nice party in this mansion of a house of yours. But no. You had to spoil it.'

The others quietly slipped out of the living room.

'Well…' he said, lost for words. 'Okay, fine. I'm sorry. Maybe I should've just let you do the chicken your way. I just wanted everything to be perfect for you today.'

'For me?' I said, confused.

'Yes! For you- you asked me to host this party, and I wanted to make it really nice. I know I can get a bit stroppy and like everything to be done my way in my kitchen- I'm sorry, that's just how I am- but I just wanted it to be nice.'

I was a bit touched by this.

'Oh.'

He looked down at his hands, and I chewed my lip, actually feeling bad about chucking out his apple sauce.

'I'm sorry too. I don't think you're actually like your mother- though I will always maintain you're equally stubborn.'

He said nothing.

'And I'm sorry about what I said about you… and the family situation. I know you haven't told me everything, but I know they were actually very horrible to you.'

I paused.

'And I'm sorry about the apple sauce and, even though I swear I didn't curse your pork belly- I'm sorry it didn't turn out like you wanted.'

He smiled a little.

'It's okay, I always knew you didn't curse it. I guess it was easier to blame you than accept it didn't turn out how I'd planned.'

I was really chewing at my lip by this point. It was starting to hurt... but the tension between us was so intense I felt I would burst!

'Want me to help you re-make the apple sauce?'

He nodded quietly, and we walked into the kitchen. All the others jumped away from the doorway quickly.

'Sirius,' Lily said, recovering the fastest. 'Your pork belly isn't ruined. I think it just needs a bit more time.'

He shrugged.

'Mary, chop up apples for another batch of apple sauce. James… stay away. You've done enough damage for one day. Actually, James, set the table. Remus, watch over him and ensure his table setting is tasteful.'

'Peter, you help me with the salad… and you two can sort out the rest. Please don't start arguing though, as I would like to eat dinner sometime this year.'

'Har har,' I said sarcastically.

Anyway, so Sirius (mainly) fixed his pork belly. I discovered Sirius' chicken wasn't quite so dry as I had predicted it would be and that it too, in fact, was quite moist.

After half an hour, we stood back and looked at all the food we'd created.

'Not bad,' I mused.

'Hmm.'

He looked at me and nudged me.

'Not a bad _sous chef_… in the end. Just make sure you enrol yourself in an anger management course before we open up a restaurant.'

'Speak for yourself,' I said, grinning.

I really wanted to snog him then… but obviously everyone else was in the kitchen working on their tasks, so we couldn't.

'I'm just going to change quickly,' he whispered, squeezing my waist before he nipped off.

I hesitated, but then decided I needed to tell him something in private- and then snog him a bit too.

'Sirius, I've been thinking…'

I gaped a little as I took in his almost-naked form. He was about to take off his boxers when he saw me. He quickly hoisted them back up.

'Anna… um… something wrong?'

Okay. I think our BIGGEST problem thus far has been the lack of Sirius nudity. I mean, that boy is built like a Greek god. Not even joking. It's supremely depressing, because I'm so pudgy and flawed compared to his perfect body.

'Uhm…..'

To be honest, my mind turned to sludge when I saw him. So much so, that I decided that the only appropriate thing to do would be to shag him then and there. I know, I know… after um-ing and ah-ing all this time when all it took in the end was seeing him in nothing but boxer shorts.

No need to tell me I'm ridiculous. I've known it all my life.

Anyway, I must have looked a bit brain dead, because he came up to me, looking concerned.

'Are you okay? You've gone really pale. Do you want to lie down for a bit?'

(Probably because all the blood had left my head and rushed south…)

'No,' I whispered, my voice suddenly very gravelly. 'I… uh…'

I was finding it pretty difficult to string a coherent sentence together, so I decided just to kiss him instead. He kissed me back pretty enthusiastically.

'Well, now, that's the best thing you've done all day,' he said.

I grinned.

'I can raise you one on that,' I whispered, kissing him back.

He pushed me back, eyes wide.

'N…now?' he spluttered.

I shrugged, and sent a silencing charm at the door.

'Why not? I don't very well want to wait until next year…'

He didn't need any more convincing. He kissed me again and then we fell on the bed and then… yadayada, we shagged. AND IT WAS AMAZING. V. good.

He truly is a sex god. Hmm, I'm trying to figure out what- aside from the fact I really like him- made it so good. I think it's because he was considerate about making it good for _me. _Daniel wasn't all that good, and he was selfish anyway. Rob was too hyperactive which made it pretty exciting and unpredictable… but he wasn't all that considerate.

But Sirius… ah. I'm blushing now, just having the shag flashbacks.

Once we were done, we noticed Lily was calling for us.

'Shit…' I muttered. 'I sort of forgot about them.'

'Mm,' murmured Sirius. 'Let's go. I'm starving now.'

We got dressed quickly. As we were leaving, he said-

'Jones, you spend a lot of time thinking up diets or exercising… but shagging is the best form of exercise. Keep that in mind for the future, won't you?'

V. bad.

I hit him, and we hurried down the stairs, to see everyone already sitting at the table looking at us sullenly. I gasped when I noticed it was already 10pm.

'Enjoy yourselves?' said James sullenly. 'Lily wouldn't let us eat until we 'found you."

I shifted uncomfortably.

'Sorry… let's uh… eat,' Sirius said tactfully. 'Uh… I'll just uh wash my hands first.'

I sunk at the table, feeling a little exhausted… but in a good way.

'Well?' Lily and Mary whispered. 'Did you?'

I grinned sheepishly.

'Was he good?' Mary asked eagerly.

I nodded, and she grinned.

'Congrats, hun. You've finally shagged a Marauder.'

We were interrupted by Sirius telling James off.

'No, Prongs, you stay away from my chicken. Carve Anna's instead.'

Suddenly, I was annoyed again.

'Hey! No, James, you leave my chicken alone. I'll carve it. I need to show Sirius my chicken is better.'

Everyone groaned.

'And they're back at it,' Remus sighed.

Everyone diplomatically said that both our chickens were equally excellent. Sirius conceded that mine was, in fact, truly wonderful… and I begrudgingly admitted his was far from cardboard consistency.

So we ate and drank and were merry for the rest of the night. Sirius and I didn't argue any more. We were very nice, actually. I didn't feel so embarrassed by his kissing me in front of everyone because, even though I don't think I'll ever be one for public displays of affection, I'm not ashamed of us being together either.

I don't know if shagging him helped me realise that, or perhaps all our arguments helped me gain confidence in our relationship. Or maybe it was simply realising, after everything, that maybe- perhaps- he does actually love me… a little, at least.

We stayed up for the New Year, and I finally got my kiss on the turn of the year. It was wonderful. Then we popped several bottles of champagne and, soon enough, we were all pretty tipsy. It didn't take long for us to all retreat to separate rooms after that- where we shagged again! (V. good!)

A part of me is worried about this New Year. So much happened last year (feels so strange to call it 'last year,' when was only a few hours ago).

Anyway. A lot happened. I made some wonderful friends- one of whom is no longer alive-, finally lost my v-card, dated an arsehole, shagged a crazy Australian, acquired a stalker and two murderous step-parents, found out Jamie is gay, got my NEWTs, was in JAIL (goodness! I forgot that happened), went through several jobs, got kicked out of my course, but then accepted into another, found temporary fame as a Seer and journalist… and now have a good boyfriend.

So it wasn't all good, but there wasn't so much bad in it either. Actually, what I thought was bad at the time is now just funny- or interesting. Miss M was right- all this drama in my life… it makes it interesting, and worth living. I'm now thankful for it, and everyone who brings it to my life.

I don't know what this New Year will bring. Perhaps Sirius and I won't last the year. Perhaps we will. I don't know, but I'm not going to let that scare me off.

And while I will never accept my wobbly thighs for what they are, I have come to realise I'm not all that bad myself. No, I'm not perfect… but if I was, there'd be no point to living.

Ohhh Sirius just woke up.

.

4.30am. Harrumph. He's asleep again. Obviously I've exhausted him with all the shagging… hehe.

Apparently the scratching of my quill woke him up.

'Jones,' he groaned, rubbing his eyes. 'You're writing in that diary again, aren't you?'

I stopped writing and looked at him sheepishly.

'Yes? Sorry, didn't mean to wake you.'

He sat up and smiled.

'S'ok. Actually, I have a present for you.'

'Oh?'

'Yes. For some reason unbeknownst to us all, your most committed relationship seems to be with your diary.'

Can't deny it's true. Diary, thank you for being there for me unconditionally throughout the year. You have made it SO MUCH easier to be me. I will miss you.

'Yes,' Sirius continued. 'I thought it'd be a shame for you to end such a brilliant love affair… so I got you a new diary, for this new year.'

He brought out a lovely red, leather-bound diary, and I squealed.

He winced.

'Bit loud for this early in the morning,' he said weakly as I hugged him.

'Thank you!' I gushed. 'It's wonderful.'

He smiled, blushing a little.

'It's ok. Glad you like it. You must be the first person I've ever met to actually keep a diary for an entire year. Congratulations.'

I kissed him, but I think he was tired, so we ended up just lying down again… and he fell asleep. Speaking of, I might try sleeping a bit. I'm a bit tired…

.

7am- Okay, I'll write in the other diary after I'm done with this entry…

Sirius' owl just tapped at the window with a letter. Grumbling, and half-asleep, he went to let her in.

He bit his lip as he read the letter.

'What's wrong?' I frowned.

'Um… Anna… have you already rejected your application to Melbourne, Australia?'

'Yes,' I said. 'Why?'

'Oh, nothing… it's just… um… well… I've just received my Auror placements for this year.'

'And…?' I coaxed, knowing nothing good was to follow.

'Well, I've sort of being placed in Melbourne, Australia for the first six months, and then Jamaica for the remainder of the year…'

Of course he bloody has. I don't even know why I'm surprised.

On that note, I think I'm going to get a little drink. _Wonderful_ start to the year!

* * *

**Summary of the year's resolutions, and how I did:**

I WILL NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES:

Binge or snack when bored (or hungry, for that matter)- **failed**

Visit the kitchens between classes- **definitely failed**

Eat chocolate whilst fantasising about Sirius Black**- failed on a daily basis, and probably will continue to do so (v bad)**

Lust for Sirius Black whilst studying- **unsuccessful. Note to self: work on this in the New Year**

Procrastinate homework- **also unsuccessful. Also work on this in the New Year**

Leave everything to the last minute- **Mostly unsuccessful**

Waste time.- **Not kept v well at all**

Behave inappropriately in the common room- **Considering the number of times I was found out by Minnie… I'd say it's a fail**

Get drunk with Mary- **Certain fail**

Get drunk with James Potter- **Absolute fail**

Get drunk- **Complete failure. Must work on drinking in the New Year**

Behave in an unpoised manner- **Almost all **

Stare at myself in the mirror with self-loathing, as this is narcissistic, and also unproductive- **Fail. Did so on a daily basis**

Be seen in shabby clothes or bad hair or no makeup- **hahaha… v. bad. Fail.**

Buy slutty clothes- **mostly adhered to**

Go for more than two days without exercise- **fail**

Sneak out of school with Mary to go clubbing- **not kept**

Snog random men I dance with when clubbing- **mostly kept… though did not go clubbing all that often so, statistically, v. bad.**

Imagine shagging Professor Dumbledore**- mostly kept (though, again, did not see Dumbledore all that much)**

Eat more than 1500 calories a day- **ughhhhh. Failed.**

Go on any fad diets as have all been unsuccessful in the past- **Given hospital stint… I'd say it's a fail.**

**.**

I WILL

Become a diligent student and ace all my NEWTs without needing to cram: **I'm not sure I 'aced' my NEWTs, and certainly had to cram… work on this for new uni course**

Adopt a more zen-like approach to life- **Pass! First clear pass! Yay!**

Exercise daily- **Fail. Hmph.**

Eat three square and healthy meals a day- **Hahaha fail**

Stop drinking coffee- **Definite fail. Have given in to coffee addiction. Will no longer bother fighting it.**

Get a proper boyfriend (someone sensible and practical like Remus Lupin, but obviously not Remus as he is taken/probably gay)- **PASS! YESSSSSS!**

Lose virginity with said boyfriend- **Half pass. Lost virginity- though not to Sirius- but have shagged him, so I feel the two half-points can combine to create another 'Pass'….**

Read a novel a week to improve my mind- **Fail**

Read the newspaper every morning instead of trashy Witch Weekly- **MISERABLE FAIL**

Be poised and glamorous, like Grace Kelly (or Lily Evans)- **Hmph. Fail.**

Spend more time with Lily Evans, as she is an excellent influence as opposed to

Mary who always convinces me to go clubbing- **Half pass. Spent much more time with Lily, who is now a best friend… but did also spent a lot of time with Mary too. Feel this was an unfair resolution to both myself, and to Mary. So… I'm going to give myself a 'Pass.'**

Resist offers to get drunk with James Potter, as this has never lead to drunken sex with Sirius in the past (and hence is not likely to lead to such an event in the future)- **FAIL… and getting drunk with Potter worked in shagging Sirius last night! Hehehehe**

Lose at least 2 ½ stones- **over the year I lost (counting all the individual pounds lost and combining them to a total) MANY stone. However, that wasn't what I meant. FAIL. Boo hoo.**

Throw out all slutty clothes and replace with elegant clothes- **half pass**

Write in this diary every day- **PASS (mostly)**

Become the sex goddess of Hogwarts by the end of the school year- **I'm counting shagging the sex god himself in this so… Pass by default.**

**.**

**Summary: **Over all, not a bad year. V. Good.

END OF DIARY

Signed, Anna Jones

* * *

**I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S OVER!**

**Words can't express how sad I am that this wonderful journey is finally over. This story has been, without a doubt, my favourite to write. I have had so much fun writing this. In many ways, I feel I've managed to grow up as a person, with Anna, as I wrote this.**

**Thank you all for being on this journey with me. As you all know, I have a small weakness for reviews and would dearly love to know your thoughts on this final chapter, and the story, now it is over!**

**I know I said (a few stories ago) I'd never return to writing on this site, but I think I can promise (99% sure) that I won't be coming back again. I'm just too busy with my original projects (which I'm behind on as it is!), as well as life (work, study, living etc). If you have been with me from the good old days of 'The Good Morrow,' I am so thankful for your loyalty to my writing. But, to each and every one of you, I am thankful for your support!**

**If you happen to miss me (I will miss you all, so please stay in touch)- I am accessible via Twitter, Tumblr, Email, the contact section on my official website. I would love to hear from you! (links to these are on my Author's Page here)**

**If you miss my writing, please do check out my novel 'Stained Glass' (available from my official website). Hopefully, there will be more original works from me coming out in the near future!**

**Lots of love,**

**Anya Violetta**


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